A/N: Little bit of everything. L.A. is next!


Carry Me (Kygo feat. Julia Michaels)


APRIL


Santana's POV


I stood anxiously on the elevator up to the penthouse, my body shaking with memories of a time long past.

When the elevator doors slid open, I stepped onto the marble floor that Marco had once slapped me for spitting on. I tried my best to shove down the anxiety that came with being back in a place that changed my life.

The old fireplace, where I had found the stash of drugs and files, was now covered by bookshelves, and all of the furniture was way less pretentious.

"I can't believe you actually came over here, Anita." Marco said as he came from the kitchen with a smirk on his face. "When you texted that you were headed up, I thought you were just messing with me. How did you know I was here?"

"I own this penthouse. We are preparing to move, and I was running logistics with my partners. I found out we had a tenant here for the first time in two years, and then I saw your alias...I thought it was a coincidence until Gloria told Ari that you decided to pull out of being a priest...and I just had to know what changed." He looked uncomfortable, which I'm not going to lie, I got a thrill out of. "Is it okay that I came here?"

"You own the place; I can't tell you not to come over. I'm just surprised that you're just going to jump right into it?"

"Well, I know how you don't care for small talk. I guess I was surprised that you'd want to live here again."

"This was the first home I ever had that I purchased with my own money. It was a shell of a place, but I made it what it is."

"Is that why you hated that I got it in the divorce?"

"Obviously, but then I heard it was available and offered way too much to rent it."

"Right."

"Under a different name."

"Yes, Marc Soto, right?"

"Didn't want to make a fuss."

"Of course not. So...will you tell me what changed?"

"Yes...come sit down, Anita."

"Just tell me because I don't plan on staying long."

He nodded, then walked over to one of the bookshelves, pulling out a black-bound book.

When he placed the old worn Bible into my hands, I was unsure if I was supposed to just suddenly understand.

"You look antsy. Does your wife know that you're here?" He asked as I thumbed through the pages.

"No...I...I think she's trying to trust me, and as I said, I'm not planning on staying long."

"And how's that going? Your marriage...I mean."

I looked up into the eyes of my ex-husband/abuser/pimp/dealer. I only saw a reflection of the love I saw in Daniela's eyes.

"It's only been a week; we are still finding our footing. On Sunday, we'll be having a 4th birthday celebration for Isaac at Sandra's."

"That's nice."

I leaned against the back of the couch as I came to the last page of the book, and there I saw a list...which is what he must've wanted me to see.

First were the steps of NA. He'd written check marks next to them, all the way down to 12, but then had written the 13th step.

BECOME WORTHY OF HER BECAUSE SHE IS YOUR LEGACY.

"Is this about Daniela?" I asked him, and he smiled softly.

"Over the past few years, I've had to take stock in who I am and who I want to be. I've told you before that the idea that I have offspring out in the world changed me. The fact that God's sense of humor was even greater than I could imagine, by making that child a girl, well...it put a lot into perspective. I have submitted myself to the idea that I will never take part in her raising, and that's for the better. I had a hand in raising you, and all of your potentials has been compromised by my actions. I don't want that for her."

"Me either."

"I decided to leave the church because it felt like a cop-out. I'm not worthy of being a role model for Daniela or anyone else. So, once the case was closed and my immunity deal was solidified, I decided to start over."

"By doing what exactly?"

"Taking down Trent felt amazing. He hurt my family, and he has participated in trafficking young girls, some as young as my daughter. It disgusts me, Anita. So, I have decided to use my legal knowledge and my connections to take down as many traffickers and dealers as possible."

"How?"

"Let's just say that in being a model prisoner, working with the feds for years, I have made some friends in high places."

"So no more pushing escorts, drugs, and playing puppet master?"

He came closer to me but still kept his distance as he searched my eyes.

"No. There's no longevity in that life. I want to make a difference. I want to be worthy of you and Daniela."

"Me?"

"I remember you as a kid, as a teenager, and as my wife. At no point did I do anything for you that wasn't self-serving. I don't know if I can be selfless, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't try. I want to be able to sleep at night, and frankly, I want to see my mother again."

"What you did to me is in the past. Nothing you do now will repair the hurt you caused me or the scars you've left on my soul. I loved you once, and I have seen the good in you. Shit, I birthed the good in you. Daniela is everything that we never were. She's happy, confident, and so talented. Her ear for music at 3 is amazing; she is one of the best things I have ever done. I don't think I'll ever do better than my children, and the poetic justice of conceiving her after signing those papers tells me that in releasing me from our marriage, you manifested some good."

He chuckled and nodded. "That's great to hear. I pray for your family every day, and I'm praying for your recovery constantly."

"Thank you."

"Now, tell me how things really are?"


