*silently updates for the first time in months* I will leave you a nice long A/N at the end but I've wasted enough of your time. See you at the end! (Also, new text recognition. (!) is incoming texts and () is sent texts. You may commence reading.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of its characters.
Chapter Eighteen
The slight shifting of a body resting on my chest was the only thing that managed to pull my eyes away from my phone long enough to get a reaction. Just as quickly as the movement came, it ceased with a soft sigh and light snores.
Angling my head, I could just faintly make out the once again peaceful expression on Ino's face as she slept.
Reluctantly, I had allowed her to miss yet another day of class in order for her to sleep. She'd sleep at night but only for maybe an hour or so here and there. Some days, she'd manage to be okay enough to go to school. For days like today, she was fitful and clearly exhausted and I'd cave despite her half-assed protest to assure me she was fine.
Rather than staying locked up in her room all day, I managed to convince her to move out into the living room. No one came in during the day, usually, so it's not like there would be anyone to walk in on us. So this morning, I had simply pulled her from my bed, urging her to lie down on the couch. Of course, she only sat there, refusing to do so unless I was there.
So of course, with me being so helplessly wrapped around her fingers, I lie on my back, her moving between my legs to lie on top of me before fisting my shirt and shutting her eyes. Surprisingly, it didn't take her long to nod off and this small movement of hers was the first in the past two hours. She was actually resting for once and while that left me physically restrained, I was putting in some serious work on the phone.
(!) Yeah kid, no worries. Tenten and I will swing by with the work for today. How is she?
I had been texting Temari, informing her of today's repeating situation, pleading with her to get our assignments. Although she had begged me not to, I went against Ino's wishes to keep this quiet from her friends. At the very least, Temari and Ayame had a right to know, especially after that one incident a few nights back.
Just the thought of it had my grip on her waist tightening lest she slip through my fingers. Since then, and her little confession to me that night, I'd been almost more overprotective than before, if that was even possible.
I had to admit. I was afraid.
Keeping her from school wasn't best for her in the long run, and I knew that. However, with there being no current physical threats, I ultimate goal right now was to protect her from anything that could set her off mentally and emotionally. She had assured me that she wouldn't try to repeat any attempts like before and how me being around truly did help ease most of her anxiety.
But I was wary.
Had I truly been so good at easing her pain, she wouldn't have attempted in the first place. Or at least, that's what I was telling myself.
It was for that reason that I was enlisting the help of the only other people I trusted her with. Ayame and Temari. Though I was doing my best to not bother them too much, they were almost as desperate and anxious as I was. More often than not, they would offer to come over in shifts or suggest going out together, just to keep her mind of things, something I know Ino and I both appreciated.
() She's...managing. She's finally resting which is good but I haven't been able to get her eat anything in the past few hours.
I had finally managed to respond to Temari's text, my response subtly forcing a roll of my eyes. Trying to get Ino to eat the past few days had literally felt like pulling teeth. She wasn't flat out refusing to eat on purpose but every day she just seemed less and less accustomed to eating. She'd always say that her appetite wasn't very strong and that she'd eat later but unless I sat her down and forced her, she wouldn't eat.
Another incoming text from Temari.
(!) Yeah, we'll definitely swing by. I'll bring her something once we're done with class. Thanks for looking out for her kid. I know it's your job and all that shit but you've definitely been going above and beyond.
I scowled slightly at the message, a small blush fighting to crawl up my neck. There was no hiding it, not from Temari at least. She knew that there was something more there and one night when she and Ayame both came over, she pulled me outside to tell me that she was cool with it.
I'll admit, it was embarrassing as hell. As she so claimed, she knew something had happened the night of Ino's party and while we were clearly both drunk out of our minds when it happened, it was completely consensual. Temari simply played her role of big sister and assured me that although she liked me, she'd gladly beat the shit out of me herself if I fucked up. Not that I planned to. Not with Ino at least.
Moments later, my thoughts were on Rei. I thought about how easy and stress-free everything would have been if she was here from the beginning. I definitely wouldn't have fucked around with Paige, Rin would have been iffy but I'd like to think that Rei would have been more than enough reason to control my urges. But with Ino?
I had no choice but to spend so much time with her than it was almost impossible to imagine a scenario where I didn't end up catching feelings for her. Maybe it was just because I was so helplessly stuck on Ino, but even looking back to when this first started and she clearly hated my guts, I still saw it happening.
