Finally (James Vickery)


Brittany's POV


January


From the moment Ana dropped off Snix and told me she was going to rehab with zero contact, I had been worried.

Everything was so fragile with Izzy, and no contact with Ana would be hard for him. I tried to work out how I would handle my son. I took way too many pills in high school that killed my inhibitions, so ideas just came to me, but now, leveled out, I was just like everyone else. Anxious, Scared, and Overthinking.

For hours, I cleaned every inch of our apartment and washed everything I could find, hoping that my mind would come up with something, knowing that if I couldn't think of anything, I'd have to ask my parents for help.

They'd stayed at our house in Scarsdale for over a month and made it feel more like home. I hadn't cleared it with Ana, but the plan was for my parents to spend half of their time living in Lake George and the other half in Scarsdale after we move to L.A.

Ana had let her mom live in the midtown house, so it didn't seem like it would bother her if my parents lived in our house, it was another thing that I'd have to discuss with her when she was finally home.

Dad had work to do in Lake George to begin preparing for the Spring, and Summer rush, so their plan was to spend all of Saturday with the kids and then drop them off before getting on the road early Sunday morning.

When they called me to go over the plan that night, Mom knew right away that something was bothering me, so I was honest with her about how anxious I was about the next 30 days.

Suddenly, they changed their plans, saying that they'd keep the kids at the house for the night, claiming it was because they were headed home the next day and wanted all the time they could get with their grandkids. They went on to talk about how they'd exhausted the kids all day long and didn't want to bring them home cranky.

Mom said they were already walking around like zombies, so there wouldn't be any tantrums that night, but I was afraid once they were home, that would change.

When the kids were at home with just me, it seemed that's when they missed Ana the most. Dani would only sleep in bed with me and cry if I left her alone for a second, which was manageable, compared to Izzy, who would go mute or become enraged. He'd take off his glasses and throw them across the room, kick and punch, demanding to see Ana.

Therapy was helping him, he'd been better for the last few months, but that was because he knew that she'd be there on the phone to sing to him each night.

Ana choosing rehab had been something I wanted for her, but I didn't expect them to cut her off completely.

Even though she didn't know it, her being in our daily routine made doing this alone a little easier.

I had been doing my best to shield Ana from most of the issues that had come up since Izzy came out of that coma because she carried enough guilt; I didn't want to pile it on.

Letting it slip that they were in therapy made me feel like I was back to hiding things from her. Still, it was more about dealing with the trauma she'd caused than being sneaky, and I could tell that she understood that.

Through talking with my therapist about how angry and betrayed Ana had made me feel after she stepped out on our marriage and then did something so reckless that Izzy spent over a month in the hospital, I've come to understand that her addiction is more powerful than her willpower.

She had been trying to survive, using old tactics, and I don't blame her for that.

I was working hard on just trying to hope for the future while ensuring the kids wouldn't feel the effects of what she'd done.

But Izzy did.

A kid his age shouldn't be depressed, but he was.

He was also very nervous about any sudden changes; he'd started spiraling out anytime that Ana didn't call him precisely on schedule, so I knew that 30 days of no contact was going to cause a major meltdown.

For months, I had been doing the single parent thing without complaint while taking help only when people offered, or I HAD to be somewhere.

Mom and Dad coming for December and half of January was a big help, but they had other priorities to get back to.

They ran the diner in Lake George, and Dad still managed the Ohio and New York properties. They'd taken all of their grief and put it into making the world around them beautiful and spending time doing all the things they couldn't afford to do when I was younger. Not having Court around still made them ache deeper than I never wanted to imagine.

I had shoved my feelings about losing my little sister into a compartment that I only opened on her death date and birthday. Other than that, I locked it up tight because I didn't have time to fall apart.

But I could feel my breakdown coming, and the last thing that I wanted was for it to be at the same time that Izzy's was.


That night, as I lay in bed with Snix curled up beside me, I called Ari because I didn't want to be alone. Lately, she'd become more my friend than Ana's. We ate lunch together every day and practiced before and after hours to help her strength and endurance.

Ana had been keeping her at a distance on purpose, too ashamed of what she'd become to let her oldest friend in, but I'd been taking up the slack. I was grateful for the place she had in my life.

Ari likes to say it's because she carries my bone marrow, so we are like the same person now; it makes me feel like I have a sister again.

"Hey, B!"

"Are you busy?"

"Um...no?"

"Are you sure?"

"Well, I may have been in the middle of...well...rubbing it out."

"You could have lied." I rolled my eyes, wondering how long she could make it through Gloria's vow to wait until marriage.

"I didn't want to. You know I'm dating a nun, right? Lying is kind of a big deal to her, even the little ones."

"Would you maybe want to come over and have a dance until we drop kind of night?"

"Lonely?"

"And worried, I need a distraction."

"Can I bring Goli?"

"And make me the third wheel?"

"She's probably going to watch us and poke fun the whole time."

"Sure, bring her."

I took a quick shower and then made some popcorn while I waited for Ari to show.

And when she did, she was solo.

"Where's Gloria?"

"She said TriBeCa is too far from her church, and she likes to go to early mass on Sundays."

"You don't go with her?"

"Sometimes, but even when I do, it's like being alone because she won't even touch me once we are within a block of the church."

"Right, well, I've been there. It takes time to accept yourself; the church is sacred to her."

"I know, which is why I didn't guilt her into coming like I wanted to. Jesus comes first. I come second."

"Actually, you don't come at all." I teased, and she punched my arm.

