useless ;

gumi

First comes death, then a funeral.

I still remember the day when we all went to Miku's.

Fragile flowers and broken vases lingered in the depressing atmosphere, each shard of the vase piercing through our saddened hearts.

Len and Rin were bawling their eyes out, hiccups filling in the tremendous silence of the ivory-colored walls. Every time their eyes landed on the casket—her photo, they couldn't help but uncontrollably cry even more.

I wanted to console them, I really did, but every time I tried to, Fukase stopped me.

But every time I asked why he would say: "Give them space," He says, "They need it."

But I didn't want to give them space. I wanted to console them—to tell them that everything will be fine, that it will be okay, that Miku is in a better place and she didn't want to see them like this. But even so, would those things even make them feel better? I didn't know what they were feeling on the inside, so how the hell would those things even put them back together?

I still remember making eye contact with Rin's watery eyes, the sight of it making my chest hurt.

I remember Mikuo and Luka trying their best to cover their tears, but they were so terrible at hiding them.

I still remember the feeling. Every time I landed my eyes on Miku's smiling photo, nothing came out of my eyes; I felt so numb. Sure, I was really, really upset; I was so heartbroken—no, those words can't describe the kind of despair I was feeling that day, but I just felt so...empty.

The day after that, Rin and Len didn't come to school. I remember finding the twins in Rin's bedroom after a week of missing school; their legs and arms were thinner than usual, and their porcelain skin was now dry and dead. Their eyes were a horrifying shade of red, tears building up in the corners of their piercing blue eyes.

"I should die," I remember Rin blurting out those words like it was nothing, "I deserve to be dead," Those simple heartbreaking words made my ears bleed. I didn't know what to do then, I just sat there, my entire body shaking uncontrollably as I sobbed silently, hiccups shivering through my tired lungs and hoarse whispers choking out of my dry throat.

What do I say to that? I never felt like that before, so what can I say that doesn't sound wrong?

The only words I could muster were: "Don't say that," I say calmly, "You don't deserve to be dead." I don't know what to say.

Yet those words weren't enough, they weren't enough to get through Len's suicidal thoughts.

Because a month after Miku's death, he jumped off the school rooftop. And then came his funeral, which was now.

Rin's hands uncontrollably trembled as she held a single white rose, fingers clutching it onto dear life almost as if it was the most important thing to her in the world. She was standing beside me, porcelain blue eyes tracing the flower-covered coffin before us as tears rolled down her flushed cheeks, dripping down onto the floor as they gave up holding onto her skin for their life.

"Fuck," I hear her silently curse as she wipes her crimsoned eyes, sniffling a little as her grip on the rose tightens. As I retracted a hand towards her shoulder, I hesitated; Was it the right thing to do? Is it better to do something than to do absolutely nothing? "Gumi," She shakily says, wiping her nose as her blue eyes catch ahold of my hand. "What are you doing?" Her hoarse voice rings in my ears. "A-ah, um.." I splutter, fidgeting with my fingers. "N-no, it's nothing, it's nothing, Rin." I couldn't help but force nervous laughter to bubble out of me as I sniffled, wiping my eyes.

You're making a fool of yourself, you sick monster.

Rin didn't say anything, she only stared at me with a confused gaze. "...If you want to tell me something, you can go ahead and tell me, Gumi." Rin somehow musters up the energy to give me a weak smile, and huddles a bit closer to me, which only made me even more nervous.

"No, it's..it's nothing." I sniffle, wiping a tear from my eye. "Don't worry about it."

'Yeah, I don't want her to worry anymore. It'll just put so much pressure on her', my thoughts spoke.

"You sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure."

I only give her a weak smile, knowing that she probably didn't believe me, and is probably calling me a fool underneath her warm expression; I'm no help at all. "We can talk afterward if you'd like," Rin says softly, her raspy yet sweet voice flowing in my ears, somehow putting me at ease. "...I know things are rough right now, but if you need to vent or something I'm here to listen."

'No, no! I-I shouldn't be the one venting, you should! You're the one who should be venting, not me. Don't worry about me, Rin.'

"N-no, it's..it's okay, RinRin." I force a smile, those words screaming in my head. "It's nothing; absolutely...nothing."

Rin doesn't say anything after that, and faces her brother's photo, eyes dead and face blank; no emotion is shown in her crumbling figure.

What I'm feeling right now isn't a big deal.

Feeling useless isn't a big deal, compared to this.

[NOTE]

I'm not really satisfied with this chapter, so I hope you guys enjoyed it. My writing kinda sucks at the moment, aha.

Anyway, have a great day/night wherever you are!

Stay safe!