Window open, concern swept my hair aside as I stared into the night. I was leaning half out, a soft drizzle bouncing off the roof and slowly seeping into my hair. Ichigo had left some time ago—probably to try and stop Rukia as I had once done. I could feel the barely-there flicker of her energy as she fled, distraught.
Now Kisuke was floating outside of my window while we spoke.
"I want to help," I was telling him.
He held his fan lower than usual, showing the small frown on his face. "Are you sure? Soul Society can be…" he trailed off.
"I know, Kisuke." I dropped his last name, making his eyebrows shoot up. "Please. I…I want to help Ichigo and Rukia." I could feel my eyes beginning to water, and I prayed that he wouldn't notice. I remembered how alone I had felt on this night so, so long ago. How devastated.
He sighed at this. "Koi…" He respected my new name. He looked like he wanted to say quite a few things, how dangerous it was, how I had only just come back. "I see." He resigned himself. "Come to my shop tonight. Stay away from the captain and his lieutenant," he warned me.
"Right," I answered. He moved to flash step away before I made an aborted motion to reach out. He stopped to look at me questioningly. I tried to play off my grab for his hand by resting my cheek in my hand.
"Be safe." I worried.
Not answering, he flash stepped away.
My heart clenched at his reaction after so many years of us being intertwined so tightly.
Go easy on yourself, Shiro gently told me.
X
I sat curled up into myself underneath a blanket in the very back corner of the farthest room in the shop while I waited for Kisuke, Yoruichi, and Ichigo to return. The soft steps of the rain on the roof mixed with Tessai's ever comforting vermillion tea created a calming atmosphere as I accepted that Ichigo was doomed to follow my steps.
X
"He was beaten up pretty bad," I observed. Kisuke sat across from me, Ichigo to our left. The young boy had been bandaged head to toe, blood seeping through the bandages from the actions of Captain Kuchiki and Lieutenant Abarai. He slept on the futon, a frown etched into his face.
He hummed in agreement. "Do you think he'll want to go after her?" he asked deceptively.
Ah, I remember this. I cradled my tea, pretending to think it over. How manipulative he was in the beginning…I wanted to put my hand on his, to assure him, of course we always go after our friends.
He's just worried about the Hogyoku, Shiro whispered to me.
"Yeah, he will. He'll do whatever it takes." I comforted him verbally instead.
He let the heavy answer hang in the air. "And you?"
I blinked in surprise. I hadn't considered what I would do. I can't deny that I miss the Seireitei…It had been my home for a very long time.
"I'll go too. She's one of us." I spoke slowly.
He nodded, fan flicking open as he tried to abate the heat permeating the house. "We'll need to train your powers then." A slight uneasiness bubbled in his gunpowder smoke screen that he kept tightly wrapped around himself. "Has anything new happened…between you and Isshin?" he delicately questioned the soft point.
I shrugged, a bit more brusquely than I intended. "I don't think things will go back to how they were." My teeth clicked as I spoke, my deeply rooted anger coming from my hollow instincts. He never even told me that he was a captain the first time around…!
Realizing that cobwebs were starting to gather on my fingers and my teacup, I made a disgusted sound as I wiped them away.
"Does that happen a lot?" Kisuke asked curiously, fan stilling.
"Often enough," I answered gruffly.
Not saying anything, he folded up his fan and stood.
"We can begin your training tomorrow," he told me casually.
"My training?" I looked up at him in surprise as he unilaterally decided.
"Yes. Tessai said that you brought a zanpakutou with you." My mouth popped closed at this. Nothing ever gets past Tessai. Unfair! I pouted internally. "We can take a look at it tomorrow. I want to see where you are," he explained.
Nodding dumbly, I watched him leave before curling up in the blankets on the futon Tessai had left for me in the corner.
I left the light on, my mind too active to remember to turn it off.
This might be very, very bad.
X
Kisuke stood across from me, looking at the blank asauchi in my hands. I felt dread drooping in me as I saw him recognize the black hilt of the full-length katana.
