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Chapter Eleven
Flames
Its been two whole days since J'onn went on his mission, during this time I have been most productive with my days, having them peppered throughout with small doses of concern. I have constantly felt gentle brushes of thought from him but it was never a word, just a feel of my mind.
It's odd. J'onn would speak to me if he could brush my mind for feelings wouldn't he? Perhaps he's not conscious of his minds actions while he's distracted. Still odd given how disciplined he his. His self control has been impeccable, hardly ever venturing into unnecessary thought. While my human mind is constantly distracted with random thoughts throughout the day, J'onn has a fixed path of thoughts. If he's working, his mind is focused purely on his work. If he's with me, joined together or otherwise, his thoughts are focused only on the moment.
Maybe he's hurt...
That would explain his deviating behavior. Perhaps I am over thinking, but if J'onn is indeed hurt, there's not much I can do for him. I definitely do not want a repeat of the last time when he was stern with me. Oh... That must be the reason. I did tell him that the only reason I disobeyed him was out of worry.
My heart swells with warmth at his thoughtfulness even if he is too busy to talk to me. As far as I have noticed just about all his missions seem to last a maximum of two days. The league is pretty powerful to handle planet threatening events in merely 48 hours, makes me grateful we're so well protected.
I wander out into the kitchen, looking at all the ingredients available to make dinner. Since the entire family is home, I'll have to make a proper meal. My sisters are busy in their own little world of coloring books and schoolwork while my parents are glaring at each other from across the couch. The same couch where J'onn and I spent our time, getting him patched up as well as cuddling together with breakfast. Such a contrast to see two former lovers glaring daggers at each other while the current ones were so tender together. Sigh.
What to make for dinner? Perhaps spaghetti. It is well loved by all.
I pull out tomatoes, sauces, garlic, meatballs, cilantro and a packet of spaghetti. The knife suddenly catches my eye. It feels like ages since I last used one against myself. Cutting into a bright red tomato, it spills juices. So similar to how my wrists would spill blood. All the tomatoes meet a violent fate at my hands as I sadistically twist my knife in them. I feel unbalanced..
Filling a saucepan full of water I turn on the stove, placing it on to let the water boil. In the meantime I'm craving a good solid drink. Alcohol. I'm craving alcohol.
Rummaging in the pantry cupboards I pull out the opened bottle of brandy which is often used in meals. Its never really drunk, just used to flavor food. A healthy glass of it later my mind is fuzzy, its been years since I last drank so much so suddenly.
It feels like my actions are not my own anymore. I reach out to pick the spaghetti packet but I touch the brandy bottle instead. The fuzziness increases as another swig travels down my throat almost against my will.
Flames. Bright, burning hot flames. They lick at my body, I flinch away from the pain. What is going on?
The entire kitchen is surrounded by fire. The air is suffocating, smoke and fumes forcing my lungs to cough. There's screaming from beyond. I need to find a way out!
Everything is disoriented and hazy. Heat. Mind numbing heat. Need water. The bathtub! Crashing into the bathroom, it is also surrounded by flames. Why is there so much fire? And where are my sisters? Why am I still in here?
J'onn!
Need to get out. The door! Too late.
The ceiling collapses onto the doorway, I'm trapped in the bathroom surrounded by flames. Water! The taps too hot to touch. I fold my shirt over the taps and open them all till water flows around me from every available faucet. At least it'll keep the flames away from me for a bit. Not immediately about to be burnt I look around for an escape of any sort. The bathroom window is too small for me to climb out of, the door I stumbled through is buried under dancing orange flames and the tiles around me are not even cracker. I'm trapped. Quite effectively trapped.
This is the time for a superhero's job. I need to be saved. Oh lord my sisters! The screams are no longer to be heard. Did they make it out? Is there a way out? How on earth did a fire start in the first place?! Wasn't I the one in the kitchen?
'J'onn! I need help'
If I open the bathroom window, the sudden air flow will fan the flames, if I don't do anything the oxygen will be depleted and I'll pass out, already the fumes are irritating my lungs to point where I can't stop coughing. My only option is to curl up near the bathtub in running water so that even if the ceiling collapses, I'll be somewhat spared damage when the tub takes the brunt force.
My mind screams for J'onn. Heat and smoke consume the air around me while orange flames mock my escape. J'onn's voice echoes in my head but I can't make out what he's saying. Try as I might to reply or to even focus in him, my darkening vision lulls me away, suddenly feeling far too calm for the situation I'm in.
Soft beeping echoes around me, the noise penetrating the my sleep. A sleep which doesn't feel restful.
