Pete listened; not that he had a choice. Jean wouldn't leave on her own until she had her say and there was no way in hell that Pete would call hospital security for help. Mostly he listened because of one person: Jimmy. If he and Jean didn't come to an understanding it would exacerbate the Reed's marital difficulties. He knew he'd still see Jim, even if it was only when he came over to sleep on his couch. Jean, however, could keep him from seeing his Godson.

"Go ahead," Pete gestured with his right hand emphasizing his reluctant permission. He was still waiting for the apology from Jean. She better get there soon or Pete would lose what little patience he still possessed.

"I got a lesson about fear from five wives whose husbands work in your division. They all feel the same fears that I do, but I am wrong in the way that I deal with it. I thought that I could relieve that fear by forcing Jim to change his job. We talked about him trying for a promotion to detective. I thought that would make him safer and I could worry less." Jean paused to take a drink of water; slowly as if she was using the time to figure out her next comments.

"Eat the pie Pete, please." Jean pushed the plate of pie and cup of coffee even closer to Pete. "Then you got shot. Jim risked not only his life, but mine and Jimmy's when he saved you. Don't think that I wanted you to die; I'm glad that you are still around, most of the time anyway. A week after you returned to patrol Jim told me that he was going to stay where he was. I didn't see it as being his choice, but as an obligation he felt to protect you; he chose you over his family.

"That's not why he..."

"Pete, stop. Please let me finish. I promise to listen to you when you hear all I have to say." Jean cut Pete off and he wasn't happy about it.

"I can't defend myself? I need to listen to your story without saying anything?" Pete took a deep breath and let it out in a huff. Jean was getting dangerously close to the line. The only reason he kept his temper was still Jimmy. To keep seeing the boy was worth putting up with his mother, who still hadn't apologized.

"I couldn't see that Jim stayed on patrol because he loved the job. Instead, I started seeing you as the reason Jim wasn't taking the investigator's exam. He'd talk about how great it was to be riding with you again. I tried to get him to transfer to another division, to change partners, anything to separate the two of you." Jean couldn't stand still as she spoke. Instead she was making a small circle next to Pete's bed.

"I'll keep listening, but please stop pacing; you are making me dizzy." Pete couldn't believe what Jean seemed to be saying. She resents his friendship with Jim?"

"Jim and I kept going around in circles. I couldn't get past the fact that Jim didn't even think about Jimmy or me before he crawled into the line of fire. If Jim had died trying to save you where would Jimmy and I be? We'd fight until I got so mad that I would throw him out of the house. Then I found out he was going to you for a place to sleep. I couldn't believe…"

"He comes to me because he doesn't want his or your parents to be involved in your fights and because he knows that I won't ask any questions." Pete couldn't let that one pass without clarifying things; being accused of causing Jean's fears wasn't helping him keep his temper. He still hasn't heard an apology. "I'm guilty….I give my friend a couch to sleep on and I mind my own business. Lock me up and throw away the key!"

"Don't you see Pete; I needed something or someone to focus my fear on. I blamed you for Jim's actions that night. If you weren't so close to my husband he might not have risked his life for you." Jean paused once again unsure of what she should say. "You were the logical target so I started taking it out on you by making snide comments when Jim couldn't hear me. I let my fear of Jim being killed run away with me. It's not reasonable; it's emotional. I tried to control it, especially after what you did in my backyard." Jean lowered her head, focusing her attention on the floor; she couldn't look him in the eye. "Still, a part of me couldn't help but hope that you won't be allowed to get back into that squad car. That Jim would be safer with a partner he didn't care so much about. Then you made him a training officer."

"None of that explains why you would accuse me of being responsible for Andy's death." Pete had known for a long time that Jean's problem was the fear she had let control her. That's one of the reasons he ignored the little digs that came from Jean. Most of the time, she treated Pete the way you would treat a big brother. That's what galled him; she knew him better than most people and still she accused him of getting Andy Baxter killed.

"When Jim came home after his first night, he told me that you were going to resign because a friend was killed; he didn't say that the friend was your partner. Maybe he didn't want to frighten me; I might have worried more if I knew your last partner had been killed." Jean used her right hand to brush her hair behind her ear; it was a sign of her nervousness. "I was already thinking that you were putting Jim in danger by making him a training officer so when Aggie told me what happened to her brother-in-law, I jumped to the wrong conclusion."