Maybe had things stayed that way, it would have at least been one-sided and it'd make it a little easier but I knew I'd fall for her all the same.
Conversation with Rei had been pretty dry the past few days and I'm sure she wasn't too happy with my behavior. She'd always ask to hang out after training on weekends but I'd always give her some bullshit excuse about how I had to stay later or they imposed an early curfew. All of that, just so I could get back to Ino and make sure she was okay
I knew it was fucked and that it wasn't fair to be stringing along either of them this way. Reika was the girlfriend. I owed her the truth and I owed her my time, especially since she had pretty much worked a deal with the devil just to be here with me.
And Ino? Sure, from the outside looking in. It was pretty easy to argue that I was giving her plenty of attention and she had no room to complain. But despite all the attention I gave her, she couldn't have what she really wanted. Which was me. By law, I couldn't date her. I already had a girlfriend with whom I'd clearly been rejecting. Ino was now to be engaged which only strained things further.
While she clearly wasn't happy about her engagement to Sasuke, she was more torn about the simple fact that she couldn't simply just ask me to break things off with Rei. It wasn't as simple as the stunt I made her pull with Kiba.
I didn't care if she broke his heart because I knew she didn't love him to begin with. For me, it was way more complicated. Rei and I had history and even now, I couldn't deny that I loved her.
The problem was that I knew, though I wouldn't admit it to Ino, that if she asked me to, I would end things with Rei just for her. It was foolish because it wouldn't help the situation at all. Rei didn't know of Ino and I's relationship and I doubted that she had reason to think that it was anything but work. If I ended it abruptly, I didn't have a good enough reason to give her.
While we'd have each other in secret, I'd never truly be able to call Ino mine and we both knew that. That was the only reason we had decided to simply stick with how things were. God, it was all so fucked up. I could never catch a break and it seemed that neither could Ino. What a perfect fucked up pair the two of us were.
Suddenly, my phone sprang to life again with another text, this time from Ayame.
(!) Hey. I just talked to Tem, how is she?
() Sleeping which is probably as okay as she's gonna be for a while.
(!) Please keep me posted, I appreciate you being there for her. What about you? You okay?
I blinked slowly, studying the message once more as I fought a frown. What kind of question was that? My confusion transferred back into my own reply to her as I sent a simple question mark in response.
(!) Well...clearly you've added more work for yourself by doing all of this for Ino. Not that we don't appreciate it but it's not something you had to do. I'm worried about Ino but it's easier knowing that she has you. But...I guess I'm just trying to figure out...who do you go to? There's clearly something going on with you too but you're too busy taking care of Ino to see that you're pretty burnt out yourself. When's the last time you slept a full night or told someone other than the own confines of your head what was bothering you?
I thought back briefly to the first time I hung out with the small group of friends I'd made amongst the other guards. That day how they'd all hung out in my room as we talked about the people we were sworn to protect. I recalled distinctly how Rin had mentioned how smart Ayame was.
While I wasn't sure of her academic prowess, I had to admit, she was highly observant and intuitive. She seemed to notice everything, even the little things that I had seemingly missed. And as much as I'd hate to admit it, she was right.
I mean, I didn't think my problems were big enough to really involve anyone else. My primary concern was to take care of Ino, that's all that mattered. If she was happy, then I'd be just fine.
Contemplating my response, I slowly began a message of my own.
() My problems aren't that important. Just some small stuff that's been going through my head. Looking out for Ino is my job but that's not just the physical. She has me to go to and knowing that I help pretty much pushes all of my problems to the back burner. I try to sleep when she does but light enough so that I'm there if she needs me. Everyone has their own problems to worry about, why should I add mine to their mix?
Of course, her witty reply came just a moment later.
(!) Well by your logic, shouldn't that be the case with Ino? I won't make you answer that because I know immediately that you'd say it's different. But really, it's all the same. Don't assume you're a burden to the people around you, we're here to help too. What I'm simply offering, is an unbiased opinion should you want to talk. Temari told me she's stopping by for a bit after class to bring Ino something to eat. Chances are you haven't eaten either so I'll stop by and bring you something as well. After that, I'll leave Ino to Temari and you and I can talk about what's eating you. Sound good?