I sat with Marco for longer than I planned to, going over all the things I'd been through since he'd "died". He laughed a lot, but he also cried.

And then I showed him a video of Daniela playing her bongos with my piano, the light in his eyes made me long for a time before all the hurt when I still believed that people were inherently good.

My phone buzzed, reminding me that there was a world outside that I needed to return to.

Where are you?-Brittany

I saw that it was past time for the kids to be picked up from school and felt the panic rise.

Shit.

It was all that she'd asked of me before she left that morning, pick up the kids.

On my way!-Ana

She apparently didn't like that answer because the phone buzzed with a call.

"Be honest with her, Anita."

I nodded and then took the video call.

The sound of Isaac screaming for me dug into my soul.

"Where are you, Santana?"

"I came to talk to Marco; I lost track of time."

"When are you coming home?" She sighed, sounding so defeated.

"Now. I'm sorry, B."

"Can you stop at the bodega and grab almond milk?"

"Sure."

"Okay, see you soon."

"I love-" I began to say, but then the screen went dark.

Marco's eyebrows were raised.

"That good?"

"Isaac is having a hard time with me not being around, and he's been taking it out on Britt."

"Has he been evaluated?"

"What do you mean?"

"You did a lot of drugs when you were pregnant with him. That's not a judgment; because of that, his mental capacity might be affected...he's a great kid, I just wonder if maybe you should just see where his head is."

"You got all of that from tantrums?"

"No. I just...never mind." He said, waving it off.

"No. Say what you need to say."

"You talk about Daniela's development and how quick she is, but you don't say those things about Isaac. He's almost 4. Developmental delays will become more apparent at this age. Look, he's probably just missing his mom, but as someone on the spectrum, you should probably check."

"Wait, you?"

"Yeah, but I didn't learn that until I was an adult. Asperger's...it's mild, but looking back over my life, I can see the signs."

I thought of Sugar and her stupid lie and then looked at Marco.

"You're serious?"

"I am. It's not the end of the world; it can be a beginning. No matter what is going on with him, it's deeper than his attachment to you, and the sooner you understand it, the better parent you become. You are their advocate. I see now that my mother and your father were mines."

"Did Papi know?"

"He did. He suggested that I need to be evaluated."

"Wow."

My phone buzzed again.

Forget the milk; Ceily picked it up.-Brittany

On my way.-Ana

Right.-Brittany

"You should go. She's never been incredibly patient."

"Thanks for being honest with me, Moncho." I said, and he grinned because I hadn't used that name since before he ravaged my life.

"Hey..." He finally stepped close when the elevator doors slid open, "Can I hug you? It's okay to say no."

"Uh...sure?"

He wrapped his arms around me, and his rich scent filling my nose. "Before you move away with her, make sure that you two are stable because if Isaac is having issues with change, a move across the country so soon after you get home will only make things worse, but if you and Brittany are stable and smart about this move, your kids can only benefit. Remember that your life isn't about just you and Brittany anymore."


Brittany's POV


My contract was up in March, but Frankie was having trouble finding two replacements because Tony had taken a job on another production, so she'd asked me to stay around to find and train my replacement.

If it weren't for Santana needing to be in New York until April, I wouldn't have said yes, but I had because I felt like I would be able to stress less with her home.

For her first week home, I had still been the one to rush home and pick up the kids because her last shot needed a booster which ended up making her sick just days after she came home.

Thankfully she seemed to bounce back before the weekend was over, so I had asked her if she would be willing to pick up the kids from daycare at the end of the day so I didn't have to rush home, and she said yes.

But then Monday came, and I got a call from Quinn, my backup person, telling me that she had picked up the kids because no one had shown up.

She said that she had called Ana, but the call didn't go through.

Immediately, I wanted to panic that something happened to my wife, but instead, I asked Quinn to go up and check on her.

When she told me that my wife wasn't home, that's when I rushed home.

I was hoping that she'd be home by the time I got there, but she wasn't.

Nearly an hour after pick-up, there was no word from her, and to make matters worse, when Izzy saw me show up without his Mami, he began to cry.

So I texted her.

When she said that she was visiting Marco, I felt angry at Ari, who had told Ana the week before that he had given up the priesthood.

I mean, what purpose was that going to serve my wife?

"Leche?" Dani asked, and I checked the fridge but the empty carton sat on the shelf...which was irritating.

Maybe Ana had plans to grab some milk, so I reminded her...but then more time went by, and after Izzy managed to calm down, Dani began to cry for milk.

Quinn sent Celia for milk while I tried to get the kids changed out of their school clothes.

Both the kids looked tired, and their crying was only making it worse.

Then after I finished giving them a quick bath and getting them into their clothes, Izzy punched my throat.

