Disclaimer: Star Wars is the property of George Lucas LTD and Disney. Anything you recognize belongs to one or the other.
Author's Note: First off, I'm so grateful for all the support and I love seeing everyones take on the prequels, especially Hayden and Anakin. These two have meant the world to me for so long, and seeing love to them makes me so happy! We're stans here, and we're also going through out DILF era (ie: Hayden and Ewan obsession times). I have responses at the end for my lovelies, but please enjoy this chapter as I hope to have the next one out soon!
this is a cold war / you better know what you're fighting for.
—janelle monàe, "cold war."
"No!" Padmè exclaims firmly.
They're sitting on the couches and Anakin tenses across from her, beside him, Obi-Wan and Typho frown. Sabè sits beside her and places a comforting hand on her leg.
"Milady," Sabè begins but is immediately cut off.
"No!" Padmè says again, her voice firmer than before. She glares at them, "I won't allow you to use them as bait! I won't risk anyone else!"
Typho sighs. "Senator, this is their job. This is why we have them."
Padmè's dark eyes blaze when she snaps her head towards her captain, her nostrils flare and Anakin had never seen her emotions so open, not even both times he's seen her cry. Sure, he always knew what she felt in the force, but this was entirely unlike her, and he wasn't surprised. He hadn't really expected her to go with it, not after Yanè and Dormè. Maybe before, but certainly not after five deaths. "Do not speak of them as if they're disposable, Captain," she said, a clear threat hung in the air and the man bowed his head, clearly somewhat ashamed.
"You know I do not see them as such, Padmè, but I don't want people to have died in vain because you refused to be kept safe," he said, a wave of anger in his voice.
Padmè flinched as if struck, and looked away, a frown marring her features before she bit her lower lip to keep it from trembling.
"Our hands are yours, Padmè. You know this," Sabè said quietly, the old vow hanging true in the air and Padmè's breath shook and shut her eyes.
"You'll be safer on your home world, in hiding," Obi-Wan said softly. "I'll go to Kamino, gather any intelligence I can. We will deal with this situation as quickly as we can, Senator."
Anakin felt a surge of anger from her as she looked pointedly at a painting hanging on the opposite wall. He understood, and he agreed. Now that two more had died would Obi-Wan and the council do just as they'd wanted from the start. He felt his own surge of frustration but clamped it quickly. It wouldn't help to point out the obvious, that because of inaction people had needlessly died because nothing in their current situation would change.
Padmè turned back, her eyes red-rimmed and full of unshed tears. "Then I will return home. Thank you, Master Jedi," she said with an effort to keep the bitterness at bay as she stood and took off to her room. Sabè sat still on the couch, looking between the three men.
"I will stay here with Ellè and Eirtaè," Typho said. "Sabè and Rabè will leave first on the ship and go towards Alderaan and stay there for a while." The captain turned to Anakin, "And you two will pose as travelers to Naboo."
Anakin nodded, and Sabè nodded numbly. He could tell the younger girl hadn't really heard it, but knew the assignment all the same. She had a job to do, and Anakin knew both girls would do it well.
Sabè stood up, but instead of following Padmè, she left the suite, claiming she wished to be alone before leaving for Alderaan.
The mood was full of anguished and silent tears, and when Typho left to ready the crew and ship for Rabè and Sabè, that was when Obi-Wan turned to the taller man, his arm crossed in defense, but Anakin said nothing.
"We'll travel on the commuter rail heading out before dawn. It'll be like she never left, which will help Ellè's cover," he said, not looking at his master but towards the window, as if observing the traffic. His own arms were crossed over his broad chest, and while he gave nothing away beyond a tense jaw, he knew his master could sense the unpleasant feelings he harbored, the bitterness and regret, and his own sadness at his new fallen friends.
"Be careful, Anakin," his master said gravely, "I sense a lot of conflict in you."
"I'm not conflicted, Master," he said sharply, turning to look down at the older man, his blue eyes full of fire. "I followed your lead, and now both women are dead."
"So you blame me for this?" Obi-Wan asked, his brow raised and arms crossed tighter, his own anger churning but it was nothing compared to Anakin's.
