71: Stay (Alicia Keys feat. Lucky Daye)


Six Months Later

SEPTEMBER

Brittany's POV


"Britt?"

I was focused on my spins. I'd been feeling dizzy lately and didn't want to stumble in front of the other dancers, so I'd been focused on fixing my spins all day.

"Hmm?"

"Can you stop so I can properly greet you?"

"No thanks. I'm not interested." I said, pausing to catch my breath and reset my focal point, Ari's old pointe shoes.

Always.

"I came all this way because August said he wanted to get the old team together. I thought you'd be thrilled. We haven't talked in ages."

"Not interested." I said again, and then I felt the heat flash through me, and I finally stumbled, sending me nearly headfirst into the glass wall.

"Shit!"

My body collided with Frankie's right before I cracked my head open.

I stepped away from her touch and pressed my fingers to my temples, trying to breathe.

"Can you go away, please?"

"Are you sure?"

"Leave, Francis!" I said again, this time more firmly.

I waited to hear her footsteps go away before I opened my eyes again.

At first, I thought it was because I was out of practice, but I fell more often than ever before in my life. Nothing hurt. I was just really dizzy.

I took a break, drank some water, did a quick stretch and then went back to spinning.

"Mama?"

I was used to Izzy showing up after school.

He skipped 8th grade when he tested into his city school and was at a high school three blocks from my job.

He'd meet me at work every day, and we take the train home together.

For a whole month, things had been going well, and I was never thrown by him showing up, but add dizziness and the appearance of Frankie, and I was off my game.

I tried to stop when he called my name, but I saw two of him, then everything was hot and spinning again.

And I dropped to the floor, hard.

"MAMA!" I heard Izzy's voice get louder and fuzzier as I lay there feeling like I was inside a fire-breathing dragon's mouth.

"Shit! I knew I shouldn't have left you. Britt, are you okay?"

I sat up slowly and pressed my face against my knees, trying to take deep breaths, but everything was still spinning.

What the hell was wrong with me?

"Please don't call Santana." I whispered, but Izzy was always faster than me.

"Too late."


"Please don't make me go to the hospital. I'm fine." I said to Ana once she was kneeling in front of me with a soft smile and worried eyes.

"You're going." She said, "I can't let you not take this shit seriously. You've been brushing me off about this dizziness for days. Enough is enough. Please, B."

I looked into her beautiful brown eyes and knew I couldn't say no.

She'd done the one thing I asked her to do: stay more often than she left.

She'd been with the kids and me every day for six months.

Nothing was getting left behind.

My wife had lost way too many people in her life, and I could just see her worry over losing me too.

And I didn't want that for her.

"Fine, but the kids can't come. Just you and me."

"Francis is going to take Isaac home. Come on…let me help you up."

I shook my head.

"Get Tony."

My wife wasn't as strong as she thought. I was heavier than her and bigger. I'd knock us both to the ground.

She mumbled something as she pressed a cool towel to the back of my neck, and then I could feel Tony's heavy steps coming into the room.

"What's going on, B Lo?"

Ana snickered, and I smiled.

"See, Ana, sometimes people call me that." I muttered.

"Yeah, okay, B Lo, get up for us, and I won't ever say no one calls you that again."

"Okay."

I was hot as Tony helped me to my feet, and then I felt dizzy again.

I would have fallen on my ass if he had not held onto me.

"Yeah, you're going to hate it, but I'm carrying you." Tony said, and I groaned.

"Why?" I moaned.

"Because you can't walk, B." Ana said.

"I can walk!" I yelled.

"Just because you can, doesn't mean you should." Izzy said, and he was right.

I'd said that to him when he had once gotten himself sick after eating an entire bag of chocolate because he didn't want it to go bad.

He'd thrown up brown sludge and been sick for two days.

"Fine." I mumbled. "Can I sleep?" I asked Tony, and he kissed the top of my head.

"Sure, just until we get you there."

"K."


Santana's POV


You know how you're in the middle of doing something you are not supposed to be, and then God reminds you why you can't do stupid shit?

I didn't get high, but I had been sitting across from Marco talking about getting pregnant again, which Britt was totally against.

He'd offered to get me pregnant in a non-sexual way because I wouldn't need Britt's sign-off to use the embryos when I got the call from Isaac that Britt had collapsed.

Marco told me the offer was still on the table, but I didn't dare give him a response; instead, I got a cab straight to the theater.

She was refusing the hospital and insisting that she was fine, but I'd seen how she'd been stumbling.

I thought she was drinking again and had asked her point blank if she was falling into old habits, and she said, "Not any more than you are."

Her eyes looked over my body, and I knew that my lack of putting on weight was bothering her still, even though I'd been trying to work on that.

I was eating on a schedule and everything but couldn't get the scale to move into a healthy weight.

Then again, it's not like I was doing anything extra to make the weight happen, either.

"Touché."

I'd been keeping an eye on her and had even mentioned it to Mari, but she didn't seem too concerned, so I stopped waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I let the feeling of doom go, and then boom, it fell.


"Type 2 Diabetes." The doctor announced, and Britt looked so confused.

"Huh?"

The doctor began to run through a list of questions, ticking off boxes, and then talked about her results.

