Usopp doesn't see Luffy or Chopper's reaction when Sherry gets shot.
It's pure horror– and Luffy whirls around, fearful, as Chopper runs immediately forward. Luffy stays firmly in his spot, looking around for the shooter, alarmed for another– and Chopper is so flustered, he doesn't even consider the aspect of himself getting in range for another shot. Anne follows him, spear in hand, just in case.
Usopp doesn't see it all.
But Anne sees the way Usopp looks– dull, unsurprised, and unmoving– and she lingers, plagued with confusion.
"A Davy Back Fight?!" Gin exclaims.
They were surrounded– Foxy's bigger galleon anchors with the Merry between them– and, horrifyingly enough, it's bigger than any ship Wyper has ever seen, and it dwarfs the Merry by a staggering ratio.
"Huh? If it's a fight, we're not going to turn it down," Zoro mutters. "Luffy wouldn't."
"Idiot, it's not just a fight," Sanji says, "you've never heard of it before? It's a gambling game played between pirates– it's a duel of pride."
"Ah… I'm sorry," Conis says, "I've… never heard of it before either." And Suu murmured in agreement.
"No no, you're fine," Sanji fumbles to assure her, "you don't get pirates often up on the White Sea. Totally makes sense."
"What is this, war?" Wyper questions. He doesn't have his bazooka or any weapons, since Nami forbade it for now, but he was certainly itching for something to hold.
"Why is it always war or not with you?" Zoro groans. "Is there no inbetween?"
"It's a festival," Sanji says, "fighting. Gambling. It's like war– but there are rules and only limited people play. And whatever the result is, you can't refute it."
"What? That's stupid!" Wyper snaps.
"Not just that– you don't wager gold or currency– you're wagering crewmembers!" Gin says, hissing sharply. Conis gasps at that. For a crew as small and tight-knit as this one– just losing one could horribly shatter the balance of their synergy, and Gin knew that better than anyone. "This is bad. Luffy better not agree!"
"Huh? You've got that backwards," Zoro says, "of course he should agree. We're no cowards."
"That is not the problem!"
"What, did you lose all your pride after joining our crew?"
Gin groans. "For fuck's sake…"
Wyper and Conis have never heard of it before– but that was fair. They've barely been in the Blue Sea for a week.
"The Davy Back…" Robin considers, "it's rumoured to have originated from an island known as the pirates' paradise. It's a way for pirates to fight over pirates, and has been, historically, the most efficient way pirates have acquired greater men in their ranks."
"Wha– hold on," Gin whirls around, "Nami! You knew this was going to happen!"
Robin glances over, curious. She was the only one to not yet know of the time travelling.
Nami raises her hands, "even if I didn't, these guys have obviously been tailing us from the moment we entered the island's climate," she defends. "And you know, Gin, better than anyone– that the Davy Back isn't something anyone can just turn down."
Gin curses. "Yes, I know…"
He's participated in plenty and won plenty of crew members in the Krieg Pirates, just like this. This wasn't just an elaborate scouting festival, this was a battle of pride. It's how Don Krieg got so famous in the East Blue in such little time.
"Haha! That's the Burglar Cat and Man-Demon! They look as intimidating as their bounty posters!" one of the Foxy Pirates exclaims, excited.
"Hi sir and miss! Can I have your autograph please?!"
"Ohhh, Miss Burglar Cat! Your arm looks awesome! Is that a new model?!?"
And– well, suddenly, the tension was just gone. Nami and Gin look over, slightly baffled, while the rest of the crew stare, stunned and wide-eyed, as a few members alight form the ship, their weapons sheathed and tucked away, only holding papers and boards, looking for friendly attention.
"Holy shit is that the Demon Child?!? Lady I'm your biggest fan!"
Robin, in a rare show of genuine emotion, cringes away from the overexcited short old lady. Suddenly there was a legion of people coming at her, and as more people recognize her, they turned into a frenzy.
"Ma'am! I'm from West Blue! You're my hero!"
"I want to know what kinds of insanity you did to get that crazy bounty at age eight! Please, you're my aspiration!"
"Uh," Robin's at a loss for words, and that's certainly something.
Nami glances over, just in case she needed help, but Robin escapes the crowd first, tucking herself behind Wyper, who does a marvellous job of just standing and glaring in his confusion. Everyone stayed away pretty quickly after that.
People were flocking to Conis, too, because "an angel! It's an angel! Oh my god it's an angel!" but thankfully enough, Sanji had his lady protection sensors on.
"Away! From! The lady! You HEATHENS!"
Needless to say, they all kept their distance after that. There was a line of 'hey, our boundaries', but that didn't stop the crowd from bombarding them with heaps of sparkly-eyed questions
"Is it true that you guys caused the legendary execution platform destruction incident?!"
"Is your captain really a deity in human form??"
"Did you guys really incite the Holy Splash War in marineford?!"
"Please sign this! Please! I'll make it my family heirloom! It's my brother's dream to meet you guys in the flesh!"
(What in the world?)
And while Gin and Nami back away slightly too taken aback by what they were seeing– Wyper and Conis stare, slack-jawed.
"Uh, yeah," Sanji says. "I kinda figured from the stuff in Navarone, but for some fucking reason, we're kinda famous?"
"No no, this is way worse than before!" Zoro hisses, "I thought it was only the platform incident. What shit happened while we were in the sky to make things turn out like this?!"
"I don't want to know," Gin mutters. Then, in all the resigned seriousness of someone about to head into war, he turns to the crew. "But first thing's first… we need to hide our fox."
"...huh?"
