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Warning: cliche cliffhanger. Also I don't really know if parking on the curb is legal or not.
Chapter Fifteen
Strike
John Jones.
This house belonged to J'onn... The colors make sense. Nothing here is depressing, every color is calm and soothing. He gave me his home... Burying my face in the pillows allow me to detect the faintest scent of rain. It must've been a while since J'onn last used this place and so finally for the first time since everything that happened, I break down.
The fading scent of rain providing comfort to the silence in my head. Memories of my family, my two sisters permanently removed from my life. The loss of my parents don't weigh me as much as the loss of my siblings. The Martian scented pillows rapidly absorb my tears, muffling my heaving sobs. Its hard to breathe. Not only did I loose my family but I've lost J'onn as well.
Humans are insignificant playthings in the hands of super-powered aliens and gods. The sheer injustice of it all results in an echoing scream. It takes a few minutes before I'm aware of the damage I'm causing myself. My voice gone raw, nails digging bloody crescents into my palms and lungs burning for oxygen. Shutting down on my emotional response I try focusing on the things I have to sort out after the fire.
The Justice League has clearly cleared my name of any possible conviction from the police for setting a house on fire but there's so much else left to do. So many things to finalize, finances, savings, personal identifications documents, funeral services, work, college, apologies to Shen and Anji, and a haircut. Maybe I can start with the apologies and haircut...
It's a four days by the time I've settled into my new home, gotten all the family savings transferred under my name and arranged for the funeral service. Shen and Anji gave me a right proper scolding followed by bone crushing human hugs, with their help it was much easier to finalize all the documentations and arrangements.
"Come on! You need to get dressed! Shen will be here with the car."
"Anji, I'm tired.." I don't want to hold a funeral, I don't even want to go through with half my life.. J'onn is constantly on my mind along with my sisters. Thoughts of what I've lost circling tighter and tighter the closer I get to the black dress. It feels too much like an irreversible good bye.
Anji has been pushing me into getting ready since the day broke, pulling out my black dress, gloves, shoes and hat. She's laid it all out and has been glaring at me for the past ten minutes, demanding I man up, cursing my boyfriend for not being here for me. I have yet to tell my friends as about what happened with J'onn..
The door bell rings in quick succession, must be Shen, he's always tried to fry doorbells no matter where we go.
"Finally!" Anji huffs at me. "Go change or I'm sending Shen in to change you!"
Loud voices fill my living room, Shen and Anji handling last minute details. The black dress reminds me of Batman. Dark and melancholic, so beautifully representing sadness. The soft material slides over my body, wrapping me in shadows, pulling me away from happiness. The reflection in the mirror is reminiscent of the Dark Knight, my lips pressed into a firm scowl, eyes circled with lack of sleep, entire body radiating repressed anger and sorrow. Did the Batman loose someone precious to him before he became who he is now?
"WILL YOU HURRY UP WOMAN?!"
"Calm down Anji."
The door is shoved open before I can reach for it, Shen peeping over his girlfriend's shoulder. "You alright?"
"Been better. Lets get this over with.."
My stiff battle posture is momentarily broken when Shen pulls me into his chest. "You're not alone, alright?"
I want to tell him that I am alone, no family of my own nor my beloved, simply me. My friends can't stay with me forever, they have their own life to attend to, their own problems that consume them, so I nod into his shoulder, aching to be held in another's embrace. An embrace where I could never have my face buried in a shoulder, only in a chest.
The funeral is a morbid affair, everything surrounded by the joy absorbing color black. Half the people attending are unknown to me and I desperately wish that the remaining half were equally unaware of me and my significance at the gathering. Shen and Anji do their best to guard me against the hushed whispers and pointed fingers behind which various views are being constructed about me and my potentially unstable mind. I should've expected that. Not everyone is going to believe that I am innocent, why didn't I think of that?
Ignoring all of these malicious people reminds me of what J'onn once said about humanity and its less than appealing thoughts. Leaning into Shen's shoulder I close my eyes to block out the suspicious glares of the people around me, his arm coming around to turn my face into his neck.