"I do alright on my own."

"If you say so. Since it's just us, let's get this party started."

"As long as it's a ballet competition first."

"I did take 15 years of ballet, Ari...you sure you want that smoke?"

"Bring it on."

"It's already been brought!" I did an arabesque and then winked at her as I began to push the furniture aside.

It felt good to have some adult time, and Ari helped me see that I needed to stop carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.

We danced and ate popcorn until we couldn't anymore.

Then she camped out on the couch because she refused to sleep in bed with another woman, and I passed out with Snix curling up on top of my head.

When I finally rolled out of bed, around 8 on Sunday morning, Ari was gone but had left me pancakes and coffee.

She'd also left a note that I hoped would solve my problems.

Decided to go to mass anyway. Call the sisters. It might be time for a Sunday dinner ;)-Ari


Even though I had been cutting off the Lopez family for half a year, except for Celia because she lived in the building, I knew that it was time to make a few calls.

Mari was back from saving the world, so all three of Ana's remaining big sisters were in the same place at the same time for the first time in over a year.

And it was Sunday.

"Hey, Britt!" Celia said when she opened her apartment door. Salsa music spilled into the hall as she let me inside.

About six different easels were taking over the living room on top of paint-covered tarps.

Quinn sat on the sofa with her feet propped up, eating a plate of bacon while she studied, but when she saw me, she closed her book and looked me over.

"Hi, B. What's up?"

"Ana said she has her phone in there, but I tried to call, and I can't get through."

"Because they have a phone blocker. Her phone is only good for apps at the moment."

"That sucks."

"What do you need? Can I help?" Q patted the couch beside her, but I wasn't there to see her. I turned to Celia, who was about to slip on headphones and begin painting again.

"Actually, I need Celia."

Ceily looked up at me in confusion.

"Sup?"

"I need your help."

"What can I help with?"

"Izzy isn't going to do well being cut off from Ana. Seeing her sisters more often might help him more than I can. You all look like Ana, and he seems to need anything that reminds him of her."

"Oh...okay, I can do that...what did you have in mind?"

"Is it too late for a Sunday dinner?"

"Shit, no, it's not. We've meant to, but I don't think anyone took the initiative. Sandra's barely unpacked, and Mari lives in a studio apartment which is too small to hold us all."

"Then we can do it upstairs or in Scarsdale. I don't care where it happens; I just need him to feel safe. The last time he had a tantrum, he curled up in a ball in our closet, hugging her pants. He's started banging his head on things...I'm just scared for him." I was crying as I thought of my son suffering without his Mami.

Celia was up in a flash, pulling me into a hug and rocking me. It was weird coming from her, but I soaked it up. "I'll call the girls. I know your parents are headed to Ohio tonight, but maybe they can leave tomorrow. Let's not change too much for him too fast."

"Okay."

"And, I know he's young, but maybe consider asking Sandra to take him for a bit."

"That's what Ana said."

"Well, she knows him best. If she suggested it, then Sandra must already be okay with it."

"Is that fair to Dani, though, sending him away and leaving her to have only me?"

"That kid loves attention and performing. She will love having all of your focus on her. Trust me, Dani will be just fine." Q after shoving another slice of bacon into her mouth.

"Okay...yeah...okay." I finally sat down next to Quinn, who was chomping on her bacon and watching in amazement as Celia took charge.

"She's hot when she gets bossy." Q said as she watched Celia on the phone with her sisters moments later.


I leaned my head on her shoulder, and she wrapped an arm around me.

"How was Ana when you dropped her off yesterday?"

"Calm. I think she is going to be sober for a long time, B. This time feels different."

"I really hope so."

"Me too."

"Q?"

"Hmm?"

"I hope you have the happiest pregnancy this time around."

Her body went stiff, and she shared a look with Celia.

"It's still early, B. Ana guessed too, but I'd really like to keep it between us for a while. Okay?"

"Of course, but you may want to be a little less obvious about how much you are shoving into your mouth."

"That's what I said!" Celia joked as she ended the call. "Dinner's on, everyone's coming here...Luce, babe, don't look at me like that. You are acting differently. Of course, your friends noticed. You have to do better around my family, especially Mari."

Quinn's face was in full glare, and I kissed her cheek, breaking her evil look. "You'll be amazing, just take it easy...and watch your cholesterol."

"Are you seriously giving me medical advice?" Q asked, looking offended.

"I've been there through two pregnancies, where Ana took shitty care of herself. I know more than you think."

"She has a point, Luce; maybe take it easy on the bacon." Celia said.

"You wanted me to get pregnant, knowing I'm trying to graduate a year early, so YOU don't get to harass me about how I do it."

"Oh crap, I forgot to feed Snix...I gotta go." I patted Quinn's flat stomach and then kissed her head before heading back upstairs.

From the look in Celia's eyes as I was going, she would handle things the way I did when Ana was hormonal and mad.

Sexy times...and I wanted to be as far from that as I could.


When Mom and Dad got to the apartment, the Lopez clan, except Gladys, and Hector, were there.

Izzy lit up when he saw his cousins, and for the first time in a while, he wasn't searching for Santana.

"Thanks for coming." I said to them after we finally sat down to eat. Thankfully, Sandra had brought the food, so all I had to do was set the table and get the wine.

"It's long overdue, Brittany; if Mari or I had been here these past few months, we could have helped more, but we're here now. All you have to do is ask."

"That's hard for her. I've been downstairs this whole time, and today was the first time that she admitted to needing real help. She shouldn't have to ask; our sister can't step up right now, so we should be." Celia said, then Mari raised her glass.

