A/N: So sorry for the tardiness of this chapter. This story is probably going to end up being 4 chapters. I had a vision for this story and the more I write the more I realize it needs more. Hopefully, the next chapter doesn't take me as long to /
ENJOY
Silence
Never-ending Silence
The darkness was just as suffocating as the deafening silence that encapsulated the room around her. The rain was pounding harder against the roof causing Marinette's skin to crawl. Her battered body was still shaking with overwhelming anxiety, heightening all of her senses.
The moonlight shined through the window casting a silver glow in the room, almost enhancing the darkness creeping into her mind. Everything felt as if it was closing in on her. Each ragged breath comes in short gaps.
"Marinette you have to breathe slowly" Tikki's gentle voice sounds miles away, being deafened by the thunderous ringing in her ears.
Mess up
Failure
Words of doubt plagued her mind. Each word hinders the ability of her body to function.
"Just with me. In…..out…." Tikki rested beside her hand and stared into Marinette's eyes. Frantically trying her hardest, she forces her mind to focus on each breath, taking each one slower than the last until she could ultimately feel her heart rate slowing down. The ringing faded out, the itch of her skin dissipating gradually with each agonizing minute.
Once she was capable to regain control of her body, Marinette rolled onto her back and stared up at her ceiling. Her hand's mindlessly pulling at the threads of her rug.
"What am I thinking, Tikki? I can't know who Chat is! It's only the two of us now, if anything happens to the other there is no one else to help."Exasperated at the whole situation Marinette throw her hands up in the air, before grudgingly allowing them to fall back down.
"Who knows, Marinette, maybe this time will be different?"
"And if it's not, there is no way to undo it. For all, we know the universe could be destroyed."
"Marinette, I think it's time for you to know who Chat Noir is."
Marinette stared at Tikki, unsure of what to make of what she had just said.
Glancing over at her abandoned phone, she saw several missed calls from Ayla.
Marinette was hesitant to even face her friend. What would Ayla think about uncovering Chat's identity?
She knew Ayla would tell her that it would be alright, that she was still here for her. But, she needed to depend on Chat more than ever. But those words were the last thing she needed to hear right now. Her mind knew they were all true, but she didn't have it in her heart to believe them yet.
All of the choices she had to make wreaked havoc on her mind. Each one pulls on the strings in divergent directions. Could she face Ayla, what would happen if she revealed herself to Chat, How could she save the kwamis? The list seemed to be growing as the minutes passed.
The gravity of it all was setting in. All Marinette knew was that she felt as if she was standing in an explosion that was going in slow motion. She just needs time to stop, just to be able to think, to plan, just anything other than feeling this loss.
Snatching her phone, Marinette headed downstairs to the bathroom. She couldn't solve anything right now, but she could take a hot shower.
She scrolled through the numerous text that Ayla had sent before setting her phone on the counter. Ayla could wait just a little longer.
Reaching over she turned on the shower, twisting the knob to the highest setting.
Turning back around she gripped the edge of the counter. Marinette looked into the mirror, the reflection glaring back at her was a face with shallow cheekbones and eyes tainted with sorrow. A person she no longer recognized looked back at her. The dark sunken eyes sent a shiver down her spine. Turning back around quickly, Marinette took a deep breath before she began to undress.
Stepping into the warm water was like a calming breath of fresh air. Each drop washed away bits of her uneasiness. The warmth wrapped around her in comforting waves, relaxing every tense muscle. Frantically grabbing her soap, Marinette began scrubbing away the day's pain, trying to shut down any thought that popped into her head.
She stood there looking down at the floor watching the water flow down the drain. It was like watching her life slip away from her, grasping the reality she had known.
It wasn't long before the water turned cold and shocked her system. That's when the tears began to fall once more. Sink under the shower, Marinette curled into herself and let the coldness into her system. Allowing it to deaden the pain in her mind.
Marinette wasn't sure how long she sat there, long enough for her hand and feet to turn numb. It wasn't until she scarcely heard the door creak open and Ayla come in, that she felt the coldness in her bones. Both stared at each other silently communicating. Ayla reached in and turned off the water, before grabbing a towel and wrapping it around Marinette.
Carefully Alya aided her friend out of the tub, before running upstairs to grab Marinette a change of clothes.
As Marinette waited for Ayla to come back down, she sat on the edge of the bath. The cold ceramic edge bit into her already freezing legs. Mindlessly she began to bounce her leg, out of the necessity of trying to warm up and release the ever-building anxiety.
Marinette could hear Ayla upstairs opening and closing the various drawers, grabbing each item of clothes Marinette needed. It had been several more seconds before she heard Ayla's feet barreling down the stairs. Simultaneously, she heard the jingling of her parents' keys unlocking the door.
"Oh Ayla, How are you doing?" Sabine's voice echoed through the room. "We didn't expect you to be here this late."
"I'm good. Marinette and I were trying to finish a school project."
"Okay, well don't take too much longer. With everything that happened, you should probably be getting home soon."Tom's voice was filled with fatherly concern.
