Disclaimer: I do not own either Bluey or Mulan,only how the story goes. Bluey belongs to Ludo Studio and Mulan belongs to Disney. The only thing that I do own are the OC's of the story. I do apologize for any errors in grammar and/or if I was not accurate in reference to something.
A/N: I kept imagining this in my head, and it seemed really funny to me. But then again, with what these guys have been through on the show lately, it doesn't really surprise me. I'm laughing right now.
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TheWriterForGod42: And this time in the studio I have not one, not even two, but six special guest stars with me here.
Stripe, Pat, Rad, Yao, Ling and Chien Po all walk into the room and waved to the readers. Pat was rubbing his snout.
Pat: Man, I can't believe that you hit me really hard, Stripe.
Stripe with a shrug: I was trying to make it look fake, but you were standing a bit too close there.
Ling: (Groan) Even now, I can still feel those fists knocking me for a loop.
Yao: Hey, I did say I was sorry.
Chien Po: At least none of us weren't hurt that badly.
Rad: (Nods) Yeah, it could have been a whole lot worse.
All seven of us: Enjoy the chapter, everyone!
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Chapter Six: First Day Being a Guy
Just outside the army's camp, Chili had stopped as she tried to think of how she was going to pull this off. King was laying against a rock looking bored as he watched Chili try to convince him that she was a male dog. The horse had a piece of grass in his mouth and a bored expression as he waited for Chili to start. Chili took a deep breath and said, "Okay, okay, how about like this?"
King watched as Chili coughed and tried to get into character. She pretended to walk with swagger before trying to sound like a male dog as she adopted a deep voice, "Excuse me. Where do I sign up." Placing her hands on her hips she made it seem like the person and her had something in coming, "Ah! I see you have a sword." She patted hers on her side and said, "I have one, too.
"They're very manly and tough." Chili said while trying to pull the blade out of the scabbard. But she ended up fumbling with it and it fell to the ground. The sight seemed really hilarious to King as he fell onto his back and laughed through neighs. This earned a small rock to the horse's head as a crossed Chili walked up to him and defended herself, "I'm working on it, okay."
But she sighed as she felt like it was a lot harder than she thought. She walked over to where she could see the camp and asked herself, "Oh, but who am I fooling here?" The camp sat on the other side of a river with a large white wall surrounding it. Shaking her head, Chili knew that it was going to take more than an act, "It's going to take a miracle to get me into the army."
"Did I hear someone ask for a miracle?!" A voice echoed from behind, startling both her and King. She looked back to see a towering silhouette of Mushu on a large rock. Mushu then said, "Let me hear you say 'Aaah'!"
"Aaah!" Chili screamed and she and King took cover behind another rock. Mushu shrugged, "That's close enough."
"A ghost." Chili thought when she and King peeked out over the rock and looked to the silhouette of Mushu. The dragon then told her, "Get ready, Chili. Your serpentine salvation is at hand! For I have been sent by your ancestors…"
He stopped when Cri-Kee appeared with a small head in Mushu's likeness in his hands. Mushu kicked him away before continuing, "To guide you through your masquerade plan."
Leaning down he handed Cri-Kee a leaf and firmly said, "Come on. If you're gonna stay with us, then you're gonna work."
Cri-Kee complied by fanning the flames of the small fire. Standing back up Mushu continued, "So now heed my words!" Pointing to Chili he said, "Because if the army were to find out that you're a girl, then the penalty would be death!"
"Who are you?" Chili asked in wonder. Mushu, who had been hoping that she would ask, said, "Who am I? Who am I?" He listed all kinds of titles for himself which Chili seemed to be amazed by, "I am the guardian of lost souls. I am the powerful, the pleasurable…"
Chili watched as the silhouette disappeared and Mushu revealed his true self to her, "The indestructible Mushu."
Chili's smile dropped when she saw Mushu's real size. Mushu chuckled, "Ha, pretty hot, huh?"
