**This Story Contains Tcest**
Pairings: Raphael/Donatello, Leonardo/Michelangelo, Raphael/Michelangelo, Michelangelo/Donatello, Leonardo/Donatello
Info: Alternate Universe, Royalty, Elemental Magic, Action/Adventure, Romance

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NOTE: A portion of this chapter has been cut because it exceeds the rating limitations of FFN.

To read this chapter in full please go to AO3 and read it there!

archiveofourown DOT org/works/27532348/chapters/78784276

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Chapter Eight: Escape These Doubts

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Donatello's heart was racing, pounding in his throat like it was trying to burst free from his body to escape the disappointment and pain and abandon him to his misery.

Every scenario, every fantasy, every afternoon daydream he'd ever had about this day seemed like childish fairytales now compared to the reality of the hatred burning in Leonardo's eyes. He didn't want to believe that's what he'd seen, every cell in his body rejected the memory of it like he would disintegrate and blow away on the wind if he dared to accept the truth. But how could he deny it now that he was wilting under the power of it?

They would never trust him. Whatever lies they had been told, whatever tales had been spun, he would always be the ghost haunting their nightmares, waiting to strike them down from the shadows.

He had always been alone. Now he truly felt it.

Wanting to go home but knowing he could only go as far as the river, he decided that would have to be good enough. At least the water was safe and welcoming, and anyway, he didn't need them when he had the serene quiet of the night to keep him company. He slipped beneath the surface, allowing the comfort of his element to completely enfold him in its soothing flow. Opting to swim back out to the flat rock under the willow branches, he took his time, waiting for the water to calm his nerves.

There was a channel that ran around the base of the stone, creating a pool deep enough to submerge in. He dove down to the sandy bottom, digging his toes into the silt, hovering in the murky depth where he waited for the silence and the dark to steady him before he resurfaced and pulled himself up onto the rocky edge, leaving his legs dangling over the side so he could stay connected to the water.

He sat staring into the dark liquid for half an hour, maybe more, lost in his own thoughts, wondering what he was going to do. The trials lasted for days and days, sometimes weeks. The longest on record, some two hundred years ago, was said to have gone on for a month and a half. It all depended on the participants and how well they were able to work together to complete the tasks given to them. It was supposed to be that simple, but right now he felt like they would be trapped in these woods with each other for the rest of their lives.

Would the elemental spirits eventually tell them to go home if it became obvious they would never be able to come together successfully? Perhaps the spirits would kill them if they couldn't prove their abilities worked as a team. He didn't know, but he supposed there was always a first time for everything.

His mind was lost in those dark thoughts, hating how plausible they sounded, when he heard the soft sound of a throat clearing from near the shore. He didn't have to look to know who it was, but it still took him a minute before he turned his head.

Michelangelo stood there, smiling warmly, holding two steaming bowls in his hands.

"Hungry? Didn't want it to go to waste."

Don's stomach was grumbling before Mikey even finished the sentence, but he still waited before responding, doubt making him wonder if the offer was genuine. Would they try to hurt him? Maybe poison him with the food? That would probably be the easiest way to get rid of him, if they decided they wanted to.

Immediately he felt guilty for even thinking such a thing, there was only kindness in Michelangelo's eyes and somehow Don was sure they were all too honorable to try anything so underhanded.

There was no point in continuing the fight on an empty stomach, at least. So, he took a breath and stretched out his hand, making a flicking motion while curling his fingers. Two funnels of water rose from the surface of the river and Don held them still right in front of Mikey. The prince of earth grinned like he had just been handed a new toy and gently placed the bowls, one on top of each funnel.

Don brought the food over to his place on the rock as Mikey waded into the water, hissing through his teeth before quickly diving in.

A moment later he popped back up, clambering onto the rock and splashing Don with droplets as he shook and rubbed his arms. "Geez, this water is freezing! Aren't you cold?"

Don looked down at where his legs disappeared beneath the surface and frowned. He'd never really thought about it before.

"Water is always warm to me." He replied quietly.

Mikey smiled. "Yeah, I guess it would be huh? Just like fire doesn't burn Raph when he touches it."

