Hi guys!

I'm back again with yet another Edson fic. I have so many half baked ideas in the vault yet somehow I've managed to finish this one, and another one that I'll be posting later in the week.

This one is in the aftermath of the 500th episode. Olivia is having a hard time after the whole situation with Burton, and sometimes she just needs a little comfort...and a good cry.

Enjoy xo


Damaged [Intimate Moments Collection]

Another night where she couldn't fucking sleep.

Another night where she was having a glass of wine while curled up on the couch, still in her work clothes.

The apartment was silent, apart from the dull hum from the central heating and air unit, and the quiet whirring of the refrigerator, and the drip from the faucet every now and then. The ten-year-old boy was fast asleep in the blue and white themed bedroom, and in the master bedroom, the middle-aged lawyer was fast asleep as well, thus blissfully unaware that his wife had even come home.

But Olivia couldn't sleep. She was spiraling. She was fucking spiraling. How could someone from her past - someone she had once trusted so deeply - turn out to be someone she didn't even know?

How could she - the captain of the "sex crimes" - have been so fucking blinded by this person she once knew, to the point where her judgment was clouded? She defended him; she told them that he wasn't a predator.

But didn't he prey on her when she was sixteen and he was twenty-one?

"God." she mumbled to herself, a slight chuckle of despair escaping her lips. She sipped some more of her wine, her fingers gripping the glass. She then simply held the glass with both hands, and she stared blankly at the wall. Her mind was racing, and she was having trouble sorting through them.

Burton Lowe - she hadn't seen him since she broke off their engagement when she was just sixteen years old. He was twenty-one at the time, and he said all the right things to make her feel special, to make her believe that he loved her and that he wanted her, despite their age gap. She ended their engagement due to her mother, and she wasn't entirely surprised when he disappeared. When he popped back up into her life due to this case, she was cordial with him, telling him about how she had settled into life now with a husband and son. She remembered how disappointed he looked at the mention of a family, he didn't say a word though. He just told her that he was glad she was happy and hoped they could hang out like friends.

She didn't know that he was a predator.

Or maybe she didn't want to believe it.

Her mind flashed to the woman who approached her in the courthouse with the claim that Burton had raped her. That woman was followed by another, and another, and another; the grand total was now at eight. The statute of limitations was beyond done so they couldn't prosecute, but that didn't stop her from feeling sick to her stomach about this whole situation.

A single tear trickled down her cheek. Waves of realization washed over her; she too had been a victim - he groomed her, taking advantage of her bad home situation. "You knew I would do anything to get away from my mother." she had told him. He had known; everyone knew.

All this time she thought Serena was trying to ruin her life, when Serena had been trying to protect her all along.

She didn't know how long she had been sitting there staring blankly at the wall. She just knew that time had ticked on, and she'd been home for quite a bit. She didn't even realize that her husband had woken up and came looking for her, until she felt a pair of hands on her shoulders. She snapped out of her thoughts before looking up; Edgar was looking back at her with a raised eyebrow.

She smiled a little and put one of her hands over his; "Hey, what are you doing up?"

"I could be asking you the same thing…" he leaned down and kissed her forehead; "Are you okay?"

For once, Olivia didn't know how to answer that. She shrugged and looked away, simply looking back at the ruby red liquid in her glass. Edgar came around and sat beside her, and he pulled her close to him right away. Olivia leaned against him, the wine glass still in her hand as she rested against her husband. She simply closed her eyes and allowed more tears to slip down her cheeks, and Edgar simply responded by kissing her on the forehead.

"What's the matter?" He whispered.

She was silent for a moment, then replied; "Do I have blind spots?"

Edgar raised an eyebrow; where had that question even come from? He hesitated a little as he tried to word his response, but she spoke up again; "And be honest; I won't get upset. Sometimes I'm more receptive if something comes from you."

Edgar simply rubbed her waist as he replied, "Liv, you have a tendency to…be a little trusting, to people you haven't seen in…years." He stopped for a second, then continued again; "You're a damn good cop, and the detective in you is always screaming, but I do think you're a little too trusting when it's people you know versus the perps you pick up off the street. And I mean that's okay, it happens; remember how I was with Reverend Chase?"

"How could I ever forget?" She murmured, giving him a slight smile. He smiled a little then continued again.

"We always have a tendency to trust people we've known for a long time; it definitely makes it harder for us to see them for who they really are."

"Like me not being able to see Burton for the predator he truly was?"

Edgar raised an eyebrow. She hadn't told him much about this case, other than her good friend Nick Amaro was in town to assist, and that they were also working with Burton Lowe - crime novelist and podcast host. She mentioned that she knew Burton from years ago as well, but she didn't give him the full extent and he didn't ask much.

However, now he was curious. He tilted his head; "Explain."

And from there, she unloaded: she told him about how the woman approached her after court with a claim that Burton raped her, and how from there, a slew of other women came forward. She told him about how she and Nick argued about this, and how she ultimately confronted Burton only for him to claim consent and show no remorse.