Just then, Suu peaks her head out of the Merry, curious about what's going on outside.
All movement on the Sexy Foxy halts. Then– in an explosive instant:
"THEY HAVE A FOX! I REPEAT! THEY HAVE A FOX!"
"CALL THE CAPTAIN IMMEDIATELY!"
"EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY! THEY HAVE. A. FOX!"
"IT'S SO SMALLLLLLL!!!"
Chopper had managed to get the bullet out and prevent any lasting damage, but it's really Kinoko that helps ease her through the operation, soft feathers gently caressing the side of Sherry's head, soft chitters soothing them through a conversation no one but themselves could understand.
Anne stands poised for battle, wary of the figures that approach them, and Luffy antagonizes them, directly.
It's only Usopp that strangely does little, staying still in his spot, his walking stick before him, not prepared to take any steps forward.
But Chopper didn't have time to worry about that.
Chopper wraps up the wound as Foxy lays out his challenges. He's wary– but Usopp wasn't saying anything to it. Chopper doesn't understand anything about the Davy Back, and neither does Anne– but since Usopp wasn't refuting it– surely, it was fine, right?
"You know, are you a guide bird or a therapy bird? No seriously I need to know," Chopper turns to the bird, squinting in skepticism. "Like, seriously, what are your skills? Who trained you? Are you qualified to help me with my doctor duties?"
Kinoko's answers to each of them are a snobby 'yeah, yeah', and 'who would help you? I'm offering my graces is what I'm doing, peasant!'
Either way, Chopper has realized that Kinoko is pleasant to talk to as long as you're not directly talking to her.
Luffy accepted the challenge– and in perfect Foxy fashion, they set up the carnival.
Anne runs about everywhere with Chopper and Luffy, splurging on overpriced food and festival games. Conis follows along, enjoying the Blue Sea carnival with all the fascination of a child who had found a paradise of sweets.
And that really wasn't far from the truth.
"You're not going to go?" Nami turns to Wyper, who scoffs.
"This is childish. All the fanfare is just going to alert the–" he thinks for a second, "Marines?" Nami nods at that. Yes, the Marines are our police force, "of our location. It's a waste of energy."
"You're so uptight for no reason," Gin mutters, watching Anne go from one end to the other, and then setting up her easel because she realized that she, too, can sell overpriced products here if she makes a stall. No selling permit required.
Well, this was also Anne's first time really being able to enjoy something like this, so he begrudgingly accepted the situation.
Nothing he could do now that Luffy took the challenge, after all.
"This is one huge crew," Zoro looks around. It was impossible to even count them. "The huge ship makes sense now."
Robin, meanwhile, was sitting down at the side with Suu in her lap, the fox curled up and terrified. The whole legion of Foxy pirates had chased her down begging for one touch of her fur and now she was traumatised. Robin, and a very resting-bitch-faced Wyper was keeping the hoodlums away from trying again.
Nami hums a random tune in her throat as she heads around the festival, haggling things down to get fair prices. She also makes sure Anne sells her portraits for as expensive as unreasonably reasonable, because of course she does.
"Conis-swaaan, here's cotton candy!" Sanji sings, sauntering around with two sticks of cotton candy in his hands.
"Cotton candy?" she asks, taking it curiously.
"It's the bestest thing in the world!" Chopper says, squealing excitedly, eyes glittering. "Where'd you get it?!"
"From over there, but you can take this one," Sanji points toward the machine, handing Chopper one of them, "Nami-swan haggled an extra for us."
"YAyy! Thanks, Sanji!"
"Chopper, they've got Yakisoba!"
"Really?!"
"Uhm," Usopp walks up to them after Luffy and Chopper speed off to the next corner. He's pulling a wagon full of toys and trinkets. "Sanji, I accidentally won everything at the shooting booth. What do I do with all this?"
"What the– HOW?!"
"Usopp, that isn't physically possible! Stop breaking your own blindness rules!"
The opening ceremony starts off with a bang
"Sorry, Nami," Usopp comes up to the navigator, who was basking in lame festival trinkets and heaps of cash made from selling overpriced caricatures. "I didn't protect Sherry."
"Ah, that?" Nami turns over, chuckling. "It's fine! I'm sure if you couldn't do it, there were probably some extenuating circumstances."
Usopp doesn't respond to that.
Nami smiles on, oblivious. She hadn't been there both times, so it didn't feel right to blame Usopp for something that was out of his control. "At least we're making the most of the situation, right?"
Usopp chortles. "You surely are, you thief!"
Anne glances aside curiously– but she doesn't say a thing. Zoro notices the unreadable look she sends them– and his brows narrow as well.
Something was off. He just didn't know what yet.
"We now declare the three clauses of victory!" Porche announces. The Strawhats have no idea when Luffy made his way up to the stage with Kinoko on his head and Yakisoba in his hands, but well, that's fair. "First! Crew members or flag captured during the Davy back Fight may not be recaptured other than through said game! Second, captured members must swear allegiance to the opponent captain immediately! And finally! A stolen flag may never be displayed again!"
"So we force someone on our crew and they must immediately change sides?" Wyper says, looking over the fuss with a grimace. "That's repulsive."
"That's how it works down here," Gin says. "Sure it might seem pretty stupid to you, since it just seems like we're not as loyal.. But this is preferable to fighting huge crew wars."
"Especially with bigger, stronger crews– you don't want to lose large numbers at once. Wars are no good for anyone, so Davy Backs became the tradition if only to keep order on the ocean," Sanji says.
"Hehh, there's a history like that?" Anne speaks up.
