Author's Note: Y'all, I'm SO sorry for such a long delay in getting this chapter out! February and March were rough months for me, but I'm feeling better, and my writer's block is finally starting to lift a little. I'm not thrilled with this chapter, and it's shorter than usual, but I'm ready to get it out and move on to the next!
This chapter picks up at the end of the previous chapter and briefly addresses the events of season one of Organized Crime, not necessarily in the right order and not exactly the way things happened on the show, but that's the fun of fic writing, right? :)
Thanks for all of the love!
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Elliot couldn't wipe the smile off of his face as he drove to his hotel, his temporary home. The night had been nothing short of perfect. He and Noah clicked immediately, and it was unbelievable how deeply he'd fallen in love with his son in just the short amount of time.
His son.
The last couple of weeks had been a blur; the plans to return to the city, the preparations to see Olivia for the first time in a decade, the death of his wife, and the discovery of the son he never knew about, the son he shared with Olivia.
It was a lot. There was no better phrase to adequately describe his feelings; watching the flames engulf the car and his wife, looking into Olivia's eyes after ten years, receiving the news that Kathy was dead, learning about Noah.
It was a lot.
As he walked up to the hotel, he smiled as he noticed Eli walking toward him. For a brief moment, he saw the little boy Eli had been the last time he walked the streets of the city, so young and so innocent. But Eli wasn't a little boy anymore, and although he didn't know it yet, he was no longer the youngest Stabler. While he wasn't ready for his children to know about Noah just yet, he already longed for the day he'd have all six of his children in the same room together.
The news about Noah would be hard for his older children to grasp. He anticipated anger and frustration from Eli, Maureen, and Dickie. His oldest daughter was fiercely devoted to her mother, and Eli was probably taking Kathy's death the hardest. His relationship with Dickie had long been tumultuous, and learning of his father's indiscretion would undoubtedly drive a deeper wedge between them.
But none of that would keep him from forging a bond with Noah. If he thought too long about it, his heart ached knowing he'd missed his son's entire life, that his selfishness hurt his child. But he was here now, and he'd work until his dying breath to make up for all of the time he lost.
As Eli neared the hotel entrance, Elliot noticed two masked men approaching, seemingly having their sights on Eli. He didn't know why anyone would target his son, but he refused to let anyone harm another member of his family.
"Eli! Get inside! Get inside!" Elliot yelled. Eli looked up from his phone and obeyed his father's orders, rushing into the hotel. When his son was out of sight, Elliot ran toward the men, determined to figure out who they were and why they were approaching his son. Elliot fought hard, but the men managed to overpower him, leaving his bleeding and bruised on the sidewalk.
This was bad.
Elliot somehow regained enough clarity to manage to call his sergeant, who rushed to his aid. He reluctantly allowed her to drive him to a hospital to be evaluated, and after scans, x-rays, and bandages, he returned to his hotel under the watchful eye of Sergeant Bell.
Elliot tried to get some rest, but all he could think about was how he wasn't sure he could survive another loss in his family. In the short period of time since his return to the city, two members of his family had been targeted, and it was too much. He wasn't going to let this happen again.
After a few hours of sleepless contemplation, he decided he'd beg Ayanna to put a detail on his children, and then he'd unfortunately have to have a difficult conversation with Olivia. It would break his heart, as well as the heart of his little boy, but Noah and Olivia's safety had to be the priority right now. When the threat was over, Elliot would work as hard as he could to build a relationship with Noah. For now, he'd distance himself until it was safe.
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Elliot woke with a jolt, a nightmare shaking him from the tiny bit of sleep he'd finally managed to get. Just like every other night for the past couple of weeks, his dreams forced him to relive the car bomb, only this time, Olivia and Noah were getting into the car along with Kathy.
Clutching his sore ribs, he reached for his phone to check the time. Seeing that it was late enough in the morning for a call, he dialed Olivia's number.
"Good morning," Olivia answered, and Elliot could hear the smile in her voice.
"Morning," he rasped, carefully easing himself out of bed. His body ached from last night's altercation, and he knew it was going to be a tough day, in more ways than one.
Olivia filled the silence between them with stories from her morning before driving Noah to school. "Noah has been talking non-stop about last night since he woke up. It was really special, for both of us, Elliot."
He choked back the tears threatening to come, knowing he was going to hurt his son just hours after meeting him.
"I'm glad," he replied softly. "It was really special for me too. Liv, I…need to talk to you about something, and it needs to happen this morning. Can I come by your place?"
"Sure. I'm up, so you're welcome to come over any time. Is everything ok?"
