Author's Note: I am so sorry about how long this chapter has taken! I got such bad writer's block on this story, even though I knew where I wanted it to go. Getting the words on the page was such a bitch. But I've decided that this story will be wrapped up in the next few chapters, so I can plan out the next part a bit better before starting again. The plan had been for the timeline in this to run through Christmas, but that would make this story way too long. So I'm going to get this to a satisfying "save point", then resume once I figure my shit out. Thanks to everyone who didn't give up on this story!
Celia went to her room as soon as they reached the tower and locked herself in. Steve trailed after her, wanting to talk, but she brushed him off, mumbling an excuse about needing to take a shower. That was true, and she ended up scrubbing her skin until it was almost raw, but that wasn't the only reason for her isolation. Celia had killed a man in cold blood.
He was not a good man and legitimately deserved to die, especially after what she'd seen him do. Even setting aside what he'd done to her. Vince had killed a man in front of her, arranged the kidnapping of Bruce, and planned on using him against his will to hurt people. Celia pretty much did the world a favor. So why did she feel like she was about to shatter?
Celia thought she'd been prepared to go out into the field with the team for missions if her training worked out that way. But she'd always focused more on the physical aspect of what she'd be doing. Maybe it was naive of her, but she hadn't put much thought into actually fighting someone, let alone taking their life. And now she had, in a much more direct way than the last time.
What did that say about her? That she had multiple deaths under her belt. She'd dedicated her life to helping people out of bad situations, but now she was just as dangerous as the people she rescued them from. And now with her abilities, even more so.
There weren't even her moments of losing time that she could blame it on. Celia had been of sound mind when she made her decision to take a life. All she could see when she closed her eyes was that moment where Vince knew she was about to kill him. That little bit of surprise that she had it in her. And maybe some pleasure in knowing that it would change her. He hadn't been able to kill her, but she definitely wasn't the same.
"Celia, can I come in?" Steve asked, knocking softly on the door to her room. Celia curled her fingers around the edge of the sink, wishing that Steve would leave her alone. That wasn't fair to him, since he was only trying to help, but all she wanted was to be left alone. They should be focused on helping Bruce. He was the one who was drugged and about to be turned into a weapon. Celia had been a monster long before this.
"I'm just gonna go to sleep. I'll see you in the morning, okay?" Celia called back, carefully controlling the waver in her voice. The voice she used when she wanted people to believe that everything was okay and to move along. The voice Steve never quite believed, but she hoped he wouldn't call her out on. Celia could practically see Steve trying to decide how hard he should push and wished that for once the guy who never gave up would.
"Okay," Steve whispered, tapping his finger against the door one last time. Celia held her breath as she waited to hear the sound of him walking away. It was so hard to believe that it was just days ago that they were possibly headed toward something more and now all Celia wanted to do was leave and never come back. But she couldn't do that. She still had a job here and that was important. If she could just focus on that and push everything else aside, maybe things would eventually get better.
Celia stayed in her room until the next morning, sitting on the bathroom floor. There was no way she was going to try to sleep anytime soon, so staying uncomfortable was the best option. She took another shower and carefully dressed in the way she normally would. Somehow, her clothes felt wrong and her body felt wrong, and she couldn't recognize herself when she was finished. But she couldn't let that show. She had to be exact in her role as herself, so she didn't draw any extra attention. They would all be watching her, waiting to see if she slipped up. Celia knew she wouldn't be able to deal with Steve swooping in to try and make things better. This was her battle to fight on her own.
Celia took one last minute to stare into the mirror before she left the room. Everything was as it should be, but she couldn't quite get her eyes right. They looked like they were screaming that she wasn't okay, which was true, but she didn't need anyone else to see it. What happened was over and she survived and there was nothing to do about it now.
Steve wasn't right outside of her bedroom door, like she half expected him to be when she finally left the room. Part of her wanted to immediately go down to the clinic without seeing him at all, but that would make it glaringly obvious that something was wrong. She could get through their normal morning routine, then have a full workday to get her mind right again.