Robin hums, flipping through a detailed logbook on this. Nami found and bought it from one of the small flea market areas in the corner of the carnival.
"All who disobey these laws are sentenced to Davy Jones' Locker as a disgrace to all piratekind!" Porche declare. "Do our participants swear to these clauses?"
"I swear," Foxy grins.
"I swear!" Luffy echoes.
Three coins go into the air, whirling into the light. The decree goes into the sky, and down into the waters, a promise made in the presence and in the name of the sea's greatest prominence.
"...Davy Jones?" Chopper questions, and Conis echoes it a moment later.
Robin smiles, "it's a pirate from long ago. It's said he was cursed and now lives deep down on the seafloor," she says.
"So he's a Blue Sea Legend?" Wyper questions, leaning over a little more.
"Sunken ships, treasures, people... All that sinks in the sea falls into his grasp," Sanji says, tapping away the ash of his cigarette. "His locker, if you may. He keeps everything he gets, so when pirates take whatever they want from their enemies, it's called a 'Davy Back'."
"Is he strong?" Wyper asks.
Everyone stares at him, baffled. Then, "if you want to fight him, you gotta first learn how to swim, Wyper."
He bristles, "I'm working on it!"
"Hey, you guys," one of Foxy's men comes over with a list, "do you guys know the traditional rules or do we need to give you a rundown? Either way, once you decide your members you can't change them, so pass them in to our emcee ASAP, alright?"
"Got it," Nami takes the paper. "Geez, a flimsy registration like this makes it feel like marine sports tournament day instead of a crew to crew Davy Back Fight."
"...shit, no wonder this feels familiar," Zoro mutters.
Nami glances over warily. "You know. I don't know how to feel about the fact that you and I are the only ones that have ever been to anything in the semblance of a school." And last time around, it was literally only him. Of all people.
Gin peruses the events, since he had the most experience.
"Race, Ball Game, and Battle," he says.
"I want the battle! I'm gonna fight!" Luffy says. He'd returned after the opening ceremony ended, Kinoko still on his head because apparently she's an accessory.
"Huh? No, I'm going to," Zoro says.
"No no, leave it to me! I'm all for it now!" Sanji insists.
"I will," Wyper says, firmly.
Gin takes one look at them and rolls his eyes. "The battle round is pretty standard," he says. "I usually go for the Krieg Pirates, since I'm the best fighter aside from the Don…"
"No, I wanna go!" the group was still fighting, shoving faces and arms and legs aside to get closer to Gin just to insist louder.
Gin sighs. "But that was Krieg Pirates, and the Don himself usually doesn't participate in our case. But it's tradition to leave the battle to the captain. Should we do that?"
"Yes! YES!"
"No!"
"Ugh, I said I'm doing it!"
Gin ignores them in favour of the others. "The race probably won't be simple. We'll want the smart ones in round one and our other fighters for the ballgame, since it'll be skill-based."
Nami hums, impressed.
Leave it to their most experienced to actually lay that out for them. Well, they kind of did that last time around, too, so it wasn't rocket science or anything– but it was nice to have another person around willing to organize their resources in order like this.
"Six people can join in the first round, and for the ball game, we get three members and a substitute," Robin reads from the small print of the registration form. "So including the battle portion, eleven people can participate."
"I am entirely confident they planned this around our number of members," Nami grimaces, "one member can only participate once, too."
"That just means they're used to this," Zoro says. "How often do they even get in these fights?"
"We came across one of their victims' ships before we got here, didn't we?" Usopp says, "I'd say the Davy Back's their daily thing. Seems like they'd earn a good income on just these carnivals they're so good at setting up."
"Yeah, the carnival reeks of insane expertise on their part."
"Do Kinoko and Suu count as extra members?" Chopper asks, "they're curious."
They all go quiet for a long moment.
Then, "Robin, are you done reading that rule book yet?"
"No, but genuine question…" Robin looks up from the book, "do we classify Suu and Kinoko as ship pets? Is Chopper a ship pet?"
And so began chaos.
"I AM NOT A PET!"
Suu screeches something. Kinoko also shrieks something. No one can understand anything they're saying, because Chopper also starts yelling something incoherent to human ears and it all just becomes a whole heap of absolutely nothing.
"If we're going to call me a pet, Merry's also a pet!"
"Merry's a ship! She's a ship ! A ship isn't a pet!"
"If a job makes her not a pet then I'm a doctor! A doctor can't be a pet!"
"If we're going by animal features then Wyper and Conis are pets, too!"
"EXCUSE ME?!"
"If we're going by animalistic tendencies, Luffy fits the bill."
"Sanji, I know you always snag him under giant mouse traps, but no."
"Oh, my bad."
"Hey, would that mouse onboard technically be our pet?"
"There's a mouse onboard?!?"
Needless to say, the Strawhats have put the whole debacle behind them, and by behind them they mean shoved aside to the corner of an everlasting debate that will never end of course they just have priorities for now, and focus on the race.
"Uhm. Mister Cook, no offense, you look charming today, but what's with the sign?"
The Foxy Pirates have started paying attention to the crew now. They had time to go back to their ship and really get geared up for their island venture, and that, unfortunately, includes Sanji getting shoved with the sign of shame.
"Team uniforms!" Luffy declares, way too many wristbands on his hands.
Sanji stares annoyedly at the 'I asked god to light my cigarette' on his board and mutters an indistinct curse. Zoro also stares down at his 'I tried to bleach the fox' board and wonders why that was the problem over everything else.
"Stupidity is punished in our crew," Nami says, as a matter of fact.
