Chapter 4: FRESH AIR

In the dead of night, I woke up after another nightmare of the ghosts of my dead friends, and to a grumbling, angry stomach. I'd refused dinner, opting to just take a long bath in my room instead of socializing with the fae during a meal I wouldn't eat. But now my hunger wouldn't allow me to rest, even though I was beyond the point of exhaustion. I could think of nothing but the delicious looking food I'd declined during dinner last night.

Surely that was the right move, right? Faeries were always cursing human's cups, tricking them with treats, and whatever else. I wasn't going to fall for that. Not when I was so close to going home.

But maybe if I made my own food? That wouldn't be cursed, right?

I wandered out of bed and opened the door to my room. I half expected one of the handmaids to appear out of the shadows, but maybe I really did have to call for them in order for them to appear. That was fine with me, I'd prefer to be alone. I wandered down the hallway until I found my way to the dinning room, and then from there I tried a few doors until I found the kitchen.

"What are you doing in here?" I spun around, and saw Feyre was standing in the doorway in her sleeping clothes. She hadn't sounded angry, more surprised. But the fear of getting caught made my heart race. Her voice was soft when she said, "If you're hungry you could just call for Cerridwin or Nuala."

"I thought I'd make myself something," I said, but then immediately flushed with embarrassment. "Nevermind, I'll go back to bed."

Feyre put out her hand to stop me. "No, it's fine. I understand. Just ask the kitchen for what you want and it will appear. It's enchanted to provide what you ask for."

I looked around the kitchen, which seemed absolutely quiet and non-magical in the dead of night. "Lights," Feyre said, and the kitchen brightened. "See?"

"Eggs," I said, and suddenly they appeared on the counter. A dozen of them— incredible. I couldn't help but grin. "Pan, butter, milk."

Everything appeared and I started the stove. Feyre sat down at a small table and watched me. "You don't need to stay up for me," I said. "I didn't want to disturb anyone."

"No, I was already awake. I couldn't sleep." She sighed, and rubbed the bridge of her nose. "I still have family near The Wall. Your story— it worries me."

"You do?"

"Yes, my sisters. I was born human, and my sisters are human and still live in Scythia."

I cracked an egg on the buttered pan. "Azriel and I went to Bardstown today to warn people. Have you warned your sisters?"

She nodded. "Yes, but they are stubborn, and do not wish to flee." She leaned back in her chair. "It's good you went. They would respect your words more than a faerie's. Even a faerie that was human just last year."

"You've only been a faerie for a year?" I asked, surprised. I didn't know that humans could become faeries, and I always just assumed the faeries I encountered were centuries old. So Feyre, who looked to be about 20, maybe, was younger than me at 26. Add that to the ever growing list of things I didn't know about faeries.

"Yes. It's very rare for a human to become one."

My egg finished cooking and I asked the kitchen for a plate and a fork. "Would you like one?" I asked Feyre. She shook her head. "I'm not hungry." But she set her hand on the table and said, "Tea." And instantly a cup of tea was at her fingers. She stirred in some sugar and watched me eat.

It was actually the most delicious egg I'd ever had. It tasted like the richest, most fresh food in the world. "Wow," I said, basically inhaling it. Feyre grinned. "I guess Rhysand wasn't lying about the taste."

"No, he wasn't."

I made myself another egg. And then another. It felt like I couldn't get satisfied. I'd had almost nothing to eat for months. Jurian barely kept us alive. But by the fourth egg, Feyre warned, "You should slow down, or you'll be sick. Your stomach is still adjusting from starvation. All this food will be here tomorrow."

She was right, I knew she was, but I still wanted more. But I also knew I didn't want to be sick here, and have to rely on faeries to care for me. So I took my dish and looked around for the sink to wash it.

"How do I-"

"Dishes," Feyre called, and the kitchen cleaned itself.

I could get used to that.

The next day I woke up early, even before the sun. I got dressed in my same riding clothes that Cerridwin and Nuala had repaired yesterday, and left my room. I was ready to find Rhysand the moment the sun rose. I wanted to go home.