"Celia?" Steve asked quietly from behind her as she was halfway to the kitchen. It took everything in her not to jump and start swinging from the sudden shock. There was no one to fight here. She could relax.
"Oh, hey. Morning," Celia said casually, turning to face him. Steve looked like he hadn't slept either and there was nothing but concern on his face. She needed to reassure him that she was okay, so he could relax. He had his own things to worry about, without her added to the pile. If the team got called out to another mission, Steve needed to focus on that instead of her.
"What are you- I mean, how are you?" Steve stammered, looking completely out of sorts.
"Just getting something to eat. I'm starving." The thought of food made her sick to her stomach. "Have you eaten yet? I'm sure I could make us something quick."
"Celia."
"It's fine if you're not hungry. I might just go with a bowl of cereal, if we still have some." It felt like months since she'd been sharing breakfast with Steve, instead of a day. "Cookie Crisp! We still have some of that, right?"
"Can we talk?"
"I don't have a lot of time, but sure. I should probably eat something though."
"Mr. Barton has ordered a full breakfast spread, which is currently out on the common floor," Jarvis announced. That sounded like a nightmare.
"That sounds great. Clint always orders the best junk food." She could make an appearance, show everyone she was fine, then slough Steve off on someone else for him to fuss over. "Let's go."
"What about our talk?" Steve insisted.
"We can talk on the way up," Celia said, walking toward the elevator without waiting to see if Steve would follow her. She knew she was being a bit of an evasive asshole, but it was the only card she had to play at the moment. Even Steve had to have a point where he decided something wasn't worth the effort anymore.
"Fine, yeah," Steve sighed, trailing after her. Jarvis had the elevator door open by the time they got there and they climbed in. Celia wasn't sure why so many moments they shared were within the confines of elevator walls, but there they were again.
"Are you okay?" Celia asked, keeping her eyes pointed ahead. Staring into his eyes would spell her doom. They just had a way of breaking through whatever flimsy barrier that was holding back what she wanted to keep hidden.
"What?"
"You wanted to talk. Are you okay?"
"Celia, stop."
"You wanted to talk."
"About what happened. About yesterday."
"I don't have anything I need to talk about, but if you do, I'm here to listen."
"Celia, please," Steve murmured, reaching over to touch her arm. Celia couldn't stop herself from jerking away, putting as much space between them as possible. Steve's face fell, as if he'd been struck. "Sorry."
"It's fine. Everything's fine," Celia said quickly, knowing how hollow those words sounded.
"It's not."
"Finally, someone is here to help me enjoy this feast!" Clint said brightly as soon as the elevator doors opened up. "These croissants aren't going to eat themselves."
"Sounds great," Celia lied, using Clint's interruption to escape Steve's well-meaning interrogation.
"You're looking better this morning. Less like you lost a fight with a meat grinder."
"I thought it was a woodchipper?"
"You already said one of those wasn't involved, so I moved on to my next guess," Clint shrugged. He had gotten a bit warmer with that one.
"Clint," Steve growled, giving him a sharp look.
"What? Yesterday was a victory, right? I'm just celebrating everyone making it back home," Clint replied, holding up his hands in surrender. "Why is everyone in a bad mood?"
"Because you're annoying," Natasha smirked, walking in with a bowl of something.
"Why are you so mean to me?"
"Why do you make it so easy?" Clint started going on a tangent about all the reasons why people liked him. Celia saw that as her chance to escape. She'd made an appearance, so now she could get to work without anyone being able to say she was hiding or being weird. It was just a normal morning with team banter and her going to the clinic. Nothing to worry about.
"Oh. Hey." Celia really should've taken the stairs, because now she was faced with Tony Stark coming off the elevator.
"Hey," Celia replied, trying to hide her impatience. He was standing between the open doors, blocking her exit.
"What's going on?"
"Breakfast."
"Oh," Tony mumbled, looking everywhere but in her eyes. That was weird for Tony, since he was always ready to be in everyone's face. Surely he and Steve hadn't conspired to confront her. "So where are you going?"
