Love Me Anyway (P!nk feat. Chris Stapleton)
Santana's POV
I tried to sleep, but the drugs rushing through my veins wouldn't let me.
My tears dried up while Britt continued to snore; it felt like I was barely breathing, but I had to keep moving.
I got out of bed and got dressed in the clothes that I had just taken off, then grabbed my keys.
Even though I felt like the worst person alive, I still leaned over and kissed my wife on the lips.
She smiled in her sleep, and it nearly broke my heart, but I couldn't stop moving.
Instead, I left her lying there, in her drunken stupor.
As I made my way out of the room with my phone in my pocket and my sneakers in my hand, a door down the hall cracked open.
I froze at the top of the steps and waited, but no sound came.
Then the door closed, and I waited for a long moment before finally tiptoeing down the stairs.
My phone buzzed as I slipped on my shoes.
Should I worry?-Q
How did she always fucking know?
I stared down at the message with my nose leaking and my hands shaking.
The last time I left Quinn and went off on my own, I'd been raped and beaten.
While I was about 99% sure that there wasn't anyone lurking on the other side of the front door, I wasn't taking a chance.
I trusted Q more than I trusted anyone on the planet.
This time, if I was going to fuck up, I was going to be smarter.
Yes.-San
"Let me come with you." Q's voice came from the top of the steps, low enough to not wake my wife but loud enough to stop me from just walking away.
I looked up at her and wiped at my nose.
"I need a hit, Q. You sure that you can handle that?"
"Better I go with you then Celia or Britt...or you out on your own."
"Come on then." I said, pulling open the front door and stepping out into the warm night.
It wouldn't be the first time that Quinn let me get high with her by my side.
I just wish that had been the last time.
"Which one of us is soberer?" Q asked with a straight face which actually made me laugh.
She looked perplexed, but I mean, come on, we were adults asking questions that we used to ask in high school.
"Nose test?" I asked her, and she nodded, because of course, that made sense.
We walked along the curb and touched our noses.
I stumbled almost immediately, but Quinn kept her straight face and did it with ease.
"Forever a top." She said, and I rolled my eyes, tossing her the keys before heading to the passenger side.
I waited while she adjusted the seat and mirrors. Britt sat so much further from the wheel than either me or Quinn.
Finally, she pulled out of the driveway.
"Do you even know where we're going?" I asked her as she made her way south.
"No, I figured you'd be soberer, but I'm concerned that you were going to leave like this."
"I can sober up when I need to."
"What did you take?"
"My script...just more than one."
"Why?"
"I'm feeling...too much."
"Wanna talk about it?"
"Not really."
"Are you sure?"
"I don't want to fucking talk. Turn right here."
"Wait, we're not going on the highway?"
"No."
"Where are we going?"
"Rochester."
"Who lives there?"
"Nico."
She looked at me with wide eyes but didn't say another word; instead, she let me direct her.
Forever a top, my ass.
I'd never actually been to Nico's house; I just knew where it was.
Knowing him, though, I was prepared for the heavy security presence, especially in the middle of the night.
We pulled up a tree-lined driveway and then were stopped by a random ass gate.
A guy stepped out of the shadow of a tree...seriously?
"Who the fuck is that? San, where did you bring us?"
"I already told you."
"Are we going to die?"
"No, just let me do the talking."
There was a knock at the driver's window, and Q put it down immediately. The barrel of a gun was pointed at her.
"Santana." She said, her voice panicked, and the gun was pulled away.
The person pulled their hood down and grinned.
"Hey! Oh my God, Quinn, if you could have seen your face! How you doin' girlie?" Sugar asked, and I rolled my eyes. "What the hell are you two doing here?"
"I need...a hit." I said to Sugar, and she glared at me but spoke to Quinn.
"Quinn, take her back home."
"Sugar, please. I don't trust anyone else's stuff. Everything in the city is Dr. Cray. I need the pure stuff...please...I'll do anything."
"I bet you would; look, I can help you. There no need to wake up Nico. He's been in a mood plus little man is asleep."
