Disclaimer: Star Wars is not mine. Star Wars is technically George Lucas's creation but is now owned by Disney. Also, some flashbacks are inspired by the Revenge of the Sith novelization by Matthew Stover. If you haven't read it, I do highly recommend it! Also, I refer to scenes from Star Wars: Vader's Immortal. It's a videogame, I haven't played it, but if you're interested look it up on YouTube, it's very interesting and also heartbreaking.


then

She had trembled in his arms, and he pulled her back, looking into her brown eyes. Padmè was rarely afraid, and he could sense a fear deep inside her. "What is it?" he asked quietly, cupping her cheek with his flesh hand, "you're trembling."

She licked her lips, trying to compose herself as she looked at him. "Ani… something wonderful has happened," she began, and her hand gripped his durasteel one, bringing it to her abdomen. "I'm pregnant."

He was quiet for a moment. It was like he'd been hit on stun, but had caught on mid-fall, during the freefall, before it was too late. Anakin had never considered fatherhood. Not really.

He knew Padmè wanted to be a mother, and desperately. They'd discussed it in the lake country all those years ago, before their marriage and their declarations of love. She had been commenting on how good he was with her nieces, how they'd liked him.

"You'd make a good father if you were allowed," she said as she picked a flower and twirled it in her fingers before adding it to the flower crown she was making. He watched her fingers weave the stems together, feeling the pity for him through the force.

He never dreamt of it. Maybe it was because he'd been a slave, and to bring an innocent child into such a life was cruel and unfair, and then, as a Jedi, attachment was forbidden.

"I never thought of it," he admitted and Padmè frowned, setting the crown upon her lap and running her hand against his cloak they'd been using as a blanket for their picnic. "You'd make a good mother, though. They adore you!"

Padmè gave a sad smile to her lap, playing with the fabric of his cloak. "I don't think motherhood is in the cards for me." She looked up at the sky, "Politics would keep me away, and raising a child on Coruscant…" She shook her head and sighed, but forced a smile. He could tell the topic made her sad, and he could sense how much she longed for a life that she, like him, felt out of reach — impossible.

He'd squeezed her leg, then, and she looked at him, smiling. When she put the crown on his head, it was lopsided and she laughs. When they roll down the field together, laughing, he sees a forever with her and wonders if she sees it, too.

Looking at Padmè, he watches her nervous eyes search his face, and he smiles. It's a real smile. He felt a surge of joy he hadn't felt in a long, long time. The war had been long. It'd been three years of death, destruction, and darkness, and he'd lost his padawan, someone he considered his own, but now. He touches her abdomen with both hands, his eyes fill with tears he chokes back. "That — that's wonderful," he breathes, and she smiles, but her smile has fear and she's unsure of the future.

"Anakin," she whispers, "what're we going to do?"

"We're not going to worry about this, right now," he said, stroking her cheek with the thumb of his flesh hand. "This is a happy moment… The happiest moment of my life."

They hugged one another tight, and he kissed her hair, letting her Force Signature, and their child's, sink into his very soul.


now

Rabè lets out a gasp. Leia snapped her head to her aunt, needing her aunt to remain steady, but Rabè is looking at this creature in horror. She's seen Rabè angry and happy, but never scared or sad. She'd heard Rabè cry before. Sometimes, when she told stories of her mother she'd pause and have to leave. Sabè cried, too. They all did, just never in front of Leia.

"N — No! No, you can't be!" she said, her voice choked and Leia's heart raced. Rabè's eyes filled with tears and she shook with an anguish so deep it pierced through Leia's young soul. "You — you can't be Anakin!"

Leia looked back at the masked man, her own tears flowing. She was afraid, and she was confused. Her father was dead! Her father was a brave hero, a kind man! This man had hurt her aunt, had almost hurt her!

"You're not my daddy!" Leia screamed, her voice hysterical, every bit of the scared little girl she was. She moved further away, going closer to her aunt. "You're not! You're lying!"

But somehow, Leia knew he wasn't. She could feel the truth, and she began to sob. Suddenly, her aunt scooped her up, rubbing her back. Leia could feel Rabè's tears, the sadness, and the confusion, but she leaned into her aunt, clutching at her.