The Foxy Pirates all balk. "That's terrifying."
Behind her, Wyper is currently trying to build their raft with the barrels, completely lost on what kind of ship can float on the Blue Sea and being completely unaccepting of physics because it doesn't make sense.
"Why can't I just stack them up?! A solid structure is best, right?"
"Yes, but if you don't balance the weight and leverage and— well, the thing is, it'll sink when a human goes on it, alright?"
Usopp was trying hard to explain applied shipbuilding physics to a complete newbie, and seeing as he only knows it by instinct and testing as well, he has no idea where to even begin.
"Let's put Breath Dials under and around it," Anne suggests.
"That's a good idea, but the condition was that we can only use the wood to build the boat," Nami hums, "how about we make a wagon instead and just have Wyper drag it around with the Waver Skates?"
"At that point, how about we just use the waver instead?"
"No no, technically if we use the waver, they would consider the waver as part of the boat, and then they'd disqualify us for using parts other than the wood, right?"
"But it won't be like that for the Waver Skates?"
"Well, for the Waver Skates, I can argue that it's just shoes. You wouldn't tell me to take off my jacket or my arm, right?"
"Ah… I see."
"When you think of trying to subvert rules, you gotta think in their perspective. Even if the perspective is from a dumb buffoon. Understanding your enemies is important."
Usopp and Wyper look over warily. Slowly but surely, Nami was gently teaching Anne the intricacies of going around technicalities in the rulebook. He's very afraid.
Two teams of three each, so first up was Nami, Robin, and Conis, with a makeshift boat clumsily crafted by Usopp and put together with all the clumsy Waver expertise of Conis, so it was at least more structured than just a set of cut barrels.
"First up from the Strawhat Team is ship Navigator, girl with a metal arm, Whitebeard's daughter and a girl of various swindling feats– Burglar Cat NAAAAMIII!!"
All things considered, Itomimizu was having fun there.
At least he was hyping them up well, but Nami had a feeling she sacrificed something to get this treatment. It started with an S and rhymed with vanity, but heh, if she can't recall it right now maybe it doesn't matter.
"In her team is the archaeologist, our queen and lady of worship, Robin! And then there's Seamstress Conis, a literal angel descended from heaven!!"
The crowd roars. Conis flushes bright red at that. "Wha– what?!"
Robin is starting to look insanely uncomfortable. She's not even looking in the direction of the crowd, where the rest of the crew (namely Luffy, Chopper, and Sanji) were trying their best to be louder than a hundred people.
"Hey!" Nami yells, "if you're going to say that, I'm gonna pay you for looking! Eye candy don't come cheap, y'know!"
"She's going to bill us for feasting our eyes on her divine beauty?!? She's a demon! She's more worthy of the moniker than the demon child!"
Right away, Itomimizu is wrapped by a dozen arms, one snatching away his microphone, another, twisting his ears, and the last stretching out his cheeks painfully.
"OW OWH GIB! I GIV! SPARE MEH! I'LL B'QUIET!"
Anyways, now that the debacle was over, Itomimizu nurses his numb cheeks and retrieves his microphone bird buddy.
"And alright, their boat is the Barrel Tiger: Conis helped me this time edition!"
For the extensively long introduction that was absolutely not necessary, their boat was quite unimpressive. Usopp was the one that made it again, with Conis' limited expertise in it from helping her father around with Wavers every once in a while.
At least it looked like a proper vessel this time, rather than a layout of tied-together half-barrels. Conis was good at building boat shapes with scrap wood, as if she were making defined piece models, so all it took was Usopp breaking them down for her, reinforcing them after she was done, and making sure it floated in the end.
"How do I work this?" Robin asks, pointing toward the propeller rudder Usopp had made of wood and attached to a hand crank.
"With the power of gears and manual labour, or really, just the autospin of my Clima Tact at full mania," Nami says. "It's better than rowing, right?"
"I'm not sure…" Robin deems, "the boat is rather barrel-shaped, so I hope we don't accidentally flip over and drown."
Conis squeaks, "that can happen?!"
Nami fumbles to reassure her. "No no, I'm sure we'd end up trapping an air bubble as well. We'll be safe, don't worry!" Then she turns an incredulous look at Robin. "Don't scare her!"
"You're right, but since Miss Seamstress and I cannot swim, we will sink. And your weakness in your arm's weight is that you must perpetually be in motion in the water, so you cannot stay buoyant long in spot as well," Robin says. "Thus, unless you can…"
Nami is frantically covering a hysterical Conis' ears. "STOP scaring her! Now I'm getting scared too!"
"AAAAND Coming up beside them is Strawhat B Team! Featuring Technician Wyper and Quartermaster, Man-Demon Gin! They scare the everloving shit out of us, so thank the seas I'm over here instead of there!"
Grinding their teeth, Gin and Wyper sail up beside the Barrel Tiger, Wyper skidding by on his skates and Gin sitting largely on the fragile barrel structure. The boat was shaped in some semblance of a throne, not by design, and Gin took up most of it with his limbs set out evenly– glaring forward.
That was also not by design. It's just that Gin's very specific sitting position is the only way the boat can stay afloat with his weight. (And also he's kind of manually holding the bigger pieces together with all his strength so–) If he moves even a centimetre they're toppling over. His glare is there because he's getting cramps.
"Fucking kill me," he mutters, once the other ship is within earshot.
"Oh really? I'll do you a fucking favour," Wyper mutters. He's holding onto the handle– the best-made thing on the entire raft, really– and apparently, he's supposed to drag this ship forward like a man-powered pull cart.
