A/N: I wrote this in chunks, hopefully it's not too disjointed. Trying to get back into this groove. I missed you babes!
I Can't Help It (Michael Jackson)
AUGUST
Santana's POV
I was holding back tears and putting on my bravest face for my little guy.
Britt adjusted his little tie and blazer before kissing his face until his dimples carved deep grooves in his cheeks.
The road to kindergarten had been long. Two months of going back and forth with his pre-k teacher and his therapist, who had different opinions about his readiness for school, and a lot of lunging on my part made us all a little nuts.
But we'd researched and prepared for it.
"You okay, sis?"
Mari wrapped her arm around me as I kept smiling past overwhelming tears.
"I think so."
"He's going to be okay. The first week is just four hours a day; he's been in daycare longer, right?"
"Yeah."
"And he met his teacher last week...right?"
"Yeah."
"And Britt is in walking distance of his school, right?"
"I know."
"And even though I'm reminding you of all of this, you're going to stay in this house until it's time to pick him up, aren't you?"
"Absolutely." I said, and she kissed my cheek.
"I'm proud of the mom that you've become."
"Me too." A pang hit me then, as I stood in my old house...Mami's old house, now Mari's home. It'd only been 8 months since Mami had died in the room right above us, and the pain had barely dulled, but still, I'd stay there all morning to wait for Isaac to be done with his first day of kindergarten.
It's what Mami would have done had she still been with us.
A shiver crossed my shoulders, almost as if Mami was letting me know that she was there with us.
The tears were burning my eyes as I fought them off, and then Britt looked at me and grinned.
Even after all our years together, that grin still wrecked me in the best ways.
"Mami, down." Isaac said to me as he crooked his finger.
I knelt in front of him, and he stepped into my arms, hugging me and kissing my cheeks just like Britt had done to him.
And he didn't stop until my dimples matched his.
Thank God for him.
September
Brittany's POV
It had been ages since I got to see my wife dressed up like a princess.
Her dress shimmered, matching her eye shadow and her nails.
"You look amazing." She said to me as she fixed the white blazer I was wearing.
"Are you sure? Quinn said it's bad luck to wear white after labor day."
"That is a rude ass rule, B. It's really a classist saying. Don't wear white after labor day if you can't afford to take fall and winter vacations. Only the rich can wear white whenever they want...but what about people who get married after labor day? No one bitches to brides about it, do they?" Ana looked annoyed, and it made me grin. She looked cute when her face got all scrunched up.
"Oh...well no."
"So screw what Q says. She's just trying to not have an opinion about tonight because she and Rachel are chummy all of a sudden."
"For Beth." I reminded her because Q had been working hard to try and be in Beth's life, and Rachel wasn't the easiest person to deal with.
"She's her stepmother. I don't think she should have a say in if Quinn gets to see Beth."
"I know, baby, but by that logic, Marco should be able to come here every single day to see Dani if he wanted. He signed away his rights, and so did Quinn...remember?"
"Why are we talking about them? It's your night."
She waved away all talk about the world outside and continued getting ready.
And I tried not to think about the outside world as we climbed in the limo and took our seats in Radio City Music Hall.
Everyone was so excited and over the top; it was like being inside the television as stars that I'd only seen through a screen danced around and joked.
I had been surprised by my nomination for Best Choreography nearly a year after the show opened and almost gave up my chance to show up, but then Frankie and August insisted that I show up.
But it was really Ana who had convinced me.
"Show those bastards in L.A. that you are winning despite them. Even if you lose, you are still closer to your dreams than any of them could imagine."
And I did.
When I walked up on that stage and accepted my Tony award with Frankie, August and Tony, I didn't care about wearing a white suit or the outside world.
I wasn't even sure what I said in my speech; I just put it all out there and ended with a little shout-out to someone. Then I stepped back and pushed Tony towards the mic because we had done this together.
And, of course, he was dorky in his first sentence.
"How about this, a Tony for Tony...yeah?" He lifted it up in a fist pump, and everyone laughed.