"Okay."
"Come with me...Quinn, keep the car running but turn off those headlights."
"Wait, where are you two going?"
"To the office, just wait here; you'll be safe." Sugar said to her, and Quinn glared.
"If she's not back in this car in ten minutes, I'm calling everyone." Q threatened, but Sugar smirked.
"There's no need to panic, blondie. Just relax, I can see you from the office. No one is going to hurt you."
I left Quinn behind and followed Sugar to the office that blended in perfectly with the trees.
Once we were inside, Sugar pressed me back against the wall.
"Strip."
"We don't have to do this." I said to her, trying to smile.
"I do. Nico will have my head; it's bad enough you have that ankle monitor on. Clothes off, or I don't give you shit."
"Fine."
Standing there in the near darkness, with my clothes in a metal drawer while I let Sugar tie a tourniquet around my arm was a low point.
"Don't you just have powder?" I whined when I watched her prepare the needle.
"This is all I have down here, but I already told you where to get more."
"I'm not fucking with that operation. I told you that."
"It's your place, Santana; you can go there anytime."
"Britt would know."
"Where is she now?"
"Passed out."
"Right. Look, I hate that you're back to this, but I know what Trent gave you is making you sick...I know this will hold you over longer than those pills you're taking."
Sugar slid the needle into my arm with practiced ease, then she hit the plunger, and I threw my head back.
"Fuck!"
"I can smell your neediness...sure, I can't do anything about that."
"No...fuck...I'm m-married."
She pulled the needle out and then released the tourniquet.
A little bead of blood was on my arm, but she cleaned it with alcohol and put a hello kitty band-aid on top.
"All done. Get dressed."
I stumbled through getting my clothes on, even though I was so fucking wet.
My body was humming, everything seemed crystal clear, and Sugar's smile was way too inviting.
Everything felt weighted down.
"What can I do to get more?" I asked, and she shook her head.
"You can't give me what I want, Santana. Brittany will have my head. We both know that."
I pressed her back against the wall and felt the cool hardness against my skin.
She'd gotten faster with her gun; it was pressed to my side.
"I don't want trouble."
"Don't do that shit. You...need...to...back...up." Gone was the silly Sugar smile.
This was a killer; I stepped back and put my hands up.
"I was just playing."
"I got pistol-whipped for not protecting you from Cray. I don't play anymore. Not with junkies."
The pain of her words cut through my high. I turned and ran from the office, only to run straight into a fucking tree.
"Santi, my love." The tree was Nico, and he held me steady as he looked into my eyes. He then brushed a finger under my nose. "You're high as a kite, but no bloody nose...hmm." He lifted my arm and saw the band-aid. "I'll have her head."
"Nico, don't. It was all she had."
"It's not. She's a fucking liar. My fucking niece can't be trusted."
"SUGAR!" He called and out stepped Sugar, looking sweet again.
"Nico, I thought you were asleep."
"Nobody comes on my property without me knowing."
"Right, sorry she woke you. I gave her a hit and was about to send her on her way."
"Santi isn't some junkie on the street, Sugar. I don't care what time it is. You bring her inside to me."
"I didn't want to wake you."
"Come here."
I stood there, feeling so unsteady, while Sugar hesitantly approached Nico.
He gripped her by the collar and lifted her off the ground until they were face to face.
"The only reason you still breathe is that I deem it so. What did you give her?"
"Heroin." She said, and I bit my lips, knowing just how my body would be all night long.
Craving more while it itched so much that it burned. My breathing was also going to suck hard, but I had time to just enjoy the heat under my skin.
The rush of heat between my legs made me squirm next to Nico, but he wasn't paying me any mind while he scolded Sugar.
She was close to crying now, but she kept her chin up.
"Give me your piece." He said, dropping her. Sugar was scrambling from the ground, then she handed Nico her gun. "What did I say the last time you dropped your guard protecting her?"
"That I would live to regret it."
