I looked up from my book when I heard footsteps. I smiled as I recognized the wizard.
"And what might you be reading my dear?" He sat down next to me looking at the book in my lap.
"Uhm… I borrowed a book about the history of Middle Earth. Since I will be here I figured it would be helpful to know some more of the past." I closed the book and looked at him.
"Have you thought about what Lord Elrond told you? There is still time but you must decide what you will be doing." He gave me a warm smile and I smiled back at him.
"Honestly I am still trying to wrap my head around being this… drifter and all that. Only a few weeks back I was living a completely different life. Everything I could think about was to get away from the life I was living. In a way I got that I guess. Still it feels like making this decision is choosing between something that resembles my old life so much, meaning depending on others to make the right decisions for me and having to except whatever comes of it, or to choose for once in my life taking control of what is happening. I think I know what I want but it frightens me. I know nothing about how to protect myself though I'd rather fight my own battles instead of letting others fight them for me anymore." I stared off into the garden around us, not sure if Gandalf understood what I was trying to say.
"Your heart will tell you what to do. Your former life was dominated from the outside without you having control over it. Maybe this is another reason why you came to this world, to give you the choice to be in control this time. However, would you like to keep an old man company? I was told Frodo woke up and I thought you would like to see him and the other Hobbits." I nodded and got to my feet. I had already been wondering when Frodo would finally wake up.
I entered the room after Gandalf and relieve flooded me when I saw Frodo was awake and colour had returned to his ashen face. After his initial joy about Gandalf's return he looked past the wizard and smiled at me.
"You made it. I cannot thank you enough for trying to help us." I returned his smile and slowly walked closer.
"There is no need to thank me, Master Baggins. I did what everybody would have done though I didn't make that much of a difference after all." The Hobbit still smiled at me and squeezed my hand.
"Frodo. I would be glad if you would consider us friends after what we went through. Sam told me you got stabbed as well… How are you feeling?" A sigh escaped me and I tried to keep smiling.
"I am doing good, considering I was out of consciousness almost as long as you. Still I fear I am far from healed." Frodo nodded and started talking to Gandalf. A shadow by the door caught my attention and I turned to face Aragorn. With a small smile he retreated from the room when he saw Frodo was eager to catch up with Gandalf and so I followed him.
"How are you holding? I mean honestly." He had pulled me a bit to the side after leaving the room and was now looking at me with searching eyes. My shoulders sank a bit as if a great weight had been laid on them.
"Honestly? I don't know. Hell I don't even know what I am feeling, if I am feeling anything at all. I feel this dull pain in my arm that reminds me there is something that should have killed me right away. I don't even want to think about the other possibility if it hadn't killed me and Lord Elrond wouldn't have been able to help me. I am trying so hard to understand what is happening, I don't even know what I am supposed to do. A few weeks back I tried so hard to get away from a life dictated by my mother, a life where I was a mere prisoner even if I was of legal age. No decision made was my own, I was to follow orders, to obey or face the consequences. My mother tried to marry me off against my will and the moment I finally was ready to get away, to have my own life… That moment were freedom was only inches away that pig shoves me down the balcony because I refused getting molested by him. I was supposed to be free and what did I get? I cannot forget the feeling of blood pouring into my lungs, seeing my best friends shocked face and the pure disgust and disappointment in my mother's eyes as she looked down on my broken body. That should have been the end. And instead I wake up in this world. I nearly got myself killed again, because I made a decision. I decided not to stand back and look what it got me! I can feel this evil pulsing in the wound and I am afraid it will consume me one day. And now? I got two decisions. One: staying here, hoping somehow, someone manages to figure out how to deal with this stupid ring that apparently decides over my fate now. And that is none different from the last twenty years of my life. Sitting there while others make decisions for me and I am doomed to deal with the aftermath. And if I decide not to stay here I am thrown into something I have never known before. The freedom of choice. If I leave here they will hunt me down, Gandalf and Elrond said so themselves. I don't know how to fight, I don't know this land and I have no idea where I should go or what I should do when I cannot stay here. I had made plans for my life and now I have nothing, because I died and woke up here! This is so unfair! Why is this happening to me? All just because of something that happened while I was only coming into life. What cruel force puts something like that on a defenceless newborn and seals its fate before it is even able to breath on its own?! I just don't know who I am any more…" Everything seemed to crash around me. The carefully build facade I had been able to hold up for years now. It had crumbled away now that there was no more consequence in talking about what happened behind closed doors. If the world had only known what my mother did to me since my father left us. Caleb was the only one who knew, the only one I could trust. I didn't lie, I really didn't know what to do. It was like I said, trading one cage for another or be truly free for once in my life and having no idea what to do with it.
