Part 2-ish of Chapter 2.


I know you cross the bridge that I can't follow


"She's stable but slowly going in and out of consciousness. This baby needs to come out of her before she goes into hypervolemic shock. And call the social worker. We're coming in with her two kids."

The darkness had almost completely closed in on her as the paramedic rattled off to the dispatcher. Aside from the pain, all she could feel were Zola's tiny fingers gripping her hand as hard as she could through the thick white sheets.

I'm okay. Momma's okay.

The words had formed in her brain but hadn't had the chance to actually leave her mouth.

Every fiber in her body was dedicated to keeping her eyes open, but the darkness warped her reality. The tiredness in her bones inviting her to simply give in. By the time she had mustered enough strength to open them again, she was already in an OR.

Wait. No, my kids. Where are my kids?

"Count backwards from 10, Dr. Grey."

No. Wait.

Closing her eyes, she stood in the elevator thinking of him. Chanting his name in her head, as if calling him to meet her once the floor stopped moving and the doors opened.

It wasn't him though. It was nothing but a bright light, warm and inviting her to cross into it. It called to her, promising her something tempting. And as she stepped forward, she felt renewed– forgetting all that was.

She somehow ended up standing on a street corner, clueless as to where she came from or was going. She couldn't help but feel like she's been here before. Nothing seemed to be in-focus but a short five-step staircase led you down to a place slightly hidden, apparently named Joe's Bar and Grill according to the sign that hung by the wall. The neon colors seemed to be the only thing catching her attention.

It's not like she had anywhere else to be…she thinks. She's not so sure.

Her steps were slow and hesitant but her heart seemed to beat towards the hole-in-the-wall establishment, its rustic appeal seemed so mystifying and ethereal. It's like it wasn't earth right now.

She took her time down the steps until she stood before a glass door that peeked into a rinky-dink restaurant. It seemed to be empty; the light from the dull noontime stormclouds still seeping in to reveal chairs flipped on top of tables, shelves fully stocked with clean glasses, dartboards yet to be pierced by any arrows.

No one was there. Not even a bartender it seemed. Which was odd because the blue neon sign on the window read 'open' in bold letters.

She frowned confusedly and tried to look for any sign of life behind that door until she finally spotted someone. Or someone's back at least.

A man was sitting comfortably on a chair, a glass of what she assumed was scotch resting by his bent elbow on a table. His shoulders were relaxed as he stared at the empty row of bar stools in front of the main bar table.

Why was he there? More importantly, why was she there? Staring into a bar at a man sitting alone seemed like an odd thing to do. She was a busy person. At least she had a feeling that she was.

She was tempted to turn around and leave until the man, clad in a red shirt and sporting a beautiful mane of jet black hair, decided to clutch his fingers around the rim of the glass and stand on his feet. He walked calmly to the bar as if he had not a care in the world that he was alone, and sat patiently on the barstool, sipping the amber without a thought in the world.

Meredith suddenly grew shy, her eyes widening in surprise and ducking anywhere but forward when his head absentmindedly wandered around till it turned around to meet her intent gaze.

A blush crept up her cheeks when her face peeked out of hiding only to realize he was still meeting it back. She straightened her stance and looked at him closely.

She knew him. He looked so…familiar. She didn't know a lot right now, but she knew that face. She knew that it had a warm smile when it was happy, but it also had a death glare that could make you feel small. She knew that a dimple would carve out on his cheek when he'd clench his jaw. She knew the hump on his nose, the line between his brows, and the scar on his upper left forehead.

The man raised his eyebrows playfully shocked while a smirk played on his lips. She felt like he was inviting her in. He looked at her with such adoration and love, no one had ever looked at her like that besides Derek.

Derek.

Derek. It was Derek. She could feel her chest pound madly as she excitedly restudied the face before her that she finally put a name on.