The boy didn't even deem the question with a response as he turned from his master and began to go towards the hallway. "Be mindful, Anakin. Your stubbornness and anger get you nowhere."
Anakin paused, his back tensed and he felt Obi-Wan tense and prepare for a physical fight, but Anakin didn't even so much as scoff before heading into the hallway.
He saw Rabè exit the senator's room, tears flowing down her face as she turned to him.
"Anakin," she gasped, pawing at her cheeks feebly and he felt her embarrassment keenly. "Sorry, she wishes to be left alone for a while."
He nodded and looked at her, his own eyes full of emotion, letting the younger girl see them clearly. "I'm sorry, Rabè," he said sincerely.
Rabè looked at him, more tears welled in her brown eyes and she looked so young. While Sabè was fierce and a natural-born leader, Rabè held her own as a second in command. He'd seen her be messy, prideful, and uncaring of much, if any formalities, and seeing her like this hurt him. He wished he could do something to ease her pain, but there was no magical cure. They had lost an old friend, a sister, and there was nothing he could do or say to ease that burden.
She bowed. "Thank you," she whispered before hurrying off to cry in private. He tried to ignore the pain he felt when he returned to the sitting room, Obi-Wan had gone, most likely double-checking security and making sure they weren't being watched. Anakin let himself be lost in the force and sensed nothing as he went to the balcony, his head bowing to the railing and letting the cool durasteel clear his head.
He felt utterly powerless, and he hated it. If he had listened to his instincts, maybe they would have been spared. If he wasn't so chained to the rules and flawed ways of the Jedi and had walked his own path weeks prior, things may have been different.
Clenching his fists, he paused, turning when he felt her come into the sitting area.
"Sorry, I don't want to interrupt," she said and he gave her a faint smile.
"You're not," he assured Padmè. "Your presence is soothing."
She joined him, leaning herself against the bars and looking toward the sky. It was so blue that it looked almost white, and he could sense her mirth as she looked down to the streets below.
"Yanè hated this planet," she said after a few moments of silence. "To be honest, I'm not that fond of it either."
He looked down at her, waiting as a wave of emotion took her under and he let her wade through it and compose herself, sensing her need to just talk, not be comforted. "I don't know how I'm going to face her wife to be — how I'll face any of them," she said closing her eyes and tears slipped down her cheeks. "Sachè means the world to me, and to have to tell her…"
"It's not your fault," he assured her and took her small hand as more tears spilled out.
"Isn't it? Isn't all of this because of… something? Something to do with me?" She curled her fists and pulled her hand away. "I know it's the separatists! I should've let Sabè and Rabè check, but I didn't want to cause trouble —" she made a noise and covered her mouth, trying in vain to hold back her sobs. "I should've done more! Fought more!"
He grabbed her and held her tight. "Don't, Padmè. Don't. It won't change anything, and besides, we had to follow orders, play the game," he said, his own bitter emotions seeped through like a dark miasma surrounding him. He hated seeing her like this, and besides, she was right.
He'd heard Sabè and Rabè's theories and feelings, he'd listened to the handmaidens where Obi-Wan had refused, stating their job was to follow their orders, and he grit his teeth at their inaction. At the councils' inaction, and their willingness to always let the chips fall where they may if it wouldn't hinder them to do so, and he hated how he'd be reminded to rejoice and celebrate Yanè and Dormè's lives and deaths, because now, they too, were with the force.
He gripped her tighter and let her cry into his tunic. She clutched at him desperately, as if he alone could help her remain sane in her overwhelming grief.
She shuddered and gasped at the air as she pulled back and looked up at him, her cheeks red from sobbing and embarrassment at her supposed weakness, and he thumbed away stray tears.
"Why don't you go rest, Padmè. I'll come to get you in a few hours to pack," he said quietly and without thinking, he bent down and kissed her forehead. Both paused, and both were red-faced when he pulled away. He didn't regret it, not even when he looked into her worried brown eyes. He thought she was going to say something, but instead, she nodded and went inside.
Watching her walk away, he rubbed the back of his neck. He didn't regret it, but knew he shouldn't have done that to her, and maybe to himself.