"Hmm. Can you release your shikai?" he asked me.
I shook my head no.
He lazily fanned himself. "Your brother and I are going to train here later today. Why don't you focus on your shikai until we've finished for the evening?"
"Right. I'll stay out of the way." I complied, going to sit closer to the ladder.
"Koi," he stopped me. I played with my zanpakutou somewhat, trying to balance it out of some kind of misguided aggression for my whole situation. "How long have you had that sword?"
I let my unnamed sword drop to my side, his subtle question making me shiver like I was on a cross hair.
"I got it overseas."
He hummed but didn't ask, likely recalling how I had avoided talking about America when I had come over previously.
X
Ichigo's training, just like mine had been, was bananas. Kisuke pushed him to the absolute limit by severing his soul chain, chasing him, and finally tricking him into the pit for the night. I watched it all from the sidelines, just as intrigued as Tessai and the kids.
"So how's your training coming along?" Kisuke asked me as I plopped down at the edge of the hole.
"Ehh…" I glanced back at him before dangling my sword over the edge in frustration. Ichigo gave an alarmed shout from a straight kilometer down.
"What? What is that!?"
I let go of it easily, staring at Kisuke as I did so.
"Ichigo!" I yelled down, turning away from Kisuke's surprised face. "Bring that back up when you come up!" I shouted down, cupping my mouth.
"Huh? What? Bring what—hey, what is that!" cued by a horrendous shriek. "Are you trying to kill me!"
"That's about how it's going." I tipped my head back, shaking my hair out and frowning.
"I don't think you should handle your zanpakutou like that…" Ururu gently said beside me.
I put a hand on her head. "Don't pay attention to me," I tried to console her.
X
After a peaceful dinner, I was preparing my futon for bed when there was a polite knock on my door.
"Come in," I called out.
T he door slid open, revealing Tessai. "Good evening," he greeted me. I returned it and was surprised when he sat down. "Koi…I wanted to discuss your zanpakutou with you."
I settled myself on my futon, letting my legs sprawl out in contrast to his rigid posture. I pulled the blanket over myself. "My zanpakutou?" I asked him.
"Yes. I don't think that you should have thrown it down the pit," he told me frankly.
I shifted awkwardly at his blatantness. "I know," I agreed. "I'm just so frustrated I don't know what to do. I've had it for years, and it still won't do anything," I stressed.
"You said you had it since you began college in America?" he asked me.
"Yes," I answered him, playing with my thumbs in an effort to downplay or distract the impact his words had on me. Maybe I was too harsh…
"May I…ask how you discovered your powers?" he asked me quietly, as if not to startle me.
"No. It's personal." I shook my hair out, effectively ending the conversation.
"I see. My apologies." He dipped his head before moving to leave.
As the door slid shut, I caught the pungent smell of gunpowder from the air shifting.
They're onto us, Shiro worried.
X
"Can I sit next to you?" I approached Kisuke the next day. He had taken up vigil on a nice flat-sitting rock just out of reach of the pit.
"Sure." He had foregone his fan in favor of another apple. His loud chewing reminded me of the late-night dinners that I would find him having occasionally when I stayed the night.
Food for thought, he had jokingly said.
Stepping around the growing pile of apple cores, I found a place on the rock next to him. Discreetly glancing down, I looked to make sure that we wouldn't touch despite our closeness.
"Thanks," I said, leaning forward and trying to invest myself in Jinta torturing my brother by spitting at him.
The screams emanating from the bottom of the pit made that easy.
Kisuke, for his part, did his best to keep his eyes off the hugging curves that my shihakusho betrayed.
"We could spar, if you like," he brought up after several minutes, making me look back in surprise.
His face looked unnaturally kept to me. He's hiding something. "We could. If I didn't dump my zanpakutou in there," I pointed out, foiling his plan.
D id we spar with him in the past? Shiro tried to remember.
No, he just watched us do kido. Oh, but our shikai, Kuroiha, I amended.