"To familia, and stepping up."

"Salud!" Everyone said, and then I waited until I had Sandra's attention.

"Would it be okay if Izzy stayed with you for a while, Sandra?"

"Absolutely! I can take him for as long as you need."

"Until Ana gets home." I sighed. "It's not what I want, but I think it's what he needs."

Sandra took my hand when my words turned to tears.

The kids were thankfully out on the patio having a picnic dinner with Quinn, and my parents, so I felt like I had permission to break a bit finally. Even though it was January, it was warm outside, with the heaters on.

"His therapist says that he may carry this experience with him for a long time. The tantrums are every day. Sometimes it's because Dani got to a toy first or won't play with him...but most times it's because he wants Ana. Gladys told me that I shouldn't let her see them on video." The sisters, including Celia, looked at me in annoyance, but I knew it was because of Gladys.

"I need to have a talk with her about the things I've heard." Sandra said, and Mari nodded in agreement. "She likes to say she's doing what Papi would want, but I don't think that's true."

"Well, I made sure video calls happened because I wanted her to have hope, and I wanted them to know that she still was there. Every day when she was able, Ana has sung them to sleep...or read them a story. It is the only thing that gets Izzy to behave."

"Bendito." Mari said. "You're doing your best, Brittany."

"I'm trying. I put them in therapy because they need that support. Not being able to talk to her for 30 days scares me. He recently started banging his head on things and acting out in school...I don't want him to hurt himself or anyone else. Seeing you girls is as close to his Mami as he can get. Even though it makes me feel like a failure, I need help from you girls."

"Oh, Britt, if I had known it was this bad, I would have put him in front of an easel and just kept him a little each day." Celia said, probably more so her sisters who hadn't been here wouldn't jump down her throat.

"I don't blame any of you. You have your own lives; they are my kids; I love them...and I signed up for all of it, but I went into this with a partner. I thought I could handle it on my own, but I can't."

"We've got you, Britt. I'll take him until she gets out. We will start having these dinners at least once a week, get all the cousins together, and give your kids that sense of family that's been lacking for too long." Sandra said.

"Thank you." I felt so relieved.

After that, we talked about happy things, Celia's upcoming show, even though I could tell she wanted to talk about her and Quinn. She kept looking out at the patio with a smirk on her face. Then Sandra told us that she's staying in New York for good since Johnny was retiring from football. Then Mari started telling us all about Honduras and Colombia. Her face was lit up, but Saul just pushed around his food with a sneaky look on his face.

Then she looked at him.

"Should we?" She asked, and he smirked.

"That's what I was waiting for."

Mari stood up, turned to the side, and undid her jacket, revealing a baby bump. "We are expecting, again. That's why we came home so that Norah and this little bundle can be close to family."

And that's when I remembered.

"Ana and I are moving to LA in May."

All eyes were on me all of a sudden, except for Celia; she already knew but had apparently stayed quiet about it. The baby news from Mari probably had her wishing it was time to share her news, but she knew better than to cross Quinn.

This is why she didn't tell anyone about our move because she only knew about it because of Quinn.

Mari smiled..."You'll love it there, don't worry about losing your help; we still own property out there, so maybe we fly out once a month and make dinner as a family."

"Are you volunteering my jet? Fuel is expensive." Celia said, looking insulted.

"We sure are, sis, since you obviously knew this and didn't tell us. Besides, you can afford it. Unlike us, you don't have kids to worry about." Sandra scolded.

Celia blushed but glared at her sisters, "That's rude, first of all, and second, I only know because I'm marrying into the unholy trinity. My fiancé can be evil, and I have no plans to cross her."

The patio door opened, and Quinn stood there, with a glimmer in her eyes as she looked at Ceily, who winked at her. Obviously, the patio doors weren't soundproof.

Good to know.

Izzy took that opportunity to come inside, headed straight for me with his Lopez glare.

"Did Mami call?" Izzy asked with his arms crossed over his chest and eyebrow raised.

Santana Jr. all the way.

"No, Izzy, she's sick. No calls for a while, okay."

He stomped his foot.

"Not OKAY!" He screamed at me, then he stormed over to me and hit my leg. "Call Mami, now!"

I grabbed his hand as he lifted it to hit me again. "Hitting is not okay, Isaac." He froze when I called him by his full name.

Then he went boneless and fell out on the floor.

"Ignore him, Britt. Eat your food, don't feed into the tantrum." Sandra said. As hard as it was, I turned from my son, but his screams only got louder, and my patience was only so strong.

"I can't ignore him for long." I said to Sandra, and she was up in seconds, lifting him from the floor and cradling him in her arms.

"No, Titi Sun...you not Mami...I want Mami!" He hiccupped, but unlike when he was with me, he did not hit or kick.

"I know, Papa, but she's sick."

"Izzy sick." He said, rubbing his chest.

"No, you're just sad...and so is your Mama." He looked over at me as I let the tears track down my face, and his expression softened only for a second.

"Call Mami." He pleaded with me. "You sad, you call Mami."

His solution seemed so simple, and I wished that was all it took, but this was an impossible situation.


I thought that Dani would feel upset when I packed Izzy's things and put on his shoes to leave, but she hugged him tight, then kissed his face before having me pick her up.

Once Sandra and her huge posse left, with Mari right behind her, only Celia, Quinn, and my parents remained.

Q and Ceily cleaned the kitchen while eye-banging each other, and I joined my parents in the living room instead of watching.