Sighing, he turned back to the traffic, a true conflict began stirring inside him as he realized how grateful he was that he'd be away from Obi-Wan and the council for a while.
oOo
Anakin woke her a few hours later when the sun hung low and set the sky ablaze. She went to wash her face as he stood in her room. When she returned, comb in hand as she brushed her hair, he was using the force to levitate one of her ornate knickknacks. She knew she should reprimand him, but there was very little in her apartment she cared about beyond her holobooks and paintings from local artists in Theed and her village. Most of the things here had been given as gifts, and were far beyond her taste, the ornate ball included.
He floated it and seemed to be almost playing a game, and she watched quietly, brushing out a tangle from her hair with fascination. She had never seen someone use the force so casually, and despite all that had happened today, she smiled at the sight.
He lowered it gently and returned it to its base, smiling sheepishly at her. "Sorry, I shouldn't do things like that."
She put the comb on her dresser, "I don't mind, and I won't tell."
His smile widened as he went and grabbed her bag and placed it on the bed. She knew she should get the girls to help, but she couldn't find it in her to care about such decorum and procedures. Besides, all of her clothes were back home in her childhood bedroom, and she didn't want to bog them down if they were traveling as regular people. Anakin had more to worry about than some dresses and jewelry, anyway.
She opened the wardrobe and he stood by the window, idly watching the sunset across the buildings, admiring how it set them ablaze as the sun reflected off the chrome.
"I do not like this idea of hiding," she said to him, feeling she could be open and honest with him. "I worked for a year to fight the militia bill, and now I won't even be here to see it through. It feels wrong, and it's putting Ellè and Minister Loo at so much risk for something I've done." She bit her lip, "It feels cowardly."
He turned to her, "Now that the council has allowed an investigation it won't take Obi-Wan long to find intelligence on this bounty hunter," he assured her, his voice hard and tinged with anger as he looked back out the window, calming himself.
Padmè folded a dress, watching him. She'd noticed it weeks ago, but there was a darkness in him. She'd never known a Jedi like him; he was open with his feelings and didn't seem inclined to follow the rules he clearly broke, if Obi-Wan's lecturing was any clue. To be honest, Padmè doubted there had ever been a Jedi like him before. It made her curiosity spark, but there was no way to breach the topic. At least, not without it sounding insulting.
She could tell he was powerful, and maybe too powerful for the councils' liking.
"It's frustrating that they allowed this to go on," he said, unable to keep his anger in. "I am sorry, Padmè."
She looked at the dress in her hands. Her folding was atrocious and she felt a punch to the gut when she thought how Yanè would turn over in her grave if she saw it. Those thoughts would never be welcomed again. She felt him move closer, and her chin was gently raised, and she looked up at his blue eyes, and she thought of her planet. They were deep as a lake but bright as a sky, and she broke first.
It wasn't right. For so many reasons, more than they could count.
Her emotions were high, and so were his, and he was technically under her staff, and beyond that, she was a senator and he was a Jedi. She knew his rules, and attachment was forbidden. Padmè didn't believe, not even for a second, that Anakin would see her as a fling, and somehow that made it worse to even tempt fate like that. Their silly dreams of romance couldn't bloom, she wouldn't let it.
Admittedly, it frustrated her to, once again, like everything else in her life, be the mature one.
Growing up, she had to be pragmatic and mature while Sola had summer loves, and went to dances, and painted. Padmè was the one Ruwee believed would be a leader, a great politician, and she had exceeded all his expectations. Somehow, though, it never felt enough for her father. Her life felt on hold, and still, she clung to her father's approval like a simple pet, and she could never confide in anyone about it. Not even Sabè. Now, here she was, younger than Anakin, keeping the romance at bay for his sake.
Yet she couldn't resent him. Not really.
Looking at him, she knew he'd lived a hard life, somehow. It was surprising, since most Jedi didn't have such an experience. They lived in a temple, kept the peace, and traveled here and there to moderate minor skirmishes, but she wouldn't say their lives were hard, but his had been. It was the way his hands were calloused well beyond his master's, it was in the darkness that resided within him, and the haunted look hiding in his blue eyes that told her he'd seen a lot. It made him that much older than her, but he also felt younger with his arrogance and pride.
