Chapter 5:

John couldn't help but feel a swell of pride as he stood above the rest of the crowd. This was so much different than Xavier's. Here, he was actually somebody. He had a place. He wasn't just another child for the cause. He was the right hand man. He was somebody important.

And striding next to Magneto, he felt it- he felt that power, that importance. People moved out of the way, people listened to him. He wasn't just some kid.

He was important.

Tuning back into the conversation at hand, he couldn't help but agree with Callisto. He may not trust these new mutants (or any of them, to be perfectly honest.)but he trusted their dislike of the other side. The "enemy of my enemy" type of deal.

Even if she wasn't Dr. Grey, even if she was just the Phoenix, she was still one of them.

"So were you once," Magneto responded to his out loud comment.

This angered him. Of course he remembered. He remembered every fucking day- he didn't need to be reminded of it. It was a mistake, a bad time in his life. John tried to keep his cool on the outside, but he could feel his blood boiling and it's what caused him to lash out.

"I've stuck with you all the way," he's on the defensive but he refused to acknowledge it. "I would have killed the Professor if you had given me the chance." It was a bold thing to say and he wasn't entirely sure if he meant it, but there it was. He didn't need to prove himself, but he fucking would. He had too. This was where he belonged, this was what's right.

But a hand stopped him in his tracks.

Magneto's gaze was heavy and it pinned him where he stood.

"Charles Xavier did more for mutants than you'll ever know. My single greatest regret is that he had to die for our dream to live."

And as Magneto walked away from him, John wanted to forget the suppressed sentiment he saw in the older man's gaze. Magneto was the man he held up as an example for himself. He was the man who, not even a couple of days ago, brutally sent away the one woman who'd been by him all these years- just because, by saving him, she lost her mutation. He was the man who'd almost killed Rogue and then joked about it after. He'd watched his best friend die and was now walking around, using it as reason to rally the troops. Magneto was a cold man.

But by seeing the sentiment and sorrow in Magneto's eyes, it forced John to remember his own regrets and that's the actual opposite of what he wanted to do. He wanted to move forward. He wanted to forget what he left behind and keep going.

He wanted to burn his past to ashes and not let it catch up with him. He'd been running from it for years, he refused to let it continue to haunt him.

It's funny though, he thought as he walked to his small tent on the off skirts of camp. Despite his wish to forget where he came from, he had to ignore how much his thoughts drifted to his…friends.

Something always reminded him of his time at Xavier's. He supposed that since it was his only real home, it was only natural to remember it so much. It didn't stop him from being bitter about it.

Reaching his crappy abode, he pushed the flap back to crawl inside. It was small, but it'd do. He wasn't here to vacation, after all. He's here to work.

He flopped down, ignoring the stick beneath the tarp that dug into his back. Folding his arms behind his head, he stared at the ceiling. There's a hole a few centimeters from the middle and he idly hoped it doesn't rain tonight. Though seeing how muggy everything was, he wouldn't be surprised if it did.

And with his luck so far, it'd definitely rain.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out his Zippo. The shark design was starting to wear off and he honestly didn't need this lighter anymore, not with his cool new weapon, but he supposed he had some sentiment as well.

He clicked it open and watched the flame.

It just happened to be for his lighter.

Not anything else.

'John, you are such a prick.'

He snapped it shut, killing the flame.

Nothing else.

-x-

Logan hadn't seen Rogue at all this morning and he supposed that was his answer.

She went to get the cure.

He wasn't lying when he told her he'd support her. He'd always be there for her, no matter what she chose.

He just hoped it was what she wanted.

The morning was a somber one though, and his mood fit the rest of the house as he stood at the window. Normally, he'd be gone by this point, already stolen One-Eye's bike and leaving tire tracks in his wake, but…

That wasn't an option anymore. Not right now, at least. He was still needed here, it felt like. At least for the moment.

"So what now?"

Logan couldn't help the irritation that spiked through him at the icicle's voice. A small part of him (who was he kidding- a large fucking part of him) blamed the kid for making Rogue feel bad about her mutation. He could smell Kitty on the kid, had seen the ice pop sniffing around the girl when Rogue wasn't looking (or was- Rogue wasn't stupid) and knew what was, or had been, happening.