Dad pulled me into a hug.

"We're going to head home. It's a long drive; we'll call you when we get there."

"What's the rush?" I was lonely for adult company, but I wasn't going to call Ari again, and everyone around me was coupled off. Dani was already drooping on my shoulder, which meant I'd be bored too soon.

"Your mother has her book club in the morning, and God forbid she miss it again." He rolled his eyes.

"Hey, be nice Robby, you know how sacred those ladies are to me. They have made moving upstate a breeze, plus I think that if our daughter needs us, she'll say so." Mom leveled me with a look like she was waiting for me to speak up, but that was so hard these days.

"Can you stay, just for a few more days?" I said to her.

"Now, was that so hard?" Mom said, with one arm around Dani and the other around me. "We were watching from the patio, you broke down a few times, and we are concerned about the way Isaac conducted himself. Why didn't you tell us how bad it is?"

"I tried to take care of it on my own. I'm a mom; I'm supposed to know what to do."

"Oh Brittany, sweetheart, most of the time, parents are just winging it. There's no perfect way to be a mom. Your kids usually lead the way and your partner. You've been so strong, but I can see that you've really just been packing all your feelings away. Santana wouldn't want you to do this alone. I'm glad you got her sister involved. It was very mature of you."

"Gamma?" Dani said, leaning out of my arms and reaching for her. Mom smiled softly as she took Dani into her arms.

"Yes, Dani?"

"Go, night night." She said, pressing her face against Mom's neck.

"Well, you heard her. I'll get her washed and in bed and let you know when she's ready for nighttime prayers."

"Thanks, Mom."


Dad had been hovering behind mom, trying to let her handle me, just like always, but he patted me on the back once she walked away with Dani.

"Let's go have a chat."

I followed him out onto the patio and sat down in Ana's favorite chair, hoping that this wouldn't be yet another lecture about my medicine.

Dad pulled a chair across from me and then took my hands in his.

He didn't look like he wanted to lecture me; this was something else entirely.

"Dad, I am under enough stress. Please don't tell me you're sick or something...I can't handle it."

His smile was warm, and he shook his head.

"No, my love, this is a check-in and not a lecture or a death announcement."

"Okay."

"I trust that you are taking your medication; I know you've been going to therapy, but what I also noticed is that you have not allowed yourself space to grieve, Courtney."

"Dad, please...I can't." I wanted to wipe away my tears, but instead, I dropped my head.

"Eh Eh, look at your old man." I looked back up at his crystal blue eyes, the same as mine, and tried to blink the tears away. "You lost your sister, Brittany, and then got married and helped Santana through her sister's death, addiction, and so much more. Therapy isn't the only time that you need to be releasing your feelings. So talk to me...please?"

"I miss Court. She'd be going to high school this year...she wanted to be a Cheerio and have her own trinity. She won't ever get that."

"No, she won't...it pains me every day that she has a list of never evers."

"Yeah. I talk to her picture sometimes, or I talk to the kids about their Auntie Court. Dani asked to see her, and I showed her a picture; she stared at her for so long, then kissed the picture. I feel like Court had so much to do, and it was stolen because of a stupid allergy. It's not fair, Dad."

"No, it's not. I miss her every day. She needed me more than you did, or that's what it felt like, but these last few years, I've realized that you needed me to."

"Yeah, I do. Being a parent is hard." I chuckled, and he nodded.

"But it's rewarding even when you feel like you suck at it."

"It just feels like Izzy blames me for Ana not being around. I know he's 3, and I shouldn't take it personally, but I do."

"I've been there, as a kid, you clung to your mom like a spider monkey."

"Rude."

"I couldn't even hug you half the time because you only wanted her. I took it personally, too."

"But it wasn't."

"Yeah, I know, and eventually, I realized that your mom needed that love just as much. Her postpartum was severe, she was on medication for a long time, and she hit the bottle a little hard, but thankfully, it never got as bad as things are with Santana."

"Thank God."

"She was hurting, and it must have called to your soul because you didn't like her out of your sight. We brushed it off, didn't get you therapy or her any therapy, so it became unhealthy pretty fast. I slept on the couch because you took over the bed. It's a wonder that Courtney was ever conceived. Honestly."

"Gross."

"What I'm saying is that Isaac can sense Santana's need for him. He feels protective of her, and his feelings towards you are just him lashing out because he doesn't understand why she can't be with him."

"I've tried to explain."

"He's too young to fully understand. He loves you. When we took him out yesterday, he kept saying, Mama's favorite this or that. When he saw a tall blonde girl, he called her Mama. So, don't let it discourage you when he acts out, he just feels powerless, and he's lashing out at the person who is usually the other half of his Mami."

"It feels like he hates me."

"But he doesn't. Just like you didn't hate me...right?"

"No. I love you, Dad. So much."

"Exactly."

"Right now, my fear is that they'll find another reason to deny her visitation. What if I end up going to LA alone with two kids, in a new city...how can I do it?"

"Brittany, if that happens, trust me, you won't be alone. Your mom, for the first time, is a housewife. She's just hanging out and filling her time with the book club and tennis. You heard her; if you need help, you just have to ask. She would be more than happy to go with you until Santana gets cleared."

"You think so?"

"I know so."

"Okay, that's a relief."

"I think, though, that she's doing the right thing, staying 30 days, and really committing to the treatment to combat her deficiency. I don't think Gladys is going to stand the way again; while I agree that what she did was hurtful, she did the right thing."