"Maaa, that was quite cruel. There are other ways to spar, you know!" he practically sang from next to me, brushing against me slightly as he tossed his apple core away and brought out the fan.
"Ha!" I laughed at him. "I don't think that's a good idea for a little woman like me." I tried to play him off.
"Isn't that all the more reason to practice?" he asked slowly, and I felt as though he was being cautious.
"That's true…" I answered. I don't think we should. He'll figure out that we're holding back, Shiro stressed. "But I think I'm fine on my own for now," I assured him. Taking a risk and trying to distract him, I put my hand over his and laid my head on his shoulder briefly. "Thank you for the offer."
He tensed under me obviously before gently removing himself. "I'm here if you decide to take me up on it!" he chirped, walking away.
I tried not to let it get to me.
X
Smoke erupted from where Ichigo stood, successfully now out of the pit. The scalding air was mostly blocked by Tessai, who had jumped in front me, Jinta, and Ururu. It had taken us by surprise from where Ururu had been braiding my hair. I had been stuck in my memories, unable to do anything.
I heard the sound of one blade being shoved into the earth, then the clack of another. Slowly, the smoke cleared.
Ichigo wore a plain white bone mask. It was attached, merged in with his skin. Just like mine had been.
His newfound powers were chasing around him, circling as a predator might. Just like mine had been.
When he reached up with his broken zanpakutou and smashed his mask, my stomach might as well have fallen to the bottom of that milelong pit next to us. It mirrors mine! I realized with a physical jolt.
Tessai, releasing us, went to shelter behind a rock with the kids as I stayed out in the open. "Lesson three…" Kisuke began, and I stared.
He was so playful, a sharp glint to his eyes that I was well familiar with. When he charged at Ichigo without forewarning, smiling at him gleefully, I felt something ugly twist inside me.
Jealousy, Shiro named helpfully as I watched Ichigo follow in my steps.
Cobwebs gathered around my still body, connecting me to the cool earth as my yellow warbler eyes observed the duo.
X
"Unstable?" Yoruichi questioned, licking her paw.
"Yes," Kisuke agreed. "I noticed some flickers while I was training Ichigo."
Shinji frowned. "You don't really expect that a human would be able to control an inner hollow on their own, do ya?" he asked harshly. "Idiot."
Kisuke waved his fan, contemplating.
Yoruichi hummed thoughtfully, making them both look toward her smaller sleek form. "Is she unstable or jealous?" An underlying mirth could be heard in her deep voice.
"Jealous?" Kisuke asked in surprise.
"A woman's intuition." With the flick of her tail, she flash stepped away, apparently done with the conversation.
X
My sword rested in my lap as I listened to the quiet around me. Ichigo had been sent home the previous day from his training to spend some time recovering before we left for the Seireitei, letting the dust settle silently. I had been focusing inside my inner world, feeling my way around my conscience, my first zanpakutou, and my hollow as I searched for a sign, anything, from my asauchi.
Diving into my inner world once again, I enjoyed the sensation of the free-flowing blackness that circled around me. The soul of my Kuroiha was particularly strong today. She was bending, twisting, dancing around me as if excited that I had returned after so long.
It was hard for me to tell if she had feelings, but I did occasionally feel as if she was trying to tell me something. My zanpakutou was not like the others that I had ever heard about. Instead, mine seemed to be an embodied idea that free-floated inside of me. Compared to the others that I had heard of, chimps and warriors and dolls, I was starting to wonder if I was the only person that had a power like this.
But either way, I was extremely happy to be able to call her mine. I was proud of my sword, and I was proud of our capabilities.
Listening in, Shiro give a cheeky laugh within the darkness but did not approach.
Squinting, I made motions to swim through Kuroiha but was unsure that I was actually making progress. Twisting around as I moved about, I desperately searched for a fourth entity among the three of us.
Looking to my left and behind my shoulder, I saw a small light that was neither me nor Shiro nor Kuroiha. Making a move toward it, it looked back at me before disappearing farther into my soul.