Sometimes his arrogance embarrassed her. She'd witnessed Obi-Wan put him in his place many times since the job began, and it made her wonder how successful the push and pull of their relationship could be. Obi-Wan demanded respect, and Anakin felt he hadn't earned it, that much was clear.
Did he hate Obi-Wan? She wasn't sure, and she didn't want to ask.
"We don't have much time," she said, placing the haphazardly folded dress within the case. "I want to see Rabè and Sabè off." Her gaze drifted to the door, wishing she knew exactly what she'd wanted at that moment, beyond staying. She knew Typho was right. If she died, it would have all been for nothing, but risking what was left of her family, it made her heart squeeze painfully.
"Sorry, Milady," he said, not sounding sorry at all. She eyed him, and he gave her a playful grin.
Despite knowing she shouldn't, she gave him a small smile and turned back to the wardrobe, knowing they'd have to leave soon.
"When we get to Naboo, I have to report to the queen," she said. "Then I need to see…" she was unable to say it and knew he understood. She had to see Sachè, the families... everyone. "I know it'll delay us," she went on, putting more dresses in the case, not even really looking. Whatever she didn't like, she decided to leave behind in her room on Naboo anyway. "But I need to do this, it's the only honorable thing I can think to do."
He nodded, "That's fine."
She paused, her hands in the case, and a shaky breath left her lips. "I can't com Sachè about this…" Before, Padmè had tried, but it felt so wrong to say this news over a com. It felt cruel to not be able to comfort her, knowing Sachè's apartment only held her and the kids for now, for always possibly. She shut her eyes, unable to handle it as she let herself fall to her knees, the weight of what she'd be doing crushing her. "Either way feels wrong."
Anakin made a gesture like he wanted to move toward her, but thought better of it as he watched her. "I think you're making the decisions that feel right for the moment," he said diplomatically and she eyed him. "There is no easy way to do this, Padmè. You and I both know that. This situation is far from ideal, but you're doing the most humane thing you can think to do."
She got to her feet and shut the case. "Hopefully Obi-Wan obtains the information needed sooner rather than later," she said, her tone acidic.
He nodded. Then he paused and sighed. "Obi-Wan's back. I'll get a quick briefing before we go. Sabè and Rabè will leave first, and then I'll escort you on a speeder. No one should notice us, but just to be safe."
Padmè nodded, "Okay. I'm going to go check on them, and see if they need anything."
They both left the room, going in separate directions, but somehow, she felt his eyes on her and she found it hard to fight that pull to him in that instant, but kept moving. Attachment was forbidden to a Jedi, and they both had a job to do. She wasn't going to lose her head over this, and she'd be damned if he lost his.
oOo
When Anakin joined him, Obi-Wan turned, arms crossed.
For a moment, they stood in silence, as if sizing one another up. Then, Obi-Wan spoke first, "Anakin, when you depart, please do not do anything without first consulting either myself, or the council. Hopefully, this will all be over soon, but you both are to stay on Naboo. Understood?"
He felt the bristling of anger before seeing it in the tension of his apprentice's shoulders. "Of course, Master," he said, bowing his head slightly in almost a mocking fashion.
Obi-Wan's jaw tensed, but he let it go. He had enough of his padawan's defiance for a lifetime and turned to see Padmè exit the hallway, handmaidens following behind.
Sabè was saying something to Ellè about keeping an eye on Gunray and the Trade Federation. "If they so much as sneeze suspiciously, com me," she said sternly.
Obi-Wan intervened, "Sabè she will do no such thing. You all have your orders," he said sternly.
Rabè glared up at him. "With all due respect, Master Kenobi, Ellè, and Eirtaè will remain alert. We're on the precipice of a civil war, and if I even get wind of the scum who did this, I'll personally put a blaster bullet through their skull."
"Revenge will not bring back your fallen comrades, Rabè, nor will your defiance," he tried to reason.
Rabè's jaw tensed for a moment, then she gave him a bitter smile. "You keep your beliefs, and I'll keep mine. I'm not searching for any salvation here."
