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Chapter 6

I moaned under the warm spray, soaping up and washing away the many days of grim that had built up on my skin.

When I had asked for a shower, Alberta had offered me to use hers, even offering to find me some clothes to wear so that I didn't have to remain in my stolen scrubs. I smelt like the bus and sweat and a hospital. I was honestly surprised Dimitri laid close to me as much as he had.

Alberta must have sent my mother to another part of the building, or Lissa kept her occupied because neither she nor my supposed father was in the hallway when I left. I was thankful for it; I did not want to deal with them right now.

Dimitri had assured me that I had a good relationship with both of them, though I find that hard to believe.

But then again, how could I know?

It was bizarre and honestly terrifying, realising that there was so much I didn't know. I was missing a big piece of me, of my past, but at the same time, I had no idea what it was that I was missing. It's like there was an inside joke, but I was the only one that wasn't a part of it.

Before leaving the clinic, Dr Olendzki had recommended that I go to the hospital and get some scans done to make sure there was nothing else to worry about. So, I knew that our next step was to return to Court.

It will be strange to go there. The last time I remember being there was for Victor's trial; I was just a visitor then, this time, I will be an apparent Royal Guard for the Queen.

I shook my head at the idea of Lissa being Queen. I will need to get the full story of how that happened. Things didn't turn out the way Lissa and I had planned, when we had imagined living together in a townhouse, me being her primary guardian.

At least I was still her guardian.

Turning off the water, I stepped out of the shower and started to dry myself off.

I froze when the door opened, Dimitri stepping in with a bundle of clothes in his hands. "These should fit -"

"Dimitri!" I screamed, quickly covering myself with my towel, my body flushing. "What are you doing?"

He looked at me confused, eyebrow raised.

I gestured to myself, "You can't just walk in here. I'm naked!"

"Oh. Oh," Understanding crossed his face, then he a smirk, "I have seen you naked before, Roza."

"That was one time, and this is different."

"It's been more than one time."

I didn't think I could blush more. His words made my embarrassment increase tenfold. "That… I don't remember… Just get out, comrade!"

He gave me a fond look, placing the clothes on the counter, "I'll wait out here." He told me, backing out and closing the door behind him.

I stayed rooted in the spot, my face still red, though now it wasn't just because Dimitri had walked in on me. But because I just realised what his words really meant. He had seen me naked many times, which probably meant we had had sex many times.

I wanted to slap myself for not considering that before. If we have been a couple this whole time, then, of course, we have had sex. Meaning that I have experienced that amazing feeling I felt in the cabin with Dimitri over and over and…

I had to stop thinking about it, forcing myself to take a deep breath.

I wasn't sure why the idea of being with Dimitri like that made me feel so flustered. I remember being so needy for it when he had me captive in Russia; he was using sex as a bargaining chip—trying to turn something that was so beautiful and precious to me into something dirty.

Those memories of Dimitri soured my mood.

When I had Dimitri before me, seeing that he was the man I loved, it was easy to forget the past few weeks happened. But when he was out of my sight, all of those memories returned.

The past few weeks… that had happened years ago for everyone, except for me.

I swallowed. I pushed everything down, grabbing the clothes Dimitri left for me. A soft blue t-shirt and a pair of jeans, even some underwear, I wasn't sure where they came from, and I wasn't going to ask. As soon as we get back to Court, I will find some clothes that I actually own.

When I was dressed and ready, I exited the bathroom to find Dimitri talking with Alberta and another man. He was tall and looked a couple of years older than me, with dark curly hair. One look at the red collar of his jacket, and I knew he was a Royal Guard and a colleague.

The three of them stopped talking as I approached, the Royal Guard giving me a relieved smile. I stood close to Dimitri, crossing my arms and eyeing the man back.

"You really know how to stress people out. You know that?" The man told me, eyes moving up and down my body as if he was checking for injuries. It just made me uncomfortable.

I gave him an unimpressed look, "I take it that I know you?"

"Well, I guess right now you don't, but yeah."

I stared at him expectantly, waiting for him to introduce himself.

"Nice to see that you've always had an attitude." He chuckled, making Dimitri smirk. "I'm Caleb Fischer. You and I work together as the Queen's near guards. Both of us have to suffer through her classes together."