I texted Mari immediately.

At Presby, Britt's in the ER, saying she has diabetes-Ana

Oh. Are you still here?-Mari

Yes, triage 2-Ana

See you in a min-Mari

Once my sister entered the triage room, the doctor stopped talking to my wife and me like we were idiots.

Mari held her hand out, and he handed over the chart.

I watched my sister's face as she reviewed the blood work, and her eyebrow raised.

"Come talk to me for a second, Dr. Parrish."

"Yes, ma'am, I mean, doctor!"

Britt rested her head back and closed her eyes, but her hand still found mine.

I'd been clenching the bedsheet in fear, but Britt's cool hand made me let go.

"You okay, Ana?"

She peeked open an eye, and I smiled at her.

"Yeah, why?"

"You look guilty."

"Oh, I guess I should have insisted you come in. I guess I just feel like we could have prevented this."

"You're lying, but I don't have the energy to interrogate you. Can you just do it for me and tell me what you did." She yawned, and I just sat there slack-jawed, not realizing that even in her general incoherence, she was still paying attention.

"How did you know something was going on?" I asked.

"I can read you, Ana. How bad is it?"

"Not bad, not really." I said, and then I stood up and attempted to pull out of her grasp, but she had a grip on my wrist now, "Let go, B. Save your strength."

"We are in the perfect place to get a urine sample. You need one?" She asked, and I felt like she was slapping me.

"I'm sober." I said, my throat tight. "I swear."

"You swear?"

"Not what I meant. Please stop worrying about me, Britt."

Mari walked in, and Britt cut her off before she could say anything.

"Your sister is acting shady. Can you give her a drug test?"

Mari looked at me and rolled her eyes, "Are you getting high again?"

"No."

"So you'll take a test?"

"I'll take a million tests. I'm 7 years sober. I barely take medicine for a headache."

"Okay, I'll order one. In the meantime, Britt, I ordered more tests to rule out anything else."

"So she was right?" I asked Mari, and she nodded.

"Yup, it's not uncommon post-hysterectomy, but it's been ten years? I'm wondering how this didn't present sooner. When was the last time you had a full workup?" Mari asked Britt, and she shrugged.

"I don't know. I don't count how long it's been. I got a physical a few years ago, maybe?"

"It's possible this may have gone undetected for longer than you realize. Have you done anything different lately?"

"She works out constantly, drinks protein shakes, and I swear she drinks sports drinks more than water." I said, and Britt finally let go of me. "Don't be mad at me, Britt; you've been a sugar fiend since I met you. Remember the hot dentist?"

Britt grinned and nodded. "So now what?"

"We'll get more tests done; in the meantime, I'd like you to stay overnight for observation."

"If I do, can Ana stay with you tonight?"

"I do not need a babysitter!" I muttered.

"Then why are you guilty?" Britt was staring me down now.

"I was with Marco before I came to you…I…he offered to give me a baby."

"This again?" Britt sighed and shook her head. "No, Santana, we are done having kids."

"You said if I came home, and did what I needed to do, then we could talk about it."

"But you're not talking to me about it, are you?"

She had a point.

"I'm sorry."

"Can you just go, please?" She wouldn't look at me.

"Are you serious?" I had forgotten that Mari was behind me until she put her hand on my shoulder.

"Go home, Sis."

"I thought you wanted me to pee in a cup."

"I believe you. Go home." Mari insisted.

"But…she's my wife." I said. Britt closed her eyes and turned her face.

"Go." She whispered.

"Britt, please, let me stay until you get to a room."

"Ana, I'm asking." She said, her blue eyes like hot coals as she finally looked my way. "What's the rule?"

"If you ask…I do it." I said, dropping my voice. My sister did not need to know just how domineering Britt had returned to being in the bedroom. I didn't want anyone to think she was hurting me out of anger. Things had been great in bed; the rougher, the better.

I just had to make sure that what happened in our bedroom stayed in the bedroom.

"So?"

"Fine." I leaned forward and kissed her forehead and then rubbed her leg. "I'll call to check in once I make sure the kids are settled."

"Good. Worry about the kids we have." She muttered, and I knew we were still ages away from baby talk.

Great.


I stepped onto the sidewalk feeling so fucking defeated and decided that instead of going home right away, I needed to go somewhere else.

So, I took a left and headed towards midtown instead of Tribeca, where we were still living.

When I got to the church, I went to the convent instead of the sanctuary.

The mother superior was used to seeing me by that point. One of the first things I did when we returned to New York was to see Goli.

She filled in that gaping void that Ari had left in many ways.

God, I missed her.

So fucking much.

I crossed myself and then sat in the waiting area for Goli to finish whatever nun thing she was doing.

While I sat there, I pulled out my phone to send a text to Quinn.

But I had one from Britt, and it distracted me.

You really need to talk to Dani. That's more important!-Britt

I was about to respond, but then I felt a presence hovering.

When I looked up, Goli was looking pale and sad still.

Ari had been gone for longer than they'd been together, but still, Goli clutched that rosary made from her ashes like it was her lifeline.

I knew that it would make my friend sad to know that the woman she loved was martyred and not living.

She'd passed the BAR; for goodness sake, she had plans, but then Ari died, and Goli's whole life stopped.

