bury a friend (Billie Eilish)
Santana's POV
When a person gets knocked out in the movies, they usually wake up in a hospital room surrounded by family or at least by the cops. Unfortunately, I only blacked out for about a second after dropping like a stone.
Blood burned my eyes as I moved to my knees.
My ears were ringing, and the world was blurry.
Where the fuck was Carmen?
It'd been a long time since I'd been treated like a piece of trash, but Mr. Evans proved that just because I was two years removed from all the things I had done, it doesn't mean they didn't happen.
He gripped my hair and yanked me to my feet.
Even though I knew that I was screaming, nothing reached my ears but the ringing.
Once I was standing, he pressed his lips to mine, and I recoiled.
When I punched him, he actually had the nerve to look hurt about it.
Did he think I wanted this?
He pulled me to one of the bunkbeds and shoved me back onto it.
When I hit the sheets, I curled up and tried to turn towards the wall, but his hold on my hair was firm.
He shoved his disgusting fingers into my mouth, and I just knew better than to bite them even though I wanted to.
The more I fought, the worse things would be...at least when it came to him.
I gagged on his fingers, and he grinned.
He happily began to undo his belt, and I shook my head.
No. No. No. Not again.
The last time I had given him a blow job willingly, but this wasn't like the last time.
Back then, I was still under Marco's thumb, and Mr. Evans was giving me money to get away even if that night had been my biggest overdose yet.
He was no longer the nice old man that paid me just to kiss him...he was now the man who shot Nico and Brittany...and was about to violate me...again.
I felt my throat going raw from my screams, but I still couldn't hear anything over the ringing.
His eyes were bright as he pulled out that disgusting fleshy worm and tried to present it to me like it was priceless. Panic rolled through me as I tried to direct my body to move, but it wouldn't; it couldn't move.
I pressed my lips together and shook my head.
He should have shot me; death was preferable to this.
I still couldn't stomach bacon...all I wanted was to be home, watching my son get his hair cut and listening to my daughter banging on her baby bongo. Regret surged through me; at the very least, I should have brought Sugar with me.
My face was wrenched to the side, and he pressed his fingers against my jaw until it was too painful to keep closed. The tears flooded my eyes as I pleaded with him. I still couldn't get my body to move, and to make matters worse, my eyes wouldn't close.
All I could think about was my happy morning with my family...with Britt. Oh God, she didn't want me there, but I had insisted. She'd even wanted me to take a gun, but I brushed it off.
This was the last time that I'd ever ignore my wife's intuition; she'd been right way too many times.
It's what made her a fucking genius.
His sweaty body drew closer to me as he kept his fingers pressed against my jaw.
I bit down on my lips when he pressed himself to my face. I wanted to die.
No. No. No. No.
He was leering one moment and clutching his side the next while taking a step back. His shirt was turning red beneath his fingers, and then he dropped to his knees.
I still couldn't hear him as his face went pale.
My vision was blurred as I watched him be kicked, and then my heart was in my throat when I saw a face that I hadn't seen in ages.
Nico's. He smiled down at me and caressed my face as his eyes conveyed an apology.
He leaned in and kissed my forehead before moving over to Mr. Evans.
Sugar took his place above me, trying to talk to me, but I couldn't hear her. The shock had taken over my body, and apparently, I was stunned deaf.
When she realized I couldn't hear her, she stepped to the side. Then I was looking up into a sea of blue as Britt's face came into view, her hands were touching my face, and finally, my eyes closed, and my body moved as I clutched her shirt.
I was shaking as she lifted me up and took us through the door into my side of the offices.
My head hurt so much as I sat at my desk while Britt talked to me and wiped away the blood from my face.
Her eyes were bloodshot, but there were no tears, just anger.
Pure rage.
She was staring at me now, really close and saying things, but I just stared at her blankly. Then she pulled out her phone and typed something before hovering it in front of me.
The letters swam in my vision, but I forced my eyes to adjust.
Only one eye was working right; I must have lost one of my contacts.
Going to hospital. I love you. I'm not mad at you. Want me to carry you?
I broke then, covering my face as I cried and nodded.
It had just hit me that I was safe and Britt was going to take care of me.
No one was going to come to force me to have sex with anyone.
I was safe.
Safe.
SAFE.
Britt picked me up, wrapped my legs around her hips, and carried me down the front stairs, out onto the streets, and into Sandra's truck.
Everything was so quiet as she buckled me in the backseat before sliding in next to me, and then we were moving again.
I had to call Walker...we couldn't go back to that cursed building. I'd take the loss. We'd find somewhere new. I was out of this superhero game; I couldn't do this again.
My past was too complicated to go around, like I didn't have enemies of my own.
Britt had been right; it was too much.
Every time I started to droop, Britt would slap my face just enough to keep me awake.
It was like Britt couldn't stop touching me, even when we got to the hospital and the doctors tried talking to me, but I just shrugged when they spoke.
Then I was on a gurney going down a hall; I knew hospitals and that Britt wouldn't be able to go past a certain point, but then Mari was there holding my hand, smiling down at me. She was the only person that hadn't tried to talk. Instead, she just gave my hand three quick squeezes.
It reminded me of when she took care of me after my boob job; she'd always squeeze my hand three times. I LOVE YOU. Three words, three squeezes.
I squeezed back three times, and she winked.
She stayed by my side right until they slid a cage over my head and put me in a machine.
My head ached so badly, and then the ringing came back.