"Maybe it's shy?" Shiro asked, materializing next to me to comfort me by touching my hand.
" Maybe…" I agreed.
The fact that this fourth spirit was present at all was enough to make me feel light and excited for the rest of the day.
Deciding to leave it alone for now as it didn't seem to want to be bothered, I came back to the World of the Living slowly. Shaking my arms out to get rid of the numbness, I stood and bent my legs.
"Koi. I was hoping that you were still here." Tessai surprised me from behind. I guess meditating in one's inner world really does mess with their perception of the outer world.
"I'm sorry. I didn't realize that you were looking for me," I apologized. "Maybe there's something I can help you with in the shop?" I asked.
"I think Boss has the shop taken care of for now," he assured me. I tipped my head in question at this. "I know that you told Boss earlier that you did not want to train in hand-to-hand combat. I was thinking that I would train you in kido instead so that you might be able to defend yourself." He surprised me with this. I never interacted with him when I was in the past or even in my very first time in this go around, I realized.
"I don't know anything about kido. Well, beyond what Rukia used," I fibbed, hoping it was not too obvious. "Learning that seems like it would be really helpful. If you have the time and you're willing, I would appreciate it."
He seemed to light up at this. He must have been worried about our abilities since we're not training like Ichigo is, Shiro observed. This warmed the inside of my chest somewhat. Maybe I have been missing out by not being one of his friends? I wondered.
Tessai spoke confidently, his mastery of spells easily apparent. He started with the fundamentals before moving on to more complex topics, teaching me things that Kisuke hadn't ever mentioned. I could tell with the way that he talked and the diagrams that he drew that he was in his element. I felt like I was absorbing a good amount of new information from his explanations before the day drew to a close and we had to retire.
The next day we met down in the underground basement again. This time, however, he asked me to reproduce some of the simpler spells that he had instructed me on yesterday. "I would like you to do it on your own before I show you the correct way to do it. I think it would be a good starting point for the both of us," he told me.
I shifted, somewhat nervous at this. What do we do? Shiro asked. The second stretched on, getting a little awkward from my silence. Just as he opened his mouth to ask me what was wrong, I spoke over him. "Are spells common in Soul Society?" I asked him, trying to redirect a conversation.
"Oh, yes. They are taught in the academy starting in the first year and then students go all the way up until the fourth year, when they graduate, learning them. I think these days they're only required to learn the first 70, though," he explained.
I think I have the perfect way to avoid us accidentally revealing ourselves now, I assured Shiro. "Hey, Tessai, what can you tell me about the Soul Society?" I tried to ask the question with genuine curiosity. If we do a spell in front of Tessai, it'll be obvious we spent years perfecting our kido!
I watched as he adjusted his glasses at this question, probably realizing that I was trying to get out of practicing the spells. After a moment of internal debate, he spoke.
"Is there anything in particular you want to know? I lived there for quite a long time. The boss did too," he answered somewhat hesitantly.
Good job, Shiro relaxed.
X
I left the Shoten that night, returning home to the Kurosaki residence. After a quick shower and an even quicker dinner of leftovers, I found myself passing out from mental exhaustion on top of my bed and sheets.
The night tormented me. I dreamed of fire and plane wings and a man's deep voice.
"You no good Quincy mutt!"
Gasping, I immediately reeled in my presence from where it had leaked out. Isshin's voice was still ringing in my ears.
What the hell? I asked rhetorically. Those were memories, weren't they?
I could practically feel Shiro ringing her hands at the very idea.
But those weren't ours…she assured me. Right?
Feeling upset and confused, it was all I could do to go back to bed for the evening.
X
"Hello, Kisuke. Is something wrong?" The old plastic of the phone smelled suspiciously like spilled tea.
"Maa, can't I call my favorite student?" Kisuke asked. I could practically hear Ichigo swing his head around on the couch, hearing the exchange.