"Shh," she tried to soothe. "Shh, it's okay, Sweet Girl. Shh."

Vader was quiet, watching the scene, and Leia could feel a conflict, could feel his rage and anger, and she could feel something else…

"Enough!" Vader hissed, and Rabè held her closer, but suddenly, they were pulled apart and Leia screamed for Rabè, fighting against the hands that dragged them away.

"Auntie! Auntie!" she was screaming, sobbing, and fighting at the invisible restraints. Vader didn't relent.

Instead, he turned his masked head toward the entrance, "Commander," he said, his voice loud and harsh, causing both Leia and Rabè to flinch in fear.

A shadow cascaded across the floor and they heard a "Lord Vader, sir," from above.

"Take both this woman and the other to my ship, leave the girl with me. Neither are to be harmed in any way. If so, the one who does will deal with me personally."

"Yes, My Lord!" Leia heard before a trooper jumped down and took Rabè.

"No!" Leia screamed, but Vader physically grabbed her. His grasp hurt. She knew there would be bruises on her forearms, and she let out a pained cry that he ignored.

"Stop it!" he commanded her, but she began to hit his chest piece.

"I hate you! I hate you!" she was screaming, and he grabbed her arms, forcing them to her sides. "I hate you! You're not my daddy! You're not! You lie! You killed him and my mommy!"

She tried to kick and bite, but he wouldn't let her. Instead, as if she were no more than a sack of goods, he picked her up and held her sideways, and restrained her with the Force. She screamed, cried, and called for Sabè and Rabè, but he ignored her, carrying her onto a ship that took off toward the atmosphere.


then

"It seems in your anger, you killed her."

His whole world collapsed before him. There was a pain Anakin had never known before, not even when his mother had died in his arms.

Padmè and his child, gone. Gone because of him. Him!

Darth Vader couldn't cry anymore. His eyes had been destroyed in the fire — he had been destroyed. Gone was the boy, left the monster.

Anakin was a husband and father-to-be, Vader was destruction, and Death come to life. His name brought fear and bloodshed. He was no father, no husband, and no one loved him, not even himself.

He destroyed everything, reliving the moments when he almost had everything he wanted.

"Come away with me! Help me raise our child, leave everything else behind while we still can!"

He wanted to. He dreamt it a million times. He'd get onto the ship, they'd fly far away, and he'd be a pilot. Padmè could do anything, and they'd have this child, they'd have more. They'd be happy.

"Don't you see, we don't have to run away anymore."

You fool! You absolute arrogant fool!

He gripped his head in his robotic hands, hating himself. He'd lost everything.

He thought of himself in the catacombs, when Padmè had been in his grasp, but she was lost to him. Forever lost.

"Ani… I'm pregnant."

"This child is a blessing."

He screams into the darkness, reaching far and wide into the force, desperate to find her, them.

"This is the happiest moment of my life."

He imagines a little girl. A beautiful girl, like her mother, with brown hair and long curls. He'd have given her everything. He'd have done anything for his daughter.

Jyn, he'd have named her. After Qui-Gon. He thought of Shmi. Shmi, to him, meant strength. His little girl would be strong, like her mother. Like his mother... Like how he'd once had been.

"Stop! Stop now, come back! I love you!"

Then he'd choked her. He'd felt her fear, heard her beg to spare their child, had felt the child's fear inside their mother's womb, kicking her, but he hadn't relented.

In his anger, he'd killed them. He had had all the power he could've ever dreamed of, a wife, a child, and he'd thrown it all away. Now, he was a prisoner, and worse: A slave.

Darth Vader couldn't cry anymore, and out of spite and pure hatred, he couldn't die, but there wasn't a moment since that day on Mustafar that he wished he had run with her and left it all behind.


now

Leia resisted him. She'd cried and screamed, yet she refused to give in to her exhaustion. If it weren't so annoying, he'd be impressed.

He thought of Ahsoka, then. He hadn't thought of Anakin Skywalker's padawan in almost eight years, yet all he could do was think of the little togruta and her stubbornness. Surrender hadn't been in her vocabulary, either.

Sabè and Rabè tried to break their restraints, but he told the officer to send them to the detention cell.

