A/N: Kelly's POV that takes place in chapter 23 of CitC, after the boys come back from Heaven. Enjoy!

Chapter 20: Being That Rock (Kelly's POV)

"And I know
I don't say it enough
I've been down on my luck
My love
But I'll be fine in the morning
Next to you"
- Next to You by Little Big Town

My phone buzzed with a text from Dean, telling me to meet him out front. It was the first I'd heard from him in a couple of days, and I had no idea they were coming by. I stepped out onto the porch in time to see the Impala pull in. Sam got out, passing me with a quick hello, as he headed into the house. Dean stayed in the Impala and kept it running, waving me to hop in.

I was barely buckled in when he took off back down the road at an alarming speed. I looked at him, his knuckles white on the wheel, his face dark. I stayed silent, not sure what to say. My suspicions on them going to Heaven seemed true, even if I didn't know all the details. He eventually pulled down some side roads, finding an isolated spot and cutting the engine.

He undid his seatbelt in a quick motion and pulled me into a rough, urgent kiss. I felt his hands fumble to find my own seatbelt before he released it, throwing it behind me. In a fluid motion, he lifted me to straddle him in the driver's seat, resuming his kiss while biting at my lips hungrily. He started to push off my jacket, and I helped shrug it off, his passion contagious. His hands slid up under my shirt and along my sides, lifting my shirt and flinging it into the backseat. The motion broke our kiss.

We stopped and stared at one another, I could see sadness plain on his face, his eyes darker than usual. I pulled him back into a kiss, more gentle than before. His kiss moved along my jaw and down my neck, his hand running up my bare back.

In another fluid motion, he had me laying on my back, bracing himself over top of me with one arm. His free hand was working at his own belt, I responded by pushing down my own pants. I pulled him down into another kiss as he closed the remaining gap between us.


It was quiet all around us, night had fallen silently while we had sex. Dean was still half on top of me, his face resting against my chest, with a blanket covering us that he'd pulled from the back seat. He ran a finger along the side of my bare thigh absentmindedly, sending a shiver through me. His voice was barely above a whisper when he finally spoke.

"He doesn't care."

My brow furrowed and I briefly wondered if I'd been sleeping and missed part of the conversation. "Who?"

"God. He's not coming to help us."

My heart dropped and my thoughts spilled out in a thousand directions. If God didn't care with the apocalypse looming, were we screwed? Was I doomed to die again? I reigned in my thoughts, trying to control my panic. I reached up, running a hand through Dean's hair, before resting it on his cheek. He closed his eyes and leaned into my hand. He seemed to relax, very slightly, at my touch. "Did you meet him?"

His eyes opened, and he looked down at me with a sad smile on his face. "We met Joshua. He speaks to God, and God's done with us."

I pushed myself up, leaning my back against the passenger door, Dean shifted up with me. "What exactly happened?"

Dean filled me in on them dying, their travel through Heaven, the near capture by Zach, and meeting Joshua. He ended by telling me that Cas returned his necklace, but he threw it out.

"You did what?"

"What's the point? It's useless to find God."

"It was from Sam, right? Not useless."

His face darkened, "I doubt Sam will care. I wasn't even in any of his happiest memories. And his best memories? Some of my worst. How...how can I-" He cut himself off, rubbing a hand across his face to brush away tears. I felt hopeless watching him this hurt. Dean had kept me from sliding into dark places myself since I arrived. He had faith things would work out, even when I felt myself faking it. I realized it was now my turn to be that rock for him.

"You know your brother loves you, even if he doesn't always show it the same way you do. As someone outside looking in, you two always have each other's backs, even when you don't think you do. But you don't have to carry the burden alone. It's not all on you Dean."

His voice came out harsh. "This is on us, Kelly. Sam and I. We did this, and we've fucked up so bad, even God doesn't want to lift a finger to save our asses."

"I get being pissed off. Trust me. I've been there, both back home and here. When I was a ghost, do you know how angry I was? I wasn't religious, but to be left like that, with no higher powers intervening?" I took a deep breath, pushing back the darkest memories, "but then all of a sudden, poof. I'm here and I'm alive again, but now we have angels up our asses about being gatekeepers. Through all that, though, even if God here doesn't care? There has to be some bigger play here. I have to believe that. You have to believe that."

Dean was silent in response. I didn't really know what else to say. My chest felt hollow, not even sure I believed my own words, even if I had said them seemingly with conviction.

He finally looked at me again as he spoke, "I won't let you get hurt. You have my word."

"I know that. And we'll figure this out. All of us. Together." When he remained silent, I took his hand in mine, "I mean it. You don't have to carry this alone."

He didn't speak again, but kissed my forehead and pulled me into his chest.