A/N: Welcome back to another chapter. I actually used a moon chart to help with the end of the chapter so yeah. I was traumatized the night before I started writing this chapter so the tone should be fitting. Recap: James had to go fight in a battle while Lily stayed home with Harry. That was October 31, 1981.

Tw: Survivor's guilt, decapitation, major trust issues

James groaned.

He was in a rented room at the pub. It was two days after Halloween. He would have to stay for much longer. Repairs were still being done to the house, which had a pretty much demolished nursery.

Lily's funeral wasn't for another week. Barely anyone had accepted the invitation. So far it was just Remus, Sirius, Dumbledore, Kingsley, and most surprisingly of all, Petunia Dursely.

He wondered what he was doing in the pub and then it all crashed over him like a wave. Lily died because he wasn't there to protect her. It was no coincidence that Lily died on the one night James was gone.

He got up and got out a coffee filter. After everything else was set up, he turned on the coffee pot. James started mixing the milk powder with water and shook the bottle.

Baby Harry drank from it faster than James expected.

He was pouring coffee into a mug when he heard a few small taps on his window. He looked over his shoulder and realized it wasn't just a random bird. An owl with a rolled-up piece of parchment was perched on the outer windowsill.

James rushed over and undid the locks. He practically threw the window open. The owl flew inside and landed on the counter right next to his mug of coffee.

He untied the letter and opened it.

James,

Number 12 Grimmauld Place. Come immediately.

Sirius

James threw on his blue coat and roughly shoved the parchment into his coat pocket after reading it. He grabbed his wand and gripped it tight. James couldn't apparate in the room, it was too loud. He had to do it outside.

James was about to throw open the door when he remembered he was missing something. He put baby Harry in the new stroller and made his way out of the room, into the long hallway connecting all the separate rooms. James made towards the elevator, where he saw an old lady ride down from an upper level.

"Hi," He said out of politeness as he awkwardly got on the elevator.

"Hello," She responded, "Is the mother back in the room?"

James froze.

"You alright, deer?" She asked out of concern.

(Haha I'm so funny)

"Wha- yeah I'm fine," He shook his head.

They stood in silence until the elevator reached the ground floor where they both got off. James pushed the stroller a few blocks until he was in a place with no people besides him and Harry.

He picked Harry up and held the baby in one hand and used the other to hold and lift the stroller. James disapparated from the empty street. The odd familiar sensation of apparating squeezed him.

He stood in the middle of a street lined with townhouses. It was creepy and comforting at the same time. James looked over his shoulder. On the sidewalk, a little boy was staring at him with a wide smile on his face. He turned around completely, his whole body facing the boy.

"Don't worry, your secret is safe with me, Mister Witch," The little boy kicked a soccer ball and ran after it before James could respond.

"What the…" James trailed off.

There was no point in chasing after the boy to confund and obliviate him. James would have to trust that this boy would keep the statue of secrecy.

He turned back around and faced eleven & thirteen. Number twelve was missing. James put the stroller down and put the baby back in. With both hands free, he reached into his pocket and withdrew the letter from Sirius.

James read the letter over and over, trying to comprehend. When he looked up, he saw it.

"Number twelve Grimmauld place," He murmured under his breath.

James pushed the stroller as he walked up to the front door of number twelve. He was about to knock when Sirius opened the door. Without thinking, James threw his arms around Sirius. He almost started crying, seeing Sirius.

"James…" Sirius hugged him back, "Don't you worry, we'll find Pettigrew. For now, come in."

They slowly let each other go, as though for the last time.

James turned around and picked Harry up out of the stroller. He held the baby with one hand and levitated the stroller through the front door and set it down, folded up against the wall.

They stood in a dim hallway. Chopped-off house elf heads adorned the walls. Paintings of a few famous wizards and witches along with others looked down upon James and Sirius judgementally.

It made him sick.

"Sirius," James was shivering from the cold and creepiness of the place, "Where are we?"

James watched as Sirius took a few deep breaths.

"Home," Sirius finally said.

"You don't mean-" James was cut off.

"Yep that's the one," Sirius changed the topic, "They're not going to wait much longer."

"They?" James followed Sirius into a room.

The room was no brighter than the hallway, but at least it didn't have decapitated house elf heads. James guessed it was a dining room because of the large table in the middle, which had order members surrounding it. Opposite to where James and Sirius were standing, all the way across the room and at the head of the table, was Albus Dumbledore.

"Oh."

"C'mon," Sirius led James to two empty seats right next to each other.

James was sitting down when he noticed something unusual. Everyone was looking at them, but it wasn't James or Sirius they were looking at. All the order members, including Dumbledore, were staring at Harry.

"Ah, James, I see you've brought Harry," Dumbledore said warmly, "May I?"

James was beyond confused, Dumbledore was acting like James had just brought in a dark and powerful object they just obtained, not his one-year-old boy. If Dumbledore thought he could take Harry, he was wrong. Dumbledore had never done something like this before, not with Nymphadora, Bill, or any of the other children of order members.

(Yes I know Molly wasn't part of the og order, it's headcanon that Arthur was tho).

"What?" James held Harry closer to his chest, away from Dumbledore. His confusion and how protective he was over the boy showed through his voice.

"The baby," Dumbledore's voice lost a bit of its warmth, causing some order members to shift in their seats, "Have you been reading the prophet?"

"The pro- what? What does the Daily Prophet have anything to do with Harry?" James was angry.