"We just…need to talk. In private."
After settling on plans for the morning, Olivia promised to have Fin cover for her at work, and Elliot began trying to find the words he knew could shatter his relationship with his son before it ever truly began.
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When Olivia's door opened, she was immediately alarmed at Elliot's condition. There was a stitched-up cut on his head, a black eye, and she could tell just by the little bit of movement he'd made that he was in pain.
"Elliot, what happened?" she asked, rushing to his side.
Elliot sighed, brushing his hand over his face. "Can we sit? Please?"
Olivia followed him to the couch, sitting beside him, and without giving it a second thought, she took his hand. "Please tell me what happened?"
He took a deep breath and filled her in on last night's altercation in front of his hotel.
When his story was finished, Olivia sat back against the couch, struggling to wrap her head around Elliot's story. "Wow. That's terrifying that someone would go after Eli. You think it's the same person you think killed Kathy?"
Elliot nodded. "I do. I think he's trying to hurt me by hurting as many people connected to me as possible." He squeezed Olivia's hand as he prepared to tell her exactly what brought him to her home.
"Liv…I…think I need to take a step back from you and Noah right now."
Almost immediately he could feel the rage filling Olivia's body. She rose to her feet, shaking her head in angry disbelief at his words as she paced in front of him.
"You've got to be kidding me," she whispered to herself, but loud enough for Elliot to hear her. "I knew this was a mistake."
Elliot tried to rush to her side, but his injuries forced him to move slowly. When he was able, he stepped in front of her to stop her pacing. "It wasn't a mistake. I had no idea something like this could happen. But I won't let this…this vendetta or whatever it is take anyone else away from me."
"So you're just going to walk away from us instead? Again?" she fired back. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised."
Elliot shook his head. "You gotta know this isn't easy for me, Liv."
Olivia shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know, Elliot. Past history would say otherwise."
He winced at her words, knowing and hating how right she really was. He bravely stepped forward and took her face in his hands. The hurt in her eyes broke his heart, but he hoped she could feel his sincerity as he tried to explain.
"I have to put aside my own feelings right now and do what's best, for Noah and for you. I can't risk these people finding out about you two." His voice caught in his throat as he fought a losing battle against his tears. "If something happened, if they came after you or Noah…I couldn't live with it," he said, his voice trailing off as tears rolled down his face.
Olivia stared into his eyes for awhile, trying to reconcile her feelings with the true intention behind Elliot's actions. As much as it made her ache, deep down, she knew he was right. It was harder now that she'd allowed Elliot into her home, into her son's life, but Noah's safety was the most important thing. She just hoped that Noah would understand why Elliot couldn't be around for awhile.
Finally, she gave a small nod, acknowledging that Elliot's decision probably was for the best. She didn't like it, but it was probably what was best for everyone.
"Ok," she whispered.
"I'm sorry Olivia," Elliot whispered back. "I promise that as soon as everything is safe, I'll come see him. Would it help if I came by and told Noah myself?"
"No," Olivia said, waving him off. "I think it'll just make it harder. I'll talk to him and help him understand. You just…take care of yourself, ok?"
Elliot nodded. "I'll be careful. I'll be in touch."
"You better," Olivia said softly, fighting back her own tears.
Elliot gave a small smile before letting himself out of her home.
When he was gone, Olivia returned to the couch, curling up with a pillow as she melted into the cushions. After the incredible night she and Noah had with Elliot, she'd had the best night's sleep in years, feeling as though a weight had lifted from her shoulders. Now, the weight came crashing back down, and in addition to worrying about her son's feelings, she also had to worry about Elliot's safety. Again.
Reluctantly, Olivia prepared herself to go to the office, hoping work would distract her from the inevitably complicated conversation she'd have with her son tonight.
A part of her really wished she'd waited longer, given Elliot more time to deal with his other problems before bringing him into Noah's life. It wouldn't have been fair to make Elliot wait, but she could already see the look of disappointment on her son's face when she had to tell him that his father was slipping out of his life again.
Olivia made her way to the precinct, and with just a quick greeting to her squad, she was safely behind closed doors, where she hoped she could spend the rest of her day distracting herself. Moments later, Olivia was joined by an unusually interested Fin.
"What did he do now?"
Olivia shrugged as she sat down in her desk chair. Of course Fin, of all people, would be able to read her mood the moment she walked in the building, and of course he'd credit her bad mood to some action from Elliot.
"He walked away, for now. Kathy's case is getting out of hand, and he wants to make sure Noah and I are safe, so he's taking a step back."
