Disclaimer:

Carol Peletier, Sophia Peletier, King Ezekiel, Henry, Jerry, Shiva, and any other recognizable character or plot of The Walking Dead belong to AMC Network and Skybound Entertainment, Image Comics and Robert Kirkman.

In no way is the author claiming ownage of any of the characters nor is there any economic/monetary gain at any time. The author is extremely respectful of the original creators and is willing to take down this work of fiction if requested.

No copyright infringement intended.

Original characters are the property of the author.


Keeper of My Heart: Stay or Disappear


What is she going to do?

She hadn't been lying when she told Ezekiel that for a second she'd allowed herself to believe they'd be able to escape Ed's grasp. Every time she saw Sophia laughing, every time she saw Sophia playing with Ezekiel, and every time she saw her daughter try something previously prohibited to her, she had dreamt of it. With every glimmer of the love Ezekiel held for her, every kiss they shared, and every embrace they'd use as an excuse to just be with one another, she'd allowed herself to dream of a future of freedom, of laughter and maybe if they were lucky enough and whatever they had grew even more, a future of love with Ezekiel by their side.

She'd been dumb, she knows that now.

With the threat of Ed taking Sophia, Carol knows the chances of that happening are very slim.

A part of her, the one that sounds very much like Ed, tells her she was stupid to leave him. He abused her daily, there was no denying that but at least she had some food, a roof over her head, and a chance to stay alive if she played her cards right. She knows she cannot go back to him, he will surely kill her if she does and she can't stay here turning Ezekiel's world upside down and having Michonne hovering over her, pressuring her into doing something she doesn't want to do.

The only other choice is to run. She can go to a woman's shelter, find her bearings, maybe find a job that pays her enough to get a second-hand car and just leave the state. If she keeps moving, finding small jobs along the way maybe Ed won't find them.

"Mama?" She hears her daughter's soft and fearful voice.

They've been in Ezekiel's room all day as Carol turns her thoughts over and over. At first, Sophia had napped since her full belly had made her sleepy. When she'd woken Sophia had tried to reach the handle to be liberated from the 'prison' but she was far too short to reach. Afterward, she'd laid on the floor, ear against the ground, her little hands playing a game of swat with Shiva through the space between the floor and the door.

Carol opens her eyes, brushing away her tears so that she can hide them from her daughter. Sophia stands right by the bed, her hazel eyes showing the worry she feels. Once more, Carol feels like the worst mother in the world. She'd wanted to spare Sophia the worry and instead, she had obviously pulled her away from the security she'd felt, had made her unsure and fearful.

"Up?" Sophia asks, raising her hands just enough so that Carol can pick her up.

Leaning over the end of the bed, Carol picks her up with a couple of grunts, raises her enough for her to clear the end of the bed then turns so that she can place Sophia beside her on the mattress. She waits for Sophia to wiggle until she's comfortable and settled before giving her a tiny quivering smile. They share a pillow, their noses almost brushing together.

"Mama?" Sophia once again breaks the silence. "Mama otay?" Her daughter's tiny hands caress her cheeks, playing with the evidence of her tears.

"I'm not sure, sweet pea," Carol admits truthfully. She's never liked lying to Sophia and she's not going to start now.

"Stay?" Sophia's voice becomes even more unsure. She's seen this pattern in her mother before, where she will try to leave only to be reminded of the impossible situation they are stuck in and eventually going back to their worst nightmare.

"I don't know, Soph." She feels a dagger piercing her heart as Sophia's chin starts to quiver, her eyes filling with unshed tears almost instantly.

"Don't cry, my love," Carol begs to her, pulling her a little bit closer, trying to reassure her that no matter where they go they will go together.

"No leave, pwease." Sophia begs against her mother's chest. She can already feel her shirt becoming wet from her daughter's tears.

"We might have to, Sophia," Carol admits to her daughter. She pulls back just enough to create some space between them before curling forward slightly so that she can look into her daughter's eyes. "Mama isn't sure what's gonna happen, but I can promise you one thing. You and me, we aren't going to be separated. Not now, not ever. Understood?"

Sophia takes a second to answer before she gives a tiny nod. "Zekey and Shiva?"

Carol bites her lip, unsure of what to tell her. She knows Sophia wants to stay, she loves both Ezekiel and Shiva dearly and they provide her with happiness and strength that she had never seen her daughter wield, but there's also the fact that she can't put Ezekiel in danger and he'll be in danger every second they remain there. She can't turn his life upside down just by staying, she can't ask him to do it. It wouldn't be fair.

"Zekey and Shiva, Mama?" Sophia repeats with a little bit more insistence.