But I waited at the table in the foyer for a long time, and the house was still and quiet. Eventually I made my way to the kitchen to make some breakfast and get some tea. But even all that did not kill enough time for any of the faeries to wakeup.

The day Rhysand had spared my life he'd told me that I could go home 'tomorrow.' Tomorrow was now yesterday, and while Azrael had taken me to the Mortal Realm to warn Bardstown last night, I did not consider that 'going home.' 'Going home' meant leaving Prythian for good, and I had returned back to the Nightcourt. Now I wondered what Rhysand's intentions were, and if we really were really in agreement on the meaning of 'going home.'

It felt like hours were elapsing as the sunlight poured into the foyer. Were these faeries going to sleep all day? I was considering walking the ten thousand steps out of The House of Wind because I was tired of waiting, when a blonde figure appeared in the foyer in a long, blue nightgown.

"Oh," Morrigan said, wiping the sleep from her eyes when she saw me, "I didn't expect anyone to be up yet. How are you, Dellia?"

"I'm good, I'm waiting for Rhysand to wake up and take me back to Scythia."

Morrigan looked towards the window to asses the time and shrugged. "I think he was up well into the night, it might be some time before he get up. Did you eat yet?"

I nodded and she held out her hand. "Wait there, I'll keep you company, I'm just going to grab some coffee."

She came back moments later with a plate of fruit and her cup of coffee and sat down at a chair across from me. "Are you anxious to see your family?" She asked.

"That's not really why I want to go back," I said with polite smile.

Her big brown eyes glimmered. "I understand. I have a very strained relationship with my family as well, besides Rhys, of course."

I was surprised by that. "You and Rhysand are related?"

"Oh yes, he's my cousin," she said, grabbing a strawberry off her plate. "So, what are you looking forward to upon your return?"

Looking forward to… I wasn't sure. All the people I would want to see had perished by Jurian's own command. "I just want to warn as many people as possible along The Wall. They're good, hardworking people. A lot of those villages are poor, and I'm worried they will get abandoned out there."

Morrigan nodded, "Of course. I can tell you care a lot about your people." She paused in thought and then said, "Rhysand mentioned you wrote to your sister? Did you ask her to warn the people along The Wall?"

I sighed. "Yes, but who knows if she will."

"Why wouldn't she?"

"Azriel sent that letter with the seal of the Nightcourt, so I'm not sure my sister will trust it. And I have never written requesting anything of her, so she might be weary of that as well." I shrugged, "And why leave something to chance that I can do myself? I am more familiar with the villages along The Wall than my sister who has never traveled there in her whole life. Those people know me and trust me. When Azrael and I went last night, all of Bardstown packed up and left on my word alone. I want to do that everywhere I can. Because I know Jurian won't stop."

I could feel my heart starting to beat quicker as I got more passionate. Thinking about the things Jurian was capable of, it might my soul ache. "I am so lucky to be alive," I said. "And it's not fair that so many others are not."

"I heard you lost friends," Morrigan said quietly, her eyes soft. "Who did you lose?"

That was quite a list. I sighed again. "Well, when we were attacked in Scythia about half of my team was slaughtered outright defending me. I traveled with about two dozen guards and aids, and Jurian killed so many of them immediately. But I think he wanted to capture my guards because they were strong fighters, and he probably hoped that strength and instinct would transfer over into the magic we got later."

I spun the brass bracelet on my wrist while I spoke. "But then over the next few months, Jurian would just kill us for anything that didn't please him. Jurian commanded one of my guards, Issa walk off a cliff for simply whispering out of turn. Franz was killed by Hybick in a fight after he failed to give us any food for three days. Another time, Jurian demanded we stand absolutely still, with no rest, for two straight days. And when two of my friends collapsed from exhaustion, Jurian caused them to have some kind of seizure—a terrible death. And two more of my friends were accidentally killed by the powers that were given to us."

I dropped my wrist to stop touching the brass. "My friend Loren used so much magic it overwhelmed him during one attack. He just collapsed— and we were compelled to abandon him where he lay. I don't even know if he died instantly, or if we left him out in some woods to the elements and animals. And Marcus was killed when we attacked you guys."

Morrigan looked devastated. "I'm so sorry, that is more tragedy than anyone should have to suffer."

