(See the first chapter for disclaimer, notes, spoiler, etc.)
Chapter Fifteen: "Whisper and Hush"
Casey
"She wanted me to call the police, but I called the doctor instead. He came over and it took awhile, but Evy and I convinced Olivia to take the sedative he brought with him. Mostly Evy." He sighed and gripped the steering wheel. It had been a late night and by the time Evy reported that Olivia was sound asleep, he was too wired to sleep. He had tossed and turned fitfully until it was time to go pick Sean up at the airport. Even then, he still arrived more than an hour early and spent the time pacing the cell phone waiting lot.
"Evy just texted back that Mom is still asleep," Sean sighed, slumped in the passenger seat and gripping a paper cup of coffee. "When I asked her if she thought Mom had a nervous breakdown, she sent me the angry face emoji."
He sighed deeply as he merged onto the exit ramp. "She- she took what happened last night really hard. She got really scared." Her reaction reminded him just how young Evy was. Not that much older than Allie.
"Do you blame her?" he asked, his voice muffled against the plastic lid. "She's never had to see Mom like that before." A long moment of silence went by before he admitted, "I called Caitlin."
He nodded as they sat at the intersection, watching the glaring red light of the traffic signal. He expected as much. It was a chicken shit move, but he didn't want to be the one to call her. "What did she say?"
Sean's sigh segued into a groan as he sucked down more coffee. "She's wants to FaceTime with us when I get to the house."
"But, she's not coming, is she?"
"She wanted to. She wanted to drive down with Rory today, but Charlie wouldn't let her."
With a sigh of relief, he accelerated through the intersection as he glanced at the clock on the dashboard. "That's good. She shouldn't be traveling. Not yet." But, he was also relieved that he wouldn't have to play referee between her and Evy. Things were still tense between his sisters.
The next few minutes passed by in comfortable silence before he heard his brother clear his throat. "Do you think it was a nervous breakdown?"
He felt his hands clench around the steering wheel, the ticking of the turn signal as he made the right onto Ocean Avenue. "I don't know, Sean," he finally admitted. "I don't know."
Olivia
Morning. Sunlight. Quiet.
My eyes blinked open, the sheets and blankets heavy over my body. I watched the morning sun creep across the ceiling as I licked my dry lips. I hadn't felt this groggy in years. Not since the awful days when I would wake up hungover, covered in sick, and with the feeling my skull was only a heartbeat away from cracking open. I closed my swollen eyes and took a deep breath, trying to remember what happened. Something had to have happened for me to feel this horrific and confused. A moment later, I gasped and my eyes opened.
I remembered.
I hadn't forgotten again.
With a shuddering sigh, I kicked the covers back and pushed myself up. "I remember," I whispered as I rubbed my face awake. "Gregory had a headache that morning."
My feet padded across the floor as I walked into the bathroom. I braced my hands on the marble countertop as I stood before the sink. The mirror hung before me and I watched the way my expression changed as I said softly, "We liked the villa. We made an offer."
An absurd giggle rose in my throat as I watched the woman in the reflection beam. I still remembered. These memories hadn't disappeared as quickly as they reappeared. They were still with me. "Gregory made sure Sofia knew we wanted to move in before the end of March," I murmured as I brushed my teeth.
As I splashed cold water onto my face. "Van Morrison in the rental car as we drove back to the hotel. All the night's magic seems to whisper and hush."
As I ran a brush through my hair before I clipped it back. "The black SUV hitting us."
As I reached for Gregory's robe hanging behind the bathroom door. "We rolled down the hill."
As I tightened the belt around my waist and hurried back through the bedroom. "They said they needed to get Gregory from the car too."
As I rested my right hand over my heart, relief flooding my veins. "He didn't burn to death."
As I opened the bedroom door and heard Evy shriek as she fell backward and landed at my feet. "I remember," I sighed as Evy moaned and rubbed her head.
Evy
Her knees were drawn tight to her chest, a poor cushion to her arms and head as her back pressed against Mom's closed bedroom door. She had sat on the floor in the hallway all night. Listening. Waiting. Worried. Scared. Had she even slept?