I was so tired.
When I was taken out of the machine, Mari was there again, with three quick squeezes.
Then we were in a room, and she was covering me with warm blankets.
Britt came into my line of sight and did something she used to do when I'd get too drunk to do it myself.
She held my eye open and, in one quick swipe, took out my lone contact.
Then she was sliding my glasses on my face so that I could see better.
My wife was the absolute best in a crisis.
She held my hand and rubbed her thumb over the top.
I closed my eyes, and she squeezed my hand until I opened my eyes again.
It was clear to me that I had a concussion, but I was so tired, I needed to sleep just a little bit, but I knew they wouldn't let me sleep until the test results came back.
The doctor tried to talk to me, but then Britt said something, and he took a different approach. He took a whiteboard and wrote on it.
Do what I do. It's okay if you can't. Don't push yourself.
He puffed out his cheeks, and I tried like hell to remember how to do that. I shook my head, and he nodded. So I nodded.
Then he lifted his arms and twisted his wrists. I lifted my arms and then forgot the rest.
He shined a light in my eyes and then looked in my ears.
I was grateful that Britt was there to hear stuff for me because he talked to her as if I wasn't even there.
Then he left, and a few minutes later, Mari and a nurse came in.
Mari brushed my hair back from my face and hesitated, she said something to the nurse, and she shuffled back out. My sister touched my face, but I could barely feel it; she took a hair tie out of her own hair and pulled my hair into a loose ponytail.
"I love you!" I tried to say to her, but I wasn't sure if I mumbled it or yelled it. She just nodded and gave my hand another three squeezes.
I bit my lips as the nurse poked a needle in my face before preparing a needle hook. I couldn't feel the stitches being put above my eyebrow, but I knew they were there. When she finished, she held up her hand, showing me four fingers. I nodded, and then she shook a little dropper bottle in front of me and pointed to her ears.
And I nodded again.
She put the ice-cold drops in my ears and then placed gauze over my stitches while the drops did their job.
I wish it had happened right away, but it took a while before the ringing turned into actual sound.
"How long will it take for her to hear us? I'm so worried." Britt said to Mari, and I must have made a face because Mari smirked.
"Now, I think. Can you hear us, Ana?"
"Yes." I said, and Britt's tears finally came as she leaned in close.
"Hi, baby."
"Hi."
"You got yourself a concussion; that was not our plan. It's almost five; you said you'd be home by now." She teased, and I shrugged.
"My bad."
Once I had my hearing back and could answer the doctor and police questions, I was discharged.
When all was said and done, I got home by six...just an hour later than dinner was supposed to be.
When we got to the building, Mari dropped us off in the lobby before running home to change when I noticed that she had blood on her. "Is that mine?" I asked, and she gave me a small smile.
"It's fine...I'm just glad we got there in time." Mari said. "I just don't want Norah to panic when she sees blood. I'll be back with dessert." Had Mari been with them?
I couldn't remember.
We stood waiting for an elevator with Sugar, who had been with us from the moment we left the office. "You don't have to wait with us. I'm okay now." I said, and she shook her head, choosing that moment to put her foot down.
"You left to a dangerous situation without telling me. Nico will have my head if something like this happens again. Until that asshole is formally charged and sentenced, I'm going to be your shadow."
"Aren't you already?"
"No. I've let you have freedom, but Mr. Evans has associates; I can't let you walk around freely anymore, and Brittany agrees." Sugar said, then gave me that innocent smile that I didn't believe for a second.
"I offered her our guest room." Britt said. "It would make me feel safe."
"Fine."
"The whole family is upstairs, but the doctors have cleared you to sleep if you want."
"Just want to see my babies and eat something." I said, and Britt looked at me sideways.
"You're actually hungry?"
"Starving." I mumbled.
"Okay. I'll go in first and let them know you have a concussion to keep it down." She kissed me suddenly, taking my breath away, and I leaned into it...needing the comfort that only she could provide. When she pulled away, there were more tears in her eyes, but then she smiled. "I'll be right back."
I nodded and then leaned against the wall outside the apartment.
Sugar was adjusting her pearls in the reflection of the window with her back to me.
"Tell me what you know." I said, and she turned to me, her face looking stoic as she pulled out her gun, checked the safety, and then tucked it back into the holster under her fancy pink blazer.
"Why do you assume-" She started to say, but I was too tired to play games.
"Just tell me."
"He went looking for Carmen; you weren't part of the plan. Nico was made, so Evans wanted to finish the job; he planned to use Carmen as leverage. He confessed this all to Nico, even told him that he scared off the women. I know you're thinking this was Carmen's doing, but she didn't set you up."
"If you say so."
"I do say so."
"Did they call you? How'd you get there so quick?"
"Britt had an awful feeling after you left, and she came looking for me. I was still asleep because I knew you'd be home all day. Your sister had just gotten to the building; we got her to drive us to the offices. I called Carmen on my way over there to find out where they were. We ended getting there at the same time. We could hear you screaming from outside. Carmen unlocked the door. I shot him, Nico took him to the police and made him confess to God knows what. We'll see if it sticks. It was a friendly station, so they ignored Nico's presence."
"He was going to rape me, Sugar. He's never been that rough with me. It scared the shit out of me." I said as I stared at her bright pink sneakers. Even as a baby mobster, she still dressed like a Bratz doll at all times. How she pulled off bright high-tops, skinny jeans, a tank top, and a pink blazer, I had no idea, but somehow she made it look like the height of fashion.
