Chapter 9
The Cynic and the revelations.
Chuck's home, Same day.
The celebration had finally come to an end. Mei-Ling and her brother had left, to get started on their new lives. Casey called it a day and now, it was just her and him.
It seemed to be like that, more often than not. She enjoyed his company. In fact, if she were to be frank, she reveled in his proximity.
And she knew he did as well. It seemed to her that, he was her ying and she, his yang. Two inseparable yet distinct parts, entwined to form a whole forever more. He made her appreciate herself. He made her perceive herself. He made her, her. More than anybody had in the past.
And she knew he felt similarly as well. No one had felt safe enough in her presence. None. So much so, that now he openly shed tears and opened his emotional chest brazenly bare for her to peer. He hadn't in the past. He had been closed off. He indicated his feelings, but never left it completely and absolutely open for her to peruse like she would a book.
She was the first to speak as they were comfortably seated on the couch. "Chuck… I need to thank you." At his surprised look, she continued. "Thank you for sharing a piece of you with me, today. None ever deemed me important enough to be that open with me. For me. I know you will become an analyst in a few weeks and we wait until then, but I want to take this thing between us to a better place."
His shock pleased her and ruffled a few butterflies in her stomach. He thought of her so highly and here he was, not able to figure out that she needed to climb the Everest to reach his generosity and compassion. "I am not quite ready to go on a real date. But I would like to get started on getting there. The past few months have shown me that you are a treasure, Chuck. Everyone around you always becomes better no matter how downtrodden or irrevocably garbled they are. I know you aren't perfect. I know I am not. But I would like to have our imperfections cancel out so we can grow to be much better together. I guess, what I am asking is, if you will have me, can we do it?"
Her eyes were clearly shining with nervous anticipation. She had bared her heart out to him. She never did this before. But he made her be something greater, a greater self than anybody had in the past. With him she felt good. With him, she was good. And if he said no, her heart would shatter to a million pieces.
"It would be my immense pleasure to explore the thing between us with much greater depth, Sarah. I guess, neither of us is ready to be girlfriend-boyfriend yet. But I knew you had stolen my heart, long before I realized that I am ready to try again." She pounced on him and hugged the life out of him.
"Sarah."
"Hmm?"
"I am sorry."
She sat up immediately and looked at him. She held his cheek in the palm of her hand and asked, "What for, Chuck?"
"I cried, Sarah. Oh. It felt great to cry. But I showed you a weakness. And in the spy world, emotions aren't good. I failed you and Casey." She was heart-broken. How can she tell him that he didn't fail her and actually make him understand? Before she could try, he started explaining and hyperventilating. "I just couldn't put a dam on it Sarah. I bottled up everything. All the shit in prison, all the anger and sadness with Bryce, Jill, Josephine and even my own sister. I still am trying to fight my fear and anxiety for being a glorified organic governmental property. And forcing Mei to choose was just the tipping point. I made her choose between her country and her family Sarah."
At this point he was practically shouting. "I can't forgive myself for that. I know what I would do if I were ever in that position. But I was so selfish that I didn't even seek an alternative for her. I wanted to make sure my chances of becoming an analyst were not harmed and so I didn't even attempt an alternative. I feel like I have been corrupted so much. I can feel the darkness in me and I just want to let it go."
And he turned to her and asked a practically damning question. "I know you have seen vile things. Despicable things. Things beyond comprehension to normal fragile minds. How do you let it all go?"
She was silent for a while. He assumed he had crossed a line and was beginning to form an apology. But she stopped his trainwreck of thoughts. "I didn't…"
"What?"
"I didn't, Chuck. I haven't let it all go. I just never took time to think about it. As agents. As operatives, we don't have the luxury to analyse or replay whatever has happened and what might have happened. We have regrets just like everyone else. But the moment we go back into the darkness we once entered, it is hard to see the end of it. So, I didn't. I know Casey hasn't and he is a far more destructive killer than me. We just lock it up and throw away the key so we can do our jobs with the belief and a comforting thought that the rest of the population can lead their lives without this brutality."
He just stared at her. Then he hugged her tight. "I am sorry. In my selfish rant, I forgot to take into account your feelings. I guess, I brought up things you never wanted to remember and… Uh. God. This is just draining me emotionally. Just after I got the best news I could ever think of in quite a while. I am such a downer."
