My dear reader, hope you are ready for more J'onn J'onzz. As ever read and review even if it's not positive. I encourage all feedback.
Disclaimer: J'onn is not mine, I'm simply using him for a while.
Chapter Three
The Tension
I grin at him with glee, glad to introduce him to something new. Eating out is a hobby of mine and I have frequented many restaurants in the area so I know the best place to take J'onn. I pull up to the curb in front of a very moderate restaurant called Andy's. I have come here so often that the owner is now a friend. The portly man calls out a greeting with an one armed hug as he sees me coming up to him. J'onn trails behind me taking in the interior of this quaint little place.
The soft yellow lights create a warm atmosphere and each table is partitioned to give a semblance of privacy to the customers. Many families and couples seem to visit Andy's from what I have witnessed.
"Your usual place, yes Miss?" He grins, looking J'onn up and down.
I know he's going to be keeping an eye out for me. Somewhere along the way Andy has taken it upon himself to look out for me. Last time I brought a date here, he ended up taking me aside to tell me that my date was no good for me. Unfortunately, Andy is always correct. It probably has something to do with working in a restaurant where happily married couples and families frequent, for Andy can correctly predict where a relationship will go and no doubt J'onn and I look like we're on a date to him.
"Yes please." I nod at him and turn to J'onn who is looking at me curiously. Andy escorts us to my favorite table in the corner. Its window looks out to the busy street and the partition allows us maximum privacy. J'onn sits across from me and I turn to Andy as he passes us the menu.
"Thank you Andy." he waves it off and bustles away telling us to call when we're ready.
"That man loves you dearly." J'onn observes, he too appears to have fallen under the spell of the ambiance, his voice softer and lower so only I can hear him.
"I frequent here J'onn, he says I remind him of his daughter." I want to let J'onn experience food not talk about me right now. "Now tell me, what would you like to try? I can assure almost everything will taste wonderful."
"Would you be so kind as to recommend a dish?"
"Try the spinach spaghetti with cauliflower and cheese or you can try a classic vegetable lasagna, both taste wonderful."
We spend a few minutes choosing and I call Andy over, he takes our order and slides a napkin over to me as he pours us water. I knew this was coming but its the first time Andy has been impatient enough to message me on a napkin.
J'onn looks forlorn as he gazes at me, unthinking I reach out to touch his hand on the table. After spending hours curled up in contact with him, it feels normal to touch him. He allows the contact and gently squeezes my hand.
"What's wrong J'onn?"
"I was on a mission a few weeks back, I don't know if you've read it on your gossip papers," He gives me a crooked smile and my heart skips a beat. "Luthor created a creature that absorbed our powers, I had to scan the minds of thousands of people to locate him. The thoughts and feelings that these humans carried, so vain, selfish and petty attempts to justify them." J'onn gently strokes my fingers while looking around us. "But here in this place, these humans are giving off such gentle thoughts that its almost as if I'm back on Mars. Thank you."
My vision goes misty as J'onn J'onzz the Martian Manhunter thanks me. J'onn suddenly moves closer to me and rubs his thumb under my eyes, wiping away the tears. I can't allow him to think I'm sad and I still his hand in both of mine. His much larger hand pausing between mine, waiting for me to speak.
"J'onn, if anyone should be thankful, it is me. You have made me feel alive, I feel calm and content, I know when I return my home will be a mess but I feel like you've given me a light to carry home, so if anyone should say thank you, it's me. Thank you J'onn."
J'onn moves his hand to cup my face and leans closer. Oh god.. Is he going to kiss me? My eyes close and I feel his lips make contact with my forehead. Somehow that kiss feels more like a thank you than his words did. He pulls back slowly and I stare at him, at a loss for words. Thankfully Andy clears his throat and we pull back to allow our plates to be settled. Andy drops me a wink as he tells us to enjoy the meal.
It is only then I remember the napkin that Andy passed me. I pull it to my lap, opening it discretely to see an elegant cursive scrawling out: Keep him.
J'onn raises a brow at me and I shake my head smiling. He drops whatever he was going to say and we settle into out meal. I watch as J'onn takes his first bite of the vegetable lasagna, his eyes widen at me and I know he's found something he will love. I laugh at him and tell him he's welcome. We end up talking in between bites, he tells me of his missions, the exotic things he has seen, the things he has fought and I tell him of my relatively mundane activities such as sculpture and painting.