He could also see the heavy cloud of guilt and misery that still shrouded the girl as she sat across the room from him on the couch. She'd been like that since Alkali Lake, the bags under her eyes a testament to her mental health. Logan understood what she was going through- losing someone important to you. He didn't like the route she was taking to deal with it, but he understood.

But by the look in her eye and her body language towards the icicle, Logan knew she'd finally given up one bad idea. He could smell the discomfort rolling off her in waves and her arms and legs were crossed away from Bobby's direction. She clearly didn't like being in the same room with him, even though the kid didn't even seem to realize it.

It made him wonder if it'd been what triggered Rogue to make her decision- if she had seen the 'bad mistake' that led to Kitty looking and feeling like this.

Fuck, this felt like a damn soap opera. He was too old for all this fucking drama. He wished he had a cigar, but he knew Storm would kill him if he smoked in the house right now.

Oh shit, he hadn't been paying attention. Icicle was getting all fired up and by the looks of everyone else, it seemed to be a pretty important conversation.

"I can't believe we aren't gonna fight for this school."

If Logan wasn't so unimpressed with the kid right now, he'd vocally agree, but as it stood he kind of hated him. His enthusiasm looked to be making a dent on Storm's depression though and he could see her visibly considering her options.

Icicle was right though. A lot of these kids didn't have homes. He supposed he was one of them too.

A foreign scent caught Logan's attention and he stood straighter in preparation for the person's entrance.

It was a tall, blonde man. He looked young and nervous, but kept his shoulders straight.

"I'm sorry, I know this is a bad time," he started, gaining everyone else's attention. "I was told that this was a safe place for mutants."

Logan noted the redness around the kid's eyes and knew it'd been tough for him to get here.

Fluffball dashed his hopes though when he responded that "It was, son."

The crushed look on the blonde kid's face seemed to spur Storm into action as she finally stood up, her chin up and her eyes glowing with energy again. "And it still is," she decided- announced.

The look of hope on the man's face seemed to breathe life back into the place- give it meaning. Storm began taking charge, pushing her tragedies away so she could keep the Professor's dream alive and give the students a place to be safe and happy. She started listing off instructions and everyone moved to help. Everyone wanted to do their part.

Logan turned back to the window.

He didn't really have a part. Nothing that would help, anyway.

-x-

Rogue hadn't left the gates, but she did take a long walk around mansion grounds. She had made her decision but thought a little peaceful meditation wasn't a bad idea either.

Being around nature was so calming too. It usually was, but she secretly believed that it was thanks to Logan that she had this new appreciation for it. He was a feral being (and she supposed she was now too- what, with him being in her head) and this was his habitat, his safe space.

Without realizing it, she'd found herself staying outside so late that she was able to watch the sunrise as she sat on the field.

It was nice. It was calming.

And it gave her more time to think.

She needed to get her life together. She had decided what she'd do with her mutation- she'd work at it. She'd get better at dealing with it and try to learn more about her abilities.

But she also needed to think about her social life.

She needed to talk with Jubilee and Kitty, be more honest with them- especially Kitty. They were long due for a talk. Rogue wasn't angry with her about what happened with Bobby- she got it. She was sort of in the same situation, if she were perfectly honest with herself. Using Bobby to get over the man she really wanted? It was exactly what they were both doing.

But at least Rogue's guy hadn't turned evil and joined the opposite side, forsaking his friends and his home. Kitty had it a little worse off than she did. Rogue got that. But they still needed to clear the air.

But that was the other thing.

She was using Bobby. Rogue had known this from the beginning, no matter what she convinced herself. Sure, she had been trying to feel normal, but that was pretty much the same thing. He was nothing but a stand-in, and Rogue couldn't do that to him anymore. Despite his recent shitty decisions, he still deserved better than that.

She's not ready for who she really wants to be with, but Rogue knew that she couldn't be with Bobby anymore. She had to end it. And she needed to focus on herself- she needed to learn to be independent.

So she got up and started making her way back to the house, wondering if anyone had noticed she was gone.

It was easy to find Bobby, though Rogue would admit some of it was thanks to Logan's nose. Bobby was walking towards her room- to see her or Kitty, she'd never know. When he walked in and saw no one, she was there to catch him as he was turning to walk out.