"I'll fucking kill you next. Drag you down into the sea hope you fucking drown."
"I'll do it first, don't try me."
"I can swim, unlike you."
Anne, seated very comfortably on Gin's lap because there's really nowhere else, simply waves at the crowd and enjoys the scenery.
"With them is the adorable little Scout, Painter, she can be whatever she wants to be! It's Miss Goldenweek!"
"It's just Anne," she mutters. "Can't they change my bounty poster already?"
"Do we really need that introduction?" Gin grumbles, cursing again.
"Deal with it," Nami says. "And uh… yeah. Wyper is definitely not a shipwright. What on earth did you guys ever do to the three barrels? This is worse than at least it floats because this isn't even in one piece."
"And their boat is the Fuck you Mobile!"
"Who allowed you to name that??"
"...y'know, it's actually pretty appropriate," Sanji says.
"We didn't!" Gin insisted, "this shithead Bastard Angel was picking a fight and–"
"You were the one picking a fight! Why the fuck am I the one forced to drag your ass around anyway!? I can do this alone!"
"I have to do this uncomfortable shit because you couldn't even make a fucking functional RAFT!"
"The Blue Sea is fucking weird!"
"Luffy would be better at this shit than you!"
"Gin and Wyper said 'fuck you' when we were asked, so I just added 'mobile' at the end and they just accepted it," Anne explains, like the two weren't trying to murder each other over her head.
Nami was going to stop asking.
Robin looks away, deciding to pretend she doesn't know them, and Conis was meekly approaching them, looking on with worry. Gin and Wyper were still arguing like children.
At the shores, Sanji and Zoro watch on, grimacing.
"How do I say this… I have little hope," Sanji mutters.
"How'd the witch even get them to approve of us literally using wavers?" Zoro grumbles.
"Lack of technological understanding and lots of padded vocabulary," Chopper says.
"So just very fluent bullshit," Sanji nods sagely.
"Better than the other team, they have a literal shark pulling their wagon," Zoro says. "How the actual fuck is that legal?"
"...well, I guess Nami had the right idea in stretching the rules, then."
"We're expecting Wyper to compete against a shark…" Chopper says, a little confused. "And no one is even doubting him…? Am I the weird one here?"
"Go all out, you guys!" Luffy cheers, mouthful of food and all the enthusiasm in the world. "Wiiiiiin!"
Beside him, Suu echoes the sentiment loudly.
Usopp, however, was gearing up for battle, slowly rolling his Kabuto to form and making sure Kinoko was on his head before murmuring something too soft for people around him to hear. When he started making his way out of the crowd, Luffy noticed first.
"Where'ya going?" Luffy asks.
"Ah Luffy, good timing," Usopp says, pointing in a random direction, "can you get me up on that tree?"
"There's no tree there, Usopp," Zoro says.
"What was I supposed to do, actually point at a tree?" Usopp says, exasperated, "geez, what do you guys think being blind entails?"
There's a moment of baffled silence as the boys side-eyed each other.
"Usopp, your blindness is so inconsistent," Chopper finally comes right out to say it.
"Yeah, is Kinosuke even doing her job?" Luffy adds.
"Okay, fine," Usopp mutters, pouting, pointing in another direction. "Get me up on that tree."
Sanji whirls around, "so you do know where the trees are!"
All things considered, being sandwiched between most of the Foxy Pirates at the started was not ideal, but well– Nami saw the harbour attack and the floodback of explosive barrels coming, so all she had to do was get her Gust Sword out and grin at Wyper.
Wyper takes a moment– and then, "ah," before leaning down and switching the gear on his dial to the maximum.
"On your marks… ready. Set. DONUT!"
Nami swings back, "GUST SWORD!" and Wyper speeds forward, Gin barely holding on with the most unmanly expression ever he will never admit to making it but– the sea behind them explodes, and they're sent flying far into the air, leagues ahead of the crowd.
"HOLY SHIT that was a big splash! Is everyone alri– WHAT?!" Itomimizu exclaims, horrified. The crowd at the harbour, all who had been geared with cannons and bombs– were all either sprawled over the ground or currently fighting the other Strawhats. "What's this?! The people at the shore have all been knocked out?!?"
Sanji drills his foot into someone's face while Zoro sternly observes the barrel of a cannon before deeming it useless and slicing it in half. Luffy was angrily yelling at someone who fired a cannon, because first of all how dare you, and Chopper was angrily running about trying to treat everyone because GUYS this is a festival, stop fighting them! And Suu was just running around, with a rope, tripping people.
"Wow, there's chaos back there," Robin observes.
Nami laughs, wide and hearty, as she affixes her Clima Tact to the hand-crank engine. Conis is gaping, wide-eyed– clutching the edges of the ship in great horror.
"Focus, ladies!" Nami grins, bracing her fist. "Here's where the real battle begins!"
They splash against the waters, hard and dynamic, drenched all over. With the propeller at the back of their boat, they were already speeding forward with a gush of water flanking their sides, splashing roughly against their hull and sides with the help of their unique boat structure.
It obscured their view a little– but Nami grins, nailing in her position at the rear of the boat, water on either side of her. Robin crosses her hands over her chest as the other Foxy boats catch up.
And Conis?
Conis sets herself at the forefront of the boat, lifting a familiar-looking bazooka on her shoulders.
Nami grins at all the other Foxy boats behind them.
Simultaneously, they all swallowed nervously.
"And now for today's weather report!" Nami declares, looking out into the sun, her metal arm coming up to shield her eyes. "Around this island it's sunny with a chance of fire-fueled lasers, the sea mother's wrath, and unsolicited chiropractic malpractice. Well… whatever the case! If you value your life, stay out of the water!"