"I will deal with them personally. They are to be separated and guarded, but that is all. Do I make myself clear," he'd said to his troopers, eying them all.

They all saluted him, "Sir!"

No one yielded him as he carried the flailing girl to his quarters. They didn't stop walking as he passed them, their eyes didn't linger, knowing better. Vader would kill anyone on sight who bothered him now. He focused all of his patience on the girl — his daughterLeia!

Padmè had named her. They'd discussed names once. The memory came back to him, like curtains opening to a bright, sunny day. They had some choices for boys and girls, but they'd never officially decided on anything. Padmè loved Luke for a boy, Anakin, in truth, didn't mind what they'd called the child, as long as Padmè was happy, and both she and the child were healthy.

"Should we name them after your mother?" Padmè had asked him once. "She was a kind, beautiful woman. Everything we could hope for them to be."

Anakin had been touched, and he'd held her close, resting his chin upon her head, kissing her hair. "I think they should have their own identity."

Though there was a deeper truth: The thought of his mother brought him conflict. He was sad, anguished by her death, but there was something else: The slaughter. The Darkside, the way he didn't regret what he'd done, but reveled in it. It scared him.

"I like Leia for a girl," she said suddenly, playing with a curl by his ear. "It means heavenly flowers, and when I think of them being a girl, I think of the field by the waterfall when I first really saw you. When I first just let go."

Vader's eyes closed at the memory.

"Unhand me! I hate you!" Leia was shrieking as the door to his chambers opened and he stepped in, putting her on her feet and grabbing her arms.

"Enough of this!" he hissed.

"No! I want my aunties! I want to go home!" she cried.

He wanted to soothe her, wanted to hold her and comfort her, but…

"You will be silent," he snapped, rising to his full height.

She was tiny, just as her mother had been, but he was taller now. His artificial limbs were longer, and he was well over two meters, she barely grazed his waist. He looked down on her, really soaking her in again. Her braids were disheveled, and her brown eyes were red and puffy, but she looked like her mother, but she had Anakin's cheekbones, and she had his eye shape.

"No!" she snapped and ran to hit him, but through the force, she was restrained. "Take back what you said! You're not my daddy! You're not him!"

If asked, Darth Vader would've said his heart burned away on the lava shore on Mustafar, but he felt his heart threatening to shatter apart hearing her say this to him.

"I cannot," he said, watching her cry harder.

Leia shook her head, and he let her fall to her knees and sob into her hands.

"I'm," and he paused, watching her, feeling his heart break, "sorry, Leia."


then

"And the baby?"

"I don't know," he said, his voice breaking. He was afraid and touched his wife's cheek, not letting her fear what he saw. It wouldn't come true.

Not this time.

Not ever again.

This child was a blessing.

This child would have the life it deserved, even if he had to slaughter the whole galaxy to give it what it deserved, to save Padmè.


now

When he sedates Leia, he commands a cadet to get her a cot, blanket, and pillow. He tells the cadet to inform the troopers left on Chandrila to get Leia's things and leave them in his chambers. The cadet paused, but saluted and left, pleasing Vader as he turns back to his daughter. He scoops her up from the floor, cradling her in his arms as he sits down. His fingers have no feelings anymore. Unlike his robotic limb from years ago, these arms have no feeling. They work to his command, and in the Force, he'd made himself strong, but he was not the man he had been from before.

He wishes for the limbs he had, his eyes, just to look upon her and feel her.

He has torn the galaxy apart, killed millions, and brought fear to the galaxy, but here, in his arms, was proof he'd created something beautiful. He and Padmè…

"They will be the best of us," Padmè had whispered one night, when they'd finished making love and she was curled into his chest, his robotic limb around her, holding her close and playing with a curl that hung by her breast.

Looking at Leia, he knew that to be true.

The hyperbaric chamber was the only place he could truly be without his mask anymore, outside of a bacta tank, and closing it, he took the mask off.

He was a far cry from the picture she cherished, with scorched skin and yellow eyes, but he looked down at his daughter, clinging to her. She was a blurry image, but he kept looking at her, soaking her in.

Vader imagined her as a newborn, then. He'd have held Padmè's hand, encouraged her, kissed her, soothed her, championed her strength and will, and then his daughter. She'd have been tiny and pink, she'd have cried and it'd have been the most beautiful thing he'd ever heard.