"Don't ever tell Santana that unless she says it herself, okay?"

"Oh, of course, I know better."

"Good."

"How is everything else? You've stopped cutting, and you are managing your anger, right?"

"Yes, Dad."

"And what about that Grady fellow?"

"He's in jail dad, he got wrapped up in that Dr. Cray stuff and the Nico stuff...he won't be bothering us for a long time."

"Good. What about that girl, the redhead?"

"Frankie?"

"Yes."

"She's seeing someone new, but she has been keeping it to herself. We aren't really close anymore. She's taking my leaving the show personally."

"So you've been faithful to Santana?"

I nodded, "For the most part."

"What?"

"It was dumb; Carmen came here to make sure that Santana was getting clean and staying away from her husband. Then she kissed me because she said it was to even the score; it was weird. I didn't like it."

"Did you tell Santana?"

"No. There are some things that I realize now are only hurtful. I don't plan on going after Carmen, and I am 100% sure that she doesn't want me either. Telling Santana would only hurt her."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I know her, and she'd only then expect me to tell her that I was leaving her for someone else. I don't want to do that to her again, especially right out of rehab. I found out after Ian died that he and Santana slept together at least twice while we were dating. She never told me, and I'm glad because I would have hurt her badly at the time. He wanted her as his wife, and he was a threat, but she knew that telling me would fix nothing. She wanted me...so when it comes to Carmen kissing me for less than thirty seconds, she doesn't need to know."

"And if it gets back to her, do you want to chance a break up over something so small?"

"You're right, I know that...when the time is right, and we good...I'll tell her."

"Good girl, secrets only breed resentment."

"I should get that put on a t-shirt."

"Or tattoo it to your forehead."


February


I was served with a notice to appear in court to hear the judge's final verdict fifteen days before Ana was supposed to finish rehab, and I felt nervous.

They said the final verdict would come through after she finished probation. So I called my lawyer, and he explained that the agreement only called for her to go to rehab for 15 days, and her probation would be completed.

Staying another fifteen days was a choice that she made outside of her probation, but no one had explained that part to me, so I had to take another day off of work.

I told Frankie, and she hugged me really tight, wishing me all the luck in the world before sending me on my way.

Dani was at school that morning, and Izzy was still in Westchester with Sandra, so at least I didn't have to worry about finding someone to watch them.

Even if Ana were granted visitation, it wouldn't start until she finished rehab, so there was no point in getting the kids riled up. I had learned, though, that going in alone or just with Quinn wasn't enough for me.

So, the night before I had to go to court, I called a meeting of the Lopez sisters and asked them to go with me to the courthouse.

I didn't know if Gladys was going to be there, but I hoped that if she was, having her step-daughters, who she treated better than Santana, around might help her keep her mouth shut.

Quinn was dealing with morning sickness, and class so she wasn't available to come with me anyway. The Lopez sisters, though, met me at the courthouse with a bunch of hugs.

Having them with me felt so good, and I hoped that Ana seeing them would make her feel good too.

When we went into the courtroom, Ana sat at the front with her head bowed as she prayed her rosary, and Gladys sat at her side looking stiff as she looked through a folder.

My lawyer sat on the opposite side of the room, with his feet up on the chair, tossing a hacky sack up and catching it.

I was willing to bet his playfulness was what was making Gladys feel so annoyed, but his playfulness is why I chose him. He called himself a viper, but he was more like a teddy bear. He sent gifts for the kids at Christmas and seemed to be really invested in making sure that Ana was ready to get custody back. He had talked me down when she was denied visitation, telling me that her mom probably knew something that hadn't been disclosed.

Her reputation was apparently cutthroat, and that wasn't just against the opposition; it was with her clients too, and he wanted to keep her from attacking me.

Ana looked good. Because of her treatment, she had to keep her weight up, which I loved. Her normally shiny, long hair was cut to her shoulders, and her hands were shaking...actually, her whole body was. She was wearing a sleeveless blouse that was a little snug on her and had on crocs.

That alone made me nauseous.

Santana Lopez did NOT wear crocs, Gladys obviously had just brought her the first things she found, but even she wouldn't be caught dead in crocs.

I didn't have a change of shoes, but I could fix her shaking. That wasn't what the judge needed to see, so I took off my jacket and walked up behind her as she prayed; I draped my jacket over her shoulders, and she flinched.

Gladys glared at me, but Ana looked up and smiled.

"Thanks, Britt Britt."

"That's what I'm here for. Look, I brought you a cheering section." I watched as she turned to see her sisters all looking her way, she stood up, and one by one, they hugged her and whispered to her.

Her posture was straight after that; having a cheering section gave her confidence. Bringing her sisters had been the right move.


The final verdict was fair this time.

When the judge asked Gladys for her input, she declined, saying she would agree with the judge's decision, and offered no further opinion.

Beginning the day she left rehab, Santana would be allowed supervised visitation with the kids three times a week for 45 days; during that time, she wasn't allowed to live under the same roof as the kids. Visitation could be supervised by an official of the court. She looked to Gladys and my lawyer when she said that. So they'd need to be there...great. Barring any negative reports, she would regain joint custody on April 1st.

I swear, I thought the judge was going to say April Fools, but she just smirked and said, "That's no fooling." We all laughed, except Gladys, who had a stick firmly up her ass.

Having a clear path forward felt like a miracle.

Izzy and Ana would come home on the same day.

She'd go to Scarsdale, and he'd come back to TriBeCa until it was time for all of us to be together again.

After we were dismissed, I went straight to her and pulled her into a tight hug.

