Hello guys!
I'm here with a new piece for the Intimate Moments collection. This is the first part of a follow up piece for 'Conflicted' which was a two part piece earlier in this collection. Edgar and his sister, Adeline, are both struggling to come to terms with loss. After all, how do you grieve for someone that is partly responsible for your existence, yet you hardly had a relationship with them at all?
Enjoy 'Loss' - Part One.
xo
Loss - Part One [Intimate Moments Collection]
He knew this day was coming; he just didn't know how to feel. Lost and conflicted were probably the words for it right now.
He was at work when he received the phone call. His phone rang, and he glanced at the screen with a hope that it was his wife. When he realized that it was a call from his cousin - the cousin he had only met about a year ago - his heart sank a little as he reached for the device.
This was the same cousin who was being a caretaker for his ailing biological parents, so he had the feeling that this phone call wasn't good, especially if she was calling in the middle of the morning.
"Hello?" he had answered.
There was a brief pause, then his cousin Erica spoke softly; "Edgar, hey. I'm so sorry to call you especially since I'm sure you're working, but...I just wanted you to know what happened."
Another pause, then she spoke up again; "Rich passed this morning. It was peaceful; I was with him and so was Aunt Glenda; but...he's gone. I'm really sorry."
The words threw him for a loop, yet part of him wasn't at all surprised. He thanked his cousin for calling him, and further explained that he would call Adeline himself since Erica mentioned that she couldn't get in touch with her. Erica expressed that she would call him in a few days with any further information, then the two hung up.
Edgar really didnt' know how to feel; was he supposed to feel sad or was he supposed to feel nothing at all? There had been a lot of bad blood between him and his birth parents for a long time, until a year ago when they had reached out to him and his sister via a letter. He had gone up to Syracuse the following weekend to see them - with Olivia of course because that was something he was not doing by himself - and they had managed to have a decent conversation, one that included him expressing his forgiveness towards them. In the year since that had happened, they had followed up with weekly phone calls to check in, but Edgar just never had a chance to go back up and see them again.
Well...he didn't make much effort to go back and see them again. He figured that the weekly phone calls were enough.
Was that partly why he felt guilty right now?
He glanced at his watch and saw that it was a little past ten in the morning. He knew he should probably stick things out for the day and get some work done, but he just didn't feel like doing anything right now. He looked around at the work spread across his desk; some of this could be done from home, and he could reschedule whatever meetings he had for the day.
But right now, he needed to go see the one person who could make him feel safe.
He packed up his things then headed out. He told his secretary that he was leaving for the day due to a family situation and to cancel his appointments for the day, then he went about telling his law partner that he wouldn't be present at the meetings this afternoon. He then made his way out of the building and to his car, where he took a deep breath before venturing out onto the streets of the city.
Olivia was standing at Fin's desk supposed to be reviewing a file that he had signed off on, but instead the squad seemed to be trying to help Fin decide on a present for Phoebe. They had all been having a laugh and bouncing ideas off each other; simply basking in the simplicity of the day as for once - it was a pretty relaxed day for Manhattan Special Victims. Nobody would dare utter the dreaded "slow day", as that always seemed to present chaos.
Olivia had looked down at the file again, thus missing the fact that her husband had just walked into the squad room. Fin happened to notice him first and greeted; "Counselor; hey man"
She looked up then, only to smile when she saw Edgar walking towards them. However, when he gave her a smile back that didn't reach his eyes, she immediately became concerned.
She handed the file to Fin and told him that she'd be back, then she took Edgar's hand before leading him through to her office. He pushed the door shut behind them then looked at her, and she looked back at him with eyes full of concern.
"What's going on? You never come to see me this early."
There was a brief pause, then he managed to respond; "My real dad passed away this morning."
That was all he said, with no emotion behind it. Olivia was able to pick up right away that he didn't know how to react; all he could do was repeat it again; "My real dad passed away...Erica called me."
Olivia didn't really know what to do, she just needed to support him. She placed her hand on his arm while quietly speaking; "Babe…"
However, she was slightly taken aback when Edgar backed away a little. He was so obviously lost and a bit confused, leading him to brace his hand against the chair as he rubbed his hand over his forehead; "I need to sit down."
