Author's Note: I'm blown away by all of the love for this little fic. Thank you so very much!
Dates continue to be important in this chapter as we continue with flashbacks from Olivia and Noah's life during Elliot's absence.
TW: There is a brief scene with Lewis and mentions of Olivia's abduction. Please read with caution if you need to.
Thank you for the incredible reviews!
[][][][][][][][][][]
March 6, 2021
Before she knew it, Olivia was sitting in the hospital waiting for news about Kathy. The last hour had been a blur, and she honestly didn't even remember the drive behind the ambulance, and she was a little surprised that she arrived at the hospital safely.
Olivia had been shocked by the arrival of Kathleen and Dickie, as she hadn't seen any of Elliot's children since his disappearance from her life. Losing his children had been hard for her, since she'd considered them family as well. She couldn't help but wonder what their reaction to Noah would have been and how different his life could have been if he'd grown up knowing his five siblings.
She tucked herself in the back of the waiting room, afraid of intruding on Elliot's private moments with two of his children, but also afraid of letting Elliot out of her sight, fearing his reappearance would turn out to be some kind of dream. Through the overheard conversations, Olivia found out that Eli was still in Rome, staying with friends while his parents were away, and Maureen was a married mother of two young sons. Elliot was a grandfather. It made her curious about what other significant events she'd missed out on with the Stabler family.
Family.
She couldn't help but wonder what kind of relationship she and Elliot would've had if he'd stayed, if he'd known about Noah, if he'd been involved in their lives.
Would his marriage to Kathy have survived their brief affair, especially having created a child? Would she and Elliot have spent the last ten years together as a family with their son?
It was almost too much, and Olivia found herself tearing up, so she shook her head, trying to banish the thoughts, at least until she was alone. Right now, she needed to be strong for this hurting family. She was glad that even with Elliot, Kathy, and Eli out of the country, presumably for quite a few years, the family had maintained their close bonds. However, it made her heart ache over the fact that she and Noah had spent the last ten years mostly on their own.
[][][][][][][][][][]
November 19, 2011
An exhausted Olivia opened the door to find her captain standing there with a large bouquet of flowers.
"Captain! This is a nice surprise," Olivia said, stepping aside to let him in.
After setting the flowers down, Cragen pulled Olivia into a hug. "I wanted to check in on you and maybe spend a little time with my favorite grandson," he said with a smile.
"Noah is asleep right now, but he should be up soon, and I know he'll be thrilled to see you," Olivia said as they sat on her couch together.
Cragen watched as Olivia leaned into the couch, her eyes fluttering sleepily. "Liv, I know I don't have a lot of experience with babies, but I'd be happy to stay for awhile and help with Noah so you can get some sleep," he offered, reaching out and squeezing her hand.
"I appreciate it," Olivia answered. "But we're doing ok. It's hard, much harder than I imagined it would be, but I know things will get better, and we'll figure out a routine. It's just going to take some time."
Cragen studied his detective, not entirely convinced that Olivia was doing as well as she indicated. Although he didn't have children, he understood that raising a child in a two-parent home was difficult, so he couldn't imagine the challenges that single parenthood entailed.
"Please, just promise me that you'll reach out if you need help. We're all here for you."
"Thank you," Olivia said, genuinely appreciative of her captain's concern and offer to help.
After a few moments, Olivia felt the conversation drift into a more serious tone, and she could tell that Cragen had something tough to discuss with her.
"Don, what's going on?" she asked cautiously.
He sighed, knowing his best detective would realize that he had another motive for visiting her. "I just wanted to let you know that a couple of days ago, I went to Elliot's house. I know you didn't ask for it, but I went to tell him about Noah."
Olivia froze, shocked at his revelation and fearful for what it meant. "Don, you didn't."
"I did," he said. "I know how much you want him to be here, and I know you were too afraid to do it."
Olivia wiped at her tears. "What did he say?" she asked, unsure she wanted to hear the answer. Elliot hadn't reached out, so she had to assume he wanted nothing to do with her or their son.
