In Jim's opinion, Pete was getting too much enjoyment at his expense; well, his and Kasak's. The old lady, the keys locked in the trunk, the girl on the bike, all made Pete laugh. The reason behind the puking was sobering, but on the whole, Jim's shift was par for the course. The queer look on Pete's face at the mention of Jean having to clean the uniform wasn't missed by his friend.

"Pete, are you alright? You're not in pain are you?" After riding together for five years, the two friends were acutely aware of any mood shifts in the other one.

"No, I'm okay. The pain meds are doing what they're supposed to do." Up until now, Pete had been eagerly eating his latest dinner package; courtesy of Sue Brinkman. Pete had graduated to spaghetti with butter and grated cheese. Now he was pushing the spaghetti around with his fork, but not eating.

"Something is bothering you. Sorry to tell you this Partner, but you are very easy to read when you are on pain medication." Normally, the older man's shifts in mood were subtle clues, ones that Pete could reasonably deny; like tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. Not this time.

"I was remembering first shifts; mine, yours and…Andy's." Ever since Val left, Pete had been wondering how to broach the subject. It wouldn't do any good to attack Jean directly, but her accusation couldn't go unanswered.

"Andy?" Apparently, Jim didn't want to admit knowing who Andy was. No one at the station talked about Pete's deceased partner, although at some point, Walters had told Jim his name and that it wasn't Pete's fault. That information came by way of a warning to not ask Pete or anyone else about Baxter.

"Don't…don't pretend that you don't know his name." Pete ran the fingers of his right hand through his hair; until that morning, he had buried these memories. Damn Jean for bringing them back.

"I'm sorry. His name is all that I know about him." Jim paused, wondering if he should say anything more. "…that and the fact that his death wasn't your fault."

Pete leaned his head back, closed his eyes and got silent. Jim sat perfectly still; not wanting to push his friend into talking about Baxter's death. He couldn't help but wonder why Pete was talking about him now. "You don't have to tell me about him."

"Yes, I do." Pete's stoic façade was in place, but his eyes showed the depth of emotion behind the calm exterior. If Jim were to put one word to those eyes, it would be haunted. "We rode together for fifteen months. I broke him in. In some ways, he was like you; young, eager, married. He was different from you in more ways. He wanted to be a writer, he played Lacrosse and he was tone deaf. "

"Pete, if this is too hard, I don't need to know." Jim saw how Pete's eyes took on a shiny quality; the way his friend's hand trembled. He knew Pete wasn't seeing him; he was back in the warehouse.

"We got a call, a 459 in a warehouse. The PR said he saw one man break in through a side door. When we found the door open, I told Andy to request back-up and stay on the door. He was supposed to send in the back-up unit and stay put. We heard a noise and I went in." Pete paused for a drink of water. It was all Jim could do to not reach out and steady the glass that shook in his partner's hand.

"I was checking the other door when I heard a shot; just one. Without thinking, I ran towards the sound. It never occurred to me that Andy was involved, but the fact that it was only one shot made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. A guy ran out from behind a bunch of crates. He pointed a gun at me and I shot him." Pete used the back of his hand to wipe his eyes before continuing; his voice so low that Jim had to lean forward to hear him.

"I was checking to see if the guy was alive when I saw Andy. He was about thirty feet away; lying on the concrete floor. Already, there was a pool of blood beneath him. The bullet had gone straight through his chest. I sat on the floor and held him in my lap. He was crying and he apologized to me. I guess for not following my order. The blood was coming out of him so fast; my uniform was soaked with it. I held him tight and I lied to him; telling him it would be okay. He started to say something about telling his wife that he loved her. At least, I think it was that, because his body trembled once and he died without finishing his thought." By this point, Pete wasn't bothering to hide the tears; neither was Jim.

"He died in my arms and I wouldn't let him go. Greene knelt beside me; telling me to get up and I punched him. I didn't want anyone to touch Andy. I was yelling at them to stay away. It was Mac who finally made me put him down by asking me if I wanted to make the notification."