"You've been cleared by the Justice League of all things, ignore these idiots."
A pathetic "I'm trying." is the only response I'm capable of mumbling into his crisp shirt before tears ruin the dry fabric.
A warm hand falls onto my shoulder, Shen gently easing me back to face the intruder.
"I wished to offer you my deepest condolences, it can not be easy to handle the insensitivity of these people around you."
The soft spoken, dark stranger offers me an embrace I quickly fall into, his height allowing me to imagine being held by J'onn for he's too tall for my head to rest anywhere but his chest. I draw every bit of strength from this man that I can, "Thank you."
He gives a sad nod before parting to allow others their chance to console me. Most of it feels hollow and insincere but I nod, thank and return whatever hugs are offered to me. A lot of strange men are the ones who seem to actually feel sorry for me, most likely my father's coworkers.
By the time Shen and Anji drop me home, I'm exhausted in every sense of the word. There's not a drop of alcohol in J'onn's house, I need to drink. Thankfully Shen knows me well enough to have prepared.
Anji drags out glasses while Shen opens a bottle of Jack Daniel's whiskey. This should have me knocked out in five glasses provided I can hold in 3 glasses. The last time I drank before I inadvertently set fire to the house was a long time ago, its safe to say that drunk sex is never a pleasant memory. Mostly because you don't remember what it is that you did in the first place apart from throwing up.
Shen pours out glasses for all of us, making sure to keep me seated between himself and Anji. They've heard enough to not let me stumble anywhere while drunk. J'onn would so disapprove if he could see me now.
That is thought pushes me to drown the glass in one go, both my friends staring at me in shock. The alcohol burns down my throat, scorching a path of fire into me. I know my body very well, one more glass and my motor skills will weaken, whatever therapeutic value was to be had in this drinking session, its not going to happen now.
"You want to tell us what's on your mind?"
Shen's voice snaps me out of my meditative stare into the empty glass. Silently I hold it out for refill, noting how he's filled it much less this time.
"Nothing on my mind worth mentioning."
"Not even the boyfriend?" Anji probably remembers the time I last knocked back a glass. It was over a bad break up.
"You wouldn't believe who he was." I burst out in giggles imaging the shock that would cross their faces if they knew.
Shen discreetly refills my glass. "Who was it?
"The Martian Manhunter."
I burst out in hysterics, the shock on their faces priceless.
"The green alien?"
"What?"
"The Martian guy?"
"Are you serious?"
"Shennnnn..." my shaking hand holds out the glass for another shot.
Anji snatches it away. "God no! You're not gonna get knocked out till we hear all about this!"
"What?! Nooo!" I'm at tears over being denied the alcohol, a misplaced emotional response that my friends recognize instantly. Shen pulls me to his side, running his hand over my arm while Anji gives my hand a squeeze.
"Tell us love. What happened?"
I wearily recount what happened, my unwillingness helped along by Anji and her strategic alcoholic motivation. I hate this woman!
By the time I'm done my heart is as wrecked as my sense of balance, face pressed into Shen's chest I close my eyes, no longer wanting to face anything. "I miss them... I miss my sisters and I miss him."
The gentle rubs across my back encourage my tears, Anji having excused herself to wash her face. "Shen.. I really miss him."
Shen is silent through my whimpers, his body all wrong in the comfort it's offering. J'onn would have wrapped me in his arms with his cape surrounding me, he would have pressed his lips to my forehead with a promise of protection, his scent alone would have comforted me. Pulling away from Shen, I drown my last glass for the night, both of us knowing this will knock me out.
I'm lifted off like a bride and carried into my new bedroom. My best friend puts me to bed, tucking me in and combing his fingers through my hair. "You'll be fine in the morning.. Get some rest."
His soft voice is nothing like the deep, echoing baritone of the Martian Manhunter, I scrunch my eyes and bury my face in the pillow to catch that fading scent of spices and rain, maybe I'll dream of him tonight. Any dream of him will do.