Don acknowledged the statement with a curious look. "Really? Yes... it makes sense that the three of you would also... I've always assumed that we all have a certain level of immunity when it comes to our own elements, in the way that, for me, water is always tepid, and I don't really need to hold my breath when I'm submerged. Though it's not fool proof, I can drown... eventually, it just takes a lot longer. In fact, I almost did once. Drown, I mean. I was testing to see how long I could stay underwater, and April, my advisor, ended up having to jump in after me. She was panicked and wouldn't stop scolding me for scaring her as she dragged me out of the water, but as I lay on the shore that day, I realized that inevitably the lack of oxygen most likely would have killed me, but I felt no burning in my lungs or any desperate need to take a breath, the water had supported me so comfortably that I had very nearly fallen asleep..."

He cut himself off mid-sentence when he looked up to find Mikey watching him, wide eyed with patient amusement twitching at the corners of his mouth.

"Oh... I'm sorry, I was rambling..."

"Don't apologize," Mikey chuckled. "That was adorable."

The blush creeping up Don's neck would have been embarrassing if the shivering clack of Michelangelo's teeth as he bent over trying to squeeze the icy water from his pant legs hadn't immediately caught his attention.

With a sympathetic look he turned slightly to face Michelangelo and raised both his hands. With a few quick flicks of his fingers, he pulled the water from Mikey's clothes. A moment later the earth prince was dry and at least a little warmer than he had been.

"Thanks." Mikey whispered.

They picked up the still steaming bowls of food, not speaking while they ate. It didn't surprise him that Mikey was there with a peace offering. The prince of earth seemed to be the only one of them interested in treating him with any amount of decency. But was it an honest wish to include him that kept Mikey smiling at him like that, or were there ulterior motives at play he had yet to discover?

"I'm sorry... about what happened back there." Mikey offered after a while, chewing on his last bite. "I should've said something or gone with you guys. I just... I really didn't expect Leo to just lay into you like that."

A part of Don desperately hoped that was true, but he was still on his guard from before and couldn't help the lingering suspicion he felt, so he chose not to respond, waiting to see what else Michelangelo wanted to say.

"Leo told us the things you said to him and, for what it's worth, I believe you. About your grandfather."

"Why?" Don murmured after a pause, watching Mikey closely from the corner of his eye.

"Well, I guess because I always try to see the best in people." Mikey replied, setting down their empty bowls behind him. "I want to believe that you're a good person, because that's always how I've imagined you'd be. And I refuse to think that a good person would use the death of their mother as some kind of chess piece in a secret assassination plot."

Don held his breath and looked down at his knees. He so badly wanted to believe that Michelangelo was being genuine, getting through this would be much easier with at least one ally.

"I'm sorry about your mother, too. That must have been hard."

Mikey's voice was quiet, but Don could hear the sincerity, weighted by pain for what Donatello had lost. In that moment Don realized just how ridiculous he was being. Michelangelo was exactly what he appeared to be. From the moment they met he had been nothing but open and honest and accepting. And even if there was still some underlying agenda motivating all this, he couldn't afford to let it continue to separate them. Don knew that in order to succeed he would need to get comfortable with taking risks.

"Thank you." Don offered with nervous smile. "Did they send you over here to check on me because you're the most agreeable one?"

"Heh, maybe." Michelangelo proudly smirked, "You really shouldn't let Leo get to you like that though. He can be intense, but it's only because he gets uncomfortable in situations he can't control. He doesn't like the unknown, and you are a pretty big unknown."

"I definitely wasn't expecting such... hostility."

"He was just agitated because you were being kinda cagey. Not that I blame you for that at all!" Mikey was quick to clarify. "I know I didn't expect you to vomit out your entire life story on the first night, and I really doubt Leo did either, no matter what he said. It's funny, he usually only uses that tone of voice when he's talking to Raph."

Raphael. The prince of fire had barely uttered three words the entire night and Don didn't know what to think about him. He knew what he felt, but that was just as confusing.

"What did he have to say about all this? Raphael, I mean." Don finally asked. "I haven't been able to get a very good impression. He's kind of hard to read."

"Raph's a big grump, but he's harmless. To the people he likes anyway." Michelangelo answered with amusement. "He can be difficult, and he doesn't open up very easily, but... once he decides he trusts you, you kinda become the center of his world."