() Fine…
(!) Haha, don't sound so excited. I promise it won't be so bad. I'll see you soon. Give my girl a kiss for me! ;)
Almost immediately, I was rolling my eyes.
I had to admit, the offer didn't seem so bad. Ayame was one of the first that I had met who hadn't given me a hard time. Initially, I was skeptical. She could've just been looking for a moment to get me to slip up and expose me for something but I knew now that she wasn't anything like that. Her loyalty to Ino was rivaled even my own. From that one little kiss we shared that night, I wasn't quite sure where things would go but our relationship seemed to not cross any major threshold.
She simply liked to tease me but was more grateful for my loyalty to Ino. I trusted her and she, in turn, trusted me which was saying a lot.
Another shift on top of me forced my mind back as my hand squeezed Ino's waist. She was moving a little more now which wasn't necessarily a good thing. I had hoped that she'd actually sleep in some more but it seemed that I'd be disappointed. Instead, she slowly sat up, resting on my hips as she rubbed at her eyes.
"Stop," I whispered, tugging her hands away from her face.
"My eyes hurt," she whined softly in return.
I waited, watching as she finally peeled her eyes open to watch me. Indeed they were a lighter shade of red, indicating some sort of irritation. "You're just tired," I mumbled back finally, "You need to sleep for longer than two hours if you expect to feel well rested anytime soon." She frowned back, eyes slowly slipping down as her hand reached for mine.
In that familiarly tired voice, she asked, "Who were you texting?"
"Does it matter," I answered dryly, watching as she moved my hand to rest on her cheek.
"Yes."
"Why? Jealous," I asked, a very dry attempt at a joke as I watched her eyes slip shut as she melted into my hand, her breathing soft as I lightly caressed her skin.
"Yes," she answered simply, no hint of playfulness in her voice. It was simply admission, one that had caught me off guard. With a sigh, unable to deny the small leap in my chest at her confession, I truthfully answered back, "Just Temari and Ayame. Temari is coming by after class to bring us the work we missed today, along with food because you need to eat. Ayame said she'll be over a little later as well to check in on you."
Her eyes finally reopened but instead looked off to the TV that was humming quietly instead of at me, "I'm fine with you here. I don't need them to baby me." Rolling my eyes, I corrected, "They're your best friends Ino. They're not trying to baby you. Just because I tell them you're fine doesn't mean shit honestly. They worry just like I do, they just want to make sure you're alright."
She was silent again and I didn't know what to make of it. She just seemed so out of it that I wasn't sure if it was intentional or if she was simply trying to appear that way to hide something. Her hands found my own once more, this time guiding them to her waist as she slid her own hand to my neck, scratching lightly.
Everything about her just looked so drained and empty. It hurt to see her so worn out like this. "Hey," I breathed out tiredly, moving a hand to pull her down. Brushing my lips against hers, I loved the way clung to me, deepening the kiss on her own terms until she was ready to pull away. "Ayame asked me to give that to you," I admitted, sitting up slightly.
To my surprise, the smallest trace of a smile crept onto her lips as she laughed softly, "She could've just given me one herself."
Now that was interesting. She seemed to notice her little slip-up but before she could scurry off, I grabbed her wrist, my arched brow a clear indicator of my curiosity.
"What?"
"Is there something I need to know," I asked, full-blown curiosity peeking. Biting her lip, she shook her head, "No."
"Ino...come on I'm curious," I almost pleaded. It had always been on the back of my mind after our first time together. I had almost been completely certain that Ino was head over heels for Kiba back then. Once I started getting closer to Ino, I figured that our relationship simply transcended the realm of dependency. That's all.
But reflecting on the night of her party, there was something entirely too familiar about it. Nothing about Ino that night screamed inexperienced. Meaning. I wasn't her first.
"Does it matter," she mocked me, distancing herself just to the opposite end of the couch as she collapsed onto her back.
She was clearly evading the question but I wasn't going to let something this good just fall by the wayside. I wanted answers and I had enough control over Ino to get them. Taking my newfound freedom, I crawled over top of her, watching as her eyes flickered with that suggestive spark along with a bit of nervousness.
Now wasn't the time for her to be shy.