I am greeted with the sight of my beloved alien staring down in concern at my face. Behind him are various other members of the Justice League. Yep the Justice League. Pretty easy to spot them. This must be their medical bay. The view of the sky is enough to tell me that I am no longer on earth. It is the same sky I remember seeing when I stumbled into J'onn's mind that very first night.
What happened... The faces around me are focused on J'onn more than me, and J'onn himself is not just concerned. His eyes have confusion, anger and pain.
"What happened?"
My voice sounds like I've swallowed gravel. A regal hand places a glass of water in the Martian's who in turn eases me up to drink. Its then that I notice the bed I'm laying on. Its like a capsule you see in films where astronauts are put in stasis for their 20 year long journey lest the film directors have to shoot a 60 plus actor who is not attractive to the audience anymore.
I've got electrodes attached to my chest, bandages wrapped around my arms and legs and my head feels odd. J'onn captures my hand as I try to smooth back my hair.
"We were hoping you could tell us what happened."
His voice sounds different, there's a certain lack of warmth. Coldness settles into my belly, a dire sense of foreboding surrounding me as I stare at each of these superheroes. None of them look friendly. The princess wearing an icy blue stare, matched equally by Superman's stern jaw. Batman doesn't look any different from what the media portrays, which is basically scary by default.
"I don't exactly know J'onn, I was in the kitchen, making dinner..."
His hand drops mine as plead with my eyes. I know something happened with the flames but what?
"I had a sudden urge to drink, then I couldn't control myself anymore and the next thing I know I'm surrounded by flames. I made it to the bathroom and turned on the taps to fight off the heat."
J'onn doesn't look like his heart carries any sympathy for me right now. If anything he looks hurt and confused. I'm too confused to care. What caused the fire? I couldn't have been drunk enough to set the house on fire. There's simply no way. The house..my sisters!
"J'onn! Where are my sisters?!"
The silence is enough answer. The sudden turning on of an overhead television draws everyone's attention to Batman as he stares at me. The news channel shows my house, burnt to crumbled ashes. The flashing caption under the video feed is enough to shut my mind.
'The sole survivor of this sudden domestic fire has been taken up by the justice league'
Sole survivor.
Sole survivor. My mind reaches out to touch the Martian's but he does what I never expected him to do. He blocks my thoughts. Alone. Completely alone. None of these superheroes are yielding. All the pieces click in my head. The sole survivor is me, I just confessed that I was cooking and had gotten drunk. It doesn't take batman to make such an easy deduction.
I set the house on fire.
The look on the face of these superheroes confirms my conclusion. They too have come to the same end.
"What's to become of me now?"
I can barely believe it, what was I thinking to set fire to my house? With my sisters in it?! Sure I'm suicidal and I've entertained plenty of thoughts of killing myself but only once have I ever thought about killing my family to spare them each other, it was a very short-lived thought. So why now? It isn't like me to do something that stupid.
"You will remain here for the safety of those around you till we determine what to do."
Superman's answer is directed more towards J'onn than it is towards me. The Martian nods sideways, acknowledging the Kryptonian and gets up to leave.
'J'onn!'
Angry red eyes meet mine before they turn away, blocking me from his thoughts. Tears spring to my eyes, the full weight of what I have done, what I have lost and what awaits me, land heavily onto me. My mind goes into a lock down, I can feel the building blocks falling into place, creating a barrier around my thoughts. I don't even know how I am doing it but I can feel the strength of this wall. Its unlike any wall I've ever put up around me.
Tears, pain, loss, anger and hatred, they all get slammed into a thick vault in my mind. My features settle into an unimpressed, impassive neutral. Every little thought that flies by of my sisters get caught in a mental net and dragged away into a secure dungeon, never to escape again. Its a defense mechanism. A part of me realizes what I'm doing and how unhealthy it is, the rest of me tell this part to shut up.
By the time I look up to meet the cold eyes of the remaining league members, my eyes are far colder than theirs could ever hope to be. I take a sick pleasure in seeing the shock cross over on both Superman and Diana's faces, neither expecting my reaction. My emotionless voice ringing out around the sick bay.
"Where do you plan to keep me?"
In the silence that falls, Batman steps up to answer.
"My room."
I remove the little round electrodes from my chest, swing my legs over the side of the bed and stand up. Pain shoots through my limbs, pulling my attention to my bandages, feels like second degree burns. I give Batman a rivaling glare. My sisters always said I could glare the sun into darkness. Angry at the thought my voice roughly commands the scariest founding member.
"Let's go."