I was so caught up in my head I hadn't registered the elf approaching Aragorn and me. I was trying so hard to breath I didn't feel him pulling me into him and Aragorn leaving us on the balcony.
"You need to breath, niphredil." I didn't understand the elvish words flooding my senses but they calmed me. I only made out one word 'niphredil', I didn't know what it meant but Glorfindel had called me that a few days ago. Slowly my breathing evened out again and my heart stopped racing. The blood in my ears wasn't pumping as loud as before and a soft calmness ebbed over me as the words continued pouring over me.
"What happened?" My words were but a whisper. I didn't look up, all I could see was white fabric and some of the ever present trees in the background.
"You fell into panic. You were so caught up in your own mind you almost stopped breathing." A cool hand brushed some hair out of my face and I finally looked up. Blue eyes answered mine and I sighed when I recognized Glorfindel.
"And again you have to deal with the mess I am…" I tried to pull away but he wouldn't let me and kept me close to him.
"And again it is no bother to me. I am not going to ask of you to repeat what had you so worked up. I heard most of it." I closed my eyes in embarrassment and let my head sink against the elf's chest. I just stood there, clinging to him like a frightened child, as he once again started talking in that beautiful language.
"I am just so weak. I am always a bother to everyone around me…" He stopped talking and had me look at him again.
"You may be many things, but weak is none of them. You are so much stronger than you can know by now. You will see. You will find a purpose and you will leave the life you lost behind. It will fade to memory and some day it will feel like a bad dream." He let go of me and cast me one of his soft smiles.
"When will it stop to hurt?" Instead of answering he half turned away towards the stair leading down from the balcony.
"Come. I want to show you something." He turned a few steps downward and held his hand out to me. After a few second I slipped my hand in his and followed him.
He led me between buildings until we reached one that stood a little to the side. Inside I was hit with a smell I knew from when I was still a child and my father took me with him to a circus. We stopped in front of a boy, inside stood a beautiful white horse.
"Asfaloth." The horse lifted its head and trotted over with a soft snore, pressing its nose into Glorfindel's outstretched hand. After a moment the animal turned its head to look at me with curious and intelligent eyes.
"He remembers you." Glorfindel gently tucked on my elbow so I was standing in front of the horse. The animal neared its head and seemed to take in my scent before blowing its breath in my face.
"I can recall being on a horse after the attack. But I don't remember him. He is yours?" I hesitantly lifted my hand until it touched the white fur and began to gently pat it.
"Not exactly. I ride with him. He is more of a loyal companion than something I own. Elves don't believe in ownership over animals. Most of the guard ride a horse but we have a bond to them. I could never imagine riding with another, same as he would never allow anyone else to guide him into battle. Our horses are different from the ones humans tame and hold as their property." I listened to him while my hand remained on the soft fur.
"It is in his eyes. They are more intelligent and observant than horses where I come from." As if he understood the horse snored and shook his head.
"They are. They hold a tinge of magic themselves, his ancestors go back thousands of years. Have you ever been on a horse before?" I looked up at the elf and shook my head.
"I have been on a pony when I was six years old. I felt like I was flying. But until you took me to Rivendell I have never been on a horse before. I always dreamed of it though." A smile of a distant memory ghosted around my lips.
"I could teach you if you wish for it. Asfaloth doesn't seem to mind your presence." I looked at him in surprise.
"I would love that. You really want to teach me? Why?" He smiled and tucked a strand of my hair back into my braid.
"Because I think it would make you happy. I will not go easy on you though. And first you will learn before you even go near a horse will be how to tend to them. Before you can ride a horse you need to understand it, therefore you will help keeping the stables clean and feeding them. Maybe what you need is a purpose to help your mind find peace in this new life, niphredil."