He imagined her growing up: He'd have taught her about ships, and taught her the ways of the force; she wouldn't have been a Jedi. She'd have been her own person, free of the darkness he knew. She'd have been happy, roaming the garden Padmè had wanted, swimming in the lake, sitting in his lap as he read her books. He imagined playing with her, and how he'd always have let her win, and then, he thought of how none of the past mattered now.

He couldn't go back and be her father, he wasn't even sure if he could be a father now with all the blood on his hands.

When the troopers bring in the cot, he tucks her in and exits the room, turning to them. "Guard the door. If she awakes and tries to run, use this." He places a syringe in the hand of a trooper. "Shoot at her, and you will not live long enough to regret that decision."

Going down to the detention center, he eyes the troopers standing guard, searching their minds, seeing their ignorance of his true identity, and then says, "Leave us."

When they clear, he turns to both women. Both are standing, ready to fight and die for Leia, and he has enough humanity to appreciate that.

"What have you become?" Rabè asked him, and he sensed her anguish. She had mourned Anakin Skywalker. She had considered him a friend, once upon a time, he and Rabè had been equals. They'd been pilots, and fighters, and shared a determination that was masked by anger and rage to keep them focused. "What happened to you?"

Sabè was confused. The two had been unable to talk, and then hadn't dared in front of the troops. "What are you talking about? Who is this person, if not the one who killed Padmè and Anakin?"

Rabè's lip trembled. "He is Anakin. He told us so, in the bunker."

He felt Sabè go cold as she turned to look at him, her body trembling. "Wh — No. No!"

A long, long time ago, Anakin had been friends with Padmè's handmaidens. It had been practical, especially when she'd been pregnant, but he'd also liked them. He'd been close with Sabè and Rabè and Dormè more than the others. They'd always been around when he'd snuck in and when he'd snuck out. But now…

"I am what the Jedi made me — what Obi-Wan made me," he hissed, his anger tainting the air.

"No! Anakin would never kill Padmè! Never! You're a liar!" Sabè screamed, and he could sense her combing through all that she knew. Had Obi-Wan lied? No. He hadn't.

"In my anger," he hissed, "I did."

Sabè dropped to her knees, and suddenly she sobbed. "You betrayed us. You — you killed… But you loved her! I don't understand! Why? Why would you —!?"

Rabè, however, snarled. "You fucking bastard! You fucking evil, you vile —!" She was breathing hard, her fists balled, "We should have left you on Tatooine!"

Suddenly, Rabè was thrown into the air and she was gasping for breath.

"No! Rabè! Rabè! Anakin, let her go! Let her go! She doesn't — she's angry! Please! Please, Anakin, don't do this! Think of Leia! Think of your daughter!"

"SILENCE!" He roared, throwing Rabè aside. She smacked into the wall, but didn't raise and Sabè screamed. Rabè was alive, but unconscious. Vader's breathing got faster, and the detention center shook as his breathing increased, his anger too much for him to control.

Sabè let out a sob, getting as close to the bars as she could, trying to see her friend. She lowered her head, trying to control her tears. "Why are you doing this to us? To Leia!?"

Vader moved close over her, his shadow eclipsing her entirely.

"I want to know," Vader said, his voice dangerous and as quiet as the vocorder could allow, "how I exactly have a daughter if my wife died."

Sabè looked up at him, swallowing. "Obi-Wan brought her to me. He said you and Padmè were killed by a Sith named Vader, that I was to keep her safe and not let her fall into the emperor's hands… He said she'd be strong in the force and to keep her safe, and to never let her use it." Sabè's hands curled into fists and she lowered her head, tears spilling to the floor. "Please. Please don't give her to the emperor, I beg of you. Please!"

Vader was silent, and Sabè shivered, prepared to go to his feet, enslave herself, and do anything to keep Leia safe. Instead, Vader said, "I show you both mercy for Padmè and my daughter. Do not test my patience, Sabè. If either of you defies me, you will meet your end."

With that, he turned, and with a swish of his long cape, he was gone.


Author's Note: Thank you all for the love, hope you all enjoyed!