She again cupped his cheek and firmly said, "Never. And I say again. Never demean yourself. Like I said in the starting, you are a treasure, Chuck. You don't realize it. Just ask Morgan. Ask Devon. Ask Ellie. Ask me. We may have lead our lives Chuck-less just okay, but you make it a lot brighter. You think you are consumed, infested with this so called darkness. I can't deny it doesn't exist. I can't say you are only the pure light. But, your light dwarves the darkness in its sheer magnitude and effulgence. I think the best person to explain this to you would be Tiny. You inspired him Chuck. You inspired him to become straight. To stop his old life. If anything Chuck, no one's completely and perfectly good. But I guess, to me and to the others, you come a close second. So, stop beating yourself about it and accept that you are good. Accept that you are a good person, a good brother, a good friend and hopefully a good partner to me."
He knew that moment would be forever etched in his memory. The day where his life was once again transformed, by this heavenly woman. When she made him realize that he still had the goodness in him. When she made him realize, that he can still be good.
"Another thing. Crying isn't a weakness. It isn't a strength either. It is an outlet that needs to be given its due importance. It allows you to vent without being consumed forever by the psychotic pathology of the human brain. And crying in front of me, just shows me how much you trust me. Never apologize for it. You do not know how many times I have cried alone where I wished I had someone to comfort me. I know that I do have someone now. I don't want him to think he doesn't have me for the same.
"There is one last thing. And don't take this in the wrong way, but Bryce was right." At his affronted look, she continued hurriedly, "He was right when he said you were better than us all. You have so much heart in the game and even when you succeed with big wins, you still feel burned because somebody lost something in the process. You are too good for the world in which he and I operate and I am sorry you are being railed into it without your consent."
He was silent for a while and simply had a hand over her shoulder as she leaned into his side. "If there's one thing I know, you are the best thing that happened to me. While getting the intersect wasn't ideal, I wouldn't have it any other way. Thank you for everything. For fighting for my freedom from a bunker. For helping me recover. For believing in me. And most of all, for making me realize my true self."
As she was leaving for her apartment, he stopped her. "Sarah… There is something I need to confess."
She looked at him encouragingly. "I… uh… captured the panther."
There was an alarmed expression in her eyes. But she was still waiting for his explanation. "Well. I used a couple of my contacts to capture him when we hit Ben Lo Pan. I had waited till he went out to get his fix when about ten guys captured him. He is being interrogated right now at a… place downtown."
She breathed steadily and then said. "Chuck. Why didn't you just tell me before? We could have done it much easier."
Chuck replied calmly, "I don't want the hotshots to use him as a leverage against me and Tiny, Sarah. Tiny protected me and nearly gave up his life to keep me alive against the hordes. The least I can do is return the favour."
She then nodded, understanding. If this was for Carina or for him, she would have done far worse. At least he didn't get his hands dirty. But she could help him speed this thing along, much faster. "Alright. Put me through to him. I can have him talking very soon."
He raised his brow as if to call her bluff. She didn't appreciate that. She gritted her teeth and grunted out, "Put. Him. Through."
"Alright." He dialed a number from memory and started talking to someone. "Hey, Rusty. (Pause) How are you? He crack yet? (Pause) You think you can do it? (Pause) I can speed things up. I have… an expert here with me and she wants to speak to him. (Pause) Not really. But I don't want to try my luck if I don't do it. (Pause) Hello, Jose."
Jose cried on the phone. "Please let me go. You have mistaken me. I am not the Panther. She is elsewhere. She is after Brian."
"Do not lie to me Jose. My information is rock solid."
"I swear to you on my mother's grave. I am not the Panther."
Chuck looked at Sarah and motioned him to give her the phone. He handed over the phone and she started to rapidly speak in Espanyol. He could only make out a few words and he flashed on 'ángel de la carnicería'. A big flash with pictures of completely decimated gangs, their supply lines disrupted and the mission classification of beyond top secret with the eyes only clearences for the chariman of the JSOC, DNI, DCI, Secretary of DHS, director of DEA and the President. A joint op between SEALs, SAD and the CATs, headed by Agent Victoria Perez, an alias of Sarah Walker.
When he came back down from his flash, he heard the 'Panther' give the details he wanted. The call then disconnected, not before a gunshot silenced the poor tortured soul. He felt himself wince, but he knew that would be the outcome when he involved Rusty Charles. He was out of options and couldn't risk it and so went along with Rusty's plan of termination.
The panther dropped a bombshell. Figuratively.
He was just the beard. A fall guy. It was a woman who did the assassination and they had no idea on who she was, what she looked like and how to stop her before she completes her objectives. However, the bigger bombshell was the spill on the council's operation with the world's most reclusive arms dealer, La Ciudad and a top-notch terrorist financier, Peyman Alahi. The operation was to be done in LA and whatever it was, it would be a huge deal.
He began to panic. He was unsure if he could handle all these things simultaneously. A mysterious top assassin. The council's targeting Tiny. The arms dealer and Peyman Alahi's trilateral business meet with the council. And all of them happening at the same fucking time. He tried calming himself but his brain was running all kinds of possible outcomes to this op and none were looking good so far.
