Hello my dear readers,
I apologize for the very long delay in updating this story but somehow I just couldn't find a way to continue it until today when for the first time I experienced the type of reaction from a man that I could imagine J'onn bestowing. So here it is, this story is going to pick it's pace back once more and hopefully keep flowing. Thank you all for your patience and for the Faves and Follows. They mean the world to me.
Disclaimer: I still have no rights over J'onn.
"J'onn..."
My voice sounds broken even to my own ears and I can see how it affects him. His already somber face taking on a pained frown, J'onn gently rubs his hands across my back, the tender touch contrasting wildly with the lust filled groping hands of my attackers.
Is this to be my new life? To always be cursed with the memory of rough, self centered touches of three men even when I'm in bed with another man? To know that I can never spend a precious moment with my lover without being plagued by unpleasant memories. My mind feels defeated in every sense of the word, tears remaking their appearance as I shut my eyes to block away the pain on J'onn's face.
He doesn't offer any empty words, mind already having tracked my thoughts, instead he brings me into his chest. It feels like hours before I finally feel grounded enough to look up at the alien's red eyes.
The dreams that fill my mind are unfocused, never sticking to one image and through it all I can feel the presence of another's mind in mine. Whenever the images turn dark, they are pulled away. It is an odd sense of awareness to know that you are dreaming in your dreams but it helps my troubled mind release its tight grip and succumb to a deep sleep.
The next time I open my eyes, I am faced with an empty bed and lots of blankets. The fuzzy memories in my head pull me out of bed to look around the room, distantly I am aware that J'onn must be close and I make my way on what feels like autopilot into the adjacent door leading to a well-lit bathroom. In the space of ten minutes I manage to fill the bath tub and slip into the water, the ghosting memory of unwelcome touches making me want to burn it off my body.
Turning the knobs on the hot water faucet till the water turns scalding but the touch doesn't get any lighter. The slow rising steam in the bathtub is dizzyingly beautiful, pulling my attention to the wisps and curls as it floats up, leaning back I follow the trail with my eyes, head resting on the rim of the tub. Sleep tugs gently at my eyes. Would I feel it if I were to fall asleep and slip under the water? Would I wake up or would it be an effortless, eternal sleep?
This intriguing question doesn't get its chance to be tried out. J'onn rushes in through the door, slipping wordlessly behind me in the ridiculously hot water till my head is cradled into the crook of his shoulder. A deafening splash of water signals his body settling fully into the tub.
"What are you trying to do, little one?"
"Nothing.." I whisper into his throat, whishing desperately to be dead.
He eases the hot water tap off, hands slowly gliding over my arms to firmly turn me into his chest. Silent tears track down my face, my desires to run away from my memories having failed. He doesn't make a sound when my breathing hitches, simply tightens his arms around me, tucking my head under his chin. The silence is broken periodically with my soft whimpers, the only sound which makes him react with soft soothing noises whispered into my hair.
J'onn pulls me out of the tub after my clenched fists loosen against his chest. A white fluffy towel is wrapped around me as he leads me to the bed, a tray of fruits and toast taking up the spot I occupied last night. His soft encouragement to eat is met with my blank eyes, stomach unhappy with the thought of food. Patient and cautious hands tug me into his lap, a soft slice of peach brought to my lips.
A few seconds of coaxing later he's managed to get food into me, my mind having wandered during his feeding, I gather my courage to make a request.
"J'onn can you erase my memories?"
My soft words are met with widening eyes immediately filling with horror. Oops. Looks like I touched a sensitive topic.
"I would never do that to you." His hands cup my face, determination etching itself into his features. I can tell there's no budging him on this without some serious effort.
"Why?"
"It is a punishment reserved only for the greatest offenders on Mars. I will not subject you to it."
The heavy conviction in his tone is supported with his tightening grip, mind occupied by the cruelty of taking away memories. Frankly I'd consider it a blessing.
"J'onn-"
"No. You do not know what you ask nor how this will impair you."
"But they are in my head.." my beseeching tone falls on deaf ears but his warm hands rub along my back till my erratic breathing and desperation seep out of my body.
"I can help with the memories little one, but I will not erase them."
I'm guided to lay down while the Martian looms over me, his red eyes glittering as his fingers bury themselves in my hair. The familiar touch of his mind warns me of what is to come, his mind going through all my thoughts, sorting them out like a video editor would trim the edges of a film to remove what he doesn't want.
Grodd and his three henchmen get fuzzier as J'onn continues. Their words and touches becoming distant, like a memory that is nearly forgotten but available should the need arise. Although I can't figure out how this is better than completely erasing the memory, my trust in the Manhunter is absolute enough to accept him without question.
In time I have faith that he will detail out his reasons but for now, with the state of affairs, it is more than sufficient. The fading memories bring a sense of relief which makes my body relax further till I can feel sleep pulling me under. J'onn's fingers encouraging the muscles in my body to relax as they work their way along the knots in my shoulders.