"Letting her get high on smack isn't protecting her, is it?"
"No."
I jumped back when Nico smashed the butt of the gun against Sugar's face.
She dropped like a stone, and so did my heart.
Even blitzed, I wouldn't see someone else hurt because of me. I threw my body across Sugar's and thought of all the times that my mother had done this for me.
But Sugar didn't have a mom or anyone else to protect her.
"Stop!" I screamed, and Nico chuckled.
"Santi, she's as worthless as they come."
"He's right." Sugar rasped with a labored breath. "Let him kill me, Santana."
"Santi, my love, she's fucked up for the last time. Either you let me make this kill right here with mercy, or I turn her out on the streets with nothing. Do you know how much she's cost me?" He kicked her again. "Where's my ROI, Sugar?" Another kick. He had a fire in his eyes, but he was deliberate in his kicks; not a single one hit me.
"I'll take her! Just stop, Nico. Fuck! How much do you need in return?"
"You really want to take ownership of her?" He asked with another kick, and Sugar curled up even more.
"Yes, please...just stop hurting her!"
"Do you see the difference, Sugar? See how she's willing to throw herself in front of your worthless body? Hmm?" He landed a kick to her one last time, and she groaned beneath me. "Fine, but this is your last chance. You can bind yourself to Santana, but if she gets hurt again, not even she can stop me from finishing you off. Get your shit and get the fuck out; you work for her now. If you do her wrong...it's the end of the road."
Sugar groaned from the backseat while I fiddled with the radio.
Quinn kept asking questions, but I didn't bother answering them...all I needed was a song.
A good one.
"What the fuck happened?" Q asked, but I kept searching for a song while Sugar held my shirt against her face.
I finally found a song and turned it all the way up, not thinking about just how loud it was or the fact that Quinn always needed to focus while driving.
We pulled into my driveway and up to the front path.
Britt stood there with her hair sticking out all over and a concerned look on her face.
I stepped out of the car and ran for her.
"Ana, baby, what's going on?"
"I need you, B."
She gripped my chin and looked into my eyes. Then she looked behind me. "Why is she here?"
"Who?" I asked as I felt her up, but she just stepped around me to block Sugar's way up the pathway.
"Why are you here?" She asked her.
"Ask your wife since I belong to her now." Sugar sounded tired as she came to stand by my side.
"Ana, what's going on?"
"You said you wanted a dog...I got you a bitch." I said, and Sugar growled at me. "See!"
"Let's go inside, B." Q said, as always being the voice of reason.
Britt took my hand and pulled me with her without looking back.
Sugar took my other hand and walked as close to me as possible.
Even high, I'd saved her life.
Now that she was mine, as Nico put it, I would be way safer...as a bonus, she knew the best places to score.
But I'd keep that part to myself.
Brittany's POV
Ana seemed so proud of herself when she climbed into bed that night.
My head was pounding from all the drinking, but I had to push that aside.
I had woken up to a text from Quinn.
She's with me. I'm worried.-Q
My mind was racing; had I said something to her in my drunkenness that set her off?
Was she sober?
If not, was it my fault?
When I went to wake up Celia, she was sitting in the guest room on the phone with Quinn.
"What's going on?" I asked her, and she looked pissed off.
"My sister was looking for drugs; Quinn went with her. They're somewhere in Rochester now. Santana left the car, and now Quinn's sitting there waiting for her to come back."
"Left the car? Why would Quinn just let her out of the car?"
"She left with Sugar."
Grady's words came back to me.
If there was anyone who had fucked my wife that I didn't trust, it was definitely Sugar seconded only by Marco.
Priest or not, his obsession with Ana couldn't have just disappeared by saying a few prayers.
"She needs to go find her!"
"They're in the woods, Britt. Sugar knows the place; if Q goes out in the woods, she might get herself killed. Sugar told her to stay put."
I held my hand out for the phone, and Celia sighed, handing it to me.
"Thanks." I said, and she huffed.
"As soon as I marry her, I'm moving her far away from this bullshit."