His answer was being trampled by King as the horse stomped his hooves on the little red dragon. Chili came to Mushu's rescue by backing King off. Mushu laid on the ground and groaned in pain from the trampling. He coughed up a little dust when he raised himself off the ground. Chili kneeled down and helped him to his feet while asking, "Uh, my ancestors sent a little lizard to come and help me?"
"Hey, dragon, DRAGON! Not a lizard." Mushu corrected, feeling a little insulted as he crossed his arms. With a shake of his head he added, "I don't do that tongue thing."
Then he mocked the lizards by doing it followed by a scowl. Chili still wasn't sure as she said, "You're, um…"
"Intimidating? Awe-inspiring?" Mushu guessed as he climbed up a stalk of bamboo. Chili tried to think of the right word but came out with it and said, "Tiny."
Mushu's smile dropped and he deadpanned from the discouraging words. Looking to Chili he perked up again as he explained, "Of course. I'm travel size for your convenience." Jumping to the stalk on other side of the Red Heeler he said, "It I was my real size," He patted King's snout, "your cow here would be dying of fright."
King, not liking being called a cow, tried to take a bite out of the little dragon. But Mushu was able to save his hand and sternly said, "Down, Bessie."
Jumping down on Chili's shoulder he continued to tell her about himself, "And believe it or not, but my powers are beyond your mortal imagination."
"Oh, how so?" Chili asked with a quirked brow. She would regret it as Mushu jumped back over to the other stalk of bamboo and made himself all knowing as he said, "Well, for instance, my eyes can see straight through your armor."
Finding it invasive, Chili's response to that was a smack to Mushu. He cried out as he flew through the air. He landed next to Cri-Kee and the little bug helped him to his feet. Tired of the disrespect, Mushu had enough as he said, "All right, that does it!" With a shake of his head, "Dishonor! Dishonor on your whole family." Looking to Cri-Kee he said, "Make a note of this."
Cri-Kee nodded and picked up a nearby leaf and started to write when Mushu started to list, "Dishonor on you, dishonor on your cow… Dis-"
Mushu was cut off when Chili hurried over and covered his mouth from saying more, "Stop, stop. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
Mushu fought out of her grip and looked ready to fight as she admitted, "I'm just nervous about doing this. I've never done it before."
"Then you're going to have to trust me on this." Mushu said, willing to keep working with her. But as he turned away, he looked back and then he warned, "And don't you slap me no more. We clear on that much."
Chili nodded in understanding. With a nod Mushu said, "All righty then." Then with a big smile he clapped his talons together and said, "Okey-dokey. Let's this show on the road, y'all!" Looking to Cri-Kee he said, "Cri-Kee, go and get the bags." Cri-Kee saluted before hopping off. Looking to King he said, "Let's move it, Heifer."
King snorted in irritation to this, but still followed after Chili as she walked with Mushu.
When they crossed the bridge into the camp. Chili and Mushu left both King and Cri-Kee outside while they looked into the camp. Dogs of just about every breed were mulling about. Some were talking, carrying things, fixing weapons and other stuff. Mushu climbed to where he could hide behind her head and remain out of sight. Chili glanced back to the dragon and said, "I'm still not so sure about this."
"Don't worry. I've got your back." Mushu encouraged. While it did make Chili feel a little more confident, Mushu then said, "Okay, let's do this. It's time to show 'em your man walk."
"How?" Chili asked as she moved back out of sight. Mushu then instructed, "Shoulders back, chest high, feet apart, head up and strut your stuff."
Chili did as he told her and felt ridiculous as she started strutting into camp while Mushu quietly said, "Two, three. Break it down. Hup, two, three. And work it!"
The other dogs in the camp looked up from what they were doing to see Chili as she strutted along and found her walk to be a little odd. As she continued to walk, Chili calmed herself a little and walked normal again. While Mushu seemed to be a little miffed about it, he couldn't argue that walking normal did seem to make her seem more like a male dog.