"I'm not very good at this." Don admitted with a defeated sigh. "I'm not good at getting to know people. I spend so much of my time alone."

The earth prince gave him a pained look. "I guess... I never really thought about it that way. We knew you weren't there, and we've never understood why, but... at least the three of us have always had each other."

Don kept his eyes on the river, afraid if he looked at Michelangelo then he might not be able to control the emotion tightening his throat. Had they really thought about him? Noticed his absence when they were together? The only thing Don had ever learned about them was their names, and sure he had thought about them occasionally, but there were so many other things occupying his time on a daily basis that it wasn't until the last couple of years that he really started to feel like maybe he was missing something.

"Did... did you ever read any of my letters?"

The tentative question broke through Don's thoughts, and he frowned, shaking his head slightly with confusion. Michelangelo just smiled and shrugged.

"When I was around sixteen or so, I started writing to you, every month. Just silly stuff. Funny things Raph did, or something Leo taught me that I didn't know before. I would just write and tell you about my day, or about things the others were dealing with, and I always made sure to tell you about the official ceremonies we were forced to suffer through and how lucky you were that you got to skip them." He laughed, giving Don a pointed look that couldn't be mistaken for anything but good-natured teasing, but after a second his smile faded. "And even though you never wrote back, I still kept writing them... maybe that was dumb..."

Almost without thinking, Don reached out and laid his hand lightly over Mikey's and after only a second the earth prince eagerly twisted their fingers together, squeezing tightly.

The revelation broke his heart and Don shook his head a little, realizing the truth. "My father... he ordered our postmaster to burn every incoming correspondence from all the royal and noble families outside of Varuna. I never saw your letters. I'm sorry."

Michelangelo nodded. "I figured it was something like that, and that's better than finding out you were just ignoring me. I guess I just... wanted you to know we were thinking about you and that you not being there was something we all felt and wished was different."

Don blinked away the sudden moisture in his eyes. "Thank you. I wish I could have read them all, and I wish I could have been there."

Mikey shrugged off the emotion and flashed a winning grin, releasing Don's fingers to lean back on his hands, looking up at the stars through the swaying willow branches.

"The way I see it, if the three of us are still alive come morning, then I'll think it's safe to say you weren't sent here to kill us. You just leave Leo to me. I know how to talk to him, I mean I don't know if it's obvious, but I can be pretty persuasive."

The wink that the prince of earth graced him with was enough to allow Don to genuinely think that at least Mikey would be his friend, and that was enough for now.

He responded with an apologetic grimace. "I shouldn't have lost my temper. I failed to look at tonight from outside my own perspective. Trust needs to be earned, and I'm the outsider here. I'll do better tomorrow, I promise."

Leaning over, Mikey bumped his shoulder against Don's. "Don't worry about it. That's all any of us can do, be a little bit better every day. I have a good feeling about these next couple of weeks, and call me crazy but, I think everything's going to work out just fine."

Mikey moved to the edge of the rock, hesitating before sliding back into the icy water. He looked back at Don with a flirtatious glint in his eye. "If you get cold tonight, you know where my tent is."

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The musical sound of Donatello's embarrassed laugh lingered in Michelangelo's ears all the way back to the fire where he stood as close to the flames as he could get, trying to soak in the heat as quickly as possible. A good-sized puddle was forming at his feet and he knew he should just go to his tent and change, but there was something else on his mind far more important than wet clothes.

Raphael was glaring at him from across the fire. Mikey managed to ignore the accusation in the prince of fire's eyes for only a few minutes before he finally sighed and turned his head.

Raphael cocked an eye ridge at him. "Told ya' he was gonna do somethin'."

"Yeah, ok. You were right." Mikey grudgingly agreed. "Did he say anything while I was gone?"

"No. Took off for his tent before ya' even hit the water."

"You didn't try to talk to him?" Mikey already knew the answer to that question, but he couldn't help but always hold out the littlest bit of hope that Raph and Leo could somehow find common ground when he wasn't there to play referee.

"Like he would have anything to say to me, the way he is right now." Raph grumbled, stretching his arms above his head as he yawned and stood. "You're better at that kinda thing anyway. I'm goin' to sleep, see ya' in the morning."