Pete stopped taking and stared at nothing. He was back in that warehouse, sitting on the bloody floor holding his friend. After five years, it was still the nightmare that woke him up the most. Telling Jim brought it all back: the anger, the denial, the heartbreak and that helpless feeling of knowing that nothing mattered anymore. Jim stayed silent, letting Pete deal with the grief he knew that he couldn't share; although his heart did go out to his partner. He knew Pete was feeling something that he, himself, hoped to never experience.

"Mac's support is what got me through those next four days. He took me to the station to put on a fresh uniform and he stood by me when I told Kelly that Andy was gone. I lied to her too, Partner; telling her that before he died he said "Tell Kelly I love her". I knew what Andy meant to say; he was crazy about his wife and daughter. During the investigation, Greene testified that Andy told him to watch the door. When Greene questioned that, Andy admitted that I told him to stay on the door, but he ran off before Greene could stop him."

"I wasn't your fault Pete. The investigation cleared you, didn't it?" It sounded lame, Jim knew that, but what do you say to comfort someone after a story like that?

"Do you really think that matters?" Pete's voice was a combination of grief and anger; the question daring Jim to give Pete an answer.

"I...I…um…" Jim stammered. Before he heard the anger in Pete's voice, he would have said yes, but his friend obviously felt differently. "I meant…you can't feel guilty, right?"

"I can't?" Pete let out a rueful chuckle. "According to who; the review board? His wife, who hates me now? How should I feel if not guilty?" There was a grimace of pain as Pete turned to fully face Jim. Rarely had Jim seen Pete this angry and unsettled. "He was my responsibility."

Jim started to point out that Andy had disobeyed an order, but Pete cut him off. He had to make Jim understand.

"How did you feel after I got shot at Dukes or in that narco raid? Who were you mad at besides the guys who shot me?"

"Myself." Jim had hesitated before answering; the question caught him off-guard.

"Why?"

"Because I didn't stop it from happening!" Suddenly Jim remembered conversations with Mac, who kept telling him that he shouldn't feel guilty about Pete getting shot.

"And, I didn't stop Andy from dying. It doesn't matter why or how; a part of me will always feel guilty. I'll always wonder why he didn't obey my order. Didn't I stress it enough? Would he still be alive if he had another training officer?"

"Wasn't it you who taught me that you can't play the 'what if' game?" Over the years, Pete had probably admonished him for dwelling on questions he would never have an answer to at least a hundred times.

"There are some things that will always haunt you." It had taken all Pete had in him to talk to Jim about Andy. The last thing he wanted was to bring those memories to the surface; to have to relive it in his sleep for weeks. He hated Jean for forcing him to talk about it.

"I'm sorry Pete." Jim was sorry, but he was also curious; he had to know. "Why did you tell me this now? After five years?"

"Because you need to know." That answer didn't tell Jim anything, but Pete's tone of voice made it clear that he was done talking about Andy. "Are you still going to work with Kasak?"

"Ah, yeah, I feel kind of responsible for him. Is that why you didn't quit after our first shift? You felt responsible for me?"

"Why do you think Val and Mac stuck me with you? They knew if we made a connection that I'd feel responsible for you and would stay." Pete shook his head, actually smiling at that.

"Before you ask, no, that's not why I asked you to train Kasak. We needed a training officer and you were the best candidate for the job."

Jim was about to question that, but he caught sight of the clock on the wall; he had stayed longer than he expected to. "Well, I better get going before I'm late for dinner. It's bad enough that I'm bringing home a puke soaked uniform, I don't need Jean mad at me for anything else."

O~O~O

Pete's request for pain medication worried the duty nurse. He was one of the most stubborn people the staff had had to deal with in a long time; he was well known for refusing his injections of morphine. While she didn't hesitate to give him the medication she did note it his chart. Any change in a patient's behavior needed to be brought to the doctor's attention; it could reflect a change in the patient's condition. He should have known that it would bring Dr. Franks in for a second visit of the day.

