"She's not alone!"
I bet Kristoff's scream could have been heard around all the building if the basement wouldn't have been so insulated.
Then, the door opened and a sweaty and panting Kristoff stormed into the room rage and fear painted on his face.
'He found me!'
"She's… She's not alone, you sack of… Oh!"
Kristoff stopped short, calmed his tone, and nodded embarrassed. He probably didn't expect to find me doing that to Hans.
"Okay. I see you don't need me at all. Have fun."
And just as he came, he left.
"Kristoff! Come back! I could use some help here, you know?!"
The door opened again and his smirking face popped up.
"You sure? I think you can handle it."
"But you could at least call Mr. Blue or something…"
"I would rather hold Hans."
"You wanna fight my battle?"
"Oh, no. I'd never do that. It's just that I've been wanting for a long time to give here our friend a loving squeeze."
"C'mon, guys," the snake said. "We can fix this without the need for violence…"
"Shut up your fucking mouth if you don't want me to finish breaking your arm!" I threatened.
"You wouldn't do that! You don't have the guts to…"
I tightened more the wrist joint to make clear my point.
"You saying?"
"Got it, got it! You win! Call Mr. Blue! Please, Kristoff!"
"I guess I'll do that," Kristoff said. "I'll take my time to contemplate the awesome basement we have, though."
"What?! Fuck off! She's gonna break me!"
"Did you know there was a fridge room here down?" he added pretending that he really was dedicated to analyzing the details of the place.
Kristoff began to pace slowly through the basement while Hans cursed motionless on the floor. If there was anything more pleasurable than finally making it clear to the swine Hans was that he would never get anything from me, it was to see Kristoff enjoy the scene. Okay, yeah, violence is never the solution and all that shit; I know. But it's not like I was beating the crap out of him; I was just making sure his wrist (and maybe his elbow and shoulder) would snap if he tried to run away. But the truth is, seeing the proud smile with which Kristoff looked at me, made me feel powerful enough to jump naked from a real waterfall. Although, perhaps this time, with a different jump partner.
"In fact," Hans began to say as he clenched his teeth in pain. "I did know about the fridge room."
"Good for you," I said tired of that man.
"More than what you think."
"What do you mean?" Kristoff asked.
"You know I planned this, but I'm not stupid; I always have a plan B."
"Oh, yeah?" I said mockingly. "Then, tell us your brilliant plan and I'll decide if it deserves a broken arm."
"It'll be more than a broken arm if you don't let off me."
"Well, yeah, I could break some more things, but I don't think it is necessary."
"You won't be the one breaking anything, sweetie. The bomb I hid in the fridge will be."
"Ha! Sure…"
It couldn't be true. It was ridiculous. It was clear that it was just a desperate attempt to get rid of us.
"You can check it for yourself."
"I'll go," Kristoff announced.
"Kristoff! C'mon! It is obviously a lie! You don't have to!"
"Just in case," he answered shrugging.
Okay, maybe the idea of a crazy man putting a bomb wasn't so crazy…
"Fine, but you won't go alone," I said.
"Yes, I'll do. You need to hold him."
"He'll come with us, then."
"What?! I don't want to get in there!" Hans yelled. "Haven't you heard that there is a bomb there?!"
"Okay," Kristoff said tossing back his bangs. "Let's suppose I believe you. What kind of bomb is it? What range does it have?"
"I don't know what kind it is! I bought something powerful enough to tear down the building. That's all I know."
"The building?! Are you nuts?!"
"Of course he is! Don't listen to him! There is no bomb!"
"But what if there is?!"
"Then we will explode unless you set me free and let me turn it off."
"How would you do that?" Kristoff asked again.
"Do you really think me so fool to tell you?"
"Okay, guide me to it," he instructed.
"What if I don't want to?"
"Is not like you have a word in it, you know? You only can choose how many broken limbs you want to have when you do it," I clarified.
"Okay, okay! You are so violent, you know?! That's not sexy at all."
"I disagree," Kristoff replied not looking at us. "Now, c'mon. Let's find your lie and call Mr. Blue and the police."
Totally flattered I managed to move Hans without loosening the luxation and we three entered the fridge.
"Wow! Too much cold! What do they want? Preserve food or cause a glaciation?!" I protested.
"Where is the bomb?" Kristoff asked apparently little affected by the cold.
'Oh! Look at those nipples! He's cold too…'
"There!"
Suddenly, and more nimbly than you'd expect from someone semi-immobilized, Hans kicked a tall row of boxes that hurtled toward us. I should have used him as a shield, that would have been enough, but at the time it didn't occur to me. My body reacted faster than my mind and, before I knew it, my hands had freed Hans, Kristoff was covering me with his body, boxes were falling and bouncing everywhere, and the fridge door closed leaving us alone inside. Hans had fooled us.