"Right..." Mikey sighed in response.

Disappointed didn't even begin to describe how he felt about this evening and the way it turned out. For so long he'd imagined what they would do when they were finally all together and now, they were here, but he felt like the chasm separating the three of them from Donatello was wider than ever before.

Why did Leo have to...? It was almost as if...

No, it couldn't be...

It was though, it had to be, that was the only explanation. It had been obvious to Mikey as soon as he met Leo in the woods just outside the campsite earlier that afternoon that something was... off, but at the time he was too lost in his own excitement to see it for what it really was.

Besides, Leonardo had assured him that he was being careful, and they'd talked about how he was going to keep himself safe. Hell, when they were together last month Leo had told him that Master Splinter was barely leaving him alone out of an abundance of caution. But it looked like none of that seemed to have mattered.

What could have happened? Master Splinter had a plan, he was sure of it, the old rat was always prepared. There was no way he would have let Leo out of his sight for even a second during the last few days, not with the risk of everything they had to lose.

But even with all that, it was obvious that somehow, someway Master Splinter had failed. Leonardo's behavior was a dead giveaway that the emperor, his father, against all their precautions, had still managed to speak to Leo alone, away from the wise rat's gaze.

And if that was true, then Michelangelo was in for a long night.

He looked at Leo's tent, quiet and close to the tree line, where he could just see a faint light flickering through the flap.

That was all the invitation he needed.

Quickly rushing over, he paused only a second before slipping inside and securing the flap with a line of wooden toggles. The tents the monks had provided weren't that large, but there was enough room to stand at the center with the rest of the space filled by a few crates of supplies and a trunk that held clothes and weapons and any tools they might need. Near the back was a sheepskin covered mat padded with grass and moss, made comfortable and warm with thick furs.

Leonardo sat there, barely visible in the light from a single candle, eyes closed and legs crossed with his hands lightly resting on his knees.

Michelangelo took a deep breath, already nervous because there was no way to know how this was going to go. Leo didn't acknowledge him right away, so when Mikey finally spoke his voice almost cracked.

"I'll never get how you can sit there for so long with your eyes closed and not fall asleep."

"I'm meditating, not sleeping." The prince of air murmured in response.

"Psh... same difference."

Leonardo cracked one eye open to look at him still standing by the flap. They stared at each other for a long moment before Mikey shifted his feet uneasily.

"Is he in there?"

Leo quickly closed the eye and frowned. Taking another, even longer moment to reply.

"Yes."

Bolstering his courage, Mikey crossed to him and crouched down so they were on the same level. "Leo, look at me."

Waiting patiently until Leo opened both his eyes, Mikey felt a pain lance right through him seeing the frustration and anger shining in them. A sliver of black that wasn't supposed to be there gleamed in the candlelight, and his heart sunk seeing the dark ring surrounding the gentle hazel irises he loved so much.

"I'm sorry I didn't notice before. What happened? Splinter said he would..."

"He did." Leo said, quick to come to his master's defense. He sighed and continued through teeth he was visibly trying not to clench. "It was the last possible second. I was a step away from crossing the border, Master Splinter had already left in the carriage, we didn't think there was a need for him to stay, we were so sure..."

"Go on..." Mikey gently encouraged when Leo stopped to steady his breathing.

"He appeared out of nowhere. One second, I was alone and the next he was there. He said he changed his mind, that he couldn't let his only son leave on the most important journey of his life without being there to see me off. It was like he somehow knew the exact moment I would be alone..."

"What did he say?" Mikey asked, squeezing Leo's knees when the prince of air shuddered, fighting the power of the words for only a second before he sighed.

"'To sail upon the ocean a sailor needs a steadfast vessel to carry him safely over the waves, and his trust in that vessel must be absolute, because one moment of weakness is all the water needs to destroy the vessel and pull the sailor down into the darkness...'"

Michelangelo didn't need to be a genius to understand the meaning of that cryptic message, it explained a lot, but still the story sent a shiver down his spine. He absently started rubbing comforting circles with his thumbs, drawing Leonardo's attention away from the cadence of the words.

