Sarah meets the Intersect 3.0
Chapter 12
"I thought you scolded Chuck for sharing too much information with me," Sarah frowned. "If you give me the Intersect 3.0, you're going a LOT further than sharing information."
"The 3.0 is fundamentally different from previous versions," Antonia explained. "It's not a static program you imprint on someone. It's more like a framework you can attach things to."
"So how will it help us know how I really feel about Chuck," Sarah wondered.
"This contraption allows us to systematically stimulate the subject's senses. There are separate maps for skin, muscle, smell, and vision," Antonia said.
"What about hearing?" Sarah asked.
"That's something we're still working on," Antonia admitted. "Hearing includes specialized processing for language and music as well as sounds that don't fall into either category."
"Okay, so you've got vision, touch, and smell covered," Sarah summarized.
Antonia nodded, continuing, "We start with a mapping phase where we monitor the brain's activation via MRI and we find the activation patterns associated with each stimulus. It's a bit limited because we can't include the somatic head but it gives us a good indication of where the various personae are located."
"What are personae?" Sarah asked.
"Certain parts of the emotional brain that tend to activate as a group," Antonia clarified. "You can think of them as sub-personalities."
"Are you talking about Dissociative Identity Disorder?" Sarah replied.
"The disorder happens when the personalities cannot co-exist. For most people all personae are present to varying degrees at all times," Antonia elaborated. "Once we have the basic map, we stop the MRI and correlate the somatic head with the basic map using less refined sensors to form the full map. With the subject mapped, we can create a stimulation program to induce new skills and new information much more quickly than via conventional learning."
"And this gives the subject the ability to flash?" Sarah guessed.
"No," Antonia said firmly. "There are some serious limitations and drawbacks to the flash cascade. The Intersect 3.0 doesn't use it. We can learn some degree of control over the recall process which allows us to find the same information. It takes a lot more effort but since it's not all or nothing it's much more reliable and more flexible."
"That's incredible," Sarah admitted as she felt her head spin. "But I still don't see how that helps us get at my feelings for Chuck."
"The map is also an incredibly effective interrogation tool," Antonia explained portentously. "We can control which persona we are interrogating."
Sarah's eyes widened as she considered the implications. All that work she learned in black ops was designed to crack the hard shell and get to the vulnerable part of a person. Validating that the information HAD come from the vulnerable part and not the spy pretending to be vulnerable and lying was even more difficult. With this machine the subject never stood a chance.
"Wouldn't it be impossible to get information that only a really tough persona knew?" Sarah frowned.
"Possible but only by using a technique Charles considers too unethical," Antonia nodded approvingly. "If we use stimulation patterns that activate a tough persona asymmetrically, we theorize that we could cause it to shatter. Then we might be able to associate pieces to vulnerable or dissident personae and gain access to them."
Sarah found herself shivering. This was darker than any black ops technique she had ever heard of.
"In our experience, other personae have at least an inkling of anything important. It takes more work but we have yet to find a block we can't get around by more conventional means," Antonia assured her.
Sarah shook off the thought and tried to refocus on her own situation.
"So once you have me mapped, you can ask each of my personae how they feel about Chuck?" she speculated.
"Just so," Antontia agreed. "There is, however, a very real risk. The fact that you are emotionally walled off suggests you are controlling access to particularly vulnerable or fiercely dissident personae. Accessing these directly could easily provoke a personality crisis."
Sarah nodded slowly, "And what happens in a personality crisis?"
"The relationships between the personae change. If they can no longer function in harmony you will develop Dissociative Identity Disorder. If one or more personae disintegrate entirely you may develop schizophrenia," Antonia said soberly.
Sarah considered these possibilities. She spent some time introspecting on how she felt about these risks. It didn't take long to form a consensus. The current situation wasn't working for her, she was willing to risk a crisis in the hope of finding something that worked better.
"I'm in," Sarah said firmly. "What do I do?"
"First leave a message for Zondra telling her you've uncovered some hard truths about yourself and need to spend some time away from everything and everyone. Then drink this contrast dye, remove all your clothing and jewelry, and get into the machine," Antonia said in a matter-of-fact tone.
"Understand I'm putting myself completely at your mercy. It's taking a lot for me to trust you that much," Sarah warned.