"I would have cut his dick off, trust me." Britt said as she came back into the hall. She pulled me into a hug and kissed my face a dozen times. "Ready?"
"Yes."
When we went inside, there were no kids or husbands; just my sisters, Quinn, Ari, and Gloria.
"Hey San, the guys took the kids to the park when we found out you were on your way...figured you'd need a minute."
"Thanks, Q." I pulled her into a hug and kissed her cheek. "I love you so fucking much. Thank you for being the best Dama in the world."
"Go take a shower and get in your comfiest pajamas; we are turning Sunday dinner into a girl's night...we want you to feel safe, which is why the guys won't be coming back." Sandra said.
"And the kids?" I said, feeling sad that they weren't here.
"Will come home in the morning." B said, "You need to rest."
"Promise they'll be here when I wake up tomorrow." I said, and she nodded.
"I promise. Let's go shower."
"Okay."
I undressed slowly, feeling the ache in my bones as I peeled off my jeans. Britt brushed my hair into a top knot when I was done before running her fingers over my sore back.
"You have rug burn." She said. "The water might sting, but we'll just be gentle."
I nodded and then followed her into the shower.
When the water touched my back, I hissed as the pain came alive, but I didn't move. Instead, I looked up at my wife; her eyes were filled with concern as she looked me over.
"He dragged me across the carpet after hitting me with the gun."
"Did we...get there in time?"
"He didn't get a chance to hurt me the way he wanted to...thank God."
"Good."
"I'm so sorry, B. I shouldn't have ignored your intuition. I was stupid."
"Stop it; you're not stupid, okay."
Britt washed my body with soft touches and gentle kisses.
"I'm sorry...so s-sorry." I whispered.
Then she tipped up my chin and waited for me to look her in the eyes.
"He made you feel powerless, like he owned you, and I don't like that. So I need you to use me, baby...however you need. If you need me to fuck you to sleep, or if you need to do me, we can. The girls can wait."
"You still want me after that?"
"Yes, always."
"Can we do it in bed?"
"Sure, let me get clean, and then we can go have a sexy time."
I grinned and stood by while she cleaned herself. My head was still pounding, but I couldn't go to sleep now. All I kept thinking of was him and all of the times that he had used me as a cocksleeve.
My stomach turned, but I focused instead on Britt's boobs, which seemed to help.
I laid between her legs, touching and kissing her gently until she scratched red tracks up her thighs. "Harder baby, don't be afraid to be rough." I looked up at her, and she smirked. "Please?" So I pressed my fingers into her as I swirled my tongue around her clit. "Like that! Yes, faster...more fingers."
She bit into a pillow as I went harder. The music in the living room got louder, probably thanks to Quinn, as Britt began to cry out as she came.
I kept my fingers pumping as I crawled up her body and straddled her thigh. The moment she felt how wet I was, she gripped my hip and began to rock me on her leg to the same rhythm of my hand movements. I clung to her as we rocked and thrust together. We came together this time, and then I was crying on her shoulder, loud and ugly.
She held me against her and kissed every available inch of skin in her reach. "I love you. I love you. I love you. Nobody can ever take that away, baby. I love you."
"I love you too, B."
"And don't you forget it."
"I think we need to go get cleaned up again."
"And you need to brush your teeth."
I grinned, proud to smell like her but knowing that my sisters probably wouldn't appreciate it.
Britt held my hand as we went back to the bathroom and rinsed off before brushing our teeth with our bodies never too far apart.
Once we were dressed, we made the bed, and then Britt changed my bandage.
I was dressed in her comfiest sweats and socks when we finally emerged.
The girls were at the table, putting homemade masks on their faces.
"There they are!" Q said, "Did you ladies have fun?"
"Yeah, we did." Britt said.
"That's not going to be a daily thing, is it?" Sugar asked, and I shrugged.
"Possibly. You could always protect me from afar...you don't have to stay here."
"I do. Besides, it's been a while since I've felt like a part of a family that wasn't threatening to kill me every second." She said and then smiled at my sisters. "I could get used to this."
I sat on the couch, curled against Britt's side, and felt myself drifting off.
First, I was surrounded by darkness, and then I was back in that room, only this time I could hear everything.
"You think because you're worth something now that you aren't still a whore? I know what you need...I came here for her, but you are just the kind of release I need."
This time no one came as he shoved himself into my mouth until I was gagging. He was cackling, and I was choking to death.
I tried to scream and punch at him, but nothing worked.
But then there were kisses on my face, and everything smelled like B.
When I opened my eyes, I was back in my living room, with my wife kissing my face. "I'm here, baby. Shhh. I'll always be here."
I pulled away from her, and my eyes fell on the new person in the room.
Carmen sat at Sugar's side, looking guilty and small.
Even though my body ached and the cravings were creeping in, I began to see red as things became clear to me.
No one was expecting me to lunge, so no one grabbed me as I threw my body against Carmen's. Her body slammed into the floor, and I was on top of her, gripping her shirt.
"How could you?"
"Lo siento, Santi...this is on me...I fucked up." I lifted my fist, prepared to punch her in the face, and she didn't even flinch. Instead, she lifted her chin. She looked past me and shook her head. "Don't touch her." She said, "I owe her this."
"You're pregnant! Nico will flip if something happens to that baby!" Sugar said, and then I dropped my hands and climbed off of her.