I carried him while he wailed and handed him off to Celia or Quinn before throwing up my hands.

For months I had been doing my fucking best, but I had reached my limit.

So I went into my room and tried to calm myself down but the more I paced, the more tears I had.

It wasn't fair.

All I wanted was for the kids to be happy and for my job in L.A. to start, but I still had three weeks before I needed to be there.

The rage was building up more lately, past my medication and therapy.

And I needed help beyond what I had.

So, I called my mom.


"Mom, I just...I don't think I can do this anymore. I love them more than I've ever loved anyone...but it's breaking my heart." I cried into my phone.

"Where's Santana?"

"Not here." I wiped at my face, but the tears kept coming.

"Do you need to go to the crisis center, Brittany? I haven't heard you like this since...the procedure."

"I...I...I...just need help." I was close to hyperventilating, so badly that I didn't notice how the constant crying outside my door stopped.

Mom sounded like she was trying her best not to panic, but she was failing.

The room door opened and there stood my wife, cuddling both the kids in her arms.

They looked huge when she held them, but it didn't seem to phase her even a little.

"I'm so sorry, B." She said distractedly until she saw my face. "Okay, let's go out on the patio with Titi and Dama." She said to the kids, and then she left the room.

I could hear her talking to her sister and the kids while mom talked to me.

"She's home; I take it?"

"Yes."

"Do you need me still?"

"Maybe." I squeaked as I wiped my running nose on my sleeve.

"Gross." Ana said as she came back into the room alone and shut the door.

"Talk to your wife. Call me if anything, remember communication is key, honey."

"Okay."

I ended the call and tossed my phone onto the cushion beside me.

Ana didn't bother sitting. Instead, she knelt in front of me and rubbed my thighs as she looked up at me.

"Is this because of me?" I shrugged and wiped at my face again, feeling stupid for getting so upset. I'd lost track of time a million times over, but this had hurt more for some reason. "I'm sorry, B."

"You promised that you'd be there." I finally said and watched her face drop a bit.

"I know, and I had every intention."

"At least you're sober."

"I definitely am."

"Did he try anything?"

"No. He hasn't tried anything in years...we had a conversation that was a long time coming, I didn't go there for that, but it happened."

"I am still working on trusting you...and I don't know if I can...especially after today."

Her hands stopped rubbing, her jaw was open as she tried to find words, but there weren't any.

There was banging on the patio glass, and there was Izzy, staring in looking at us. When Ana looked at him and waved, he seemed satisfied and walked away.

"Did you expect me to just sit here all day doing nothing?"

"No. I know you have business stuff to take care of, and I get that you have meetings...but the same way I had to fit my life around the kids, so do you."

"Right, it was an oversight. I should have set the alarm; it won't happen again."

"It sure won't. Your sister says she's going to start picking them up now that her paintings are finished."

"But I'm here."

"Not when it counts."


Santana's POV


For almost 8 months, I had worked my ass off to be home with my kids, and the first chance I got, I let Britt down.

So I knelt there, in total submission to her because she fucking earned it, and even though I had been working on being a bad bitch again...with B, there wasn't a need for that.

"Can we just count this as my first strike?" I said, relying on her childhood love of baseball to get her to refocus on my effort rather than my singular fuck up in almost a year.

She wiped her face and then wrapped her arms around herself as she tilted her head. I had gotten her attention. "And what happens when you get to strike three."

"IF I get to strike three, you can put me over your knee." I said, raising my eyebrow.

It'd been an eternity since that day where she'd spanked my ass after learning about me allowing Q to do it.

We'd never done it again because neither of us was in the right headspace. After so much therapy and reconnection, I felt like I could trust her to take care of me like I needed her to.

"And?" She asked, obviously needing more.

"What else do you want, B?"

"If you get to three strikes, I think you should do more to make it up to me."

"Like what?"

"A full week of you doing whatever I want...no questions asked."

How bad could that be?

"Deal."

"Fine. You have two more chances...please don't let me down."

I leaned up until I was fully between her legs, her face hovering close, but I didn't kiss her; instead, I pulled her against me and held her tight.

"Today, I made you second guess me, and I'm so fucking sorry. Let me make it up to you; I can run you a bubble bath while I take charge of the kids tonight?"

"Really?" She looked so excited.

"Yes...and then, when they are in bed...we can get reacquainted."

"Wanky." She said, and I kissed the side of her neck, enjoying the sound of her groan.

"I've missed you, Daddy." I growled, and she groaned again.

"Does teasing count as a strike?" She asked as she pulled back to look at me, fire in her eyes. "Because at this rate, you'll be over my knee by tonight."

"No. It only counts when it's something that breaks your trust."

"I guess that's fair."


