Bonjour, and welcome back! Once again, I had hoped to get this chapter out a lot sooner, but as per usual, real life got in the way. Overtime at work equals one very tired Pixie. Plus, there are a few other Hellsing projects I'm working on that I wanted to update (feel free to check them out if you want). Working on multiple projects at once is probably a stupid idea, but I like to give myself some variety. But anyway, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on the story so far! It makes me so happy that people are enjoying it!


Chapter VII – Inner Monster


The thick, juicy, irresistible taste of blood filled Seras' mouth as she clamped her teeth around the male vampire's throat. His body weakly thrashed against hers, but she barely noticed. She was too consumed by the delectable liquid flowing from his precious arteries and into her mouth. It warmed and soothed her throat as she swallowed, almost reminding her of a hot cup of tea she used to enjoy back when she had been human, especially when she had been nursing a sore throat. The warmth pooled into her stomach, sending pleasurable vibrations throughout her entire body.

More! More! She needed more!

Her thoughts had gone completely wild. Basic instinct took over, and all Seras could focus on was draining this pathetic vampire of all his blood for daring to cross her. Vampire blood was unlike anything she had ever tasted! It was like sweet nectar to a starved butterfly. A glass of water to a dehydrated human wandering a desert. A shower of rain to a dried and drought-ridden landscape. The ecstasy of it all almost had Seras weak at the knees, and she trembled as she continued to drink in greedy gulps, refusing to let her prey escape her.

She hadn't realised just how thirsty she had been. But she supposed that she had been in a coma for a few weeks and had only had one glass of blood before departing with Anastasia. Thinking of the red haired lady seemed to snap Seras out of her revere. Her red eyes snapped open at the very moment blood stopped flowing into her mouth, leaving her suckling at nothing but the empty flesh of the husk of what was once a vampire.

Seras cried out in alarm as she pushed the body away from her. The male vampire fell limply to the ground, his eyes glazed over and unblinking. Seras knew that this probably wasn't enough to fully kill him, but she had definitely left him near death. Blood no longer flowed from the stump where his arm once was. Dark flesh hung in its place, and a piece of broken bone stuck out, its edges jagged from the unclean breakage.

Waves of pleasure continued to wash over her, despite the horror that was now consuming her, pulling her deep under the waves and drowning her. She felt satisfied yet sick at the same time. Her mind whirled, making the cave around her spin and blur. Her dead heart twisted itself into knots, and it suddenly felt like the organ was made of lead as it dropped down to her stomach. Seras glanced down at her pale hands that were covered in smears of blood. The aroma was wafted towards her nose by a distance draft of air, and Seras nearly slipped back into her bloodlust. But she held it back with a pathetic whimper, clenching her hands into tight fists as she squeezed her eyes closed.

"Master…" Seras whimpered out before she could stop herself, causing her heart to contort even more painfully. She felt so alone. So monstrous. Oh god… What had she done?

The sound of excited clapping helped snap Seras out of her internal meltdown slightly, and the draculina twisted around to see Anastasia leaning against one of the pillars with a pleased smirk on her face. What? Seras blinked. Had she been there the whole time? Why hadn't she helped her? Why had she let her do this? Why was she clapping? This wasn't something to be proud of! Seras had completely lost control and had practically killed someone!

"Splendid work! I'm almost starting to believe that you need no training from us," the red haired vampire laughed out before walking towards the trembling draculina, her high heels clicking against the stone ground as she did so. "But still, your work is highly messy and you need better control of yourself," Anastasia then noted.

"I… I don't…" Seras spluttered. "Were you here the whole time?!"

Anastasia's grin widened. "Not all of it, but yes, I was here and saw most of it."

"Why didn't you help?!" Seras cried out. "Why didn't you do something?!"

Anastasia's grin faltered and her expression became more nonchalant. However, her arms did cross over her chest and her posture became stiffer, almost like a stern teacher showing their disapproval over a pupil's behaviour. It had Seras taking an automatic step back, especially since she was unable to understand just what Anastasia's game was. One moment Anastasia seemed keen to help her, and the next moment, she was letting Seras almost get killed.