My sisters were all standing around, looking stunned, but when I looked at Brittany, she looked just as angry as I felt.
"You need to leave, Carmen." Britt said as she pulled the door open, "And Sugar, you should go too."
"I can't. I have to stay."
"Then you can sleep in the fucking hallway!" I snapped.
"San, what is happening?" Q said as she knelt down next to me and handed me a tissue.
"Nico came out of hiding because there was a threat. That's the only reason he would have gone, and she fucking sent me there without warnings or anything! She knew there was a chance he'd show up."
"Santi, my love, I'm sorry. I didn't think he'd hurt you."
"Well, you thought wrong. Get the fuck out!" I screamed. Sugar pulled her out of the apartment, and Britt slammed the door behind them.
For three days, my sisters, Quinn and Ari, slept close to me.
I'd cry out in my sleep, and there was always someone holding me when I woke up.
And after five days of being an absolute wreck, I went into the police station with Mami to give my statement to the cops.
Mr. Evans was arrested for aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.
I didn't care what the charge was as long as it stuck.
Once he was behind bars, I felt a little safer, and when Sugar showed up alone, after having given me space for a week. I actually let her inside.
"You were right; she did know he was coming. Nico didn't know that she called you to go there, and he's pissed off about it. I haven't spoken to her either; she's a ghost right now."
"I don't fucking care, Sugar. Why are you here?"
"Because she may be my wife on paper, but you are my friend. I love you, and I know that you care about me. You are more my family than them, and I'm tired, Santana. I just want to go to fashion school or the FBI. I can't do that if I'm wrapped up in the family business."
"Okay, why are you here?"
"I'm here to offer my services, hire me to do whatever, I'll cook, I'll clean...or just be your bodyguard. Maybe even your stylist...you have been wearing the same clothes for years."
"Okay, rude, I've been busy these last few years."
"Whatever, just don't cut me out because of Carmen. Please?"
"How do I know you're not just saying shit to get me to trust you?"
"Because...I'm giving you this." She handed me a manila envelope, and a letter addressed to me from Nico.
Santi, my love,
There are no words to express just how sorry I am for what you endured.
You know that for as long as we've been acquainted, even when you were Marco's girl, you were always really mine.
You followed my directions to a T. You made sure that my legacy was intact for when I healed.
As a sign of my appreciation, the attached dead has been reallocated to you to do as you see fit.
In return, I have given over ownership of the dinner/offices to Carmen. She has created a shitstorm, and I am leaving her to clean it up.
Please know that I will do everything in my power to make sure that nothing like this happens again.
-N.M.
"He's giving me the building?"
"Yes, it's yours."
"And I can do whatever I want?"
"Yes."
"Expect your eviction notice." I said to her and then closed the door in her face.
She knocked almost immediately, but I just headed back to bed.
Britt was showering while the kids slept, so I took that moment to go over the paperwork.
"Was someone at the door?"
"Yes." I said without looking up.
"And you answered it alone?"
"It was just Sugar."
"Oh yeah, what did she want?"
"To deliver this." I handed her the note, and she read it over before handing it over.
"What does it mean?"
"We own this building, B...well you do, I want you to have something to fall back on."
"Are you serious?"
"Yeah...I am."
"That's so awesome! Thanks, baby."
She kissed me, and I grinned when her fingers began to trail up my side.
"Again, B? We just had sex like an hour ago."
"I want you again."
"Well, I need a minute...this is a lot to digest."
"Okay...then I'm getting dressed."
She began to walk away, and I watched her go.
I put the papers to the side and began making the bed while she sang to herself, and then I couldn't hold it in.
"Nico let Sugar go; I told her to expect an eviction notice."
Britt came stumbling out of the closet wide-eyed.
"You're kidding...right? Tell me that you're kidding."
"Of course not...she's Carmen's wife, B."
"You didn't see her that day; she was frantic and in tears after we found you. I hate being surrounded by so many people who have gotten a shot with you, but Sugar is loyal. We can't punish her for what Carmen did."
"But B...it was so satisfying shutting the door in her face."
"Yeah, well, she slept in the hall until you were up on your feet, and I'm willing to bet that she's been keeping tabs on you this whole time."
"You're going to make me apologize, aren't you?"
"I'm not going make you do anything, baby." She raised her eyebrow.
"Fuck. So it was mean of me to deny her employment or help to get out of the business when she asked?"
"Yes."
"Fuck, fine...okay. I'll make it right."
"That's my girl."
June
"Are you sure that you'll be okay with them?" I asked B as I finished packing my suitcase.
"They're my children. I have the week off, and we'll be at Sandra's the whole time. We can swim and hang out. They'll be safe while I'm working. Don't worry."
"Okay, if you say so."
"I do say so; you need this trip, and Sugar is going to make sure that you're safe."
"She is going to cost me money. It's a business trip to Puerto Rico, but she's planning like we're going on vacation. She showed me sixteen bikinis."
"Wow."
"She's going to be super disappointed when she realizes that we are staying at a house in the campo instead of a resort."
"You haven't told her?"
"Nah...if we close the deal early and she doesn't annoy me too much, then maybe I'll spring for a resort for the last few days."
"That's sweet, baby."
"Yeah?"
"Yup. Now finish up so we can get to the airport on time."
I finished packing, kissed my babies a million times, and then left them in the daycare while Britt accompanied Sugar and me to the airport.
Sugar insisted on driving so that Britt and I could have a moment, but I could feel her eyes looking back at us.