"Nice to meet you again, Guardian Fischer," I tested out his name, hoping that I would suddenly have a memory, but I got nothing.

"You usually call me Caleb or handsome." He shot me a wink.

I shot Dimitri a look. He rested a hand on my shoulder, "Caleb was letting us know that they are ready to return to Court when you are. Lissa and Christian are downstairs with the others."

"Others?"

Caleb answered, "Guess I will have to reintroduce you to everyone again," Sighing dramatically, like it was some big hardship.

There was an ease in which he spoke to me that helped calm my nerves, but at the same time, made me uneasy. Having someone that you had no memory of speak to you with such familiarity was weird.

But there was something about him that pulled at my memory, like a flicker of something, but when I tried to focus on it, it caused my head to hurt.

Dimitri squeezed my shoulder, "Rose?"

I realised I had been staring at Caleb for a while. I stepped back, "Sure, let's go."

I moved to follow Caleb and Alberta when Dimitri halted me with a hand on my wrist, making me turn to him with raised eyebrows. "We will be there in a moment. I just need to talk to Rose." With a nod from Alberta, they both left us alone in the room.

He reached and took both of my hands in his; he was leaning against the small kitchen counter, making it easier for his eyes to meet mine. "I'm sorry for surprising you earlier, and I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

I shrugged, "I'm assuming that it's pretty common for you to just walk in when I'm showering, right?" He had a fond look in his eyes that told me he did. That look made my stomach flip. "I can't really hold it against you for doing what you are used to."

"But you aren't used to it."

"I just need some time to… adjust," I looked down at my feet, knowing that there was a lot I would need to adjust to.

He curled a finger under my chin, tilting it up until my eyes were on his again, "That doesn't mean you should be put in situations that make you uncomfortable."

A smile pulled at my lips, "Thanks, comrade."

"Of course," He leant forward and pressed a chaste kiss to my lips, "I love you, Roza." Another blush covered my face, making him chuckle.

I scowled, "What?"

"I'm just not used to you being so shy. Even back at the academy, you were always the assertive one."

I laughed at the memories of me being assertive, "That was easy before, but now you're all confident, saying something that took you a speech to say last time. I was just surprised."

I could see him trying to remember what time I was speaking about before his eyes lit up in realisation. It was the last time I could remember him telling me his feelings for me. Our last time we were openly affectionate towards each other before the caves. And then he was taken.

His thumb stroked along my jaw, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Rose."

"Fine. I was just thinking...about before…."

His expression darkened, "I'm sorry about everything that I put you through, Roza. When I was Strigoi I -"

"I forgive you for everything. What happened, none of it was your fault, Dimitri," I quickly told him, not wanting him to blame himself. While the memories still haunted me, I knew without a doubt that I held none of it against him. That was a monster, not Dimitri.

His eyes softened, "I know you don't. It took me a long time to accept it the first time you told me. But still, I am sorry."

This time I moved towards him, pressing my lips against his. After a moment, I pulled back, needing to catch my breath. "I am so happy I didn't lose all my memories. Otherwise, I wouldn't be able to do that."

Dimitri chuckled, "I would have reminded you of our love every day until you remembered it." He told me, affection colouring his tone. "But I am glad that you remember me."

As we made our way downstairs to join Lissa and the others, I decided to ask Caleb some questions about the other guardians. "So, do they like me? Because according to some, I have a habit of getting on people's bad side." I glanced back at Alberta, who gave me an exasperated look.

Caleb laughed, "Don't I know it, and they do too. But don't worry, they all got used to it after a couple of months."

"How long have we been working together?" I asked him. Dimitri was hanging back with Alberta as we walked through the hallways, giving me space to talk to Caleb.

"You've been working with everyone for almost three years and me for two. I didn't come to join you at the house until Christian and Dimitri left. And you have been making my life a living nightmare ever since," He replied in a serious tone.

I wasn't sure how, but I knew he was joking, so I rolled with it. "Hey, whatever I did, I'm sure you deserved it."

Apparently, that was the right response. He smirked at me. "Just wait until you hear what you pulled on some of the other guardians."

Before I could ask, we had reached the others on the first floor of the building. Lissa and Christian stood in the middle of the room, speaking to my parents. There were seven guardians in the room with them, five with red collars. I recognised the other two guardians as the ones that worked for Zmey.

