"So you want to book a termination?" The GP asked Kate during the appointment she had arranged in the following days.
"Yes I think so," Kate replied, keen to get it over with before she changed her mind.
"Forgive me but you don't sound very sure," the doctor observed.
"No I am," Kate replied trying to sound more confident. "This was unplanned. A stupid one night stand,".
"I understand," the doctor said. "I know mistakes can happen, but I will remind you that having unprotected intercourse with a stranger isn't recommended," she advised. Kate wanted the ground to swallow her up. "Should we be booking you in for an HIV test or checking you haven't picked up any sexually transmitted infections? It's best to pick these things up as early as possible,".
"It's ok," she replied. "It wasn't a stranger. He was my best friend. Just not anymore. Sleeping with him was a big mistake. It's ruined everything,".
"That's a shame," the GP commiserated, detecting Kate's sadness at the situation and reached over to squeeze her hand in comfort. "It's not fixable?".
Kate shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know," she admitted as tears collected in her eyes. She would have given anything for a hug from Steve right now and him telling her everything was going to be ok.
"Does he know you're pregnant?". Kate shook her head. "It might be a chance to get back in touch,".
"I'm not sure," Kate hesitated. She had a feeling it could make the whole situation worse if that was possible.
"Well look, let's book you in for the termination and you can think about whether to tell him or not. This is a big decision Kate, and you need some support through it all. Don't try and cope by yourself,".
Kate listened to the doctors advice but knew she was going to have to do this solo. The sad truth was that now Steve was no longer in her life, she had no one else to call on.
A few days later, Kate found herself in a hospital gown, waiting to be called through for the procedure. She had told Jo she was popping out for a dentist appointment and would be back later that day but Jo had told her to take the rest of the afternoon off which Kate was quite thankful for now.
She hadn't seen Steve despite the GP's suggestion; a decision she had thought best at the time, but now as she sat there, she began to regret it.
"Kate, we're ready for you now," a nurse said gently as she appeared at her side.
"Ok," Kate said, but didn't move from her chair. What was she doing? If by some miracle there was ever a chance at reigniting her friendship with Steve, she was going to have to keep this a secret from him otherwise she was fairly sure it would be the end of them forever. She wasn't sure she could that. "I don't think I can do this," she found herself confessing as she started to cry. She was crying a lot these days. Bloody hormones all over the place.
The nurse could see her patient wasn't scared of the procedure, more she was torn over whether to do it or not. It wasn't the first time a woman had second thoughts at this late stage as it suddenly hit them about what they were about to do. "That's ok," she said gently as she gave Kate some comfort. "You have to be absolutely sure that this is the right thing for you. Better to be sure than do it and have a lifetime of regret,".
"I'm so sorry for wasting your time,".
"Don't be silly. I'll just go and tell them you've changed your mind and I'll come back and have a chat, ok?".
"Thanks," said Kate as she wiped her eyes.
"Here you go," the nurse said as she rejoined Kate a few minutes later with a cup of tea in hand. "I always find a cup of tea offers a lot of comfort," she said as she handed the drink over to Kate.
"Thanks," replied Kate as she warned her hands on the hot liquid gratefully, blowing on the surface to cool it before she could drink it.
The chat with the nurse turned in to quite a long conversation with Kate unburdening herself of all her troubles. Talking it through with someone again, she realised that she was definitely going to have to go and visit Steve. Her GP had been right. She would feel better if she informed Steve of their situation. They could talk it through and if they decided that a termination was for the best, it would be easier for her to go through with it if she knew it was a joint decision.
Deciding to bite the bullet immediately she headed to Steve's on autopilot, not really concentrating on how she got there, more how she was going to tell Steve she was pregnant after their night together. She arrived at his place in the late afternoon. Looking at her watch Kate knew he would still be at work. As she stood there contemplating what to do, a resident of the same building came out the main door and Kate took the opportunity to enter the building and head to Steve's flat.
She knocked on the door and listened for any sign of Steve being home. As predicted there was nothing but silence. Kate knew she was going to have to wait for him. If she left she would lose her confidence to confront him and would be in an even worse situation than she was in now
Just then she remembered that she could wait in comfort instead of the hallway. After Gill Bigelow's unveiling in being involved in OCG activity, Steve and Kate had realised the criminals had penetrated the police force much more extensively than they had ever thought possible. They had given each other keys to their cars and apartments in case their safety was ever threatened and they needed a place to hide or means of escape.
Searching in her hand bag she was relieved to find that she still had Steve's keys on her. Deciding that whilst being pregnant didn't quite meet the criteria that her safety was compromised, it certainly was life changing, and she felt totally justified in letting herself in. In no way was this breaking and entering.
Steve's flat was just as it had been every other time she had been there. It even smelt of him even though he was absent. She closed her eyes and took in the comforting fragrance. God, she missed him so much.
The light was beginning to fade by now and intent on making herself another drink and perhaps find something to eat whilst she waited, she headed to the kitchen, following the familiar route. She reached her destination and flicked on the light- stopping dead at the sight that greeted her eyes.
Steve's apartment was usually pristine- he was almost a little obsessive in keeping his place neat and tidy. Therefore she knew something wasn't quite right when she saw the state of his kitchen.
Littered everywhere was the detritus of many a take away meal and a whole multitude of empty bottles of wine, beer and lager. Maybe he wasn't doing as well as she imagined he was since their separation? She walked up to one of the kitchen surface tops. "Bloody idiot!" She swore to herself when she saw there was also packets of medication scattered amongst the alcohol bottles.
She didn't need any medical knowledge to deduce that his back must be playing up. What on earth was he doing mixing strong pain killers and alcohol? Her protectiveness over Steve kicked in straight away despite them not being on the best of terms.
She remembered when he first came back to work after his injury how she had fussed over him like a mother looking after her small child. And after he'd confided in her that he didn't know whether he would ever be able to walk again, how she'd taken charge - attending all his appointments with him, making sure he'd followed his rehab plan to the letter despite all his whining and griping that he was too tired to do all the exercises the physio wanted. Slowly he had got there. She felt incredibly guilty that she wasn't there to help him this time.
But at least it gave her something to do whilst she waited for Steve to return instead of just sitting on the sofa nervously. She would tidy his kitchen and she set about doing just that. By the time she was finished there was a full black plastic bag of rubbish to be thrown in the bin. Steve's glass recycling had increased a substantial amount and the place smelt nice and clean instead of like a stale curry.
She checked her watch. Six thirty. Surely he wouldn't be much longer? She made herself a well deserved cup of tea and headed to the sofa to wait.