"Well, if you put it like that…" I laughed him off, turning around and sticking my tongue out at Ichigo. He frowned, looking ticked off, and Yuzu laughed at us.
"I was wondering if you would have time for tea today?" he asked.
I looked at the clock. Yeah, I could do some tea right now. "Only if you serve lunch too!" I teased.
I heard a small scuffle over the phone and some indistinct talking before he came back. "See you soon!" he told me abruptly before hanging up.
I made a face before I hung the wired home phone up on its wall holder. "What in the world was that…?" I wondered out loud, amused.
"Was that Urahara?" Ichigo asked, closing the magazine he had surreptitiously picked up when I answered the phone.
"Yeah. I'm going over for tea," I told him.
Yuzu pouted. "Huh? You've been gone for so long, Koi!" Her bottom lip warbled.
Karin put a hand on her shoulder. "Yuzu, she needs time to see her friends! Besides…" She gave me a knowing long look, likely assuming I had some kind of mystery going on. I made a face at the implications before throwing up my hands in a shrug and evacuating to the front door.
"Don't wait up for me for dinner," I shouted out, slipping my shoes on.
"Hey, Koi." I looked up at Ichigo who was now leaning on the wall by the stairs. "That Urahara guy…do you trust him?" His expression was worried, dark.
"With my life, Ichigo." There was a small question in my voice. "Do you not?" I asked.
"It's nothing." He waved me off, a distinct stubbornness on his brow, before going back upstairs.
I blinked after him. Was I that angsty as a teen?
Oh, you were much worse.
X
The Shoten was bustling with life. The kids were running around looking for baseball equipment, and Tessai looked like he had finally found his long-lost calling of being an umpire.
"Looking good, Tessai," I smarted as soon as he let me in.
"Thank you." He adjusted his glasses, playing the part well.
"Why don't we go in here? It'll be quieter." Kisuke waved me into the back room as I avoided Jinta steamrolling through the front of the shop.
"Sounds good to me." I couldn't help but smile at the kids' happy energy.
Settling down, Kisuke slid the thin paper door shut. It blocked out a surprising amount of the rambunctious noise. I poured us both tea, partially to be polite and partially because I wanted to inspect if Kisuke had prepared it himself.
Oh, good. I noticed a distinct lack of black chunks. Tessai prepared this.
Taking a fork, I poked at the small sliced fruit bowl between us. "May I?" I asked before helping myself. Yuzu hadn't managed to snag any discounted fruit from the store this week.
"Please, go ahead." He seemed slightly put off by the fact I poured his tea, and I mentally cursed myself. Oops.
Finishing my bite, I spoke. "I didn't think that you would ever ask me out on a social call," I teased him. I could feel my familiarity with him pulling at my very bones.
It was a shame that he brought out his fan and hid behind it. I wanted to snap it in half.
" You don't expect much of me." He laughed, playing it off. I returned his humor and waited for him to continue. "Actually…I brought you here to discuss your hollow." My fork froze as I went to spear a peach chunk. My eyes flicked up to him.
He took in my changed demeanor with a poker face. "I noticed it came out when I was training with Ichigo. Did you lose control?" he asked me bluntly. His fan stilled from the lazy back and forth it had worked on.
I resisted the urge to play with my hands or fidget as I debated whether to lie. "Hmm. Kind of, I guess," I decided. He won't trust me if I keep lying to him.
"What do you mean?" he questioned, fan curling around his face.
He's curious, Shiro warned.
He's always curious, I corrected.
"We work together," I elaborated, making his eyebrows shoot up.
"Work together…?" I could imagine his mouth dropping open behind his white social shield.
I nodded. "We've been together a long time. There's no use in fighting since we have the same goals." How long ago was it that we fought…? I tried to recall.
The first time. Our original timeline, she supplied.
"And those goals are…?" he questioned, voice dropping as he considered the lethality of us.
"We want to live." I couldn't keep the frustration out of my voice. "And we mostly enjoy the same things."
Do you…want to show him?
She shifted unsurely.
