AN: I'm out here trying to battle back. Consider this a drop in the bucket as I try to get myself going again now that chemo is over *over*.
This is an incarnation of these two that is a lot more rocky than what i'm used to. I promise there's rhyme and reason. Olitz is being...well Olitz here. I promise you they are endgame and they will find a way back to each other. They're both doing some necessary soul searching now, though.
It's been a minute since i've updated this story, too. Apologies there.
And please don't kill me.
Her hands shook as she lifted the mug of decaf coffee to her lips. The ambient overhead light of the coffee shop left her squinting every two seconds, waiting for the familiar face to walk through the door. Never before had she been this nervous, yet angry. The rage burned in her belly, tampered only by the seesawing of her daughter on her bladder. She was seven months pregnant now and while she raced towards the finish line, baby Grant showed no interest in following her mother's lead. Perhaps that was fitting, though. Olivia never wanted to make her mother's mistakes and yet here she was, stumbling towards them in too tight Jimmy Choos and swollen ankles. She needed closure, though; reassurance.
Finally the bell over the coffee shop entrance rand. Olivia swallowed hard at the sight of her mother. Very rarely had the mother-daughter pair ever shared the same space. Matter of fact, Olivia was almost certain that the last time they'd spent more than ten minutes together unforced was when Maya was pregnant.
"Livvie," Maya spoke. She took the seat across from her daughter. "You look ready to pop."
Olivia gave her mother a partial smile, unable to hide the tension in her jaw. Their relationship had been non-existent for the last two decades plus. The only reason Maya had even been invited to her wedding was Fitz. It hurt for her to think about Fitz. She'd been a horrible wife to him lately. They'd gotten back on track and she threw them back into the fire once more.
"Two more months to go," Olivia said. Her right hand wrapped around her bulging belly instinctively.
"How's Tommy?" Maya asked.
"He started karate last week, therefore I'm a mess and he's ecstatic." Karate had not been her choice. When discussing after school curriculars for Tommy, Fitz and Tommy banded together to out vote her. Olivia couldn't wait for their daughter to be born to even the odds in the Pope-Grant household, though something told her that her daughter would be a daddy's girl.
"I have a few things for him. I'd love to come by and see him soon. Maybe this weekend?"
Olivia felt her eyes narrow and the grip she had on her stomach tightened. Letting Maya see her kids was always a double edged sword. She wanted to love that her mother wanted to be an involved grandparent. At the same time, however, she was resentful. A part of her wanted to scream 'where were you when I needed you?' but she didn't want to risk getting upset. These closing months of her pregnancy were the most important. Thankfully, she had a scapegoat for this conversation.
"He'll actually be staying at his friend Saniya's. She's having a sleepover and since she and Tommy are inseparable, we figured it wouldn't do any harm." Olivia said.
"Saniya? It's a boy/girl sleepover? Do you think that's appropriate?"
The anger was imminent. "Yes. They're six."
"I'm just saying —"
"What? That you're giving me parenting advice when you didn't even raise me?" Olivia's voice raised slightly as she cut her mother off. She felt a sharp kick to her ribs. Either baby girl Grant agreed with her or she was picking the perfect time to make her presence known. The hand on Olivia's belly tightened.
"I knew this is why you wanted to see me. You needed a punching bag." Maya pushed away from the table, gaze hardened, and grabbed her purse. Thankfully the coffee shop was relatively empty. Those who were present didn't seem to notice the mother and daughter locking horns.
"So you're running away from me again? Color me surprised. At least I'm not fourteen-years-old and dad doesn't have to lie to me any more. He doesn't have to lie to me and tell me that you love me; that you'll be back soon." Several tears slipped down Olivia's cheeks.
"Here we go. I've told you that I'm—." Maya tried, but to no avail.
Olivia cut her again. "I was fifteen when I was diagnosed with PCOS. Do you know how they finally figured it out? I bled so hard that dad thought I was having a miscarriage. He was ready to pack me up and ship me off to boarding school because he thought I was lying about being a virgin. Thankfully a wonderful nurse by the name of Sandra talked some sense into him. I had to do that alone. I had to do my sixteenth-birthday alone. The first time a boy broke my heart. Figuring out birth control; hormone therapy; a miscarriage. I love Sandra. I do. She's been a mother to me when she didn't have to be. She wiped more tears away from my eyes and kissed my cheek far more than you ever did even when you were around." Maybe it was the hormones or maybe it was just the pain and hurt Olivia had been pushing away for nearly twenty-years, but finally the words were out. "Sandra is my mom in every way it counts, but for some reason I still wanted you."