"Let's get all our cards on the table," Antonia replied intensely. "You and I are not friends. I see myself as Sarah 2.0, the successor to who you were for the first two years you knew Charles. I am his confidant and his protector and would give my life to protect his blind spots. I see you as Jill 2.0, the woman from Charles' past who betrayed him but whom he still has strong feelings for. My most prudent course of action would be to turn you in to a part of the US government not controlled by the Ring. Perhaps they would even give you Jill's old cell."
Sarah was stunned. As she considered Antonia's words, she had to admit the woman wasn't wrong. A thought suddenly occurred to her.
"What do you expect Chuck will do when he finds out about this?" she wondered.
"I have never seen Charles kill purely out of anger," Antonia said slowly. "My best chance to see this would be the last thing I ever saw."
Sarah left the message for Zondra, drank the dye, stripped off her clothes and got into the machine.
The mapping process was tedious and uncomfortable but not painful. She suddenly felt very strange, like a large part of her disappeared.
"Who are you?" Antonia asked.
"I'm Sarah, the Soldier," she replied. "I protect, fight and follow orders."
"How do you feel about Chuck?"
"He's dead to me. As a brother-in-arms he was funny but a complete fuck up. I gave him a chance to be my commanding officer and he blew me off. I want nothing to do with him."
Sarah's sense of self lurched violently.
"Who are you?"
"I'm Maggie, the Maneater," she replied in a sultry tone. "I handle sex and seduction."
"How do you feel about Chuck?"
"Honestly? He scares the shit out of me. Zondra is the hardest bitch I know and he had her crushing like a schoolgirl. He had me drunk and needy and he didn't seal the deal so he's not thinking with his dick. I'm terrified to have sex with him and more turned on than I ever dreamed possible."
Another lurch.
"Who are you?
"I'm Patricia," she answered. "I make plans and weigh alternatives."
"How do you feel about Chuck?"
"My masterwork was his escape from the CIA when he got the Intersect 2.0. When he balked it broke me. I've never been the same since. I helped us survive but anything bigger has blown up in my face. Chuck seems to have a good handle on my job. I want him to mentor me."
Lurch.
"Who are you?"
"I'm Katie," she said. "My daddy called me his little chameleon. I learned to read people from him and make myself what they wanted. I'm a gifted grifter."
"How do you feel about Chuck?"
"Daddy called him a schnook. These days he frustrates me. I can't read him and finding a hook is hopeless. I hope a never meet another guy like him."
Lurch.
"Who are you?"
"I'm Lisa," she said. "I lock down emotions and keep us from falling apart. I give Katie room to work and I help Sam hide."
"How do you feel about Chuck?"
"I fear him like I fear death. I think he wants to destroy me. I don't think I could stop him."
Lurch.
"Who are you?"
"I'm Sam," she said. There was a long pause.
"What do you do, Sam?"
"I hide."
"Why do you need to hide?"
"Because the bad men hurt Mommy and took pictures of it. They told her if she didn't do what they said they'd show the pictures to me. Now whenever Mommy sees me she gets sick."
"What kind of sick?"
"She remembers the bad things. Daddy says it's not regular remembering because she feels like it's happening again. I had to go stay with Gramma so I didn't make Mommy sick."
"That must have been hard for you."
"It was really hard," she started crying softly. "But making Mommy sick was worse."
"How do you feel about Chuck?"
"I REALLY like him. Lisa and Sarah get mad because I always want to sneak out and give him hugs and kisses. He's different now and kinda scary sometimes but I still like him. I wish I could always be around him."
There was another lurch that lasted much longer than the previous ones. Sarah felt like she had gone through a blender. She wanted to sleep for a week. When she realized the machine had completely disengaged from her she climbed out, showered, and dressed.
"So what's the verdict?" she asked Antonia.
"We're not quite done yet," Antonia replied. "I'm going to show you the stimuli most strongly correlated with each persona. I talked to six of them. Let's see how they're doing."
"Sarah the soldier is sulking and flipping you the bird. She hates that she can't protect me from you but she's accepted it," Sarah said after taking a whiff of a scent Antonia handed her and touching and flexing where she indicated.
"Maggie the maneater wants you to fuck her brains out to get her in shape for Chuck," Sarah giggled as she repeated the process with new stimuli.
"Patricia the planner wants to hug you. You're opening new possibilities for order and control she never dreamed possible," Sarah seemed surprised. Antonia hugged her.
"Katie the chameleon is utterly fascinated by this process. She's greedy for more knowledge and brainstorming ideas to scam it out of you. She's really pissed I said that," Sarah shook her head in wonder.
