Chapter 4:
Storm felt like she was moving through water. It took all her energy to not bring down the heavens and let it pour down on everything.
Suffice to say, the ride over wasn't a good one.
As she walked beside the Professor and Logan towards Jean's childhood home, she couldn't help the scowl that coated her expression. She already lost one best friend, now she had to subdue another. Was it even worth it at this point?
"Ororo…," the Professor murmured, and she felt a brief, comforting press against her mind. She felt the strain in her shoulders lessen some, but she could still feel the tightening in her chest. She forced her thoughts to shut down, clamping them down.
She needed to be here for this. She needed to do her part. She couldn't fall apart now.
Her team needed her and they needed her to be levelheaded.
Up ahead she could see a group waiting for them. A giant man stood in front of the walkway to the house and three other individuals behind him. However, the man striding towards them was the one they all knew.
"You were right, Charles," Magneto called out jovially. "This is a special one."
Storm glanced down to the Professor who's jaw clenched. When he spoke, it was to her and Logan however, not Magneto."Wait for me here."
"What?" Logan's tone was sharp.
"I need to see Jean alone." The Professor did not look at anyone as he continued to wheel himself forward. Magneto met him halfway and she and Logan shared a look.
This wasn't going to be good.
-x-
"I don't want trouble here," was the first thing Charles said to Erik, and Erik wanted to laugh. That was always his old friend's way. Always so afraid of conflict. But this time, they were both on the same side.
More or less.
"Nor do I, Charles," he replied as he walked alongside the other man. He could feel Charles looking over his group of mutants- knew who he was looking for.
"She's not here, Charles," he murmured quietly as to only reach their ears.
"Where is she?" Erik could see his knuckles grow white on his seat rest and tried not to smirk. Charles's weaknesses had always been apparent, and this one had been an open wound for years. On the one hand, Erik understood. He cared for both of them- they had all been friends at points in their lives. But on the other, he didn't understand. Attachment was never a good idea and Charles would be better off in finally cutting away from this one. It never did him any good to dwell on that connection.
How to explain to Charles what had happened, though. He knew his friend would be conflicted, knew his friend wouldn't understand why Mystique was not here. He'd condemn Erik for leaving her behind and Erik needed him to be here for this present situation.
"She's gone," was what he finally responded with.
With his helmet on, Charles could not get a read on him- something Erik was immensely grateful for in that moment. He knew Charles wouldn't have hesitated to jump into his brain to find out what had happened to his childhood friend.
Charles stopped his chair and Erik found himself halting as well. In front of them, the Brotherhood waited in anticipation and from behind he could feel the tension mounting. He knew the Wolverine would not stay still for much longer and would cause trouble. He also recognized that Jean was unstable, could feel the power emanating from the house in waves.
They didn't have time to dawdle.
"Charles…"
"Where is she?" Charles's voice was sharper. He wanted a real answer- a truthful one.
Erik frowned. Charles just couldn't let it go- couldn't let her go. It caused for irritation and Erik wished, not for the first time, that that tie would just be severed already.
Erik hated sentiment. It didn't help his cause and it didn't help him. It was nothing but harmful.
Case in point now- Charles couldn't concentrate until Erik answered him.
"She's gone, Charles. She's just gone." His tone was blunt, but he could feel his eyes softening at his friend without his permission.
This is why he hated sentiment.
"Erik, if you did anything to her…" Charles tried to sound threatening but Erik regained his grip and chuckled at him.
"I didn't do anything, my friend. It was her choice." And with that, Erik began to walk forward- with or without Charles next to him.
He heard the wheels begin to move and couldn't help but smirk.
-x-
He was gone.
He was gone.
The Professor was gone.
Logan felt like he couldn't breathe as he stared down at the empty wheelchair. His adrenaline was pumping but there was nothing to fight. There was nothing at all.
He looked back at Storm, whose expression was filled with such grief and loss that he had to turn away. Something filled his chest that made him want to roar and tear it out, but in the pit of his stomach he just felt empty.
He dropped to his knees at the foot of the wheelchair. He heard Storm choke down a sob and felt her wrap her arms around his shoulders. Without thinking, he let one of his hands reach up for hers. Tears leaked out the corner of his eyes and he kept his head down, trying to hide.
The Professor's smile that he sent Logan in his last seconds flashed through his mind. Logan didn't understand. He didn't want to understand. He wanted to curl into a ball and forget this had even happened.