Having her as my bodyguard/driver/companion has been a large pill to swallow because she notices way more than I ever like to talk about.
Like at that moment, she would have wanted me to tell Britt about how badly I'd been struggling since Mr. Evans and how this trip was Walker's way of giving me some distance from New York. There was also the part of my itinerary that I hadn't cleared with Britt, so I convinced her to spend the week with Sandra.
I didn't plan on coming right back...I needed more than a week away from the city and all the trauma it brought back to me, but I didn't want to burden Britt. I mean, what if I decided that I wanted to come home just a few days into being gone? Then I would have upset the groove that we had established.
No, Sugar could go kick rocks with open-toed shoes if she thought I'd disrupt our peace.
I cozied up to Britt and listened to her tell me about the workshop that they'd been putting on for the show. There were going to be some songs and numbers removed because they didn't land well with audiences and new ones added, which meant that Britt would have to work on new choreography.
She had enough on her plate; I wouldn't be the one to add more.
"How could you not tell her?" Sugar asked as she pulled a hot pink sleep mask over her eyes.
"Didn't you just end a marriage that was based on lies?" I snapped back.
"That's different okay, I loved Carmen...it's not my fault that she used me and then seduced me into thinking that staying married while she fucked my uncle was a good plan!" I glanced around after she said that way too loud, and people were staring.
But she wouldn't care if she was looking, but I did. We were about to spend three and a half hours on this plane; I did not need the judgment.
"All I'm saying is this, Britt and I have been together a very long time, and in that time, I've learned that she gets way more stressed out than she likes to admit, and that fucks with her mental state. So, I would prefer not to stress her out when I can help it...I feel like I've stressed her out enough for a lifetime."
"Permission to say I told you so when this all goes to shit?"
"Sure, but I don't think that's going to happen."
"Mmmhmm. Get me a coke when the drink cart lady comes by...I need to sleep."
She was self-righteous. It was annoying, so instead of stopping the drink cart, I put in my earbuds and began my summer reading for my upcoming English class.
I made notes and tabbed lines that I wanted to remember when she finally woke up two hours later.
"Are we there yet?" She grumbled.
"No."
"Are we close?"
I looked at my phone nodded.
"Another 45 minutes."
"Where's my drink?"
"No idea." I said as I took a swig from my own drink.
"Where'd you get that?"
"Hmm?"
"That drink, Santana. Where'd you get it?"
"Drink cart."
"Are you kidding me?"
"You were snoring like a bear. How was I supposed to know you still wanted something?"
"Because I explicitly asked you!"
"Just take the fucking drink, Sugar, damn." I gave her the soda that I wasn't supposed to be drinking anyway, then went back to my book.
"Thank you." She picked it up and then chugged it.
Felo met us at the airport, looking super tan.
"Hey, Papi Chulo! Look at you in that hat."
"Ay Mami Chula, who's that?" He said as he hugged me.
"Oh, this bobo is Sugar, she's from Lima like us, but she's trouble."
"I like trouble."
"You're still a cop; she's just getting out of the mafia."
"Oh." His face straightened up, and he stuck out his hand, all formal to Sugar.
She was practically drooling over him.
"You're gorgeous, my God...are you single?"
"Sugar, back off. You don't want my sloppy seconds."
Her jaw dropped, and she groaned.
"How is Brittany okay with you just casually being around so many people you've banged, Santana?"
"Because she knows that she owns this." I winked, and Sugar rolled her eyes.
"Are they still fucking like rabbits?" Felo said to Sugar, and she cackled.
"Yes! Oh my God, Santana calls Britt Daddy sometimes and don't even get me started about the shower sex. It's a wonder they even get clean."
"Alright, okay, that's enough, you two."
They shared a look and then were cackling together.
While they did that, I checked in.
Just got in!-Santana
I immediately got three messages in return.
We miss you already! Have a great trip-Britt Britt
Great! Close this deal like only you can and find a meeting-Walker
CuĂdate, mi Amor-Mami
We'd cut out seven days to close this deal with the coffee and sugarcane plantations.
The plan was to get Felo to take us to the other coffee sellers on the island looking to do business on the mainland.
But as we sat in his dining room surrounded by people drinking and playing dominos, he broke the news to me.
"They've already agreed, Ana...this is really just them getting to know the gringa that wants to do business."
"I'm not a gringa!" I said to him, and he patted me on the shoulder.
"Sure...whatever you say."
"Why'd you do this for me?"
"Do what?"
"Close the deal."
"Because people on the island need this kind of thing. We don't get money here in the same way they do on the mainland. We are second-class, so getting these people paid at the same rate you'd pay anywhere else, that's more money than they would have made trying to sell on their own."
"Wow."
"It's why I moved back. I tried to do the cop thing in Lima, but then Padrino got with your mom and retired...I was the only bit of color in the department, and all I wanted was to be here. Helping to teach people to get money and education like they're entitled to as American citizens."
"That's dope, Felo."
"Yup, I know. I have to admit that I did it for you because these people weren't going to trust yet another fast-talking American come in and take over. So, this way, everyone is happy, fairly paid, and you and Sugar can go relax on a resort."
He rubbed my shoulder as he led me out onto the back porch, the sound of the tree frogs making beautiful music. There was nothing like the Coqui; that's why people flocked to Big Pun when he used the sound in one of his songs. It's iconic and calls you home. I couldn't stop smiling...this was my culture, my home, and I completely understood why Papi never quite felt comfortable in Ohio.