"Why the change, Pete?" The doctor took the singular form of his last name as a challenge. He had a wonderful bedside manner, with cooperative patients, but some needed a firmer hand.

"I was tired and wanted to sleep. It's easier to do that when I'm not in pain." Pete really wasn't in the mood for this now.

"I thought you were getting better. Is the pain worse?" He began to probe Pete's abdomen, checking for any swelling or other signs of trouble. Although Pete didn't utter a sound, Franks did notice how Pete's body stiffened in reaction.

"You know I am. Chalk it up to me moving too much." He had certainly done that. Pete has always been more comfortable moving when discussing troubling issues; Andy's death certainly twisted his stomach in knots.

"That might be happening more in the next week or so. I've talked to physical therapy and they agree that it's time to get you on your feet. Your leg wound is healed enough that it can support your weight, but it will hurt so don't refuse the pain medication. As soon as you can walk with a cane, you will be discharged."

"How long before I can get out of here?" If it was up to Pete, he'd have left a long time ago. A steady stream of visitors helped make being in the hospital semi-bearable, but he was still going stir crazy.

"A week to ten days, but don't hold me to that. When you do leave, you'll need to take it easy and continue physical therapy."

"Believe me Doc, I know the routine."

O~O~O

Pete learned a long time ago how to keep his emotions to himself. As a result, none of the visitors he had since Jim left had any idea how much Jean had upset him. To them, he was his usual easy going self, but when Sally arrived a little after eight she knew right away that something was wrong. It wasn't anything Pete said or did; his usual grin was still present, she saw it in his eyes.

"Slide over." After lowering the railing, Sally climbed up on the bed and lay down next to him. "Do you want to tell me about it now, or after I pester you for an hour?"

"Did I say that anything was wrong?" He wrapped his right arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer. "The doc was here before. He said I might go home in a week. See? I'm fine."

"You might sell that to everyone else but I'm immune to your sidestep. Look me in the eye and tell me that nothing is bothering you." She had him and they both knew it; he would never look into her eyes and lie to her. They were past games, having reached honesty with each other.

"Jean came to see me this morning. She's upset that I am risking Jim's life by insisting that he become a TO." Pete was torn; he didn't want to unleash Sally's wrath on Jean, but he wasn't going to hold anything back. He needed to share this with Sally.

"She said that I was going to get Jim killed, just like I got Andy killed."

"Oh Pete, I'm sorry she said that, you know in your heart that you didn't cause Andy's death." Sally choose to try and sooth his soul, when what she really wanted to do was scream "She what? I'll kill her!"

"I don't understand why she would accuse you of that. She had to know that it would hurt you." Sally nestled closer to him wrapping her arm around his chest; trying to comfort him. At the same time, she was already planning how to destroy Jean.

"I think that was her intent." Pete had spent a lot of time wondering why she would say that to him and the only conclusion he could come to was that she wanted to wound him. "Make me feel bad enough that I would pull Jim back."

"All she's doing is bringing back painful memories; she had no right. Doesn't she know the truth?" Not that the truth would save Pete from agonizing over Andy's death all over again. Although he hadn't had any nightmares about it since they've been back together, she remembered him waking up in a cold sweat for months after Baxter died.

"I never told Jim about him until this afternoon. At least he can answer Jean if she tells him that I got Andy killed." Pete wasn't sure that Jean would say that to Jim. Maybe her intention was to hurt him into changing his mind without telling Jim what she said.

"Good. He can set her straight." Her second thought "hopefully he'll wring her neck" went unsaid.

"Maybe." In his mind, he was back in that warehouse again; he couldn't help it. Sally knew she had to draw him back or he would sink lower.

"Tell me what was funny about Andy; the stupid things he used to do." She couldn't drive away the horrible memories, but talking about good times with Andy might temper his pain. She would be here for him tonight; tomorrow she would deal with Jean.