Her teeth sucked in the insides of her cheeks as she failed to contain her huge grin. She wasn't sure of anything right now except that the man smiling at her like a dork through the door was the love of her life.

Her palm pressed against the cool glass, unsure if it was real but still hoping it was so. Such actions only prompted him to give her a questioning look; like he was happy to see her but also confused.

She didn't care. She placed her hand on the handle of the door, ready to shove it open until she had noted that his smile disappeared instantly.

Derek's eyes grew distressed as he looked at her, the blue in it sparkling in worry. He looked just like Bailey.

Bailey.

His head shook slowly in a sad smile, and she couldn't help but feel he was telling her not to come in. The bottom of his lips jutting out slightly in apology the same way Zola's did when she felt guilty.

Oh god. Zola.

Her kids. Their kids.

Her hand rested frozen on the knob, honestly still tempted to push the handle down and run towards him, but a sinking feeling in her stomach told her not to.

She wondered if he knew. If he knew that sometimes, she wished that when he had died, she had gone with him. That ever since he left, her heart hurt to the point where she just wanted it to stop beating. That at night, she dreamt about him and hoped that she never had to wake up. That a part of her had gone with him when she let him go.

That every day was pain, and she was running out of hope. What little life she had in her was for Zola and Bailey, and nothing was left for her.

She looked at him with such sadness, as if telling him that an iota of her wanted to be selfish. That she'd been living in pain for nine straight months and wondered what if she didn't make it? What if she just had this baby and died?

But he gave her a look. Their look. A smug look that told her he knew she wouldn't have it in her to just give up. That his force of nature was too full of love to just leave it all behind, and an apologetic smile that let her know that it just wasn't time to walk into the bar yet.

She sighed deeply as she let the handle go, and just like that, a gust of pain knocked into her like the wind.

The kind of excruciating pain that she was used to, it felt like meeting up with an old acquaintance. She stood there watching him, everything she had wanted and asked for. She watched him until she walked away, turning to climb the stairs, knowing that he'll be there.

Staying there.

Unmoving.

Waiting for her.


"Dr. Grey, how are you feeling?"

She groaned at the soreness that spread throughout her body.

"Are you up for meeting someone?" the nurse called with a smile as she watched her gather her consciousness together and placed the chart back on the edge of her bed.

Her baby. She had her baby.

She sat up almost immediately, wincing as the nurse walked over to elevate her bed into a sitting position, adding another pillow behind her. "Slow down, doctor. You have stitches. It's okay. She's perfect. I'm gonna go get her okay?"

Meredith nodded slowly as she studied the room around her, slowly fully waking up as she rested her back on the mattress.

If there's a crisis, you don't freeze. You move forward. You get the rest of us to move forward. Because you've seen worse. You've survived worse. And you know we'll survive too.

The softest of whimpers spiraled into her ears after she stared out the window for a while. She gave the nurse a grateful smile as she handed the slightly fussing baby down to her, cooing at the tiny human in her arms, softly pining.

Joy overflowed in her heart for the first time in a long time as the baby opened her eyes to reveal a deep familiar deep blue. "Hey, it's okay. It's alright," she babbled back to her daughter.

She was so beautiful. Her perfect little button nose, her soft head, the adorable scrounge on her face.

Little cries elicited from her and her itty bitty fingers moved forward, begging to clutch anything. She had calmed down in her mother's gentle embrace, leaning her head in as the feel of her mother's skin touched her cheek.

I'm not gonna get down on one knee. I'm not gonna ask a question. I love you, Meredith Grey. And I wanna spend the rest of my life with you.

He did. And now, she gets to spend the rest of her life with him; with a part of Derek that lives in the one she's cradling in her arms. Her hope not only renewed but overflowing as she looked down at their perfect little daughter.

There has to be a way to move past this. All I have to do is begin.


A/N: Would love your review! Also, I'm about to update LWIF because writing this is so depressing, I need something bright and shiny. How do you guys feel about this story so far?