"Daddy, Daddy," Jack screamed in the dark, and seconds later, the door to his room burst open, and Hotch rushed in. "It's okay, buddy, I'm here," he assured him softly. Jack, on his part, scurried over to his father the second the door opened, and threw himself at him. Hotch held him close and rubbed his back comfortingly. "I'm here, buddy," he repeated, as his ears picked up Haley's footsteps behind him. She was sharing the spare room with Jack, but neither of them could sleep, so they were both on the couch talking when Jack started screaming.
"I'm scared," Jack whimpered into Hotch's neck, and he sighed sadly. He knew Jack realized Foyet was a criminal, but he didn't think he comprehended much beyond that. He had thankfully been able to get him out of the room before Amalya's shots rang and put two holes into Foyet. She'd taken Jack out of the house without him seeing Foyet, and they left before CSU started processing. Was it possible some of their talk filtered through the headphones while they were back at the BAU? Or in the car?
He'd been sleeping fine the first couple of nights, but then he would suddenly wake up crying and cling to Hotch. He understood Haley's fretful, and nightmare-infested sleep. After all, she did end up with a gun to the back of her head. Maybe he should speak to a professional about this.
He sat down on the bed, the upset four-year-old balling up in his lap, his hands still clutching Hotch's cotton t-shirt. "I'm here, buddy," he whispered reassuringly once more, his hand running up and down the four-year-old's back soothingly. "I won't let anything happen to you," he promised, and Jack simply snuggled up to him even further.
They stayed like that for a while, with Haley sitting on the bed by their feet. Jack had fallen asleep within a few minutes in Hotch's arms, but his grip around the shirt had become iron clad.
Hotch sighed in frustration after a few mintues of silence. Haley's eyes cut to him, and she moved to sit closer so her voice wouldn't wake Jack. "Aaron, this isn't about Foyet." She said, and Hotch – who'd been staring at an invisible spot on his sweatpants – snapped out of his reverie and looked at her questioningly. She smiled softly in the dark of the room which was dimly lit by the sliver of light filtering through the open door. "I can hear the gears turning inside your head," she quipped, and he chuckled softly. The sudden movement of his chest made Jack stir in his lap, which Hotch took as his que to lay the boy down by his side. Jack stirred a bit more, but Hotch's soothing shushing quickly lulled him back to sleep. He kept one hand on his back, as he finally turned his attention back to Haley.
"I let one of the most ruthless killers to ever exist sit across a coffee table from my son; he knew he wasn't a good man. What else would it be about?" he refuted gently, yet his exhausted voice betrayed the amount of guilt he felt.
Haley sighed; she knew he would blame himself. Hell, that's one of the things she thought about when Foyet was about to kill her. And she guessed, that had he succeeded, Hotch's guilt would have rolled over the Earth. She leaned forward, moving closer to him in the process, as she placed a comforting hand on his knees.
"You didn't let him do anything! You heard what Amalya said, this guy has been planning this for ten years, he was light years ahead of everyone because he spent ten years planning what his next move would be when that detective dies; he studied the team, each and every member. You did everything you were supposed to do, everything you could do." She argued, pausing for a moment to let her words sink in. But she could tell that he wasn't really convinced.
"I should've come with you," he shot back, and she shook her head.
"That would've put us in more danger, and you know it." She said adamantly.
"You two were vulnerable; I should've shown you what he looked like, told you more about him. You fell right into his trap…" he rattled off.
"No! Hoyt should've been the one to show me his picture; that was his job. He's the one who didn't do his job properly, despite the ample warning he got from Amalya," she said forcefully.
"If it hadn't been for her….." he trailed off. The alternative haunted his dreams, his waking moments. Every time he saw Haley with Jack, his mind would wander off to what it would have been like had Amalya not shown up. That was one debt he would never be able to repay.
"Let's not go there. She came, she saved me, - and according to the Director and the AG – also handed Hoyt his ass on a platter!" she joked, and he cracked a smile. "Stop berating yourself for not seeing what she saw. She was fresh eyes. She didn't face him before, didn't spend ten years with his profile haunting her." She continued.
"She was racing against time like we all were," he pointed out.
"Yeah, but she's small. Less surface area means less resistance," she quipped, and he couldn't help but laugh. "She got there faster, because she wasn't working on anything else. Who knows if she'd been part of the team for years if she'd reached the same conclusions or not?"
"She would have. I didn't spend the past two years hounding Strauss about hiring a new agent because we needed someone; I did it because she has something that none of us possess. Her background affects how she sees things, and her perspective wasn't like anything I've ever seen." he told her.