Slipping my hand under her shirt, I allowed my fingers to dance over her smooth skin. "You gonna make me beg," I teased, my thumb teasing the hem of her bra. Smile pulling carefully, she laughed, "It would be a nice change of pace. I'm tired of begging all the t-" Making haste of my work, I forced my hand underneath the offending material, reveling in the curt gasp that ghosted past her lips. "You were saying," I whispered in her ear, her hands instinctively moving to wrap around my neck.
"You're being awfully persis...tent. Are you jealous," she asked, her speech skipping part way as a result of my teasing hands.
"No," I answered truthfully, "I'm curious. Come on Ino, we've done enough behind closed doors that this shouldn't be a nervous topic. You were far from shy the first night and your little comment leads me to believe that there's a reason."
Silence followed, her brow furrowed as she pushed me off of her. "God you're annoying," she breathed out, raking her fingers through her hair. Staring me down, shifting nervously she nodded, "Fine. I'll tell you but only under one condition."
"Which is?" I asked, leaning back against the opposite end of the couch.
Drawing in a breath, she mumbled something I couldn't quite hear. Before I could ask her to repeat herself, she replied coolly, "I can ask you any question, anything at all and you have to answer truthfully. No half-assed answers. Deal?" Despite everything in my body telling me not to agree to her terms, I did so anyway with a nod, my curiosity far out shadowing any rational thought.
Nodding in turn, she dragged her hand across her neck, a tired groan following suit.
"Okay," she began nervously, "My dad was extremely strict, even more so than he is now. Meaning, that I wasn't allowed to hang out with any boys my age growing up. Needless to say, I was only allowed to hang out with Ayame and Temari growing up. Ayame hung out more because she simply lived closer. We were best friends and we literally grew up together."
I nodded, urging her to continue as I ignored the vibrating of my phone beside me.
"Well, it was my sixteenth birthday. There was a huge party or whatever and at the end of the night, I asked my father if Ayame could stay the night since he had a business trip the next morning. He agreed and she hung out. I didn't know that she had apparently smuggled some of her dad's liquor so we just kind of took some shots and joked about nonsense. It was the first time I ever drank before so needless to say, it hit hard," Ino admitted with a small flush of her cheeks.
We hadn't even gotten to the real information and she was already so anxious. Her eyes met mine for a moment before they darted away frantically, feigning interest in the TV once more.
"We were just laying there...talking. I mentioned how I hadn't even kissed a boy, let alone hung out with one. She laughed, saying that they weren't all that great but she said she'd offer to help me, practice. So, she just kind of kissed me, showing me what to do and how to take control," her voice trailed off and her blush was in full force now.
"It was just that one night but afterward, I couldn't stop thinking about it. So she visited again and we'd practice again. She stayed over again one night, she snuck more liquor over and we practiced again. I don't know what happened but I just...I got really into it. So...she went a little further and I didn't stop her. Funny thing is, nothing was awkward after that. We both woke up the next morning and just kind of laughed it off," she continued with a reminiscent sigh.
"And?"
"And...it continued on for a while. At some point, my dad started introducing me to a few of the princes, if you could call them that. Things with me and Ayame just kind of died down but we were still really close. Nothing had happened between us like that in years," she finished, finally returning her eyes to me.
I found her story, interesting for a lack of a better term.
In a way, it made sense. Ayame was definitely more of a dominant and flirty personality so I could easily see in slipping into their own friendship. Of course, she taught Ino everything knows but I had a feeling that Ino had a little wild side of her own that prompted her to act as viciously as she did during our first time.
It all made sense now, in a funny kind of way.
"Can we please stop talking about it now," Ino pleaded, crawling back over to sit in my lap once more, "Can I ask my question now?"
Reluctantly, I nodded. I watched her face twist painfully as if she were battling with whether or not to ask her question. With a sharp intake of breath, she whispered just high enough for me to make out her words, "If...If I asked you to choose me over Rei...do you think you could?"
The question hit me so hard that for a moment, I wasn't even sure I had heard it in the first place. And yet, the way she avoided my eyes was a clear indication. She had put me on the spot and I had agreed to the terms of a question that I was in no clear position to answer. I could only sit there, stomach churning at the thought of having to choose, hoping that Ino would spare me her mercy.
"Ino…"
"It won't change anything," she whispered nervously, "I...just wanted to know." I could feel my heart thudding erratically at the thought. Was that even a decision I was capable of? Could I really choose one over the other?"