I didn't have to heart to tell her that I hadn't even listed everyone who died, nor the ones I killed myself.

Her eyes fell to the brass bracelet that I was fiddling with again. "Can I look at that?"

When I nodded, she came and crouched in front of me, and gently held my wrist in her hand. "I'm going to use some magic, you may feel a little warmth but it shouldn't hurt," she said, and then I did feel the band grow warm, and the sting of metallic magic in my nose. Morrigan's eyes closed, and she looked to be in very deep thought. Then, there was a door shutting down the hall, and that caused her to look up.

"Rhys!" She said, and I felt the magical warmth fade. "Dellia's been waiting for you."

Rhysand walked into the foyer, he was dressed in fine ebony clothes, but still looked tired. "Good morning, apologies for the wait." His violet eyes looked curiously at Morrigan, who was still crouched in front of me. "What are you doing?"

"Dellia, was allowing me to get a good look at this magic. It's very interesting," she said, and then squeezed my hand before standing up to return back to her coffee.

"What did you learn?" He asked.

"The artifact is new… but the magic is strong, old magic. I can feel its essence was forged from the Cauldron itself," Morrigan's brows furrowed when she looked at me. I could have told her that. "And I do see that it draws part of its power from you, which is likely why all the humans have different abilities and strengths. If you were to use a lot of this magic at once, I fear that it would draw too much of your own life force, and kill yourself— like what happened to your friend."

"Why do you think mine is so much stronger than the other humans?"

Morrigan shrugged. "It's possible you have some diluted faerie ancestry. Faeries obviously have innate magic, so that would make you stronger. But it's just a guess."

An interesting thought, although it certainly prickled my skin to think I had any diluted faerie blood in me. I turned to Rhysand. "I'd like to arrange going back to Scythia today."

"You're welcome to stay here and continue to recover," Rhysand said. "Don't feel like you need to leave."

"I want to leave," I insisted. "Thank you for giving me time and space to heal physically, but my heart isn't going to be whole again until I've done what I can to prevent Jurian from hurting more people."

Rhysand was silent for a few long moments, and I glanced over at Morrigan. She was stirring her coffee, but in such a way that just seemed a hair— off. I registered that instinct, that feeling, from growing up with three older sisters. Exclusion.

"Are you two talking in your heads right now?" I realized, irritated. "While I'm sitting right here, in conversation with you?"

Morrigan picked up her coffee and plate of fruit. "I'm going to go," she said slowly, not answering my question. "It was nice talking to you, Dellia."

Rhysand came and took her seat, and waited for his cousin to leave before he continued. "There's still a lot I'd like to learn from you about Jurian," he said. "I didn't want to press you when you were so fresh from captivity, but if you are better now, I'd like to try something."

I held up my hand to stop him. "If you are about to invade my mind again, the answer is no."

Rhysand's eyes narrowed as he bristled at my tone. "Invading is kind of harsh, I just asked you for permission."

"And I said no."

"Fine," he leaned back in his chair, I could tell more than a little peeved. "I don't think you should go home yet. Not when you just wrote to the Queen. And if you go back, she will have no reason to respond to our request."

I knew it. I knew adding that damn request for the mysterious item was going to come and bite me in the ass. I crossed my arms. "You said I could go home tomorrow. That was yesterday."

"Azriel did take you back yesterday."

"For a total of 5 minutes."

Rhysand rubbed his temple. "Can you give us a few days for your Queen to reply?"

"A few days?" I asked, my voice incredulous. "That's a lot of time for Jurian be able to murder my people." I shook my head. "You spoke to Azriel, didn't he relay this to you? What this means to me?"

Rhysand nodded stiffly.

"And my wishes just mean, nothing?"

"Not nothing," he said icily. "But you want to warn individual villages about Jurian. We want to stop him entirely. You are treating a symptom and we are fighting the disease."

"With an item that you won't tell me about," I rolled my eyes. "Forgive me if I don't trust you with the fate of my people."

"You wrote to the Queen," he said, "They are her people too. She will reply. Just be patient."