He had tears in his eyes, and then before we left the stage, we dedicated the award to Frank.
Even though he had been the WORST, the show wouldn't have gotten off the ground without him.
And when I got back to the aisle, Ana stood there with tears in her eyes.
"Rachel Berry, eat your heart out." She grinned and then kissed me hard in front of everyone.
And all I could think of was just how far she'd come from that girl who wanted to hold my hand under a napkin.
October
Santana's POV
The last thing I wanted to do was leave for another tour or music thing, especially since everything was finally good with my wife and kids.
But when John Legend called and asked me to record with him to promote music education in Ohio schools and promised that in exchange, we could make music together, how could I refuse.
Besides, it wasn't a full-fledged tour, just us traveling around Ohio for a month.
Which is exactly how I sold it to Britt, and she took one long look at me before flashing me a grin and nodding excitedly.
"Do it." She said and then kissed me over and over.
Having her blessing this time around made all the difference.
For the first time in all of our years, we had zero issues ever since we started doing this open communication thing.
A week before I left, we had done our third round of IVF, and Britt wanted us to wait until I got back to find out if the pregnancy finally took.
Only, I had done pregnancy before, so when my boobs got tender, and I got the sniffles out of nowhere, I had a clue, but I promised that I would wait.
We talked at least three times a day. Every night after reading bedtime stories with the kids, she'd look at me with hope in her eyes, and I hoped to God that this thing implanted because she'd been so patient.
She deserved this.
That's why I was doing everything in my power to make this happen.
Nothing was off the table to help her get her dream of planning a family with me.
Right down to the donor, she'd gone to him, insisting that I keep my distance from Marco.
He wasn't her first choice. Things would've been different if Ian were still alive, but she'd had to settle for who was left because she wanted a biological connection between this pregnancy and the kids we already had.
So, she went to Marco, and he didn't put up a fight or make her work for it like he used to do with me. He just felt honored to help us expand our family.
I hadn't heard anything from him, good or bad, since he told me that he was making strides to turn his life around.
But halfway through my recording tour, while we were finally making our way through Lima, I got a call from Ari telling me that Moncho needed to talk to me.
And when I asked her why he didn't just call me himself, she scoffed and agreed with me.
So that's how I ended up meeting Marco at the Lima Bean instead of sleeping in since morning sickness had kept me up half of the night.
He stood up when he saw me and waited until I was seated across the table from him before sitting.
And that's when I saw a little boy sitting there munching on a cookie while staring back at me.
"What are you doing here?" I asked him once he was sitting. "And who's the kid?"
"Hello to you too, Anita. You look well."
"No, I don't."
"Are you sick?"
I didn't want him to even have an inkling that the pregnancy took...because Britt needed to know that before him, even though he'd helped us, my loyalty was always to her first.
"We've been in a different city every few days; I'm just worn out."
"That makes sense. Shall we get down to business?" He asked, sitting up and crossing his hands on the tabletop. He glanced over at the kid and then back at me. "This is our godson...I know it's been a while since you've talked to Nico and Carmen, so you may not recognize him."
Once he said that this was Nikolai, I immediately noticed just how much he looked like Carmen.
"I haven't seen him since he was a baby." And because the kid was still staring at me, I lowered my voice. "Why do you have him? Sugar always said that his mother never lets him out of her sight."
"Yeah, well, that's hard to do from where she is."
"No way?!" I felt lightheaded as I took in that bit. "How long is she in?"
"20 to life."
"Damn."
"I still have connections all over the place. They left him in Lima for protection with some old associates, long story short...I was granted custody."
"You?" I tried not to cackle, but it was so hard. "You're kidding?"
"She wanted him to be with you but figured after the last time that you saw each other that you wouldn't be willing to do anything for either of them."
"And she's right." I had never felt so low in my life than that time I spent being used and abused by both of them.
My former saviors had turned feral.
And the very person they were saving me from now sat across from me with their child.
The irony didn't even begin to cover it.
"I've never been a parent. You are an amazing mom; I could use some guidance."