He couldn't lose Harry too.

Whatever spell or potion he wanted to use on the boy, we're wasted. Dumbledore understood sacrifice all too well, and that terrified James. The old man didn't fear death and certainly didn't care if he threw others into the hands of death if it meant he got his way.

"This boy," Dumbledore gestured towards Harry, "Is the only boy to ever survive the killing curse. James, your son defeated Lord Voldemort."

Nobody gasped or even looked shocked. It dawned on James that they all knew. They all knew Harry was the only person to survive the killing curse. None of these people (except Sirius) gave a damn about Lily. The war was over and Voldemort was dead.

These people were happy about what happened in October. They were happy that Lily Potter gave her life and helped end the war. Nobody grieved with him. The only reason they brought James was that they knew nobody else could watch Harry because they were either already going to the meeting or they were dead.

"Oh," James said through clenched teeth, "That's what this is about."

"James," Sirius was looking straight into his eyes. James caught a hint of pity, "We all grieve for Lily."

"No, you don't!" James got up and held Harry tight, as though someone would snatch his child away, "You all really couldn't care less about Lily, you're just happy that the war is over. My child isn't some savior or mascot, he turned one four months ago!"

James left the room, in a much worse mood than when he walked in.

xXxXxXx

Sirius watched as his best friend stormed out of the room. He wanted to do something, to attempt to comfort James, but knew it would be no good. Sirius remembered the happy, carefree James that made his life goal to be Lily Evan's husband. All that was down the drain.

Lily was dead and so was Jame's spirit.

"I'll go get him," Moody growled and got up from his seat.

"No!" Sirius stood up and withdrew his wand and pointed it at the other man.

Everyone's eyes were either on Sirius or Moody.

Sirius sheathed his wand.

(The upper left inside pocket you dirty-minded child)

"He needs to cool off, he lost his wife a few days ago," Sirius was no longer holding his wand but felt he could kill Moody on the spot.

They both looked to Dumbledore for support, for a final decision on whether they should go after James or not. Within seconds, everyone in the room was looking at Dumbledore, awaiting his response.

"Sirius is right," Dumbledore managed to stay calm throughout the dispute, "James Potter is grieving and needs space."

Both Sirius and Moody sat down.

"Back to what we were saying earlier," Dumbledore attempted to break the tension.

Sirius leaned forward slightly, he missed part of the conversation when he went to bring James inside. He had to catch up on what Dumbledore and the other order members were saying while he was gone.

"Lord Voldemort has already reached immortality," Dumbledore restarted.

Multiple people gasped and one person even buried their face in their palms and appeared to be crying.

Dumbledore ignored their reactions and continued.

"We will need volunteers to find his location, a small yet strong team. Now understand, this isn't a simple mission to assassinate a high-ranking death eater. This is a mission to find the location and not get caught by Voldemort. If you return knowing where he was and weren't caught, you will have information that will help the order ensure that this war really is over."

Emmeline Vance, Richard Shackbolt, Gideon Prewett, Fabian Prewett, Frank Longbottom, and Remus Lupin all raised their hands to volunteer.

Dumbledore looked around and sighed when he looked back down.

"The five of you will make a great team," Dumbledore said, "But Remus, you must stay here where you are safe. If a full moon comes and there is nowhere to keep you safe… I hope you understand."

"More like keep them safe from me," Remus said, just loud enough for Sirius to hear.

Sirius noticed Remus' newest scar. It was peaking out of his collar and running all the way the side of his neck. He supposed both Remus and Dumbledore were right in this matter.

Remus had his fists clenched. Sirius realized he was trying not to snap in front of the whole order. It was unfair, especially considering how many places there were in the wild to keep him during the full moon but Sirius knew places to put him wasn't the only reason.

Dumbledore still didn't trust Remus even if he didn't say it aloud. That much was clear to all the order members.

xXxXxXx

"The five of you will make a great team."

Five?

Remus counted six. He felt his heart drop. If Dumbledore didn't want him on this mission, he could say goodbye to all other missions. He already knew what Dumbledore was going to say before he said it. He was going to be the one who wouldn't be let into the mission.

"But Remus, you must stay here where you are safe. If a full moon comes and there is nowhere to keep you safe… I hope you understand."

He clenched his fists. This was bullshit. He wouldn't be safe anywhere. Dumbledore wasn't trying to keep him safe, if he did, Remus wouldn't have earned a new scar along his neck on the thirteenth. Maybe James had a point.

"More like keep them safe from me," Remus grunted.

This was so stupid. He felt like punching something, or well, he felt like punching a specific someone but he obviously couldn't do that. Remus was just so angry. He didn't want to stay in that room any longer. Luckily, he didn't have too.

"I suppose that is it for this meeting," Dumbledore looked around, "Vance, Shackbolt, Longbottom, Prewett's, please stay behind so I may have a quick word with you about your mission."

Remus didn't have to be told twice, while everyone else walked out the front door, he and Sirius went back upstairs. The two young adults closed the door behind them after they entered Sirius' old room.

"I thought that meeting would never end," Sirius ran his fingers through his hair, "I hate being down there."

"Well, it's over and I doubt the six downstairs can hear us all the way downstairs," Remus allowed a grin to spread across his face. All memories of not being let into the mission slipped away.

"They can't."

That fucking Sirius Black smile.

Remus didn't protest when Sirius took Remus' shirt off.