Chapter 3:

She moved without thinking when she saw the green light upon Erik's shoulder. Turning around, she called out, trying to warn him, only to feel a tiny prick in her own shoulder.

She felt her world slow down in an instant and yet felt it rush by her quickly.

As she collapsed, she could vaguely hear Erik and the boy moving around, but her body began to convulse on the ground and she couldn't spare them another thought. Pain laced through her and she felt as though she were being flayed alive. She moaned pitifully as her vision went red and black.

When her eyes cleared, it was to the sight of a pale hand stretched before her. In another moment, she realized it was her own hand.

'That's not right,' she thought. 'That's not my hand. That's not me.'

She felt a shiver rush through her and the tremble in the hand in front of her matched. She shook even more. A blonde lock of hair fell over her eyes and she resisted the urge to rip it away.

"You saved me."

She looked up.

Erik stood above her, his eyes taking in her new form. They were wide before something settled in them. Setting his jaw, he began to turn away from her.

"Erik," she breathed, all but reaching for him. Why was he turning from her?

He looked back down upon her, his gaze cold. "I'm sorry, my dear. You're not one of us anymore."

She couldn't breathe.

He didn't look back as he walked away from her with his new recruits and the boy. She heard him say, "It's such a shame. She was so beautiful," as he left and the air that was still locked inside left her lungs.

And he was gone.

She didn't move for what felt like hours. She just lay there, resting her head on the dirty ground. Her blonde hair fell over her face and she could see it move with her breathing.

What now?

She didn't know what to do.

How could he leave her?

After thinking about it for a second, a laugh escaped her. She shouldn't be surprised, actually. Of course he'd leave her. She'd always known, ever since the beginning, what his interest in her was. Had she really convinced herself that maybe he'd actually cared for more than her mutation?

The dried tears she didn't know were there told her she had.

How stupid of her.

She put everything into his plan- everything into him. She gave him everything.

And now what?

There was nothing.

She wasn't Mystique anymore. She hadn't been Raven in a long time. Who was she now?

She was nobody. She was nothing.

And she had nothing. There was nothing but the mission, nothing but her mutation. It was her identity and now it's gone- her worth along with it.

What now?

-x-

Rogue was sitting in the kitchen when it hit.

She was pouring a bowl of cheerios for Kitty when suddenly Jean's voice was screeching through the air, sending static waves through her brain and cereal flying everywhere. When it settled, she shared a bewildered look with Jubilee and Kitty who sat opposite of her.

"What was that?" Jubilee asked, but before either girl could answer, Storm was running past the doorway and their attention was snagged. All three ran for the door and Rogue could see Logan running down the staircase to meet Storm on the ground floor. They booked it towards the Professor's office.

"That can't be good," Kitty mumbled as they stayed in the kitchen doorway.

Rogue had to agree.

-x-

Returning with Jean from Alkali Lake should have been one of the happiest moments in her life. And it was…until Storm walked into Scott's room to find it empty.

She searched everywhere for him and every time she came up empty, she felt her lungs constrict even more.

Where was he? He couldn't have left?

She turned on her heel and made a beeline for the Professor. Maybe he'd know where Scott was.

-x-

Logan stared down at Jean's prone form, her once bright red hair a burnt scarlet that stained the gurney like dried blood.

She looked calm, but the Professor's words echoed in his brain.

"The only explanation of Jean's survival is that her powers wrapped her in a cocoon of telekinetic energy."

"Is she gonna be okay?"

"Yes, I believe so. Jean's mutation is an interesting one. She has inside her what is called The Phoenix. Not much is known about it, but what I do know is that it's a powerful entity that bonds with its host. When Jean was a young girl, it bonded with her, but it was too strong for her then. I created a series psychic barriers to isolate it from her conscious mind and as a result Jean developed a duel personality."

"What?"

"The conscious Jean who's powers were always within her control and the dormant side- the Phoenix."

"You're talking about a person's mind here, you can't just-"

"The Phoenix is too strong to be left unchecked. It's like the id. A purely instinctual creature- all desire and joy…and rage. "

"Did she know all this?"

"It's unclear how much she knew. The real question though, is who is sitting before us. Is it the Jean Grey we know…or the Phoenix struggling to break free?"

"She looks pretty calm to me."

"That's because I'm keeping her that way. I'm trying to restore my psychic blocks and help restrain the beast again."

"You can't just keep it locked away. This is a person- this is Jean we're talking about!"

"You don't understand. You don't know what she's capable of."

Logan shook his head. He didn't know what she's capable of, that's for damn sure. But he thought he knew the Professor and what he was capable of.

"Sometimes you can't cage the beast. And sometimes the beast gets angry at trying to be controlled."

Logan's fists clenched. He respected the Professor, but this felt wrong. He knew, better than most, what it was like to have people try to control you, try to take away what made you who you were. It infuriated him. And the thought that the Professor could be just like…like Stryker…made him sick.

He clenched his fist, feeling the bone beneath it grind with metal. He dropped his hand. Glancing over, his eyes caught another thing that lay on a nearby table that made his gut clench.

At Alkali Lake, not only had they found Jean's body, but he had also found Scott's glasses- something he hadn't shared with Storm in all the rush of events. He hadn't had time to tell her, but they weighed heavy on him now.

Where was One Eye? He had obviously been there…where had he gone?

Suddenly a rush went through him and every piece of equipment in the room stuttered and beeped.

Then it stopped.

He looked around but it wasn't until he looked back down at Jean that he realized what had happened.

She woke up.

"Jean!" he rushed over, not knowing what to do as the woman looked so disoriented as she struggled to gain her bearings.

"Lemme go get the Professor," he started, turning for the door, when her hand caught his arm. It was a surprisingly strong grip.