Olivia nodded as she placed her hand on his arm again. She led him over to the couch and helped him to sit down, then she took the liberty of closing the blinds to her office to give them a little more privacy. She briefly poked her head into the squad room and told Fin to hold things down for her, then closed the door to her office again and shut the blinds. She looked over at Edgar; he was sitting with his elbows resting on his knees while staring blankly at the table.
"Babe…" she quietly spoke as she approached him, "Babe, do you want some coffee or something?"
Edgar didn't really respond; he simply slipped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer, resting his forehead against her stomach. Olivia ran her fingers through his hair while her other hand was on his shoulder.
"It's okay." she whispered. Edgar seemed to cling to her some more, leading Olivia to lower herself to sit on his lap. He buried his head against her shoulder, and she was simply running her fingers through his curls over and over again as she tried to get him to relax. She tilted her head enough to kiss his brow, then she quietly spoke; "Have you talked to Adeline?"
"Nah; I haven't called her yet but I need to…" he paused mid sentence as his phone started buzzing in his pocket. He whipped out the device, only to roll his eyes when he saw that it was his mother, Kelly, calling him. "Let me try to hide my emotions so she won't ask me what's wrong."
"Your mother is a retired lawyer; you're insane if you think you're gonna lie to her." Olivia smirked a little, which caused Edgar to laugh as he slid his finger over the screen to answer the phone.
Edgar began chatting away with his mother, though Olivia could tell that he was trying to deflect and keep the conversation away from himself so his mother wouldn't pick up on his feelings. Olivia did get the idea that their cousin had told his sister Adeline the news first, especially when Edgar rolled his eyes and muttered; "Goddammit, I told Erica that I would call Adeline myself."
Olivia listened as Edgar kept talking with his mother, but he ultimately seemed to rush her off the phone. He promised he would call her later, then hung up and tossed his phone onto the table. Olivia tilted her head while rubbing her fingers lightly against the back of his neck.
"Did you just rush your mother off the phone?"
"I'm just not in the mood for her to dissect my feelings right now, you know what I mean?" he quietly replied. He wrapped his arms around her more and pulled her as close as possible on his lap as he leaned back against the sofa. Olivia kept rubbing her fingers along the back of his neck in a soothing manner, and she kissed his cheek a couple times. She wasn't sure what to say and she wasn't going to push him; she was going to let him talk in his own time.
They were silent for a little longer, then Edgar quietly spoke up; "I'm not sure how I feel, Liv."
"Numb?"
"Maybe."
Olivia nodded in understanding while wrapping her other arm around his neck. She stroked his fingers over his cheek as she whispered; "What can I do, my love?"
Edgar shrugged, then looked at her; "I'm probably gonna go home, so...I mean...you can come home with me, and we can forget about life." He playfully winked at her, and Olivia simply laughed as she shook her head in despair. She knew exactly what he was hinting at, and as tempted as she was, she knew that was not the answer in this situation.
"Babe, that is not the answer."
"Right now, it's definitely the answer, Liv." Edgar looked at her with a raised eyebrow, and Olivia simply laughed as she snuggled into him some more.
They quietly talked for a little more and Olivia ultimately decided that maybe she would take the rest of the day. She knew that even though Edgar was joking his way through this, he did have a mixture of complicated feelings that he probably needed to discuss. There wasn't much going on around the precinct today anyway and she could leave Fin in charge, and they knew to call her anyway if they needed her.
After she packed up her things, Edgar took her bag for her as they left the office together. He bid farewell to the others and told Olivia he'd wait for her at the elevator before walking off, and Olivia turned to Fin; "I'm gonna take the rest of the day; Edgar is needing some extra emotional support so…yeah, call me if you need me."
"Emotional support? That's what we're calling it?" Fin simply smirked, tilting his head as he continued; "Sure; just don't let him lean on you too hard."
His comment earned a couple giggles from Amanda and Kat while Olivia shot him a glare. He smirked and simply shrugged; "What I say, man?"
"One phone call will have your ass sent to the two-one," she punched his arm then smirked; "Call me if you need me."