"But he just met Noah last night. How could he be stepping back already?" Fin pressed.
"I know, and that's what's making it hard. Eli was targeted last night. He's fine, but Elliot is worried if someone finds out about Noah, that could put a target on our backs."
"You need a detail, Liv?" Fin cautiously asked. "Might be better than waiting around to see what Stabler is going to do."
Olivia held up her hand, stopping him. "Definitely not. We'll be fine, Fin. It's just…disappointing."
Fin took one of the seats across from Olivia's desk as he asked for a little more detail about their evening. "Last night went well?"
Tears filled Olivia's eyes as she looked up at her friend. "Better than I could've hoped."
"I'm sorry, Liv," Fin sighed. "Want me to talk to him? See if there's more going on?"
She covered her face with her hand for a moment. "No, just leave it alone. He explained, and all I can do now is take him at his word. But thank you, Fin."
Fin stood, and in an unusual display of affection, he put his hand on Olivia's shoulder, squeezing it just a little.
"I got your back, Liv. Always, and don't you ever forget it."
With a smile, Fin left the office, allowing Olivia the privacy and solitude she wanted.
Olivia knew Fin was right, that he'd always have her back, and she appreciated his friendship and loyalty more than anything. If she wanted him to have words with Elliot, there would be nothing stopping him from granting her request. But now wasn't the time. Now, she needed to focus on getting through this day and helping her son through the disappointment that was to come.
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As Olivia heard the key in the door, Olivia realized that she'd made a big mistake. What was she doing here?
It had been several weeks since the morning in her apartment, when Elliot told her he was stepping back. Noah's heart had broken when he heard he wouldn't see Elliot again for awhile, and a part of Olivia wished he'd never come back, if only to spare her son the pain he was feeling.
Olivia used her department connections and friendship with Elliot's sergeant to keep up with their investigation into Richard Wheatley, the man Elliot was convinced was responsible for Kathy's murder. His desperate quest for justice had consumed him, and Sergeant Bell shared with Olivia that she was really beginning to worry about him.
Now, Olivia was awaiting his arrival at his hotel, along with his five older children. Kathleen had contacted her earlier in the week, asking to meet, and then begging her to help the rest of the kids hold an intervention. They were all witnessing their father spinning out of control, and they were fearful of what could happen to him if they didn't do something.
Olivia wasn't sure the intervention could've gone any worse. After blurting out that he loved her and that his family was pulling him under, he'd rushed out of the room. After all five of the kids looked at her, their eyes begging for help, she'd quickly followed behind him, hoping to reach him before he could disappear into the night.
She managed to catch up to him just as he was getting into the elevator. Catching the door before it closed, she stood beside him, silent as they rode down to the main lobby.
When the door opened, Olivia followed him into the lobby, standing beside him as he collapsed into a chair, cradling his head in his hands. Finally, he spoke.
"What are you doing here, Liv? You, of all people? How could you be a part of this?"
She sat down in the chair next to him. "The kids asked me to be here, Elliot. I couldn't tell them no. They're worried about you. We're all worried about you, and we hoped maybe you'd take it seriously if I was here."
Elliot sighed, and Olivia could feel his annoyance. "I…appreciate your concern, but you're supposed to be taking care of Noah, not worrying about me."
"But I do worry about you." She pulled his hands away from his face, forcing his eyes to meet hers. "Noah just got you back. It would devastate him if something happened to you, especially since he's only seen you the one time."
Elliot shook his head. "It's too dangerous, Liv. If something happened to you or Noah, I couldn't live with it. If someone hurt you…you're all Noah has. I'd be here for him of course, but he needs you, and I need both of you safe."
"And we need you safe," Olivia said, reaching for one of his hands and cradling it between hers. "All six of your children need you to be safe. If you keep going the way you're going, those kids are going to be putting you in the ground too, and I don't know that those five upstairs will make it through losing another parent." She bit her lip as she fought back tears. "And Noah and I just got you back, and it would devastate us to lose you too."
Elliot reached for her, and she tried to resist at first, but quickly gave in and let herself be held. Elliot's body shook with sobs against her, and that, combined with his declaration a few minutes earlier made her sink into his embrace.
"Please be careful, El."
He nodded where his head rested against her shoulder. "I'll be careful. I promise."
Finally, Olivia pulled back, wiping at both of their tears. "Go back upstairs. Be with your kids. Get some sleep, and take care of yourself."
Elliot nodded again. "Thanks for being here, Liv, for me and for the kids. It means a lot, especially with the way our last conversation ended."