How could he fully assimilate when this was here waiting for him?
When we were alone, he turned his most serious face on me.
"Pa told me about what happened last month."
"Of course he did...is that really why you did this, so I'd rest?"
"It is. Our past is ancient history; you're like a sister to me...well, my godsister, but you know what I mean."
"I do."
"You deserve the rest, and as much as Brittany provides you good sex and your children give you that fulfillment of being a parent, that's not all you are. So, go to the resort in Viejo San Juan, write music, go learn about your cultura, and get a tan."
"Gee, thanks. I want to watch Sugar suffer for a little while longer...we can go tomorrow. Is that okay?"
"Sure. I'm up in the main house; you two will have this one to yourselves for the night. Don't do anything that I wouldn't do."
"Eww."
"So you're telling me that you've never hit that?"
"Of course I have, but I feel for her, what you feel for me. She's become the annoying little sister that I didn't ask for."
"Good. Well then, I'll clear everyone out. You should call your wife and kids instead of hanging too much with Sugar's drunk ass. Stay out of trouble, and I'll see you two in the morning."
"Sounds like a plan."
I took Felo's advice to heart.
When we went back inside, she showed a surprising Spanish aptitude as she kicked ass at dominoes. I wished everyone goodnight and took my ass right to my room.
Being the only sober person in a room is never really fun anyway.
I called Britt just in time to sing to the kids while they laid curled up with B.
They all looked exhausted.
"Did you have a good day?" I asked B, and she grinned.
"We did; the whole family was here. We cooked out and swam."
"How'd they do in the pool?"
"Izzy is fish, but Dani was scared the whole time."
"Her genes will kick in soon enough. Marco was a swimmer in high school."
"We'll see. So how are things in Puerto Rico?" I grinned when she rolled her R. It seemed everyone's Spanish was better than mine.
"The deals are closed, so tomorrow we are going to hit the resort in San Juan and relax."
"Nice. Then what?"
"Actually, B...I need to be honest about something." I said, but she held up her hand.
"Sing them to sleep first, and then we can talk. Okay?"
"Yeah, sure. That's fine."
I sang to my babies and watched as Daniela fell asleep first. Britt handed the phone to Isaac so she could put Daniela in her crib. My son's eyes were drooping, but he kept opening them back up and staring at me with a silly grin on his face.
When I stopped, he pouted at me, and I stuck out my tongue, so he did too.
"Go to sleep, Papa."
"Sing, Mami." He said.
So I did, and he was out by the end of the first verse. Everything went dark, and then there was shuffling. Britt's face was back.
"He fell asleep hugging my phone. He misses you."
"I miss him too."
"Which is why you won't prolong this trip, right?" She said, her face suddenly serious.
"What?"
"I know you, Santana." Full first name...crap. "The deal is done, but you are checking into a resort. Next, you'll tell me that you wanted to go to Lima after this. Right?"
"Uh. Yeah, I was thinking about it."
"You weren't thinking. I saw your tickets. I've been waiting for you to tell me."
"And I was, but I...wasn't sure I'd need to go to Lima."
"I'd believe you if you'd gotten a return ticket to New York, but you didn't."
"I'm sorry, B."
"I'm not trying to fight with you. I'm just worried about you."
"That's just it. Everyone is worried about me. I need a break from it all."
"What about your birthday?"
"What about it?"
"Are you planning to come home for it?"
"I'm not sure."
"You need to come home. I don't want any more time away from you, and the kids deserve to have you here with them."
"Okay, I'll come home."
"Don't do it because I'm making you feel guilty."
"No, you're right, B. I'll take this time here to recover a bit, and then I'll come back."
"Six days. That's it. Come home after. Please?"
"Fine." I gave her my best smile, but I knew that she saw right through it.
"I love you, baby."
"I love you too."
Everything after that call felt like a death march. Made worse by Sugar seeming unaffected by her hangover. The moment Felo came to pack us into his truck, she'd been jumping up and down.
It was obnoxious.
Then the whole hour ride to San Juan, she talked about all the things she was going to do.
And I just smiled and nodded until I couldn't take it anymore.
"Now THIS is more like it!"
"Keep saying shit like that, and I'll cancel the reservation." I snapped at Sugar as we pulled up to the resort. "I'm sure Felo wouldn't mind hosting us longer. Right?" I said to him, and he smirked.
"Sure, you ladies are welcome to stay in the guest house for as long as you need."
"No thanks, we don't want to impose. We can get a shuttle to the airport, so we won't be disturbing you or your family." Sugar said from the backseat.
"That's what I thought." I snickered, and she groaned. "What was that?"
"Nothing. I'll be on my best behavior, damn."
Each day, I called the kids and sang to them, and each day when Britt said she'd see me in a couple of days, I agreed.
Sugar wasn't even thrown by my sudden excitement about going back to New York.
So when we got to the airport, and I offered to check our bags, she was none the wiser while she waited.
I told her to listen to her music, and she agreed; it was almost too easy to get her on a different plane.
Which is how we were an hour into the flight before she realized we weren't going to New York.
Or so I thought.
"I can't believe you lied to her." She said to me out of nowhere.
"What?"
"Brittany. You lied to her, and then you tried to rope me into this."
"I did NOT." My voice rose much louder than I intended, and she flinched. "Shit. Sorry."
She didn't say anything, just smirked before turning her head towards the window and ignoring me.