"Is that all?" I asked, flagging down one of the servers, who immediately came towards me when they saw me.
"Mrs. Lopez! It's so nice to see you. What can I get you?"
"Peppermint tea." Then I turned to Marco. "Is that all he's eaten?"
"Yeah."
I rolled my eyes. "Can you also grab some oatmeal and a banana, please?"
"Absolutely. Coming right up." The server shuffled off, then I turned back to Marco.
"Do you really think that you can handle being a father, Marco?"
"I do, with your help. As his Madrina, I figured you'd want to have a say...maybe even have a play date when you're back in the city. We will be here for a few more weeks, but when we're back, it would be great if we could spend time...he needs family."
And then it hit me...this had to be making him think of Daniela.
"She's not yours, Marco."
He hesitated, I could tell he was searching for an excuse, but time spent as a Priest had changed his ability to lie as quickly as he used to.
"I know that...but I would like to know her...and Isaac too. I respect you and Brittany as their parents; I would never want to interfere...I just...as much as I don't deserve it, I would love to be a part of your family. I always have."
"Show me that you can keep this kid alive and happy...stop feeding him cookies at 8am, and I'll see if Britt would be okay with you being more present in our kids' lives."
November
Brittany's POV
I woke up on the first day of November feeling drunk still and was never more grateful that the kids were with Mari.
Quinn had taken me out dancing and drinking, but over a year of sobriety meant I was done after one drink, and Quinn was done after two.
Celia had to pick us up because we were both too drunk to find our way home.
Ana had paid for all of it...promising that when she came back home, we'd celebrate, in the only way that I really wanted to.
She'd made sure that I was showered with love and attention for my whole day, which only made me miss her more.
But she wasn't going to be home for another week.
Or so she said.
I was stumbling into the kitchen, looking for water but instead was met by my smiling wife holding up a brown paper bag.
Seeing her woke me up immediately; it was like I was suddenly charged up.
"You're here!"
"I am."
"I missed you so fucking much."
"I missed you more."
"Not possible. Is that my present?"
She nodded as I took the bag from her. I opened it and was super confused for like a split second.
"I was going to take it and surprise you with the results, but I figured you'd want to be with me every step of the way." She said, grinning.
"You seem sure...do you think it...that we are this time?"
"Don't want to jinx it. Let's go to the bathroom and find out. You can brush your teeth so I can get my mack on after I'm done peeing."
"Sexy." I pulled her into another hug, happy that she wasn't skinnier than when she left. "You've been taking care of yourself." I said, not asking.
"I have."
"Awesome, me too."
I rushed through a shower and brushing my teeth while she took all four tests that she bought.
While I dried off, she stood there biting her nails.
She looked nervous, and I didn't want that.
I stepped in front of her and took her hands in mine, kissing her damp fingers, and she frowned.
But I didn't care.
"Don't be nervous, baby."
"You don't have an endless supply of eggs, B...I don't want to let you down again."
She looked determined, her nostrils flaring as she tried to fight back her tears.
"Hey, you doing this at all is more than I could ask for. If it doesn't happen, it will hurt, but we will be okay. We have two awesome kids already, which is already super awesome."
"You sure?"
"Yes."
She nodded and then leaned in and kissed me for the first time in a month.
Her lips felt a little chapped, but they were still so perfect.
A timer went off, and her body got stiff.
"You can do the honors, B."
She was hovering just over my shoulder as I flipped over the sticks one by one.
"Wow." I said, trying to keep my voice neutral because I felt a million things at once.
"Wow, good or wow, bad?"
I turned and cupped her face in my hands.
"Nothing about this is bad; it's all good. Say it." I didn't like the doubt I had seen all over her since she peed on those tests.
"It's all good...nothing is bad." She said, looking at me with panic in her eyes. "Just tell me, B."
"We're going to have a baby." I said, my smile so big that it hurt my face.
"Yeah?" She still looked unsure.
"What has gotten into you? We both want this, right?"