Olivia forced a smile, feeling hopeful that maybe he heard her, that maybe he'd slow things down. "We'll be here, me and Noah. Take care of what you need to take care of, and hopefully we'll see you soon."
Elliot squeezed her hand, and she watched him until he disappeared into the elevator, back to his kids.
As Olivia drove home, she couldn't stop the flashbacks from his outburst during the intervention.
"Elliot, tell us what you need."
"I love you."
She couldn't believe he'd said the words out loud, but she refused to believe he knew what he was saying. It was just his grief, his PTSD, his emotional state; she was sure of it. There was no way he meant what he said, but somehow she knew his words would be echoing in her mind for quite some time.
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Elliot wished that he could say that he listened to Olivia and his children's pleas, but he was aware that with each passing day, his behavior was more and more erratic. He was thankful for his squad that worked so hard to keep him focused on the goal, but after the events of today, he was hopeful the need for revenge that had consumed him over the last couple of months would finally be extinguished.
He was glad he wasn't the one to fire the weapon. While he wouldn't wish the inevitable IAB investigation on anyone, especially his new sergeant, he wasn't sure his career would survive another one.
Richard Wheatley was dead.
Elliot's unit had pulled in a CI and put him under cover, and a meeting with Wheatley and his crew ended in a shoot-out in a subway station. When Wheatley pulled a gun on Elliot, Sergeant Bell had fired a fatal shot, ending the weeks-long manhunt and allowing the Stabler family the chance to finally breathe again. Although nothing would bring Kathy back to their family, and although Elliot would've loved to see Wheatley rot behind bars for the next fifty years, he and his kids could finally feel a little bit of justice for their overwhelming loss. It had only been a couple of hours, but he already felt lighter; the weight had lifted, and it was time, finally, to move forward.
When he had a few free moments, he sent Olivia a quick text, letting her know that Wheatley was dead and the nightmare was finally over. He couldn't wait to see her, to talk with her about next steps with Noah, anxious to see his youngest son.
He also planned to spend some time with his older children, finally sharing with them the news that he'd been carrying with him for weeks, news about the youngest Stabler child.
Their brother.
It was time.
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Elliot looked around the room at his children, feeling as though he could breathe again for the first time in awhile. Now that Richard Wheatley was dead, and the threat to his family was finally over, he felt a little bit of peace for the first time since returning to New York City, but there was still a glaring absence in the room. While his marriage to Kathy was all but over the last few years, he did miss her, and he knew his kids did too.
There was also another absence, this time one that could be easily filled, and he felt the time was right to tell his children the truth, that there was a missing piece to the Stabler puzzle.
Noah.
With the investigation and interviews and IAB nonsense over the last few days, Elliot hadn't had an opportunity to go see Noah yet. He ached to see his little boy, and he couldn't wait to be reunited with him. He just hoped his big kids would be as excited as he was about their family's new addition.
"There's something I need to tell you," Elliot said, interrupting the kids' chatter. When all eyes were on him, he continued.
"I know you're going to have questions, and you're probably going to be a little upset, and honestly, you have the right to be. But you need to know that any anger that you have needs to be directed at me. Do you understand?"
"Dad, what's going on?" Maureen asked, quickly looking at her siblings to see if they shared her nervousness. "You're scaring me."
Elliot took a deep breath, brushing his hand over his face before continuing.
"Olivia, she…she has a son. I don't know if any of you know that, but she does. His name is Noah, and he's nine years old, and he's…amazing. Liv let me meet him for the first time a few weeks ago." He could tell he was confusing his children, and his heart began beating faster as he prepared to drop the bomb.
"Dad, why are you telling us about Olivia's kid?" Eli asked.
Elliot looked up, and the glistening tears in his eyes began to give him away.
Maureen was the first to speak. "No!"
"Maureen."
"No!" she shouted, and Elliot could tell her heart was breaking. "No, that can't be true!"
"Dad, are you kidding?" Dickie angrily asked.
"What? I don't understand?" Liz asked, looking back and forth between her father and her twin.
A tearful Kathleen put her hand on his shoulder, and he could tell she was waiting for the words to come out of his mouth, but she knew what they would be.
He covered Kathleen's hand with his and softly said, "I just found out, just since I've been back, that Noah is my son."
Elliot watched as his children crumbled around him until the sight became too painful, causing him to close his eyes. He went into the conversation knowing his news would hurt them, but his heart ached more than he anticipated. He felt so conflicted; angry for hurting his children, but so happy for the newest addition to his family.