"I wanted to see how you would handle things on your own. You were more than capable of ripping that treasonous vermin to shreds, and I was right," Anastasia boasted before she glared down at the still limp and unconscious body of the male vampire.

"Treasonous?" Seras squeaked.

"I warned them not to harm a hair on your head, and that such actions would be considered treason. A crime punishable by death." Her red eyes glowed dangerously.

"W-what?"

Anastasia sighed. "You need to start remembering your place, Seras Victoria. You know it. You sensed it when he challenged you and tried to harm you. You are above him. You're something special. Something noble. Filth like him shouldn't even be looking you in the eye."

"I'm so confused…" Seras knew that Anastasia was right. She had heard that voice in her head; that raw instinct that told her that the male vampire had crossed a line with her, and had overstepped some innate and invisible boundary within vampire culture. It was partly what had made her so angry. But why? How? Anastasia kept telling her she was royalty in the vampire world, but that made such little sense to her. Just because she was Alucard's fledgling? How did all of this work?!

Anastasia chuckled at the draculina's thoughts. "Everything will be explained to you in your lessons. This is why all of our teachings are so important and why we will not simply just teach you how to fight and defend yourself. There are instincts within you that you need to understand. You're part of a whole new culture now; a different species. Human morals, customs, and culture… it's all meaningless to us."

Seras bowed her head as she fought back tears. She thought she had come to terms with being a vampire a long time ago, but now it seemed like she had only taken the first step into her new world. Seras all of a sudden felt very much like a human once again. A human child. Everything was so new and strange to her. She was Seras Victoria, but she was Seras Victoria the what? Right now, she was neither human, nor vampire. Nor was she even really a fledgling since her master no longer wanted her. She was trapped in a limbo. A jigsaw piece that could not find where she belonged. She fought against all of the other pieces, trying to insert herself somewhere that made sense, but they all protested and pushed her away. Seras had always felt like she never had her own slot in the universe to call her own, even back when she was human. She never fit in anywhere.

Anastasia's sigh brought Seras back out of her thoughts. "I think perhaps you have had enough excitement for one day. Let us return home."

Home. That word left a bitter taste in Seras' mouth. She had no home. It certainly wasn't with these strange people.

But before Seras could even consider the idea of bolting, Anastasia had grabbed hold of her wrist in a titanium hold, and after a few seconds of being pulled through the darkness once again, Seras found herself back in what was supposed to be her room in the castle. She turned, only to watch as Anastasia disappeared without another word, leaving the young vampire alone. Seras immediately collapsed onto her knees and stared glumly out of the balcony entrance and up at the night sky. The stars were now beginning to fade as the sky grew lighter. Orange rays of light were just barely visible over the thick forest of trees that blocked the horizon from few. Birds began singing, and she could sense everyone else within the castle settling down for the day.

Seras squeezed her eyes shut before opening them again, hoping that maybe all of this was just a bad dream. What would the others say when they found that male vampire? Would he recover? Guilt began to burn away at her, even though he had attacked and tried to kill her first. Back when she was a police officer, she was taught to always secure and restrain, and never to kill. In becoming a vampire, she had broken her pledge to serve and protect. Now she was the opposite. Now she was the villain who stalked the night.

If the Seras of half a century ago could see her now, what would she think? No doubt she would be repulsed. Why had she chosen to follow her master into the night? At the time, she hadn't truly understood what he was asking her, she just knew that she didn't want to die and the strange man in red was offering her the chance of escaping that. She had felt drawn to him. Something inside her had told her to go with him, while the more rational side of her brain was petrified. From the very beginning, Seras felt like her life was a roller coaster ride. She couldn't choose the path she went down, and she could never get off. She was tethered down to her seat, forced to endure the ride (A.K.A. whatever everybody else decided for her).

The young vampire couldn't help but huff at that thought. Looking back, her master hadn't exactly given her a choice. He had just manipulated the situation like he always did. It was clear that he wouldn't have taken no for an answer and had just pretended to ask her out of, what? Curtesy? To give her the illusion it had been her choice? To taunt her? He never truly explained what he was asking of her. Her confirmation of her virginity had been interpreted as a green light rather than just her answering the strange and personal question that had suddenly been thrown at her out of nowhere. If she had known her master was going to shoot her, would she have said yes? What would he have done if she had said no?