"Okay, so she would have. But you just said that she was different. So, stop berating yourself about this. I promise you, it's not on your head. And I felt the same way with the gun at my head too." She assured him.
"But this isn't about Foyet!" he repeated her first statement in disbelief, signaling with his head to the now peacefully sleeping four-year-old.
"It's not. He's worried you will leave again." She dead panned, and he frowned at her. "Being away from you without being able to see or talk to you hit him hard," she continued, and his eyes saddened, as they drifted to Jack's sleeping form. "Especially on his birthday." She finished softly, and he closed his eyes in pain. "Why don't you sleep here tonight, and I'll make use of that king-sized bed of yours?" she suggested, and he wordlessly nodded.
He slid under the covers next to his son, draped one hand over his back, and pressed a kiss to his temple, before he lay his head next to him. Haley stood for a moment watching them both, before she closed the door and headed off towards the other room, to try and get some sleep herself.
Morning had come by too quickly; both Jack and Hotch had showered, leaving no hot water for Haley, so she decided to shower after breakfast was done with, and some of Jack's boxes were unpacked. She hadn't really decided what's going to happen with her and Hotch yet; but she knew that at the moment Jack needed some stability, not to mention that she doubted Hotch would agree to their previous custody agreement in light of everything that happened. They hadn't even spoke about his job. She knew the team had been called for a case, but Hotch decided to take advantage of the time off the Director more or less ordered.
She emerged from the shower, and saw Jack playing with a few of his action figures, with Hotch standing right behind him, his phone in his hand, and a frown adorning his face as he scowled at his phone.
"Everything okay?" she asked, as she made her way over to Jack, and ruffled his hair.
"Strauss wants to talk to me," he said vaguely.
"Are you gonna go, Daddy?" Jack wondered sadly, abandoning his action figures and turning towards his father. Hotch shook his head, as he plucked Jack out of the chair and held him close. "No, buddy. She's gonna come here."
Haley's eyebrows hit her hairline at that statement. "Must be urgent!" she commented, and Hotch shrugged.
"Hey, buddy. What were you doing?" Hotch asked Jack, to change the subject. Jack, immediately perking up, turned towards the table and the now-discarded figurines. "That's you," he said, pointing towards one. "And that's the bad guy," he pointed towards the other. "You were fighting him," he finished.
"Yeah," Haley said enthusiastically, and he nodded eagerly. "And who's winning?" she asked.
"Daddy!" he said matter of factly. "No body beats Daddy!" he announced proudly, complete with a dead-ringer for Hotch serious look on his face. Haley looked over at Hotch, her eyebrow arching pointedly, a smirk playing on her lips, and he chuckled.
"Okay, so it wasn't about that." He conceded.
Her hand flew to her chest, her mouth falling open in fake shock. "Aaron Matthew Hotchner, did you just admit that I'm right?!" she gasped, and he couldn't help but laugh, especially at Jack's innocent laughter at his mother's absurd behavior.
"Mommy, you're being silly." He giggled, and Haley laughed along with him, as she moved towards the duo. "I'm being silly," she said indignantly, as she tickled the four-year-old, who immediately squealed and turned towards Hotch's broader chest to hide. Hotch wrapped him in a hug and pretended to stop Haley's assaulting hands.
Haley couldn't help but notice that even though Hotch seemed genuinely happy, that something was still bothering him in the back of his mind. She knew he was trying to figure out why Strauss needed to talk to him before his vacation was up and knew that no matter how many times she would say not to worry about it, that he will, so she saved her breath.
"How about some lunch?" she suggested, after planting one last smacking kiss to Jack's head. It was already past noon.
"Grilled cheese?" Jack asked excitedly, and she nodded.
A little over an hour later, Haley was putting away the empty plates, when they heard a knock at the door. Hotch went towards the door, checking the peephole, before he released the safety chain and pulled the door open. Strauss stood on the other side of the door, and Jack looked over at her with curious eyes. He'd already met her a few days before but was curious as to why she came over. He was worried she would take his dad away again.
"Chief Strauss, I appreciate you coming to me," Hotch greeted, as he opened the door and let her in.
"Oh of course, you shouldn't be away from your family," she said gently, before her eyes found said family, and nodded in greeting towards them.
"Jack, can you say hi to Chief Strauss?" Hotch commented softly.
"Hi," Jack said warily, still not completely trusting that she won't take Hotch away.
