Gwen was pissed, to say the very least. Pissed didn't come close to how...irate Gwen truly was. So livid that her eyes had changed color from brown to black at some point and she was pointing viciously between Merlin and Arthur as if they were bad children about to be hung by their toes for their crimes against humanity.

"It makes no sense why I shouldn't be able to go!" she was shouting at them. Merlin looked over at Arthur for help, but a fat load of help he was. He just stood there, eyes bugged out and his mouth doing this strange sort of pouting thing. And to think, all Merlin had said was that Gwen shouldn't go to this week's dinner at Merlin's family home. So Merlin and Arthur could pretend to be more in love and his mother would stop losing her shit everywhere. Gwen gets it from Huntih, honestly.

"I just don't think it's a good idea, you always come," said Merlin, slowly. Because Arthur was still not being any help. "They're going to think it's weird soon enough and...this time we kinda have to be...you know, more touchy. It would feel weird if you were there watching us."

"Why should that be weird?" shouted Gwen. "It's all pretend, we all know that!"

"Guinevere, please," said Arthur finally. "I wouldn't feel right with you there. It is nothing against you at all, we're trying to respect you."

"By casting me away and behaving like whores behind my back?!" she screamed, her voice was so shrill and high pitched it honestly hurt Merlin's ears.

"No one is going to be behaving like a whore," said Arthur, a bit more forceful this time. "You need to clam down, it is important for us to do this and for Merlin's parents to believe we are really in love. Otherwise, this has all been for nothing."

It was pretty obvious what Arthur was saying, If John K, the utter bastard, talked to Hunith and she said anything about her not thinking they could really be in love, then Arthur may as well pack his stuff and leave now. And all of this would really have been for nothing. It was what Gwen seemed to have forgotten recently. Merlin wasn't married to her boyfriend because he wanted to be, it had to happen so Arthur could stay here...with her. She sighed then and folded her arms over her chest.

"Fine!" she said, voice still a little louder than if she were just talking. Arthur smiled at her and stepped forward, apparently no longer afraid of her, he pulled her into a hug. "One rule though," she said, as she did hug Arthur back, rather tightly Merlin noticed. Another showing of dominance to Merlin, and her eyes had even flashed to him, before she said her one rule. "Don't kiss..."

"I had no intentions of it," said Arthur, as he let her go and headed for the door. "We shouldn't be very late. Feel free to make yourself comfortable," he said, and then winked at his girlfriend. Merlin pulled a face though no one was looking at him. And then Arthur walked out of the house. Merlin made to follow, but Gwen grabbed his arm and pulled him back, glaring daggers at him.

"I'm warning you," she told him, her voice dark and not at all like his sister's. At least not the way it used to be. "Don't try anything with him."

He forced her grip off of his arm and took several steps away. "I'm not going to," he said, with an air of annoyance in his tone. He grew tired of this, he was tired of telling her he wouldn't do it, because he still wouldn't, but she didn't seem to care. She still didn't trust him and at this point that was her problem, not his. She was the insecure one, not him. He could only do so much, none of this was his fault. He had not asked for this to happen, in fact he was told to do it...by her, as a favor, as a brotherly thing to do. Now, here she was blaming him and acting like he was trying to take Arthur from her. He was not, simple as that. He was not.

Merlin left then, went outside and got into the car with Arthur. Who already seemed to know something had been said, maybe by Merlin's annoyed look or the fact that his lips were so pursed he might have just eaten a lemon. "What did she say?" he asked, as he pulled out of his long drive way and started down the road. Merlin didn't answer right away, he was too irritated.

"Oh, just her usual warning of not to do anything with you..."

"I don't understand why, and why she doesn't say anything to me."

"Because she wants you to think the world of her..." said Merlin. "Until she gets pissed off."

"She goes to work for hours, we're alone then. If we wanted to do anything, we would do it," said Arthur. Merlin looked over, and shrugged a shoulder.

"Don't tell her that, she might quit her job."

Arthur laughed at this and turned down a road that would lead to another road, which is where Merlin's family home was. "I still don't understand why she doesn't trust us...when did we give her any reason not to? For fuck's sake...this was her idea!"