"I think Lisa Lockdown is having a nervous breakdown. It was her job to keep Sam hidden from you. You rendered her powerless. You can talk to Sam whenever you want and there's not a damn thing she can do about it. This is BAD," Sarah's voice was shaking.
"Lisa!" Antonia said sharply. "Take some deep breaths. I'm not going to give Sarah the Sam stimuli. You're the last persona she can talk to whenever she wants. I'm going to set up an encryption program for Sarah's map and walk away so YOU can choose the password. No one will be able talk to Sam like I did unless you give them the password or Sarah gets remapped, OK?"
Antonia typed some quick commands and walked to the other side of the room, completely out of line of sight to the keyboard and monitor. Sarah thought briefly and typed something, slamming down hard on the 'enter' key.
"I'll stay here until you tell me it's OK," Antonia called out.
Sarah tried to access the map with the wrong password to test it but had no idea what she was looking at. She realized she only had Antonia's word but Lisa seemed to calm down.
"OK," Sarah called. Antonia walked back over to her.
"Could you repeat the Lisa stimuli please?" Antonia asked politely.
Sarah hesitated but did as she asked.
"How is Lisa feeling?" Antonia asked gently.
"She says she hates your guts but she's not panicking, just really tired," Sarah said.
"Fair enough," Antonia replied quietly. "Tell her I don't like her either but I DO respect her."
Sarah closed her eyes and focused on her breathing. The minutes crawled by. Eventually she opened her eyes to see Antonia seated across from her, eyes closed and meditating.
"So, NOW the verdict?" Sarah prompted.
"By my count, Maggie and Patricia are yes, Sarah and Katie are no, Lisa is HELL no and Sam is PLEASE yes," Antonia replied calmly. "So it could go either way. I'm satisfied that you now know where you stand and will stop trying to protect Charles from you. I know he's free for dinner tomorrow and have reserved the same dining room for 6pm. Would you like me to invite him to meet you?"
Sarah glanced at a clock and saw it was 3am. Was she in any shape to meet Chuck? No but she'd be in better shape tomorrow than she'd been when Antonia had surprised her at the late supper.
"Yes, please," Sarah replied simply.
Antonia walked her back to her cottage and tucked her into bed.
"I'm going to crash on the couch in case you have bad dreams or a bad reaction, OK?" she whispered.
"OK, Antonia. I know you don't consider me your friend but after tonight I consider you mine," Sarah said sleepily. "Thanks for everything."
Antonia kissed her on the forehead.
Sam melted at the kiss, Lisa quickly stepped forward to seize control.
"Sleep tight, bitch," Sarah whispered, sticking her tongue out.
Antonia giggled softly as she closed the door behind her.
Sarah dreamt vividly that night. She was a ghost, drifting into a room with a round table. Five women sat around it, arguing loudly. She drifted under the table where a little girl was hiding. She found she could materialize and did so. The little girl didn't seem scared or surprised.
"Are they always like this?" Sarah asked her.
"Mostly," the girl admitted. "But it's worse when they stop talking to each other."
Sarah crawled out from under the table and drew herself up to her full height. She produced a sturdy nightstick from thin air and held it aloft.
"Talking stick," Sarah said firmly. "No talking unless you're holding the stick."
"No one tells ME when I can talk," Lisa snarled.
Sarah lashed out and smacked her vagus nerve with the nightstick. Lisa went down like a puppet who had just had his strings cut.
"Hold out your hand if you want to say something," Sarah said menacingly.
Soldier Sarah held out her hand and Sarah handed her the stick.
"I'm sick of this. Sick of Chuck, sick of teaching, sick of hiding. I need a mission!"
Soldier Sarah handed the stick to Katie.
"I'm with her. There's a whole world of pigeons out there just waiting to be plucked. Let's just go."
Katie handed off to Maggie.
"I'm cool with hanging around. I may be the only woman who's spent time with Chuck and HASN'T slept with him and I'm WAY too hot to be left on the shelf."
Maggie handed off to Patricia.
"As much as I'm in awe of Jane Bourne's need for a suicide mission and Jenny Ocean's need to steal the world, I have to point out that our latest adventure would have ended in an unmarked grave outside a black site if it hadn't been for Chuck. Let's learn from the master."
An angry Lisa hauled herself to her feet and ripped the stick out of Patricia's hands.