Sighing to herself, Seras rose to her feet again, trying to push all of those 'what if?' scenarios to one side for now, at least. Her limbs continued to tremble slightly from everything that had happened. But at the same time, it felt like she had unlocked something. Like she had access to a part of her mind that she hadn't even realised was there. But what she saw was a dark void that she immediately had no interest in exploring. Seras mentally pulled steel doors down over it, pretending that it wasn't there.

"My lady?" a voice whispered as the door behind her creaked open.

Seras froze, knowing it was only Eva, but still not bringing herself to trust anyone right now. She refused to turn around and acknowledge the young girl. She just wanted to be left alone. All she had ever wanted was to be left alone. But Seras very much doubted there would be a chance of that happening.

"My lady? Are you alright?" Eva asked again, closing the door gently behind her.

"I'm fine," Seras responded flatly.

"Do I smell blood?" Eva sniffed the air.

Seras then gasped and glanced back down at her hands, having completely forgotten that the blood of the male vampire still coated her skin. It was beginning to dry against her pale skin, and some of it was even staining the nice white blouse that she had put on earlier. Panic consumed her again, and Seras jumped ten feet into the air before landing back down, staring at her hands in horror. The memory of the look in the male vampire's eye bore into her soul, and Seras could feel something beginning to pound against the steel door that covered the dark void, begging to be let out.

She'd attacked a vampire… She had attacked a full-blooded vampire…

She was doomed. She was dead. She was done for.

No doubt the other vampires there would be disgusted and repulsed by what she had done. No doubt she had just committed a major vampire social faux pas. Now she would never be able to win any of them over enough to live a peaceful existence. Would they hunt her down? Would they come here to attack her? Did Anastasia even realise this?

"My lady, what's the matter?" Seras jumped when she felt two warm hands on her shoulders. She immediately shrugged out of the other girl's hold, though a part of her desperately craved to just be held in someone's arms right now, knowing that she was about to fall apart.

Eva seemed to sense this and allowed Seras to shrug out of her hold. The young girl kept her distance, and Seras could feel her brown eyes watching her in alarm. She held her hands up as if to demonstrate that she was of no threat, and kept as still as a statue. Her blue dress reminded Seras of the morning light that was now beginning to seep through into the room. Realising this herself, Eva cautiously made her way towards the balcony and pulled the doors closed, sealing the room in darkness once more and protecting them from the rising sun.

"Seras," the young draculina finally spoke.

"Pardon?" Eva turned back towards her in confusion.

"Please…" Sera begged. "Please, just call me Seras."

"But…"

Seras sighed as she moved to sit down on the edge of her coffin. She clasped her hands together in an attempt to hide the blood smeared on the palms of her hands. There was no hiding the scent though, so Seras held her breath. But she knew that she would need to inhale at least a little bit of air so that she could speak. There seemed to be no escaping what she had done or what she was. It reminded her of her early days in Hellsing; her desperate attempts to cling onto her humanity. It felt like she was back there right now – always in denial. She had taken a giant leap backwards, it seemed.

"Nobody ever seems to call me by my name," Seras finally spoke again, explaining herself to the confused girl who remained standing by the balcony doors with her hands behind her back. "I just want… at least somebody… to call me by my first name…"

"Seras…" Eva sounded her name out, her brown eyes becoming even warmer, reminding Seras of melted chocolate. "Seras. Very well then, Seras, if that is what you wish."

A smile finally tugged at the corner of Seras' mouth when hearing Eva finally agree to her wishes. It felt good to finally be properly acknowledged by somebody again. She hadn't even realised just how much it had been affecting her. It made her feel like she had no identity. That in certain moments, she was just whatever the person she was with wanted her to be. It was something that was always used to tease her, no matter how innocent and well-meaning the other person may be.

"Thank you," Seras whispered as her posture slumped slightly.

"It's such a unique name," Eva added. "I don't think I've ever met somebody with that name."

Seras shrugged. "My parents' idea of a joke, I suppose. They may as well have named me 'target' because that's what my name turned me into at school."

Eva giggled. "But why, though? It's such a beautiful name."

"It's not as nice as 'Eva.'"