Again, Cragen reached for her hand, his thumb gently stroking the back of it. "I'm so sorry, Liv. He wasn't there. There was a family moving in, and they said the family that moved out left no forwarding address. I don't have any idea where he is."
Olivia closed her eyes, taking in the news. From the moment she found out she was pregnant, she wanted Elliot to know, imagined telling him they'd created a child. Since the birth of their son, she saw Elliot's face every time she looked at their boy, and it made her heart ache. She hadn't realized until this moment that she'd truly been holding her breath and waiting for the moment that everything would be revealed. Now, that opportunity was gone. No one knew where he was or how to reach him. She and Noah truly were alone.
"Oh. Ok." Olivia sighed. "It's probably for the best. Noah and I are figuring out how to do this on our own. We'll be fine."
He nodded, a sad smile on his face. "I know you will be. I just wanted you to know."
"I appreciate you trying to help. But we're ok."
She took a moment, covering her face with her hands as she attempted to compose herself, hating that she was allowing these tears to fall in front of her captain. Although she knew he wouldn't lose respect for her, Olivia hated displaying anything that could be perceived as a weakness.
Their silence was interrupted by the soft cries of her newborn, and Olivia took a deep breath, wiped her eyes, and rushed off to check on her son. When she reached her room and peered into the crib, Elliot's beautiful blue eyes were looking up at her. She scooped Noah up, and as she rested him against her chest, his cries immediately quieted, comforted by his mother's embrace. Olivia carried Noah over to the changing table, and after replacing his diaper, she took him out into the living room where Cragen was waiting for them.
Olivia laughed as he immediately held out his arms, waiting for his chance to hold his grandson. The mood of the room lifted, and for the next hour, Olivia and her captain, the closest thing she'd ever had to a father, fawned over her little boy, amazed at the most perfect, unexpected addition to their family.
Later that night, when Noah was nursing, snuggled up in Olivia's arms, Cragen's parting words rang in her head.
'I'm proud of you, Liv. You're a natural at this, and Noah is lucky to have you. I can't wait to watch the two of you on this journey together.'
Olivia smiled as she recalled his words, grateful for his support, his encouragement, and his faith in her abilities. She still felt out of her element, but each day had been a little better than the last.
She and Noah would figure this out. Together.
[][][][][][][][][][]
May 24, 2013
"What's that look? You feeling sad? Thinking about someone you're never gonna see again? Mom? Dad? Boyfriend?"
Olivia didn't answer Lewis, refusing to speak, refusing to even make eye contact with the beast.
"No, huh? It's someone else, someone who you would give anything to see just one more time. Just try to put him out of your mind, ok? Because you don't make it out of here alive."
Olivia's eyes closed. She couldn't get her son's face out of her mind.
Her precious baby boy.
Noah was eighteen months old, and as hard as it had been to raise him on her own, it had also been the best eighteen months of her life. Noah had been such an unexpected blessing, and she was devastated and terrified that she would be leaving him alone.
What would happen to her son when she was gone?
Olivia hadn't made any plans, hadn't even considered where Noah would go should something happen to her. He'd been with Lucy when she was taken, but she didn't know where he was now or where he would go long-term.
Would Nick take him, make her son a part of his family? Cragen? Would someone be able to reach Elliot, and would Olivia's death be the way he'd find out they had a child?
No.
This wasn't the end. Olivia couldn't just give up, not when her little boy needed her. She had to fight back and figure a way out of this and get home to her son.
So she fought, harder than she'd fought since the day she brought her son into the world.
Olivia wasn't sure if Lewis was dead or not, so to be safe, she held a gun on him until help arrived.
When she heard Nick's voice enter the room, she was finally able to breathe a sigh of relief.
"Liv. Liv, it's Nick," he said, approaching her cautiously. "Put down the gun. It's all over now."
Olivia turned around, holding out the gun to her partner.
"Where's Noah?" she asked quietly. "I need to see my son. Please, Nick."
"He's with Lucy," Nick answered. "He's ok, Liv. We're going to get you to the hospital to get checked out, and then we'll get you home to him as soon as possible."