"In case none of you has noticed, Sam is more exposed than she's been since the rest of us were born," Lisa hissed venomously.
The girl crawled out from under the table and whispered in Sarah's ear. Sarah held out her hand. For a moment Lisa looked like she wanted to hit Sarah with the stick but she reluctantly handed it over.
"Sam tells me it's Lisa's job to protect her from the world," Sarah said calmly. Lisa nodded vigorously. "She wants to know whose job it is to protect her from Lisa?"
Sarah placed the stick in the middle of the table and folded her arms. No one moved to take it. There was a long uncomfortable silence before Lisa reached out and took the stick.
"I'm sorry, Sam," Lisa said in a broken voice. Sam ran over and gave her a hug.
The seven of them found themselves in many other situations, some of which made no sense at all. Over the course of the night, they learned to be much less quarrelsome and even managed to create some teamwork on occasion.
When Zondra gently shook her awake, she was shocked to see that the clock read 2pm.
"Hey Walker, how ya doing?" Zondra whispered.
"Pretty washed out. I had too much to dream last night," Sarah replied.
"I thought you were taking time for yourself. How did you end up dragging the Interrogation Queen behind you at three in the morning?" Zondra wondered.
"I needed someone who wouldn't let me weasel out of tough questions and ran into her first. Don't worry, you're still my top bullshit buster," Sarah smiled as she rubbed her eyes.
"Any idea why she thought she needed to spend the night on our couch?" Zondra asked.
"Shit got real. She was there. I dunno maybe Chuck asked her to keep an eye on me?" Sarah lied smoothly.
"Well at least she was able to wrangle us a decent brunch," Zondra shrugged.
Zondra guided Sarah to the kitchen where Antonia was unwrapping the last container of fruit. The three of them sat down and ate in strained silence. After about ten minutes of watching Sarah closely Antonia announced, "Well I've got things to do. Enjoy the rest of your day, ladies."
After she left Zondra noted, "Now that I have a better idea what she is, that bitch really creeps me out."
"I wouldn't want to get on her shit list," Sarah agreed as she scrolled through her messages. Chuck had agreed to meet her for dinner at six. "By the way, you'll be glad to hear I'm having a sit down with Chuck in a couple hours."
"Glad to hear you weren't planning on stringing him along more than a couple days," Zondra noted sardonically. "Where did you land?"
"I want to try to make it work, all in," Sarah said firmly, surprising herself.
"Because you love him or because you want him?" Zondra pressed.
"I love him," Sarah replied simply. "It's crazy and it scares me to death and I want to run for the hills and hide in a cave. Instead I'm going to march into a room in a couple hours and admit it to his face."
"Are you absolutely sure about this?" Zondra was merciless.
"I'm sure I love him," Sarah said. "The admitting it to his face, not so much."
"Wow," Zondra shook her head. "OK, I believe you. I'm still wondering how figured it out."
Sarah thought for a moment. She didn't want to say anything to make Zondra suspect the intersect was involved. "I realized that the only thing keeping me from admitting my feelings was my fear of opening myself up like that."
"Makes sense," Zondra nodded. "Well if you end up coming apart at the seams when you see him, mumbling to yourself and drooling, I'm throwing Antonia under the bus."
"That's a great plan," Sarah rolled her eyes. "Try to set up an intersect vs intersect fight with yourself in the middle."
"Shush, you," Zondra teased. "We're in Italy now. No saying the 'I' word. From now on we'll just say 'Chuck's Thing'."
"People will think we're talking about his dick," Sarah laughed. "How about 'Kickass Thing'?"
"Good call," Zondra agreed with a grin.
Sarah said she wanted to run a few miles to work off her nervous energy and Zondra agreed to run with her. All the colors looked brighter and all the scents were sharper. Sarah marveled at the change and when she tried to figure out what was going on, she quickly realized Sam was sharing her senses. She impulsively asked Zondra to run her through some basic dance routines. They found an empty studio and Sarah reveled in the simple joy of rhythmic motion.
"Whatever you're on, share some of it with me," Zondra said in amazement.
"As soon as I figure out how, you've got dibs," Sarah assured her.
They finally returned to the cottage and showered. Sarah dressed for dinner and did her makeup under Zondra's critical eye. Finally Zondra pronounced her perfect and told her to be strong.