With a low groan, she sat up and rubbed her bleary eyes. Next to her right hip, her phone vibrated against the hardwood floor. She glanced down, seeing the screen illuminated and displaying a text message bubble. Sean. She tapped the screen and read his message. Do you think Mom had a nervous breakdown? She frowned, sucking in her breath as she picked up the phone and sent an emoji reply.
No.
No.
NO.
Their mother was not crazy. Their mother was not unstable. Their mother was not having a breakdown.
Thank God it was Casey who picked Sean up at their airport and not her. She might have punched Sean if he asked her that to her face.
The bright screen stung her eyes and she winced, lowering the brightness as her phone buzzed again with another text message. Benjy. Are you ok? With a tired sigh, she tapped the Call icon and held the phone to her ear. The line rang twice before she heard him repeat, "Are you ok?"
"I mean…" she whispered into the phone. A sob rose in her throat and she shook her head, not that he could see. "No."
Her teeth caught the tip of her left thumb as he asked, "Want me to come over?"
"Yes. No. You better not," she sighed breathlessly. "Sean took the first flight out of Seattle and Casey went to pick him up. They'll be back any minute, I think."
A long minute of silence went by and she heard him ask, "Are you sure? I don't have to come inside. We can talk in the driveway. I just- I'm worried about you."
Her heart skipped a beat as she nodded. "I'm just tired…and scared."
"I know," he said softly.
She sniffled and wiped her eyes. "I sat in the hallway outside Mom's bedroom all night. Nothing happened, but-"
"You're worried about her."
She nodded and rested her pounding head against Mom's bedroom door. "I've never seen her like that before," she admitted, letting her heavy eyes close. "Manic. Not making sense. She kept insisting that she wouldn't go to sleep because then she'd forget everything again." Mom wouldn't take the sedative the doctor left until she burst into tears and begged her to swallow it. She remembered the way Mom's expression fell as she reached out, her palm cool against her cheek as she sighed. Promise me, Evy. If I forget everything in the morning, you'll tell me everything. You'll remember for me. Promise me.
"Sean must be worried too if he came down from Seattle. Is Caitlin coming too?"
She opened her eyes slowly, Mom's pleading voice echoing in her exhausted brain. "Don't think so," she murmured, "but I'm sure she'll make her presence known."
"Be nice," he said and she heard his car's security alarm chirp.
"I'm always nice," she muttered. "You going to work?"
"Yeah, but I can-"
"No, no." She switched the phone to her other ear. "Go to work." Her heart seized as she asked quickly, her voice sharp, "Hey. Have you seen your dad this morning?"
"At breakfast," he replied. "Don't worry. I didn't tell him what happened with your mom…and I won't."
A grateful sigh rose in her throat. "Thanks."
"You don't have to thank me, Evy. I would never say anything that would hurt you. You or your family." Her eyes turned up slowly and her skin rose to goosebumps, instinctively knowing what was coming. "I love you," he said softly.
She bit the corner of her lip, unable to hide the smile on her face. "I love you too," she whispered.
He didn't say anything, but she heard the way he inhaled. She felt his smile in the silence that stretched between. "I love you," he repeated, happier than she'd ever heard him before.
"I love-" The pressure of the wood door behind her back disappeared and she was suddenly weightless as she fell backward. Her back slammed into the floor and her head followed a moment later. "OW!" she groaned, her skull throbbing as her iPhone clattered out of her hand.
Momentarily stunned, she looked up, seeing Mom standing over her. Mom's face was perplexed, as if she was surprised to find her laying on the floor. But, all she said was, "I remember."
With a groan, she pushed herself up and reached for the phone. "Benjy, I got to go," she said, ignoring the way he worriedly called her name. "No, no, I'm ok. But, I gotta go. See you tonight." Ignoring the aches and the stinging newfound circulation in her legs, she stood and rested her body weight against the doorjamb. "You're awake," she gasped.
Mom's smile was amused as she pressed the back of her hand to her forehead. Like she was five years old and needed to be checked for a fever. "Why were you on the floor, darling?"
"I-" she began as Mom kissed her cheek as she breezed past her. She spun around, watching Mom go down the hall. "Mom!" she called out, limping after her on her barely awake legs. "Mom, wait!"
Sean
He followed Casey up to the house, listening as Evy's phone went straight to voicemail. "She's not picking up," he announced as Casey unlocked the door.