"What does it mean? You called me that before."
"It is the name of a pale flower growing in winter. Small and delicate but growing strong against all odds." I turned away and blushed a little. I hadn't expected such an answer.
"It sounds beautiful. So when will you start teaching me about horses?" I tried to change the subject, something that didn't go unnoticed be the elf. With a chuckle he told me that I would have to wait for a few more days because he would be heading out in the morning, scouting for the black riders.
o-0-o
The next days I started wandering around more and more, exploring the grounds of Rivendell. I had asked Thúldil for a shirt and some pants because I hated walking around in dresses I couldn't put on by myself all the time. She had been surprised at first and tried to talk me out of it but soon realized I would not change my mind. So she brought me some shirts that would touch down to my knees and some pants resembling leggings. My old boots had not survived walking the plaines of Arnor and were replaced by a pair of leather boots that were lighter than my old ones but much more comfortable.
On one of my walks I had come across an elder Hobbit who had been curious about me. It didn't take me long to figure out it was Bilbo Baggins. He had taken an instant liking to me which had been mutual and so I ended up sitting and talking to him for hours. I loved listening to him telling me the story about how he encountered Thorin Oakenshield and his band of dwarves and his journey to reclaim Erebor. I distantly remembered the story but it was something else to sit there and listen to the one who actually lived that adventure. Bilbo seemed happy that someone wanted to know everything about his adventures with the dwarves and so he couldn't be stopped. Listening to him helped me a lot to understand some of the affairs of Middle Earth and its inhabitants. From time to time Frodo joined in and I listened to them telling stories of Frodo's youth.
It didn't go unnoticed by Aragorn that from time to time I would even bring some parchment and ink when meeting with Bilbo to write down some of the stories he was telling.
I looked up in confusion when a book with no title appeared in front of me. Aragorn was towering over me with a soft expression on his face.
"What is that?" I took a hold of the book and opened it only to find all the pages blank.
"I saw you writing when you talked to Bilbo the other day. Why don't you start writing down your own story? I think you have quite a lot to tell yourself."
"You mean like Bilbo did with his journey to the Lonely Mountain? He showed the book to Frodo yesterday. What is there to tell about me?" The man before me nodded. I looked up into the tree for several moments before I found the courage to ask him what had been on my mind for some time now.
"Can you teach me how to fight?" He looked at me with a bit of surprise.
"Why would you want to learn how to fight?"
"Because I think I won't be staying here much longer after it is decided what happens to the ring. Where ever the ring goes I intend to go. For once in my life I want to be in charge of what happens to me. And since my life seems to be bound to the ring's fate I thought it a good idea to tag along. Whatever that means. The other reason is that I don't ever in my life won't to feel helpless again. I don't want to be dependent on others, I want to be able to take care of myself. I want to be able to defend my life on my own." Aragorn slightly bowed his head. He seemed not as surprised at my answer as he had been at my question.
"And you think you have nothing to tell. Already you are no longer the woman I found a few weeks back. Every step you took up to know made you stronger. Maybe one day you will realize just how strong you really are. Even if you don't think so, your previous life made you stronger not weaker. I can show you how to fight. But I will show you the elven way since you are not built to fight with blunt force like most mortal men do." I smiled at him.
"I can never repay you for that. When do you want to start? I mean not to rush anything… Glorfindel returned this morning and I will help him with the horses, starting tomorrow morning." Aragorn looked down at me again and seemed deep in thought for a moment.
"I have never seen that elf take such a liking to a human though I know him since I was a child… I will come find you at the stables tomorrow. The sooner we start the better." With another smile he excused himself and I could see Arwen waiting for him at the far end of the garden. I wonder what he meant with what he said about Glorfindel…
For the next couple of weeks I barely saw anything apart from the stables or the training grounds. Glorfindel had me cleaning out the stables on a regular basis, it was hard work but somehow I liked it, I liked being around the horses and most of the elves had gotten used to me being around real soon. Once he decided to actually teach me about horses and not only about cleaning them I got to know another side of the always dressed in with elf. He was an unforgiving teacher, never letting slip anything. He would have me do everything until I did it right, even if that meant we were at the stables until late at night.