Olivia nodded, leaning into him as he wrapped a blanket around her.
It was over. She was safe, and she was going home to her son.
Later that evening, Olivia stood at Noah's bedside watching him sleep until her aching body screamed for her to stop. Four days away from her son hurt, and she couldn't help but be grateful that she was even alive to see him again.
She'd been through hell, a hell worse than she'd ever imagined, and somehow she'd made it through to the other side. Her body was burned and broken, but she was alive; her son still had his mother.
When she couldn't stand any longer, Olivia slowly made her wait back to Nick's living room.
"I was wondering if you fell asleep in there," Nick chuckled.
A small smile crossed Olivia's face as she carefully lowered herself onto the couch next to her partner. "I just…couldn't walk away from him. I missed him so much, and I was so scared I would never see him again."
Nick carefully put his arm around Olivia and was both surprised and relieved that she leaned into him. "He's so lucky to have you, Liv. We did the best we could with him while you were…gone, but no one could replace you. Noah needed you."
"I appreciate you letting us stay here tonight. If our apartment looks the way it did when I left, there's no way we could've stayed there."
"You're welcome in my home any time," Nick said. "You and Noah can stay here as long as you need to, and when you're ready, we'll either clean up your apartment or find you a new one."
After a few minutes of silence, Olivia decided to bring up a topic she'd been avoiding since she returned home. "Can I ask you something?" she asked cautiously.
"Anything," Nick said.
Silence filled the space between them again as Olivia formulated her question. "How was Brian with Noah while I was gone?"
Nick sighed, pulling away from Olivia as he covered his face with his hand. "I know you care about Cassidy, but he…he's not good for you, for either of you. He's not ready to be a father, Liv. You deserve more than what he's capable of giving you, you and Noah."
After a moment, Olivia nodded. "I know, Nick. I just needed to know that it wasn't all in my head."
"Just…don't make any major changes to your life just yet. You just got back. Take your time, get settled, and reevaluate everything later, ok?"
"Ok," she said quietly. She looked up at Nick's face. "You're a good friend, Nick Amaro. Noah and I are both lucky to have you."
They sat in silence for a little while longer, and Olivia began to drift off to sleep against Nick's shoulder. He recognized her struggle to remain awake, and he gently nudged her before saying, "Let's get you to bed, Liv. You're exhausted, and you need to rest."
Olivia nodded, her eyes continuing to flutter. "Yeah. I need some sleep."
Nick rose from the couch and helped Olivia carefully stand, cringing as she winced in pain. "What can I do to help?" he asked.
Olivia shook her head as she said, "Nothing. I just need some sleep."
She leaned against Nick as they made their way to his room, her body really feeling the full extent of her injuries. He helped her settle in bed next to Noah, and she was, again, so grateful for his friendship.
"Thanks again for everything," she said sincerely. "I appreciate it."
Nick allowed a small smile to slip out, despite the seriousness of the situation. "I'm glad you're back, Liv. I'll come in and get Noah during the night if he wakes up, so maybe you can sleep through the night."
"You don't have to do that, Nick. We'll be ok."
Nick held up his hands, preventing Olivia from further protesting. "I know you will, but I…Liv, I don't want to get into all of this right now, but I blame myself for this happening. I should've brought you home. I should've checked on you. That little boy of yours…"
He stopped, fighting the urge to fall to his knees and sob. "If Noah had lost his mother, that would've been on me. So I know you can take care of yourself and your son, and I know I'm being selfish, but for tonight, can you please just let me help? Please?"
Olivia smiled up at him. "Ok. Thank you."
Once she was settled into bed, Olivia snuggled up to her son and pretended to drift off to sleep, hoping it would encourage Nick to return to his place on the couch. While her partner's presence calmed her nerves a little, she swore she could almost hear the voice of William Lewis in her ear, taunting her, threatening her, promising to do a whole host of unimaginable things to her.
How would she get through this night?
She pulled the covers up further and tucked them under her chin, burrowing herself deeper into the bed in hopes she could convince herself that she was safe and her nightmare was over.