"Hi, Jack." She said softly, and Jack waved at her. "Mrs. Hotchner how are you holding up?" she asked, cutting her eyes over to Haley.
Haley smiled softly. "I'm doing good, thank you. Would you like something to drink?"
Strauss smiled politely at her. "No, thank you."
Haley nodded, before taking Jack's hand. "We'll let you two talk." And with that, she more or less dragged Jack away, the younger Hotch still not quite trusting the Chief.
"Aaron, I know someone who has some experience with situations similar to what happened if you would like to give him a call," she informed him, and he nodded.
"I was planning on asking around. So, yes I appreciate the offer." Hotch said.
Inside the room, Jack had his ear sticking to the door, as he strained to hear the conversation happening outside.
"Jack, what do you think you're doing?" Haley asked. "You know you shouldn't eavesdrop," she scolded slightly.
"What if she's here to take Daddy away again?" he mumbled sadly, and she sighed in frustration. This whole witness protection thing hit him harder than she and Hotch both thought.
"Jack, I promise you she won't. I don't think your daddy would let anyone take him away again," she soothed. And she wasn't lying; she knew Hotch would move heaven and earth before he let them be away again.
Jack shuffled his feet over to his mother, and she picked him and set him in her lap. "Sweetheart, we only had to go away because of George. And he's gone now," she reminded him.
"But what if more bad guys come?" he wondered. "What if they make us go away again?" he continued.
Haley sighed, she had to admit that he had a valid point, but she couldn't let him live in fear.
"I thought you said no body beats your dad?" she reminded him of his earlier statement, and he nodded. "Yeah, he's the strongest," he stated proudly.
"So, do you think he will let another bad guy take him away?" she pressed, and he shook his head. "We're safe, honey, and your dad won't let anyone keep him away from us anymore." She promised him.
Haley tiptoed out of the room, slowly closing the door behind her, before she made her way to the front of the apartment, just in time to see Hotch and Strauss getting up from the couch.
"As soon as I've made my decision, I will let you know," Hotch told Strauss.
"Of course, take all the time you need." She assured him, as she made her way towards the door, before she stopped and turned around. "One favor though," she started, and he nodded at her to continue. "Regardless of your decision, can you convince Agent Dawoud to stay?" she wondered, and both Hotch and Haley were shocked.
"She wants to leave?" Haley heard her own voice ask the question in disbelief before she could stop herself. They both turned towards her, and Hotch looked as shocked as she sounded.
"Technically, she was a private consultant, not really a part of the BAU yet. When we started to discuss a more permanent arrangement, she declined." Strauss elaborated, but it did nothing to alleviate their shock.
"Why do you think I would be able to change her mind? The Director tried to hire her before, and she refused then as well." Hotch wondered.
"When I spoke to her about coming on board; the original agreement was that she would become a part of the BAU, and she said she would only come on if I had your seal of approval," she started, and saw Hotch about to comment, so she cut him off. "I know she's the one you've been hounding me for two years about hiring, Aaron, that's why I called her as soon as I needed fresh eyes," she told him, and he nodded. "But I also knew that with your family's life on the line, you would have been hesitant to allow her to come aboard. I was going to tell you, but you stepped down, and I took my shot," she continued. "She's the one who came up with the idea to stay in the shadows, even from all of you to avoid being detected by Foyet. And since she caught on to the fact that I deceived her when I said I had your seal of approval, she's saying that she wont stay." She finished.
"I'll talk to her." Hotch assured her.
An hour later, Hotch and Haley were sitting on the couch talking about what Strauss told him, when another knock came. Hotch shot off from the couch, and looked through the peephole once more, releasing the safety chain as he opened the door.
Haley was getting to her feet just as Hotch swung the door open, revealing a more relaxed Amalya. She looked different when she wasn't furious with a US Marshal; or hadn't just shot a notorious serial killer. She was in black pants, a white shirt and beige jacket. Her hair loose on her back with a few strands cascading down the front of her shoulders in loose, almost wavy curls. She looked rested, her eyes not as dark or clouded anymore.
"Thank you for coming on such short notice," Hotch greeted, as he moved to the side and ushered her in.
"Of course," she said, smiling at him and Haley. "How are you holding up?" she directed her question at Haley.
Haley smiled at her. "I'm coping," she answered.
"It'll take time, you should allow yourself that," she advised softly, and Haley nodded.
"Strauss was here earlier," Hotch started, half expecting Haley to excuse herself like last time, but to his surprise, she stayed. "She told me about your decision to leave the BAU," he started, and she cut him off. "Technically, I'm simply turning down the offer," she corrected.