Wiping her tears, Kathleen asked, "How did this happen? When? Why?"
Elliot shook his head. "You don't need all of the details, but it was a difficult case, our ADA was murdered, died in Liv's arms. I went to Liv's place to make sure she was ok, and one thing led to another. It was me, all me. I initiated everything."
"But why?" Eli asked. "Why would you cheat on Mom?"
Elliot reached for his son, sitting next to him, and took his hand. This was so much for Eli to go through in such a short time, especially at his age. Eli had very few memories from New York, almost no memories of Olivia, and Elliot could only imagine the confusion and betrayal he was feeling.
"Eli, your mom and I...we weren't in a good place. I hate admitting this to all of you, but I had feelings for Liv for a very long time."
"I asked her, Dad," Dickie interrupted, his eyes full of fury. "I know you were watching outside the interrogation room, back when Shane died. I asked if you two had slept together, and she said no."
"We hadn't," Elliot insisted. "It only happened the one night. That was about three months before I left SVU, six months before I officially retired. Liv...she found out she was pregnant, but she was struggling with everything, with knowing how much this would hurt everyone, especially your mother. When I left SVU, she still hadn't told me, and I didn't answer the phone when she called. Then we moved, so there was no way for anyone to contact us. So that's it. That's the story."
The kids sat in silence for a few minutes, still processing this life-changing news.
Finally, Liz broke the silence. "Dad, what's he like?"
A few tears finally made their way down Elliot's face. "Liz, he's perfect. He looks like Liv, but he has beautiful blue eyes like all of you. He has a head full of brown curls, and he's sweet and polite and funny and just...perfect."
"Do we get to meet him?"
"Why would we do that?" Dickie asked his sister. "He's not one of us."
"Yes he is," Kathleen interjected. "He's a Stabler, just like all of us, and we should get to be a part of his life. That is, if Olivia will allow it."
"Liv and I would both like for all of you to get to meet him, and we'd like you to be as involved in his life as much as you want to be. I'm...I'm going to be spending as much time as I can with him. I've missed so much, and I want to be a real father to him."
Risking further upsetting her siblings, Liz cautiously asked, "Are you and Olivia...together?"
"No, we're not," Elliot answered quickly. "It's way too soon for me to be thinking about moving on with anyone."
"But you have feelings for her," Maureen pressed. "I mean, you told her at the intervention that you love her. So at some point, we can expect you two to make this all official, right?"
Elliot sighed. He'd hoped questions about his feelings for Olivia wouldn't be a part of this particular conversation. Despite the ten years apart, Olivia had never been far from his mind, and although he'd imagined what a life with her could look like, since he was committed to his marriage, he never thought he and Olivia would ever get the chance to be more than friends.
"Obviously I had feelings for Liv back then, and a lot of those feelings came back when I saw her again, but as far as moving on, having...anything with her...it's entirely too soon for me to think about it. I don't know how Olivia even feels about me, so for now, I'm going to be spending time with my son."
"I want to meet him, Dad," Liz said, moving to sit between him and Eli. "Please. Tell Olivia when she's ready, I really want to meet him."
"Thank you Liz," Elliot said as she hugged him, kissing her on top of her head.
Elliot let the silence settle in the room for a little while. All of the kids were deep in thought, each processing different emotions. He knew he'd hurt them, and he knew it probably hurt worse in the midst of the grief they were already walking through. A private conversation with each of them would be necessary over the next few days, after they'd all had some time.
Finally, he quietly broke the silence. "Noah's a great kid, and he's innocent in all of this. I don't want him to be hurt by the decisions that his mother and I made. I really don't want your anger directed at Liv either, because I was the initiator of all of this. But Noah…he deserves to be treated with respect and kindness, regardless of how you feel about the circumstances."
"Dad, I think I can speak for all of us when I say this is a huge shock to all of us," Kathleen said. "But we'll make sure Noah doesn't feel anything but love and inclusion, from all of us." She looked around the room as she spoke, directing her words at her siblings as much as her father.
Liz echoed her sister's thoughts. "He'll be a part of this family, Dad, however much Olivia will allow it, and we'll make sure he feels included."
"Thank you," Elliot said.
One by one, the kids left, until it was just him and Eli, who asked to be left alone in the bedroom. Elliot agreed, informing him that he was going to slip out for a little while, giving him the whole hotel room to himself.
Now that he'd shared the secret with his children, that everyone knew, he needed to see Noah and Olivia. He missed them both, and he was ready to be a part of their lives, permanently.
He'd never leave them again.