"Because this was a much more attractive thought to her when she thought we didn't like each other," said Merlin, rather off handed but still with a bit of a point to his words. "Now that we actually may be friends...it drives her insane."

"Are we?" asked Arthur then, as he pulled onto the street Merlin grew up on. Merlin had been looking out at the passing buildings for the last few minutes, but he looked back at him now. "Are we friends? Have we gotten there?"

"I'd like to think so..."

Arthur nodded and pulled parallel at the front of Merlin's house, and shut off the car. He did all this, but didn't budge from the seat. "How are we going to go about this then?"

Merlin shrugged. "I don't know...don't really know how to act in love with someone. I mean, I suppose I do but...normally all the lovey-dovey shit just comes natural at those times." Arthur huffed and nodded his head.

"I suppose I could treat you like I do Gwen..."

"No, please don't," said Merlin then and Arthur laughed again. "We can't go too hard anyway, let it be just a touch noticeable not too much or they might think we're faking."

"We are faking," commented Arthur.

"Right, well...I don't know what to do."

"Let's just..." said Arthur, slowly. "Be natural and see what happens."

They agreed on this. Whatever that meant, to be natural, and they got out of the car and walked inside. Upon getting into the house, they were greeted by Merlin's parents right away, his mother had been coming from upstairs and his father from the kitchen. An odd turn of events, as it was usually opposite. However, they both greeted them as usual. Hunith hugged both Merlin and Arthur, while Balinor patted Merlin on the back like normal, but only kind of just stared at Arthur...not entirely sure how to greet him. Which, was also kind of normal, if Merlin was being honest.

"I've made a treat for you, Merlin," said his dad after their greetings and hello's and Merlin looked over to him, with wide eyes. Oh no. "Ranch Potatoes!"

"Ooh..." said Merlin and he plastered on a fake smile. "My favorite!"

"Your father has been in the kitchen all afternoon making his potatoes," said Hunith, with kindness in her voice, but openly rolled her eyes and pulled a degusted face. Balinor saw neither. Hunith then noticed the heavy amounts of flown potato both on Balinor's shirt and in his rather long, black beard. "Oh my God, were you rolling in potato? Go upstairs and change!"

"Why?" asked Balinor. "We're just gonna be eating..."

"Come on, stairs right now and clean up, we have guests!"

"Its our son, you gave birth to him..."

"Arthur is here, too!" argued Hunith and the face Balinor made, it took so much effort to look disgruntled by this fact, that in that time Hunith was able to drag him toward the stairs. "Make your way into the kitchen, boys. We'll be back in a tick."

They disappeared onto the second floor and Merlin looked over at Arthur, who did not look very pleased at all. He looked over once Merlin had and he frowned. "If I ever go missing it's probably your father who's killed me," he said and Merlin smiled.

"Me or my dad...life looks grim for you, Mate." Arthur gave him a dirty look for this and pinched him in the side, like he usually did for just...some reason, though it normally was because Merlin was being annoying again. Merlin decided to take pity on him after this. "You know how you can get my dad to love you?" he asked and Arthur just continued to look at him. "Like his ranch potatoes."

"What the fuck are ranch potatoes?"

"Oh, you'll see..." said Merlin, and he let the ominousness set into Arthur, as he grabbed him by the hand and pulled him into the kitchen. Sitting on the counter, in a lid-covered, large silver pot, the ranch potatoes. He dragged Arthur over and pulled off the lid. They were steaming and very wet today. The smell of something sour waft in the air. Arthur stared at the lumpy wet flakes of both white and green stuff with utter fear. Merlin grinned. "Ranch potatoes, basically...just potato, sour cream and a ranch seasoning packet. My dad's special creation, he made it up in Uni."

"When he was on an acid trip..." said Arthur and Merlin nodded, with a keen smile. He grabbed a spoon from off the counter and dug up a hefty bite for Arthur. "Mm...no, I am not putting that in my mouth."

"Oh, don't be such a prissy prat," said Merlin then, waving the spoon in Arthur's face, trying to tempt his lips open. "Do you want my dad to like you or not?"