They nodded at me in greeting, but I was still wary of them and their employer. The five Royal Guards were scattered around the room, protecting Lissa from all sides, covering points of entry. There were four men and one woman; she gave me a friendly smile.

"I'm happy to know you are safe, Rose," The woman approached me. There was also something vaguely familiar about her.

Caleb gestured between us, "Rose, this is Chelsy. She and Sergei," Caleb pointed to a burly man standing against the far wall, "are the team leaders. Pretty much call the shots." He started to point to the others with us, "That's Robert, Andrew, and that's Lev." Caleb gave me a meaningful look, "Don't trust anything he tells you." Which, of course, just made me want to talk to him more.

Robert and Andrew looked like typical guardians, buff and stoic. The more I looked at them with their identical short buzzed haircuts, the more their similarities became apparent. If I had to guess, I would say they were brothers.

Lev, on the other hand, didn't maintain the serious expression most guardians would. A large smile as he waved at me, his red hair tied back in a bun.

I awkwardly waved back. Returning my attention to Chelsy, "Nice to meet you all."

Sadness crossed her eyes for a second before becoming serious again, "I'm sure you have a lot of questions, and I trust Caleb can answer most of them. Once we are sure you are well enough, we can discuss you returning to work."

I was surprised by the offer. I had no memory of the protocols or even becoming a guardian, yet they wanted me back defending Lissa. "Really?" I quickly tried to school my features, "I mean, if you think that's a good idea."

"Of course, Rose, you are one of the best, and as long as you can fight and keep the Queen safe, we want you," Chelsy told me, her confidence in me apparent.

I bristled at the compliment. While I knew I was good for a novice, I didn't think I was anywhere close to being one of the best. Dimitri, yes, he was a god; I just had some promising talent.

Caleb nudged me with his elbow, "Don't look so worried, a couple of rounds of sparring, and it'll come back to you."

I simply nodded, unsure of what else to say. I kept getting shot looks from those around the room, a steady gaze on me from Sergei, and then, of course, there were the glances from my parents. I could tell my mother was waiting for a chance to speak to me. I didn't know if I should dread it or not.

I definitely dread it.

Luckily I was saved by Lissa looping her arm through mine, "Well, now that's all taken care of, let's get you a check-up."

I couldn't help but smile, glad that I could still rely on Lissa. We hadn't been on the best of terms when I left the academy to hunt down Dimitri, but it seems that we had managed to move past that. She even saved Dimitri, restoring him and bringing him back to me.

I squeezed her arm. At her questioning glance, I whispered, "Thanks, Liss." She squeezed back with a smile.

The Queen's private jet was huge, much bigger than the one the academy had allowed us to travel in. Having plenty of seats for everyone that we could all spread out, a small kitchen with two attendants to bring us food or drinks if we asked. There was even a private suite in the back for Lissa that had a bed and a study.

When I first boarded, I stopped and stared, taking it in, causing Lissa to laugh, arm still looped through mine.

"Yeah, it's a lot. But it does make travelling nice." She explained, leading me towards the middle of the plane. Rather than rows of seats, the chairs were set up as more of a lounge area. Two four-seater couches along one side of the plane, and then two sets of four chairs facing each other with tables between them on the other side. And then two single seats towards the back of the plane where the kitchen and the door to Lissa's suite was.

It was like a fancy hotel suite, except on a plane. Lissa's plane.

Lissa led me to one of the tables, taking the seat opposite me. Without saying a word Christian and Dimitri took the seats beside us. Thankful that Dimitri had saved me again from my parents approaching me.

I knew I couldn't avoid them forever, but I wasn't mentally ready to deal with them. Not to mention how strange it was watching them interact with one another. I had always assumed that my father wanted nothing to do with me, something common for dhampir children. But from the closeness between them, I wondered if it was more than a simple arrangement or one night stand between them.

Once we had levelled off in the sky, Dimitri drew my attention, holding a menu in front of me, "You can ask for anything on here, and they will make it. Or I can bring something out for you."