Eva waved a hand dismissively. "My name is such a common name. I wish I had a more unique and pretty name like yours."

Seras laughed. "Trust me, you don't."

"But I wouldn't care what other people would think. It would be my name and it would be special to me because so few people have the privilege of having such a name."

Seras blinked, but smiled at Eva's kindness. In truth, Seras didn't really hate her name. She just hated that people teased her over it, spelt it wrong, misheard her, or just gave her a nickname since they couldn't be bothered to take the time to remember it. That, or people would just refer to her by her surname since that was much more common and classical.

"Are you hurt?" Eva finally asked as she eyed Seras' hands, knowing immediately that that was where the scent of blood was coming from. Seras squeezed her hands even tighter in response. She didn't want to see it. She wanted to pretend that it wasn't there. Pretend that this whole night had never happened. Why did Anastasia have to take her to such a place? Why couldn't she have just stayed in the castle and learnt everything here? She wanted nothing to do with other vampires. It always resulted in carnage.

"Let me see," Eva spoke again before coming closer, her pace becoming faster when Seras no longer flinched away from her presence. She stood before the draculina and grabbed hold of her hands, peeling Seras' fingers away from the palm of her hand so that she could get a better look. Seras closed her eyes and gritted her teeth, not wanting to look. Screaming and banging once again came from behind those sealed metal doors inside her mind. Within her own mind, Seras attempted to curl herself into a corner and cover her ears as the creature inside continued to scream and pound against the metal. It felt like the banging sounds were pushing two halves of her brain further and further apart, splitting her in two, with a dark abyss lying between the two halves.

Seras snapped her eyes back open, hoping to distract herself from whatever insanity was taking place within her mind. She instead locked her eyes on the silk of Eva's apron, watching as the almost transparent material shined in the candlelight. It looked way fancier than just a normal apron. Every vampire that Seras met had seemed glamorous, no matter what their 'rank' was considered to be. That gave Seras even more of a reason to feel like an outsider. She didn't necessarily consider herself beautiful, and she certainly had no eye for fashion.

"It's not my blood," Seras finally admitted as she pushed herself further back into the coffin so that her middle half sunk into the red silk while her knees bent over the edges and left her feet hanging limply in the air. The smell of the soil underneath comforted her slightly, and she pulled her hands away from Eva and wiped some of the blood onto her black jeans, however most of it had already dried itself onto her skin. She supposed that she could absorb it, but the thought of partaking in somebody else's essence again frightened her. She couldn't remember the last time she had consciously drunk blood. She shied away from it until it was practically forgotten.

"Then whose –"

"I got into a fight with another vampire," Seras sighed out, refusing to look Eva in the eye, terrified of what the smaller, frailer creature would think of her.

Much to Seras' astonishment, Eva merely chuckled. "I bet it was that Eleanor, wasn't it?"

"Huh?"

"She's always causing trouble. If you beat her up, or even killed her, I bet everybody else found it most entertaining."

Seras finally looked back up into Eva's eyes, only to see no hint of fear, but pure amusement.

"N-no… It wasn't Eleanor, but I think it was somebody who knew her and was close to her." Seras frowned as she tried to remember everything that the male vampire had said to her. Most of it had gone over her head so she hadn't bothered to log it into her memory. All Seras had cared about was getting out of that situation.

"Were they a man?" Eva asked.

Seras nodded.

"It was most likely her brother then. Nobody likes or respects him. Levi called him something once that is very unladylike and I will not be repeating." Eva giggled again. "I'm assuming that you put him in his place? I wish I had been there to see that. I've hated him ever since he disrespected my lady Anastasia."

Seras gasped. "Why? What did he do?"

Eva frowned. "I'd rather not say. It is not my secret to discuss. But Charles is a very ambitious and snobbish vampire, despite the little power he possesses. He's been trying to force his sister onto the King for centuries, and he's also always forcing himself onto powerful female vampires in the hopes of rising through the ranks."

An uncomfortable feeling stirred itself within Seras' stomach. "Force his sister onto the King?"

Eva looked like she was worried that she had said too much before she sighed and sat down on the ground outside of Seras' coffin. Her skirts bundled up around her legs, and she picked invisible pieces of fluff off the fabric. "Political marriage is not something that exists in the vampire world, but Charles clings onto that human way of thinking. He believes that trying to get his sister to marry the King would grant him more power and privileges, but it just doesn't work like that. Vampire marriages are rare."