"Hi." She said, looking me over. "Walk with me?"

She was wearing sneakers and had her wallet clutched in her non-rosary hand.

"Outside?"

For six months, I went there, and we talked in a cafeteria or the sanctuary, but we'd never gone anywhere else.

I got up and slid my phone into my back pocket, not giving Britt's mean streak room to breathe.

She was pissed off, and I would respect that.

The hysterectomy always brought back painful memories for her, and to know that the diabetes was probably spawned out of that only made it worse.

She was going to have to live with this disease, and every time something came up with it, she would have to think about what she'd lost.

I was stupid to bring up Marco and a baby.

Why didn't I lie better?

I used to be so freaking good at it.

Motherhood had made me soft.

Why did I want to start the clock over with another kid?

I couldn't even give an answer that would make sense to anyone who hadn't had to carry a dead fetus for months.

The feeling haunted me, and I wanted to feel like I hadn't failed.

Even though Gia was there every day, smiling at me and telling me she loved me the most, I still felt robbed.

Two kids with her perfection would have been enough.

But one was missing.

By the time I reached the street, my thoughts had swirled up just like they always did when I was in the vicinity of a Catholic Church.

Catholic guilt was real…Ari's second favorite reminder.

Her first was the same as Carmen's.

God's time, not mine.

Forcing a baby was me trying to decide something for myself. When would I learn?


"I've decided it's time to move on from the convent. I've made peace with Ariana's life and the loss of her. I was hoping that you'd grant me forgiveness."

We were staring at the Hudson, and she was sitting there rubbing her fingers on her rosary absently.

How often did she do that?

"Forgiveness for what?"

"She was your soulmate, Santana. I believe that a piece of her lives within you and vice versa. Your life spiraled after her loss because a piece of you was gone. So, I'm asking that piece of her that resides in you if it's okay for me to move on from this constant state of mourning."

I put my hand on hers, taking hold of one of the beads.

At some point, the ashes that made up those beads had been my first love. Ari had known that Goli would have trouble letting her go, so she'd had that rosary made from her ashes.

Now though, Goli was finished.

"She would tell you that you're an idiot for thinking you must be forgiven for something you had no control over."

Gloria chuckled, nodding as she pulled open my hand and dropped the rosary onto my palm.

"Will you keep her safe for me?"

"Always."

"I thought it would be easy to commit the rest of my life to the convent in honor of her, but she'd hate that. I think I realize that now."

"So, what will you do?"

"I will visit my family in South Carolina for a bit. I have some new nieces and nephews; after that, I will lean into God's will for me. I have no idea what it is, but I'm open."

"Ari wanted to travel, did you know?"

"Yes."

"I think a way to honor her is to take these ashes and travel. Go see the world; I'll fund you."

"You don't have to do that."

"I have more money than I know what to do with, Goli. Take some of it and see the world…take a bead and leave one wherever you go…that way, a piece of her is in all the places you've gone."

Gloria's eyes lit up.

"She'd love that."

"I know." I said, feeling a warmth fill me, which I hadn't fully felt since I'd kissed Ari's cooling forehead after her death.

It was like she was there giving approval.

"Thank you, Santana." She said after I kissed the rosary before handing it back to her.

"Keep her safe." I said, and she pulled me into a tight hug.

My tears were unexpected as she rubbed my back and let me cry it out. It'd been so long since I'd been held without explaining why I was sad.

With my family and B, I always had to assure them I wasn't spiraling back to drugs, and with Quinn, there was a line that kept us from comforting each other for more than a few seconds, even now that Celia was still in rehab, and Q was living just across the hall.

We still weren't us, but Goli filled that void. I'd miss her when she was gone, but I was so happy that she was leaving.

Once I stopped sobbing against her habit, she pulled back and bowed her head in a quick prayer, then she took a deep breath and popped the rosary before handing me one of the beads.

"Whatever you're dealing with, Santana, remember that you don't send God places; he sends you. Just like I am certain you came to see me the day I decided to move on, it wasn't by accident. God sent you here."

"He did?"

"Yes, and not just for me. I believe you also needed to hear what I have to say."

"And what's that?" I wiped my cheeks before smiling at her.

She rubbed my cheek and smiled back. "You need to let go of whatever is holding you back from being in the moment. You'll miss the time you have with people you love who are still here. I'd give anything to have Ari with me, but those we've lost are gone. You must let go of the guilt from losing Angel; it's holding you back."

I bit my lips as the tears came.

It wasn't just the loss of Angel that I was holding…I still held onto losing my parents, Ian and Ari, just as tightly.

"It's really hard."

"She's always been with you, even more so in Gia. God gave you a piece of the one you lost, just like he gave me you, and I don't take that for granted, so please promise me that you won't either."

I nodded and choked out a sob. "I promise."

"Good. Go home, handle what you're running from. I need to drop one of these beads in Ari's favorite spot in the city."

I watched Goli walk away as I rolled the bead between my fingers.

And just like I had in the past, I could feel those who'd passed walking with me.

"God's time, not yours." I felt the chill across my shoulders and the faint sound of Ari's voice. I took a deep breath and then decided to listen.

Finally.