"W-wait, Logan. I-I-" she was gasping for breath, her lashes fluttering. He stepped closer but felt his muscles tense in preparation. For what, he wasn't sure.

"Do you remember what happened?" he asked quietly.

Her eyes squinted and she struggled to recall, but she didn't seem to be successful. She let out a groan as she ripped the monitor devices away from her and sat up. He held his hands out to help stabilize her, and she grabbed his arms as she swung her legs over to one side.

"I don't-I don't remember anything, Logan- what-?"

"It's alright, just take deep breaths, alright?" He tried to keep his voice level, knowing he needed to calm her down. He wished she had allowed him to get the Professor. As annoyed with the man as he was, Logan knew he was better at handling this shit than he did. Logan didn't know what else to do. He didn't know what was wrong.

She took deep breaths. He tried studying her face, but she wouldn't look him in the eye. The energy she gave off was frantic and her scent was wild and…off. There was something not quite right, but he couldn't pin point it. She seemed like herself but there was something there that he couldn't put his finger on.

Or it could just be the fact that she just came back to life. He'll leave it at that for now.

While she continued to take breaths, his gaze caught on the glasses not too far away. They were going to keep bothering him unless he brought them up. Maybe that'll help her remember.

"Jean, listen to me," he grasped her shoulders and her eyes finally darted to his. "Do you remember what happened to Scott? Did you see him?"

Her brow furrowed, "Scott? Wha-?"

"When we found you, we also found his glasses- but not him. He can't go anywhere without his glasses, you know that…Do you know what happened to him?"

Her gaze went distant then, as she looked into herself to see if she could find the answer. When she let out a haggard gasp and tears sprang to the corners of her eyes, his heart sunk and he knew- he knew without her even saying anything.

He may not have been buddy-buddy with him, but…damn if the guy wasn't someone he considered an ally, if not a close one.

"Scott!" she sobbed, the tears streaking her face as she turned into Logan's arms. "Oh God, Scott! What did I-?"

He shushed her, pulling her into his arms. He wasn't all that comfortable with emotions, but he knew how to deal with the physicality of a woman. He could hold her, if nothing else. "You can't blame yourself, Jean. It's not your fault."

"Yes it is," she cried, her fingers digging into his arms as she pushed away from him. "It is my fault, Logan. I- I did it! I'm the one who- I killed him! Oh, God, I killed him!"

Logan swallowed harshly at the admission. Now that it was out in the open, it didn't hurt any less. The Professor and Storm still needed to be told too- fuck! This was going to suck.

"You don't know that, Jean. You just woke up a couple of minutes ago. It couldn't have been your fault," he tried being soothing, but Lord help him it was way out of his jurisdiction.

Jean was glaring down at the floor now, her eyes darting everywhere. Her chest started to heave with her heavy breaths.

"Logan, it was me, I know it was-"

"No, you don't!"

His grip became almost harsh as he tried to calm her down. He really wasn't cut out for this.

Her wide eyes stared into his. She seemed to have stopped breathing but he could still hear her heart beating.

He softened his voice when he spoke again: "You don't know for sure, Jean. You don't know."

Her voice was weak when she responded: "But I do know."

He could only look at her. He didn't know what to say.

"Logan…," she began, her fingers curling into his jacket. She was looking back to the ground and shaking her head. "Logan, I-"

Her body suddenly went tense and everything in the room seemed to convulse. Logan felt his bones tremble and his skin tingle as a force pushed him back and away from her, throwing him to the ground.

He was panting harshly as he looked up at her now, her hair blowing in an unseen breeze, her body still. She tilted her chin up and what he saw there made him want to crawl away.

The entirety of her eyes were black. And he knew then.

This was not Jean.

Logan was looking at the Phoenix.

-x-

The Professor was behind her as Storm rushed into the infirmary, but she didn't stop to wait for him.

Something was wrong.

This was confirmed by the ripped off wall that used to be the giant metal door to the medical area. She barely glanced at it before she saw Logan laying the ground.

"Logan!" she cried before she kneeled down next to him. He seemed disoriented as he forced his body to sit up, and she reached out to steady him. "What happened?"

He was breathing heavy as he stared, wide-eyed, up at them. "It wasn't Jean," he said, "It wasn't Jean."

"What have you done?" The Professor muttered, something tragic in his voice, but Storm didn't focus on that.

"Where did she go? What happened?"

Logan finally looked at her. "She thinks she killed Scott, it-it sent her over the edge."

Storm went still.

She tried to speak but her voice wouldn't cooperate. It took her three tries and when she finally did, it came out small and weak.

"Did she?"

Logan went silent.

Storm fell back onto the floor, feeling the air rush out of her. She turned away, her eyes unseeing as she tried to reign in her emotions. Logan leaned toward her.

"It wasn't her, Storm, okay. We don't know for sure if it was her, or if she really even killed him. When she left, she was-"

"The Phoenix."

Logan turned away from her to look at the Professor, but Storm couldn't look anywhere but at the pair of sunglasses that lay broken on the ground a few feet away.

He was gone.

They both were- both her friends were gone. She knew it, felt it in her bones. Jean didn't come back and she took Scott with her.

She heard thunder rumble in her ears but didn't register anything else around her as Logan and the Professor continued to talk behind her.

It wasn't until she felt her arm being roughly shaken that she snapped out of it.

It was Logan and he was speaking into her face, trying to get her to register his words. She forced herself to focus, forced her eyes to narrow and her ears to listen again.

"We have to go," he was saying.

"We have to go."

-x-

I'M SO SORRY ABOUT THE WAIT UGHH MY INSPIRATION AND CREATIVITY IS SO LOW I'M SO SORRY I HOPE THIS UPDATE WAS OKAY I'M SORRY