"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!" I buried my face against the pillow as Britt held tight to my hips. She was going insanely slow as she fucked me into the bed.

"You were worried that you couldn't handle this after so long...but you're doing so well, baby love." She grunted as I kept my hands above my head like she'd told me to. "I missed this ass." She pressed her finger back there, and I tried to muffle my moans, not wanting to wake up the kids. "Are you okay?" She asked as she stopped and leaned over my body until her head was next to mine.

"Yessss."

"Do you want me to stop?"

"No."

"Color?"

"Green."

"Good girl." She kissed my shoulder and then was back on her knees, fucking me again.

I'd missed the sheer pleasure of losing control to my wife.

She started speeding up, the sound of our bodies meeting and her grunts filling the room as she took out her frustration on my body.

And I welcomed it.

"Give me...everything, B...fuck...I'm yours...please...fuck...harder!" I begged, and she growled before going faster.

I came hard, my body shaking, and she slowed for a few minutes to let me catch my breath before picking up her speed again, moving me closer to another orgasm.

"Still green, baby?"

"Yesss."

"Yes, what?"

"Yes,Daddy...fuck!"

When she came, her body shook as she draped herself over me again, rolling us onto our sides as she kept slowly stroking into me...treating that toy like it was an actual part of her anatomy that needed the feel of me.

I shuddered when she wrapped her arms around me and rolled us again so that she was on the bottom and I was on top, facing away from her towards the mirror that sat above our dresser.

My hair was wild, and my face was flushed.

Of course, she couldn't stop; I looked so fuckable.

"Ride me...slow...dance for me." She said as she caressed my hips.

So I moved my hips while I gripped my tits.

I came hard going still, but then she slapped my ass.

"Fuck...I...I just need a minute."

"You stop when I say so...keep going."

"I c-can't." I said, feeling sore and exhausted.

"Color?"

"Yellow." I whispered, needing to catch my breath.

Britt sat up and wrapped her arms around me, resting her chin on my shoulder. Her eyes sparkling as they met mine in the mirror.

"Talk to me."

"You are more in shape, B...you have to do the work...please?"

"Is that what you need? Control...still?" She looked surprised.

"Always, B...it's what makes me feel grounded. I need to feel like I'm yours...the last time that someone touched me...I felt so lost."

"Say less." She said, holding me still as she sat up completely. She crossed one arm over my chest until her hand was on my shoulder while the other arm wrapped around my waist, and then she lifted me before pulling me back against her hips. Her eyes were still on mine, and I could see just how dazed they were.

I shuddered as I came again. "Color?" She mumbled against my neck. "Can I keep going? I'm close."

"Yes...B...I'm green...baby...fuck me."

She lifted me again, making me feel like maybe I was too light, as she stood me on my feet and bent me over the couch.

"I'm going to fuck you, then I'm taking this off, and I want you on your knees like earlier, but this time, I need you to clean up the mess you made me make." She pulled out and then kicked my legs apart.

It felt good to rest my face against the couch cushion. I waited for her to push back in, but then I felt her lips on my clit and couldn't muffle my yelp. "Fuck!"

"Shhh." She warned before pressing her fingers into me while sucking my clit for dear life.

I bit down on my palm as I came again...and again.

Then, and only then, did she press back into me, working herself up to an orgasm as I laid there blissed out of my mind.

And when she came, she held my hips in place while she came down from her high.

When she came around the couch, she'd taken off the strap and was burying her fingers in my hair.

"Knees, baby." She said, so fucking sweetly.

So I shuffled to my knees while she sat on the edge of the couch and presented me with my reward. I buried my face in her lap, and this time it was her trying to hold back her moans.

I slid four fingers into her, and she began panting as I brought her to the edge before changing my angle so that I could fit in my thumb. "Oh fuck, Santana! Fuck!" She yelled, and I leaned up, pressing my palm against her lips as I fucked her with all the energy that I had left.

Her eyes were super focused on my face as she spread her legs wider than I ever could before pushing against my hand.

"So tight." I moaned, and she nodded. "Are you close, Daddy?" She nodded again, and then her eyes rolled back, and she squirted for the first time in my memory.


Brittany's POV


It was like she flipped a switch inside me.

One minute, I'm weeping on the phone to my mother, and the next, she's redeeming herself.

After our deal, she got right into being a supermom.

I doubted her at first because she always has the best intentions but has shitty follow-through.

But she stepped up right away, and then after getting the kids through dinner and bath, before putting them to bed...we took a bubble bath.

And then she asked me to take out all of my stress on her because she wanted to feel what I felt...and she wanted to feel like she belonged to me and I to her.

When she said that, I remembered that Nico was the last person to fuck her other than that one time I took advantage.

And it made me mad.

So, I pulled out a brand new strap that I bought before everything went to shit.