"I was thinking the same thing." I said back, and she gave me a sad smile.
Right then, I knew, to Celia, the bullshit was my wife...there was no way to run from the person that caused the drama...if you were the person.
"Hello? C?" Quinn said.
"It's B."
"Brittany, shit. I'm so so sorry."
"What's going on?"
"San is on her way back to the car; we'll be home soon."
"Great. I'll be waiting outside."
"Okay."
Sugar rinsed her face in the kitchen sink while Ana stood with the freezer door open.
"They went off into the woods together, and then I saw Nico walk past the car towards where they went. I heard Santana yell, then they came to the car and didn't explain what happened." Quinn told us, and Celia looked ready to explode.
"Let's go to bed...I think you've helped enough tonight." Celia said, and Quinn just nodded along without saying anything else to me.
"Ana, it's late...let's go to bed."
"Can we fuck? Did you bring the new toy?" She asked with her head still in the freezer.
Sugar was leaned against the sink, watching Ana like she was all that existed.
My wife was only in her sports bra, and it irritated me that she'd taken off her shirt to give to an ex.
Then Sugar moved towards her, reached around, and grabbed an ice pack.
"What's she on?" I asked, and Sugar looked at me and then back at Ana.
"Heroin."
"What?!"
Sugar flinched and moved closer to Ana. "My uncle already beat my ass for it...please...I was just...fuck, I'm sorry." Her face crumpled.
My wife closed the freezer door and took Sugar into her arms, petting her hair and kissing the unharmed side of her face.
I blinked over and over, trying to wake up from this dream that made no fucking sense.
What the hell was happening?
Ana looked at me. Actually, she glared at me.
"Be nice, B. I got you a pet...right, Sugar?"
And Sugar actually nodded.
What the fuck?
Ana grabbed Sugar's hand and pulled her right past me up those steps.
I followed behind them, feeling like I was still in a weird dream.
But then Ana made a bed for Sugar on the couch in our room before coming over to me.
"Ready?"
"To talk, yes, what the hell is going on?"
"No silly, to fuck...remember, I asked about your toy."
"We are NOT having sex with her on the couch, Santana."
"B, come on, it's not like she hasn't seen me naked or heard me moan. Don't you want me?"
"Not like this."
"Please, B."
"Look, Britt, she's not going to shut the fuck up. Just get her off and knock her out so we can all get some sleep." Sugar grumbled before pulling the covers over her head.
My wife took off the little bit of clothes she had left and pulled me into the bed.
It was like the twilight zone.
Grady's voice was swirling in my head.
And then there was Sugar, a few feet away, who knew what my wife tasted like.
We lay in the bed with the lights off, and Ana hovered above me.
"Please, B?"
"Can we sleep...I don't like this." I whispered to her.
"Please?"
"I'm red, Santana. Bright fucking red."
"Oh." She wilted and curled against me. "I'm sorry, B. I'm sorry sorry sorry." And then the tears came, but I didn't mind them; if the alternative was some kind of cuckold situation with Sugar, I'd take her tears.
If I had known back when she was taking those abortion pills that she'd spiral this bad, I wouldn't have filled that prescription.
She needed Amy and Dr. Clover...this couldn't happen again.
Heroin was beyond a limit that I didn't even know I had.
I woke up to gagging and turned on the side lamp.
Sugar sat at the edge of the bed with a bucket and was holding Ana's hair back.
"Go back to sleep; I got it."
"I'm her wife; that's my job."
"Well, it's my job now. Relax, I got her this way; I'll make sure she comes down safely."
I laid back down but kept the lamp on and rubbed Ana's back.
She reached back and took my hand in hers, then squeezed it three times while gagging into the bucket.
When she was done, Sugar put it to the side and wiped her face.
"Stop." Ana snapped, and Sugar flinched back.
"Sorry. Here, drink this." She shoved a bottle of water at Ana, and she shook her head.
"I need more." She said, sounding hoarse.