I stood up, so frustrated it bordered on anger. No, it was anger, bordering on contempt. "Don't patronize me. I may not be a centuries old faerie, but I'm not a child. I'm passionate because I know what's at stake. And I don't like being a part of a plan where I know very little, yet risk so much.

"If you won't let me go to Scythia permanently, will you at least let Azriel take me to The Wall again today to warn another village?"

The faerie was silent, those bright violet eyes locked on me, probably racing through my mind. I didn't even care. Let him feel that rage inside me. Let him see where denying me would get him.

I started to remember the worst moments of my time with Jurian. When he commanded me to slit my own aid's throat the day he captured us. When he forced one of my guards to gouge out his own eye for rolling it. When he had us beat our own friend to death after he fought Hybick.

I thought about it all, I remembered it in such vivid detail it was as if it were happening again for the first time right in front of me. And then, I stopped. I told myself to think of flowers, and the sky, and the sea. Anything to distract me, until Rhysand shook his head, and I knew he was tired of prowling through my thoughts when he wasn't getting anything out of it.

"That is what I risk happening to more people when you force me to stay here."

Rhysand stood up, his eyes distant. "I'll consider what you've told and shown me. But for now, we follow my plan."

There are no word to describe the disappointment I had returning to my room after speaking to Rhysand. I was annoyed by his I-know-best attitude, it felt like I was dealing Vassa again. And I felt dismayed that he refused to even let me warn one village today. Did he seriously expect me to just sit around and wait?

I wanted to go, I wanted to be back in the Mortal Realm. I had to keep warning people. What good was I to anyone lounging around this palace on top of a mountain on the other side of the world?

I looked down from the balcony of my room, and saw at a great distance, what looked like a ship with a Mortal Realm flag. It was hard to see with the sun in my eyes and the glare along the ocean, but it was enough for me to formulate a plan. But first, I needed to get to that ship.

I looked down from my balcony, straight down that long, terrifying drop off the red mountain. I just had to get down from here, and walk along the water to the harbor. I'd find a human merchant ship, and I'm sure they would take me home. I'd be gone before Rhysand even knew.

Swinging my leg over the side of the balcony, I pulled a ledge off the face of the mountain with my magic. But before I'd really gotten my footing, I heard someone call, "Cauldron boil me, what are you doing?"

I lost my balance, foot slipping off the ledge I'd created, and I fell. Thankfully, my magic kicked in rather quickly, before I'd even had a chance to scream, because a stone fist reached out of the side of the cliff and clasped around me, stopping my fall.

Cassian flew down from his balcony and stopped in front of me, those long wings flapping loudly in the wind. "What the hell were you thinking?"

"I just wanted some air," I lied.

The faerie rolled his eyes. "Well, you got it, Princess."

I bristled at the title, he sounded like Hybick, using it to tease me. I maneuvered the stone hand that held me back into a ledge to stand on. "I'm going to go down to the water," I said, since I figured there was no chance I would lose Cassian now.

"I'll carry you," he said. "Since you are obviously weak on your feet."

"I'm more than capable," I said, but it was too late, because he scooped me into his arms before I could stop him. "No, no, this really isn't necessary," I said, but even still, I gripped him tight around his neck since we were already in the air.

"It's no trouble," he said as he drifted down slowly. But then suddenly, we plummeted. I screamed, holding on so tight I thought I might break his neck. Cassian started howling with laughter. "Sorry, wing cramp. Probably from when you smacked me with that stone giant."

"You are such an ass," I groaned, not even trying to bite my tongue.

When we finally made it to the beach, he set me down nicely, but I still felt like kicking sand into his eyes. "I can take it from here," I said dismissing him. But Cassian scoffed as he folded his wings behind him.

"You must think I'm a fool to leave you to your own devices. No, I'll get fresh air with you."

I glared at him, and he smirked back, knowing he'd annoyed me and enjoyed it. "What? You mean to tell me fresh air isn't what you actually want?"

"No, fresh air is all."

"We can go swimming," he said, pointing to the water.

"Absolutely not."

"You can't swim?"

"No."

He tilted his head at me, crossing his muscular arms. "What do Princess' like to do? Get their hair braided? Have servants feed them grapes directly into their mouthes?"