He chuckled. "Yes, she did mention the technically part," he commented, and she smiled. "And I think it's a mistake," he said flatly.
She chuckled at his bluntness. "Going for the kill I see." She quipped, and he smiled. "I know you think Erin didn't have my approval," he started, and she cut him off. "She didn't." She insisted, and he shook his head. "She may not have had my approval about the timing, but she did have it about hiring you," he stated.
"I was a necessity; one that's no longer needed. Haley and Jack are fine, and Foyet's gone. It wouldn't feel right to stay. I don't want to push anybody out," she told him, and he frowned. "What do you mean?" he asked, and she pointed with her head towards the retirement package lying on the coffee table. "Morgan would be Unit Chief, so technically, I would be replacing you," she elaborated.
"They're not forcing me out for your sake; they want you onboard regardless of my decision, which I haven't made yet," he informed her, and she was confused. "Amalya, Strauss didn't pull your name out of thin air. I've had my eye on you for close to two years when Foyet struck; I've hounded her for those two years about making room in the budget for another agent, even more so after our first encounter with Foyet," he recounted, and it took Amalya by surprise. "Yes, I gave her other options, but that's only because she doesn't exactly like being told who to hire, so I merely presented it as a top option, but she knew I was really after you. I had no idea the Director had approached you before and you refused."
"Yeah, the timing wasn't right for me," she said.
"I know that's not the real reason," he dead panned, and she chuckled. "But my point is; even if I had been hesitant about you coming on board to the team with Foyet hunting my family down, I was wrong."
Hotch was always good at reading people, even before he joined the BAU, it's what made him a good lawyer. He knew that his last statement struck a nerve, despite Amalya's impressive abilities to hide just how much it did.
"Hotch, you don't have to do that. I don't want you to feel obligated to keep me on because of what I did. Foyet had to be taken out, and I would have agreed to do it regardless of the situation I was called in for. His reputation was global, and no one had any doubt that the only way to stop him was to put him six feet under." She argued.
"Amalya, I'm not trying to keep you as payback for what you did. I don't think I can ever repay that debt," he shot back, and she opened her mouth to argue, so he held his hand up to stop her. "And this isn't me trying. I've wanted you onboard when all I knew about you I knew on paper. You honestly think I would let you slip away now that I've seen what you're capable of for myself?"
She sighed audibly; she did want the job, her reason for turning it down before no longer viable, the timing was perfect….and the schedule was a hell of a lot calmer than her previous one, not to mention the danger was cut by almost 90%, which should make her family happy. Haley's voice pulled her out of her reverie.
"Amalya, the team is very good at what they do, but none of them – Aaron included – have that aim of yours," she started, and Amalya chuckled. "Not to mention your very complex background is bound to influence how you view cases and criminals, just like it did with Foyet. So just think about how many close calls you can turn around, how many Haley and Jack you can save."
"None of us saw what you saw with Foyet, including Rossi – who founded the BAU, and is one of the most experienced profilers I've ever seen – and he still didn't see it. You have a unique point of view, and it will be a great asset to the team, and I would be a fool if I let you slip away once more." Hotch added.
Just then, a small voice from the hallway behind Hotch and Haley came. "Daddy." Jack said through his yawn, before his sleepy eyelids finally pulled apart and he looked at the three adults in the room, his face lighting up – the last of the sleep fog disappearing within seconds – at the sight of one occupant in particular.
"Amaya!" he squeaked, as he sprinted towards the brunette, who merely grinned at him as she caught him, and hoisted him up to settle him on her hip. "Hey buddy, did you take a good nap?" she asked, and he nodded eagerly. "That's good, because I have something for you," she teased, and he smiled at her eagerly, as her other hand rummaged blindly in the purse slung over her shoulder. If Haley didn't already know she didn't have any children, she would think she's a veteran mother. Not only with how good she was with kids, but with her impressive abilities to multi-task on a level only a mother masters. Her hand finally emerged from the bag with a USB stick, one that she waved at Jack, who looked confused for a few seconds, before his fogged brain put the pieces into place.
"The video with the silly voices?" he squealed, and she nodded as she laughed. He squealed with glee, as he threw his arms around her neck.
"Jack, what do we say?" Haley reminded gently, happy that her downtrodden boy from a couple of hours ago was back to his happy, bubbly self.
"Thank you," he said with glee into Amalya's hair.
"You are most welcome," she chuckled, though her voice sounded a bit strained, and Haley knew from experience that Jack probably had his arms wrapped too tight.