"What message does the napkin bear?" J'onn asks as we finish our meal.
I can feel my cheeks heating up as I pass him the unfolded napkin, watching human face for any tells. He glances up from the writing and smirks at me.
"Interesting."
"J'onn..."
"We should come here more often, don't you agree?"
"Umm, yes?"
He's getting at something, I can feel it but I've no idea what he's thinking. He laughs at my scrunched up expression and gives my hand a squeeze. His touch gentles my face, I can feel myself smiling stupidly at him when I should be pressing for details.
J'onn releases my hand and sits back just as Andy rounds up with the bill for us. Looking around, night has settled quietly and the street lamps are illuminating people as they pass by our window lost in their own worlds.
We make our way out of the restaurant as Andy gives his compliments for the night, both of us content in people watching till we reach my car. Climbing in I turn to J'onn as he closes the door. His human disguise falling away, he dominates the space around him. I try to memorize this moment of him eased back, looking at me with quiet warmth in his red eyes.
"Where shall I drop you off J'onn?"
"The justice league uses teleporters for travel, when you are safely home I will be beamed up."
"Then we have 45 minutes to spend in my car."
"Time that will be well spent."
Oooh the shivers his words invoke, the rumbling quality of his voice make it sound like a statement of a different, more masculine intent. His eyes do not help as they smolder across the small space between us, locking my gaze under his.
The moment crashes suddenly in on me as we stay in the car park, the engine running in the background. Everything feminine in me is startled awake instinctively responding to this large male seated next to me, yielding subconsciously to the intent in his predatory regard. His scent creating a sense of security which encourages surrender.
Even though he's clearly alien my heart beat picks up it's pace and I'm certain J'onn can hear its erratic fluttering. We're locked in a battle of will for what feels like hours before J'onn blinks and the spell is broken. His eyes soften and I almost question my senses but the electric tension in the air leaves no doubt as to what almost happened.
"I apologize," his large green hand settles carefully onto my shoulder. "I lost myself for a moment."
Being dumbstruck isn't very attractive when an apology has been issued but that's me right now. I shake my head at him making sure to give him a reassuring smile while inside I'm wobbling like jelly, afraid to even think of driving while I'm trembling from his intensity. Its fascinating how shadows and gold light can electrify every touch and every whisper of his voice. I had been against his chest hours before in broad daylight with no such reactions but take away the light, the open spaces and introduce a semblance of privacy then watch the magic happen.
His hand drops from my shoulder, his fingers accidently grazing their way down to my elbow, fire breaks out under my skin wherever there was contact but his sorrowed eyes douse the flames instantly. Catching his wrist I'm again struck by how built this alien is, my fingers can't even encircle his wrist!
"J'onn," I'm silenced by his finger coming close to my mouth.
"No. Do not excuse it."
I guess Martian culture must not collide well with that of Earth. That would also explain Diana's frustration with him. He may have chosen to protect his new home but it is by no means a home to him. It may as well be an orphanage: A place you end up in out of lack of choice and not by choice.
Its a conversation to be had with him on a later day so I nod and drive the car out the parking lot. We steadily cruise down each lost in thought. The silence is not oppressive but it is distracting so I turn the radio onto a nice station full of slow jams for background music. We both relax listening to the soothing instruments.
J'onn watches me as I park the car and walk to my door, he's looking at my house with unsettled eyes.
"Are you alright?"
"Of course J'onn." I smile up at him as he throws an uneasy glance behind me.
Suddenly holding me by the shoulders he looms over me looking deadly serious. "If you need me, do not hesitate to call me."
"I will J'onn."
The disturbed look in his eyes has not dissipated, might as well calm him. I wrap my arms around his waist, my head resting comfortably on the red X of his uniform. J'onn tightens his arms around me winding on arm across my back and the other pressing my head further to his chest, his body offering immense shelter. There's a sense of foreboding in this, like the first shoe is waiting to drop on me. Looking up at him just confirms it. He looks pained.
"J'onn what's wrong?"
"Your parents are not in a good mood."
"Oh J'onn, they never are don't you worry about it." I give him a reassuring squeeze for once and release him.
He hardly looks convinced but drops the topic and lets me step out of the circle of his arms. I watch his eyes glow yellow and second later he gives me a smile just as he's teleported to the watch tower.