"Hey," she greeted, smirking slightly at his startled expression. He recovered quickly and smiled at her.

"Hey, you. Where've you been?"

She lifted a shoulder, "Walkin' around. Had some things to think about."

He raised his eyebrows and walked closer. "Oh yea? Like what kind of things?" He grinned and reached a hand out, only hesitating a little to brush it against her shoulder and rest on her elbow. The elbow that was covered completely in fabric and in no way dangerous to touch.

Rogue let out a sigh. "Bobby…"

He furrowed his brow at her ton and smiled uncertainly, his hand beginning to pull away. "Rogue? What's wrong?"

She grimaced. "We need to talk."

And when he frowned, she could only gesture back into her room. Hopefully this would go smoothly, but she highly doubted it.

-x-

Logan found himself walking outside after the little powwow from earlier. He needed some air. Sometimes it was too stifling to be in that place 24/7. There were just so many people. And he was so used to it just being himself most of the time. It got to be a little too much, a little too jarring.

He walked until his feet carried him to the gravesite.

The flame was still burning, despite the semi harsh winds blowing at it. The Professor's profile was carved into the marble and it looked so cold, so inhuman.

He wished the man himself were here, he could use a little advice, a little guidance. Logan felt so lost, so useless and it made his skin itch. He needed a purpose, he needed action. He couldn't just sit here when he knew there was a war brewing in the distance.

He needed something to do. He needed a sign and maybe some small part of him hoped being near the Professor, or what was left of him, would give him some insight.

But there was nothing.

'Logan…'

His breath whooshed out in a rush as he spun on his heel.

No one was there.

It sounded like-

'Logan!'

Jean? He spun around, looking for the source but it sounded like she was coming from everywhere. She kept repeating his name, asking where she was, for help and it was overwhelming. A pressure kept mounting in his brain and it forced him to his knees as pain laced through him. Flashes of a forest, of an army flashed in front of his eyes and he squeezed them shut.

She was so loud and then-… it stopped.

Slowly and cautiously, he raised his head and his gaze immediately fell on the picture of the Professor.

He could've laughed at the irony.

He guessed he had something to do now. He'd go get Jean. It was the least he could do to help contribute.

-x-

The talk with Bobby went as well as could be expected. When she tried to break things off, he got upset and started arguing with her decision. He claimed she was just using him because she really wanted someone else (Logan), so she was quick to bring up Kitty and what she saw.

Using her best friend to cheat on her wasn't something he was going to get away with, not on her watch. And even if Rogue was using him because she wanted to be with someone else, she never actually committed the physical act of cheating- he did.

In the end they agreed to be friends. She couldn't be around him for awhile, but hopefully they'd reach a point where it'd all be okay. She told him to stop messing with Kitty though. Kitty was going through enough in her life that she didn't need Bobby screwing her up even more.

Breaking up with Bobby lifted such a weight though, and Rogue couldn't help but smile giddily as she reached up and gripped her dog tags. His dog tags.

She felt so much freer in her life. It was an amazing feeling.

To follow that high, she found herself walking towards his room. She wanted to talk with him and touch base. Really, she just wanted to see him, see his face and be near him.

But as she turned the corner into his room, a grin on her face, she felt it drop almost immediately.

"You runnin' again?" The smile she forced was a weak one at best.

Logan dropped the shirt he had just pulled out of his dresser into the knapsack he had in his other hand. He was packing.

For what?

She stepped slowly into the room, unable to process what she was seeing. Why was he leaving? Was he leaving? And where was he going? She looked to him for answers.

Logan pursed his mouth into a hard line, looking regretful at what he was about to say. Rogue almost didn't want to hear it now.

"No, kid. But I have to go somewhere real quick."

Her heart twisted at the 'kid' and knew what he was trying to do. He was trying to push her away. She took another step closer.

"Go where?"

He turned away and picked up another shirt, stuffing it into his bag.

"I got a message from Jean, I know where she is."

Confusion rushed through her, "Jean? What? Logan, she's gone."

He shook his head, "No, she's not."