This had to be a nightmare.
What did they do now?
-x-
Storm looked so empty standing up there giving the eulogy. Rogue felt her heart go out to the weather goddess. As much as Rogue herself cared for these two men, she knew Storm felt more.
She had lost so much in such a short span of time. Rogue knew what that was like.
Rogue twisted the lily in her free hand. The other Bobby was clutching, though she could see him reach for Kitty on his opposite side. Even where she was, Rogue could hear her friend crying softly, so she couldn't fault him for trying to comfort Kitty.
Feeling someone's gaze on her, Rogue glanced around. So many students were gathered- all in black- but her eyes were immediately drawn to him. He stood a distance off, partially hidden by the hedges near the back. He wasn't wearing black, but his mood was just as somber. He looked angry as he frowned down at the gravesite. She wished she could go to him, hug him, do something. Even just standing next to him would be helpful, but she knew she couldn't.
Their eyes connected and she tried to let him know what she was feeling. Without a word between them, he seemed to still understand and even from this distance she saw his shoulders sag a little.
When Storm finished her speech, everyone stood up and Rogue walked forward alone. It was silent as she leaned down and placed the flower at his grave. The little candle at the base of the stone fluttered in the wind, but the flame didn't go out. She tried to take that as a sign for things to come.
-x-
After making her excuses, which no one bought but everyone understood, Kitty curled up on her bed and cried. She knew Rogue and Jubilee stayed in the kitchen to give her some time, recognizing that this was hitting her harder and she needed to be alone. She was thankful to have them as friends and her emotions overtook her even more and she had to shove her face in the pillow to quiet her sobs.
There was a knock at the door and she cursed herself for not locking it. The door opened and she forced herself to sit up and wipe her face off. She knew she looked awful, but whoever it was would have to deal with her ratty hair and red, swollen face.
It was Bobby. Of course it was Bobby.
She was starting to regret her decisions in the Danger Room. She liked Bobby, he was a nice guy, but it still rubbed her wrong that he was essentially cheating on her best friend with her. Did Bobby have no conscious at all?
Though she did appreciate his comfort during the funeral (even though Jubilee held her other hand) she just didn't feel comfortable moving in this direction with him.
He sat down on the side of her bed and she had to look away from him.
"How are you doing?" he asked, his voice gentle.
She shrugged, the edges of her mouth tugging down. "Like everyone else I suppose." Her fingers played with a piece of frayed denim, her eyes burning a hole in her bedspread.
Bobby was silent and she couldn't help but look up after a long drawn out silence. He was giving her a look, like he knew what she was really thinking.
It only irritated her slightly.
"I'm fine," she tried assuring. At this point she honestly just wanted to be alone.
He kept staring at her. She felt like squirming but her pride wouldn't allow herself to. She huffed a little and looked back down at her foot.
"It's just…," her jaw worked, "The Professor came to my house…He was the one who convinced me to come here."
He nodded, his expression filled with understanding. "Yea, me too. We are all feeling the same way, you know?"
Annoyance sparked in her chest and she felt agitated all of a sudden. "No, Bobby, we're not," she made her tone sharp, her hands curling into fists on her knees. "I mean, you have Rogue," at this, she looked pointedly at him. He had the decency to look away. "And I have…"
And despite knowing all of the friends she had- Jubilee, Rogue, Peter, even Bobby…she still had one name that came to mind first.
John.
Her heart squeezed and she pushed the awful feeling away. "You know what?" she scoffed, "I just…miss home…" A jolt hit her again and she tried to think of something else. Anything else. Something the complete opposite of him.
She thought of her home town. Chicago. Her parents. The last time she saw them was Christmas time. It felt like it had been forever since then.
"The first snow and all that…" she sighed, knowing her mind was nowhere near the weather.
Suddenly Bobby was jumping up and telling her to follow him. She raised her eyebrows and laughed.
"What are you talking about? Storm told us to stay in our rooms."
He smirked and shook his head without a care, "Don't worry- we won't get caught." He leaned down to her, "I mean, you can walk through walls, you know."
She couldn't help but chuckle at that. He seemed sincere, like he actually wanted to help her feel better. She bit her lip and considered her options. She could sit here and mope or…
When he reached his hand out to her, she only hesitated a little before reaching back.
What could it hurt?