All the Foxy pirates instantly pale.
Sanji's equally pale as Conis fires the bazooka, immediately throwing the ship back a mile with the recoil. She misses her target by a mile, because of aforementioned recoil, but well– it was probably for the better.
"Who gave Conis the death laser?" Sanji barely squeaks out.
Zoro has his eyes fixed on Wyper's group further out. "The same person that gave Anne that."
Sanji looks over. "What?"
Meanwhile, Wyper is skidding straight forward, keeping an eye on the shore as he slides hard corners. Grinding his teeth, he glares sternly at Monda the shark, and the shark glares right back, as they both drag their wagons far too fast for human endurance to deal with.
Porsche and Capote cling to each other for dear life, because fast as Monda was, it was rare for someone to actually challenge him at a neck-to-neck speed race, so they've never experienced overdrive speeds before. It's stirred his competitive spirit and they've all completely forgotten about safety in the process.
Meanwhile, Gin is literally clinging on with all the will to live of a man that just wants death. His hands cramp up, clutching two sides of their driftwood and holding them fiercely together even against the raging water pressure and velocity. The wood's dented through with handprints, and his eyes are blown so wide he can't spare a moment to even blink lest he lose focus.
Anne sits on his lap, her neck craned up to stare at his expressions. Her own face is blank, and she turns back forward, enjoying the wind.
Gin's teeth are chattering, but Anne slowly understands the words coming out of the jitters.
"I'm gonna fucking die gonne fucking DIE I willDIE I'm DYINGsaveme WE're all going to– KILL YOU" and so on, incoherent all the way but incredibly passionate with an intense, raging bloodlust.
Silently, she understands that Gin is going to murder them once they cross the finish line.
Oh well. The wind was nice.
"Wha– well, we can't just do nothing!" Porche finally composes herself enough to cling to the side of her wagon, looking in the Fuck You Mobile's direction. She gapes at the sight behind her– flying laser beams that were going off-lane because Conis can't aim right, disembodied arms and yowls of hell as bones cracked– and then the sea itself was whirling forward, swallowing ships one after another.
It was the portrait of hell behind them.
Porche stares for all of three baffled seconds before whirling back around. "I will avenge you, my comrades!" she sobs.
"No, they're not dead!" Itomimizu retorts, unheard by Porche.
"Capote!" Porche declares, her baton poised before her. "Do your thing!"
"Yeah!" the Fishman rises, arm raised, "Sea-Splitter!"
Wyper curses as the sea shatters before his eyes, a lance of invisible force shooting toward them. There was nowhere to run, not when he's dragging the cart– and at the momentum they were going– they couldn't even avoid it in time.
"Oooh! Capote's Fishman karate is here! The surefire, will kill, terrifying sea-splitter! It's destroyed much bigger ships before! Team Fuck You Mobile is in DAAANGER!"
Gin immediately shouts. "ANNE!"
Anne takes off her hat and tosses it to Gin's lap. Then, balancing upon Gin's shoulder bone and the handle of the wagon, she positions herself right in the center of the blast.
Wyper whirls around, "what are you do–!!" his words cut off when they come right in the face of the Sea-splitter– and Anne simply, calmly, holds her hand forward.
The force vanishes, enraptured into her palm, whirling together like dust to a vacuum.
"Huh," Anne says, looking rather impressed at the Impact Dial in her hands. "It works."
"W-W-W WHAT DID SHE DOOOOO?!?"
The horrified silence is shattered with disbelieving screams from all around. The Strawhats at the Crew cheer as loudly as they can.
"That's so coooool!!" Luffy and Usopp scream, already halfway impressed when Conis fired off the bazooka with gas-powered lasers so it didn't take much more to bring them to sparkly-eyed tears.
Sanji has his face in his palm. "Usopp, I fucking swear…"
"This is impossible! What did she even?! How did that little lady–?!"
Porche's slack-jawed. This was incredulous! There's no way this was happening. "There's no helping it!" she whirls her baton forward, desperate. "Flower Hypnosis!"
"Shit!" Wyper hisses, "what is that light–?!"
"Wait a– Hypnosis?" Gin winces, closing his eyes, "don't look at it! Anne!" he yells, when the girl just stares straight into the pink wave, with no attempt to deflect or avoid it. Wyper responds to that, covering his eyes immediately.
But in deference to all that– Anne just sighs.
Gin stills, suddenly captured by a sudden sense of foreboding. That sigh, despite Anne's usual undeterred demeanor– was filled with disappointment.
(...Right. Anne's a hypnotist, too.)
Anne tosses the Impact Dial into Gin's lap.
"Is that it?" she asks.
Porche jumps. "Huh? It's not– huh?"
Gin's has a hand over his eyes. Wyper's eyes are still behind his elbow, because he wasn't sure if the pink hypnosis wave was gone.
"Hey, Angel Bastard," Gin says, "don't open your eyes yet."
Wyper peeks out of his arms. He sees Anne for all of one second before he obediently goes back to covering his eyes.
"...Okay. But not because I'm listening to you."
Porche looks up just in time to see the promise of murder on Anne's face as the little girl whips out an oversized paintbrush and raises it over her head.
The entire crowd watches in flabbergasted horror as Anne decimates the Cutie Wagon, a huge blue splotch of Colours Trap painted over all of them, including the shark, who was floating half-dead on the water.
Nami's boat sails up to them, and Anne gives Nami a high five, handing her the Impact Dial before waving as she goes on ahead. Gin and Wyper both look too resigned to their fates to even bother saying anything.