She couldn't believe what she was hearing, "Logan, she killed the Professor- it's not Jean!"

"You don't know that!" He turned to glare at her. "I know what I saw. I know what I heard. That wasn't her. That wasn't Jean who did it- it was the Phoenix. The Jean we know is still in there and I'm gonna bring her back."

Rogue stared up in disbelief at him as he took a deep breath before he turned to his bed. "Then why are you goin' alone? Why not bring someone with you?"

"Because it's faster that way."

She shook her head, "No, it's not. You just wanna go by yourself," she accused.

"So?" he snapped. "It's my fault she's gone. It's my fault the Professor's gone. I need to do this. I need to do something-"

"You don't need to do it by yourself!"

He spun around, leaning down to get in her face, "I don't need anyone's help." His chest heaved and his breath ruffled her hair.

Rogue shook her head in confusion. What was he doing? Why was he acting like this? Why was he yelling at her? Especially after last night's conversation…

What's wrong with him?

She tried to be rational. "Logan, if Jean really contacted you, it's probably a trap. She isn't in control of herself right now. It's not her-"

He shook his head, like she wasn't getting it, and gripped her shoulders and pushed her back the small distance against the wall. "She's still in there, Rogue! I owe it to her to help her!" His eyes were earnest and pleading for her to understand but she didn't.

"You don't owe her anythin'!" her patience snapped, getting up in his face. "Why are you so adamant on doing this? Are you in love with her or somethin'?"

It just slipped out. She didn't mean to say that. It had been a mistake.

But he reeled back like he'd been slapped. And his silence was so loud in her ears.

Why wasn't he saying anything?

Cold dread curled in her gut and when her inner Logan tried to speak, she immediately suppressed him. She couldn't handle two Logan's at the moment. She could only stare back at the real him with wide eyes, waiting for his response.

What was she even doing here? What did she even think would happen? That somehow, maybe, her feelings…her feelings would be returned?

She was just deluding herself, wasn't she? Every second he still didn't say anything told her that she was. His eyes darted away from her and towards the window. His hands slipped from her shoulders and, despite her layers, she felt so cold.

"I," she started, and his gaze immediately went to her, "I guess the real reason you came back wasn't for your tags, was it?"

His brow furrowed and he opened his mouth to argue- or agree, she didn't know, didn't want to know. She swiftly reached up and tore the tags away from her neck. She knew she was being overdramatic and irrational and probably not thinking clearly at all, but her heart was pounding so loud and her head was swimming and all she could think was 'he's in love with her. With her. Not me.'

He watched as she shoved his tags, rather harshly, into his hands. He still didn't say anything and she pushed her tears down. Why wouldn't he say anything? Tell her she's wrong or being dumb? Anything?

"Here- now you don't need an excuse."

He stared down at the tags dangling from his fingers. His mouth was open but he didn't make any effort to say anything. Clenching his jaw and hand, he went back to the bed, grabbing his bag. As he turned to leave, his eyes caught her and, at their intensity, her breath left her.

And then he was gone.

She could hear his footsteps stomping down the hall and everything in her was screaming for her to go after him- to apologize or even yell some more or even punch him, something that would keep him here or get him to just say something, anything.

But she didn't move. Her heart was racing and she felt her eyes sting but she blinked it back. She blocked everything out, everything and everyone in her head, so she didn't hear them trying to cheer her up or tell her what to do. She didn't want to hear it. The only person she wanted to hear from was probably at his bike by now, speeding far away from here.

She crumpled to the ground, her back sliding against the wall. She stared at the wall across from her, her eyes not seeing anything.

He really left.

He was in love with her.

She couldn't believe it. How did it get to this point? Everything had been so great not even two minutes ago. She had been so happy and now…

Pulling her knees to her chest, she rested her arms across them, resting her chin. Her hair fell across her forehead and the white streak caught her eye. She shoved her face into her crossed arms and tried not to make a sound as a lump rose in her throat.

She just couldn't believe it.

-x-

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT I ACTUALLY UPDATED WITH PRETTY GOOD TIMING? I'M AMAZED TBH but haha my bad on how angsty it ended. Trust me, it'll be good. I wouldn't do ya'll like that ;) Hope ya'll enjoyed :)