Both Sabè and Padmè touched her arms, an understanding flowed through them.
"With all due respect, order or not, I think it wise for Eirtaè and Ellè to stay on their toes," Sabè said, her tone as unmovable as a mountain. And with that, Sabè threw her arms around Eirtaè's neck and whispered something in her ear. When they pulled back, both had tears in their eyes and Eirtaè nodded.
With that, the girls made their way to the lift and the Jedi followed. A young pilot saluted both women when they came before the silver Nubian and they bowed to him. He took their bags and hurried up the ramp.
"You're both all set. Quinton and Ollè will be with you, and you should be safe," Captain Typho said to both girls, his face softening slightly with fatherly affection. "May the force be with both of you," he said to them softly.
They both bowed.
"And may it be with you, Captain," Sabè said before turning to Padmè. Both girls shared a long look full of love and trust, and suddenly they embraced, holding one another tightly. Rabè, Ellè, and Eirtaè fell in, the five embraced for a long moment before pulling away, each wiping tears from their eyes. "Be safe, Padmè."
"I'll have my Jedi protector with me, and he'll just have to prove how good he is," she said with a smile, looking at Anakin.
"Keep her in one piece, Anakin," Rabè said and Anakin nodded to her.
Turning to the ship, Sabè spared one final glance. "Send Sachè our love."
Padmè nodded. "I will. Hopefully, we will all be reunited and home soon."
Sabè gave a sad smile. "Home," she said, as if the word were foreign. "That'd be nice."
Rabè looked at Padmè, hesitating. "Don't burden yourself too much, Padmè."
Padmè paused, then smiled. "Me? Never."
The girls shared a grin before wishing Ellè and Eirtaè good luck and boarded the ship. Padmè looked on, a small frown crept on her face as the ship became a small spec leaving the atmosphere.
"What's wrong?" Eirtaè asked quietly.
Padmè shook her head, "I just have a bad feeling about this."
"We'll all be fine, Milady," Ellè assured her.
"I promise you, Milady, I'll get to the bottom of this plot quickly. You'll be back on Coruscant in no time," Obi-Wan said.
Padmè regarded him before smiling. "I appreciate that, Master Kenobi," she said before turning back to where the ship had vanished from. "It'll be like we never left."
.
.
.
A few hours later, Obi-Wan and Captain Typho escorted them on a shuttle to the departing ships, and suddenly they were on their own.
Anakin took Padmè's cases, dressed as a farmer while she wore a veil and coat, and as they walked toward the ship with Artoo following she found herself saying, "Now that we're here, suddenly I'm afraid."
He looked down at her, "This is my first assignment on my own, I'm nervous, too," he admitted, much to her surprise. She turned to him, and he grinned down at her. "We have nothing to worry about, though. We have Artoo with us, and he'll keep us safe."
She let out a tiny laugh as the astromech behind them beeped and whirled, as if confirming he'd do just that and better than his maker.
Obi-Wan and Captain Typho looked on as the two walked down towards the ship, frowns marring both of their faces. "I hope he doesn't try anything foolish."
"Believe me, Master Jedi, between the two of them, it'll most likely be her."
Obi-Wan spared another glance at the two, watching Anakin help her into the ship like a proper gentleman and tried to let it go. He needed to trust Anakin, to give him this, because if he continued down the path he was Obi-Wan was sure the consequences would benefit no one, no matter what the council believed.