-x-
"I'm sure it's not what we're thinking…"
Jubilee cringed as Bobby leaned into Kitty. From her and Rogue's vantage point, it looked exactly like what they were thinking. She turned to her friend who merely stared down at her best friend and boyfriend. Her expression was blank, but Jubilee knew her well enough to know her mind was reeling.
Despite her friends lack of deeper feelings for Bobby, Jubilee knew this would still bother Rogue a little.
"Girl, I'm…" she was going to say she was sorry, but Rogue shook her head, cutting her off.
"No, it's alright."
Jubilee doubted that. "Are you sure?" she checked.
Rogue nodded. "Yea," her voice was airy and light- trying to sound okay.
Jubilee studied for a moment before looking back down where Kitty and Bobby were separated and leaving the fountain. Kitty seemed to be pointing her body away from Bobby as she took her skates off. Her body language was distant and uncomfortable. Jubilee knew her friend was regretting going down there, but also knew she was grieving. People did stupid things when they were grieving.
"Hey, Jubes," Rogue started. Jubilee turned to her.
"Yea? What's up?"
"Do you mind…givin' me some time alone?"
Jubilee hesitated. "Are you sure you should be alone right now?"
Rogue gave her a smile. "Yea, of course." Jubilee still didn't look convinced and Rogue rotated to fully face her. "I'm fine, Jubilee. I just need a second, okay?"
Jubilee nodded after a moment.
"I just need some time to think," she looked back through the window where they had already left. The fountain already looked like it was melting back into liquid form. "I'll be fine. I swear."
"Alright. I trust you. Just…remember, Rogue, Kitty is still smarting over John…everything with the Professor probably didn't help." She paused, "She was probably looking for something fun to do and Bobby probably presented an opportunity…he is John's best friend, after all."
Rogue nodded. "Yea, I know. Trust me, I get it." She shot Jubilee a wry look.
Jubilee chuckled, "Yea, I guess you do." She paused for a moment and then turned a serious look at Rogue. "You know I'm here if you need me, right?" Her voice was soft but solemn and Rogue smiled at her.
"Yea, I do."
"Good," Jubilee grinned. And then she leaned over and gave Rogue a quick hug before walking out the door.
She trusted Rogue. If she said she'd be alright, Jubilee would believe her. Hopefully Kitty would be alright too.
-x-
Kitty was not alright. Her head was in a whirl and she couldn't believe what she had just done. How could she have kissed Bobby? What was wrong with her?
He was still Rogue's boyfriend, no matter what else was going on. It didn't give her the right to kiss her best friend's boyfriend. It didn't matter that she was still in pain. It didn't matter that he was…his best friend. It didn't matter that she knew Rogue wasn't all that into the relationship.
If nothing else, Kitty had her honor. And now she didn't even have that.
As soon as Bobby's lips had touched hers, she knew she had made a mistake and had quickly pulled away. He was swift to apologize but she couldn't utter a word. They had left the fountain with no words between them and she knew she was to blame.
What was wrong with her? Was she so ready to hurt John that she was willing to throw everything else away?
She stopped short in the middle of the hallway she had been walking down.
Oh crap.
That was the first time she had said his name…or thought it at least.
Her heart throbbed and she groaned, fisting her hands in her hair. She knew she must look crazy to whoever walked by, but she didn't care. She had been on a downward slope since Alkali Lake and she was so tired.
John had fucked everything up. He had fucked her up so much. And she hated him. God, she hated him so much.
"Screw him," she growled under her breath. "Screw him!" she threw her arms down and strode down the hallway with purpose now.
There was an ice cream carton in the kitchen with her name on it and a trashy TV show waiting for her in the rec room.
She was done with grieving over that idiot. She had better things to do with her life. Like stuffing her face and forgetting he ever existed. Jubilee was right. She needed to start living like a normal teenager.
-x-
Rogue had sat on her bed for about ten minutes before getting up and stuffing some clothes in a bag. It was a process she remembered, except this time her parents weren't staring from the doorway with angry, frightened faces. And she didn't have the cruel words from a disguised Mystique ringing in her ear. At least this time it was her choice.
She was going to get the cure.
She had been thinking about it for awhile now and seeing Bobby and Kitty down below…it didn't hurt because of Bobby being her boyfriend, she knew that. But seeing two people be that intimate, knowing she couldn't do that. That her boyfriend had to go to other people to feel touch while she was left behind, covered head to toe like a pariah.
She was tired of it. Despite the friends around her, she felt so alone sometimes. Her power separated her from even her own kind and she couldn't stand it. She needed to do something about it. Her power did nothing but hurt her and others.