"Of course, B. I just don't really know how to do a healthy pregnancy...what if I mess up again?"
"You won't. I've got your back. You won't have to do any of it alone. I'll stay on my medication, we'll keep going to therapy, and we'll make sure to do everything by the book."
"I'm pregnant..." She ran her hands over her stomach, and finally, a little smirk appeared on her face. "Happy Birthday, Britt Britt."
I kissed her face over and over again, just like I did with the kids when they were too cute for words.
We'd come through so much, and we were finally in a good place. That was something to celebrate.
"If you could have anything in the world right now...what would it be?" I asked her, kissing her a few more times until she finally giggled.
"Well, I don't really have any cravings yet, but I'd really like to see my babies...maybe we can have a family day, just the four of us?"
"That sounds like fun. Let's go pick them up."
"Are you sure? I mean, we are home alone, and we haven't had sex in a month."
"Is that what you want to do first?"
"Well, yeah. Of course."
"Say less."
I had her up on the counter in seconds, and then I dropped my towel and put her hands on my hips.
"I missed you being all over me like this."
"Good because I don't plan on stopping."
December
Santana's POV
"I can't believe you're leaving for Christmas. What happened to family unity and all that shit?" Celia was glaring at me from the top of the loft stairs. I had been in my creative zone, and she had immediately started in on me like she didn't know what it was to be creating and be interrupted.
"Britt's grandmother is celebrating her 100th birthday, Ceily. The whole Pierce family is headed to Santa Fe to celebrate the holidays and her birthday with her. For years it's been all about the Lopez family; I couldn't let Britt miss this."
"I guess you make a good point." She grumbled, and then she stormed over to the couch and sat down in a huff.
I closed the piano lid and turned around, making sure my oversized sweater covered my little bump.
We still weren't telling people. Even though I was nearly 4 months, Britt didn't want to take any chances.
Not just yet.
And I agreed with her; this pregnancy was sucking the life out of me.
"Do you want to tell me what's really bothering you?"
"YOUR best friend decided that since you're leaving, there was no reason we couldn't fly to LA again."
"Oh...and you don't want to?"
"No. I have a show the whole week leading up to Christmas. I have a new artist showing at my gallery, and Quinn hates her."
"Why?"
"It doesn't matter...what matters is that I can't just drop work so that we can go be interrogated by the blonde brigade."
"Interrogated?"
"Yeah, they are full of gay questions...and don't even get me started on them wanting to know why Quinn carried my embryo instead of her own. I spent four hours there last year and was ready to stab someone."
"The Fabray's will do that to you."
"Can you convince her that it's better to stay in New York?"
"Not really."
"Why not? She's your bestie, Santana; she listens to you."
"I am not going to be the one to tell her that she shouldn't go see her mom because I really wish I could see mine right now." The tears came fast, and I rolled my eyes.
Fucking hormones.
"I'm sorry. You're right...shit. I wasn't thinking."
Celia moved over to my side and put her arms around me, letting me get snot all over her shoulder.
"Truth is," I looked towards the stairs and then dropped my voice. "I just want to be home, especially this year, but Rob tells me that this may be Nana Pierce's last holiday. She's turning 100, and if Britt is the only grandchild missing, other than Court, I mean, well, it would be shitty. Also, she's never met the kids."
"I get it. Don't explain; you shouldn't be stressing in your condition."
"Wh-what?" She raised her eyebrow.
"You have pregnancy face, are you guys not saying anything because mine didn't take? I won't take it personally. You can tell me."
"No. Britt's just extra cautious. She wants to make it to Christmas, then she says we can post on socials and tell everyone all at once."
"I won't say a word." This time I raised my eyebrow because she told Quinn everything. "Don't look at me like that; I mean it, I won't say anything to anyone besides Quinn already knows. She pointed it out to me a week ago."
"But she has more tact." I said with a snicker.
"Precisely."
The moment we were off the plane, my stomach lurched.
"Baby?" Britt said as she pulled our suitcases. "You okay?"