"The same things?" he echoed like a broken record. Suddenly remembering himself, he asked, "And when you don't? When you don't get along?" I could hear his scientist side wanting to overwhelm the conversation.
Yeah. I want to show him.
I felt her slip out of my body, her inner voice leaving my head and taking up next to me instead. Our hands intertwined, and we pushed into each other to prove the point further.
"We just do this," Shiro answered. "It can give us some much-needed time apart." She looked at me fondly, and I easily returned it.
Kisuke had dropped his fan into his lap, his hands folded loosely. His right index finger twitched. He wants to write notes down. I looked at her as we spoke mentally.
She looked back and chuckled. Maybe he really is the Kisuke we know.
"Are you two communicating?" He sounded incredulous.
"Yes." "Yes." We answered simultaneously.
"There's really nothing to worry about, Kisuke." I tried to assure him as I saw him look toward Benihime, who innocuously rested in the corner as a cane. His eyes turned back to me, and I saw the inner conflict.
We might be scaring him…I pulled at her hands, and she easily dissipated back into me. Kisuke seemed to relax minutely at this.
I watched as he tried to pull himself back together. He coughed down into his fist, hiding his expression, before picking his fan back up.
"Who else knows?" It began to wave lazily despite a tiny, tiny tremor that no one but Shiro and I would notice.
"No one," I answered truthfully.
"I see."
I don't think you do, Shiro chided.
He sighed before giving up and folding his fan up, placing it on the table. "When did this happen?" He looked me in the eyes, and I could see the same pain that he had shown when I first returned from college.
Wait…when I first returned?
I pushed the troubling not-memory away.
"At college." He stared at me. "My second year." I felt forced to narrow it down.
"It just…happened?" he postulated.
"Yeah. We were having a disagreement and…" I threw my hands up.
Do you think Muramasa exists here? Shiro asked innocently.
I hadn't thought about him in years. I don't like to think about someone that should be here not being here. I warned uneasily, the implications reaching up and into my hair like spider legs.
Breathing deeply, Kisuke sighed. "I see." Plans were being reworked in his head. I could see the chalkboard dust flying out of his ears. "I was going to send you to Shinji, but…you might do more good for him than he for you." He was almost speaking to himself.
Shinji…I remembered our last interaction. It had left me with conflicted, confused feelings.
" I'm not sure we'll get along," I confessed, hands curling around my cup.
"Hm? Why's that?" he asked, hat hiding his eyes as he adjusted it.
"Well…" Explaining the incident with the ice cream as best I could, he nodded along.
"Koi," he started, voice more sure now. I tucked my chin as dahlias bloomed in my cheeks. "You've managed to control your inner hollow. I think if anyone can think of a way to get along with Shinji Hirako, you can." I stopped myself from jumping when he put a hand over mine.
"Not control," I corrected him.
"Hm?" he asked, standing and letting go of my hand.
I took that to mean it was time to leave. "I don't control her, Kisuke," I corrected as I stood and walked through the shop. The smells of the different candies made my mouth water. "If she really wanted to do something, I'd let her," I told him.
"Even if she wanted to hurt someone?" he pressed, a discreet undercurrent of worry in his tone.
"She'd never want to hurt anyone," I admonished him.
"Of course," he agreed, and the fan came out again as I opened the main doors to the shop.
I paused in the entryway. "Kisuke," I half turned back to look at him. The now setting sun lit a flaming path over his green haori, glinting off the jars of candies brilliantly.
"Yes?" he asked, fanning himself.
"You could call me every now and then for a social call, if you want," I gently suggested, glancing him up and down.
Through my lower angle because of our height difference, I saw his eyebrows shoot up momentarily.
"Ahh. I'll think about it," he promised, clearly understanding the hidden, more sensual meaning. I couldn't read what he was feeling. Damn that poker face.
I half smiled, waved, and walked away.
The thin doors slid shut behind me.
Note:
Thank you for the comment. That is very kind of you. Thank you to all my readers as well. You are all very kind. Happy days.