Merlin didn't even know what to think, even in his worry before he hadn't thought this would happen. Just a complete shit show, and for what? Because of what? Merlin hadn't even spoken three words to Arthur's parents, it was all just because of Merlin's age. Why did it matter so much? Why did his age matter at all? Well, of course...Merlin knew why it mattered. He really did.
Arthur came into the kitchen then, looking pale. He stopped in front of Merlin and just stared at him . Merlin looked up at him, crying still. Arthur looked like he didn't know what to do, or to say, he hadn't obviously expected for it to go so poorly either. Had it even really gone poorly? Ygraine was nice to Merlin, but probably more out of guilt than anything else. No, it had gone very badly. Very badly for one reason alone...
"I'm tired of everyone thinking I am just your midlife crises," said Merlin, voice all soggy and wet, along with his cheeks from crying. Arthur only stared at him still. He remembered when Jen had said this, back before the two were married, he had found it amusing then. When he was still against Arthur. But now, he realized it only made Merlin look bad. Not Arthur.
"You're not," said Arthur then, stepping forward and touching Merlin's shoulders with his hands. As if he was about to give him a pep talk or something, but didn't. He just stood there, and when Merlin started crying harder, as he really thought about it. Arthur's hands ran up and down his arms, trying to clam him down, but it didn't work.
"No, I'm not," cried Merlin. "I'm worse than that, I'm your lie! I'm your God damn golden ticket!"
"No," said Arthur, but how could he deny it? It was true, and he knew it was true.
"I don't mean anything to you," said Merlin now shaking his head. He wanted to push Arthur away from him, but he didn't. For some odd reason, but mostly because he didn't have the engery anymore. "I'm just some twink...that's what they all think of me. And they're right. that's all I am...just some twink, but instead of sex, you're using me for papers."
"Stop talking like that," Arthur told him. "You're not just some twink."
"YES I AM!" shouted Merlin then and he honestly didn't know why he was reacting like this, it wasn't as if he hadn't known this was true before he had even married Arthur in the first place. He had known this the entire time. "You don't love me..." Arthur's mouth opened and closed a few times and Merlin held up a hand to stop him from talking, even though Arthur was still touching him. Which made it a bit difficult. "That wasn't a question, it's a fact." Arthur shook his head, but he couldn't really deny that either. They didn't love each other, they both knew it. Merlin sighed. "I must look like such a fool to everyone, to them I am just some phase you are going through...and they'll be right, in a few years when we 'breakup,' you'll go back to normal and I'll just be a mistake you made."
"For Christ's sake, Merlin, you're not a mistake," said Arthur, almost sounding angry now. Maybe at Merlin, maybe at himself. "They don't know, no one does, they don't have a right to know. It's no one's business but ours!"
"But that's the way it will look..." he trailed off and finally tried to push Arthur off of him, but Arthur didn't let go. "That's the way it has to look..." He tried to push Arthur off again, but instead Arthur yanked him forward and pulled him into a hug. Merlin wasn't really sure why, they didn't normally hug or touch really at all, Gwen wouldn't approve of it. But she wasn't there and he didn't fight it either. "You're a straight man, Arthur," he said now, into Arthur's shoulder. "Who suddenly, out of nowhere, married a man fourteen years younger than you and in a few years you will divorce him, and marry his sister...how does that sound to you?"
"It sounds like I am an asshole," said Arthur.
"Well...yes, but I've always said that," said Merlin now. He wasn't trying to be funny and he really was very upset at this moment, but he couldn't pass up that opportunity to tease him. Arthur poked him in the ribs, even as they still hugged.
"I was trying to confront you, bitch," retorted Arthur in Merlin's ear and he laughed a little bit at this. But sniffed and didn't let go of Arthur all the same. Arthur didn't let go either. "How can I make it better? How can I make it so you don't feel this way?"
"You can't," Merlin told him. "It isn't your fault. I knew what I was doing, I agreed to this. I just never realized how badly it would hurt knowing I look so pathetic to everyone else."
"Is there any point in telling you that you are so far from all that to me?" asked Arthur. "Is there a point in saying I think you're brave and the kindest person I've ever met? That I would've never done any of this for my sister...?"
"There isn't a point," said Merlin then, and he refused to cry anymore. There was nothing he could do about it now anyway. He was just going to have to deal with it when the time came. Whenever the time came. He pushed back from Arthur and smirked at him. "So, don't try it."
Arthur rolled his eyes. "How about...lunch?" he offered then. "Lunch fixes everything."
Merlin had to agree there, so he nodded and Arthur let go of him fully, finally.
(A/N: Yes, this is a very short chapter. It was actually supposed to be part of the last chapter, but I decided to break it in half. The next one will be longer. I hope you liked it...)
