"Ni su'cuyi, gar kyr'adyc, ni partaygli, gar darasuum. Droidbait, Cutup, Hevy… Echo."
Fves sucked in a shuddering breath. It'd been a week, and it still hurt, saying Echo's name at the end of his remembrances. Before the Citadel, the Domino twins had said their remembrances together, reciting the names of their fallen bathmates. He'd never allowed himself to think of the possibility of one day doing it alone.
He needed a distraction, some form of work or activity. Anything to get his mind off Echo.
Maybe Rex had something for him to do. He knew the captain was in his quarters. He was always in his quarters at that time, doing who knows what in there for over an hour.
As he approached the door, Fives could hear a faint murmuring. He frowned. Was Rex on his comm with somebody? Cody, maybe? Feeling a little guilty, he pressed his ear to the door, hoping no one passed by and saw him.
He could only hear a word every now and then, but what he did hear caused his guilt to increase, but he couldn't bring himself to stop.
"... Slammer, Tucker, Axe…. Denal, Koho…. Redeye, Mixer…... Ponds…... 99...….. Keeli…. Charger, Longshot… and… Echo."
With horror, Fives realized what he was hearing was Rex's remembrances. While he didn't hear every name that was said, not by a longshot, he recognized several that he did hear. And he hadn't missed the slight hitch in Rex's voice when he got to Echo.
He started to back up when a voice called out from inside the room. "Come in, Fives."
The door hissed open to reveal Rex standing there, his armor still on save for his helmet. Dark shadows underscored his dulled amber eyes, but he managed a smile that only looked slightly forced.
"Come in," he repeated.
"Are you sure, sir?"
"Yeah," he shrugged. "I'm done."
Fives walked past Rex nervously. He'd never been actually inside his captain's room before. It was very utilitarian, with no personal items that he could see. In the corner was Rex's helmet, with a shiny set of Mark II armor next to it. On the bed―if you could call it that―was a datapad.
"What's with the new armor?" Fives asked, feeling awkward.
"Mark II armor came in," Rex replied, picking up one of his DCs and a cleaning cloth. He sat down at his desk, scrubbing his already shiny blaster.
"Why do you still have your Mark I stuff?" He gestured to the armor the captain was wearing. "Gonna keep 'em as souvenirs?"
"I'm going to combine them."
"Huh?" Fives sat down on the bed. "Whatever for?"
"Well, I like the new movement plates, but in my opinion, they sacrificed more of the armor's strength for flexibility than was necessary, so I'll weld the Mark I plates to the Mark II connective joints. Also, the new sound/comm system is great, but now the HUD range is severely limited. I guess they were worried about the power cell being overtaxed, but there's a bit of empty space in the Mark II to fit in another power cell. If I can do that, I can splice together a mix of the Mark II cushioning and comm system with the Mark I HUD."
Fives blinked. He hadn't noticed any of that. But then, Rex always saw things others didn't. He shrugged to himself, idly glancing around. When he looked at the datapad on the bed, however, he stopped. He picked it up.
"Rex, this is a list of casualty reports."
The other clone kept his eyes on his blaster.
"They go back to before Christophsis. And they're all listed as having been opened recently."
"They're part of my remembrance," Rex said simply.
"You carry all of them with you?" Fives thought to how hard it had been just to say his four batchmates' names.
"Yeah."
"But I… I don't… should I…?"
"Oh, Fives," Rex said sadly. "You are not required to mourn and remember every vod who's died, nor should you. War's difficult enough as it is. Mourn those close to you, fallen batchmates and brothers who you've grown close to."
"But you don't," Fives protested, feeling guilty over his grief for just one vod. "You mourn all of them."
"I'm their alor'ad," Rex said as if it explained everything. And perhaps it did. His usage of the Mando'a word, as opposed to 'captain,' was certainly telling.
"It's just…" Fives hesitated and Rex moved to sit next to him. "We lost so many vode at the Citadel and I'm just thinking about Echo."
"He was your batchmate."
"The last," Fives murmured. Rex's hand cupped the back of his neck. "He was my last batchmate, and now he's dead. Echo's gone, just like Hevy, Cutup, and Droidbait. I'm all alone!"
At that point, tears were streaming freely down his cheeks. Rex pulled him into a Keldabe kiss, then morphed it into a hug. Fives clutched his ori'vod, pressing himself into the other's plastoid armor.
"It's okay, it's okay," Rex soothed, carding his fingers through Five's hair. "Go ahead and cry, vod'ika. I've got you."
"It hurts," Fives sobbed. "I'm the last one."
"I know it hurts. Trust me," Rex's voice faltered for a moment, "I know. And I'm not going to tell you it'll stop hurting. But I'll be here for you when it hurts. Ni'cuyii'rud'gar. I promise, Five'ika."
The younger clone hugged tighter still, tears still falling. "I miss him."
"I miss him too."
Fives fell asleep in his ori'vod's arms, his cheeks still stained with tears.
Only after his vod'ika was asleep did Rex allow his own tears to fall."
"Ni ceta, Ech'ika," he whispered.
I wasn't going to cry and then a friend of mine insisted that this take place post-Citadel. So then I did cry. And then she got mad at me for how sad it was. I apologize for the difference from last chapter. Angst is my forte. Let me know what you liked.
Ni su'cuyi, gar kyr'adyc, ni partayli, gar darasuum - I'm alive, but you are dead. I remember you, so you are eternal (Mandalorian remembrance for the dead
Vod - brother
Alor'ad - captain
Vode - brothers
Ori'vod - older brother
vod'ika - little brother
Ni'cuyi'rud'gar - I'm with you
Ni ceta - I'm sorry