On one hand, there was Reika. Technically speaking, still my girlfriend. She had been with me through the highs and lows of going through the academy. She was my first everything. However, once I told her I accepted the offer, she had practically vanished. Each time I'd tried to talk about it with her, she'd brush me off or would avoid me altogether. After some point, I just said fuck it and I left without saying a word.
On the other hand, obviously, there was Ino. Initially, she had been a spoiled rotten good for nothing brat. She was ill-tempered, arrogant and had easily been my least favorite person. After that first nightmare, she'd pretty much dropped the whole act. She was quiet and reserved but began opening up to me more and more. She craved my attention and I hers. And a few nights back, she even went as far as confessing her true feelings that I returned but never voiced back.
They were so different and yet, so alike in so many ways. But then again, there had been something eating away at me for a while. Something that made me restless and fearful.
That something was a cruel realization that I had already picked between the two of them before and each time, my answer had been the same.
And it would always be the same.
So as Ino shifted out of my lap, assuring me that she didn't need an answer, I called out to her. As she paused, I tore my gaze away and simply muttered the answer I had known long before. That night that she had scared me more than I ever thought possible, that same night, I had promised her that I would never leave. And more importantly, I promised myself that I'd give her whatever she wanted.
Carefully, I finally admitted, "Yeah Ino...I would."
"You guys are so annoying, honestly," came Ino's apathetic response as Ayame engulfed her into a tight hug.
I awkwardly stood to the side, giving a nod of greeting as Temari, Rin and Tenten slowly trickled in. Sitting a few large bags on the table, Temari rolled her eyes and tugged Ayame away, "Stop trying to be a little brat and we wouldn't have to come over here and bug you so much."
"Sakura is taking care of me."
"Oh, I'm sure she is," was Temari's amused response, earning a blush from Ino and a rather annoyed look from me.
Waving off my death glare Temari fixed Ino with a stern look, "You. Sit. Eat. Now." With an overly dramatic huff, Ino sat down at the kitchen table as Temari slid a small container of food in front of her. "I got you one of those overly complicated burrito bowls from that one place you never stop talking about so I better see you finish all of it," Temari warned, sitting across from her as she spread the rest of the food out amongst the table. It seemed that they had gone to quite a few places and I couldn't help but scowl at Ayame who flashed me a wink and shoved a small bag into my hands. Of course, she just had to go out of the way to get me something else.
I moved to sit with Tenten and Rin in the living room but a familiar grip on my hand pulled me to the balcony instead, "Ah ah ah, we already discussed the plans for tonight."
With a groan, I allowed myself to be dragged outside, a hand forcing me down into one of the chairs. Ayame didn't seem the least bit phased by my attitude, setting down her own bag of food as she brought the straw resting in her milkshake between her lips. "Alright," she finally began, "Let's talk. Tell me what's on Sakura Haruno's mind."
I choose to dig through my bag of food, pulling out the container of fries as I nibbled on one quietly. A laugh danced from her throat as she answered, "You know, the longer you drag this out, the longer we have to stay. I'm not leaving until you start telling me something. So I'll ask again. What's going on?"
With a sigh, I decided to flip the conversation as I admitted, "Well, I managed to find out from Ino earlier today, where she learned those bedroom tactics."
I had thought that I would throw her for a loop. That she'd be embarrassed and she'd brush it off. Instead, her lips smirked around her straw as her eyes glistened over with a mischievous tint. "Impressed?" Came her smooth reply. Of course, she was near impossible to disrupt. She was almost gifted it seemed in the art of manipulation.
My frown seemed to amuse her all the same as she laughed softly, "Don't let her fool you, she showed me a thing or two as well. I'll admit though, I hadn't expected you to be her first choice after me. I was almost certain that she'd be fucking around with Sasuke by now, hell, even Kiba."
"You almost sound jealous," I sneered, taking another fry to chew on.
"Can you blame me," she chuckled, "You were the one that got away after all. I thought what we did was just for fun. I was sure I'd be able to make my way into your bed one lonely night. Little did I know, I trained Ino to steal you right from under my nose." Her tone was teasing and yet her words seemed far too genuine.
I could only blink, studying her cool gaze to look for anything that might give her away.