"No, you don't. Just water, come on...the dehydration will be worse in the morning if you don't drink this now."
Ana nodded and finally drank the water.
Then Sugar grabbed the bucket just in time for Ana to get sick all over again.
Through all of that, Ana still held my hand.
Was this the new normal?
Had she gotten herself a wrap-around?
When I first started elementary school, I had one of those to make sure I made it through my school days without hurting myself or disrupting the class.
At least this wrap-around had a gun; I could give her that much.
Once she had more water, she turned her back on Sugar and curled back against me.
I watched Sugar take the bucket to the bathroom and listened as she cleaned it before returning to the couch.
Ana, though, was snoring next to me like nothing happened, so I turned off the lamp.
I could hear Sugar tossing and turning on the couch and couldn't resist asking.
"Will you eventually tell me what happened?" I asked the darkness.
"She saved my life. Nico was going to kill me; she threw herself over my body. Bought my contract from him, so I'm hers now."
"What does that mean?"
"It means that I'm her bitch, Brittany. If I don't do right by her, he'll have my head."
"You're his niece."
"I'm his niece who fucked his wife and tried to pass off his kid as my own. I'm his niece who let a woman under his protection get raped and beaten."
"But you're not a dog."
"I'll be whatever she wants, Britt. She saved my life, after everything, even high off her ass, she protected me, and that means something to me."
"So what now, you go where we go?"
"Yes."
"What if I needed you to be with the kids?"
"If that's what's needed, I'll do it. A life as Santana Lopez's bitch is heaven compared to what being Nico and Carmen's lackey has been. Do you know how hard it's been to see a woman I loved ignore me? I lived out in that fucking office, guarding his house against absolutely no one. She was the first visitor in months. He's deluded himself into thinking he's Al Capone."
"Who?"
"A bad mobster."
"Oh."
"I know it's weird, but from what I know of the two of you, this isn't the craziest thing you've been through. Just don't put me on a leash...I'm not into that."
"What if I needed you to do something for me?"
She sighed.
"What do you need?"
"No needles. Ever again. I don't care what she says; that can't happen."
"I promise. That won't happen again. Nico would kill me, and I'm pretty sure you'd find a way to get that time machine working and kill me too."
"That's a thought."
Santana's POV
I woke up with the worst hangover in an empty bed.
Sugar sat on the couch, dressed in Britt's clothes with a bruised face.
I watched her while she played on her phone for a bit, and then I finally sat up.
Her head popped up. When she saw me moving to get up, she was on her feet with her hand out to help me in seconds.
"Take your time; you don't want a headrush."
"Did last night really happen?"
"Obviously." She snarked, and I glared. Then she flinched like I was going to beat her. What the fuck had Nico done to her.
"You don't need to be afraid of me." Once I was on my feet, I felt dizzy, and she was there to hold me steady. "Where's B?"
"She left to get the kids and take Quinn to see Beth."
"Oh."
"What can I help you with?"
I looked her over and then scratched at my arm until the hot pink band-aid fell off.
"More." I said to her, and she shook her head.
"I don't have anything on me."
"Bullshit."
"I promised Britt no needles. It's the only thing she wants from me; you have to let me honor that promise."
"Fine. Can you help me to the bathroom?"
"Sure thing."
"I need you Sugar, Cray gave me that drug, and now I get sick."
"Are you bullshitting me?"
"No. I have a prescription opioid and everything."
"Then take that."
"I snorted two pills last night...then you gave me smack."
"Exactly. You've had enough."
I nodded and then shut the bathroom door in her face.
Fuck her.
Snorting a drug versus swallowing a pill always hits different and is by far more dangerous.
But I was angry, so I went straight for my pill counter, only it wasn't where I'd left it.
I banged open the cabinets and checked the trash can, and each time it didn't appear, I would let out a yell.
When I went to lift the tank of the toilet, the door handle popped open.
I turned, expecting my wife to be glaring at me, but instead, it was Sugar, with a fresh face of make-up.