Conis seems to be saying a lot, brightly talking about her experience as she holds the burn bazooka like a pillow, her eyes sparkling in the hopes of doing it all again. Robin smiles behind them, a book in her lap as they sail on, nonchalant.
"The girls in our crew terrify me," Sanji says.
"...Nami, that witch, she planned this, didn't she?" Zoro says, aghast.
They were headed toward a coral (cooooraaal?) zone that Itomimizu was talking up like some grand danger. There was even a whirlpool behind it, but Nami entered the zone with ease, and then soared over the water spout on an Impact Dial.
Wyper's ship followed behind them, attached by a string of Robin's arms.
They were leagues ahead of Porche's boat– who, after Monda accidentally flipped over in his depression, managed to wash off the paint in the sea and figure out how to revive his other comrades. They were back in the running, but much too far to catch up.
"Darn, they're good," the Foxy pirates couldn't help but admit. "Miss Goldenweek took out all of them at once."
Luffy grins. He's holding one of them by the hair, but he's not beyond talking to them. "Right? Anne's the best, right? GO TEAM!"
Beside him, Chopper and Suu looked very smugly proud. "We haven't lost a single team member! Though I'll admit I was worried about Gin and Wyper for a second."
Sanji smiles. Well, they'll definitely win now.
Remembering something, he turns back, toward the nearest tree, where Usopp was carefully perched at the very top.
"Speaking of which, what was Usopp so wary about, anyway?"
"Maybe he just can't get down," Zoro suggests.
Foxy was headed toward the other end, ready to interfere.
At least, he was trying until a rolled-up paper ball knocked him on the head.
"What? Who?!"
There's no one within a hundred meters of him. Hamburg stares at the paper ball, picking it up curiously. Where did it even come from?
Miffed, Foxy picks it up, flattening it to read the gorgeous note the heavens had bestowed upon him–
[STAY STILL, SPLIT HEAD BASTARD!]
Foxy takes nine hundred points of damage and goes crumpling in the corner, devastated. He sniffles, upset. "...Split Head?"
Hamburg fails to hold back laughter.
"Ah, Boss, we're going to miss the chance to set up traps," he realizes.
"Oh, right!"
And they recover immediately– to immediately be socked over the head by a rubber hammer that came flying in from nowhere.
"WHO'S THE DAREDEVIL?!" he shrieks, rising and bristling and– "there's nothing around! Where are they hiding?! Don't tell me– is it some invisibility Devil Fruit–"
A wine cork bonks him in the center of the forehead, knocking him right off of Hamburg.
"I swear–!!"
Seriously, what even was it? A sniper? It must be one of the Strawhats! That's right, they had a bird, didn't they? The bir adjust be drop-bombing him from somewhere–
"Wh- What's this! Our leader, Boss Foxy, is being impeded by an unknown assailant!" Itomimizu draws attention to him, and Foxy abruptly remembers what he was here to do.
Nami's ship is streaming right by, and she spots Foxy in the distance, a single metal finger raised and pointed toward the man.
Beside her, Wyper stood on the boat, the Burn Bazooka on his shoulder. He seemed to be talking to Conis, slowly directing her on just how to control the aim and brace against the recoil in a way that doesn't throw the trajectory off too much.
Foxy stares. "They're not gonna… right?"
Wyper pulls the trigger, a laser beam flits right past Foxy's face, missing him by a shave.
Very jittery, Foxy slowly turns around to see the Burn Bazooka take out a circus tent far behind him. He sees his life flash by.
"No, no, aim better!" Nami hollers, a distance away.
"Oh shut up, if you want a good aim, ask the blind guy!" Wyper grumbles. "I did better than Conis, at least!"
"...am I the only one that thinks there's a problem with that sentence?" Robin wonders to herself.
Right then, something shoots down from the heavens, striking Foxy right in the back of the head, exploding on contact and knocking the man right out.
In the distance, Usopp and Kinoko raise a thumbs up. Nami points one right back, not that Usopp could see anyway but the spirit was what mattered.
"This is what you call teamwork , folks!" Nami declares, punching the air. "Viva the power of friendship!"
"Power of friendship?" Wyper questions.
"Usopp talked about it before," Anne explains, "it's the strongest magic in the universe and it has the ability to destroy continents in one breath."
"What?! We have that kind of horrifying nuclear power?!"
Behind them, Gin groans into himself, the colour completely drained from his face. "I've never been in such a miserable Davy Back fight before. I don't even know how to feel."
Robin hums. "I might have to agree."
Conis is slightly flustered. "I- I'm sorry? Is that a bad thing?"
The group in the audience cheered loudly. "NAMI! NAMI! NAMI!" they cheer, between bites of food and mouthfuls of grog. "AND USOPP! USOPP! USOPP!"
"This almost seems way too easy," Zoro says, downing a tankful of beer, holding it out for the Foxy pirate to refill.
Beside them, someone was trying to figure out what Chopper and Suu were, curiously offering them candy apples and choco-bananas, and celebrating in their little groups when the two animals ate it happily. Even further out, someone was trying to compete with Sanji in satisfying Luffy's appetite, two hot plates side by side, making Yakisoba together at the speed of light while Luffy did the dance of anticipation for his incoming all-you-can-eat festa.
"Don't be so pessimistic, Mosshead! You'll make the food taste bad!" Sanji yells over the noise.
"What does that have to do with anything and are any of you even focusing on the race?!" Zoro yells, slamming his mug down. Now he was in no mood to drink. Ugh. With Usopp acting suspicious, Nami acting overconfident, and generally, everything to do including Merry's condition– he just didn't feel at ease enough to drink now.