The worst part was that they were more than just words. Splinter said it was like influence or suggestion, made even more powerful by their magic. Mikey didn't really understand it, every time the wise old rat started talking to them about it, he kinda zoned out, but he got the basic idea, and it had always made him want to stay as far away from the emperor as he possibly could.

"Okay, it's okay..." Mikey said, trying not to shiver. "Let me help you."

Leo's fingers curled into fists on his thighs as he tried to control the impulse. Almost shaking with the effort to stay still.

"Don't fight it." Mikey whispered, shuffling closer. "You know that only makes it worse."

"You don't have to..."

"Yes, I do. I want to." Emphasizing the point, Mikey smirked. "Don't waste time arguing with me. You know I would do anything for you, and it's not like you have to twist my arm... just... let me work my magic..."

Moving quickly to cut off any response, Mikey leaned the rest of the way in, kissing Leo softly. The prince of air tensed for a moment but didn't pull away. He didn't forcefully grab Mikey and throw him down on the mat beneath them either, but that was ok. That was actually a good sign.

Their breath puffed between them as Mikey continued to slowly kiss him, testing to see the pace he would be allowed to set. When Leo didn't shove him away Mikey took that as approval, sliding his fingers up Leo's thighs until their hands met. The touch seemed to trigger something because the prince of air sucked in a breath and lifted his arms, grasping Mikey's shoulders tightly.

"Wait, why are you wet?" Leo questioned, opening his eyes with a frown.

"Not important..." Mikey sang against Leo's lips as he pushed forward, urging him to lay back, trying to ignore the way the ring of black flashed in the candlelight.

Leo laid fully back on his carapace, relaxing under the gentle persuasion without complaint, and Mikey smiled at how easy it was. Sometimes getting Leo to settle down took a lot more work, and this wasn't a situation where they could afford to take their time, as much as he wished it was.

He straddled Leo's thighs, holding him in place, and moved to nuzzle Leo's neck, peppering kisses down to the collar of his tunic, but before he could make it that far, suddenly Leo was pushing back against him, raising up to rest on his elbows.

"We shouldn't... it's not appropriate here..."

Mikey just gave him an exasperated look. "What does that even mean? Come on, do you really want to spend the rest of this trip listening to his whisper in your head?"

Leo looked uncertain, like he was trying to think of any reason why Mikey shouldn't be doing what he was doing, but when he came up with nothing he just frowned and shook his head. "The others will... hear us."

"So? If they do maybe they'll come in here and we can all get to know Donnie the easy way."

Mikey grinned suggestively but Leo pursed his lips, leveling him with a disapproving look that had the prince of earth quickly relenting.

"Fine," He offered, not wanting to make this any harder than it already was. "Kick up the wind if you care about it that much. The leaves in the trees can cover any noise we make."

It was a gamble every time they needed to do this, and Michelangelo knew he needed to be careful. Usually Leo was completely compliant, knowing what needed to be done to rid himself of the foreign magic in his system; but other times he resisted to the point that there was a struggle, and it was impossible to know which one it would be before they started.

Leo didn't move so neither did Mikey, holding his ground to make it clear he was serious. Thankfully, the standoff lasted for only a moment, then Leo was laying back again, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. A few seconds later Mikey began to hear the rustling whistle of the wind moving through the branches outside.

Relieved, he leaned forward to bury his face in the crook of Leo's shoulder. "There you go... just relax..." he soothed, moving his hands up to sneak under the hem of Leo's tunic, his fingers brushing lightly over the scutes and teasing under the band of his pants.

After a quiet pause, the prince of air finally whispered, "If I could just control it myself, if I knew what it was..."

"None of us know what it is, not even Master Splinter," Michelangelo spoke over him. "And we don't need to know..."

"Of course we need to know," Leo huffed. "We need to find a way to..."

Mikey rose above him, staring down and planting his hands on either side of Leo's head. "Yeah, eventually, but not today, not here. We are here to be together, the four of us. Donatello is here, finally, like we've been waiting for our whole lives. He's here and you almost..." He stopped, closing his eyes and drawing in a quick breath, replacing his frown with a smile that was only a little strained.