She walked into a tent to seem some pretty bizarre sights. One of the boys dogs were bum shuffling across the ground, one was scratching his ear with his foot, one was using his tongue to pick his nose and another was using chopsticks to pick is toes. As they walked by, Mushu asked her, "Beautiful, isn't it?"
"They're really disgusting." Chili commented as she walked through the tent and earned a few glances here and there. She moved back as the one using chopsticks seemed to go a little crazy with the picking. Mushu then reminded, "No. They're men." Then he reminded, "And remember, you're going to have to just like them, so pay attention."
Chili shuddered at the thought of acting like that. Mushu turned her head to find a sight before them. Three male dogs stood in front of her. A Golden Retriever, a Blue Heeler and a Pink Poodle as the poodle opened up his tunic. The Poodle had his belly and chest fur shaven off to present a tattoo of a red dragon on his bare skin. He seemed proud when he said, "Look. This tattoo will protect me from harm."
The Golden Retriever and the Blue Heeler looked at it for a moment. While Chili was confused about the tattoo, the Blue Heeler looked to the Golden Retriever with a smirk who smirked right back. Then as if to test it out, the Blue Heeler socked the Poodle in the gut and he fell down with yelp. It startled Chili while the Retriever started laughing. He patted the Blue Heeler's shoulder as the dog kissed his fist and the Retriever said as he laughed, "I hope that you can get your money back."
"I don't think I can do this, Mushu." Chili nervously whispered to the dragon. Mushu carefully brought his head out and said, "It's all attitude." Then he gestured to the Blue Heeler, "Be tough, like this guy right here."
Chili looked to the Blue Heeler as the male dog snorted before spitting. Mushu hid back down to avoid being spotted. Noticing that Chili was giving him a disgusted look he questioned, "What are you lookin' at?"
"Punch him." Mushu advised. Chili gave him a questioning look and he explained, "It's how the guys say hello to each other."
Looking to her fist, a smile formed on her face at the thought of making friends. Then she punched the Blue Heeler in the back of his head and he ended up smacking into another Blue Heeler. The only difference between the two was that while the first was mostly blue, the second had a touch of red from his head to his chest and arms. The second Blue Heeler caught the first and glanced over to Chili with a grin, "Well, Stripe, it looks like you've made a new friend."
"Good." Mushu complimented seeing that it worked. Then he instructed with a grin, "Now slap him on the behind. They really like that."
Chili, trusting in Mushu, slapped Stripe on the butt. But it seemed to have a negative effect as he yelped before becoming angry. He turned to Chili with a glare and grabbed her scarf and growled, "I'm gonna hit you so hard, that it's gonna make your ancestors dizzy."
"Easy there, Stripe." The second Blue Heeler said and gently pulled Stripe back. Then the other Blue Heeler instructed, "Just relax and sing with me."
Chili became nervous when Stripe growled in irritation and started to turn red in the face. Seeing how his friend was about to blow the Blue Heeler gently stroked Stripe's fur and sang…
Rad: Hey true Blue
Is it me and you
Is it Mum and Dad
Is it a cockatoo?
Both Chili and Mushu watched in amazement as Stripe seemed to calm down as he muttered the words to the song…
Stripe: Hey true Blue
Is it me and you
Blah-blah
"Feeling any better, mate?" The Blue Heeler asked when the redness faded from Stripe's face. Taking a deep breath, Stripe looked to the other dog and nodded, "Yeah. Thanks, Rad."
With a smile, Rad let go of Stripes and the Blue Heeler looked to Chili with a glare. But Stripe let it go as he waved off, "Ah, you ain't worth my time." Chili breathed a sigh of relief and turned away as Stripe added, "Chicken boy."
"Chicken boy?!" An enraged Mushu shouted as he came out of his hiding spot, making Chili cringe. Mushu shook his fist as he challenged, "Why don't you say that again to my face, ya limp noodle!"