"I'll try not to need you for the next couple hours."
Olivia simply stuck her middle finger up in response thus earning a laugh from Fin. She then waved them all off before heading out of the squad room, and she immediately slipped into Edgar's waiting arms as they slipped into the elevator together.
And as she felt him relax against her, she knew that this time the role was reversed; he needed to hold onto her and draw strength from her now, and she was going to be right there to allow him.
The two made it home in no time, and being that it was so early, they had a few hours to just be alone. As soon as they shut and locked the door, Edgar put her bag down for her before grabbing her by her waist to pull her against him. She looked up at him as she rested her hands on his biceps.
"Hi."
"Hi…" he turned so she was pushed against the door; "Thank you for coming home with me."
"You know I'll do anything for you, my love." She whispered. She stretched up a little and kissed him once more, and Edgar wasted no time in reciprocating the kiss as he slid his arms around her waist more. Olivia already knew where this was going, especially when she felt one of his hands slide down to grab her ass.
She pushed him away a little; "Baby, wait…"
He looked at her; they were both breathing heavily and she could see the lust in his eyes. She stroked her fingers over his cheek and ran her thumb over his lips while whispering; "Tell me what you need."
Edgar gazed directly into her eyes as he lifted his hand to brush some of her hair back. He then leaned in a little to brush his lips against hers while whispering; "I need you."
Olivia softly bit her lip then gave him another kiss. She then took hold of his hand, and tugged him along as she led him to their bedroom. He squeezed her hand as they walked; he just really needed to forget what the hell was going on.
He kicked the door shut behind him, then stepped closer to her as he gazed at her. He did that normal thing of removing her badge and gun for her, and he placed it onto the dresser before pulling her to him again. As their lips connected in another passionate kiss, Edgar's fingers trailed over her arms as he pushed her blazer from her shoulders.
As their lips remained fused together, the two sank into their bed together. Their hands roamed and clothes ended up in a heap on the floor. Before long, Olivia's nails were digging into her husband's back as he tipped forward and filled her in one swift movement. They clung to each other and kissed in a passionate frenzy. He just needed to forget; just for a moment.
Over the next couple hours, the couple rolled around beneath their sheets as they took each other to new heights. The sound of Olivia's moans and eventual screams drowned out the noise in Edgar's head as he put everything into this passionate romp with his wife. When one final scream of his name erupted from her lips when she tipped over the edge, that set him off as well, thus leading him to thrust one more time before emptying into her. A quiet grunt of her name spilled from his lips as he held onto her, almost as if she was keeping him grounded in this moment in time.
When it was all over and things began to settle down, Olivia ended up falling asleep as she was curled into his side with her head on his chest. Edgar kept one hand on her hip while staring up at a ceiling. He still felt weird, and there was still a weird mixture of emotions flooding through his mind.
He heard his phone buzzing from a distance, leading him to reach towards the floor and grab his phone from the pocket of his discarded pants. He looked at the screen, and he let out a sigh; he knew this was coming…
'Call From: Adeline…'
Connecticut
Adeline Pierce-Edwards had been in a weird fog since receiving the call from her distant cousin that morning. She had always been unsure of how she would react to such news, and yet she found herself in the fog now as the words from her cousin kept replaying in her mind;
"Rich passed this morning. Me and Aunt Glenda were with him; I just thought you should know too."
The father she hardly knew - more like hardly wanted to know or remember - was dead, and yet, she really found herself feeling weird.
She remembered the day a year ago when she had gotten the letter from her birth mother; a letter reaching out for reconciliation as the parents she fought so hard to forget were now suffering with various ailments that threatened to cut their lives short. She remembered so vividly how she called her adoptive mother in a flood of tears, unsure of how to respond and feeling triggered all over again. She remembered how Kelly told her to just take some deep breaths and that whatever she felt was valid, that only she knew the answer of how to handle this situation.
And then she remembered calling the person she had leaned on from the very beginning, her big brother Edgar. They had probably talked more over those two weeks of trying to decide what to do, but God did this situation strengthen their bond. She remembered when he told her that he had made the decision to go see their birth parents, and she remembered telling him that she couldn't do it because she wasn't ready.