Time to take a deep breath and face whatever hell lays behind this door.
The house is eerily silent. No squabbling, no sound of my sisters, no sound of the television or radio. Just dead silence. Very dead silence. Please don't let him have hurt them. Panic is settling inside even as my face freezes in an expression of indifference.
Stepping further into hell, my father's room is pitch black and his snores can be heard so he's alive and asleep, mom is nowhere to be found. Both my sisters seem to have taken up refugee in my room, this can only mean one thing. He got angry and she went off to collect herself. Sigh. Such is life, I hate feeling helpless as my younger sisters cry in fear of the eventual outcome of these fights. I know they have no outlet for their pain except tears but it makes me feel twice as guilty. Here I am, spending my time with J'onn while my sisters suffer in silence.
Now I understand why J'onn looked worried, this is a new level of depressing. Not much left to do I suppose, time to be strong for the sisters till they fall asleep and then wallow in self pity.
My two sisters go all out on sniveling into my pillows after recapping the events of the day to me, I nod along, act tough where appropriate, give them unflinching, emotionless advice then tell them to sleep it off. They know by now that nothing they do or say will make my parents any better so best we can do is move on from the moments and survive.
Once they're asleep the blade screams at me. Every fiber in by body consumed with guilt instead of sorrow. I could call J'onn. I probably should call J'onn but it feels like I deserve this punishment. I forgot myself for hours, having the best time in my life while my siblings were probably cuddled together in fear and pain. Even the blade is too much of a blessing, I'll have to spend the night with myself till I am exhausted by thinking.
I stare into the bathroom mirror, my reflection startling me. Just a few minutes ago I was glowing with contentment and now all traces of light are erased from my face. My reflection looks tired and aged beyond my years, my eyes are dulled till the brown looks like its filmed over in grey. Everything looks grey and cold. Fighting back tears, I stumble into the shower, turning the water as hot as it will go to chase away the utter numbness of my body.
The first ten minutes under the steaming water are a fuzzy memory of steam. The heat settles in afterwards, flushing my skin an angry red as I walk out wrapped in a towel.
My nightshirt stifles and constricts me as I stare blankly at the ceiling not really thinking of anything nor looking. J'onn flits through my mind with a subconscious voice telling me to call him. Its quickly silenced by the rest of my mind. I lay awake for hours into the night, just blank, by 3am my eyelids are heavy from both tears that refuse to fall and a lack of sleep. Every valiant effort to escape Morpheus' embrace finally exhausts itself when I tumble into a restless sleep, too tired to call out for J'onn.
I really should have known better. After all I met J'onn through a telepathic mishap so it really shouldn't surprise me to meet him again in my mind but it does.
Its definitely in my mind this time, I can tell the difference now. His scent is absent in my mind realm and he doesn't encompass the space around him. He looks slightly disappointed, his red eyes almost downcast on his aquiline face.
"You should've called. I would have come."
Oh.. So he is disappointed.
"I didn't feel like I deserved it J'onn."
I'm too tired to try hiding or to give a good explanation. Plain and direct honesty is all that's coming out of me. You know you're messed up when you're tired even in your dreams.
"How did you know when I fell asleep?" It is a valid question. Is he keeping tabs on me?
"I was worried," his reply is soft, his touch equally tender on my arm. "It is considered impolite to read minds but that does not mean i can not feel your thoughts when I am concerned. Your thoughts quieten when you fall asleep."
"You needn't have worried J'onn, I think I handled it alright."
Except for nearly boiling myself to death, I didn't even cut myself but then again that was out of masochism than any actual progress of mind.
My words don't appear to comfort him.
"I can take this from you but you have to believe in me." his words are solemn, carrying more gravity than usual.
I know what he's saying, I should trust him to be able to handle what I say, trust him to understand and sympathize, trust him to comfort me, to allow myself to accept his comfort.
In the short time that I've come to know him spanning over three weeks, its clear that J'onn J'onzz commits with his all. He offers comfort freely, his compassion endless. Even in the beginning when any other being would've fled after witnessing the emotional minefield that is my mind, J'onn J'onzz choose to stay in touch watching over like some guardian angel.
How can one not believe in a man of such qualities?
"J'onn..."
Before I can tell him to read my mind he interrupts.
"Tell me."
So I tell him.