"I don't know, Soph. I just don't know."

Sophia dissolves into tears, deep sobs that shake her whole body. Carol wants nothing more than to assure her that Ezekiel and Shiva will still be in their lives but she can't do it, she can't promise that when they might have to leave and never see them again.

As Sophia continues crying, her sobs getting louder, Carol hears fast scratching on the other side of the door that only gets stronger and more desperate as the seconds tick by. She then hears heavy footsteps approaching and the sudden stop of the scratching only to hear tiger yelps as Ezekiel pulls Shiva away.

"No, my dear one." She hears him say. "We must respect their space and let them be."

"Zekey!" Sophia whimpers once his voice has filtered through. "Zekeeyy! Shivaaaaa!"

Little Sophia struggles against her mother in an attempt to reach them. Knowing Sophia will only hurt herself and go into a full meltdown if she doesn't let her go, Carol releases her hold on the toddler. Sophia instantly scoots away, slides down the opposite edge of the bed and makes a run for the door. Carol can hear her struggling grunts as she tries to reach the doorknob to no avail. When Sophia's finally had enough and her tiny body can't deal with her emotions any longer, she gives up, falls to the floor and cries even louder.

Unable to hear her daughter's tears, Carol drags herself out of the bed and towards her crying toddler. "Soph, sweet pea," she calls to her as she reaches to help her into a sitting position. Sophia's little legs twitch and flail in her desperation and fear. Carol knows there will be no getting through to her, not when she's worked herself into such a state. She can't blame her either for she too wants to cry and rave and loudly declare that none of this is fair.

She can't put Sophia through it any longer, can't hear her pitiful cries so she moves away from her desperate toddler and slides towards the door, opening it and finally letting Sophia out. As soon as the door is open, Sophia pushes herself into a standing position and dashes out of the room, her cries all the while getting louder. Carol knows her daughter will seek out the security that both Ezekiel and Shiva give her and she can't fault her for it. She can't help but feel like a further failure that for the first time in all of Sophia's life she isn't her daughter's source of comfort.

She gives Sophia a moment to calm down, hearing Ezekiel's soft voice as he soothes her, before moving down the hallway and out to the living room. Carol makes sure to brush away any sign of her tears as to not alert him of what she's been doing. "Do not fret Princess Sophia, your father will not hurt you any longer. I will not allow it, your Mama will not allow it."

"No go?" She hears Sophia ask, her voice trembling.

Ezekiel lets out a pained sigh which makes her stop short. "I'm afraid I cannot guarantee that."

A tiny whimper from her daughter digs further into Carol's soul. "But why?"

"Because your Mama is doing everything she believes to be right for your protection." She hears Ezekiel explain. "She loves you, unconditionally, and she only wants your well-being. I tried to provide that here, with Shiva and Michonne, but a mother's heart knows best and if your Mama believes your safety lies away from here, then I agree."

It surprises Carol how much Ezekiel understands her without her having to voice her fears. Without her telling him, he knows that she's considering leaving, that she's afraid that Ed will find them and take Sophia, that she doesn't want Michonne pushing her daughter into a situation she doesn't approve of. Ed has never been able to read her that way, not that he'd ever tried. The sadness in his tone, the pain in his words also surprises her. Sure, she knew that he had a crush on her, had even told her he loved her, but up until that point she hadn't been aware of how them leaving would affect him. It sounded like it would deeply hurt him. It sounded like he too had started visualizing a future for them and that the dream being threatened made him terribly sad.

Carol peeks into the living room to find Ezekiel sitting on the sofa, Sophia sitting on his lap with her head resting against his chest as he smooths a hand in circular motions on her back and Shiva lays plastered to his side. She bites her lip as she tries to make up her mind on whether to let them be or join them. It's obvious Sophia needs his presence, his reassurance and Carol doesn't want to bring in anything that might disrupt that. She's about to retreat back into Ezekiel's room when she sees Sophia start suckling at her thumb and Ezekiel raising a hand to brush something off his face.

Ezekiel is crying.

Why is he crying?

Had the thought of them leaving him really affected him that much?

Had the thought of never seeing them again brought him to tears?

Deciding to not go back, Carol takes a step into the living room, announcing her presence. She notices Sophia instantly burying further into Ezekiel's embrace. Silently, she makes her way to their side and sits down beside them. She doesn't know where to start, what to tell them, so she remains quiet as she debates whether she should even say anything at all.

"I know this is what you must do," Ezekiel eventually says, breaking the silence between them. "In my desire to help you break out of your chains I failed to support you in what matters the most; Sophia."