While Maya's face softened, Olivia's hardened even more. She hated this part of herself; the part that could still let her mother rile her up to the point of no return. Crying in a coffee shop wasn't how she pictured this conversation going. All she'd wanted was some clarity on why Maya had abandoned her husband and daughter. Olivia needed to know so that she never did her family the same. It was useless, though. The fourteen year old girl inside of her still raged on.
"I didn't know how to be a mother and me, Livvie. I was eighteen when I got married and nineteen when I had you. I was a little girl," Maya whispered. Olivia rolled her eyes. "I gave up everything for you and for your dad. When it all became too much, I—"
"Ran. I was there, remember?" Olivia shot back.
"Leaving you was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but I needed to find me. I didn't know how to have it all at once. I didn't know how to be me and how to be your mother. I gave up everything for you and your father but it was never enough. I didn't want to lose my family but I didn't want to lose me either."
"You didn't have to have it all at once." The words ricochet like a stray bullet hitting bouncing off a stop sign. They were familiar words; one's she's heard before but had been on the receiving end of from Fitz. Olivia was trying so hard not to be her mother that she couldn't see she was becoming like her. Instead of packing up and disappearing into the night, Olivia was choosing to prioritize things that didn't need to be prioritized. At least not right now. Her job. Ben. She'd still yet to find the time to sit down with him and end all contact.
"For what it's worth, Livvie, I've always loved you. I love Tommy and I love that little girl growing in your belly." Her mother's correct guess caught Olivia off guard. She couldn't recall telling Maya anything. "It's the way you're carrying. She's sitting low. Maybe one day I'll get to meet her."
"I think you should go." Olivia's voice was low, firm. "Please."
Maya nodded before turning on her toes and heading for the exit.
/
Fitz sat at his desk. He rubbed his temples as he poured over paperwork. Budgets. Project plans. He'd been offered Chief of Staff and it wasn't a decision he was going to make without deep thought. Especially not when his future with his wife and children remained so uncertain. He loved his wife more than he could ever express; she and their children were his life. But he was sincerely starting to doubt if he was hers. Maybe her fingers no longer fit perfectly between his.
He closed the file in front of him and gazed out of the window. From here he could see the mall but all he could make out was Washington Tower. Somewhere in D.C his wife was likely talking to the man who she insisted did not have part of her heart. Fitz had known Olivia too well to ever believe that. He'd failed as a husband and despite doing his best to fix his mistakes, he only felt the hole he was in grow deeper.
"I have the EKG results from Linda Hightower, Dr. — Fitz."
Fitz lifted his head to find Kim standing on his office doorstep, manilla folder in hand, and a small smile on her face. He smiled at her appearance but it almost immediately disappeared when he saw a bruise resting just below her left eye. She'd clearly tried to cover it with makeup but it was no use.
"Your eye…"
"Oh this? It was nothing. I fell off my bike when Jaden and went riding the other day,' Kim reassured him; Fitz knew better. He stood and walked towards the door, ushering her in. Once she was in, he closed the door behind her.
"This bike wouldn't go by the name Amiri, would it?" He pushed. She'd talked about her ex-husband in great detail but he was under the assumption that Kim no longer interacted with him.
Kim's eyes began to water. "I kept thinking about how close you and your son are. I thought I was denying Amiri and Jaden that. I called him and it was like when we first started dating all over again. He was nice and loving. He made us dinner and then we…" she left Fitz to fill in the blank."And then we got into an argument over Jaden having a doll. I knew it was coming before I even felt it…" She gestures wildly in air. "I was so stupid. I knew he hadn't changed but I just thought maybe if I believed he did, he would and we'd be—"
Fitz doesn't give her any time to finish her sentence; instead he tugs her into his arms and holds her as she starts to cry. Her cries are loud and wailing at first. They border on hysterics. Minutes go past and Fitz doesn't move. He just squeezes her tighter. He doesn't understand how a "man" could behave this way. Especially to someone so open and full of light like Kim. They'd gotten to know each other well in these last few weeks. She was a bright spot to his day and always a sounding board.
Slowly her sobs turned to soft sniffles and Kim pulled away. Her eyes dropped to his lips and before Fitz could further assess the moment, she kissed him. It'd been a while since he'd had physical affection in any other form but hugs from his son or Olivia's belly when his daughter made her presence known.
He returned her kiss with little hesitation.