That sucked. The booze was good, too, what a waste.
"They're gonna winnnn! Easy!" Luffy assures with a grin.
Zoro hums, but he wasn't so sure either.
Yeah. Zoro's bad feeling was right.
"That was a stretch of the rules!" Itomimizu argues. "Interference from and between the crowd is fine, but you, a participant, cannot attack the audience!"
"You didn't say SHIT about that before we started!"
"It was in the rulebook!"
"You're just pulling that out of your ass!" Nami yells back, "Robin's been reading it and she doesn't see any of that rule anywhere!"
Beside her, Robin nods, flipping over a page.
"That is because she's reading an outdated version of the book!" Itomimizu whips out a huge rulebook from his bird's saddle or something. "This was released just a month ago, and right here–" flipping open the book to a bookmarked page, "rule #1103.5: during the race categories, the gallery may interfere in the race's proceedings as long as the damage is maintained in the race field. Any damage, including direct threats sustained by the audience, judges, and affiliate non-participants should only be inflicted by other audience, judges, and affiliate non-participants!"
Nami shrieks. "First of all, THAT IS LONG-WINDED! Second of all, fucking BULLSHIT!" she jabs her finger violently in his direction. "Come down here and talk to me like a fucking man, you sore loser!"
"Ahhh! Verbal violence! She's resorted to verbal abuse and name-calling now! She's such a hypocrite!" Well, Itomimizu was not going to come down from his bird anytime soon.
"WHO's a hypocrite?!"
Robin sighs. Sure enough, they'd retrieved this book from a flea market, so it made sense, in an annoying way, that this would be an outdated book.
"We've been outplayed," Zoro observes.
"Rule 1103.5? How many rules does it need?" Sanji says, incredulous. "This isn't fucking law school, what the hell."
They crossed the finish line first by a long shot, but apparently, attacking Foxy was a no-go, so they were disqualified.
Gin, exhausted and dead from having to literally hold a boat together for a couple hundred miles only to end up losing the race anyway, is currently splayed out, lifeless and facedown on the field. Anne was poking him with a stick.
Conis just deflated, looking incredibly upset, clutching Suu to her chest.
"Hold on now," Usopp says. " I'm the one that shot the Split-head bastard. So we obeyed the rules properly."
"Direct threats are counted as attacks as well," Itomimizu says. "Our boss would fine you for the mental strife he's had to go through. Look at him, he's traumatized now!"
Everyone turns to Foxy, who was actually trembling and sobbing into Porche's chest as the lady tries her best to console him, crying as well. "It's okay, boss! You're a strong man! We all believe in you!"
"...wimp," Wyper mutters.
Foxy sobs louder.
"Stop abusing our boss!!"
"Now I remember why I didn't want to land here," Usopp mutters.
Nami has her hands buried into her face in shame as Usopp glares in her general vicinity. "I underestimate his sheer annoyingness , I'm so sorry guys."
"No, this is plot convenience no matter how you look at it!" Sanji assures. "Are we seriously accepting this?! THIS?! This is injustice!"
"Well I mean, we're pirates," Zoro mutters. "Geez. All of you are just whining. Be like Luffy and shut up already."
At that, everyone did in fact keep quiet.
Because indeed– it was incredibly strange for Luffy to be so quiet.They turn to the captain– to see an uncharacteristically serious expression nailed onto his features. His brows are set firm in a frown, his fists balled.
"So this is the kind of fight we're in," Luffy mutters, annoyed. "It pisses me off, but I guess we lost this round."
Nami turns to him, stunned.
Luffy had accepted the loss? This stupid, irritational loss?
"What, you're not satisfied, Nami?" Luffy turns to her, and she jumps. He really was annoyingly observant in times like these. He pouts a little. "Well, we're the ones that started fighting dirty to begin with. No sense being mad when they win it playing dirty too, right?"
Nami had no words. No words at all.
But the crew looked at him– and no one knew what to say. Zoro and Gin looked over– and simply nodded. Sanji and Wyper looked away with a little click of the tongue, but they had nothing to say, either. Anne considers everyone's reactions first-- and decides to stay quiet as well.
Usopp frowns, and Robin looks aside– but Conis and Chopper were frazzled, looking around, not so sure if they should react.
"A- Are you sure, Luffy?" Chopper speaks up first. "It doesn't make sense! They're just twisting the situation in their favour and–"
"That's right– I'm sorry, but," Conis adds, "it just… it's an abuse of power! I don't think it's alright that we're settling this so one-sidedly."
Suu squeaks, flustered as well. There was no need to translate it here– she hated this, too, and by the way her tail was bristling, she was angry. Kinoko had already clawed out someone's face in the distance, starting her revenge spree in her little series of dangerous bird fury.
With a sigh, Luffy shoots an arm out, snags Kinoko back to their side, and secures her in his hands with a scowl.
"Chopper, Conis," Luffy says, and they both straighten. "And well, Suu and Kinoko, too."
Kinoko stills abruptly, spinning around to look at him at the use of her name.Luffy doesn't use that chiding tone often, much less against them in particular. But here, Luffy does, and he holds his hat warmly, speaking with experience.
"We're pirates. And they're pirates, too. We're not dealing with saints here– so it's not about being fair or not."
Their heads drooped, chastised– but they nodded.
In the world of pirates, there was no place to whine. If you choose to fight a war of technicalities, you can't complain when your stance falls short.Pirates are outlaws that gave up their right to a justified mode of law, after all.