Carol opens her mouth to say something but Ezekiel shakes his head slightly, silently asking her to give him a chance to finish. "There is nothing more in this world that I desire than for you and Sophia to be safe and happy. I can say that with no heaviness to my soul. I had hoped and wished for that safety to be in our home... my home, but if that means that you and our... and Princess Sophia need to find a new safe home, then I will personally ensure it is the safest that can be. You have my word on the matter."

"You've already given us so much Ezekiel, I can't ask you to give any more." She looks down at her hands, afraid that if she looks into his eyes she will find her pain mirrored in them. She knows it's there but seeing it will surely break her.

"That is the issue, Carol. You haven't asked, you haven't requested a single thing. I have provided because I desired to do so." Ezekiel explains. "Because you and this little one have stolen my heart."

"I can't let him have her." She reminds him, turning her head just a bit so that she can see him out of the corner of her eyes. "He will hurt her and kill me. I just can't let her testify because I can't allow him or his lawyer to have a chance to hurt her more than he already has. The only other chance I have is to leave, go as far away as I can and just disappear."

"I understand that." Carol turns to look at him with a raised eyebrow as if to question his words. As she had predicted, the pain and sadness that Ezekiel feels is reflected in his eyes. She wants nothing more than to kiss it away but knows she can't. "I understand your top priority is Sophia. I too would vanish if it meant ensuring her safety, but this is still a safe place Carol. I know it might not seem so right now, I know your anxiety has trapped in a sense of flight, but rest assured, this is still your home, it will always be, and it is still a safe place for you and Sophia to remain."

"Michonne..."

"Michonne is a lawyer, with a lawyer's mind. She is kind and tender when she desires, but she sometimes forgets to put herself in her friend's place when she is in the middle of a legal battle. It was my failure to stand beside you upon hearing about Sophia testifying that let her go as far as to push you into something you do not desire. I beg your forgiveness for it. "

"I have nothing to forgive, Ezekiel," Carol assures him.

Ezekiel dips his head slightly to accept her words but remains silent afterward. It's Sophia, who had remained quiet up until that point, that breaks through by one again begging her mother to stay. "Mama, pwease stay? Pwease, Mama?"

"Soph..."

"Pwease, Mama." It breaks her heart to hear her daughter begging, to see her eyes once more filling with tears that roll down her chubby cheeks.

"I can only beg for you to reconsider, to see there is nothing for you to fear in this home." Ezekiel continues, adding his own begging to that of her daughter's. A quick look into his eyes tells her that he too is on the verge of crying though he has better control of his emotions and is holding back tears. "You and Sophia are safe here."

"I know," she whimpers, her own tears gathering and falling. "I know we are, but I can't risk it, I can't."

"Carol, if you leave, if you take Sophia with you and disappear, he will hunt you down as well. He will accuse you of kidnapping and the situation will be dire. Please... allow us to help you. I will have a conference with Michonne, I will draw the line for you and Sophia, the line she isn't allowed to traverse."

"And if he wins? If I trust Michonne and the law and he still wins and tries to take her?"

Ezekiel pauses for a moment to consider. She can see that his mind is working a mile an hour just by looking into his eyes.

What he says next is something she will never forget, something that screams to her the level of commitment he has developed with her daughter and with her. "Then we disappear together."

Carol instantly turns to look at him, her eyes wide. Even Sophia pulls back to look at Ezekiel for she knows what his words mean. Slowly she turns to look at her mother as if silently asking her if she had heard the same thing. When her mother offers her no answer, Sophia jumps in his lap, her hands instantly catching both of his cheeks so that he will turn to look at her. "Pwomise?" She asks as she quickly pulls one of her hands back, forms a fist then uncurls her pinky finger. There's an urgency in her daughter's voice that Carol has never heard before.

"I promise, Princess Sophia." Ezekiel must know what a pinky promise is and how important it is for children because he too does the same then intertwines his finger with Sophia's much smaller one.

"Shiva?"

Ezekiel gives her a sad smile. Carol knows the answer to that question but she remains quiet not wanting to break her daughter's heart. There is no doubt in her heart that if Ezekiel could take Shiva, he would.

What is she even thinking?

Carol shakes her head to clear the thoughts from her mind. She berates herself for having fallen so easily into the idea of the three leaving together. Running away with them would be dangerous and hard, not to mention that Ezekiel would have to uproot his whole life and possibly abandon Shiva. She can't see him leaving Shiva to her own devices. It's just impossible. Yet, if she closed her eyes and breaths for a second, she instinctively knows Ezekiel would disappear with them if she asks.