It was time for it to go away.
She was just too tired.
And that's why she found herself walking towards the front door, her money for a bus ticket burning in her pocket. She had stuffed the boys' voices to the back of her mind. She didn't want to hear their opinions. She didn't want them to talk her out of it.
And that's why it shouldn't have surprised her when, mere steps from the exit, his voice- his real voice- stopped her.
"You runnin'?"
She spun on her heel slowly, suddenly afraid to meet his gaze when she knew she had no reason to be. She was sure of her decision. And besides, this was Logan. He'd never judge her.
But still…
She knew he had the power to know what she was feeling. Which was ironic, since she was the one who had his conscious in her head.
"Need a lift?" he asked, his eyebrow rising on his forehead as he took in her bag. His eyes snapped up to hers and she couldn't look away. And she couldn't lie to him.
"You don't know what it's like to be afraid of your powers. Be afraid to get close to anybody-" she blurted out, immediately knowing how dumb that was to say, especially to him.
And he did too, but he still replied, "Yea, I do."
She bit her lip, feeling her neck flush. "I wanna be able to touch people, Logan. A hug, a handshake..." her voice trembled but she fought to maintain eye contact with him, "A kiss…"
She knew she didn't imagine him glancing down at her mouth. Her heart stuttered in her chest and she was almost caught off guard when he changed the subject, looking a little flustered himself.
"I hope you're not doing this for some boy," he frowned.
She looked away for a moment before lifting her chin. He stepped closer to her and she had to bite her tongue when his scent reached her nose.
Maybe she was doing this for some boy.
She shook her head and focused back on him.
"Look," he started, his head leaning down to look her in the eye, "If you wanna go, then go. But just be sure it's what you want." His brows were furrowed and she knew he needed to make sure that she was sure.
His affection, his support, floored her and she had to look away again to get herself together.
"Shouldn't you be telling me to stay? To go upstairs and unpack?" She bit her lip as she glanced up at him through her lashes.
She hadn't seen his expression this open since the day he gave her his tags, since he gave her a part of himself that wasn't just mental and unwilling. Her heart began to thump wildly.
He shook his head down at her, smiling, his eyes roaming over in a way that left her a little breathless and hinted at more than what his next statement claimed. "I'm not your father. I'm your friend."
And despite her feelings, her true ones, and despite what she believed to be his, that statement still had her biting back a grin.
After one more glance to her mouth, he began to turn away. "Just think about what I said, Rogue."
And it was pure instinct when she grinned up at him sweetly, batting her eyelashes, and reminded him, "Marie."
From the look on his face when he looked back, she knew he hadn't forgotten. "Marie," he nodded, a smile brightening his usually rough countenance. He turned around and left her to make her decision. And as she watched his back moving farther and farther away from her, all she could think was:
'God, I love that man.'
She let out a sigh and bit her lip again. Reality smacked her in the face as the weight of her bag reminded her of the crossroad at which she was standing.
What was she doing?
She wanted the cure, but only because she wanted to have the ability to touch. She needed control, something she hadn't had since she left home when she was 17.
Would the cure offer that to her? Of course.
Her hand reached for the doorknob but hesitated as her fingers grazed it.
But was there another way?
The Professor had told her about finding a way to control her mutation, that she could master it somehow. It would take work, especially since he was gone, but wasn't she already working on it? With the many voices in her head, she was already figuring out how to manage it- mentally at least.
Could she figure out how to control her ability to touch?
She bit her lip and freed the boys' voices from the mini timeout she had them in. Immediately Logan was asking her if she was alright and Erik sent vague waves of concern her way. The other were not as loud and for the first time she felt like she could manage it.
She felt like she could do it.
Suddenly she felt like she was taking the easy way out and it made her gut churn. She had more to offer, she had more to discover. Taking this cure would erase any chance she had to understanding herself.
Because that's what this mutation was. It was a part of herself, whether she liked it or not. And she would find a way to deal with it. She was strong enough, this she knew.
And with that thought, she dropped her hand from the handle and turned on her heel. Every step away from the door felt like the right decision and she didn't have any doubts.
She would figure it out.
And besides, she wasn't alone. It was time she realized that.
-x-
SO SORRY ABOUT THE LONG ASS WAIT AGAIN but this chapter came out of nowhere tbh and I'm amazed I actually had time to write it. Hope ya'll enjoyed it :)