Chili looked back just as Stripe once again grabbed her scarf with a growl. But as he prepared to punch her, Chili was able to duck and Stripe's fist ended up colliding with the Golden Retriever's gut. The Retriever yelped from the blow and was knocked for a loop when Stripe punched him in the face twice. A few teeth were knocked out as the Golden Retriever fell to the ground with a dizzy groan. Seeing that it was his friend he punched, Stripes did offer somewhat of an apology, "Oops! Sorry, Pat."
Stripe then noticed Chili trying to crawl away. He leaned down and grabbed her leg, "Hey!"
But before he could deliver a sense of justice, Pat looked up and glared as he kicked Stripe right in the rear. It sent Stripe flying over Chili and he knocked right into Rad. But before the two Blue Heeler's could get up, Pat jumped at them and the three started fighting amongst themselves as the Golden Retriever shouted, "You're so dead!"
The three threw punches as they wrestled on the ground. Seeing that they were distracted, Chili quickly rose onto her feet before running off. She tried to find somewhere to escape and glanced back at the fight. Pat was pulling on one of Stripe's ears and looked to see Chili getting away. Pointing in the Red Heeler's direction he shouted, "Oh, there he goes!"
Stripes and Rad looked in the direction before breaking up their scuffle and running after Chili. Seeing them coming at her, Chili ducked into a tent with the three boy dogs following after her. As they ran through the tent, it turned out to be a tent to house chickens as the birds all squawked from the sight of the dogs. Stripe, Pat and Rad all came running out of the tent still chasing after Chili. Only, the Red Heeler wasn't being chased anymore as she poked her head out of the chicken tent with a grin. Both Stripe and Pat saw that they weren't chasing Chili any more but was heading straight for a buffet line to a rice cooker. Both Stripe and Pat were able to slow down and stop before they crashed into the other dogs, but Rad was wrestling with a chicken behind them. He got it off, but it was too late as he knocked into his friends and they in turn knocked into the other dogs. It set off a domino effect with a bowling pin sound as the dogs fell forward before knocking over the rice pan and the chef distributing the rice in a comical fashion.
Chili became worried as all the boys started to pick themselves up with a groan. They looked back to her with glares and slowly approached her. She slowly backed away as they came closer and tried to smooth things over, "Hey, fellas."
Over by another tent, Ar Fe glanced back to the commotion before heading inside the tent. Already seated inside were two Blue Heelers with one sitting on a slightly elevated platform. He recognized Bob Heeler as the general sat on one side of a map. Bob used a pointer to show some spots, "The Huns have struck here."
The Blue Heeler looked up to the older dog as the general told him his plan, "I plan on taking the main troops up to the Tung Shao Pass. Not only there will we hold an advantage of surprise, but we will also protect the Imperial City and possibly prevent the destruction of this village by John Blitz."
"Excellent strategy, sir." Ar Fe commended. Then he said with a bit of humor, "I do love surprises."
He chuckled from how funny it sounded to him. But he stopped when neither of the other two dogs were laughing. Bob turned to the other Blue Heeler and said, "You will stay here and train the new recruits."
The younger dog and Ar Fe were both a little surprised by this. With a confident grin, Bob then said while presenting a sword to the younger Blue Heeler, "When Ar Fe believes that you are ready, you will join up with us…" He handed the sword over to his son and added, "Captain."
"Captain?" The younger dog asked as he looked over his new sword. Ar Fe gasped at the granting of the title and said, "This is an enormous responsibility, General Bob." Then he nervously glanced over to the younger Blue Heeler and suggested, "Perhaps a soldier with a little more experience."
"Number one in his class, extensive knowledge of training techniques…" Bob listed the reasons why he chose his son. He became a little proud when he stroked the fur on his snout, "And an impressive military lineage." Looking to his son he said, "I believe that Bandit will do an excellent job here."