He is crazy to have said he'd leave with them and yet she knows, deep inside of her, that Ezekiel doesn't say it lightly. He doesn't agree to leave with them if things went south just for the sake of it. He was willing to change his whole life at the drop of a hat because he loves Sophia and he loves her, maybe even as much as she finds herself loving him.

"You are crazy. You can't leave." She reminds him. "You can't leave Shiva. You can't just leave everything behind."

"I can and I will if it comes to it because the other alternative, the other prospect of living without you two is simply too impossible for me to fathom." There's a rawness in his voice that Carol hadn't been prepared to hear, a rawness that tells her he is not lying. "Unless you would rather I not be around you. If you were to express your desire for my departure, I would do it as well. I have never meant to push you into something you do not desire."

"I don't..." She stammers before stopping herself to gather her thoughts. She quickly wipes away the tears that have fallen before looking towards the ceiling and taking in a deep breath. Finally, she continues. "I don't want you gone. I don't. I'm worried... that you'll grow to resent us and all the changes we bring, but you disappearing isn't what I want. It's not what Sophia wants. I just... I just don't know what to do. What to think. My mind is going a mile an hour in different directions and it's all... it's just too much."

She hides her face behind her hands, trying hard not to burst out crying, her curly hair falling around her face to further shield her. "I don't know what to do. I'm... terrified."

"You don't have to decide this very moment." She feels Ezekiel's hand press against her back but she doesn't move away this time, she doesn't fight the calmness his touch brings to her. She needs it. Her daughter needs it. If Ezekiel needs it as well to help ease his own pain and uncertainty, who is she to stop it? "You don't."

"I have to show you something." She parts her fingers just slightly as she feels Ezekiel get up and the sofa move as he takes his weight away. Carol catches glimpses between her fingers and manages to see Ezekiel's hand in front of her, his palm facing upward in the universal sign that tells her Ezekiel wants her to take his hand. "Come on."

She sighs but does as told, placing her hand in his and using his help to get up from the sofa. Besides her, Shiva lands as gracefully as a tiger cub can when getting off a high place. For a second Carol worries that she will hurt her leg again, but Shiva seems unbothered. A glance up shows her that Sophia continues snuggled against Ezekiel, her thumb in her mouth, looking as unsure as Carol feels and fiercely holding on to him.

"While you were exiled in your room I went on a mission." He explains as he guides them out of the living room and towards the room she knows as his study. "At your old residence were you able to access the internet?"

"No, Ed always made sure to take the desktop cable with him." She explains with a sniffle in a vain attempt to keep herself together. "He had a laptop but he never let me use it."

Having access to the internet meant that she would have access to resources; she'd be able to search places to go, find people who would help her and possibly reach out to those Ed had pulled her away from. "I was only allowed on the computer to search for ways to fix things."

"If by things you mean to say broken bones and wounds, I am afraid that I will punch your husband upon first seeing him." Again Ezekiel seemed to easily understand what she means and to prove, yet again, how wrong Ed had been by telling her no one would ever care about her and that she should be happy to be his wife. She kept quiet though, neither admitting nor denying anything for fear that Ezekiel would get in trouble.

"Why do you ask?" She asks instead, trying to divert the conversation away from her husband.

"I searched for your name," Ezekiel admits as he finally guides her to the chair in front of his computer. With a signal from him that he wants her to sit, Carol takes the spot in front of the screen.

"What?" she asks confused.

Ezekiel gives her a grin before gently placing Sophia on her lap. Surprisingly, he only struggles for a second in getting Sophia to let go before the little girl voluntarily sits on her lap and leans back, thumb still in her mouth. It seems her daughter has forgiven her for giving her a sense of insecurity for which Carol gives out a silent thanks.

"I searched your name on a video website. It was a long shot that anything would come up but I was hoping it would. I didn't find anything under Carol Peletier but I did find another Carol." It still doesn't make much sense to her why he'd search her name, or what he'd been hoping to find, and she feels that her confusion is plain to see on her face. "I searched for her instead and this popped up."

He leans forward, one of his hands presses against the back of the chair, helping to balance him, while the other reaches forward and moves the mouse. The screen turns on a second after, showing that a video has been paused. He directs the mouse to the large play button and clicks it.

It's not high quality, not at all, but even thru the pixelated image she can discern a ballerina in the middle of her dance, her lines perfect and her movements as graceful as they will ever be. She wears what appears to be a red tutu with embroidery in the middle all the way from her chest to the lowest part of her belly. Black lacing covers both the sides of the tutu and her shoulders while a cloth rose adorns her prestige hair bun. Carol quickly realizes that the young woman is dancing a piece from Don Quixote as she shows the power her body holds by jumping into a Kitri's Grand Jeté which requires her to arch her body backward, arms in perfect position, legs extended to either side of her body. The ballerina lands gracefully first on one foot then the other before automatically ending the portion of her dance by extending her body to its full height, one arm raised high and the other extended at her waist before continuing.

