Chapter 8
(Alice's POV)
The moment Edward left, I mentally sighed. He really knew how to put a damper on things, didn't he?
I quickly got off my seat to go after him but turned to Bella before doing so.
"I'll be back, do not even think about leaving yet" I warned her, knowing she would take the first chance she could to go home. She couldn't go home yet, there was still so much we needed to catch up on, but Edward needed a good talking to right now.
"I won't I promise"
As I walked out, I gave a quick nod to my husband knowing he needed to have this conversation with Bella. Both of them needed this.
It didn't take me long to find Edward, he was in the middle of the forest just breaking down a bunch of random trees and killing random animals. I can just imagine what he was thinking about.
I quietly approached
"Go away Alice"
I'm not leaving Edward, not until you stop sulking.
He just growled at my thoughts and continued his war path. So, this time I decided to speak,
"I know you don't want to hear what I have to say, but you need to hear it. It's time to stop dwelling on the past Edward and forgive yourself. You're only adding to your suffering."
He just laughed a humorless laugh
"You don't understand Alice; you didn't see the images that I did. I could've lost Bella and not even known about it or known about Renesmee all because of my stupid decision to leave her."
"Could've is the keyword here Edward. Despite all the odds against her, Bella survived and she's here with Nessie. Stop worrying about the what if's, you made your choice and we all have paid the consequences for that. You think us leaving Bella, only affected you, it's had it toll on all of us."
It frustrated me to no end on how oblivious Edward could be to other people's feelings other than his own. If my heart could still beat, it would have broken when he forced me to leave my best friend. Then finding we ended up leaving her pregnant, which nearly cost her her life, and missing Nessie growing up. Especially since Nessie's growth was accelerated, we missed all the cute baby stages, the toddler stage, and god knows what else.
Edward just kept silent, knowing what I said was the truth, so I just continued with an exasperated sigh.
"Trust me Edward, I wish things would've turned out differently, but you can't change the past. You have to accept that and move forward."
I hadn't meant to be so hard on him, but I needed him to see reason. There's no point in dwelling on the past any longer, what's done is done. The more he worries about what he could have done differently, the more his suffering is going to continue.
He just scoffed at my thoughts
"My suffering isn't ever going to end. You heard Bella's words the other day, she wants nothing to do with me. I can't blame her, after everything that I put her through."
Without thinking, I slapped Edward right across his face. He looked at me in complete shocked and even a bit angry, but I didn't care. Now I was pissed.
"Did you honestly expect, her to open up her arms so willingly to you after you lied to her like that."
Edward just stood silent.
"Answer me" I demanded.
Edward just sighed finally calming down "I don't know what I expected, she's so willing to believe the lies, but not the truth. I love her so much Alice, but she doesn't love me not after all the pain I put her through."
"As much as you keep telling yourself otherwise, Bella still loves you even Jasper could feel the love she has for you underneath all the pain and anger, but you've hurt her to such an extent that an apology won't be enough to win her back."
"I don't know how to make it right" he said softly looking like he would cry if he was capable of it.
"We both know how incredibly stubborn she is, empty words don't mean anything to her. You must fight for her Edward, but it's not something that's going to take overnight, you have to give her time, both of you need time to heal and work out your insecurities. Just remember you have all the time in the world to make it up to Bella."
For the first time in I don't know how long, a genuine smile came across Edward's face.
"I suppose you are right"
(Jasper's POV)
As Alice left to go after Edward, Rosalie and Emmett quickly made their way somewhere else knowing that this was a conversation that Bella and I needed to have. I turned my attention towards Bella, who was still sitting on the couch unmoving.
Anxiety, pain, anger, love
Yes, buried beneath all the pain and the anger, she still loves Edward. Though rather she realizes that or not is a whole other question.
"Renesmee is quite a spirited young woman" I remarked hoping to break the ice between us.
From the brief conversation that I had with her friend Zoey and even with out brief meeting, it wasn't hard to tell she was so full of spirit and confidence. She might look like her parents, but very much different personality wise.