"Mom, wait up!"
They stepped into the foyer as Evy's voice echoed in the stairwell. A moment later, Mom stepped off the last step and flinched in surprise when she saw them. He dropped his overnight bag and rushed to her. She seemed older since he last saw her a few weeks ago. Somehow. "Sean! What are you doing here?" she gasped as he threw his arms around her. He felt like a child again, throwing himself into her arms after a nightmare or later, a fight with Dad. She cupped his face, gazing deep into her eyes. "Darling? What's wrong?"
Concerned for him. Confused as to why he'd be here. As if last night hadn't happened. "Mom," he croaked, hugging her tight against him. "Are you alright?"
She chuckled as she nudged his face up so his eyes were even with fine. "Yes, darling. I'm fine." She smiled back at him, her blue eyes bright against her pale flesh. Her palms were a familiar warmth against his cheeks as she sighed, "Darling, I remember!"
"Remember, Mom?" he asked as his chest tightened. Her hands fell from his face only to take his hands a moment later. She led him over to the sofa, talking a mile a minute. As he sat next to her, vaguely aware of Casey and Evy behind them, his eyes never left her face. Her eyes darted and shone as she squeezed his hand insistently. He watched her closely, looking for the old signs he couldn't help but force himself to recall on the plane. The unnatural pallor. The fogginess in her eyes. The slur of her words. The unsteadiness in her walk. The way she reeked of alcohol. He sighed sadly, beyond ashamed that he found himself looking at her the way he used to when she drank. "Wait, what? What SUV?"
She sighed, the first sign of annoyance he'd seen from her. "The one that hit us, Sean!"
He wrenched around, looking to Casey and then Evy. Casey stood sheepishly, his hands buried in the pockets of his shorts. But, it was Evy who gave him pause. Evy, who looked so heartbroken she suddenly reminded him of Caitlin. Caitlin always took it personally whenever Mom fell off the wagon. He turned back around, finding her watching him expectantly as she waited. "Mom, when you were in the hospital, the police told Casey and I it was ice. The car skidded on black ice."
She moaned, suddenly frustrated as she threw his hands away. "No, Sean! I remember! I remember it was cold that day, but it was a mild cold. There was no ice on the road. There couldn't have been!"
"Mom, I-" he croaked.
"Darling, I remember! I REMEMBER! Why don't you believe me?" she cried, looking at him and then past him to Casey and Evy. "Why don't any of you believe me?"
Caitlin
"She said what?" she asked, clutching her newborn daughter to her chest. Rory's eyes were closed and her lips were pursed as she slept soundly. So far, the infant was undisturbed by the video chat streaming from her tablet propped up on the kitchen table.
She squinted at the screen as Sean's phone was passed from him, over Evy, and to Casey. She could tell they were in the pool house, sitting on the sofa. He cleared his throat and said diplomatically, "She's upset that we're…doubtful…of what she's remembering."
The video shook as Sean took the phone back. "She's not making sense, Cait. What Mom's saying can't possibly be real."
Her throat tightened, his words sinking in as she heard what was unspoken. What she saw in his face. Sean was afraid. Slowly, she nodded as Evy leaned into view. "But, it's real to her."
The back of her index finger rubbed against Rory's silky soft cheek as she asked, "What do you mean?"
Evy took the phone and she felt her younger sister's gaze as deeply as if she was sitting in the kitchen with her. "I just…" she sighed, rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand. With another deeper sigh, she tried again. "I mean, she's been driving herself crazy trying to remember what happened the day Dad died. She wants so desperately to remember. You and Sean don't know what it's like," Evy continued and she felt an annoyed flush go through her body, "to just see her sitting there with this vacant and sad look on her face. She's been that way for months."
"Evy-"
"I mean," she said, like she hadn't heard her, "Mom wants to remember something. Suddenly, finally, memories are there. Does it matter if they're real or not? They're giving her peace."
"Of course it matters!" she hissed, glancing quickly down to make sure Rory was still asleep. "This isn't a good sign that she's delusional and convinced that something impossible actually happened!"
Evy's expression turned as she held Sean's phone closer to her face. "You didn't hear her last night, Cait! She sounded so relieved and grateful! She-" her voice cracked as she sobbed and shook her head. "She told me she was so relieved to know that Dad didn't burn to death in that car. Did you all know that? She's had nightmares FOR MONTHS of Dad screaming as he was burned alive."