Seeming to catch on, she smiled back, "I'm not as deviant as I might seem, Sakura. I'm not hopping in anyone and everyone's bed and if anything, I'm really glad that Ino has you. However, we're not here to talk about Ino and we're definitely not here to talk about me. What else happened?"
I caught the swift change in her tone, her confident smile trading for a look of sheer concentration. She was serious, she wanted to know what was going on. Sighing, knowing that I was officially trapped, I mumbled, "I'm fucking stuck. I can't concentrate on anything that doesn't involve Ino. I try to compartmentalize but we've done so much I feel like I'm practically entitled to make her problems my problem. I've got a girlfriend that I'm most certainly neglecting because I'm so stuck on someone that I know I can't have. To make things worse...I told Ino that if I had to choose between them, I'd pick her."
There was no judgment in her eyes. No pity, no loathing. No sly smirk tugged at her lips. Her face was a blank canvas, just waiting for the right expression to decorate it.
Setting down her drink, she sighed, leaning back in her chair as she slipped her fingers through her hair. Casting her eyes out to the steadily setting sun in the distance, she frowned, deeply. Parting her lips, she carefully asked, "From the moment you've taken this job, think back. Everything from that first moment they told you won, until this exact moment. Do you regret anything?"
I thought for a moment, recalling every little thing that somehow seemed so determine my life up until now. After mulling it over for a little bit, I answered, "No, I don't think so."
Still averting her gaze, she nodded, "That's good. That means that every decision you've made up until now, you made using your best judgment. That also means the decision that you're struggling with the most was meant for something. To teach you a lesson."
"To teach me that I need to avoid women altogether because they seem to be the root of my problem?"
She smiled again, finally turning back to face me, "That's one lesson, although there'd be many ladies left with a broken heart as a result. However, that's not the lesson. You'll have to figure that out on your own. Moving on, let's address Ino."
Countering smartly, I asked, "I thought you said this wasn't about Ino?"
Shaking her head, she resumed her milkshake, "It's not. Ino is simply the root of your problems, this is still about you. Why is she the center of her focus? What made you fall for her?" I arched a brow at her question, curious as to where she found all of this information but simply attributed it to the fact that she was in fact, too smart for her own good.
"I used to hate her. Utterly. I believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt but she made things so difficult. That one girl tripped her after class and later that night she had the nightmare so-"
"Pause right there. Now, twice in one day, you attempted to comfort her. Why?" Ayame quickly interrupted, eyes glowing as the sun faded completely. "Because...she was upset," I answered simply, unsure of the point of her question.
"You said you hated her. Why try to comfort someone whom you clearly hated and they, in turn, hated you. Why bother? Wouldn't it be more satisfying to simply let karma do the work and watch them suffer?"
Eyeing my food, suddenly losing my appetite, I sighed, "I hated her but that was still my job to protect her. Plus, no matter how awful a person is, doesn't mean they deserve to be treated like crap." A knowing hum vibrated between us before she answered again, "Protecting someone and comforting them isn't the same thing so to speak."
"A thesaurus would likely argue your statement."
"I suppose it's a good thing they can't talk then," she said with a genuine laugh, earning a small unexpected chuckle from me as well. "But seriously. It's your job to protect her, that simply means that you have to be ready to fight for her with your life. It's not your job to make sure she eats, to make sure she's getting enough rest, to make sure she's happy."
"I…"
"You say that you can't stop thinking about anything that doesn't concern her. You're overwhelmed with trying to make sure she's taken care of in every sense of the word. You're stressed but you're going out of your way and purposely doing these things. Why do you think that is?" She asked, leaning as she dug into my bag and pulled out the foil-wrapped burger in its depths, handing it to me. "I want you to answer my questions but Ino isn't the only one skipping out on meals. Eat."
I could tell what she was doing. It was less about me eating and more about giving me the time to think about her words.
She was right, unfortunately so.
Even Lord Inoichi himself had mentioned to me before where the extent of my duties lie. I was to protect her from physical harm and whatever else he deemed necessary, such as trying to seal business proposals between Ino and Sasuke. Her happiness wasn't what I was paid to consider and yet, it was singlehandedly the only thing that mattered most to me right now.
I allowed her to skip class, run off after curfew when she wanted to go look at the stars at night, keep me away from my girlfriend with a simple beg and call of my name, just so she could be happy. None of those things were what I was enlisted to do and yet it was the core foundation of everything we were.