Seras gasped. "Vampires can get married?"

"Yes, but probably not in the way you're imagining right now," Eva explained.

Thoughts began crossing Seras' mind of her arriving at a church in a white wedding dress, her faceless groom awaiting her further down in the aisles. However, the moment Seras entered the church, she burst into flames upon the holy grounds. The thought caused a small giggle to escape from between her lips. Eva raised an eyebrow, though Seras assumed she could most likely guess what the young vampire had been imagining.

Perhaps vampire weddings were more Satanic in style? The church within Seras' mind transformed into some sort of temple, and the draculina imagined herself in a red wedding dress instead with upside down crosses surrounding her, and the devil himself stood at the altar, ready to give them their vows. Again, Seras giggled at the thought.

"But Charles became even more enraged and offended when the King wouldn't even take Eleanor as one of his 'brides'," Eva continued explaining.

"Brides? I thought you said marriage was rare?"

Eva shook her head. "You misunderstand me. In the royal court, they're referred to as 'brides' though I suppose you would be more familiar with the term concubine, or mistress."

"Oh." Seras could feel her cheeks heating up.

It felt… weird imagining her master be like that. In all the time that she had known him, he had never once showed any hint that he had… sexual desires. It got to a point where Seras figured that he just wasn't interested in that sort of thing. She had figured that, like most things, Bram Stoker had gotten it wrong in his novel. That it was just another way to further paint the vampire king in an evil light. Not that she had read the full novel anyway. Integra had bought it her for Christmas once as a joke, and Seras had fallen asleep halfway through the first chapter. But it was such a classic that Seras had always had a vague awareness of the plot.

But all that stuff about 'brides' like you saw in the movie versions? It was real? Seras wasn't sure what she was feeling in that moment, but it certainly wasn't pleasant. Seras had always found stuff like that dirty and wrong, and to think of her master having many different lovers… it made her lose respect for him. It was none of her business, she supposed, and she had no idea why this revelation upset her so much. Her master could do what he wanted. He was the king. As long as he wasn't raping or mistreating these women, then who was she to judge what he got up to in his spare time?

But that sour taste remained in the young vampire's mouth. It seemed the more she tried not to care, the more she did care. This was so stupid. Why was this bothering her? It hammered away at the back of her mind, refusing to go away until Seras fully acknowledged it. It was none of her damn business! She could feel her nails digging themselves into the palms of her hand, and this only served to make her angrier. She needed to stop getting so worked up over this. So what if her master had strings of affairs? So what if he bedded a different woman every day? It was none of her fucking business!

"Seras?"

"What?!" she snapped back before she could stop herself. When her red eyes met Eva's brown ones, she instantly relaxed again, concerned about what had suddenly come over her. She was probably just tired, and she rushed to apologise. "Sorry."

"It's okay." Eva smiled softly. "You looked completely lost in your own little world."

Seras shrugged, trying to ignore the mini meltdown she had nearly had over her master's sex life. Thinking about it like that made Seras feel even more pathetic and stupid. But she supposed maybe she was just concerned about the welfare of these women. After all, she knew how terrifying and menacing her master could be. But she wouldn't say he was… abusive? Maybe to those who crossed him, but it seemed that as long as you stayed out of his way and didn't do anything threatening towards him, he left you be. In fact, he seemed as though he had a high degree of respect for a lot of people in his life. Before his betrayal, he and Walter had always been close. Of course there was also Integra who he appeared to have an unbreakable bond with. He'd never hurt any of them.

But then, the young vampire's thoughts couldn't help but travel back to that night…

She quickly shook her head. No! She would not think about it!

"Are… are you okay?" Eva's voice rescued her from those memories.

"Yes!" Seras responded a little too quickly. "I was just lost in thought again, I guess."

Eva smiled again. "So what did you end up doing to him anyway?"

"Who?"

"Charles, of course.

Seras blinked. "Of course… ummm. It was all such a blur… I don't even know if I want to talk about it."

Eva looked worried. "Is something wrong?"