Arthur rolled his eyes and opened his mouth. Merlin dropped the wad of mashedness into his mouth and waited. Arthur tasted it and tasted it, and Merlin watched amused. It was about the time that Arthur had nearly swallowed it when he pulled the face Merlin understood very well. The sourness was sinking in, the wrongness. What was this abnormal, grimy, tart flavor? It didn't even taste like potatoes. This was all evident in Arthur's eyes as he hardly got it down and then proceeded to make chocking sounds after.

"That's fucking disgusting!" announced Arthur loudly and Merlin, amused more than he had ever possibly been in his whole life, slapped Arthur on the arm.

"Hey, don't insult the ranch potatoes!" said Merlin. "They're a family heirloom!"

"They're rancid!"

"But you love them though, right?" said Merlin, with raised eyebrows and a smirk plastered on his face. "They're the best potatoes you've ever had? You're gonna do them at home, for your loving husband who loves them so much...?"

Arthur stared at Merlin for several seconds, looking somewhere between alarmed and irritated and then he shook his head. "I think I want a devoice."

Merlin also found that amusing, because he knew Arthur was just saying that to be a prick. "Okay...eat this pot of potatoes and I'll give you one."

Arthur rolled his eyes and smacked his lips, while shrugging and muttered, "Suppose we'll just have to stay married then."

"Wow...thank you, it's what I've always wanted," Merlin retorted, and then took the same spoon as before and scooped another large mouthful of potatoes onto it. "Come on, have another bite...the second time is even better."

"No," countered Arthur. Merlin continued to wave the spoon in front of Arthur's face for a good three seconds after that, after this Arthur spoke again. "You eat them, since you love them so much."

"Aw, come on..." said Merlin, teasing the potatoes in Arthur's face again. "It's so good, you'll love it, I promise...it wasn't great the first time but it will be now. So moist and creamy...come on, Arthur. Do it!"

"No," said Arthur again, now trying to pry the spoon out of Merlin's hands, but he wouldn't let it go. "Tell me," Arthur continued, as they both struggled for the spoon. "Is this how you convince men to sleep with you?"

This took Merlin aback for a moment, he was stunned into letting the spoon go and his mouth fell open just enough. With the spoon now in Arthur's hands, he shoved the spoon full of nastiness right into Merlin's mouth. Mouth now full of potato, Merlin could only make out words that sounded like "Muuur!" But in truth he was calling Arthur a son of a bitch and a bastard all at the same time. Merlin ignored the taste, too offended right now to care as he lunged forward and grabbed at Arthur's arms. "MUUUR!"

Arthur laughed at this, laughed very hard in fact. As he grabbed Merlin's hands from trying to punch him in the face. "You know I was joking..." he said, as he forced Merlin's fists open and interlocked their fingers. Merlin was not entirely sure why he did this, but he also didn't ask. Instead, Merlin only pouted and continued to chock down ranch potatoes. "Come on...don't be like that." said Arthur still and Merlin only stared at him. Arthur smile, a keen sort of smile. "I mean...creamy and moist, might attract some men."

"Shut up," said Merlin, still pouting and trying very hard to continue to look as annoyed. But Arthur continued to smile.

"What's that thing you always say to me?" he retorted. "Make me...?"

Merlin glared at him for a long time, while Arthur grinned at him. And neither of them were paying attention to what was around them, or who rather. Right when Merlin was about to say something snotty, someone cleared their throat and Merlin turned around to be met by his parents. Who were both staring. But this was what they wanted, right? It certainty looked romantic, unless they had heard any of the bullshit the two of them had just spewed at each other. Arthur let go. After, Merlin said the only thing that came to his mind.

"Arthur loves the potatoes!"

Arthur nodded along. "Best I've ever had..."


(A/N: This is such a dumb chapter, but it has a certain charm to it I guess. And it was made in inspiration to the fact that I actually tried making ranch potatoes once, and they were the worst things ever. It sounds like it could work...but it doesn't. Either way, yes I am back from my busy life for just one moment to offer another lukewarm update. Enjoy!)