"And we can't even do anything because the statute is up, so here we are…" she shook her head in despair; "He gets away with being disgusting, free to prey on anyone else because you know he's not gonna fucking stop. He knows who to go for…young, naïve, with a shit situation that they are just desperate to escape, the ones that think he's some knight in shining armor because of who he is when really he's exactly like the scum I pick up every week."

Edgar listened to her vent, but he could hear the obvious pain in her voice. The lawyer in him was screaming; there was something else to this story and now he needed to know.

"Olivia…when you say you know Burton from years ago…?" He arched his eyebrow then, and Olivia took another swig off her wine. She took a breath, then she spoke.

"Do you remember in the early days of us, when I told you that when I was sixteen, I was engaged to someone who was twenty-one?"

Edgar nodded, and he had an idea of where this was going. However, he would let Olivia finish this herself because he knew it was important for her to tell her story.

"Well that someone was Burton. I hadn't seen him since our engagement ended, and when I saw him again, it was like…wow, look at how great my old friend did."

"Did he try anyth-"

"No, hand over heart - he didn't," she immediately stopped him, and she felt him relax; "I think he thought something would come from us seeing each other, but I was very quick to tell him that I was very married."

"Okay," Edgar nodded; "So…tell me more about your relationship with him. How did it come to be?"

"I met him when I went to campus with my mother; I was just sixteen, and I thought it was so cool that this twenty one year old man showed an interest in me," she shook her head then, that slight look of despair in her eyes; "He made me laugh, he listened to me, made me feel safe; things at home were shit so I thought that he was my ticket out. When he asked me to marry him, I jumped at the chance…to get away from my mother."

She paused for a moment, a couple more tears slipping down her cheeks; "I still remember when she made me end the engagement. I thought my mother was being overprotective and trying to ruin my life, but I see…she was just trying to protect me…" She sniffled yet again, her voice wobbling; "She saw him for what he was, and despite it all - despite the way she hated me sometimes - she was still trying to protect me."

Edgar simply held her, allowing her to continue.

"Sometimes, I think that maybe what happened to my mother was only part of the reason I ended up in SVU. Maybe, subconsciously, I ended up in this unit because I was trying to right the wrong of what happened to me. I knew it was wrong, but I've told myself for years that I wanted it to happen, that I made the decision at sixteen to date and have sex with someone who was twenty-one years old."

"And then you think about your age and the circumstances surrounding the situation…"

"Exactly, and I realize that…that I'm a statistic…no father, horrible abusive home life…statistically, me running to the arms of an older man was bound to happen," she shook her head then, her voice going a little quieter; "He said…that when we first had sex, he didn't remember me putting up a fight then…and that's where the lines blur, because I didn't. I consented."

Edgar could see that she was wrestling with this, spiraling into her thoughts and trying to doubt herself. He turned to her some more so he could look at her properly.

"Olivia, you were sixteen years old. Are you sure you consented or were you coerced into it?"

"I didn't say no."

"And were you really gonna say no to a much older boyfriend?" Edgar tilted his head; "Would you have said no, and risk losing what was giving you the freedom and normalcy you craved?"

"I thought he loved me."

"And I'm not saying he didn't in some way, but he was also well aware of your mother and the situation at home…" he paused for a moment; "How was your self-esteem at that time?"

"Nonexistent." She scoffed.

"And wasn't it you that told me, that predators will prey on those who are weak and suffering…masking themselves as a savior when really they want that control?" He could see that he was getting to her, as she dropped her head as more tears fell down her face; "Baby, you were sixteen years old in a bad situation, and he took advantage of that."

Olivia started crying some more as she leaned into him again. She took a breath, her voice shaky as she mumbled; "And you know what? I just wanted him to acknowledge what he had done was wrong and realize that he really did take advantage of me when I was sixteen. He didn't acknowledge a goddamn thing, and he didn't even say that he was sorry."

"He thinks because it was all consensual that he did nothing wrong; he's scum."

"He is, and I hate that I refused to see it…" she wiped her eyes then and snuggled into him; "I feel like such an idiot."

"Don't; he had you fooled, he had a lot of people fooled," he kissed her head again, then continued; "Look how far you've come, look at the wrongs you've managed to right, and look at the lives you've saved. You survived, Liv; you've survived everything that was thrown at you; don't discredit that."

Olivia nodded her head, her head still resting on his shoulder. They were both silent for a moment, then she took a deep breath; "Honey?"

"Hmm?"

"I need to be vulnerable for a minute; can I just…cry this out?"

"You never have to ask."

Olivia nodded, then climbed onto his lap properly. She buried her face into his neck and took a deep breath, and while in the protective arms of her husband, she did exactly what she needed to do.

She cried.


And there we have it, the end of another one shot. Please let me know what you think. More one-shots coming soon, of course. Until next time :)