"We need to get to your probation hearing; make it quick." Gladys said to my back, but I didn't pay her any mind. Instead, I kissed Ana's head and held her until she was ready to let go.

When she looked up at me, she was smiling so wide with bloodshot eyes.

"I prayed so hard, B."

"I know."

"How are they?"

"They miss you. Izzy is with Sandra until you get back, and Dani is happy. Having Snix has really been good for her. Now Snix hisses when I hug Dani."

"Oh goodness. Izzy was bad when we couldn't talk?"

"Not bad, just scared." His therapist had been clear that calling him bad was not a good thing. Even if the hitting was still happening at Sandra's.

"Well, soon enough, I'll get to hold him in my arms and make it all better."

"Thank God. This is amazing."

"I worked so hard, and Mami was right; I needed this time. I don't like how she did it, but I appreciate that she did. This morning on the way here, she told me all about a few family dinners she wasn't invited to and how much it hurt. We are the only family that she has, so I need you not to punish her...I can do that all on my own."

"Okay. I'm sorry."

"Thank you, B, and don't be sorry...it's fine. She needed the timeout but, she'll behave with my sisters altogether. You don't need to go above and beyond to make her feel included; just a dinner invite is enough."

"Okay, I can do that."

"Beso?"

I leaned in and kissed her lips, forgetting for a moment that we were surrounded by her family and that we were in a courtroom until at least two people cleared their throats.

We laughed as we pulled away from each other, and it felt like we were finally on the right track.

I stood to the side as she hugged all of her sisters again and walked out of the courtroom behind her and Gladys.

They headed to criminal court, and while I had only taken the morning off, I knew that I needed to be there for Ana.

"Where are you going, Britt?" Celia called to me.

"She has her final probation hearing; I need to be there."

And the sisters, being amazing, decided that they also needed to go.


Santana's POV


The family court had been way less scary than the criminal court.

People were walking around in handcuffs and chains with cops holding their arms.

"Mami." I put my hand on her arm just outside the courtroom door. It was the first time I had touched her on purpose in months, and she stiffened even more than she already had been.

"Santana, whatever you're going to say, can it wait until we are done in there?"

"It can't. Look at me, please?" She looked at me, her eyes stormy, as she tried to keep her composure.

She looked at her watch and then back at me. "We have ten minutes to get in there; this judge is no-nonsense."

"You were right. I needed more of a foundation for my recovery. In your own way, you were the best mother that you know how to be."

She sniffed. "I am a good mother."

"Mami, we have our differences, but this need to throw up a fortress around ourselves is something we have in common. I just wish you had talked to me; first, the courtroom wasn't the place to hear your real thoughts for the first time."

"You're right. That's what everyone in the parenting class said; I just wanted to protect you from yourself because I know that I am the only one who can see the big picture and do what needs to be done."

"Maybe that's true; I just wish you let me know about things first. I am the only person in this world who loves you unconditionally, so you should treat me like a person that would die to protect you and not a criminal that you are obligated to defend."

She didn't argue; instead, she nodded.

"Indeed. I'm sorry that I blindsided you."

"Twice." I said. "You put me out when I was sick in bed, bothering nobody."

"You kept missing meetings because you were sick; I figured if you went to rehab, at least you'd still be getting to meetings even while you were sick."

"Your reasons, however noble, need to be backed up with communication first...if you want me to have a solid foundation, then you can't keep ripping the rug from underneath my feet."

"Okay. You're right. Lo siento, Nanita. I'll do better."

As we headed into the courtroom, I saw Britt and my cheering section approaching us, and so did Mami.

"You can't all come inside, just Brittany as the second parent." Mami said to them, "But you can wait out here."

My sisters immediately commandeered a bench to wait while Britt took my hand and accompanied us inside.

I sat up front while Mami gave the judge the verdict from the family court before joining me at the table.

The judge looked over the paperwork, asked a few questions about the dates I missed meetings and verified that I had been sick from my treatment.

Officer Coleman backed me up, and then boom, it was finished.

I had completed my probation without so much as one dirty drug or alcohol test; I'd completed the mandated 15 days of rehab on top of meetings, classes, and therapy.

The judge congratulated me on successfully completing probation and cautioned me that recovery was a lifelong battle that was better fought with comrades than alone.

My anklet felt a little lighter as I walked back into the hall with Mami.

Officer Coleman planned to meet us down at the precinct to remove the anklet and final patch before Mami returned took me back to rehab. I would have to pee in a cup to be readmitted.

The war wasn't over, but I had won the battle.

And when my wife wrapped me up in her arms, once again being my biggest cheerleader, I leaned close to her ear and let her know just how much I appreciated her.

"When I finally get home, we are fucking until we pass out."

She turned pink and then kissed me hard; I groaned, and so did everyone else.

Tough shit.


I was released from rehab on a Sunday morning, the day after Valentine's day.

Dr. Murray showed up in the hallway just as I was walking out with my bag stuffed with everything I'd brought with me.

"My shot is tomorrow." I said to her, and she shrugged.

"As long as it's in the sixth week, you are cleared to get it now."

"Okay, let's go then."

I booted up my phone and began getting 30 days' worth of messages, but I didn't have time to check them. I had a call to make.

"Hi, baby!" Britt said, sounding surprised.

"Hi, I'm out. Are you coming to meet me?"

"Nope. I am at your sister's. I'm here to pick up Izzy, but uh...it's not going well."

"Tantrum?"

"Yup."

"Put him on the phone."