Marinette's heart clenched with pain as she listens to her parents and best friend talk about her failure.
"Is Marinette upstairs?"
"No, she took a shower. She forgot her clothes upstairs, so I was bringing them down to her."
"She is always forgetting something." Sabine let out a small chuckle.
"Marinette, we're home now. Your father and I are heading to bed. We love you. It's always good to see you, Alya, please get home safely."
"Love you guys too!" Marinette called out trying her hardest to keep her voice from shaking.
She heard her parents' bedroom door open and close. Listening carefully, she tried to pick out the muffled words coming from their room.
What would her parents think if they knew their daughter was Ladybug? Would they be disappointed? This thought scared Marinette, she never wanted to be a disappointment to her family. Yet sitting here, she felt like a complete failure. Would they even-
Her thought was cut short as Ayla opened the door. She was relieved to see her friend again. Ayla's presence was enough to calm the chaos that was plaguing her mind. Plus the warm clothes that she had brought with her were a bonus.
"Here you go." Ayla tossed the clothes toward her. "Meet me upstairs and we can talk."
Ayla quickly closed the door, leaving Marinette alone again.
Marinette slowly stood up, taking a deep breath, and letting the towel fall to her feet.
With aching muscles, she began pulling on each article of clothing. Marinette was surprised Ayla had managed to find all of her favorite comfort clothing right down to the oversized light pink knitted sweater.
Not wanting to waste any more time, but also dreading going upstairs, Marinette picked up the mess in the bathroom.
Snatching her phone off the counter, she looked at the most recent message from Ayla asking her to bring up snacks and drinks. Letting out a deep sigh, Marinette shoved her phone into the waistband of her leggings and headed to the kitchen to grab the requested items.
As gracefully as Marinette could, she carried the plate of snacks and drinks up the stairs. She silently thanked Ayla for leaving the hatch door open. Setting the plate on her desk, she turned around to find her friend curled up on her chaise.
The sadness and concern written on Ayla's face, made Marinette's insides twist even tighter.
"Marinette…." Ayla dragged out her name as she looked into her eyes.
Shrinking into her computer chair Marinette pulled her legs up to her chest and buried her face into her knees. She couldn't stand the look Alya was giving her. That look you give to a friend who just lost a family member, that face you use when you have no words to express your sympathy. It was the same one that Tikki had on her face since they had gotten home. It makes Marinette feel like she was broken. She supposed in a way she was broken, but she didn't need people looking at her like she was.
She didn't need nor want to do the dance of being told things will get better. Marinette just needed someone here, just to keep her sane. Someone to block out the silence that now filled the walls of her room, that mere hours ago was filled with energy.
"Don't look at me like that. Don't sit there and try to tell me that we will fix this mistake. Because you don't know we will. I messed up. I lost, Ayla. I lost everything." Marinette let go of her legs and looked up at Ayla.
The tears began to fall again. She winced as they touched the raw skin around her eyes. At this point, Marinette wasn't sure if they had ever stopped falling.
"Mari, how? How did Shadow Moth get them?"Alya asked as she got up and grabbed the steaming cup of hot cocoa and warmed cookie, before sitting back down.
Marinette knew Ayla would want to know what went wrong. It was the reporter in her that needed to know the facts. And Marinette could never fault her for that.
"I trusted the wrong person."
Marinette went to the full details of the steps she had taken that night. She explained her thought process and reasoning, hoping that Ayla would understand. As she began to describe Ayla everything, Marinette started to analyze every single action she did.
"I screwed up so bad, I should have known it was Felix. I shouldn't have given out another Miraculous until we took care of Risk. The lucky charm was a ticket to the zoo with a picture of a hippo. I should have realized it was telling me the akumatized object was there- "
Alya walked over and rested her hand on Marinette's shoulders causing her to stop rambling.
"Look me in the eyes when I say this."
Looking up at her friend, Marinette nodded her head. Stifling down the urge to continue prattling off all the things she could have fixed.
"Felix has fooled us all before. You couldn't have known that wasn't Adrien. Marinette what's done is done. We can't go back and change anything. You are going to make yourself go crazy if you continue."Ayla pulled Marinette up from her seat and pulled her into a bone-crushing hug.
"I know you don't want me to say it, but everything will be okay. While I can't be a superhero with you anymore, I will always be here anytime you need me. I promise you that we will get the Kwamis back."
Marinette clung to her friend, reluctantly letting her words slightly calm the anxiety in her mind. Ayla rubbed her hands down Marinette's back, trying to comfort her friend in every way possible.
It wasn't long before Marinette broke the crushing embrace and furtively wiped the tears from her eyes.
"You look like crap." Ayla let out a small weak laugh as she took in Marinette's apprentice.
Looking to the mirror on her desk, Marinette was once again greeted by the same stranger from earlier. Only this time her eyes had red rings of irritated skin around them from all the tears she rubbed away.
"Thanks." Marinette let out a small chuckle. Sitting back down in her chair, Marinette reached over and grabbed her now lukewarm drink. Taking a sip of it, she welcomed the distraction it brought with it, before setting it back down.