Author's Note: Cheire: God, the movie he was nominated for, Life as a House, is such a good film, too. And I was way too young when I watched it, but I remember, like all things, being in middle school and seeing people use that movie to basically call Hayden a "whiny little bitch", and God, please spare me. Hayden is not only a great actor, he is heavily underrated. There are so many subtle choices he adds to his roles, especially Anakin, that I just love. Like from the moment after his nightmare, Anakin is very tired. He's a man beaten down, and when you really think about it, especially if you watch The Clone Wars, he's a man who has spent three years fighting a war. Anakin has seen his men die, he's watched his peers die, he's seen civilians die — there's a quote Vader says: "All I am surrounded by is fear, and dead men." not going to lie, that feels very Anakin at the end of the war. And worst of all, on top of trauma and PTSD, he's always dipped into the darkside, even as a kid. In legens and in canon, everyone always talks about how Anakin would fight on Tatooine as a slave, and in the comics he threatens his bullies lives with their own weapon, and then he slaughters the sand people, and now he's fighting a war and when Vader kills the separatists, while it's very evil, it also feels very justified. And Hayden's acting in that scene is so good. He literally changes how he has fought the entire movie. His strikes are precise, vicious, like a release he's been bottling in, and then, not to be a weirdo, but after he slaughters Gunray the way he turns off his lightsaber used to give me chills. It's so cold and callous, like Gunray wasn't even worth the plasma used to slice him down, and I love it. Also, as the Guest said: Hayden's acting when Padmè says she's pregnant is literally a man being overcome by joy and fear; joy, because he will be a father, and I don't think being a parent has ever really crossed Anakin's mind, but fear because he could lose the Jedi order, and I have a theory (I'm not sure if people have ever said this or not, tbh) that Anakin didn't leave the order because the whole reason he left his mother was to be a Jedi, so if he fails or walks away, he abandoned his mother for nothing. Also the sand line is cringey, I guess. It's never really bothered me, because let's be real: Anakin associates sand with his slavery, with his trauma, and the fact that people mock it like… fine, whatever. But we don't walk the same. Like will I laugh about it? Yeah. I've made jokes about lots of Star Wars lines, but to literally not understand it and say it's bad acting or writing… k. But god, I also love the scene so much, and I literally love what you have to say about it, because exactly! In some ways, Anakin does feel unworthy, but he isn't going to let that get in the way of something he wants, and in lots of ways, that's beautiful to me.
I love Hanleia, don't get me wrong. I love Han Solo, and I do wish the movies did more with Leia, I've always liked her (we're really really loving her now. The girls who know, know man!), but I'm a sucker for forbidden love. Anidala has a lot of cracks, and it shows in full view during the scene when Anakin confesses he feels lost. Padmè isn't even aware he's still stressed about his dream, or if he's had more since the one we see her confront him about. They don't know how to communicate, and that is their core issue. I'm reading the Brotherhood book by Mike Chen (highly rec if you want some Anidala feelings and Obitine feelings — I haven't finished it yet, but I'm devouring it because it's just a good author writing top tier Star Wars), and Anidala has fun and can balance one another out, but they see each other, tops, maybe a few days a month, if they're lucky. I think ROTS was probably the first time Anakin and Padmè could be together, and probably not as often as we think because Anakin would have to be at the temple to save face. You can't have a solid relationship like that. And I think the Jedi are wrong. I don't think attachment leads to the dark side. Kind of like in Avatar the Last Airbender, when the Guru tells Aang to let go of what attaches him to this world, it's not about never loving anyone or making connections, because as sentient beings that is impossible, even Yoda mourns his fallen order despite telling Anakin to rejoice in those who join the force, but it's about not being afraid to let them go. All things die, and because Anakin wasn't allowed to go back to his mother does he begin to feed into his fear of loss. Anakin knows he could've saved his mother, because he simply could have. Anyone in the order could've. If he'd gone a day earlier, or even a week, she could've been spared, and Anakin doesn't want to make the same mistake twice. The tragedy is Anakin killing Padmè, but it's also that, not once, did anyone but a man grooming him ever once consider that he needed compassion. Real compassion. And I think that's what Padmè showed him, even ten years later.
God, I do love that Padmè chooses herself first. She spends her whole entire life giving and giving and giving, and when the queen asks, she becomes a senator, and she does so much good and Anakin just makes her happy. I think, no matter how unhealthy you can argue Anidala is, they're just undeniably happy in each other's presence. There's a book, idk which one, I've just seen it on tumblr, but Padmè's doing a facemask and Anakin comes into her apartment and surprises her and she's like "don't make me laugh, this needs to set" and he begins telling her a joke, and it's literally the one that will make her laugh, and you can't deny that that is true love. They have their issues, and they don't always understand, but you can't deny how in love they are.