When I scramble out of bed to throw up, Shen is there to hold my hair back and offer me water. He's also there the next morning when I finally wake up to the events of last night. Aspirin and water are waiting for me at the table, my hangover playing havoc in my brain.
"Feeling better?" his voice is thankfully low.
Throwing my arm over my face I block out soft light in the room. "Feel like road-kill."
"Come on, you need food."
"Why're you still here? Didn't you go home last night?"
"Just. Now move your ass."
Stumbling out of bed, I'm guided to the kitchen where Shen has somehow managed to fix toast and eggs without burning down the house.
"Since when can you cook? You used to mess up boiling water!"
"Just eat woman!"
I give him and the breakfast a surreptitious glance. It doesn't look weird.. In fact the toast looks normal, hmm tastes alright too.
"How'd you manage this?"
Shen turns a fetching shade of pink. "Anji taught me..."
Snickering into the toast I ignore the threatening glare he sends my way. Sobering up to the reality of this morning I catch his eyes in mine. "Thanks Shen, for everything.."
If its possible he looks more uncomfortable, "Its nothing."
By the time Shen leaves, I'm back in bed, face buried in pillows that smell less like J'onn and more like alcohol. The piece of paper that Superman gave me is lying next to me, the number scrawled on it already memorized, I wish I had a reason to call him but I'm not certain exactly what number he gave me. Is it his personal cell or the justice league line? Unwilling to find out I simply retrace the numbers over and over. Is J'onn watching over me? Is he burdened by loss as much as I am burdened by his?
I've made peace the with silence in this house. No squealing laughter of my sisters, no various objects strewn about and no one to drag me out of bed for breakfast. The house is pristine, constantly clean, a result of my agitation for lack of things to do. The school holidays are drawing to an end in a few days, thankfully that'll give me something to focus on instead of this emptiness.
I have half a mind to quit my job and take a blade to my wrists but somehow the Martian's voice pulls me back from such thoughts. Did he mess with my head when he recreated those walls?!
Shen and Anji drop by regularly over the final week of school holidays, making sure that I'm not dead or dying and that I've eaten. Shen also drives my car over, it being the only thing that escaped the fire after having been parked at the curb. Its hardly been three meals a day but I don't have the heart to tell them that, instead I focus on keeping a calm and collected appearance, not giving anyone room to crowd me into anything.. In some ways I feel like I'm trying to be J'onn, trying to emulate his detached, unapproachable air and his black slate of a face whenever he is with others. Even back on the watchtower, he never showed as much emotion to his fellow teammates as he did with me.
The change in me is not unnoticed by my friends, both of them giving me space whenever I straighten up with blank eyes. And so this is how I report to work the following Monday only to met with more people who judge me behind hushed whispers. At least my students have the spine to ask me outright whatever they have on mind.
"Ma'am! Did the Justice League really punish you?"
Talk about misconception... "No Tony, they didn't punish me, they cleared my name."
This prompts another student to pipe up with, "My mommy said that they were just covering you up."
"Has the Justice League ever covered up for anyone other than me?"
"Umm no."
"Exactly, see, it wasn't a cover up. Besides Superman would never lie now would he?"
Its amazing how the Superman has cemented such an image of honesty. If Superman says the world is shaped like a turtle then it must be so. Blind faith in an image, its useful in this scenario but I doubt its any good for the safety of a planet.
This goes on for the rest of my classes, getting progressively worse the higher the grade I visit until finally the blessed bell rings. End of day one in hell. The desire to quit has multiplied with every hour that has passed till I've snapped enough to draft a resignation letter. Scowling aggressively enough to be mistaken for the Batman, I walk out of the building, the fire in my eyes discouraging my coworkers from approaching me.
Grumbling under my breath at humanity and its lack of anything humane, my march to my car is blindsided by solid knock to the back of my head. Panic and fuzziness pulling me under.