When Olivia closed her eyes again, she couldn't help her thoughts from drifting to Elliot. There was no guarantee that the outcome of the last four days would've been any different, but a big part of her wondered if Lewis would've been able to get away with any of this if Elliot had been around.
If Lewis had managed to abduct her, there was no doubt in her mind that Elliot would've taken whatever measures necessary to get her back, and if he'd come face to face with Lewis, Elliot would've made sure that Lewis didn't leave that beach house alive.
The thought of being protected by Elliot helped settle Olivia enough for her to finally drift off to sleep, dreaming of a much different ending to the Lewis saga.
[][][][][][][][][][]
April 16, 2015
"Hank," Olivia said, surprised to see the Chicago Intelligence sergeant at her door. She knew the trial involving the killer of his unit member Nadia hit him very hard, and he'd disappeared after both squads met for drinks. She hadn't expected him to show up at her place, and she could see the stress and turmoil in his eyes.
"Come in," she said, stepping aside. Once she closed the door, Olivia found herself gently pressed up against it with Hank's hands on her hips. His forehead quickly found hers, and she felt him immediately relax, as if her presence alone lightened his burden.
Olivia gently ran her hands soothingly up and down Hank's back, understanding all of the emotions he was feeling over the loss of Nadia and the conviction of her killer. "It's over, Hank. Yates is going to spend the rest of his life in prison."
Hank shook his head as he whispered, "It doesn't bring Nadia back. She was a good kid, Olivia."
"I know," Olivia said, slipping her arms around Hank's neck. "But you got justice for her. It won't bring her back, but it should help you and Erin move on."
"I miss you Liv," Hank said, just before pressing his lips against hers.
Olivia felt herself melt into his kiss. If she was honest with herself, she'd missed Hank too.
She'd spent a night with him in Chicago after a different case, and she'd been so surprised at the gentleness of the gruff man. The chemistry between them was undeniable, and she closed her eyes for a few moments, enjoying how his hands and lips felt against her skin.
But she couldn't do this with him, not now, not with the latest developments in her personal life. Against all odds, she'd agreed to a drink with Ed Tucker a few weeks ago, and they'd spent a little bit of time together since then, just casual dinners or drinks for now. Olivia wasn't sure that whatever was happening between her and Tucker was going anywhere, but with Hank permanently in Chicago, Olivia knew she couldn't ruin anything that might be starting here in New York.
As Hank's mouth moved down her neck toward her cleavage, Olivia knew she had to put on the brakes before it could go any farther.
"Hank, we have to stop," she said softly, threading her fingers through his hair.
"Why?" he asked, resting his forehead against her chest as his fingers slipped just under the hem of her nightshirt. Olivia shivered at his touch and almost gave in, but she knew she had to stop before things went too far.
"I…I'm kinda seeing someone right now," Olivia hesitantly said.
Hank immediately pulled back, surprised to hear that there was a man in her life, one she hadn't mentioned during their monthly phone calls.
"Really?" he asked, his hands pulling away from her skin and settling on her waist on the outside of her shirt.
Olivia nodded. "Yeah. It's new, and different, and I'm not at all sure where it's going, but I don't want to jeopardize anything, especially because you're in Chicago."
Hank pressed a kiss against her forehead. "I'm sorry, Olivia. I shouldn't have just barged in here like this. I shouldn't have assumed anything."
Olivia's hands rose to cradle his face. "Don't apologize. If Ed wasn't in the picture, I would've wanted this, Hank. Really."
Hank released her, stepping away and turning his back to her, and Olivia could tell he was beating himself up. She gently placed her hands on his shoulders, hoping he understood that her feelings for him were still present, even though she couldn't act on them.
"You can stay tonight here, Hank," Olivia offered. "I understand how hard these personal cases can be, so if you don't want to be alone, you can stay with me."
Hank finally turned back around. "Thank you, Olivia."
She took his hand, pulling him toward her bedroom. As Hank stripped down to his t-shirt and underwear, she tossed a pair of sweatpants to him.
"Really?" he asked.
Olivia smirked at him. "Really. Not sure I can keep my hands to myself otherwise."