Brittany's POV


"So we're clear, you're leaving against medical advice." The stupid little baby doctor said to me after all my tests came back clean except for the diabetes one.

"I live across the hall from a doctor. If I need something, she'll take care of me."

"Okay, sign here and initial there. Would you like me to get Dr. Lopez?"

"Is she finished working?"

"I can find out for you."

"Good, do that."

I was annoyed as I put my clothes back on. My body was at the top of the list of everything I counted on in my life.

Sure, I ate like crap in high school, but after Dad's first heart attack, I got better about what I put in my body.

That didn't seem to matter because a mistake I had made a decade before was coming back to haunt me again, and all my wife could talk about was having another baby.

It was like she was taunting me because I couldn't carry a baby like she could.

We had three healthy kids; that was more than enough.

I had my suspicions, though, that she wouldn't stop until she had a fresh baby in her arms.

And from what I was almost sure of, she would get her wish sooner than she thought.

Mari came into my room with a tablet in her hand, shaking her head. "Where are you going?"

"Home."

"Why?"

"Mari, you know my timing right?"

"I've heard it's pretty spot on."

"Well, a lot of it is based on a feeling I get right behind my belly button, like a tingle."

"You didn't tell us that; it's not on your chart."

"It's been happening since I was little. It's not a bad thing; it's a good thing if I move fast enough. My timing has made me a great dancer and helped me save your sister from herself. So when I tell you that I need to go home, it's because if I don't, I feel like something bad is going to happen that I could have stopped."

"Hey." Ana was back, looking sweaty and out of breath, like she had run here.

"Why aren't you home?" I said, sitting back down on my bed.

"I never went, I had to do something else first, and then, well, I needed to see you."

"What something else did you do?" Mari said, looking Ana over skeptically. "I didn't believe you were on drugs before, but this restlessness and sweaty look are making me question my thinking."

"For the love of God, I am not high!" She snapped, sounding so much like herself. Ana walked past her sister and stepped closer to me until we were nearly eye to eye. "You always search my eyes. Do I look high?"

I leaned in and sniffed her because she didn't look high but smelled different. "What's that smell?"

She grabbed her purse and pulled out a box; the smell was suddenly stronger.

"Incense for my meditation studio. I went to the convent to talk with Goli, stopped at a smoke shop for some incense, and then went to a meeting. I got some clarity on everything and needed to come to see you right away…visiting hours are almost over, so I ran here…I forgot how amazing my body feels after a run."

"Oh!" I slapped my forehead, "This is a runner's high."

Ana grinned. "Yes!"

"I'm proud of you." I whispered to her before pulling her into a hug, and she clung to me, kissing my neck repeatedly.

"I'm so sorry, Britt. You're so right; I have been so stuck trying to get a do-over after losing Angel that I stopped thinking about why I carry our little ones and not you. I'm so sorry I was so insensitive."

"Hey, it's okay. I get it; you don't like to be bested. I'm the same way. My body betrayed me today…and yours did when we lost Angel, but we can't change that, and there's no promise that the next time we won't lose another one. I don't think I can go through that again."

"You're right. Our three kids are here and healthy. I need to focus on them and on you. I've done this diabetes thing, the glucose meter and the needles. We will figure this out together."

"Thank you."

"Good, tell your wife she'll be fine here overnight." Mari said, and Ana looked at me with a small smile.

"We're good at home, B. You do so much for the kids and me. Tonight, you need to rest and put yourself first because if you don't, I'll call Susan."

"You wouldn't dare." I glared.

"I have no problem doing it. I don't care if I end up over your knee."

"On that note, I'll be in the hall." Mari said, and I laughed.

"Fine, I'll stay!" I called after her.

"Good, Santana was right, though. Visiting hours are over in five minutes."

"Is your shift done, Mari?" Ana asked her sister, who looked both curious and a little nauseated.

"Yup, wanna split a cab?"

"Yes, please. Can we have a minute alone?"

"You have four minutes now. Make it quick!"

Ana climbed onto my lap and brushed my hair away from my face.

"You scared me today, B." She searched my eyes and then gave me a tiny smile. "I need you to know that I didn't seek out Marco; I was visiting because he needed to talk to me about Sugar. I'll tell him I won't need his help making a baby. You'll tell me, though, if you change your mind?"

"I'm not changing my mind, Baby."

"But you'll tell me?"

I sighed, she needed hope, but I didn't want to give it to her. Losing Angel was so painful for both of us. I almost lost Santana when she walked around after carrying a baby that would never live.

I was anxious to know about Sugar, but I wasn't sure this was the moment I should bring it up but then she did.

"He told me that Nikolai and Sugar are in the city. They've been here longer than you have. Did you know?"

"No, but that does explain things." My suspicions were higher than ever. "That's why I told you to talk to Dani; she's been sneaking out. Izzy told me this morning that if Sugar and Nikolai are here, Dani will probably see him."

"Shit."

There was a knock on the door. "If you want, we can talk to Dani together." I said, but she looked anxious.

"No, if it's okay with you, can I handle this alone?"

"Sure, baby."

"Thanks, B. I don't want her to feel ambushed. I'll be back here tomorrow to pick you up and update you on everything."