Guest: YOUR ANALOGY OF THE PODRACE! BRO, CAN I JUST SAY MY JAW HIT THE FLOOR! LIKE THIS IS SO PERFECT! EVERY SINGLE LAST DETAIL. I REWATCH THE SCENE AFTER READING THIS AND MY MIND IS LITERALLY BLOWN. OUT OF ALL THINGS, THANK YOU FOR IMPROVING ONE OF THE GREATEST SCENES! Also your Vader mask comment… me. Like Vader's mask any car ever.
I do like that take on The Chosen One, tbh! I do also like how, despite the arguments made, that Star Wars (even the sequels despite knowing the ending we know now) is truly a story about nobodies forced into greatness. Luke is just a farm boy who wants to be a pilot. He has no lofty ambitions, he just wants off the farm, and then he discovers he's the son of Darth Vader and is forced into a corner where he either must kill his father or be killed by him, but his compassion and his humanity (like in RoTJ when he calls Vader father when he surrenders himself, the pause Vader gives is so loud, like you can feel the weight of Vader's emotions, because Luke isn't afraid, and Luke believes in him and sees the man he is, not the machine he's forced to be) saves him. And with Anakin, it's the same. He's rumored to be The Chosen One, but everyone doubts it to some degree, even Anakin himself. The rumor bothers him in a lot of things I've read, and in AoTC we can see how frustrated he is. He's being held back, and it's kind of undeniable. The Jedi fear his power, but also think balance is in favor of the Jedi/light side, when it's not. Anakin was meant to be a gray Jedi, like how Qui-Gon (I think, don't quote me) and Ahsoka are.
I know his marriage might've been messy, and people credit Marcia for making the OT good, and idk if it's true or not because it's from the mouths of people who think PT sucks and Anakin is trash (and as I said before, you can't even find me an argument it's not because Anakin is being played for the fem gaze), but I am so glad he left and vibes on his farm. The amount of pure hatred during the PT era is so disgusting. I was so new to the internet, and I remember just wanting to vibe because ROTS was coming out and the adult fans at the time were out for blood. It was pathetic, and I'm glad Ewan and Hayden have returned and recognized that the fans loved them. I know people think sequels might have their PT era, but idk. And I don't say this as a hater, or ill-will, I just think it's apples and oranges. PT was hated by those who didn't get George wasn't writing a good guys/bad guys story of overthrowing evil and the heroes win. PT is about a fall of a democracy, and as I said, a lot of (white) men couldn't stand the mirror George holds up to my government. You can boil Vader's down fall happening in the span of an hour (so many people have said he throws away his morals in less than an hour, like again, please, spare me), but really, it's the story of a selfless kid being beaten down for ten years, and he's so dark and broody in AoTC, like Hayden is so tense and tired and angry, you see it on the balcony scene, when they confront the bounty hunter — he's just tired of the bs, and then, ROTS, he has nothing left to give. He wants to be happy. Yes, he's doing this for Padmè, but so many people forget that Anakin spends twenty years thinking he killed his own child, and that he truly didn't know if they survived the birth or if they die with Padmè. I don't condone what Anakin does, and I don't think the Jedi deserve it, but if you peel back Anakin's twelve years in the order, you kind of can't blame him when he's had enough. It's sad, and it's tragic.
Bro, that is so true! Like do I find AoTC to be the weaker movie in PT? Yes. Because I do like Obi-Wan going to Kamino and Anakin and Padmè in Naboo, there is a point where I feel a lull pre-Anidala stuff and Obi-Wan leaving, and I always wished it was tighter. That being said, I hate that they cut Padmè's family stuff. I think her story about the little boy on a dying planet she couldn't save is the perfect analysis for Anakin, and the acting in that scene is phenomenal. Padmè's tone is so full of emotion, and you can see how she's keeping her composure, despite how much the fact that all those people dying hurts her deeply, and it's a loss she carries with her, and the look on Anakin's face is genuinely sad. You can tell Anakin feels this loss with her, despite never knowing them, and those scenes just deserved to be in the movie — especially, also, the one with her dad.