"This place is for us." He continued, lowering himself until their noses were almost touching. The black ring around Leo's irises shimmered slightly. "And he was not invited. Whatever this thing is your father can do, whatever his reason is for doing it, there's nothing we can do about it until we finish what we came here for, and we can't do that with him in your head."

Leo looked up at him, humbled by the outburst. "You're right, I'm sorry."

Michelangelo accepted that without another word. He dipped back down, nibbling Leo's lips to prevent him from saying anything else. Now was not the time for talking, there was nothing left to say that hadn't already been said a thousand times before anyway.


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This section of this chapter has been cut due to the rating limitations on FFN.

Please go over to AO3 if you wish to read this chapter in full. Thank you!

archiveofourown DOT org/works/27532348/chapters/78784276

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Mikey shot up, hovering over Leo's face, staring down into those beautiful hazel eyes that he knew couldn't see him right now even though they were wide open.

The ring of black, shining iridescent at the edges flashed in defiance then began to dissolve, the darkness spreading until it covered every speck of white before fading like a midnight fog and disappearing completely, leaving only the warm honey colored hue that belonged there.

Michelangelo didn't know why it worked; he'd really never given it much thought. Why would he once they'd realized that this was the easiest way to release the hold. He vaguely remembered something Splinter once said about the primal reaction of their bodies and that the act blocked out all other thought, severing the connection and banishing the phantom commands from within Leo's head, but he had only sort of been paying attention that day. It was a very awkward conversation to have with the old rat, and what did it matter anyway? It worked. That was the only thing Mikey cared about.

Leonardo blinked and shuddered, reaching up to grip Mikey arms like he was falling and needed something to hold onto.

"Shhh... it's okay... you're okay..." The prince of earth whispered.

"Mikey..." Leo rasped, finally releasing his grip to run a shaky hand across his face. "Mikey I..."

Michelangelo saw the moment Leo's confusion turned to realization tinted by fear.

"What was I thinking...? I ruined it. I ruined everything."

"No, Leo," Mikey fell to the mat at Leo's side, wrapping his arms around him and squeezing tight. "You didn't. It's fine."

"The things I accused him of... what have I done?"

"Don't do that, you weren't... I mean, I talked to Donnie and yeah, he's upset but, we'll try again tomorrow. We can explain everything to him in the morning... it's gonna be fine."

Leonardo didn't reply but Mikey could feel him trembling. They both knew he would torture himself all night over the things he had said to Don if left to his own devices and after all the work he just did there was no way Mikey was going to let that happen. He started rubbing Leo's arm, trying to relieve some of the tension he could feel building and tilted his head up to catch Leo's guilt-ridden gaze.

"Go to sleep, Leo. We'll fix this together. First thing tomorrow."

Pecking a kiss on Leo's cheek he settled into the crook of his arm, massaging his shoulder and neck and the soft skin between his plastron and carapace, maintaining the movement of his hand, caressing with his fingers, to keep Leonardo's attention on him and not on his thoughts.

Maybe it took an hour, maybe it took ten minutes, but eventually Leo's breathing evened out and when Mikey finally looked up again his eyes were closed.

After waiting another few minutes to make sure Leonardo was really asleep, he gently extracted himself from the strong arms wrapped around him. Normally he would have stayed and drifted off curled up against Leo's side, he always slept better when they shared a bed, but nights like this one were different. When Leo woke up his mind would be clear again but his agitation over his actions would make him crabby, and even though he knew that Leo would never be upset to find that he'd stayed, Mikey understood that it would be better if he sought out his own bed for the rest of the night. Leo wouldn't be fully back to himself until after his morning meditations anyway.

Michelangelo blew out the candle and slipped out of the tent. The fire was just embers now, glowing deep red in the dark. The sound of the crickets singing in the trees buzzed in his ears, almost drowning out the deep rumble of Raph's snoring.

Exhaustion hit him like a rolling boulder, and he stifled a yawn. This had been the longest most emotionally draining day he could ever remember and now all he wanted to do was go to sleep so it could be tomorrow and they could start over again, hopefully with much better results the second time through.

The full moon lit the way back to his own tent, but before slipping inside he took one last look out at the river where he could still see Donatello perched on his rock, little more than a shadow under the gently swaying branches of the willow tree.

~*~.~*~ tmnt ~*~.~*~