And it felt good to say that.

"Changing this to video, are you decent?"

"Yeah, just headed to get my shot...I'm going to need someone to take me home after, just in case I get sick."

"They already told Quinn about giving you the shot today; she should be there already."

"Ok great...listen, B, give me a second to get settled, and then you put me on video, okay?"

"You got it."

I followed behind Dr. Murray until we got to a room down the hall from the rehab.

Quinn sat there, shoving popcorn into her mouth. She was chunkier than I had ever seen her, but she looked fucking radiant.

"I know I'm fat." She said, rolling her eyes. "No need to stare."

"You're glowing, Q. Compared to the first time you were preggers, you look beautiful."

"Watch yourself. Your sister has become extra jealous lately. Too many compliments, and she'll think you want me."

"Noted."

"Ana, are you ready yet? Things aren't getting any better over here." Britt sounded desperate; it must be worse than I thought.

"Yes, B. I'm ready."


When B put me on video, she looked pale and dark circles under her eyes.

And then I heard the tantrum.

"I want Mami, not you! Go away!" Isaac was wheezing. "No! No!"

Whoa.

"Izzy, I need you to breathe, buddy." Britt looked close to tears.

"No! Get Mami, NOW!"

"Isaac Aden!" I snapped, and he went quiet.

"Mami?" Britt put the camera on him, and I hated what I saw.

His curls were wild, and his face was bright red.

But his smile looked almost insane when he saw me.

"Why did you talk to Mama like that?"

He looked at Brit like she betrayed him.

"I not."

"I heard you. That was not nice, Isaac."

"Sorry." He said, with tears fogging up his glasses.

"You promised to be a good boy."

"Izzy a good boy!"

"Are you sure?"

He pouted and then shook his head.

"I hit Mama." He admitted, and I thought about Marco, how he went from a sweet Mama's boy to a fucking rapist, and I would not have my son turn out to be a womanizer.

"You don't hit, Isaac. I am not happy with you right now. I need you to use your words and talk about why you're mad. You don't hit people, especially not Mama."

"Okay." He squeaked.

"Now, I need you to be a good boy. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"Apologize to Mama."

"I'm sorry, Mama." He got up and threw himself towards B...or at least that's what it sounded like.

Dr. Murray came in with her clipboard, and I knew my time was up.

"B, I need to go. I'm going to meet you at the apartment if that's okay. I'll stay until bedtime, and then I will be staying down on 7 with my sister for a few days, is that okay? I know we said Scarsdale, but I am not ready to be in that house alone yet."

"Yeah, that's fine." She shuffled the phone, "Say bye to Mami, Izzy."

Isaac took the phone and tried not to cry again, but his lip wobbled.

"You sick? I see you again?"

Oh, God.

"Yes, Papa. I will see you when you get home."

"Home?"

"Yes."

"Mami say she go home!" He informed B.

"I heard, say goodbye."

"Bye, Mami!" He kissed the phone, and then the screen went dark.

I needed to see him, and I knew that to do that, I'd need to get a lawyer or Officer Coleman to accompany me.

And while things were tenuous between us, I figured that my mother would be the perfect person since it would mean that she'd get to see the kids too.

So, after I got my shot and was lying down to rest, I called Mami.


March


One year from the day Dr. Trent Cray assaulted me in his office, he was sentenced to life in prison.

And I got that news while eating oatmeal at the kitchen table in Scarsdale with Mami.

"How does that make you feel, Mi'ja?"

"Relieved, I'm happy it's over."

"What time are the kids coming?"

"They have therapy this morning, so Britt is bringing them after."

"Do you have plans for the day?"

"Isaac isn't feeling well, which means he will probably just want to curl up with me, so I'll probably do that."

"What about Daniela?"

"You're here too, Mami. These last two weeks, you've been sitting on the side, acting like you're afraid to interact, but those are your nietos."

"I know. I just don't want to take time away from you."

"Well, I insist that you do. If Isaac goes to you, maybe you should hold him while I play with Daniela...we'll figure it out."

Britt beeped the horn, which was unusual for her.

I shuffled into my slippers with Mami right behind me, and I heard him immediately.

"Mami, Mami, Mami!"

I pulled open the car's back door, and Isaac was red-faced; his glasses were off, and his nose was running.

"Hey, Papa, what's wrong?"

"Mami, I sick." He coughed; I pressed my hand to his forehead, which was warm and clammy.

"Okay, Papa, let's get you changed into more comfy clothes so we can cuddle on the couch."

"Okay." He whimpered.

When I lifted him up, I could see that his pants were also wet. Britt had Daniela out of the car and was headed inside with Isaac's glasses in her hand.

"Did you throw your glasses at Mama?" I asked him as I rubbed his back.

"Yes." He admitted. "Sorry, Mami."

"Isaac, that's not nice. I need you to be good to Mama."

"Sorry.", but I could tell he wasn't.

I was over these visitations, it was obvious that he needed to feel like I was not going to disappear again, and I couldn't give him that security until we were living in the same home again.

There were just two weeks to go.


Brittany's POV


I thought visitation and nightly calls would fix Isaac's attitude, but he'd only gotten worse.

Now he was becoming violent to me, Dani, and Snix.

He wouldn't touch Elmo and kept throwing his glasses when he was mad.

I felt helpless.

The sisters were all stepping up, but it wasn't enough, Isaac was out of control, and with him sick for a week, he was bordering on crazy once he felt better.

He bit a kid at school so hard that he broke the skin, I had to leave work to pick him up, and he bit me too.