Hank chuckled as he slipped the pants on and climbed into bed next to her. Olivia scooted closer, resting her head on his chest, knowing he needed the closeness of her, and she was willing to give him what he needed, within reason.
"Thanks for letting me be here, Benson," Hank said, pressing a gentle kiss against her head.
"You're welcome," Olivia whispered, slipping her arm around his waist. "Get some sleep, Hank."
A couple of hours later, Olivia woke to the whispery voice of her three-year-old who was standing beside her bed. "Mommy! Mommy!"
"Noah? What are you doing up, my love?" she asked, untangling herself from Hank's embrace and scooping up her boy.
Noah tucked his head against her neck as he held on tight to her. "Bad dream."
Hank woke with all of the commotion, and when he noticed they weren't alone, he looked up at Olivia with fear in his eyes, afraid she'd be upset that her son found him in her bed.
"Who is that, Mommy?" Noah asked, pointing at Hank.
Olivia put her hand on Hank's arm as he sat up next to her. "Noah, this is Mommy's friend Hank. He's a sergeant like me."
"Really?" Noah asked.
"Really," Olivia answered. "He had a sad day, so he came to have a sleepover with Mommy."
Hank cautiously held out his hand to Noah. "Nice to meet you, Noah Benson," he said, chuckling when Noah shook his hand.
Noah looked back up at his mother. "I sleep in here, Mommy?"
"Of course you can, sweet boy," Olivia said, kissing her son's head as she snuggled him close.
Hank's hand rested against her back. "Olivia, do you want me to go?"
She shook her head. "No. We're good right here."
Olivia scooted closer to Hank and settled Noah on the other side of her and minutes later, both of her boys were asleep.
She smiled into Noah's hair as she felt Hank's arm circle her waist again. Although there was never a chance of a future with him, a part of her would probably always love Hank and wonder what could have been if the distance wasn't an issue. She'd never allowed another man in her bed with her son, but she trusted Hank implicitly, like no one since Elliot, and she knew she and her son were both safe in his embrace.
Olivia looked over her shoulder, pressing a soft kiss to Hank's forehead before leaning down to kiss Noah's head too. Then, she drifted off into the best sleep she'd had in years.
[][][][][][][][][][]
January 15, 2017
Olivia sat next to Noah on his bed, rubbing his back as he drifted off to sleep. She allowed a few tears to fall before quickly brushing them away.
The break-up with Ed Tucker was the right decision, and deep down, she'd known since the first drink she had with him that forever wasn't a possibility for them.
To her surprise, Ed had been good to her. After years of trying to take her job, once Elliot was out of the picture, Tucker's attitude toward her had started to change, and she found herself enjoying his company for the first time since she'd met him.
Elliot.
A part of her wondered if Ed could be responsible for Elliot's decision to retire. The men hated each other, and it seemed that Ed got a thrill out of finding opportunities to anger Elliot, enjoying watching Olivia's partner lose his cool. It had been infuriating, but it seemed Ed knew exactly what buttons to push to set Elliot off.
After she was sure Noah was asleep, Olivia closed his door and made her way to her closet, pulling out a picture of her and Elliot, one she reached for on the days that the missing him threatened to overwhelm her.
As her fingers traced Elliot's face, Olivia shook her head as she choked down a tearful laugh, imagining Elliot's reaction if he ever found out that Ed Tucker had been spending time with his son, that Ed Tucker met his son before he did, that Ed Tucker might have even loved his son and his son's mother.
Elliot disliked any man that Olivia dated, and she was sure that he'd be upset about the men she'd allowed in their son's life, but Tucker would be the one to hurt him the most.
But it was over now.
Olivia wasn't ready to retire, and she didn't appreciate the pressure she felt from Tucker to give up her life's work. While she'd enjoy spending more time with her son, she didn't feel her time in SVU was finished yet. Besides, she didn't love Tucker, and as much as she'd tried to force herself into loving him, hoping she'd found the person to help her give Noah the family he deserved, he wasn't the right man for her, for them.