"Oh, I will." Bandit nodded, feeling excited to make his father proud. He then promised, "I won't let you down, sir." He felt humbled when he looked at his sword, "This is… I mean…"
Noticing that he was rambling a little, Bandit cleared his throat and steeled himself. Then with a bow of his head he said, "Yes, sir."
"Very good, then." Bob acknowledged and rose onto his feet. Collecting his own sword and helmet he turned to leave as he said, "We'll have a toast for China's victory at the Imperial City."
Ar Fe, also having risen to his feet, opened the flap to the tent to let the general out. But before he walked out, he told Bandit as the younger dog rose to his feet, "I'll be expecting a full report in three weeks."
Ar Fe nodded in agreement. But when the general left, the Bulldog looked to Bandit and promised, "And I won't leave anything out of it."
Ar Fe walked out after General Bob and Bandit started to follow. The thought of him being captain made Bandit look down at his sword, "Captain Bandit Heeler. Hmm." He attached his sword to his belt with a chuckle as he said, "Leader of China's finest troops." Then another idea popped into his head, "No, no. The greatest troops of all time."
He laughed as he walked out and expected everything to be calm and orderly. But what he saw was chaotic disarray. The new recruits were fighting amongst themselves and yelled as they did it. While some were throwing punches or wrestling with one another, Stripe was slamming ones head against the ground, Pat was slapping another with a fish and Rad was pushing a few away while trying to eat a bowl of rice. The yelling continued while a chicken or two crowed from the chaos. Ar Fe, Bob and Bandit all looked at the unfolding chaos as one of the beaten-up soldiers strode over them. Even though he was very dizzy, the soldier gave a salute before falling on his face. While Bob gave Bandit a smirk, Ar Fe was not amused as he commented, "Most impressive indeed."
General Bob stepped around the unconscious soldier and walked up to his horse. The horse whinnied as Bob climbed on and it moved a little. After turning the horse to the gates, Bob's smirk never faltered when he wished, "Good luck, Captain!"
Then with a snap of the reins, General Bob and the main Imperial Army troops rode off towards the gates. The Imperial horses sounded like a stampede as they headed for the gates. And outside the gates, the rest of the army waited until General Bob and the others had passed before running with them. As he watched him go, Bandit wished as well, "Good luck, Dad."
When the main army was gone, Ar Fe and Bandit looked back to the chaos as the new recruits continued to yell and fight amongst themselves. Seeming to enjoy the chaos for the new captain, Ar Fe had a grin when he readied his board and said, "Day one."
Knowing that he needed to put a stop to it, Bandit marched right up to the brawling recruits. While there was mostly punches being thrown, Pat was now whacking the fish against the guy caveman style, Rad slurped down the rest of his bowl and Stripe held a guy by the ear and punched him in the face. When he stood before them, Bandit shouted, "Soldiers!"
Immediately, everyone stopped fighting and looked to their commanding officer. Stripe managed to get one last punch in before they all backed up and pointed to one who wasn't fighting as they shouted, "He started it!"
Chili, who had managed to stay out of the brawl, was curled up to try and avoid it. Mushu had glanced out of his hiding spot, but ducked back down when he saw Bandit walking up to Chili. When she didn't hear the sounds of brawling, Chili looked to see a dog in Imperial looking armor standing in front of her. She quickly picked herself up and dusted herself off. Bandit placed his hands on his hips and leaned forward and said with a stern look, "I don't need anyone causing trouble in my camp."
"Sorry." Chili softly said as Ar Fe joined the captain. Catching how she was speaking, she cleared her throat and spoke with a deep voice, "Uh, I mean, sorry you had to see that." She lightly punched Bandit in the shoulder and surprised him and Ar Fe, "But you know how it is when you get those manly urges and you just gotta go kill somethin'…"
She groaned and shook her hand from the slight pain when she smacked her right one into her left palm. Then she listed all the guy things she could think of, "Fixing up things, cook in the outdoors…"
"What's your name?" Bandit questioned when he took a step closer. His question caught Chili off guard as she hadn't thought about that part. She stammered as she tried to think, "Uh… I… Uh…"
"Your commanding officer…" Ar Fe sternly reminded as he got in Chili's face, "just asked you a question, soldier."