Her eyes went wide when she saw the size of it, but then she took it so fucking well.

She let me bend her body for hours and then still found the energy to fuck me harder than I had been fucked since Grady.

When I looked at her afterward as she licked her fingers like it was a popsicle, I hoped that never again would either of us feel the need to compare our sex with each other to sex with someone else.

I wanted us to erase all the others and just belong to each other for real.

The longer we stayed in New York, the longer we'd keep running up against memories of our unfaithfulness.

When she'd moved in with her mom, I'd rearranged the room and painted the walls because I didn't want to think of her and Nico...but it wasn't until the moment that she let me have her over and over that I stopped thinking of what she'd done.

L.A. couldn't come soon enough; I was ready to put all the bad stuff behind us.

And finally, so was she.

Hopefully.


We began having sex in any free moment that we could, and the more that we did, the easier it became to deal with my stress.

Mostly.

Izzy was still having tantrums, and Ana kept trying things she found on the internet to fix him.

She'd leave for ten minutes and come back...or she'd set a timer for them to be away from each other, but he was mostly the same.

And then we changed the scenery.

On Friday, we left the city and headed to Scarsdale to start prepping for Sunday dinner/Izzy's 4th birthday. Everyone was supposed to show up on Saturday to stay between Sandra's and our house. Still, the sisters decided to get together on Friday night.

The Lopez sisters wanted to take Ana out to dinner, just the four of them, and I did everything to prepare Izzy for that.

And he seemed fine at first, until an hour after they left, and then he began spinning in circles.

When Dani tried to mimic him, he shoved her so hard that she slammed into the coffee table and sliced her chin.

She sat in shock as the blood trickled down her face, and when Izzy saw it, he started calling for Ana.

I grabbed a dishrag and pressed it to Dani's face, but the blood was coming out too much.

With Izzy following behind me screaming about his Mami, I carried Dani into the kitchen and sat her on the counter. "Don't move." I said to her, "Hold this." She seemed happy to have a job as the tears slid out of her eyes.

I had been resisting the urge to pick up Izzy to comfort him after he bit me for the second time, so instead, I grabbed the remote and turned on the kitchen television, flipping to Elmo.

The sound of that monster got him to finally be still. Izzy just stood there and watched, forgetting for once that his Mami wasn't there.

And thank God for that.

When Ana had been made to take parenting classes, I thought it was a good idea for me to take some too...so I did. As I cleaned up Dani's cut and gave her butterfly stitches, I was grateful that I had.

Dani looked in the mirror and grinned to herself, seeming way cooler than I ever could be if I had a hole in my face.

When the episode ended, Izzy turned back to me.

"Izzy, sorry, Mama." He said, looking at me with wide eyes.

I put Dani on the floor, and he moved to hug her, but she flinched.

"No." She said, holding her hands out.

"Izzy, sorry." He said, trying to get in her personal space.

"No!" Dani, my cool and collected baby girl, pulled out her inner Santana, glaring until Izzy took a step back.

I expected him to cry, but instead, he turned back to the television. "More, Mama?"

So I started a new episode before crouching down in front of Dani.

"Are you okay?"

"Night, night, Mama."

I knew that there was no way that I could detach Izzy from the tv and get Dani upstairs in bed, so I picked her up and rocked her in my arms. At the same time, Izzy watched Elmo until Ana walked in the door a half-hour later.

And the whole time, all I could think was that L.A. could fix this.

Ana would finally settle into being a stay-at-home mom when we were there, and Izzy wouldn't need to feel like he was abandoned anymore.

It was becoming my solution to everything, and no one could convince me otherwise.


Santana's POV


I earned my second strike three days after returning to the city from our weekend in Scarsdale.

Apparently, when the kids didn't attend school Brittany was notified, as if it wasn't just a daycare on steroids.

That morning, I kept Isaac home in preparation for the appointment I had made behind Britt's back, but only because I didn't want her to worry.

I figured Isaac's whole attitude was started because of me, so it was my job to handle it.

Only, I didn't let the teachers know...or B that he wouldn't be at school.

To make matters worse, I had asked Q to drop off Daniela on her way to her doctor's appointment.

Britt called me about an hour after Isaac should have been in school, her attitude already on a thousand.

"Why isn't Izzy in school? I know he's not sick. He was fine when I left."

"Oh, how'd you know about that?"

"The school called me."

"Oh. Well, he has a doctor's appointment. I didn't know I had to tell the school."

"He just had a doctor's appointment two weeks ago."

"Well, I scheduled another one."

"And you didn't think to tell me?"

"I didn't want to bother you."

"When it comes to OUR kids and anything that they need, it's not a bother."

"I'm sorry."

"Where is the appointment?"