Someday, Olivia hoped, she'd find the right person to spend the rest of her life with, to be a father to Noah. Until then, she'd enjoy the special bond between her and her son and continue dreaming of the day she'd finally introduce him to the man responsible for his existence, the only man she'd ever truly loved.
[][][][][][][][][][]
January 13, 2020
"Mom, why don't I have a dad?" Noah asked, as he and Olivia sat at their dinner table.
Olivia almost choked on her food, looking over at her eight year old. "Noah, where did this come from?"
He sighed. "All of the other kids at school were talking about their dads today. Not everyone had a dad living in their house, but I was the only one that didn't have a dad at all. Why don't I have one?"
Olivia was a little surprised the topic of fathers had never come up before, and she'd hoped that because she'd worked hard to ensure that her son had strong male figures in his life, he might not feel the absence of his missing parent quite so much.
"Noah, sweetie, you do have a dad, but he's not involved in our lives," she said gently.
"Why not?" Noah's quiet voice asked. "Didn't he want me?"
Olivia knelt down in front of her son, her heart breaking at his questions. She knew she'd need to have the conversation with him someday, but she hadn't been prepared for it to happen today.
"Oh Noah," she said, her hand reaching up to cradle his face. "Let's finish our dinner, and then we'll talk, and I'll tell you everything about him."
When dinner was finished, Olivia went to her bedroom, digging out an old picture of her and Elliot. Running her fingers along his face, her heart ached from how badly she missed him. She knew he'd be so proud of Noah.
For eight years now she'd tried to force Elliot's face out of her mind. But looking into her son's blue eyes, the color identical to his father's, she never failed to see Elliot when she looked at her boy.
Olivia carried the picture out into the living room and sat on the couch next to Noah, and he immediately snuggled up against her side.
"Ok, before I tell you about him, we have to agree that the things we talk about today are private. I need you to understand that it's very important that you keep the things we talk about today to yourself."
He looked up at her, a confused expression on her face. "Why? Why is my dad a secret?"
Olivia brushed her hand over her face as she considered how to answer Noah's question. She wasn't ashamed that Elliot has her son's father, but she'd kept his identity to herself for so long, and she wasn't prepared for the conversations and questions it was sure to bring up should her friends and squad find out Noah's true paternity.
"Noah, it's…complicated. There are more details that I will give you when you're old enough to understand, but it's very important that you don't tell anyone what I'm about to tell you. I have only told Grandpa Don these things, and no one else needs to know."
"Can I talk to Grandpa Don about it?"
Olivia was relieved that conversations with his grandfather-figure might be enough to satisfy him. "If you decide that you need to talk to him about it, you can. But he's the only one. Do you understand?"
Noah nodded. "Yeah. I understand."
"Ok." Olivia turned the picture over and placed it in Noah's lap as she began. "Noah, this is Elliot Stabler, and he's your father."
Noah's eyes widened as they took in the photo of his parents, his first glimpse of his father. Under his breath, he quietly asked, "So I really have one?"
"You do," Olivia answered, fighting back her own tears. "Elliot was my partner at work. I worked with him a long time ago, even before Uncle Fin. We were partners for twelve years."
"Twelve years?" Noah gasped. "That's a long time!"
A small smile crossed her face. "It was, sweetie. Nine years ago, I found out that Elliot and I were going to have you. Before I could tell Elliot that I was pregnant with you, something happened at work, and he had to quit. I tried to call him so that I could tell him about you, but he moved away, and I have no idea where he went or how to contact him. So, that's why it's just you and me."
Olivia watched as Noah traced Elliot's face with his finger. "So he doesn't know about me?"
She squeezed her son a little tighter. "He doesn't. I'm so sorry Noah."
Noah stared at the picture for a few more minutes before Olivia noticed the tears rolling down his face, and her heart shattered.
"Oh baby, please don't cry," she whispered.
Through his sobs, Noah asked, "Do you think…if he knew about me…do you think he would've wanted me?"
Olivia couldn't help the tears that flooded from her eyes as she scooped her son up in her arms and cradled him against her.