I was at my wit's end.

I drove straight to Sandra's with one week left and stormed inside with Izzy making himself boneless in my arms.

"Britt, what's going on?"

I hadn't expected Ana to be at her sister's, but it was good that she got to see Izzy being overdramatic since he tended to turn it down for her.

He hadn't seen her yet, so he was having a full-blown tantrum.

Sandra came over and took Izzy from me, he immediately perked up, and when he saw Ana, his dramatics stopped.

"Mami!" He said, but Sandra intercepted him because Gladys wasn't there.

"Sis, you need to go; I'll look over the papers and call you about them later." Sandra said as she tried to hold Izzy, who was squirming to get to Ana.

"Ana, baby, go...please?"

We were not going to fuck up her visitation because of a technicality.

"I'm going to head out, Isaac; I need you to behave." She glared, and he crossed his arms over his chest, glaring right back at her as she put her coat on.

"Mami, no!" He began kicking and screaming until Sandra put him on the floor.

Ana watched in horror as Izzy put on a whole show for her, and she began to walk towards him, but I couldn't let this be the thing that made this go on forever.

"Santana, you need to leave. Now." I said to her, and she looked up at me with tears in her eyes.

"Please, B...he needs me."

"We'll call your mom and get her here; you need to be outside, though."

She took one last look at Izzy before going out onto the driveway.

Izzy stopped crying when the door closed, seeing Ana leave even with all of his theatrics going on jolted him out of it.

He just sat on the floor in a trance, calling after her.

"Mami...Mami...Mami."

Gladys had been on her way over to Sandra's anyway, so just ten minutes later, with Izzy still rocking and calling for Santana, she came inside.

She ripped off her coat and knelt down on the floor. "Come here." She said to him, and he threw himself at her.

It counted as her first visitation of the week, and most of the day was gone already, but I didn't care because he was finally calm.

Ana looked up at me with so much fear in her eyes as Izzy fell asleep in her arms.

"I'm so sorry, B."

"It's fine."

"Your cheek is bleeding. Did he scratch you?"

I touched my face and felt the sting, "Yeah." Then I pulled up my sleeve, where my skin was turning purple. "And he bit me."

Her eyes were wide as she held him tight; she was both pissed and sad. Hopefully, her parenting classes had helped her know how to deal with this because I was out of ideas.

"When this week is over, I'm going to get him straightened out, I swear." I couldn't help the flinch at those two words, her old tell for when she lied.

But I could tell she was being honest; I just prayed that it worked.


April


Santana's POV


I got up before dawn on April 1st, climbed into a cab, and went to TriBeCa.

Britt expected me to come after breakfast, but I wanted to be there when the kids woke up.

It felt so weird to walk into my building alone.

For months I hadn't really been able to come and go as I pleased. I kept rolling my ankle where the monitor used to be to remind myself I was free.

I pulled open the parking garage door and stopped short when I saw the little alcove where Nico had fucked me against the wall.

Nearly eight months had passed, and it was finally beginning to feel like that had happened to someone else.

I took the elevator up to the 7th floor, preferring to wake up Celia, and Q, than Britt. When there was no one at their door to see who was there, I took the stairs up to ten.

The surprise was ruined when I attempted to unlock the door, and my key didn't fit.

So I had to go back to 7, and waiting at the door with a hand on her small baby bump was Quinn, looking way too awake for half-past 5.

"How'd you know it was me?"

"We have a camera, I saw you get off the elevator and head upstairs, but I didn't think you had a key." She smirked and handed me her set.

"Thanks, Q. Why are you awake?"

"Studying...Wait...you had your third shot last week, and you're not sick."

"Nope."

"And the cravings?"

"I don't really have any."

"Praise." She said, sounding like Mercedes.

"I know, right? I'll see you later, Q."

"Congratulations, San. If you need me to take the kids so you can have some fun times, let me know."

"You're a real one, kid."

"Just repay the favor when the time comes." She said, patting her stomach. "And bring back my keys."

"You bet."


My hands shook when I put the key in the lock, but thankfully it wasn't from a craving, just nerves.

When I stepped into the apartment, it was so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

After slipping out of my shoes and hanging my coat, I crept into my bedroom.

Britt was curled up around my pillow with Snix on her head, and Daniela sprawled out beside her.

She looked exhausted, so I decided that the person who needed me the most would be the one to wake up to me being by their side.

I went down to the kid's room, and there was my son, sitting up staring out the window with Elmo in his arms.

"Papa?" He turned towards my voice, but his eyes were scrunched up. I grabbed his glasses from the dresser and slid them over his head.

"Mami." The look in his eyes was so sad, just like the day I had to step out of Sandra's.

"I'm home, Isaac." I reached out my hands to him, and his lip quivered.

Once he was in my arms, he clung to me and buried his face against my neck.

His crying was soft as he hugged me with all his might.

I rocked him and song close to his ear until his body went limp, and he began to snore.

With him in my arms, I went back to my room and laid down with my family, Isaac, sensing my movement held tight to my shirt.

After slipping his glasses back off, I pulled the blanket over us.

I fell asleep feeling more at peace than I had in a long time.

When I woke up again, it was to the smell of pancakes and the sound of music.

Britt and Daniela were out of bed while Isaac was still holding onto me.

I ran my fingers over his hair, and he whimpered.

"Papa, come on, time to wake up."

"Mami?"

"I'm here, Papa. I'm not going anywhere."

"Okay."

"I love you, Papa."

"I love you, Mami."