She thought she would be ready. She was never ready. She had only just found some strength to at least call them once every couple weeks and talk for a few minutes, but she could never muster up the strength or courage to go see them in person - even if her husband or her brother offered to go with her.
Now it was too late, and she felt this weird sense of guilt. "I thought I had more time to make it right." she thought to herself. But what was she making right? It was okay to not be in the mental stance to face this obstacle - right?
Then why did she feel so guilty?
She had probably been at work for three hours when she got the call, and within half an hour she had gone home as she was simply unable to focus on the tasks of the day. Her husband Sam was being incredibly supportive and offering to be an ear if she just needed someone to listen, but she didn't even really know what to say or what she wanted to say. She had cried a couple times - for what? She had no idea, but she just felt the urge to cry.
She sighed as she looked out the window of her home office; Sam was in the backyard, taking full advantage of this sunny day as he did some yard work. Adeline watched him for a minute, before turning to grab her phone from the charger; it was now a little past one in the afternoon. She knew Edgar sometimes had afternoon meetings, but she wondered if he had a moment to just talk. She scrolled through and found his name, and she tapped the screen a couple times as the call connected.
It rang a few times, then the line clicked; "Hello?"
"You sound about like how I feel…" Adeline remarked; "Are you busy?"
"Nah, I came home early...hang on…" there was some shuffling around then the click of a door; "Okay I'm here; my bad. Liv is asleep and I didn't want to bother her."
"Oh God, what's she doing sleeping so late in the day? Is she okay?"
"She's good; she's been home with me and she's just resting and stuff." Edgar explained. Adeline had an idea of what that truly meant and she had to laugh a little. She wouldn't dare ask him to elaborate, she just simply uttered a "gotcha" before letting it go.
The two siblings were silent for a moment, then Adeline spoke up; "I feel weird, bro; really weird."
"Me too, and I don't think I expected to feel this way...it's weird."
"I feel guilty…" Adeline quietly spoke; "I should've gone and saw them, or something."
"Don't do that; don't feel guilty for taking care of yourself and your mental health - you weren't ready, and that's okay."
"Is it?"
"Yeah it is…" Edgar told her; "I didn't see them again after the one time I went; I just called once a week or so...that's all I felt like I could do."
There was silence for a bit, then Adeline spoke again; "So...do we...do we help with funeral arrangements?"
There was a slight chuckle from Edgar; "That's your concern?"
"I mean it's a serious question," Adeline replied; "Are they expecting us to help? I would feel like such a bitch if they asked and I said no."
"I love how this is your only concern."
"I mean I'm also wondering if we actually have to go to the funeral," Adeline shrugged a little whilst leaning her elbows on her desk; "Did Olivia go to her mom's funeral? They had a rocky relationship didn't they?"
"Different situation; they actually had a good few years before she died, whereas we just came into contact with these people a year ago," Edgar explained; "However, I think we should at least pay our resp-"
"Don't say 'pay our respects'; we didn't know them like that."
"Okay but we should at least show our faces."
"It took a lot for me to even call them every couple weeks."
"And maybe this…going to the funeral…will be the closure we need, that you need."
Adeline took in her brother's words. Maybe to some degree he was right; this was a chance for some sort of closure. Though there would probably be a lot more conflicting feelings in the days leading up to the service and in the days after, maybe this was a step in the right direction.
She took a breath;
"I'll talk to Sam about it; if you're going, I'm going too."
Soooo...that's the end of the first part. I wanted to capture the feelings from both siblings, so I hope I did this well. Leave some reviews if you like.
Also brief note - while it doesn't look like the L&O universe will let us be great by reintroducing this character to us - I've had to kinda create my own background of this character, which has been challenging but fun to say the least. I had to give him some family, etc. and with that, I've had to make up characters to surround him. I appreciate your support in allowing me to create my own background for this person, and I also thank you for supporting me as I continued to draw on the obvious spark that was between him and Olivia in that one episode. I was trying to give her a new spark; not something old and redundant.
Anyway, that's enough of me going on about that. Anyway, stay safe out there. This Delta variant is no joke. Mask up, wash your hands, all that good stuff. All love xo