I will die on the hill of Anakin and Padmè's first kiss. Padmè's wearing one of her best outfits in the entire trilogy, and the swell of the music and then how it cuts, then fades into something conflicted and sad. Also, Hayden's face, the small smile, the nervous anticipation — I don't care, I love it. If George wrote it and Hayden and Natalie acted it for one person to love, that bitch is me. Like I do love Hanleia's first kiss, and I love Harrison Ford, but I agree. I've said my peace on "I love you / I know" but c'mon. C'MON!
I won't lie, I don't see TCW!Anakin as "macho", just as arrogant and self-assured, which Anakin kind of is. Like Anakin has a lot of insecurities, but I don't think his talents are among the list. He's flirty, but he's 19-22 and he's having sex (and he's probably good at it), and that's pretty much like a standard dude vibe (at least the dudes I've known). In The Rise and Fall of Darth Vader, he reflects at one point on his former good looks, and he's self aware. And Anakin isn't above using his charm to get what he wants, which makes him a hypocrite, because when he's in a fake marriage he'll charm a slaver queen to get the job done, but Padmè it's a betrayal — and we circle back to insecurities, pisspoor communication, etc, etc, and he slaughters the Jedi and half the galaxy. It's fine! We are fine! *pours an entire bottle of wine* FINE! VIBES!
Also, speaking of "bringing an enemy" in the movie novelization which is based off the OG script that George approves of, Palpatine keeps planting seeds in Anakin's ear that Padmè hasn't been loyal, so it gives "you're with him" two meanings. But ngl, I don't fully buy it. Like I do, because Anakin is jealous by nature, but ya know. Though, also in the novel, he claims before Padmè rejects him that he wishes she had told Obi-Wan where he was so he could fight and kill him — so again, I can believe it, but it's also a highly irrelevant fact I know but tend to go meh to. But can we just say it? Now, again, there's nothing ROTS does that I do not love, because I will defend it all, but Obi-Wan and his timing? Anakin is high off the dark side, he's slaughtered actually children, you can literally hear the menacing tone (again, Hayden's "the Jedi turned against me, don't you turn against me! line? Still, to this day, and I've rewatched that scene thousands maybe nearly a million times, and it never ceases to scare me. Like I cannot imagine getting into an argument with Hayden, mostly because he's the sweetest dude to ever exist, but his angry faces? Bye. I'd need a pamper asap) and he decides to stand at the entrance so Anakin can beat his chest and watch as he slowly descends the damn ramp going "let her go" like what? Use the force, my dude. What the hell are you doing? It's neck-in-neck between Obi-Wan's slow model trot as a pregnant Padmè's getting strangled and Anakin not running up the hill for me. But someone pointed out that Obi-Wan is hella aware of his surroundings during his fight, meanwhile Vader is focused on the kill. Like Vader shuts the shield down in his swing to get Obi-Wan, and he's just trying to get in one shot, even if he dies in the attempt, and it just shows where Anakin/Vader was at that point, so Obi-Wan kind of wins in that race.
I definitely think Ahsoka and Obi-Wan (along with Padmè and Rex) are the closest people in his life. I think the war made the Jedi respect him, and see him as a peer, rather than the slave kid too old to train, and I think when he's on his knees telling Palpatine he can't live without Padmè, you're right: It's because she's seen him. All of him. Where as Obi-Wan and Ahsoka have seen Anakin lose it, they never really know Anakin's choked Poggle, or cut off the spider guy's arms, they just know he has a darkness they try to reign in. It's just sad because in the end, Anakin finds out the war he fought in was manufactured by Palpatine, he and everyone he ever loved and lost suffered for nothing, and then he, too, becomes a slave once more. I think by the end during Ahsoka's arc, the writing was on the wall, especially in the unaired scene where Obi-Wan and Anakin discuss it. Obi-Wan can't even admit the council's faults and you can just tell that if what played out hadn't happened, he'd have left and carried that shame with him that he let Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, and his mom down.
God, please continue to send me these things, I beg of you! I freaking love reading them, and I hope you all continue to enjoy the AU. I can't even express my love and gratitude, just know that I love you all! Thank you!
