Hello friends! How y'all doing?! I know it's been a while since I've posted anything but I am back again. Here's a little something I've been working on. It's centered around Edgar, set one year after the previous pieces called 'Loss'. Edgar poses a valid question - how do you grieve for a parent you barely knew?
Enjoy guys! xo
Letting Go [Part One][Intimate Moments Collection]
1 Year After 'Loss'
He was grateful that he had made it in time. A four-hour drive to Syracuse on a Thursday - half of it in rain and the other half in a wintry slushy mix - and he had just made it. It was just after eight at night, family was gathered around, and now he was joining them.
His wife was in the waiting room, with other extended family members and in-laws. He had left her in the good hands of Sam, the husband of his sister Adeline.
And now here he was in this quiet hospital room, standing beside Adeline, watching their cousin Erica who was sitting in a chair beside the bed.
And in the hospital bed was his mother - his birth mother - Glenda Brown. Here they were - exactly one year after they buried their birth father/Glenda's longtime husband - about to do it all over again. A lot of prayer and forgiveness had gotten them to this point, especially Adeline.
Edgar felt his sister squeeze his hand, and he found himself squeezing her hand in return. They had always drawn strength from one another, leaning on each other during the most difficult times of their lives. Edgar knew that it had especially taken Adeline a lot to get to this point; she had gone to therapy to process her feelings regarding their birth parents, to process the guilt she felt following the passing of their birth father, for assistance in building a new relationship with their birth mother. They both had built some sort of relationship with the woman. It was nowhere near the same as the relationship they had with their adoptive parents, Kelly and Ronald Pierce, but it was a little something. They'd both called her every week to check in and had visited a few times - though more so in recent months since illness began taking its toll on her already fragile body.
And now here they were - at the point where her body couldn't fight anymore. Here they were faced with a complicated mixture of feelings once again; sadness for the time they'd lost over the many years of no contact, guilt for not feeling like they'd spent enough time getting to know her, confusion on whether they should feel anything at all.
The young woman at the bedside looked up, her braided ponytail swishing slightly. She looked at them with watery eyes, her voice soft and shaky as she spoke; "Do either of you want to say anything? The nurse said she won't respond, but…maybe she can hear you."
The two siblings exchanged a glance, and Edgar gave a nod for Adeline to go first. Adeline softly bit her lip before stepping to the other side of the bed. She sat down in the chair and took her mother's small hand. A fresh set of tears filled her eyes, with one making its way down her cheek as she found some words.
Edgar listened as she apologized for the time lost, of how she spoke of forgiveness and how she was glad they had managed to communicate. She whispered for her to get some rest, told her of how they would meet again one day. "Maybe in another life, we will have more time." she whispered.
She placed a gentle kiss on the cold cheek of the frail woman before standing up. She wiped her eyes as she made her way back over to Edgar, and Edgar simply rubbed her arm before looking over at the sleeping woman in the hospital bed. He took a deep breath, then made his way over to take the seat that his sister had been previously sitting on. He simply eyed her for a moment; she looked like she was sleeping, and he took comfort in that. "She just looks peaceful." he thought to himself.
He gently took her hand before speaking softly.
"Uhh…you know…I'm glad we had some time; I really am. I'm glad you got to meet my wife and my son, and you got to see that I'm alright…that we're all alright. I just…I wish we did have more time. I just want you to know that above it all, I forgave you a long time ago. You don't have to worry about me or about Addy; we're okay, and we'll look out for Erica too. Get some rest; go see Rich again."
He then leaned over and kissed her forehead and whispered ever so softly; "Sleep tight…Mama."
He then stood up properly before going around to give Erica a hug. She squeezed him tightly and thanked him for coming, before pulling back to give Adeline a hug. Edgar told her to call if she needed anything, before the two siblings made their way out of the room. Neither of them could stick around the hospital until their birth mother actually passed away, but they were both staying in the area for a few days just to be close by.
The two made their way back to the waiting room, where their respective spouses stood up to greet them, while other family members gave a simple wave. They bid the others farewell before leaving out, making their way quickly through the halls and out into the cold, winter night. They shared a few hugs, before making their way to their respective cars to head to the nearby hotel where they'd be staying.
As Edgar slipped into his car - after he had helped her in of course - Olivia simply looked over at him. He was unnervingly silent almost, and she wondered what was going through his mind. Before he could put the car in gear to move, she put her hand over his to capture his attention. He looked over at her, and he immediately let out a sigh.
"Please don't start reading me right now, baby."
"I wasn't…" she trailed off some. Maybe she was about to try and get a read on him, but she was just worried about the fact that he was so unnervingly silent. "I just...if you want to talk about it, you know I'm here."
Edgar gave her a small smile, once that didn't quite reach her eyes. He lifted her hand and pressed a kiss to her wedding rings before speaking; "Thank you, I love you."