Sarah got to the dining room half an hour early. She stood and sipped water while the busboys cleared the table and set it up afresh. At 5:45 she activated a couple of the Lisa stimuli to bring her forward and check on her. Lisa was a nervous wreck and Sarah soothed her, praising her for letting Sam enjoy the run and the dance. She promised she would not let Chuck destroy her or silence her. At precisely 6pm, Charles Galois entered the dining room.
"It's good to see you, Sarah," Chuck said with quiet warmth. He reached for her hand but Sarah slowly and deliberately pulled him into a full body hug.
"I love you, Chuck," she whispered into his ear. "Always have, even when I was too scared and confused to admit it to myself."
Chuck unwrapped himself from her and held her shoulders, looking directly into her eyes as he said, "I love you too, Sarah. I've been stupid and gullible and let things come between us but I never stopped either."
Sarah didn't think about it, she just grabbed his head and pulled his lips to hers as she raised herself on her toes. The kiss was as desperate as the one they had shared when they thought Bryce's capsule was a bomb. Gradually it morphed into something more tender but the kiss went on and on. Sarah remembered a Dr Seuss book from her childhood about two creatures who each refused to move aside for the other and stood glaring at each other as the world changed around them. She thought she could be content just standing there kissing Chuck like that for a long, long time. It was Chuck who finally broke the kiss.
"OK, I believe you," he said with a shy smile.
They shared a quiet laugh and sat down to eat. Their status as two people in love after all that they had gone through was surreal to both and they each feared any loud or sudden movement could break the spell. They mostly just stared at each other until they were halfway through the main course.
"When you asked me why I left you hanging in Prague it got me thinking," Chuck said. "I just can't believe how ridiculously and utterly stupid I was. 'I have to leave you and let the government train me to be more like you because I love you.' I wish I could claim the intersect melted my brain but even if it had it still makes no sense. Nothing but preventing future separation is worth voluntarily separating myself from you. Even my bizzaro logic didn't make me think government training would give me more time with you in the future than what you were offering. I'm glad I can't go back in time because current me would go back and try to beat the stupid out of past me. I'm afraid with that much stupid past me would die before current me was able to get it all."
Sarah's eyes crossed as she tried to follow Chuck's time travel logic. Finally she laughed softly and shook her head, "I wish I could honestly say there was less stupid in me. I pushed you away time after time for two entire years. You pushed me away ONCE and I said, 'Fine, we're over then. I'll ignore all future attempts you make to contact me because even if it's a simple misunderstanding I'm not about to give you a chance to explain.' Trying to enter into a relationship with someone who does that is pointless. I don't care how in love a couple is, at some point there will be misunderstanding and serious hurt feelings. There's a simple description for women like past me: single."
Their mutual admission of jaw dropping idiocy was enough to make them stop worrying about breaking the spell. They laughed and shared details from the time were apart. When either shared something that shocked the other they asked more questions to understand but never felt like there was any danger of a rift between them.
"Chuck, can you remember what made you fall in love with me? Was there anything apart from my great looks, awesome spy skills, and saving your life at least once a week?" Sarah asked playfully over dessert.
Chuck carefully considered the question for a while. Eventually he said, "There was something else, something more important than any of that. Every once in a while I'd catch you truly enjoying something or doing something nice that wasn't on mission. There were a million little moments where the mask slipped ever so slightly and I got the tiniest glimpse of someone innocent and kind and genuine beneath it. I think that's the person I fell in love with. I don't know if that makes any sense."
Sarah didn't understand why she was crying but she couldn't stop. Something within her felt very wrong. She did deep breathing and it slowed her tears but didn't stop them and didn't make the wrong go away. Finally she activated the touch and muscle stimuli associated with each persona in turn and internally asked if they knew what was happening. Soldier Sarah, Maggie, Patricia, and Katie had no clue. When she tried to bring Lisa forward there was no answer. She tried again and again until she heard a tiny voice in her mind scream, IT'S ME! She let herself follow the voice and found herself in the presence of Sam, who was jumping up and down in excitement.
"What's you?" Sarah silently asked Sam.
"It's me! He caught me peeking! He saw me! He LOVES me!" Sam cried in jubulation.
Something in Sarah's foundation shifted and she passed out. She had no idea how much time passed before a sharp odor pierced her head like a railroad spike and she opened her eyes. She was staring into the face of a very worried looking Chuck.
"Sarah," Chuck's voice was low but urgent. "Did Antonia use the Intersect to interrogate you?"
"Uh huh," Sam said.
Chuck looked aside and hissed, "DAMN that woman!"