Tikki flew over and grabbed a cookie before resting down near Marinette.
Now that Ayla was caught up, and the anxiety running through her was quelled, it was time to come up with a plan. Marinette wasn't sure how much longer she could sit in this phase of uncertainty. She needs somewhere to look.
"We need to come up with a plan. We need to figure out how to keep in contact with Chat without knowing his identity. What to do if Shadow Month gets either of our Miraculous. And most importantly how to get the other Miraculous back." With a determined face, Marinette spun around in her chair and grabbed her notebook and pen. She was past feeling sorry for herself. She just needed to fix it. She needed to right the wrongs that she had made.
"Woah, slow down there girl. We need sleep. This can wait till tomorrow. We can't just jump into all of this."Ayla came up and rested her hand on top of the paper that Marinette had started to write on.
"But Ayla, we need them back. Who knows the damage Shadow Moth is going to cause."
Marinette tried to push Ayla's hands off of the paper. She looked up at her friend with a scowl.
"You are right we don't know what he will do, but Shadow Moth will need rest too. The battle took a lot out of everyone. We have school in the morning. We can't stay up all night trying to solve this. Tomorrow we can meet up with Chat Noir and all of us can come up with a plan."
Forcibly pulling her notebook out from Ayla's hand, Marinette stared up at her in disbelief.
"Ayla, you can't meet up with us, it's way too dangerous. Even if you still had your Miraculous, it would be too risky."
"You may be right, but it's too late to have this argument. We will meet up after school."Alya reached up and adjusted her glasses.
Marinette knew Ayla was right about the fact that they needed to sleep. But sleep meant to silence, and never-ending darkness. The thought alone caused her heart rate to spend up slightly. Turning away from her friend, she looked out the small window. The clouds had started to break apart, and the light of the moon was slightly peaking throw. The rest of the world continued to move and change, but Marinette felt like she was frozen in time. Forever stuck feeling like she was drowning in the weight of all the responsibility that had been placed upon her. But in the end, Ayla was still correct, nothing could be fixed tonight.
"Okay," Marinette replied as she turned back towards Ayla.
"Will you be okay tonight? I can stay over if you need me to."
"No, go home. I promise I will be okay. I have Tikki." Marinette tried her best to force a smile. Ayla had already done enough for her. She didn't want to cause her friend to worry anymore.
"If you are sure. Just don't be afraid to call if you need anything." Ayla reached down and hugged Marinette one more time before saying her last goodbyes.
Marinette watched as her friend shut the trap door with a soft thunk.
With Ayla gone, a desolate eeriness feeling began to settle over the room. Marinette pulled her leg up and wrapped her arms around them.
Quite.
Too Quite.
"Marinette?" Tikki hesitantly called to her.
"I am fine, Tikki," Marinette mumbled into her legs. Closing her eyes tight and clenching her teeth, she took a deep shaking breath in. There would be no more tears tonight.
After taking in several more uneasy breaths, Marinette finally uncurled herself from her chair. Cautiously she began to turn off the lights in her room before making her way to her bed.
The moonlight cast shadows of the window frame onto the blanket that she had pulled around her.
"Tikki?" Marinette whispered out to her companion. Reaching out with her hand, she let the light reflect on her pale skin. She watched as the light shifted as moved her hand.
Within seconds the red Kwami was settling next on Marinette's pillow, near her head. Letting her hand fall back down, Marinette turned slightly to look at Tikki.
"You said I should Chat's identity. Why? How is that going to help us? Won't it just cause more problems, create more risks?"
" I know after today taking a risk sounds like a bad idea, but this is a risk you should take. I can't give you all the answers, but I believe this should be done. Now try to rest Marinette. Tomorrow will be another long day."
Tikki closed her eyes and drifted off into peaceful rest, leaving Marinette alone with her thoughts.
Staring out the skylight, Marinette watched the few stars twinkle in the sky. With each little spark, they let off she could feel the anxieties in her mind start to creep back in. Knowing that the sleep she so desperately needed would never come, she began to try and list the first steps of her plan. But with every creak and shift of her room, Marinette opened her eyes to look around. Wishing that each time she would see one of the Kwamis and this day would have been a bad dream. But those wishes would never come true.
Turning on her stomach, Marinette tried to ignore the restlessness feeling in her body, before she flipped back to laying on her back. This had gone on for several minutes before she finally sat up. Running her hands through her hair in frustration, Marinette wanted to let out a scream. Holding her head she watched as a tear fell and hit the blanket. It was like a dam had broken once again. There was nothing she could do to stop the tears from coming down. But this time for a different reason. All she could feel now was this insatiable anger.
Stop
Just STOP
The pent-up anger clogged her nervous system. She merely wanted to hold back the tears. Biting down on her tongue, she hoped the pain would restrain the tears from inevitably falling. She began counting until she could feel the anger dissipate. Ploddingly she had taken in a few shallow breaths before she laid back down. Hoping that the residual anger left would be gone by the morning.
Closing her eyes one last time, Marinette prayed that she would have the strength to fight off the nightmares that were inevitable.