"Hey Jack, how would you like it if Amalya worked with me, and you get to visit her?" Hotch asked, an all-too-innocent expression on his face. Jack immediately turned his head around – arms still wrapped around her neck – and beamed at his father. "Really!"
Haley had to hold back her laughter, Amalya's raised eyebrow and glare that were directed at Hotch were a dead-ringer for his own when he's non-too-pleased with a situation. She had to admit it was a bit of a low blow, but she also knew it would work on Amalya.
Hotch looked pointedly at Amalya. "Well?" he pressed, and Jack immediately rounded his puppy-eyes on her. "Are you really gonna work with Daddy?" he said, in the most Oliver Twist-like voice he could muster, and Haley nearly burst out laughing right then and there. Her son was really putting on the moves on her. Like father, like son. Spare no weapons in the Hotchner Boys weaponry.
Amalya smirked at Hotch. "Does that mean you won't be using this?" she pointed towards the retirement package on the coffee table.
"I'll see you Monday." Was all Hotch said.
It was well past Jack's bedtime, and Hotch had finally managed to put him to bed. His long and late in the day nap had made it slightly difficult for the energetic four-year-old to want to sleep; add to that the fact his excitement after he finally got to finish the video Amalya was showing him, and it was damn near impossible to get him to stop his incessant and excited blabbering. The one constant though, was him asking to sleep in Hotch's bed again. Not quite ready to part with his dad, and Hotch obliged.
Hotch tip-toed out of the room, and saw Haley doing the last of the dinner dishes in the kitchen. He saw at the counter and fumbled with his hands. "Haley, we need to talk about what happened today. About what I said to Amalya." He stated.
"Yeah, and I'm hoping you will let me go first." She wondered, and he nodded at her to continue.
"I was wrong before," she started, and he frowned. "When I said you are who you are because of the job, and that if you stepped back from it, you can be someone else." She elaborated, and he looked down at his hands. How much he wished that was true; things would be easier for him, for his family….
"But like I said I was wrong," she repeated her earlier statement, and his head snapped up. "You do this job because of who you are. You've always wanted people to be punished for their crimes, to help as much as you can in making the world a less evil place. You've seen the worst of mankind long before this job," she alluded, and he pushed the demons back into the dark crypts of his mind where they belong. "It never really clicked in my mind until you told me you spent two years hounding Strauss to hire Amalya, not because the team needed another member, but because the team needed her. Because her perspective offered something different that would help you against some of the more complex minds out there. Especially when I saw you two today; she's like the female version of you," she joked, and he chuckled. "Which is probably how you knew using Jack against her would work," she teased, and he laughed. "You wanted her onboard because you know her unique background will help; and just like you, everything she ever did in her career, she did because of who she was. So, it makes sense for you to want her to join, for even the Director to approach her, the BAU is the perfect fit." She continued.
"Haley, you and Jack mean the world to me, more than anything else in the world," he started, and she nodded.
"I know, Aaron, I never doubted that. And I meant every word I said that day to you, and yesterday. None of this is your fault." She assured him.
"I know, and I wish I can stop doing what I do, step away like Gideon did, that I was different…." He rambled, but she cut him off.
"I don't. I fell in love with you because of who you are, you're the dad you are to Jack because of who you are. You didn't change the rules of the game, I did." She shot back. "I can't ask you to change who you are just because I want you to," she continued. "And that's why I think you did the right thing by not taking that retirement package," she finished, and he had to admit he was surprised.
"You are where you belong; at the BAU and with Jack. You just have to find a way to balance it better so he can have his dad more in his life; whatever accommodations you would have been forced to do had Amalya not made it, do them now." She told him.
Hotch nodded. He knew she was right about Jack, he did have to make sure he was more present, he would've had to accommodate had Haley not survived, so why not do it now? He had to be honest with himself though and admit that he was disappointed that Haley didn't seem to be willing to give them another shot. He still loved her, and he wished he can be with them again. But he had to respect her wishes, if she couldn't handle his lifestyle as his wife, then he would respect that.
"Now, go call Strauss and tell her you'll be back Monday, and to get started on Amalya's contract. I don't think that girl is gonna be an easy negotiation." She quipped and he smiled -genuinely smiled – at her, before he saluted, and got up to do exactly what she said. She may not be his wife, but she was still one of his closest friends.
So I couldn't find a single official source that gave Hotch a middle name, so I did :)
A long chapter to make up for the wait. Let me know what you all think.