"Of course he would, Noah. Elliot was a really good father, and I know he would've been so happy to have you as his son. He would've loved you so much."
Noah tightened his arms around his mother's neck as he cried harder into her shoulder. "I miss him, Mom. I know I don't know him, but I miss him."
Olivia rocked back and forth, attempting to comfort both of them as her tears fell into his hair. "I know, sweet boy. I miss him too."
After a few minutes, Noah finally calmed, and he released his grip on Olivia, leaning against her as he wiped at the few tears still rolling down his face. "Do you think I'll ever get to meet Elliot?"
Olivia shrugged. "I don't know. I would love for that to happen someday, but I don't know where he is. If I ever find him, if you want to meet him, I'll try to make it happen."
Noah snuggled into her, still not ready to leave his mother's embrace. "Thanks Mom. I hope I get to meet him someday."
Olivia kissed the top of her son's head, tangling her fingers in his curls. "Me too, Noah. Me too."
[][][][][][][][][][]
March 14, 2021
Olivia nervously sipped her coffee, her eyes cutting to her former partner sitting across from her in his hotel room. Needing a break from the police investigation and burial arrangements, Elliot had called and asked her to meet him. She wasn't sure she wanted to see him, but she couldn't deny his request, not while he was in the midst of such intense grief.
His wife had succumbed to her injuries only a few days prior, and the brokenness of the man in front of her made Olivia want to obliterate their boundaries, pull him into her arms, and hold him until his pain went away. It was devastating to see the turmoil swirling around in Elliot's beautiful blue eyes, and even though the feelings of hurt and abandonment were still there, she couldn't help herself from rushing to his side when he needed her.
Elliot had been back in her life for over a week, but it was still so surreal to be in his presence again, and Olivia couldn't keep her eyes off of him, almost afraid he'd disappear if she even blinked.
"I heard you have a son," Elliot said, pulling Olivia from her thoughts.
"What?" she asked, shocked to hear that Elliot knew of their son and afraid to hear how much detail he actually knew.
"Fin told me," Elliot answered. "I...I'm so happy for you, Liv. I know how much you wanted to be a mother, and I'm thrilled for you."
Olivia released a breath, feeling a little bit relieved that it appeared that Elliot had very little details about their boy. "Yeah, he's…he's perfect."
"Can I see a picture of him?" Elliot asked hesitantly.
Olivia was hit with a wave of nausea. While Noah looked very much like her when he was a baby, as he grew older, he looked more and more like his father. She wasn't prepared to have a conversation with Elliot about their son just yet. But now that he was asking about him, how could she tell him no?
Pulling out her phone, Olivia scrolled through her camera roll and selected a picture of the two of them together. Her thumb briefly traced her son's face before she handed over her phone.
"Elliot, this is Noah."
Tears pooled in her eyes at the smile that crossed Elliot's face when he laid eyes on their child for the first time, a moment she'd both wished for and feared for so long.
"Wow, Liv, he's beautiful," Elliot said breathlessly, and Olivia knew the moment was overwhelming to him as well, even not knowing her son's paternity.
Before she'd gotten pregnant with Noah, she had hoped that whenever she became a mother, Elliot would somehow play a major role in her child's life, and she knew he'd wanted that as well. She could almost feel the grief he was feeling over missing so much, and she knew the grief would greatly intensify when he found out his connection to her child.
Elliot continued studying the picture, finally asking the question that would force Olivia into the hardest conversation of her life.
"How old is he?"
Olivia took a deep breath. "He's nine."
After a moment, Elliot's smile faded. Olivia could see him calculating in his head, and when he realized what was happening, he slowly lifted his head to look at her. She could no longer hold back her tears.
He knew.
"Liv," he choked out, his voice shaking as he was overcome with emotion.
Olivia looked away, unable to face him as her tears came harder.
Elliot reached for her, his hand cradling her cheek as he turned her face to force her to look at him.
"Olivia," he whispered. "Is he…am I…his father?"
There was no more hiding the truth. Elliot needed to know that he and Olivia Benson shared a son.
It was time.