I allowed myself to stress about Ino and pile her problems right on top of my own because I wanted to. I risked my life, fooling around with a girl that I'd never be able to have, all because…
"I love her," I finally whispered out, tiredly rubbing at my face.
When I finally met her eyes, they were warm. The shone brightly, those light brown orbs giving a distinct glow. "You're holding onto two girls that I can tell you love very much," her soft voice began, "And despite Ino's question, you realize that it's not as simple as having one or the other. When you really think about it, can you honestly have either of them to yourself?"
"No," I breathed out.
"And why is that? It's because your contract is for life. You'll be required to serve the Yamanaka family until its head officially dismisses you. Rei can't follow you everywhere. Unless you get out, there's going to be a point where you're going to have to say goodbye for good."
I did everything I could to keep my voice steady, asking slowly, "And Ino?"
Her expression was grim. Taking my hand in her own, she sighed, "You could be with her forever. It's clear that both she and her father are fond of you so unless you get yourself killed, you likely won't be replaced. However, after she graduates, your interactions will be drastically limited. You'll be watching from the sidelines as she gets married, has kids and starts taking her work more seriously. I know how much Ino adores you but she won't be able to give you all the attention you have now. Are you going to be able to accept that? The bigger question isn't 'do you love her?' anymore Sakura, it's 'how much?' "
A slight knock on the door from the inside broke the small pause in our conversation. Neither of us moved. I sat their, eyes cast at Ayame's hands resting atop my trembling fists.
"I suppose Temari is done with her lecture. Come on," she said, pulling me to my feet. Before I knew it, her arms were encircled around my neck and mine in turn, wrapped around her waist. Leaning into my ear, she whispered, "I already know how much you care about her. I see it in your eyes everytime you look at her. That's why, I think that in spite of all of this, I want to root for you two. However, I'm not you. Despite all of this, I think you're going to make the right decision. It's going to be hard but it'll be for the best. Remember that." The door opened as she pulled away, patting my shoulder as she slipped back inside.
I followed after her, the sudden surge of light burning my eyes. I kept silent, only nodding to signal my thanks and acknowledgment of their departure.
I only stood in the middle of the floor as Ino locked the door behind them, creeping back over to me as she rested her hand on my cheek. "Hey...what's wrong?" I couldn't take her concerned voice. Couldn't stomach the thought of having her worry so much. Instead, I pulled her in tight, my head dipping low to rest on her shoulder as I whispered what was sure to be my biggest mistake and perhaps, my only regret.
"Sakura…"
"Ask me again."
"Who do you choose?"
And it took every ounce of strength for me to utter one word, "Neither."
Needless to say, that set the tone for everything over the course of the next few days.
Now, first and foremost, I am sorry. I had a very hard last semester and I felt like it was transcending into my writing. It wasn't good and there was something that seemed very off. For a brief period, I moved to Wattpad, trying my hand at my own stories.
I enjoyed it but I would publish a story with a few chapters then remove it. Why? I honestly don't know. I started reading through my stories here again and started thinking about where it all began. I fought with the idea of coming back for many reasons which I will not bore you with. The fact that it took me until the very end of this school semester (classes literally ended yesterday lol), shows just how hard to think about it.
I reread this story last and there was something about it that I just absolutely loved. Maybe because it was the first story idea that I had where I was truly proud of nearly every chapter. Maybe it was something else, who knew. So, yesterday, I decided I'd come back. I want to finish at least one story for you guys and I'd like it to be this one. Out of the dust, Kat reappears to continue this story!
I made it fairly long to compensate for the long hiatus (November 2017 was last update lol) so hopefully, it is to your liking. I'm actually pretty proud of this chapter and the fact that I finished it in such a short time. Pray for Kat's motivation lol I swear I never typed so fast in one go.
Lastly, the ending. I know exactly what I did and I know EXACTLY how you're feeling. When I tell you that the very last part of this chapter was the hardest decision I have ever made, I mean it. Not just in writing, ever. I promised you I flipped coins, used randomizers to pick, everything! I feel like that for the sake of what I have planned, it made the most sense. Now, do NOT worry. This is going to play a large part in the following chapters and the potential sequel. This needed to happen but I promise all is not lost! Stay with me as I return to operate this wonderful emotional rollercoaster! Kat has missed you all!