"Uh, I've got a name." Chili nodded with a grin. She became serious when she added, "And it's a boy's name, too."
"Pat." Mushu said, trying to help, "How 'bout Pat?"
"His name is name is Pat." Chili nodded to the swaying Golden Retriever. Not in the mood for games, Bandit reminded, "I didn't ask for his name. I asked for yours!"
"Try, uh, uh…" Mushu tried to think. Then he just blurted, "Ah, Chu."
"Ah Chu." Chili repeated. Bandit, finding that one a little odd, questioned, "Ah Chu?"
"Bless you." Mushu said and started laughing, but remembered to stay quiet. He wiped his eye with his tail and said, "I just kill myself."
"Mushu." Chili whispered back to the dragon. Hearing the name Bandit asked, "Mushu?"
"No." Chili quickly said. With a shake of his head Bandit questioned, "Then what is it?"
"Jackie-Jack. He was my best friend growing up." Mushu offered with a grin. Chili, knowing that it was better than nothing, gave the name, "It's Jackie-Jack."
"Jackie-Jack?" Bandit questioned, thinking it sounded a little ridiculous. Even Mushu seemed to be turning against it when he remembered something, "Of course, Jackie did steal my g-"
Chili cut him off by wrapping her paw around his mouth while acting like she was scratching the back of her neck. Then with a nod she confirmed, "Yes, my name is Jackie-Jack."
"Let me see your conscription notice." Bandit ordered and extended his paw. Chili handed him the scroll and Bandit took it from her. He read it over and said, "Mort Redler." Looking to Chili he said, "The Mort Redler."
"I didn't know that Mort had a son." A surprised Ar Fe said. With a shrug Chili told them, "Um, he doesn't talk about me much."
She laughed a little before snorting like Stripe did earlier and tried to spit. But it ended up not working as the spit was attached to a string to her muzzle. Chili glanced over to Bandit and Ar Fe who had questioning looks. Ar Fe leaned to Bandit and commented, "I can see why. The boy is a complete lunatic."
The comment was heard by a great deal of the soldiers as the trio of Stripe, Pat and Rad and a good deal of the others laughed. Bandit handed Ar Fe the scroll and addressed the troops, "Okay, gentlemen." Looking to the Red Heeler he said, "Thanks to your new friend, Jackie-Jack, here…
"You'll be spending tonight picking up every single grain of rice." This caused all the men to groan in displeasure. They straightened up when Bandit looked to them as he said, "And starting tomorrow, the real work's gonna begin."
When the captain had their back turned, everyone looked to Chili with annoyed looks and growled. Chili winced and felt a little nervous about all the mean stares she was getting. Mushu popped out of his hiding place and commented, "You know, we're really going have to work on your people skills."
Chili gave the little red dragon a slight glare as she moved to help the rest of the recruits clean up.
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Pat: I can't believe that little bit was the part that TheWriterForGod42 was waiting for, mate.
Ling: I know. That was my most painful moments out of the movie.
Stripe: (Snickers) Because you lost your teeth?
Ling: Uh, yeah."
Yao: Aw, quit your whining. Ya both made it through.
Rad, while rubbing his head: Yeah, but unlike Chien Po, I can't exactly be expected to hold my own against a lot of guys like that.
Chien Po: But you were able to pull it off, Radley.
Rad with a shrug: Yeah, I know.
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Author's Note: I can't wait to get 'Make a Man Out of You' started. That's mostly what the next chapter is going to consist of. I look forward to reading your reviews. Be sure to leave a comment either about if I've done something wrong or if you want something specifically to happen. See you next time.