Bella smiled reminiscing "That she is, though I believe going to school really helped her come out of her shell. Obviously, she was kept quite sheltered until her growth had stopped."
Suddenly I felt a huge knot in the pit of my stomach, unfortunate this was a feeling that I knew all too well from Edward. Automatically I put my hand over my stomach and closed my eyes trying to will it away, the pain that Bella was feeling was equal to if not greater than the pain that I constantly felt from Edward after he decided to leave Bella. I know I deserved to feel Bella's pain, but I need to make sure Bella was relaxed as possible for our conversation. I hated to manipulate her emotions like this, but this was something that needed to be done.
"Please don't, not again" she pleaded.
"I'm not going to manipulate you into doing something you don't want to do. I won't ever do that again, but if I may I would like to talk with you if you allow it"
Manipulating Bella into attending the birthday party that she never even wanted in the first place, was a terrible mistake, and as much as I want to get Edward and her back together right here right now, it wasn't the right way. They had to come together themselves, and without manipulation.
"What about the others" she asked motioning upstairs.
"Don't worry, they're too preoccupied with Renesmee to pay much attention to us" I assured her, as I quickly sat back down on one of the chairs.
She didn't look at me, but she was starting to relax more on her own initiative, but still uncomfortable.
"That makes me so happy, this is everything she's ever wanted"
I wasn't sure if she was talking to me, or more to herself. She was defiantly happy, bur more so for Renesmee. It wasn't hard to tell that Renesmee not having Edward or any of us around was one of Bella's biggest regrets. Of course, there was no one to blame but myself for Renesmee not having her father in her life. How could she not blame me for how things played out.
"You don't need to try and hide it Bella, you have every reason to not feel comfortable around us."
Bella just fidgeted with her hands "I'm sorry, I'm not meaning to make you uncomfortable"
"Why on earth are you apologizing, I'm the one that needs to be apologizing to you"
This time she turned right towards me, looking at me confused.
I sighed, knowing we were going to get into the hardest part of our conversation.
"Bella there are no words to describe how deeply sorry I am for my actions on your birthday all those years ago."
Bella just shook her head and said "Jasper, I've never blamed you for what happened, I knew what I was getting into with your family back then. Even now as a vampire, I understand how the thirst can get too much sometimes. So please there's no need to apologize."
I just stared at her astonished she meant every word of it. How could she possibly not blame me for any of it. I don't get it
"I don't understand Bella. Edward never would have left you and we all would have been there as Renesmee grew up, if it wasn't for me attacking you. I'm the cause of Renesmee growing up without her father".
"Jasper I'm not accepting your apology because there's nothing to be sorry for. I mean everything happens for a reason, Edward leaving forced me to become stronger in ways I never thought I would have to be. So please stop blaming yourself.
Bella was truly too kind for her own good, she never saw us as the monsters that we were. I knew what I was about to ask her was going to push things a bit far, but I'm hoping maybe she'll at least take it in consideration. After all I'm really hoping that with due time that things will fall back into place.
"Tell you what I'll make you a deal. If I start forgiving myself, then maybe you can start letting go of the pain that you are holding onto."
"I'm fine, I'm not holding onto anything" she said, obviously very much lying. I didn't need to be an empath to know that much, her facial expression alone itself is enough to give it away.
"We both know you're a terrible liar. I'm not asking you to forgive us so easily, nor am I asking for you to take Edward back. I just hope you could let go some of that pain because as much as you try to deny it its hurting you badly."
She didn't say anything, just stared down at the floor as continued to fidget with her hands.
Suddenly she laughed humorlessly and asked, "You know what's messed up Jasper."
"What" I asked suspiciously as my own anxiety was starting to surface, from the tone of her voice it doesn't sound good at all.
"In the forest the other day with Edward, I told him it would be like I don't even exist. The exact same words he used all those years ago when he left me alone in the middle of the forest. At the time, I really wanted to hurt him with the same words that he used to hurt me I thought it would make me feel better but it didn't if anything it only made me feel even worse for using those words against. No matter how much someone may hurt me, I can't find it in myself to hurt them back".