Olivia gave him a smile in return as she gently squeezed his hand. "I love you too."
The ride to the hotel was silent for the most part apart from the songs that were playing quietly on the radio. They headed inside and straight up to their room, and Edgar almost instantly took her hand as he tugged her along to the bedroom area. It had been a long day for them both, and it was no doubt that they were both looking forward to falling into bed.
As Edgar went to get ready for bed, Olivia took some time to call Fin first to check in on the squad and to make sure everything had gone okay for the day. After checking in with him, she called Lucy, who also informed her that Noah was fine and that all homework had been completed, and that she would handle his lunch and school and all that. Olivia thanked her before briefly speaking to Noah, who informed her that he was having a great time and that he hoped that she and Edgar were okay. Edgar came out of the bathroom while she was talking with Noah, which led to her activating the speaker phone so that they could both talk to him for a bit. After a short conversation and words of love, they hung up.
Olivia looked up at her husband, and she could see that he was tired and had a lot on his mind. She turned a little more and put her hand to his cheek, and she brushed her thumb underneath his eye. "You look very tired."
"I am," he let out a slight laugh; "We got up today with a plan to go to work then come back home with our boy. A drive to Syracuse was not in the plan."
He then shrugged a little as he muttered; "Part of me feels like I should've stayed in the city and just come up for the service, but…I didn't feel right about that."
"Maybe there were just a couple loose ends you needed to tie up with your mother."
Edgar looked over at her with a raised eyebrow. "You always know what's really on my mind, don't you?"
"We've been together for a little while now, baby; I've come to know you very well."
Edgar chuckled a little; "Yeah, you really have." He then pulled her against him for a hug, leading her to curl up beside him and rest her head on his shoulder. He pressed a kiss to her forehead before whispering; "I love you."
"I love you too, babe; so much." she quietly replied. She then tilted her head up and kissed him properly, then pulled away before standing up; "Okay so, I swear I still smell like a precinct, so I'm gonna take a shower. Go ahead and turn on MSNBC because I know you're dying to watch the news."
She then kissed his cheek before heading towards the bathroom, leaving him laughing and shaking his head as he got into bed. He was grateful that he wasn't doing this alone right now, and that he could count on Olivia to be by his side. She was truly someone special, and he was so grateful for her and her beautiful soul.
It was about half an hour later when Olivia emerged from the bathroom, now dressed in some NYPD shorts and a t-shirt. She had given her hair a blast with the blow dryer and was now putting her hair into a ponytail. She then climbed onto the bed and immediately cuddled into him, leading him to wrap his arm around her properly. They were silent; Olivia was just lying there with her eyes closed while Edgar was watching television.
And then; "I don't know if I feel sad or guilty or what, and I don't even really know if I love the lady."
Olivia's eyes opened and she tilted her head up to look at him. She pushed herself to sit up just a little then said; "And you feel bad for not knowing if you loved her?"
Edgar nodded as he stared up at the ceiling. "I just feel like that sounds bad, and she…I mean technically…is my mother; the reason I have life. But…I didn't know her enough to love her. We just came into each other's lives again two years ago - after damn near forty years of nothing. I'm here out of respect and because we had started to build up a little bond, but…it's weird. It's just…and I feel like a complete prick for saying this…but uh…hmm…it's just…it's not like-"
"What you're trying to say, is that this situation is nothing like how you would feel if it was Kelly or Ron?" Olivia tilted her head as she looked at him. Edgar nodded his head; she had gotten his thoughts completely right.
"If it was Mom or Dad…yeah, I don't want to even think about that," he shook his head before looking over at his wife again; "I don't know, I just feel strange."
"I think that's normal, because this is a tricky situation," Olivia brushed her fingers over his cheek; "Have you talked with Kelly or Ron?"
"Nah; Mom texted us in our group, but we didn't actually get to talk," Edgar shrugged; "I mean…I know when I do actually talk to her, she'll want to process things with us - much like you're doing now; don't think I didn't realize."
Olivia giggled a little as she buried her face into his neck; "I'm just trying to help, because you do need to process your thoughts."
Edgar turned his head to look at her again; "Be patient with me while I process it all? Because…how do you grieve for a parent you barely knew?"
"You grieve in any way you see fit; take it one day at a time and just feel…" Olivia then leaned closer and kissed his cheek; "I love you, and I'm so proud of you for facing this head on."
Edgar smiled and pulled her closer to him. He kissed her forehead before whispering; "Thank you for being here with me. I love you Liv, more than words can say."
The little smile formed on her lips as she snuggled into his side, ready to face this storm head on with him.
Well, part one has been completed. Leave some reviews and all that. I still quite enjoy writing this pair, so part two will be up soon. Be safe! xo