The image then changes. It's the same ballerina but instead of doing the Jeté she seems to be in the middle of doing doubles, her loose skirt dancing around her as she goes from doing her seven doubles into a triple Fouetté en Tournant. She knows the force needed behind that movement as it is one of the hardest to perform, the ballerina's body going into double the spins and force than a regular fouetté.

She's dancing beautifully.

In her lap, Sophia leans forward before pointing at the screen and mumbling around her thumb. "Mama!"

Carol gives a little chuckle. Only a child like Sophia could go from deep sadness and uncertainty into hopefulness and mirth. "Yes, Mama used to dance like that. Never as good as her though."

Sophia shakes her head as she turns to look at her mother with an expression that tells Carol she didn't exactly understand what was seeing said. "No, Mama." She says once more around her thumb. She points at the screen once more without breaking eye contact. "Mama!"

"You are absolutely correct, Princess Sophia." Ezekiel praises her little one then tickles her daughter's side. "That is your Mama."

Carol blinks confused. She leans forward just as Ezekiel is reaching for Sophia who by now is wiggling to be let down. It takes her a second but finally, she sees it. It is her. The smiling, happy and graceful ballerina on the computer screen is her.

She looks so different.

Gone is the power that that woman holds.

Gone is the happiness that shines from within her.

Gone are those beautiful lines and graceful moves.

Gone is the shine in her eyes.

When had they all left her? Somewhere in between marrying Ed and leaving him, they had been pummeled out of her by his fists, pulverized by his cruelty. In the place of the ballerina she saw on the screen there was only the shell of a woman who scurried away, curled into herself and cried uncontrollably under the weight of her reality.

"I was in so much pain," she whispers as her trembling fingers caress the cold screen. "I thought dancing on my toes for hours at end while making it all look so graceful, was the worst pain in the world and yet I thought I happy, I thought I was strong, I was... me."

Ezekiel's hand gently presses to her shoulder before giving it a tiny reassuring squeeze. "Carol, I know our story hasn't been long, I know there's still a myriad of things to learn about you, still so much I am unaware of, but if you let me, if you place your trust upon me, I will do my absolute best to help you return to being that woman."

She turns to look up at him quickly, her chin quivering once more. "I don't want to be that woman." She admits to him. "She was beautiful, but she was naive, she lived a life of duty to her craft, she was easily deceived... didn't know what she was doing, she wasn't strong, not really."

Ezekiel's hand gently cups her cheek. "You are strong, Carol." He reminds her. "You are the strongest woman I have the fortune of knowing. You just have to find it within yourself and let it flounder."

She closes her eyes, leaning her head against his hand and taking a moment to simply be. She can still go, she can still take Sophia and disappear, but something anchors her to him, something she can't explain and doesn't really want to question, something that just feels right. The feel of his lips against her forehead as he presses a tender kiss makes her open her eyes. She waits until he pulls back before making eye contact. In his eyes, she can see his uncertainty and his desire to help her. She can see the question he doesn't dare ask; will you stay with me and let me help you?

"Mama! Look!" Sophia calls to her.

Carol turns to look at her daughter who is trying her absolute best to twirl like the image of her past. She holds her little hands up above her in an almost circle as she stands on tippy toes and gives a twirl. She loses her balance and lands on her butt but instead of crying Sophia puts her hands on her mouth and giggles loudly right before Shiva throws herself against her, nuzzling and licking her daughter's face, tail swishing back and forth.

She can't help but give out a little laugh before she brushes away the last of her tears. Ezekiel is right, there has to be a strength within her to have survived all Ed has put her through, to be able to leave him and take their daughter into a better life. She's only barely touched that strength, but it is time to find it and let it explode.

"I'll stay," she finally whispers. "We'll stay."

Ezekiel's expression changes immediately, a bright smile appearing on his face which instantly erases the worry in his eyes. "Then I'll do my very best to protect you and Sophia, to be your strength when destiny frowns upon you and to ensure that both of you get to be the people you want to be."

Carol gives him a tiny nod before turning once more to the screen just as her younger self ends her dance and gives her bow, the crowd erupting into a cheer. She might not have been perfect back then, perhaps she never would be, but she could be the woman she had never allowed herself to be, and she could guide Sophia, with Ezekiel's help, to be a woman who would never allow herself to be hurt as her mother had.

Ed would not win.