"You left your phone on the nightstand; Britt is having lunch with your mom and the kids before heading home."
"Oh...okay. You broke in just to tell me that?"
"Also, to give you this...it's not a lot because I had to leave in a rush, but it should help you come down better."
She looked around the bathroom, at the mess I created, and then back at me.
I put the lid back and then walked towards her, feeling the heavy sluggishness in my limbs.
When I reached for the vial in her hand, she covered my hand with hers, holding me in place.
"Sugar, please?"
"You're better than this, Santana."
"Please?" I was crying; the snot was dripping onto my lip as my body shook. I could feel nausea coming. "It h-hurts."
"This won't make it better."
"You're a d-drug dealer; shouldn't you want me to be hooked?"
"I stopped doing that after I married Carmen. I'm just a runner, a lackey...well, I was."
"Please?"
She let my hands go and began to clean up the bathroom without another word.
I stood watching until she looked back at me with a raised eyebrow. "If I were you, I'd hurry up. Your sister is still in the house."
The bathroom door was still open, but I didn't have time to concern myself with that. Instead, I poured a bump onto my hand and sniffed it.
It hit me so hard that I had to sit down.
"What was that?" I asked, and Sugar shrugged.
"Nico's personal stash...little goes a long way."
I wiped at my nose with a tissue and then let the energy take hold of me.
This was the kind of shit Nico had been holding onto, the more potent shit that made him the kingpin for so long.
His stuff was so good that Dr. Cray had been doctoring up his drugs to try to compete.
Only Nico's was cleaner.
My nose didn't bleed; I was floating.
He'd left the game when Carmen got clean, but his stuff still filtered out from time to time.
And I knew right then that I needed more.
Sugar had made yet another stupid mistake by giving me what Nico had always kept from me, but I wasn't complaining.
When Britt got home, I was still flying high; it was lasting longer than any other bump I'd ever had.
Celia had left for Sandra's, so it was just Sugar and me.
I was playing a chaotic melody on the piano while trying to lead Sugar to find the key.
But she was tone-deaf, so it wasn't working.
"Mami!" Isaac called, and my heart began to speed up. I couldn't catch my breath.
They weren't supposed to be around me like that.
Britt had sent the kids in before herself, so she hadn't seen me.
Would she know?
Sugar stopped trying to sing and intercepted Isaac before he got to me.
Britt came in with Daniela in her arms, but one look at me and her head tilted just so.
She was reading me, then she glared at Sugar, then looked back at me with heartbreak in her eyes.
"I hate this." She said.
"Sorry sorry sorry." I said, moving closer to her, but she backed up.
"No. I'm taking them to Sandra's. They can come back when you're sober."
"Britt, wait!" I called after her, but she just barked at Sugar.
"You're coming with me."
"What about me?" I called out, and Britt stopped in the doorway, her back to me and her voice cold.
"I'll deal with you when I get back."
Brittany's POV
Once the kids were buckled in the car, I turned on Sugar.
"What the fuck did you give her?"
"Something to help her come down."
"What was it?"
"Coke cut with Vitamin B. It's what Nico used when Carmen was trying to quit. As time went by, he upped the Vitamin B and lowered the coke until one day she didn't get the same rush as she used to."
"And you think that will work?"
"I do."
"Does she suspect that it wasn't pure?"
"No."
"I knew that you and Nico had something planned; I didn't think it would be this."
"You can't have figured it out, Britt...so you have to be mad at her. You need to be exactly who you were before you left that room."
"Why?"
"Because if she thinks it's fake, she won't trust me. For this to work, she has to trust me...that I'm here to be by her side."
"I don't like tricking her."
"But you've done it before; you know how stubborn she is. You know how she rebels just to spite people; we both want the same thing. Everyone does; we all love her, and if that means we have to love her more than she loves herself, then so be it."
"Take my kids to Sandra's. It's saved in the navigation. Stay there until I send for you; she needs to know I'm serious."
"What are you going to do?"
"You have your secrets, and I'll have mine."
"Say less."