"Good, now kiss me before you leave." I growled, and she leaned in and kissed me hard. The smoky smell was stronger than incense. I hadn't been wrong.

I pulled back, and she bit her lip.

"It was one cigar." She admitted.

"And how many did you buy?"

"Four."

"Can I hold them for you?"

"That's not necessary, B."

"I'm asking." I said, and she pouted before sliding off my lap to retrieve her purse.

The door opened, and Mari was standing there tapping her foot.

But Ana didn't look at her. Instead, she held out a small wooden box of cigars; she'd sprung for the expensive ones.

"Are you mad?" She asked, and I rolled my eyes.

"No, I just want you to go easy with the smoke. Izzy's lungs are finally doing good. Don't want you to mess that up. Go to Mari's, take a shower and then go home."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously." I pulled her down for one more kiss, and she melted against me.

I felt dizzy and then pulled back, "I love you, B." She said, kissing me a few more times.

"I love you too. Now go."

"Say less."


Once Ana left, I sat through a long explanation of how to check my sugar and measure my insulin before they brought me dinner.

I picked at the salad, but it wasn't what I really wanted.

It was a Tuesday, which meant it was taco night at home.

Izzy had been playing around in the kitchen for months and had asked us to have a family dinner once a week that was just us, Dama and her kids.

So, I opened up my phone and called him over video.

"Hi. Are you okay?" He asked as he adjusted his chef's hat.

"Yes, what kind of tacos are you making tonight?"

"Birria. Dani is making a mocktail to go with them. Norah made a cake." He rolled his eyes because Norah was always around since we'd moved to New York. Dani was supposed to be his best friend, but she didn't really have time for him as much. "I wish you and Mami were here."

"Yum! Me too, Izzy."

"Are you coming home soon?"

"Tomorrow, but Mami is on her way home now."

"Perfect. Okay, I need to focus on the food. Feel better, Mama."

"Thanks, Buddy, save me a taco, okay."

"Okay, feel better, okay?"

"Yeah, thanks, Buddy."

"Is that Mama?" I heard Dani in the background.

"Yes, we were just hanging up."

"Don't be rude. You're not her only kid. I want to talk to her too."

"Fine, just go to the living room. I need to concentrate." He grumbled.

"Asshole." Dani muttered as she filled the screen, her face chunkier than it had been just a few days before. "Hi, Mama! What happened to you?"

"Don't call your brother an asshole."

"Then tell him to stop being one. Asperger's or not, he doesn't need to be rude."

"Is there something you wanted to talk about, Dani?"

She bit her lip and started walking towards a quieter part of the penthouse.

"Tell me what's wrong first. I don't want to like kill you or anything."

"Nothing you could say can top the stuff your mother has thrown at me over the years."

"True."

"Talk to me."

"I think…I um…I think I'm pregnant."

I nodded, waiting for her to cry or plead for me to not say anything to Ana, but instead, she was staring at me, waiting for me to react.

"Okay."

"That's it? You're not going to freak out on me or something?"

"What good would that do?"

She started biting her nail and then shrugged. "It's Nikolai's. He and Sweetie have been staying at the midtown house, but I bet you knew that already."

"Actually, Dani, I didn't know."

"Well, Sweetie asked Walker for that house, so then Walker told you something was wrong with it, so you and Mama stayed away."

"Of course, sounds like something Sugar would do."

"I think Mami is going to freak out…when are you coming home? I need your help to tell her."

"Nope. I didn't get you in this situation, kid. You need to be honest with Mami and your Papa. He's not going to be happy about this."

"I know. It's hard because when you aren't around, it's like Mami's temper is explosive."

"Is it?"

This was my first time hearing about Ana freaking out on the kids.

That was new.

"Is she exploding or something?"

"No, she just yells something about not being able to have anything in this house and then shuts herself up in your room or goes out on the patio."

"I didn't know that."

Someone was going over my knee.

"What do I do?"

"This is probably something that your Dama can help you with."

"Mami will be pissed if I tell her first."

"Well, if you're not, then there is no use upsetting Mami. Go see Quinn, talk to her about it, and if Mami gets upset, blame me."

"When are you coming home?"

"Tomorrow."

"Okay, I think I'll talk to Dama tonight when she comes over, and then when I know for sure, I'll talk to Mami."

"Sounds like a plan."

"Daniela?" I heard Ana's voice. She sounded different. "Why are you in my closet?"

"I just needed to have a private conversation."

"With who?"

"Mama."

Immediately, Ana's voice shifted.

"Oh, give me the phone, go wash up for dinner. Your brother is in the kitchen whining about no one respecting his time and hard work."

"He is such a drama queen. I love you, Mama." Dani said, and then she blew me a kiss before handing the phone over.

Ana looked freshly showered and calmer than when she'd left.

"You're supposed to be resting."

"I wanted to check in on the kids."

"How are you feeling?" She asked, perching the phone on the dresser while she changed into her pajamas.

I whistled at the sight of her abs, and she rolled her eyes.

"Perv."

"Ana."

"Yeah?"

"Dani's had a rough day. Maybe save the talk for another day."

"What did she tell you?"

"That she had a rough day, so just be easy tonight. They're worried about me."

"Yeah, I can do that. I'm kind of exhausted too."