"The clinic. It's about to open and I have an appointment first thing." She actually had no idea what the schedule looked like, but she had a nice, private office to hide in that sounded wonderful.
"Are you sure you should be working today?" Tony asked, keeping his voice low. Celia felt ice water run through her veins, but didn't let it show on her face.
"Why wouldn't I be?" She heard the conversation behind her stop, so she knew that her clean escape wouldn't be happening now.
"It was a long weekend."
"No longer than any other. Just the same two days as usual."
"Celia."
"It's fine."
"I canceled your appointments for this week," Tony said suddenly. Celia took a step back in surprise.
"Are you firing me?"
"It's just a leave of absence."
"Why?"
"Celia."
"No, tell me!" Celia demanded. If Tony was going to rip this one last thing she had away from her, she wanted to hear him tell her the reason. And when Tony finally looked up and made eye contact with her, the answer was loud and clear. "You lied to me."
"I didn't," Tony argued.
"You said you deleted everything."
"I deleted it from their system, but I had Jarvis download everything first." Celia could only stare in shock as she felt the world she'd built crumble around her. She was never planning on telling anyone what happened. Knowing that she'd been crushed by the Hulk was the extent of what she'd admit, since there was no hiding that. But everything that happened with Vince was supposed to go to the grave with her. "If they knew things about Bruce, it would be irresponsible for us to not know as well. I didn't know what I was going to find until I found it."
"What was it? What did you find?" Steve asked, walking over with the others to finally join the confrontation.
"Nothing!" Celia snapped, feeling cornered.
"It wasn't nothing. It was quite literally the opposite of nothing," Tony insisted.
"It's none of your business!" Celia shouted. Everyone was crowding around her now and she felt trapped.
"You're lashing out because you went through something difficult and I get that."
"Oh, screw you!" Celia spat. She was not doing this with Tony. "I'm fine."
"No one would be fine after that."
"After what?" Steve demanded.
"You don't know me. You don't get to tell me what I can and can't deal with."
"As your boss, I don't believe you are in the position to fulfill your duties at the moment. We can revisit this at the end of the week, but right now my decision is final," Tony said firmly. Celia itched to put her fist through Tony's face. How dare he pretend to care about how she was doing and still take away the one thing that she could focus on to keep herself grounded? How would isolating her from the one part of her life that was normal help her? And what would she have to do to earn it back? Cry at his feet and tell everyone what happened to her? How many tears would it take before she was deemed worthy to go back? Tony wasn't getting a single one.
"Fine. Have it your way," Celia said evenly, masking how devastating this was with everything she had in her. The one thing that kept her going during those hours with Vince had been the drive to get back to everyone. To get back to her normal life. To lunches with Steve, sparring with Clint and Natasha, snarking with Tony, teasing Bruce about his experiments. Everything that she'd tried not to count on, because she knew how hard it would be to lose it all. But here she was, going through the cycle again. "Can I go back to my room or are you kicking me out as well?"
"I'm not kicking you out. You're not listening to what I'm saying," Tony argued.
"Oh, I hear you loud and clear," Celia scoffed. She wasn't going to listen to Tony try and justify this by saying it was for her own good. She was the one who got to decide that. "Now get out of my way."
"Celia-"
"Get out of my way or I'll put you out of my way," Celia growled. She and Tony had been headed toward this moment from the beginning, hadn't they? They'd come to an understanding mostly after those first days, but there was still some tension bubbling under the surface. They had never fully resolved things, just brushed it under the rug. Maybe this was how it was all going to come out.
But Tony stepped to the side before it could get that far. Was Celia relieved or had her time with Vince really changed her? She'd become a murderer and there was no doubt about that. It had been naive of her to think she would be able to go back to her normal life after everything. She wasn't the same and nothing else could be either.
"Take me to my floor," Celia requested, stepping onto the elevator and facing away from everyone. She couldn't look at anyone right now, especially Steve. She needed a minute to regroup and figure out her next moves and she didn't need an audience for that. The choices she made now were going to change the trajectory of her life forever. But deep down, Celia knew there was really only one option left.