If I could tear up, I'm sure I would have at Bella's explanation. How cruel was Edward to her, before we left? No doubt his intentions were good, but his methods on the other hand is apparently another story.
"All I really want is for Renesmee to have a relationship with all of you, this is something that she's been waiting for her entire life. I want to make sure that my relationship with her family, is at least very cordial, but I must protect myself this time. The pain from you guys' leaving, isn't just going to disappear overnight just because you guys are in my life again. Maybe in time that will hopefully pass because I have missed all of you so much."
"You still love him" I stated, there was no question about it, throughout our conversation the love she has for Edward and our family was undeniable, it was all mixed in with the pain and the anger.
Bella just clasps her hands "Love isn't enough. He left me in the middle of the forest promising me that I would never see him again. Fast forward 10 years later, he tells me he lied all those years ago expecting that I would believe him. A part of me does believe him, and deep down I have already…."
"Forgiven him" I finished for her since she was so reluctant to even say the word.
She just nodded at my statement and continued.
"It doesn't change the fact that I can't trust him Jasper. How do I know he's not just saying all of this because he just feels bad because of the fact he left me pregnant with Renesmee?"
"Bella, after he left, he fell into a bad place in which he still hasn't come out of yet. He's been lost without you; he was truly convinced you'd be better off without him around"
She was very reluctant to believe me, and I knew there was no way I could ever convince her of such. Only Edward could.
Bella's mood suddenly changed to one of gratitude, which was a little surprising considering I haven't really done anything that is even worthy of her gratitude.
"Thanks Jasper, it's nice to finally been able to be this open with a neutral party. As much as I tell Jake almost everything, there's just certain stuff I can't because I know how biased he is against Edward, and I in no way ever want to put Edward or any of you in a negative light in Renesmee's eyes."
My eyes widened a bit, I was shocked. I already had the suspicion that Bella wouldn't put Edward in that kind of negative light for Renesmee, but not for her to tell her that I was the reason for Edward leaving.
"You never told her"
"Why would I, it's like I told you I've never once blamed you for what happened at my birthday party. I know you never would hurt anyone purposely, and I know Renesmee would tell you the same thing I am right now."
I couldn't help but chuckle
"You truly are too kind Bella"
Bella stretched out her and hand and said "I'll take you up on that deal you mentioned earlier. If you can try to start forgiving yourself, then I can certainty try and let go of my pain. Though I think we both can agree on, it's going to take time."
I smiled as I shook her hand "Yes and Bella I want you to know no matter what you may believe or think you are always going to be family always and forever"
Author's Note
Well here's chapter 8 and I hoped everyone enjoyed it. I was going to wait until the beginning of September before I uploaded, but I really do owe you guys for a very long absence, so I wanted to get this out early for you loyal readers. Really wanted to do different POV'S that I would normally wouldn't do, so It was a struggle to get into the minds of Alice and Jasper, but I feel comfortable with it. Obviously, the theme of this chapter is time and Trust, and I'm sure we've all been to that place where we've been so hurt by someone we loved, and we find it hard to even begin to trust them again if at all. That's the position Bella is in, obviously very much still loves him, but she said it best that love isn't enough. As cliché is it is to say it, but trust truly is the key to a relationship, and she can't trust him. Their relationship basically must rebuild itself from scratch; it can never go back to the way it once was. As mentioned, Edward made his choice and now, they all have paid the consequences for that choice. Next chapter will be more of Renesmee bonding with everyone.
Just curious, who do you guys imagine playing the Cullen Family. I know we all have different ideas when it comes to actors who play characters from our favorite series. For me it's defiantly the actors from the movies, since re-watching the movies got me motivated to start this story again. Mackenzie Foy still plays Nessie as a child in flashbacks, but Christie Burke plays the all grown up version of her. Because her best friends will be prominent in the story, I have actresses in mind for them as well. Carla Adkins, in my mind is played by Chloe Grace Moretz, and then Zoey Davis, played by Melissa Benoist. So once again thank you everyone for reading and reviewing my story, and so keep a look out in October for Chapter 9, which by the way has already been started.