"Then maybe have a movie night, something fun."

"What's up, B? You're acting weird."

"I just want to know that everyone is happy and there's no fighting tonight."

"Uh…okay."

"I love you, Santana."

"Ew, full name? Are you still mad at me?"

"No, that's not it. I just love you."

"I love you too, Brittany."

"Good, I'm tired, so have a good night and take pictures, okay?"

"We do this every Tuesday, B."

"Just take pictures, please?"

"Okay, I love you."

"I love you too."


Santana's POV


I'm not an idiot.

Clearly, something was happening with Daniela, and Britt was at least partially aware of it.

I'd been through almost everything; why would our daughter go to Britt instead of me?

To make matters worse, Daniela cornered Quinn as soon as dinner was over and asked to speak with her alone.

Q looked at me before nodding at Daniela like she was unsure of talking to my daughter without me.

Norah and Isaac were in the kitchen cleaning the dishes, and I decided that I couldn't wait to be let in on the big secret.

"Do either of you know what's going on with Daniela?"

Isaac shrugged and went back to scrubbing his favorite pan, but Norah flinched.

Her parents were both at home enjoying a night in after double shifts at the hospital, so Norah was spending the night with us.

As a guest in our home, I knew she wouldn't lie to me.

Her parents had raised her way better than I had raised Daniela.

"No, Titi Ana, I don't know anything." She finally mumbled.

I didn't want to prod her further because I knew it would mean that Mari would be down my throat about interrogating her child, so I backed off.

People wanted to leave me out of shit, say less.

I went to Gia's room and got her ready for bed, hoping to soak up a little of her sunshine.

She curled up in her bed with Isaac's old Elmo, the one I hadn't tainted, and smiled at me.

"Can you sing to us, Mami?"

Snix Jr. was asleep at Gia's feet, but I knew he wouldn't mind a show.

I sat on the floor, took my baby girl's hand and began to sing to her softly.

Everything else faded to the background as I brushed her blonde curls from her face.

She reminded me so much of Ari, and it made me want to cry.

God's time, not mine.

Whatever was going on with Daniela would someday be old news to me. I had to believe that I had taught her that I would always love her enough for her to tell me anything.

It'd been seven months since I had been in South Africa, listening to her sing those heartbreaking words.

In those months, my girl had stopped playing music and had given up on reclaiming her innocence. Instead, she was me at 13, and I was terrified of what that meant.

But I had to trust her. At the very least, Britt was aware of the situation, and there was no one I trusted more than my wife regarding our kids' wellbeing.

If she wasn't panicking, I needed to follow her lead, even though it was the last thing I wanted to do.


Quinn was using a cane these days, so she was easier to catch up to.

After all the kids were in bed that night, I poured myself a glass of wine and met Quinn on our newly undivided patio.

She was sitting staring at the stars with a book closed on her lap.

I held out the glass of wine, and she just stared at it.

"You love wine." I said, but she didn't move to take the glass, so I put it down on the ledge.

I sat on the lounger next to her and reached out to take her hand.

She pulled back. "Don't."

"We used to be best friends."

"That was a lifetime ago." Her voice was scratchy like she was fighting tears.

"Do you remember when we'd fall asleep together in my treehouse after talking about all of our troubles?"

"We were kids."

"You act like we're 90, Quinn."

"I don't drink." She sighed, and I turned my head to look at her.

She was staring at me with tears in her eyes. "Since when?"

"I haven't had a drink in over five years."

"What?!"

"My parents, my ex-girlfriend, and my wife are alcoholics…drinking stops being fun when you start to believe that people are drinking to put up with you."

"Well, that's dumb."

"Did I mention that my best friend is also a drug addict?"

"Okay, ouch."

"Why did you come out here?"

"I needed air."

"Why do you even have wine? You don't drink, and neither does B."

"I keep it for family parties."

"Well, you shouldn't."

"Are you going to tell me what you talked to my daughter about?"

"Nope." She looked away from me and back at the sky.

"Why not?"

"I vowed to you that I would always have their backs, even if it was against you."

"When did you do that?"

"Right around when I found you high off your ass when you were heavily pregnant with Izzy, you were distraught because he wouldn't kick."

"And you touched my stomach, and he woke up."

"Exactly; I got you back on your feet and protected your kids even when you wouldn't."

"Are you saying that I'm not protecting my kids now?"

"I don't want to fight, Santana, but I won't break her confidence."

"Is she on drugs? I just need to know."

"She's not."

"Okay…if it's not drugs, then it's something I can handle…I hate that you aren't telling me, but I love you for always having my kids' backs."

"It's what godmother does."

"I wouldn't know."

"Your mother told you, San, it's bad luck to be each other's kids' godparents."

"I know, but I still feel like I'm better than Mari and Saul."

"You're not, though, and that's okay."

"Is it?"

Quinn didn't respond. Instead, she finally took my hand and squeezed it.

My heart was breaking from the pain of being left in the dark, but I had to keep reminding myself.

God's time, not mine.


Long after Quinn went to sleep, I sat on the patio and prayed as I rolled the Ari bead between my fingers.

As I got deeper into prayer, the sound of a piano drifted into my consciousness.

Daniela.