However, a calming presence appeared beside him and took his hand. He remembered Sarah was here. And as long as she was here, he knew he can do anything. She did everything. She had higher stakes and she always came through. She had the experience to dismantle whatever the problem was going to be. And Casey was here too. His strategic brilliance, tactical experience and work ethic would ensure their victory.
As he was recollecting the details the panther gave up, he flashed. On both, La Ciudad and Peyman Alahi. Big massive flashes. It gave him the details of their ops and crazy secure bunker locations each has. But, on La Ciudad, he was unclear on who was behind the moniker. Only way to identify was through a one-on-one meet. Peyman Alahi on the other hand, his facility was well known and the intersect had shown the schematics as well as the secret tunnels in and out of the facility that can be used to spirit away with the payment gem and/or money.
They had to tell Casey and the bosses.
Echo Park, Ellie and Devon's place.
Sarah left Chuck's to go home but midway she decided she needed to take a detour. And she did. She took a huge detour to go to Ellie's place. It was just about ten at night and she knew Ellie would have completed her chores in the military hospital which masked NSA operations closeby. She was worried about Chuck. She didn't know if Chuck noticed, but the each time he flashed, his pain had become more and more. At the same time, he was getting more information with every succeeding flash. He had told her about Victoria Perez and how her telling the asshole about her past life as 'the angel of carnage' had caused him to make more connection between even the off-book aliases she had used. It was like his brain was over-processing all the unknown information with even just a little bit of new information to make huge leaps and bounds in figuring out the jigsaw puzzle in his head. At the same time, he seemed on the verge of a meltdown.
Being the official neurologist on Chuck's case, she decided that Ellie was the best fit to help her out. She could probably assuage any unwarranted concerns and at the same time, help her figure out her feelings and growing warmth and affection for Chuck. Ellie had directed her, a few weeks back to choose between whether she wanted something real or not. She had chosen. She wanted something real. She wanted her thing with Chuck. But, she needed to get all her past and naysayers like Carina, her Dad and the farm indoctrinators, out of her head.
She needed a normal, emotional and stubborn person to help her out. And with Chuck's best interests at her heart, she knew Ellie won't pull back any punches she needs to send her way. She knew Chuck consulted Devon on the matters of his love life. It is time, she did so with Ellie.
She timidly walked up to the door that was nothing but a formality, a courtesy for her. She knocked the door and waited. She didn't expect Devon's shirtless modelesque form to greet her. It gave her inappropriate thoughts on her trainee. She shook it off immediately instead focusing on her purpose there. "Hey, Devon. Ellie, here? I need some help. Regarding Chuck's mental health."
The first thing Devon did was unexpected. He crushed her in a hug that she was sure rattled a few joints and bones. But he whispered into her ear, "You brought back a lot of our old, confident and absolutely amazing Chuck and for that, I have nobody to thank but you. Ellie and I have been trying so hard, after his last infatuation with Jo, to get him back over the pit he retreats to when hurt. But, you did it all by yourself. So thank you. Thank you for bringing my brother back."
Sarah melted. She was nearly in tears. Happy tears. Here he was, thanking her for Chuck's resurrection. But he doesn't understand. Chuck helped her too. They both help each other become the ones they were always meant to be and she was the one who reaped the greater benefits. A benevolent family in Ellie and Devon, an eccentric but loyal friend in Morgan and a good partner in Chuck. Nonetheless she whispered a choked, thank you in his ears as he ushered her inside.
They had a lot to discuss and it would do her no good if she became an emotional mess. But she could no longer deny that she and he will be together. She would ensure it. And any other lady tries to get their paws on him, they would be toast. Perhaps it showed on her face as Ellie and Devon smiled their devilish grins at her and asked, "Thinking about Chuck, Sarah?" "You know she is. Look at her, Ellie. She is practically glowing." And they started chuckling.
Sarah couldn't stop her chuckling and after a few moments, she narrowed her eyes. "I will get you back some other time." It did nothing to deter their smiles though and she knew, she lost this round.
Ellie then settled on the couch and invited her to sit opposite to he, in the loveseat, with the grin of a Cheshire cat. She took it nonetheless as she wanted to talk about Chuck. She took a deep breath and plunged into it directly.
"Ellie, I think the Intersect's harming Chuck."
Hey guys... So the reviews seem to get updated about 24 hours to 48 hours after the chapter's posted. And some of you suggested that Tiny was a lot like Micheal Clarke Duncan. I have no objection for you to imagine him as such. It's just that I modeled Tiny as a Mexican giant so maybe you can get a better picture? I don't know if it helps. But that's all.
My next update will be a while later. So until next time. Take care and stay safe.