Her lack of argument should have clued me in, but it didn't.
She trailed behind me when we got to Dayton, and then as we got down to the arrivals entrance, I knew why.
My wife was standing there, waiting for me with roses and a slight smile on her face.
"B! Hi, what are you doing here."
"Did you really think you could set up a meeting with your business partners, and my dad wouldn't call to ask me if I was bringing the kids?"
I turned to look at Sugar, but she was hugging my father-in-law.
How could I be so stupid?
"Are you mad?" I asked.
"Take these flowers; I'll grab your suitcase." She shoved them at me and then took my carry-on, I thought she'd walk away from me, but she held out her hand for me to take.
Once my hand was in hers, she gave it a quick squeeze and then pulled me along.
I felt like an idiot.
Rob dropped us off at the apartment without a word to me.
Great.
Britt handed Sugar the key to one of the downstairs apartments before taking my hand and leading me up the steps.
I'd forgotten that I'd given up our old apartment until we got upstairs, and Britt went to Quinn's old place.
She held the door open for me, and I walked inside ahead of her.
Tor was sitting on the floor of the living room, playing with the kids.
I got down and opened my arms. "Hi, my babies."
Isaac saw me and screeched. "Mami! Mami!" He threw down his blocks and came over to me. I swallowed him in a hug and kisses, then I pulled in my baby girl.
Britt was right. How could I just leave them? They weren't the problem...everyone else was.
"You don't have to stay with them right now if you have plans. Between Dad and Walker, I know you have a busy schedule planned." Britt said to me with her arms crossed. "I just wanted to make sure they saw you."
"Thanks, B." I said as I stood up with my baby girl in my arms.
She held her hands out for Daniela, but the baby shook her head, choosing to bury her face against my neck instead.
"Are you hungry?" She sighed.
"No."
She looked me over and then looked past me. "Tor, can you keep the kids out here for a second? I need to talk to Santana."
"Yeah, you have me for another half hour."
"That's all we need." The moment that she finished speaking to Tor, Britt turned around and stormed towards the bedroom.
When I stepped inside, I was prepared to defend myself, but Britt took off her clothes.
"What are you doing?"
"Lock the door. We can argue later about how you fucking lied to me again. Right now, all I want is to fuck you into that mattress."
"And if you don't want to?" I stood there glaring at her because way too often, she fucked me through an argument... and got my orgasm clouded brain to agree with her, and I was not falling for that.
"What do you mean?"
"I'm not going to let you manipulate me through sex. I fucked up, address what you feel, and have this fucking argument with me."
"Whoa, why are you being mean?" She actually looked hurt.
"Because, Brittany, I was just assaulted last month, and sex is a touchy subject for me. I need more than you trying to fuck my pain away. You and your sex therapy habit are part of what I needed a break from. Just because it's worked in the past doesn't mean it will work for me at this moment. I've changed, and I need you to see that...please?"
She pulled her clothes back on without a word.
I hadn't meant to snap at her, but she couldn't see it from my point of view, and damnit, I needed her to.
I left the room and sent Tor home after hugging her a bunch and then giving her half of my flowers.
My nerves were a wreck as I built a giant tower with Isaac while Daniela laid in my lap, holding onto my boob. She was still severely attached to them even though the milk had finally dried up.
Britt came into the room and got on the floor with us.
It was just the four of us building stuff with no extra conversation outside of whatever the kids babbled on about for a while.
We did that until the alarm went off on Britt's phone.
"NAPTIME!" She said and then got up and did a silly dance. Isaac and Daniela happily followed her out of the room, mind you, they've never gone down for a nap willingly for me...just Britt.
There was a megaphone from across the street, and while it'd been a while, I would know Cheerio practice anywhere. We'd always had practice six days a week when we were going to Nationals.
I poked my head into the nursery. Daniela was already drooling in her crib, but Isaac was sitting in Britt's lap with a mask on.
"Oh no...is it bad?"
"Just a precaution after flying. His doctor said we should do it for two days before and after a flight."
"Smart thinking. Would you be okay with me heading over to check out Sue's newest routine?"
"Go for it. I saw it yesterday, could use some of your flair." She seemed distant, and I didn't like it. I went closer, rubbed at Isaac's head, and then kissed Britt's face. "Just because I don't want S-E-X doesn't mean I don't want to be intimate in other ways. I still love you, Britt. I just need time...like you did after your surgery."
"I get it. Go enjoy the practice. I'm taking you guys out to Breadstix tonight, and then we're meeting mom for ice cream at the Rage Cage."
"Oh, nice."
She gave me a smile finally, which made me feel better about leaving.
As I left the apartment, Walker was coming up the stairs. We hadn't seen each other since after I got out of triage. When our eyes met, I could tell that she was concerned.
"How are you?" She said as she leaned back against the wall.
"I'm okay. We closed the deal. I sent you an email about all the semantics."
"Good. How about you specifically? You've been forwarding me calls."
"I'm sorry about that."
"How long are you staying?"
"Depends on how long it takes me to visit all of the Beans. Are you available this week?"
"Sure, Charlie is with my parents for the summer. Just came from dropping him off, actually."
It was always weird to me how the Cheerios season ended after the school year; it was always hard to keep track of the last day of school since I was still going there every day.
Charlie, being gone for the summer, threw me for a moment.
"What are your plans for the summer then?"
"Managing the businesses. Staying clean."
"That's it?"
"Yup, why, got another plan?"
