"Watch me, Danny! It's like you're flying!"
Craning his head back to look up the rows and rows of hay stacked on one side of the haymow, Danny raised an eyebrow up.
"I'll be the judge of that," he muttered.
His volume didn't matter. Katie was brimming full of excitement and leapt off with a joyful scream to swing across the gap. The rope in the haymow was just that, a rope. But a good thick one dangling down ready and perfect for swinging.
Going back and forth a few times, the little girl suddenly loosened her grip, dropping down several feet, and was already sprinting over to him with a section of the rope before Danny had the time to be concerned over the drop.
"Your turn!"
"Give it a go!"
"So I see we're swinging instead of throwing down bales of hay."
Both of the younger kids froze, then turned to see their mom's head poking up from the square entrance.
"We were showing Danny the rope!"
Pulling herself up, she smiled. "I can see that. Doing all right out here, Danny?"
Glancing down, Danny shrugged.
"Sorry about us being busy and not having much time. You came right at the start of harvest. Don't worry, we're nearly done."
"It's fine, Mrs. Kauffman."
Danny was fine with it. They'd been leaving him be and keeping some distance, not pushing him. It being harvest helped with that. He was fine with it.
He could practically hear Jazz in his head lecturing him. It's not good to avoid problems Danny. You should talk. There's nothing wrong in asking for help or leaning on people. You've got me, I'll always have an ear for my little brother.
Danny swallowed. Hard.
"Edi. You can call me Edi. Right. Well, don't let me stop you kids. Go ahead. I'll toss down the hay and help finish up milking. You can stay up here swinging on the rope."
"All right!"
"Here! You go next Danny! Go, go, go!"
"All right, all right, I'm going."
Sighing at Katie's pushiness, Danny took the rope and shoved down hard on a very different girl's voice speaking to him. Just in his head. Not real. Not here. Not around anymore.
Squeezing his eyes shut, he firmly told her to go away and then jumped.
It did feel like flying.
But it wasn't quite right. Not quite the same. The feel of his gut dropping and roughness clutched between his fingers like a lifeline and not as much maneuverability. Most of all though, a heaviness within him that robbed any sense of what flying once entailed for him.
Not light. Not weightless and free. Trapped and contained to limits. No real appeal to do it again.
Struck, Danny handed the rope off to Jon.
What of him really going for a just a flight?
Like before.
Just going for a flight for the sheer joy of it.
But nothing inside Danny leapt at the idea or thought of it.
"I'll just...I'll just sit and watch you two here, okay?"
"Aw! You don't want to go again? But it's fun!"
Sitting down on a bale, Danny didn't look up, shaking his head. "No. I'm good."
I'm good.
It repeated in his head, dull and tainted.
I'm good.
So. I just blast through these, writing whatever and then slamming the post button, to not overthink it and just go with it and have my little bits. But somehow, I finished and was like, shit that ended up all sad Danny and I think I ruined flying for him. WTF and how'd that happen? ...sorry?