"At his therapists...I'm having him evaluated."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" She growled into the phone, dropping her voice down to a whisper. "That's...strike 2."

I felt my chest tighten and nodded...even though she couldn't see me. "That's fair. I'm sorry, I should have said something. I just didn't want to get you worked up about something if it's nothing."

"I was evaluated as a kid. Why wouldn't you want me there?"

"You're right."

"What time is the appointment?"

"10."

"I'll meet you there." She said, then ended the call.

Fuck.


I had gotten to the office just after she did, and already her face was red from crying.

"I'm sorry." I said again, and she wiped her face.

"Let's just get it over with."

Britt tried to put on a brave face for the therapist and Isaac, but she was too upset about this to hide it well. I held tightly to Britt's hand as we sat on the other side of a two-way mirror. She was bouncing her feet and biting her nails while she watched our son.

"Hey?" I leaned against her shoulder, trying to get her to refocus on me and not Isaac. "It's going to be okay. Don't you want to get to the bottom of his aggression? He used to be your little buddy, and lately, he's been a violent little shit...don't you miss the way he was?" It was a dicey line of questioning because she could easily turn to me and say something about how yes, she did miss our son, the one I ruined with cocaine.

But instead, she sighed and chose not to blame me. "How do we know this is the right thing?" She asked, looking so broken.

"We don't, but we have to explore every possibility." I squeezed her hand, "I won't make any more decisions without you. I just wanted to do my part. Please don't be mad."

"I get why you did it, and I don't like it...but I do get it."

"He seems so upset, so lost, and I just want to help him, B."

"Can't it just be that he missed you?"

"He shoved Daniela hard enough that she needed butterfly stitches. And even with me around, he's only been getting more irritated. You know that his anger is out of control, and you know what that's like, B."

"Exactly. I don't want them to medicate him for something that isn't right. I was misdiagnosed three times."

"Which is why it's great that he has you because you won't let him get misdiagnosed or treated differently."

"I did my best...for months, I tried to help him."

"But this is beyond you, B. His therapist knows him, and she knows what she's doing...and if we disagree, we will take him somewhere else."

"Okay...I just wish...I don't know that I could help him, so he doesn't have to go through this."

"He's smiling, B." She looked at me confused, and I pointed at the glass. The therapist and his evaluator were on the floor with him. He was grinning. I hadn't really seen him smile since I'd been home, and it felt so wrong.

Britt watched him smiling, but her spirit didn't lift.

"I need air." She let go of my hand and walked out of the observation room, leaving me alone in the dark by myself.

Great.

Isaac hadn't been the only one that had been acting off since I got home.

Britt was deflating or sad...I wasn't sure.

I thought our sex would fix it, or me stepping up, but even before I went to see Marco, she was acting off.

My little family needed me at its center, which was clear to me, but I had to clean up the wreckage I had left before that could happen.

I had built up this idea that the three of them would be so happy once I was back home, but I was obviously delusional.

Watching Isaac sharing his blocks and listening as the evaluator showed him how to get them to sit right without falling, I knew that my son wasn't irrevocably broken...he just didn't have the words to express himself.

"Mrs. Lopez?" His therapist poked her head out and smiled at me.

"Yup."

"Can you come in and play with Isaac the same way that you normally would?"

"Of course."

I followed her into the room, and the moment that Isaac saw me, he dropped his block and came running to me like he hadn't just seen me an hour ago.

"Mami! You back? Mami, here?"

"Yes, Isaac, I'm here."

He hugged my leg, and I ruffled his curls.

"Can I play with you and Ms. Ashley?"

"No!" He said, glaring at the evaluator as if they hadn't just been best friends a few seconds before.

"Why not?"

"You stay with Izzy." He said, holding only my leg like I was trying to run away.

"Okay, well, I want to play with you and Ms. Ashley...so I will stay right with you."

He held out his pinky, and I stooped down and linked mine with his.

But he looked skeptical of me sticking around.

And it made me feel like shit.

This was all going to come back to me leaving him so much; I just knew it.

Don't therapists always blame the mother?


Brittany's POV


When the evaluator called in another evaluator to go over Izzy's case, Ana came to find me in the waiting room.

I had stepped out to call my Mom, to get some advice on how to handle this whole situation, and even she was nervous.

But then Ana came out with glassy eyes and slid her hand into mine just as I ended the call.

"Can you come back in?"

"Are you okay, baby?" I hadn't seen her look so broken in a long time, and I remembered just how much I hated seeing her that way.

"Marco was right." She mumbled, and I felt a spike of jealousy and then betrayal. Could I give her a third strike for keeping something from me?

"About what?"

"The doctor wants to talk to us."

I let her pull me back into the room and watched as Isaac continued to play with his evaluator.