"Humph, if that's your attempt at an apology you're doing a really lousy job of it. That was a heck of a jump you made." Pete wasn't calming down during Jean's excuses. If anything he was getting madder as evidence by his ears getting red. "You've known me for years, yet someone tells you a lie and you jump down my throat. Did you even have one thought that she might be lying?"

"No", Jean moved to the window to put some distance between her and Pete. "The other wives beat it into my head that I was making you the bogyman behind my fears. Once I did that, what Aggie said made perfect sense to me and upped my fear of Jim being a training officer; you forced him into the job so anything that might happen to him would be your fault."

"That's not the way it works and you know it. Every shift is a roll of the dice. If you can't handle that then you have a bigger problem than me." Pete's voice was getting deeper in pitch; an undeniable indicator that he was close to blowing his stack. "Andy's family can't face the fact that he made a mistake and he died for it. So they blame me. That's okay, they don't know me, but you do." Pete was practically spitting out the words. "I think I've proven that I'd die for Jim or Jimmy. If I could have, I would have died for Andy, but I didn't even know he was in the warehouse. He was ordered to stay outside and secure the door." He pinned Jean with a cold, green eyed glare. "By the way, I still haven't heard an apology."

"I…" Jean didn't know what to say. She grabbed a tissue from the bedside table to wipe the tears in her eyes. In all the years she knew Pete he had never said a cross word to her; never once seemed unsettled. Now he was yelling at her and that fact was enough to let her truly understand how much she had hurt him.

"I'm waiting…." Pete was giving her one more chance. Deep down he knew he might be permanently damaging his relationship with Jean, but he needed to hear an apology; it was the least thing she owed him. He saw the tears running down her cheeks, but were they for what she did to him or to him yelling at her?

"Pete, I'm sorry for what I said, but most of all, I'm sorry for taking out my fear on you. Nothing you've ever done has hurt me or mine; in fact it's the opposite. You've been there for Jim and Jimmy. What happened in our yard only proves that." Jean paused to wipe her tears. It also gave her time to see how Pete was reacting to her apology. "You were there whenever I needed you too; giving me a shoulder to cry on when Jim got hurt. You did work around the house when Jim couldn't do it or when he just needed help. You took being a Godfather seriously, loving my son as you would your own. For more reasons that I can count, you didn't deserve what I did to you. I brought back painful memories for you and you don't deserve that either. I'm sorry Pete, for what I did but mostly because I forgot who you are; the brother Jim and I never had. Can you forgive me Pete?"

Pete didn't answer right away. For a time, the only sound in the room was a steady four beat tapping noise. He was repeatedly hitting the bed rail one finger after the other; pinky finger to index finger. Pete had finally gotten his apology, but was that enough? He wasn't so sure that it was. What she did not only brought back horrible memories of that day; it also brought back the guilt he felt. In a situation like Andy's death, there are always "what ifs" to deal with. Pete had nearly driven himself crazy wondering if he should have done something different that day. If he had, would Andy still have died?

Jean stayed still, silently waiting until the silence grew uncomfortable. She didn't know what else to say to him; to make him believe that she was truly sorry. Eventually, she spoke.

"Pete?" Jean was silently praying that he would forgive her. Up until this moment, she hadn't realized how much she needed that forgiveness.

"Do you know what the worst part is? I will never know why Andy disobeyed my order; wondering if I should have done something else that night. Would he be alive if I had decided to search the right side of the warehouse first instead of going left? Should I have waited for back-up and risk the suspect getting away? Why did he pick that night to disobey an order? Questions that still haunt me; begging for answers I'll never get.

"I brought all that back, didn't I?" Jean was seeing a version of Pete that he never showed before. He wasn't falling back on a joke to avoid expressing his feelings. She knew then that she wouldn't be able to fully forgive herself for hurting him.

"It was never really gone; it lurks below the surface, showing up in my nightmares. I understand why you did what you did. I hope what the wives told you will help you and Jim to work this out, before my couch has a permanent Jim sized dent." Pete offered up a brief smile.

"I think we can avoid any more damage to your couch." Jean smiled back at him. He didn't need to say the words; Pete had forgiven her.