I took it from him. Even the menus on this plane were fancy, glossy paper with cursive writing. Though my stomach ached for some real food, I was hesitant to do so. I wasn't on duty right now, but I still felt the need to impress my team leaders. Sergei hadn't stopped eyeing me, studying me, and I didn't want to give him reason to think I didn't deserve to be Lissa's guardian anymore. And with none of the other guardians eating, I wasn't going to either.

I shook my head, pushing the menu aside, "I'm not hungry." Dimitri pushed it back.

"Yes, you are."

I hated his knowing tone. I turned him down again, "I'm fine, comrade."

He shot me a look before getting out of his seat. When I turned my head to see where he went, I flinched, pain shooting down my neck. The painkillers that I had been given at the clinic were wearing off, and the aches and pains returning.

It turns out getting into a car accident, followed by a two-day bus trip and then fighting the love of your life, wasn't great to do.

My body ached now every time I moved, though it didn't seem like there was any permanent damage. Unless, of course, you count the amnesia. Lissa had offered to heal me as we walked to the plane when she noticed my slight limp. I turned her down.

I remember clearly how the darkness affected her and me in turn. But now, I couldn't ease that burden for her, and she would be dealing with all of that darkness by herself. I would not risk making that worse.

Lissa noticed my wince from the pain again, "Are you sure you're okay? Do you need to lay down?"

I forced an easy smile, wiping any sign of my discomfort off my face, "I'm fine, Lissa." Her eyes narrowed. I quickly changed the subject, "So what's the plan once we are back at Court? Do you have like, queen stuff to do?"

"Yep, all that queen stuff," Christian deadpanned, staring down at his phone, "So much stuff, a lot of queening. Queen stuff all day long."

Lissa shot him a look but otherwise ignored him, "No, I don't. I was going to go with you to the hospital if you would like. And then I figured you would go back to Dimitri's. Or we could go back to my quarters," She added, "Whichever you prefer."

I blinked at her, stunned. Go to Dimitri's? Again, I needed to get used to the fact we were openly in a relationship. "I don't know," I replied. My mind immediately started imagining what Dimitri's place was like, if it was similar to his room at the academy or an actual apartment.

Which made me think of his apartment in Russia.

"What don't you know?" Dimitri slipped back into his chair, eyebrow raised in question. My focus zeroed in on the plate of food he placed in front of me rather than his question, my dark thoughts forgotten.

There were a couple of pieces of fruit, a chocolate doughnut and a slice of pizza. The sight of it made my mouth salivate, and my stomach grumbled loudly. I ignored the flush I felt on my cheeks. "Where did you get all of this?"

"This plane is stocked like a grocery store. They have everything," Christian explained, eyeing the slice of pizza. I pulled the plate closer to me, protectively.

I couldn't deny how hungry I was, not with it in front of me. I glanced at Dimitri; he was watching me, waiting for me to start eating. Giving up the pretence, I greedily devoured the food he had brought me, savouring each bite.

How I missed American pizza, the stuff in Russia wasn't bad, but it wasn't the same. Not long after Dimitri had returned, one of the attendants had appeared with bottles of water and some other small snacks. Dimitri pushed two of the bottles towards me, along with packets of chips.

"I know how much you can eat, Roza." He told me and then asked again, "So what don't you know?"

I paused mid-bite, "Oh… um, just where I should go after I'm done at the hospital."

"I wasn't sure if she wanted to go back to my quarters or yours." Lissa supplied. I could tell she was trying to be sensitive to both Dimitri and me. Not pressuring me for either choice.

Dimitri fiddled with his water bottle, "I assumed you would want to change your clothes and rest. Your belongings are at my place."

"My stuff is at yours?" I asked, shocked. Then blushed, "Right, I mean that makes sense. Considering." I felt awkward discussing this in front of others, focusing on my plate instead.

"If you aren't comfortable, I'll bring a bag to the palace for you," Dimitri offered, but I could hear the hurt in his voice.

I quickly turned to face him, gripping his hand, "No. No, I want to stay with you." I told him earnestly. I don't know why I was so unsure; I would have jumped at the opportunity to stay in a room with him usually. But I was still wrapping my mind around it all.

I realised then that the idea of sharing a room with Dimitri made me equally excited and nervous.

Though when he gave me a relieved smile, I felt my nerves melt away. Leaving just excitement and a lot of ideas about what we could do with all that privacy.