"I'm gonna hurl." I groaned, and then I spotted the bathroom and made a run for it.
There is nothing grosser than vomiting into a public toilet, especially when every single smell was ten times stronger.
Just as I felt like I was in the clear, I heard someone fart, and I got sick all over again.
That repeated twice before I had nothing left and ended up leaning against the wall with clammy skin and the shakes.
I should have taken that as a sign that this trip was doomed.
But I washed my face in the furthest sink from the stalls and pulled my hair into a top knot.
My skin was blotchy, and my lip was cracked.
Great.
Britt stood waiting with our luggage just outside the door, looking worried.
"What can I get you?"
"Get me to the hotel. I need a shower, food, and a nap." My voice was gritty, but Britt gave me that brilliant smile and kissed my forehead.
"You got it, Baby. Mom and Dad should already be at Nana's with the kids; I just texted them and told them we'd be by tomorrow for the party."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. Let them do grandparent duty while I take care of you. Anything you want, I got you."
From that moment on, Britt was the best wife in the world, and it made me having to deal with her half racist family worth it.
I knew they all thought she was the same girl who pushed her pedophile uncle down the stairs, and they were right. She would absolutely cut a bitch if they tried to harm our kids, and I wouldn't want it any other way.
She was nervous about being around her whole family, but her mother and father banded together and laid a huge guilt trip on her.
It was a three-day event, but we were skipping the first night.
What would that look like?
"What about your family?"
She looked me right in the eyes and smiled. "YOU are my family, Santana. You and all of our babies. I'm a Lopez; my family is in New York."
"You're parents are here."
"They live in New York. So, my point stands."
My head was starting to pound, and then Britt was shoving a tissue under my nose.
"Seriously?!" I groaned as the tissue turned red. "I'm sober...I would never do anything to hurt the babies, B."
She rolled her eyes. "I know that. Let's get to the hotel. You're falling apart."
We made it one hour into the party before Britt lifted both kids into her arms and stormed out of her grandmother's house.
I was used to Britt saying whatever came to mind. I chalked it up to being one of her quirks.
What I did not expect was her ENTIRE family to be that way.
No one had any subtlety.
So when Isaac referred to Britt as his Mama, and Nana Pierce said to him very clearly, "That is not your Mama. You are not my kin. I don't care how blue your eyes are." Then she said some choice slurs about me, which made Isaac cry.
I was speechless, but not Britt.
"Why don't you just die already?" She asked her Nana, and everyone froze.
"Excuse me, Brittany Susan?"
"I am so sick of you old people making life tough for the rest of us, constantly making decisions that you won't be around to have to deal with. It's bold of you to talk to MY son like that when you already think I'm a psycho but trust me, NONE of you have seen just how crazy I can get. Say one more thing about my family, and I will make sure you never utter another motherfucking word. Got it, Nana?"
Luckily, her parents hadn't gotten there yet because they would have tried to cover for her. She needed her family to see her like this, an adult, a mother, and a wife. I was so fucking proud of her, even if every one else looked like they wanted to murder her.
Fuck them.
"So what now?" I asked B after we got the kids strapped into the car.
"Think Mari would mind if we stayed in Beverly Hills?"
"Definitely not, but I'll text her."
"Good, because we are picking up our luggage and driving straight to L.A."
"I guess I should give Q a heads up. I'm sure Ceily is acting unbearable."
"No need to tell my parents; I'm sure someone already called them. Oh well." Britt pulled onto the road and began driving towards the hotel.
I had the music pumping, and we were all singing along all the way to the hotel.
After we parked and turned off the car, a little voice got our attention.
"Mama?" Britt turned back towards Isaac, who was taking deep breaths and trying to hold back more tears.
"Yes, Buddy?"
"Why did Nana say that?"
"Because she's a bully. Remember how we talked about mean words being just as bad as hitting?"
"Yes."
"That's what she was doing, and Mama had to put her in her place. I had to bully her back, so she knew that talking to you like that was wrong."
"Are you mad?" He asked.