"I just don't want any trouble. I don't want to hurt anyone. When he cornered me like that… I don't know, but something happened and I just snapped. I've taken on enemies no problem in the past, but I've always pretty much been in control. This was different. I felt… feral. Like I had totally lost control of myself. I wasn't me anymore; the very thing I feared from the beginning," Seras tried her best to explain.

Eva placed a comforting hand on Seras' knee, and the draculina sighed at the calming and grounding effect that it had on her. At least Eva wasn't running scared like she worried she would do. Trust Seras to be the weird vampire that went through strange things and acted completely insane.

"It's perfectly normal," Eva reassured her. "You'll learn to get used to it."

"But I don't want to get used to it!" Seras exclaimed, throwing her arms out desperately. "I want it to go away! I want it to not happen at all! I don't want to lose myself!"

"And you won't." Eva remained calm, reaching over to grab one of Seras' hands. "It's a natural part of you. It is you. It's just your most basic instincts coming to the surface, that's all. All vampires experience it, even weaker ones such as myself. Even humans can experience it sometimes, and being a vampire just unlocks that part of yourself more so that you can survive in such a dangerous supernatural world. I'm sure Anastasia, Levi and Edmund would be able to explain it far better than I ever could. But it's nothing to be afraid of. You just need to get to grips with it better, like a temper, if you will. It's an extra emotion and part of your brain that you must learn to embrace and control."

Seras' eyes remained wide with fear. "But it feels so… so… animalistic."

Eva giggled. "I suppose in a way, it is. You felt threatened, and your instincts took over, almost like a human fight or flight response. Instincts, thoughts, and emotions become a thousand times more powerful when transformed into a vampire. You're still not even a century old. It's normal that you're still trying to come to grips with it, but you will in time."

"How are you so calm about all of this?" Seras gasped.

Eva laughed again. "You forget that I am much older than you."

Seras furrowed her eyebrows as she remembered that fact. It was so easy to forget when looking at the small girl. She looked barely older than sixteen, and she was so small and innocent looking. It was hard to believe that such a non-threatening looking girl was actually a vampire. Other vampires seemed to naturally possess an aura that automatically had Seras feeling uneasy and on edge, but she didn't experience that with Eva. The brown haired vampire felt almost like a younger sister to her. She was the only person who had shown her true kindness from the very start.

"I guess that all makes sense…" Seras admitted as she allowed Eva's words to sink in more. However, it did little to reassure her. The idea still scared the shit out of her. All of these intense new feelings… how was she supposed to handle them? Where did she even begin?

"It should all start making more sense to you very soon. Lady Anastasia informed me that your lessons begin at dusk tomorrow," Eva announced as she pulled herself back up off the floor and straightened out her skirts.

"Don't I get a lie-in?" Seras half-joked.

Eva giggled. "Not if Lady Anastasia has her way, no."

Seras pouted before she could stop herself. That pout then turned into a yawn as her eyelids began to naturally grow heaving from sensing the sun rising in the sky. It was a miracle that Seras had managed to stay awake for this long, but she supposed it was because she had a lot going on in her mind. She still did, but the drowsiness was finally taking over. She found herself shifting so that she was lying much more comfortably within the coffin. The red silk stroked against her exposed skin and made her feel like she was floating on a soft cloud.

"Good day, Seras," she heard Eva whisper sweetly from just above her.

"Good day," Seras replied sleepily, barely paying attention as Eva brought the lid of the coffin over the top of her, completely sealing her away from the rest of the world.

Seras barely even registered her claustrophobia for once at sleeping in a strange coffin. She was too tired to care. Memories of the day swirled around in her head. Waking up in a strange place, meeting new vampires, Anastasia's words, her master's laughter, Eva's comforting advice, her master's piercing red irises, the fighting vampires, Charles attacking her, and much more. It was a never ending whirlpool that sucked her deep down into unconsciousness.


Sorry if this chapter feels a bit on the shorter and more boring side, since it is mainly pretty much filler until stuff kicks off again in the next chapter. I hope that you still enjoyed reading this chapter though, and pretty please let me know your thoughts! I crave your opinions like a vampire craves blood! I hope that you're all having a lovely week and are staying safe. I'll see you all again soon!