"Jesus, Evy! Enough!" she exclaimed and she felt Rory's little body tense up in her arms a moment later. Tears burned her eyes as she whispered, "Damnit."
"Why are you mad at me?" she heard Evy marvel and she looked up to see Sean take the phone again. "I'm only telling you all what Mom said!"
Luckily, Rory stayed asleep and she gently shifted the little girl against her chest, her small head beneath her chin. "Sean?" she asked, hearing how tense her own voice sounded. "How does she look?"
He shook his head. "I don't know. She-"
With her arms shielding her new daughter, she heard herself ask a question she would've thought unthinkable just a few months ago. She needed to get straight to the point, like Daddy would've done. "Does she look like she's drinking again, Sean?"
There was a loud gasp and the video shook as Evy grabbed the phone. Her expression was thunderously twisted as she angrily insisted, "Take that back, Cait! Take it back!"
"Evy," she heard Sean interject at the same time she replied, "It's a legitimate question, Evy. You don't have to like it."
"Mom's not drinking!" Sean took the phone again, angling it so she could see Evy turn to their other brother. "Casey, tell them! You've been around Mom every day, just like me! You know Mom isn't drinking!"
"You don't know what she was like when she drank, Evy," she heard herself say, her voice tight, as she watched her sister turn back. "You got her when she was sober. You never had to trip over her bottles of vodka. You never had to put her to bed when she was drunk, hoping she wouldn't choke on her own vomit. You never had to watch Daddy hold her up beneath a cold shower to get her conscious. You never had to go to sleep wondering when or if she would come home alive."
Evy's face fell and she looked suddenly younger than her nineteen years. Her chin trembled as she blinked her brown eyes. Daddy's eyes. "Mom is not drinking," she said, her voice flat, "and I'm done with this."
"Evy, wait!" she heard Casey call out a moment before she heard the pool house door slam.
She lowered her face, breathing in the sweet smell of Rory's head. She could feel her own heart pounding in her chest, wondering if the pounding would disturb or comfort her sleeping child. "Jesus," she heard Sean say.
"Listen, for what it's worth, I don't think Olivia is drinking either," Casey said softly.
She nodded, watching as her two brothers suddenly filled the screen. Brushing her long hair back, she listened as Sean quickly said, "I checked Cait. There's alcohol in the house – I mean, there always was, even when Dad was alive – but Casey said nothing's gone suspiciously missing the last few weeks."
With a sad smile, she suggested, "She was always good at hiding her liquor. Remember when Daddy made a game of it? It was Hide and Seek, but what we were looking for was Mom's secret stashes of alcohol. He said we would make her better if we found it all."
"Cait-"
"I don't want to think Mom has started drinking again," she whispered against her daughter's head. "But, you said she sounded manic. She's not making sense. She had some kind of…episode last night." And, she wasn't there for it. She hadn't been home in months. And, it would be several more weeks, at the very earliest, when she would see her mother again. When she could be there to take care of her. Finally.
Casey cleared his throat and leaned forward. "Cait, you were with Olivia up until two days ago. How did she seem to you?"
She sat back thoughtfully, replaying the three days Mom and Evy were in Sonoma. Mom was excited to meet Rory. Solemn as she listened to the significance of her new granddaughter's name. Affectionate as always with Greg, Mikey, and Blake. "She seemed…almost like herself." A spasm shook her throat as she explained, "Like the way she was before Daddy died."
Casey and Sean both nodded, mulling over her words. "Maybe. Maybe what happened last night was just…stress."
"Stress?" she and Sean asked in unison.
"Stress from trying so hard to remember what happened and not being able to. Stress because Gregory's will is being challenged by one of his former mistresses. Stress because AJ and Ben made a play for control at Liberty. Stress because of Evy. I mean, God, stress because Gregory's dead and she's still upset. The way we're all upset." There was a long moment of thoughtful silence before Casey finally said, "Maybe she needs to see a therapist."
There was another interminable silence, but she was the one who broke it. "Ask Bette for a name. Someone we can trust."
A/N: The lyrics Olivia sings are from "Moondance" (written by Van Morrison).