Whenever I was finished with my daily routine down at the stables Aragorn would come to pick me up. If my muscles weren't sore before, they were by the time he was done with me. I had bruises and cuts all over my body and on more than one opportunity I had to ask myself if I was really sure I was doing the right thing. The ranger taught me not only how to handle a sword, but also how to shoot a bow. From time to time the Hobbits would join us for a bit of training of their own or just to watch Aragorn literally kick my ass.
I took his advice to heart and though I was exhausted I started writing about what my life had been before I came to Middle Earth, realizing that I forgot more and more about that life. Some days it felt like the distant memory of a bad dream. And the longer I was here, the more I seemed to forget about what I knew was going to happen. I still remembered things that had happened before I came to Middle Earth but the future became more clouded with each passing day. I came to recognize the change in myself. Where I had been shy before I was now holding myself with more confidence. My body had changed as well. I had been a little chubby before but with the almost daily training and the different kind of food I had lost a considerable amount of weight and put on some muscle.
I was fascinated how nature changed when summer slowly turned to autumn. It was still warm but the leaves turned red and golden all around. I was standing on the balcony of my room one day in late September when I noticed some riders approaching. Curiosity kept me outside as they fast approached the gates. The first thing I noticed was how different the horses were. They were muscular as the elven horses but their movement was less gracious and they seemed to have a more bulky frame. The riders clearly were men. Tall and muscular from what I could tell. Their leader reminded me of what I always imagined a Viking to look like. From the way he held himself he seemed used to giving orders rather than receiving them. I wondered if they were here for Elrond's council concerning the ring.
Over the course of the next days more guests arrived at Rivendell and I was curious to meet them. But with me spending most time with Glorfindel or Aragorn it would be rather unlikely that I would have the opportunity to speak to one of them.
"Again! Don't let your guard down. Always keep your head up. You need to know where your opponent I going to move before he does." I was panting and my muscles burned. Whatever got him so worked up today, Aragorn seemed to take it out on me. I had lost track of time after long hours of dogging his attacks and fighting back. I managed to at least get to him a few times but more than once I was the one to land on the dusty ground. I noticed movement in the corner of my eyes and knew someone was watching us but I had no time to concentrate on that. Aragorn came at me once more. Instead of taking the blow head on I dodged it and rolled to the left. I got up to my feet in one fluid motion, turned on my heels and aimed for his hip. As if he knew me intention he stepped to the side. That was the moment I kicked the back of his knee hard, it had been my intention all along to distract him with the blow to his hip. Down on one knee he blocked my sword and started laughing loud.
"Well done." He smiled and with a triumphant grin I removed my dagger from his throat.
"Uff…" Not even a second later I landed on my back with so much force it pushed the air from my lungs. While getting up he had gripped my ankle and yanked me off my feet and now I was the one gasping for air with a blade on her throat. He held out his hand to pull me back to my feet.
"Remember, never let down your guard." I nodded, bowed forward with the hands on my knees and still breathing heavily.
"She fights like a man." I looked up to see an elf leaning against a wooden post. He had long blond hair and was dressed in a long sleeved shirt and some pants. Aragorn smiled and walked towards him. They exchanged some words in what I knew to be Sindarin before the elf turned towards me.
"Show me what you can do with the bow." I was surprised and looked at Aragorn.
"Do it. There is no better archer than him." I nodded and went to get my bow. When I came back the elf introduced himself as Legolas Greenleaf of Mirkwood. He had me shoot some arrows before he corrected my stance and the way I was holding up the bow. By the end of the afternoon I was able to hit four out of ten targets where before I barely was able to hit one. The following days he started to come by to help Aragorn teach me and I greatly appreciated it. His style of fighting was different but it helped me a lot to get used to different people fighting in a different way and fight more than one opponent at once.
I got back to the idea of Asfaloth beeing Glorfindel's horse as it was in the books rather than beeing Arwen's as depicted in the movies because I just think of ot as more fitting. I will jump a little between movie and book, because there are some aspects I like more in the books others I like more in the movies.
Anna: Thank you so much for your review. What you said about her dealing with her death I had already in the back of my mind and was actually figuring a way to work that out when I got your opinion, so thank you for helping me decide that that was a topic I needed to adress.