"Actually, I noticed that you never finished your real estate and business licenses. Is there a reason for that?"
"Money and time."
"If you're interested, I was wondering if you wanted to spend your free time getting those?"
"I do have time, but money is still an issue, Santana."
"It's not. Sal set up continuing education scholarships for our employees, which you are one of."
"I thought those were just for Bean and Rage Cage employees."
"No, it's for everyone. I know that Rob is planning to brush up on the newest construction techniques."
"Well, in that case, I think I'll take you up on that."
"Awesome...can you connect with Rob and see what his schedule looks like. I'd like to visit all of the Beans this week."
"Okay. Want to hit up a meeting today?"
"I'm going to check out the Cheerios, and then I'm having dinner with B...not sure if I'll have time."
"You have time." Britt said from behind me. I turned around and sighed. "Don't get irritated; I heard voices out here and was hoping it was Dad coming to see Walker."
"Well, he's not out here." I said, then turned back to Walker. "I'll see you in a bit...don't want to miss practice."
It was a shame that hanging out with Sue was preferable to hanging with Walker or Brittany, and I wasn't ready to think about why that was.
We came back from Lima together as a family, just four days after I had detoured there.
From the moment we touched down, I told Brittany that I needed to go stay at Sandra's until I felt safer being in the city.
So Sugar would be staying in the city to get into F.I.T. while I worked on music in Sandra's gated community.
Britt didn't even put up a fight.
At least not to me.
One second, Sandra was amped to have me in the house with her, and then when we got there, she handed me a set of keys and told me that it would be better for everyone if we stayed in the guest house.
She did, however, take my kids from me so that we could have some time alone.
As we unpacked, I could see that Britt looked surprisingly upbeat.
"Did you ask Sandra to put us in here?"
"Yup."
"Why?"
"We're married; we need our privacy. It's one thing for you to hideout here because you feel unsafe; it's another for you to upend our marriage."
"Upend? You sound like Quinn."
"She's just as much my friend as yours." She was defensive, which meant that she had absolutely talked to Q. "Before you go calling her, though, this was my therapist's idea."
"Right, I should probably go see Amy at some point."
"I made you an appointment for Friday afternoon."
"You did what?! Without asking me?" I snapped at her, and she just sighed as she looked at me like I'd lost my fucking mind. Maybe I had; her being in my face from the moment I got off that plane was starting to annoy the shit out of me.
"Do you want me to cancel it?" She gave me that spacey look, and I swallowed back my attitude. She was over my shit, and I didn't blame her.
"No, B."
"I guess we are having this argument then...I've given you space for the last few days while you handled business, but obviously, it's time to talk."
"What's there to say?"
"Nothing, yet." She dug through her purse and then handed me a multi-strip cup. "I need you to take that first."
I looked down at it and then back up at her. "You don't believe that I'm sober?"
"Prove me wrong." She said, and I nodded, gripping the cup tight as I headed to the bathroom.
When I went to shut the door, she pushed it back open.
"I had more privacy in rehab, Brittany."
"Don't care."
She watched as I peed into the cup, then I screwed the lid back on and handed it to her.
I didn't bother moving. There was no point.
"Want to talk while we wait?" I asked her, but she wasn't paying me any mind as she watched the various strips change. "I guess not."
"You've been so off lately. I know that after Mr. Evans, you've been distant, but...this is something more, I'm sure of it." She sounded like she was thinking out loud.
"B?"
She finally looked over at me.
"Yeah?"
"Please don't tell my sisters about this, good or bad."
"Why not?"
"It's embarrassing."
"I'm not going to run to them, but I expect you to not lie about this."
"Yeah, I know."
I wiped myself and then flushed the toilet. When I put down the lid and sat on top, Britt handed me the cup back.
"What do you want me to do with this?"
"You're sober."
"I know that."
"But you didn't fight me on taking the test."
"There's no point. If I fought, you would have thought I had something to hide."
The drug test did to my attitude what Britt hadn't managed to; it calmed me the fuck down.
I felt ashamed even though I'd remained sober.
Just like Mr. Evans reminded me that I was a whore, Britt reminded me that I was a junkie.
"I'm sorry that I lied to you about going to Lima, B."
"Why did you feel like you needed to? If you had told me, I wouldn't have had a problem with it."
"No?"
"Of course not; as long as you had Sugar with you, I felt okay with you going off to handle your business. I wish you'd trust me."
"I do trust you, B."
"You don't. Not with your heart."
"You've broken it before."
"I know."
"Look, the truth is that nothing feels right since that day. My head feels cloudy most of the time, and everything bothers me."
"Including the kids and me."
I dropped my head and looked away as tears came.
"Sometimes."
"I'm sorry that you feel like that."
"Me too. I don't want to feel like this...even seeing Walker did nothing for me. I feel so fucking stuck and depressed."
"I know...I see you, baby. That's why I scheduled Amy...you need her."
"Can we lay down and cuddle?" I asked, and she grinned.
"Sure!"
After I washed my hands, she took my hand and led me straight to bed. She texted my sister, and then we curled up in bed.
I felt at peace in her arms.
There was so much that I needed to work through, but I couldn't shut out B...because if I did, there was no way I'd stay clean.
What I wasn't saying to her at that moment was that just because those tests were clean doesn't mean that getting high wasn't the first thing that I thought about in the morning and the last thing I thought about when I went to sleep.
She wasn't ready to hear that, and I wasn't ready to say it.
Not just yet.