"Only at Nana."
"Not at me?" His lip trembled.
"Never. I love you and Dani, and so does Mami." Britt looked at me, and I nodded.
"I love you both." I sang to the kids, and they both smiled.
Brittany's POV
Noche Buena
How had it been a year already?
After we left Santa Fe and Ana told her family we were headed to Beverly Hills; they moved heaven and Earth to get there by Christmas Eve.
Even my parents showed up, both exhausted from trying to fix my blow-up.
But I had no regrets.
Nana could rot.
Ana was dancing around the kitchen with her sisters, and the kids were running around the house like little lunatics...just like the year before.
Only this time, I wasn't jealous or drunk.
Instead, I was spending time with my parents, talking about Courtney.
It'd been almost five years since she'd died, and we barely talked about her.
But after I blew up their family Christmas, I owed it to them to sit still and talk about my baby sister.
"She would be so proud of what you did in Santa Fe." Mom said, surprising me.
I thought she'd be mad.
"You think so?"
Dad nodded, "Court would probably have joined in."
"Ha, you're right." I said.
My parents shared a look, and then finally, Mom looked back at me.
"So when are you going to tell us your news?"
I couldn't hold back my smile. I looked towards the kitchen and saw Ana looking pale as she leaned against the counter.
"I want to...I'm just...nervous." I admitted, her first two pregnancies had been hard.
What if something happened?
The nose bleed had scared the life out of me, but once call to Dr. Cabot made me feel a little better.
"Are you still having trouble trusting her?" Dad asked, trying to look neutral, but she was his business partner. Ana relapsing was always a concern for him but especially when she was carrying another life...two lives.
"I trust her."
"Then what is it?"
"I wish I knew why I feel this way. Ana's been amazing. Every check-up is a good one. The doctor says that they're healthy."
Mom raised her eyebrow but then looked past me.
I turned just as Ana got to us.
"Hi." I smiled up at my wife.
"Can we do it...please? If one more person asks if I relapsed, I might lose my shit." Then she smiled at my parents. "Did she tell you?"
Mom smirked, "Kind of."
"Well, that's not enough. Please, B?"
"Not yet." They all glared at me. "We need to tell the kids first; it's only fair. If they don't take it well, I would rather that happen with just us."
Ana nodded. "Fine, I guess you're right."
I had been worried that Izzy wouldn't take it well.
But I should have been worried about Dani.
Ana sat them on the bed, and they looked up at us anxiously.
We had pulled them away from their cousins and probably thought they were in trouble.
"So, you know how Mami has been sick?" I asked them.
Izzy looked to Ana and nodded. He remembered the last time she was sick that she went away for a long time.
"Mami, going away?" He asked, and Ana looked at me, panicked.
"No. I'm not going anywhere, Papa." And that was all he needed to know because he looked at me to continue.
"Well, in a few months, Mami is going to have two new babies."
"What?!" Dani said, glaring at Ana. "No. I'm the baby!" Ana went to comfort her, but I had become a pro at spotting a tantrum before it came, so I pulled Ana back just in time because Dani kicked her feet and wailed.
"You're always my baby." Ana said to her.
"NO! I don't want it. Make the babies go away!" She yelled, looking way too much like Marco in her rage.
And then, Izzy turned to his little sister and wrapped his arms around her until she calmed down.
"You are my baby too, Dani." He said to her, "They are your babies too. Like you're mine."
She looked at him and nodded.
It was this beautiful sibling moment that reminded me of my love for my baby sister.
She'd always be my baby too.
Ana wrapped me in her arms and let me cry against her shoulder.
Then little bodies were wrapping themselves around our legs.
"Smile, Mama, we having babies." Dani squeaked.
So I did.
Like I had told Ana, this was my family...I felt so full of love right then.
And I knew that no matter what came next, as long as I had my little crew, I'd be okay.
We'd come so far from the Christmas before.
In that same room, I had pinned Ana to the wall...and now we were all wrapped up together, celebrating our next chapter.
Nothing could mean more.