His doctor had awesome reviews online and had been observing Izzy and Dani for almost a year.

Not once had she suggested that we have our son evaluated.

Neither had his teachers or his pediatrician.

No.

Marco was the one that looked Ana in the eyes and made a suggestion that turned out to be true.

Autism...most likely Asperger's.

And Ana muttered again, "Like Marco."

It took everything in me to keep my cool.

Then the therapist began to run down all the red flags that she'd been cataloging for months!

"Why didn't you say?" I asked her.

"I wasn't aware of his violent streak." She said, and I nodded dumbly because she was right; I hadn't told her about how his behavior had taken a turn.

And then Ana muttered a question, and the doctor looked from me to her in disbelief.

"Is this my fault?" Ana asked.

"No. Autism is a genetic disorder. It can run in families, but the cause is largely speculated. Isaac would likely have ended up right here, in this spot, regardless of your drug usage. He does suffer from anxiety, which can be tied to your past, or it could be tied to misunderstanding his world at large. There isn't blame to place on anyone."

My wife looked at me, biting hard on her lip, then looked back at the doctor.

"Is this why he's fixated on me?"

"Yes. That's highly likely."

"But why all of a sudden?" I asked her.

"I'm speculating but the alignment of his coming out of a coma to a new world...one where he went to sleep with one Elmo and woke up to another without Santana around." The doctor looked to Ana and then me, "He may have transferred that fixation onto Santana. He may have compounding issues that are causing him to lash out. Since he is high functioning and seems to at least mimic the behaviors of those around him, it's not hard to understand how this could have been passed off as him adjusting to Santana being absent."

Ana's closed her eyes and took a deep breath, and then nodded. "I'm...I...I'm better." She said.

"I'm not judging you. I'm here to help you understand your son. He's high functioning and very smart. His brain just works differently than ours, and you'll need to readjust to what his specific needs are. This isn't the end of the world. There are many online communities and support groups for parents just like yourselves. There's so much information you can find, but no two autistic people will be exactly alike. His needs will adjust just like any other child."

"Are you going to medicate him?" I asked, not sure what any of this really meant for Izzy.

"Right now, I think some behavior modification for you two and him would help. I also think creating more structure in his life would benefit everyone. I know you are planning to move across the country very soon. I would suggest taking time to prepare him for that move before creating a change in his life so soon after getting Santana back to him."

"I have to be there on May 2nd," I said, looking between the doctor and my wife. "I signed a contract."

"Then I'll stay and get him ready. You'll go and video call...show him his room and the house. Together we can help him be ready, B." Ana said like it would be that fucking easy.

I was just learning to trust her with them for a few hours; now, she was essentially preparing to send me away from the kids for weeks.

All while she had 2 strikes.

It was enough to make me curl up into a ball and cry.


We dropped Izzy off at school, and he kissed us both before walking away without looking back.

It seemed that when we did things together, he seemed the calmest.

Us being together seemed to be what he understood the most...it wasn't just about me.

That was what I was trying to understand, but until I was in L.A. and Ana was here holding things down in New York, I don't think I could fully believe that he didn't hate me for not being her.

"Do you have to go back to work?"

"I'm off-contract. I do what I want." I said, seeing that what she wanted was for me to be upstairs with her.

And I wanted it too.

So I texted Frankie and told her that I was done for the day.

Then I took my wife's hand and led her to the elevators.

It would be the first time we were home alone without the kids, and I actually felt nervous.

But Ana looked determined.

When we got inside, she grabbed a chair from the dining room table and pulled it to the center of the floor.

"What are you doing?"

"I saw the look on your face after I made that comment about Marco...you looked betrayed. That's strike three."

"Are you sure?"

"I am."

"Well, then I guess it's good that we can get this out of the way before the kids get home."

"I'm sorry, B."

"Are you regretting our deal?"

"No."

"Are you going to be okay with it still?"

"Yes."

"Well, then I'll grab my belt. You sit in that chair and don't move." She looked nervous, and I tipped up her chin after she sat there. "Color?"

"Green."


Santana's POV


I gripped Britt's thigh and let her spank me until I cried.

And then, she tossed away the belt and rubbed ointment on my ass, massaging it gently for only a minute or two before pulling my pants back up.

I went to roll off her, but she held tight to my hip.

"How do you feel?"

"Better." I sniffled.

"I don't think I'll ever understand this, but if it makes you feel better, I'll keep doing it."

"Thanks, B."

"Now, do you want to tell me about your time with Marco?"

"Yeah, I'd like that."

"Good, you can tell me while we eat the amazing lunch you're going to make me."

"Right, I guess this is the beginning of doing a full week of whatever you want, no questions asked."

"Yup."

"Is there something you want to eat in particular?"