I hesitated at first, but then I felt that internal push.

Now.

I climbed the stairs up to the loft, and there she was, singing softly as she played. The last tenant had turned the piano so that you were viewing the Empire State Building instead of the rest of the loft.

Daniela was deep in the zone; I could tell because when I moved to stand next to the piano, she didn't stop playing until she was through her song.

Once the music stopped and I looked over at her, I could see that she was near tears.

"Beba, that was beautiful."

"Thank you."

"Do you want to tell me what's on your mind?"

"I do, but I'm afraid of your judgment."

"Mamita, I am not going to judge you."

"You don't know that."

"I do."

She slid onto the bench, and I sat beside her.

I was staring at the keys when she slid something in front of me.

Two positive pregnancy tests.

I was stuck as I stared down at them, and then I knew why she'd gone to Quinn, the teen mom.

And I wasn't even mad about it.

I had made Quinn their Godmother so they felt like they could go to her when they couldn't come to me.

"It's Nikolai's."

"Okay…how are you feeling about it?"

I finally looked at her and saw the desperation on her face.

She was scared I would shun her, but I didn't have a leg to stand on. I was a teen mom too.

But she wasn't even a teenager yet, this was a big fucking deal, and the whole family would freak out.

I wondered if this was why Britt was so adamant about no more kids…we would be grandparents soon enough.

Shit.

"I'm terrified."

"Well, you should be; being a mom is so hard. You have this life that you are fully responsible for, and every mistake you make could hurt them for life. This won't be easy, but if you decide you want to take this on, know that I will be there every step."

"You will?" Her eyes got wide.

"Hell yeah, that's my grandbaby, and while I didn't expect to say that for at least another ten years, I'm still excited."

"So you're not mad?"

"Oh, I'm pissed, Beba, because this means your life will be much more challenging, and I wanted you to have an easy life. It will be more difficult if you still want to be a producer, but you have a whole village in your corner."

"Thank you, Mami!"

I opened my arms, and she leaned against me, and while I held her tight, I kept kissing her head.

Be careful what you wish for.

I wanted a baby so badly, and now I'd have one…just not in the way I had wanted.

And then the realization dawned on me, Britt and I were probably the sanest of this baby's grandparents.

This baby would need me way more than another kid would.

"I love you, Beba."

"I love you too. I'm sorry I've disappointed you by sneaking out and messing up my life."

"Your life isn't messed up, I'll make sure of that, but I hope you enjoyed sneaking out because once that baby gets here, those days are over."

"You'll help me, though, right?"

"Of course, I'll support you as much as I can, but at the end of the day, you'll be responsible for the baby, not me or Mama. You."

She looked nervous and then nodded, "Okay."

"I love you, Beba."

"I love you too, Mami."


Brittany's POV


I was back to work on Wednesday against Ana's wishes, but I had my sugar situation handled. It was just another thing I needed to manage, and I was good at that.

But August had heard about me falling and was hovering as I went through Tony's dance warm-up to prove I was okay to come back.

Frankie was standing against the wall until I began to spin as if she was waiting to catch me if I fell, but I wouldn't.

I was ready for this.

"You don't have to do this, Brittany; taking a day off is okay." August assured me, but I didn't want to hear it.

I looked at Ari's pointe shoes and took a deep breath. I had seen Ari kill an 8-hour practice right after a chemo session, so if she could handle that, I could handle diabetes.

Once I had my focal point locked in, I began twirling, spotting those shoes each time.

Six spins consecutively were my goal.

The day before, I could only make it about three before I was dizzy.

Today I would make it six, but I needed to at least make it to four.

One down, I had a clear head.

Two, and I couldn't stop smiling.

Three, and the heat hit me.

Four, and I felt the dizziness wash over me, but instead of stumbling, I kept my eyes on those shoes and did two quick spins before reaching for the barre to stop my momentum.

"Drink this." Frankie said, thrusting a bottle of water in my face. "I won't have your wife in here nagging the shit out of us every day just because you keep passing out."

"I'm fine."

"Listen to her, B!" I heard Ana say, and then I saw Frankie's phone perched on the speaker.

Ana was staring at me, and I rolled my eyes.

"I'm fine!"

"You said that yesterday, repeatedly. You proved that you could do six, now do something else. We get it; you can do six spins flawlessly; now you can stop."

She was biting her lip, "Ana, are you okay?"

"You went straight to work from the hospital before I got there."

"Because it's up the street."

"Take it easy, B…I'm asking." She said, and even though that wasn't how things worked, I could see the pleading in her eyes, and I couldn't deny her.

"Okay, Ana, no more spins today."

"Thank you! Now, Isaac wants you to know that he is making dinner again tonight, so don't be late."

"Okay, I won't be."

"The kids are in school, B…maybe you can take a half-day and come home."

Before I could object, August, who had been listening, clapped his hands together. "Actually, I'm dismissing all of you today. You have been killing it with practices, but I can't have you working yourselves into the ground before we even have a cast. So, take the rest of the week off. I'll see you three back here on Monday."

Ana fist-pumped, and I rolled my eyes. "I guess I'll see you sooner than I thought."

"Good! I'll make you something to eat. Are you hungry?"

"Starving." I winked, and Frankie took her phone.