"You're intolerable," I said under my breath as I turned away from him and started walking the same direction that the ship had been traveling.

We walked without speaking for a long time, Cassian just humming to himself, occasionally stretching his wings out in the sun.

But the silence must have been killing him, because finally the faerie asked, "So you and Rhys are in a tiff?" I kept my mouth shut. "He's not trying to upset you."

"Upset is an understatement," I muttered. But I picked up my pace. I was tired of being followed, and I hoped my speed would give him the hint that I wanted space. But when the faerie's long legs didn't struggle to keep up with me at all, I snapped, "Look, I'm fine walking alone, I can find my way back." I pointed to the red flat-top mountain where the House of Wind stood. It seemed to be the highest point in the whole city. "I can't miss it."

"But everything is more fun with company," Cassian insisted.

"I'm not trying to have fun," I said, exasperated. "I'm trying to-" Cassian looked at me with raised eyebrows, like he was daring me to continue. "I'm trying to blow off steam," I landed on, which wasn't a complete lie.

"What about a fight then?" Cassian said. "You can hit me, that will blow off steam. I'll heal."

I'd never been more annoyed with someone, except maybe Rhysand. "I- I don't want to hit you!"

"It seems like you do."

If he continued to bother me, maybe he would learn what my fist felt like. I let out a frustrated groan. "I want you to leave me alone, but I'm guessing you won't because Rhysand demanded someone babysit me. Isn't that right?"

Cassian rolled his eyes. "You are a mortal princess who's never been to Prythian before three months ago. You're somewhere new, you've never been alone, you've got nothing besides the clothes on your back. And honestly, it looks like you would be a very easy target if you encountered anyone unsavory again." I was about to see red, and Cassian raised his arms defensively. Now I really did feel like hitting him. "I'm just calling it like I see it, Princess. I'm doing you a favor watching your back."

Princess. That freaking word again, spoken like a taunt. Totally diminishing my whole life into the one title that I didn't even earn, that barely described me at all. "I'm tired of everyone assuming I'm some fragile thing," I snapped at Cassian. "I can handle myself. How do you think I survived this long? And the last thing I need is a faerie I don't trust to watch my back."

"What faerie do you trust?" He asked. "I'll go get them."

"Please stop speaking to me for the remainder of this walk, or you are going to hear some very unking things."

"I'm an Illyrian warrior, all I'm used to hearing are unkind things." I didn't know what the hell that meant, but I decided it didn't need a response. I continued to power walk down the shore while Cassian trailed behind me.

Finally, I saw the harbor coming into view, and I picked up my pace some more. Cassian seemed to slow. "How much more fresh air do you require?" He complained.

"I want to see the harbor."

"I'm sure you've seen a harbor before," he muttered, obviously bored with me.

"I recognized one of the flags from the Mortal Realm," I said. "I'll probably know those merchants."

"I hope you don't think you can stowaway on one of these ships," Cassian said, I'm sure as a joke. But when I avoided his gaze, the realization hit him. "Cauldron," he cursed and grabbed my arm.

"Release me!" I yelped, attempting to pull my arm free from the faerie who was at least twice my mass and triple my strength.

"No, we've walked far enough."

"Can't I talk to them? Tell them to warn our people?"

"It will take them weeks to sail back. The only way you could warn your people slower would be to walk to them across all of Prythian."

"Cassian, enough. Let me go!"

"No, Princess, we're leaving."

But I'd had enough of being bossed around by faeries— especially one who killed my friend. And with no thought of the consequences, I pulled the earth around Cassian, so that he was encased in it, up to his chin. Then I snatched my arm from his grasp.

"Dellia," he growled, but I'd already taken several paces away from him. He looked furious. "Release me now, or things will get very bad for you."

I stomped my foot, and the faerie was sucked into the ground, so that only his head stuck out above the grass. Less conspicuous this way, and probably more secure, with his wings fully encased in the earth. I knew Cassian was very strong, and dangerous. "In case you hadn't noticed," I sneered, "it's already been very bad for me, and has been for quite some time." And without another word, I spun on my heel and stalked off to the harbor, leaving the faerie in the dirt.