"You...but I think maybe it's too soon...so for now, I'd love pancakes."

"Okay...you got it."

She helped me to my feet and then rubbed my ass before pulling me into a tight hug.

"I love you, baby."

"I love you too."

"I like this strike thing...maybe you should do it for me too."

I looked up at her, trying to see if she was serious because spanking was definitely not her thing.

"You want me to spank you?"

"No. Maybe there are other ways you can punish me."

"Well, that's easy; I'll just cut you off again; that seems to punish you just fine."

She looked terrified. "Oh...maybe...not?"

"Too late."

"I guess it's fair." B said, looking angelic. "I mean, it's not like I will ever do anything worth you cutting me off...I'm kinda perfect."

"Yeah, okay, Britt Britt." I chuckled, and she swatted my ass. "Fuck!"

"Oh, this week is going to be fun." She kissed my forehead and then spun away, taking the chair with her.

It seemed that while she didn't want to be spanked, she did seem to enjoy putting me in my place when I stepped out of line.

No surprise there.

Can't say that I minded; as long as she was justified, I was down.


Britt seemed so chill about what Marco had to say that I wondered why I had put off telling her and choosing to follow his advice behind her back.

Because of him, we were now clearer on what Isaac needed, and now that she had distance from the therapist's office, she seemed less upset about things.

Without realizing it, we'd already been changing our habits to suit what Isaac needed. Now that we had more direction, I felt like we'd be better parents to him.

The consistency that I gave Isaac all week seemed to be working because he went the entire night without a tantrum.

We snuggled him and Daniela extra that night before reading to them and then singing to them as they fell asleep.

And once they were knocked out, Britt looked at me up and down.

"I know what I want for dessert."

"We had dessert, B." I said before realizing just how hard she was staring at me. "Oh...okay."

"Patio in ten minutes." She said before walking out of the room.

And ten minutes later, when I walked out onto the patio to see her topless in the hot tub, I just knew that she wasn't bottomless from the look in her eyes.

"Water isn't lube, B." I said when she told me to strip.

"You've never had that problem, come on."

I took off my clothes and climbed into the tub, the heat of the water soothing the ache of my ass.

"Go easy, B."

"I'll do what I want." She said before pulling me close to straddle her lap, and even though she was being cocky, literally...she still took her time.

"I love you." I whispered into her neck as she held me.

"Always and only, you." She said before pushing her favorite new toy into me in one go.

"Oh, God!"

"I prefer Daddy." She said and then began nibbling on my ears.

"Yesss...harder...fuck!"

She didn't make our sex a marathon this time around; she just worked us both up to orgasm before turning off the jets.

"I think you should play for me before we go to bed."

"But...I haven't been in the loft...not since Carmen." I said, remembering the last time I had gone up there.

"It's time."

And I didn't argue. Instead, I put on my robe and followed her upstairs while feeling sore in all the right places.

I expected a layer of dust on my piano, but instead, it looked pristine.

"You've been cleaning it?"

"And I got it tuned." I eased down onto my bench and was immediately on my feet again. "What's wrong, baby?" Britt snickered, and I just glared at her.

But she was still wearing that strap, and I had forgotten about it in that split second.

She moved behind me and lifted up my robe.

"B...what are you doing?"

"Kneel on the bench, and I'll show you." So I did, and she bent me enough to push back inside me. "Play for me. Don't mess up, or you'll regret it."

Thankfully, playing with my eyes closed was something that I learned when I was eight because it was all I could do to concentrate on the keys.

Of course, that didn't work out, and she ended up holding me in her lap without allowing our hips to move.

Straight torture.


By the time we collapsed into bed, I was thoroughly exhausted, and Britt seemed vindicated.

She looked at me then, nearly two weeks after I'd gotten home, and finally said the words I needed to hear the most.

"I trust you with the kids."

"Really?"

"It's going to be hard leaving you guys, but I feel good that I'm leaving you with our village."

"Me too."

"There will be times where I question, out of habit but know that at the end of the day, I'm so proud of you for stepping up for Izzy. You saw his need and did your best to meet it. That's why I trust you."

"You have no idea how much I needed to hear you say that. I'm going to do the best I can to be the best mom to them and best wife to you, and sometimes I'll stumble but knowing you have my back makes all the difference, Britt Britt. Thank you for loving me through everything."

"Til' death do us part...right?"

"Yes, hopefully, that's a hundred years from now though cuz I needs all the time I can get with you."

"Say less." She said, kissing me softly and holding me close until we drifted off to sleep.

And finally, I felt a sliver of what it would be like when it would be only the four of us in L.A.

I had been nervous about leaving my village, but as long as we kept on being this awesome, I knew we'd be able to rock the shit out of our next adventure.