"Okay, that's enough with the sappiness. You two will see each other in a few minutes. Save the foreplay for your own time. I have a wife to surprise."


"So it's true." I said as I sat across the counter from my wife, who had just dropped the pregnancy bomb on me.

"Yes."

"Wow."

"I know; she came to me, Britt. I didn't have to hound her."

"Good. She's been worried about you exploding on her." I raised my eyebrow, and Ana froze.

"Explode?"

"Yeah, apparently, you can't have anything nice in this house."

"She told you about that?"

"Yup."

"I can't explain…the fucking used our new leather couch as a fucking scratching post."

"You're worth nearly a billion dollars, Santana. I'm sure you can afford to replace the couch."

"That's not the point."

"Do you need me to help you with this need to control things?"

"No. I'm so not in the mood for you to make my ass hurt. How about instead, we take advantage of this empty apartment, and you let me ride you."

"Ride me? I am not too tired to fuck you, Baby."

"Let me be the judge of that. Finish your sandwich."

"You first. I'm nearly done, and you have only picked off your crusts."

Her hands shook as she pulled her sandwich apart, then she raised a piece to her mouth before hesitating and putting it back down.

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Did you know that Quinn doesn't drink?"

"Yeah, so?"

"I didn't."

"Not surprised; it's not like you're still best friends."

"We are best friends." She said, looking at me in shock.

"No, you're not. I've seen you as best friends, and you are definitely not."

"I resent that."

"You can resent it all you want, but that doesn't change the truth. Think about it, you've been across the hall from each other every day, your kids are in school, and neither of you is working. Have you seen her today?"

"Not yet."

"Would you be seeing her if I wasn't home?"

"Um…I don't know; she gets busy. She has PT every day."

"All day long?"

"No."

"Face it, Baby, the trinity is over. It's just her and us. But she came to Lima when I needed her."

"And did you spend any time together?"

"Not really."

"Exactly, because she was there for our kids just like she promised to always be. She wasn't there for you."

"We are supposed to start together and end together, B."

She looked like she was going to cry, and I couldn't let her ruin our alone time by having a whole hormonal spiral.

I reached out and took her shaking hand, "Maybe this is just a break, and we will end together like we said we would. Just a hiccup. Okay?"

"You think so?"

"Yes."

"Okay, just a hiccup."

I climbed off my stool and walked around the counter to be closer to her. I wrapped my arms around her, and she leaned into me. "I need you to eat your food, Ana; you'll need your energy for what I want to do with you."

"Say less." She said with a grin, and then I watched her eat her sandwich without hesitation.

I felt like I needed to talk to Quinn about things for my wife because I was a part of this trinity, so maybe it was my turn to be the glue.

We'd all taken a turn, so I was due to make things better.

Hopefully, I didn't make things worse.


Ana was glowing after I spent hours proving to her that I wasn't weak. After I made love to her, we shared a bubble bath where she rubbed my back and let me be the little spoon.

I still had all those sticky things on me from the hospital, and she took her time getting them off my skin, then scrubbing away the glue.

"We're going to be grandmom's B."

"That's so weird."

"Are you with me about supporting her?"

"Duh, she's our baby."

"Exactly."

"Do you think people won't support her?"

"Yeah, she's 12, everyone will have an opinion, and I'll do my best to shield her from it, but I can't stop the world."

"As long as she knows that we are in her corner, Ana, she will be okay. Dani is our strong one."

"She gets that from you, Britt Britt."

"I wish."

She kissed my shoulder and then squeezed me tight. "I love you."

"I love you more."

"Not possible."

"If you say so."


I left to go meet Izzy at school while Ana decided to do some cleaning.

Everything was calm.

But then I got home, and Dani was on the phone crying.

Ana was on her phone, too, talking a mile a minute in Spanish.

Something was wrong.

"Am I still cooking?" Izzy asked.

"Go do your homework; I'll figure that out and let you know."

"Okay…can you make it fast, though? I need to know what I'm making."

"Sure, Buddy. Go do what I asked, please."

"Yes, Mama."

I moved next to Ana and pressed my palm against her lower back. She looked at me with wide eyes as she nodded in response to the person on the phone.

"What's going on?" I whispered, and she held up her finger for me to wait.

"No." She said, "Igualmente. Cuídate"

And then she ended the call and looked from me to Dani, who was still blubbering into the phone.

"What is it?"

"Marco is missing. Daniela went to check in on him and give him her news, but he was gone. He's not answering his phone, not even for me."

"So maybe he went to get cleaned up and can't talk."

"He's broke, Britt. He can't afford rehab; I've financially supported him for years."

"You never told me that."

"It's not important."

"It so is!" I snapped, fully ready to argue with her unhealthy relationship with her ex-husband, but then Dani slid to the floor and started sobbing.

"No!" Dani said, "I don't believe you, Abuelo."

Ana took the phone from Dani, "Suegro, Que te pasa?"

I watched her face get tight, and then her hand covered her mouth. "Santana?" I said, trying to get some fucking answers.

"They found him; his DNA matches a John Doe at the morgue in Miami-Dade. Overdose." She sounded like a robot.

It couldn't be right.

Marco was going to live forever.

He was only 40.